Now, does that sound like a movie you'd stay home to watch? Of course it doesn't. It sounds a lot like every single brain-dead piece of female faux-empowerment rom-com ever conceived. Here we have just about about every thought, conceit, concept and punch-line from movies like Pretty Woman, Four Weddings and a Funeral, My Best Friend's Wedding wedged into one interminable package -- and the one-two punch they got to co-star in the thing?
Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney.
Now don't think I'm being cruel here; I've seen Messing a few times on "Must Watch Wednesday" or whatever the kids are calling it these days... She's pretty. And, on occasion, she can fling a punch-line with a little gusto. Leading lady? Nope.
Dermot Mulroney is an actor I've liked for quite some time now. In some movies, he's a commanding and colorful presence. (See: Copycat, The Last Outlaw, Living in Oblivion or Undertow) But here ... not. It's as if Mr. Mulroney is well aware that he's sleepwalking through a Hallmark Card of a non-movie, and he's exhibiting just enough motion to legally earn his paycheck.
It's not just that The Wedding Date is cobbled together from only the ripest "chick flick" table scraps imaginable, and it's not that the ill-fitting romantic leads exhibit the onscreen chemistry of broken fingernails on a chalkboard -- and it's not even that the flick is written, directed, and performed with all the wit and energy of an asthmatic llama. It's that there's not one laugh to be found in the thing. Not one, unless you consider a grown woman shrieking at the sight of a penis the pinnacle of all things whimsical.
Deleted Scenes is a collection of footage deemed unworthy for inclusion within one of the lamest comedies of the year. You do the math.
The cherry on top of this misshapen cake has got to be the feature-length audio commentary with Debra Messing. Yes, alone. All by herself. Chattering away for 90 consecutive minutes without an end in sight where's my shotgun.
She opens in a twinkly little voice, sounding for all the world like that "Turn the Page!" lady from those books you used to listen to when you were three. From there Ms. Messing explains how credit sequences are created "after" principal photography has wrapped, how she wanted to look "extra ugly" in one particularly un-hilarious sequence, and how she sometimes wore her own clothes during the shoot. Surely this is what DVD was invented for.