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The Real Cancun
DVD disk
Based on a reality format, this is a week in the lives of a bunch of college students living together in a Cancun hotel during Spring Break. Crazy stuff is supposed to happen when all these scantily clad kids get together and drink...
I don't get it. Was this even a movie? The thing that surprised me the most about this whole thing was that it even had a director. Why? For what? All the T&A in the world isn't worth this torture. It's pretty much tantamount to watching an hour an a half long family home movie except instead of having a family in there, you have a collection of some of the biggest morons ever put to film. It's a basic collection of dumbass guys and whore-slut girls walking around a beach trying to pick up whore-slut girls and dumbass guys.

You've got your usual collection of characters: the jock, the cute girl, the twins, the guy who doesn't drink, I think there was a virgin... yawn. A few of the characters do actually manage to stand out through some particular feats of idiocy. You've got Casey the model, who is living proof that human evolution can in fact go backwards. This cretin pretends to be drunk the whole time through and his thing is going around yelling "Anyone wanna make out!" What the hell?!?! You've got Amber the idiot who nearly makes you shut the whole thing down in the first three minutes through sheer annoyance but who fortunately disappears eventually. The rest are just such a bland bunch of asswipes that you sort of wish for Jaws to pop out of the water and put everyone out of their misery. Here are some of the interesting things that happen: wet-t-shirt contests, making out, urinating on each other, wet t-shirt contests, more making out, drinking 2 shots and passing out, another wet t-shirt contest, some morons picking up morons, more making out and, me vomiting at the state of cinema. If any of the above are what you consider to be film-material,'ve got problems.

On a more serious note, this movie does raise the worrisome issue of trying to figure out what, if anything, is to happen once the world falls into the hands of this lost generation. If this movie is in anyway an actual sampling of what America's youth has become, then we are in far more trouble than we think. Showing a youth that is absolutely devoid of any sense of moral rectitude, devoid of any desire of accomplishment other than to get their dicks sucked and focused on nothing but alcohol, sex and consumption with no regards for consequences, THE REAL CANCUN can redeem itself if not as a film, but as a warning to all. I wonder what these pea brains will think about when their own kids decide to strip naked and air hump in front of 10,000 strangers? I wonder what these so-called women will think once they reach an older and wiser age and realize what was driving their youth? How can they ever instill discipline in anyone else? Am I a moralizing bitch? No. I just have more respect for the tip of my little finger's nail than these unfortunate fools have for their entire bodies and souls.
In all honesty, I couldn't bring myself to watch the entire offering of extras on this garbage of a DVD. Why anyone would want to prolong this misery is beyond me, but here goes anyway:

Cast Insights (30 mins.): A psychiatrist's wet dream, this package of individual interviews with the imbeciles forming this cast is an agonizing journey through their paper-thin souls in which we learn more about their reasons for joining up (i.e: getting laid), their life ambitions (i.e: getting laid), their lives back home (i.e: getting laid) and what they hope to accomplish in Cancun (i.e: getting laid).

Deleted Scenes (12 mins.): This set of 6 deleted scenes is a painful follow-up to this dreg of a film. None of them are in any way noteworthy save for a new look at a wet-t-shirt contest. Completely unnecessary.

Highlights from the Theatrical Premiere (12 mins.): The title says it all. It's still surprising to see that these people would still show their faces rather than blame everything on alcohol, but here, they actually walk down a red carpet pretending (believing, actually) that they're headed for stardom rather than a long life of drug abuse, sexually transmitted disease and sluttiness.

Trailer and TV Spots: Wow... for a film that was in theaters for exactly 12 minutes and that was seen by about 12 people, they actually have 7 TV Spots and a theatrical trailer. The magic of marketing, I guess...
This can pretty much be compared to your standard floating turd. A true piece of shit, this garbage will appeal to you if your idea of fun is to sit around and watch a bunch of college punks have their first drink. Not only do I suggest you pass on seeing this, but I suggest you start a word of mouth campaign in order to avoid anyone else ever seeing this as well.
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