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The Long Weekend
DVD disk
08.10.2007 By: Jason Adams
The Long Weekend order
Director:
Pat Holden

Actors:
Chris Klein
Brendan Fehr
Cobie Smulders

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
A struggling actor tries to help his overstressed, workaholic brother get laid on his birthday.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
I've come to terms with the fact that I'll probably never mature beyond a fourth grade-level. More than mortgages or messy divorces, I'm most afraid of being 40 or 50 and discovering that things like farting or the word “penis” no longer elicit at least a small giggle from me. However, I still have my limits when it comes to immature humor. One of those limits is definitely THE LONG WEEKEND.

THE LONG WEEKEND wants to be a gross, irreverent and funny sex comedy, but it fails on every single level. And not for lack of trying either; they throw pretty much everything they can think of in the movie—fart jokes, semen jokes, poop jokes, horse erection jokes, pubic hair jokes—and none of it works. At all. The only time I laughed in the entire film is when Chris Klein’s character tried to do Shakespeare, but I think that was supposed to be a serious moment.

The “hook” of the movie is that the main character films everything on his camcorder and at random situations in the movie he’ll flash back to some of his footage in Family Guy-style reference cuts. The idea could possibly work if they didn’t constantly use gross-out footage such as home movies of monkeys drinking pee, elephants sticking their trunks in each others asses, hippos spraying feces on terrified children, bears autofellating themselves and giant walrus penises. Never has there been so much random animal ding-dong seen on film since FREDDY GOT FINGERED.

There’s really nothing worthwhile in THE LONG WEEKEND except for the hot girl from How I Met Your Mother in a small role, as well as a brief appearance by Lost hottie Evangeline Lily (who has a three second cameo as a dead corpse). In conclusion, avoid it like plague-filled cancer.
THE EXTRAS
Previews.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Don’t watch THE LONG WEEKEND, unless you get off on seeing random animal reproductive organs. Then you might as well just watch The Discovery Channel.

Extra Tidbit: Which AMERICAN PIE star has made the worst career choices—Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nichols or Jason Biggs?
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