Savage might have a truly risky role in him, but Jonathan Segal’s direct-to-DVD dud is too self-conscious to be anything but obvious: the heartbroken schmoe gets dumped and pines for 90-some-odd minutes, receives a “get laid” pep-talk from his engaged, playboy pal (Rescue Me’s Pasquale), gets rejected by a girl in a bar in front of her girlfriends, and finally beds every saline-titted chick in the LA bar/strip scene. It should be noted that the only stable, sympathetic characters (like Amy Adams’ fiancée) are scarce and underused.
After a knife-twisting breakup and under the machismo-induced advice, accountant and overall swell guy Steven Goodson (Savage) transforms into a self-proclaimed “Sexinator,” a man so obsessed with his dick he becomes one; think Stiffler with a job. “I’ll make enough cash to go out every night, hit a strip club once a week, buy enough champagne and lapdances to pull a girl out of there.” And so for the fat of the run, he spends more time in bars than Sam Malone and even more of the time in bed than John & Yoko—though it’s legs, not peace he’s bent on spreading.
This goes on until, through sheer coincidence (and Segal & Todd M. Camhe’s desperate pens), Steven bumps into thin-legged high school classmate and current 2nd grade teacher Amelia (Bartlett)…then suddenly falls for her. Why? Well, every character needs an arc, even if Steven’s resembles more of a sharp left. Not to spoil much of The Last Run, but on their maiden Valentine’s Day date, Steven can’t keep it in his pants, and instead lands it in some skank in the restaurant bathroom.
By the end of this barbaric romp, we realize we’ve been run around in circles. Steven has learned nothing except that “I’m sorry,” according to one of Amelia’s students is a near-guarantee lay. It’s at least a blowjob, right?