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The Haunted Mansion
DVD disk
Oct 5, 2004 By: Indiana Sev
The Haunted Mansion order
Director:
Rob Minkoff

Actors:
Eddie Murphy
Terence Stamp
Marsha Thomason

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Two real estate agents (Eddie Murphy and his wife) and two awful child actors playing their kids head on down to a mansion in hopes of getting the contract to sell it. The catch? The house is haunted and the owner wants to hook up with Murphys wife who he thinks is his long lost love. The other catch? The movie sucks.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Id like to start off by congratulating THE HAUNTED MANSION for tying MAID IN MANHATTAN as the only other movie Ive given the low score of star to - and deservedly so. The only reason I didnt give it a flat out 0 is because Im confident Murphy can outdo this movie with an even lousier film in the near future. Ooh, how the mighty have fallen. And Im not referring to Murphy either (I officially wrote Eddie off with the release of THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH), Im talking about distinguished English actor Terence Stamp who showed promise of an exciting comeback a few years ago with THE LIMEY-- shame on him for accepting a role in this generic, unfunny, unexciting, uninspired excuse for childrens entertainment. Nothing happens in this movie and moreover...that nothing happens at a deadly slow pace. Its short run time of 88 minutes felt more like 188. And yes, I watched it in shifts.

The CGI effects, while not entirely bad, are far from memorable and if your kids so much as show an ounce of fear from this movie you better pack them up in the SUV and drive their asses down to the closest child psychiatrist in town. This movie is not scary or funny, even for kids. I guess the genius who green-lit this trash at Disney was trying to cash in on the success of the other movie based on one of their rides PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN. Except, instead of the precious Keira Knightley, you get Jennifer Tillys annoying head in a crystal ball and instead of the king of cool, Johnny Depp, you get a rotten script and the once famous Eddie Murphy. What a raw deal. Trust me, youre better off waiting for the film version of Its a Small World with Gary Busey and Teri Garr. This is an awful, inexcusable excuse for a movie that should be avoided at all costs. Your kids deserve better than this
THE EXTRAS
The Haunted Mansion Secrets Revealed (approx. 12 min.): Ho hum. Another one of those how-we-build-the-sets-and-got-the-visual-effects-looking-so-neat featurettes. Legendary effects master Rick Baker join in the festivities as well. Not my bag.

Anatomy of a Scene Ghosts in the Graveyard (approx. 11 min.): How they shot one of the longest sequences in the film in the graveyard with the use of blue screens, computer effects and the like. Nothing too fascinating here unless youre studying how to be a camera operator.

Haunted Mansion Virtual Tour: This is a pretty boring point-of-view virtual tour of the haunted mansion. Your kids might (a strong emphasize on the word might) get a kick out of this as they get to choose which paths to take on the tour.

Deleted Scene: A deleted scene entitled Emma & Ezra which gives a bit of background on the curse that has befallen the haunted mansion.

Bloopers: My hand to god...I didnt so much as a crack a smile watching these.

Audio Commentary with Don Hahn, Jay Redd and David Berenbaum: The producer, visual effects supervisor and writer of THE HAUNTED MANSION share their thoughts on the making of the film. An overall good commentary but since I hated the movie, I was sick to my stomach hearing about how much fun they had and how good they think the final product is. Whats wrong with these clowns?

Audio Commentary with director Rob Minkoff and costume designer Mona May: Another solid commentary without any long pauses.

Raven Superstition Music Video and DVD-ROM Content.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
I realize that this movie was made for kids and that they are the target audience and all that, but it still doesnt change the fact that this film is completely devoid of charm, interest, originality and most important of all: movie magic. Steer clear of this and tell the other parents in the neighborhood to do the same. This is just another step in the final downfall of Eddie Murphy
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