The Scorpion King 3
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Exiled from his kingdom, Matthayus (Victor Webster); the former Scorpion King, now wanders the earth as a soldier for hire. An Egyptian King- Horus (Ron Perlman) hires him to do battle with a dastardly sorcerer (Billy Zane) threatening the kingdom with extinction.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
SCORPION KING 3? What happened to 2? I must have missed it, but somehow I imagine The Rock must have too, with this being another in a long line of Universal DTV cheapies, cashing on the fading appeal of franchises with somewhat enduring fan bases. That why we’ve gotten a whack of crazy DEATH RACE sequels, along with more installments of SMOKING ACES, and, purportedly, another WOLFMAN on the way.
Everything about SCORPION KING 3 is bargain basement, from the ugly DV photography, to the Dwayne Johnson clone they cast in the lead- a bloke named Victor Webster, who I’ve never heard of before, but is so obscure that he gets third billing (under Billy Zane!) in his own film.
Instead of the subtitle, BATTLE FOR REDEMPTION, this should have been called BATTLE FOR A BIGGER BUDGET, as this thing has all the scale of a bad episode of HERCULES: THE LEGNDARY JOURNEY. The plot, what little there is anyway, is just an excuse for a couple of clumsy action scenes, showcasing Dave Bautista, and Kimbo Slice- two MMA fighters who play henchmen (with Bautista being so undervalued that in the climatic fight- he’s paired off with the lame, pudgy comic relief).
I’d call this a disaster, but the thing is, I bet no one involved actually deluded themselves into thinking they were making anything above Grade Z schlock. The only mystery is how Perlman was convinced to cameo, considering his recent success of SONS OF ANARCHY. Poor Billy Zane is still slumming it as the villain, but hilariously, Zane plays the role like Jack Nicholson in THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK- which is a bug nuts choice, but turns out to be one of the few things about the film that has even moderate entertainment value.
Proving that every new film, no matter it’s worth, will get a commentary track , Roel Reiné is on hand for a track which is probably more entertaining than the film, as he acknowledges the low budget, and assembly-line cheapness of the overall production- although he’s convinced he’s made a good movie. Other than that, there are two featurettes which are entirely worthless, a gag reel and some deleted scenes .
As long as people keep shelling out for blu-rays of anything that happens to feature the brand of a series that may have once enjoyed, we’ll keep getting films like SCORPION KING 3. Sure enough, the film ends with threat of a sequel- God help us all. I really have no idea who the audience for this is, except maybe thirteen-year-old boys with impossibly low standards. Heck, even if the first SCORPION KING happens to be your favorite movie of all time (which would be pretty sad mind you)- I still can’t give this even the slightest recommendation.