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The Diplomat
BLU-RAY disk
08.23.2010 By: J.A. Hamilton
The Diplomat order
Director:
Peter Andrikidis

Actors:
Dougray Scott
Rachael Blake
Claire Forlani

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
A British diplomat and his wife are put into protective custody in Australia after the Scotland Yard come to the conclusion that he’s involved with a Russian gangster with an interest in nuclear weapons. Ian Porter literally holds the key to unleashing nuclear war.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
At first I thought THE DIPLOMAT was a random straight to DVD/Blu-ray action flick I’d never heard of and might end up possibly enjoying but as it got going I felt that it fell into the “made for TV” category (and a shitty waste of time made for TV one at that). Evidently this was an attempt at a mini-series of sorts but for many an obvious reason (which I’ll get into) that never happened and in turn it became a two part film. I didn’t understand why the title screen had a “part one” and “part two” at first but as the first part ended I unfortunately realized there was another hour and a half to go with the second, making this a three hour sitting of horrendous proportions.

The plot tries to go all BORNE IDENTITY on us with an attempt at a thick layer of espionage but instead comes off like a lame, dummied down episode of 24 without Jack Bauer, CTU or anything else even remotely cool or interesting. This film was beautifully shot, I’ll give it that, but that only makes it a pretty looking mess which doesn’t pan out as much of a compliment. The acting was terrible which only made the ridiculous characters stand out even more so. Our main dude is supposedly on this crucial mission but he’s a mess in the head and won’t stop bellyaching. He talks a lot like Gerard Butler (which I think they were going for) but he’s no action star. Add to that a poorly conceived plot about a key and a bomb that dances in circles for three hours making the whole thing feel rather pointless.

I have no doubt that Australia’s a big place but for some reason the local cops, Scotland Yard, MI6 and a pack of (supposedly) badass Russians can’t seem to find this dude when they’re told where he is like five times. I couldn’t help but think of a line from THE PRINCESS BRIDE when Vizzini refers to Australia as being entirely populated by criminals, yet our main character has complete strangers helping him dodge cops, giving him money and even offering him a place to stay at every turn. I didn’t think there were that many good Samaritans left in the world but clearly they’ve all moved to Australia.

THE DIPLOMAT is a long, drawn out waste of time that promises a grand finale but ends up delivering a painfully predictable ending that’s devoid of all probability and common sense. For a plot that tries to go undercover in the spy world, the characters involved from the cops to the bad guys are all totally clueless. A ten year old could have outsmarted these people. I feel bad for Claire Forlani as she used to be a hot commodity in Hollywood and didn’t deserve to go out like this (plus I used to have a mad crush on her). On a positive note, she’s still pretty hot.
THE EXTRAS
There are no special features but the Blu-ray does come with a DVD copy of the film as well. Not impressed? I don’t blame you.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
This film is terrible and should be avoided at all costs. There are very few films I feel this adamantly negative about but this is definitely one of them.
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