I had heard numerous bad things about THE WICKER MAN remake, but nothing could've prepared me for just how awful it actually is. Forget complaining about the lack of suspense or logic - you won't even be worrying about details like that. No, your concerns will probably geared more toward the dreadful direction, laughable screenplay, piss-poor acting, and the overall straight-to-DVD feel of the production. What's most shocking is that Neil LaBute (the writer and director) is actually a very talented man; some of his films include IN THE COMPANY OF MEN, NURSE BETTY, and THE SHAPE OF THINGS. This begs the question... was he really trying? Like... at all? How about Cage? Was he trying? ...I sure hope not. He delivers easily the worst performance of his career (which is sad, since he's been on a roll lately). Not that it's entirely his fault. It's kind of hard to look good when the character you're playing is an unprofessional, obnoxious moron who is about as endearing as the creepy townspeople he's investigating.
Here's a sampling of things that Cage violently shouts during the film (the extra exclamation points give it a little "pizzazz", which I can only imagine is what Cage thought too).
THE BEES!!! NOT THE BEEEEEES!!
MY LEGS!!! MY LEGS!!!
YOU BITCHES!!! YOU BITCHES!!!
STEP AWAY FROM THE BIKE!!!
HOW'D IT GET BURNED??? HOW'D IT GET BURNED??? HOW'D IT GET BURNED???
KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY!!!
With laughable lines like that, THE WICKER MAN feels much more like a comedy or a spoof than an actual thriller. At one point in the film, we see Cage's character find the dead body of a girl underwater. He suddenly wakes up, shocked. It was just a dream. Then he looks down to find the dead girl in his arms. Bam! He wakes up again and shouts, "Goddamn it!" ...how is that not supposed to be funny? Well, whatever the case, the rest of the film has plenty more where that came from, so if you like bad movies then it's worth a laugh.
Gotta love YouTube.
(*BEWARE OF HILARIOUSLY AWFUL SPOILERS*)
Audio Commentary (with writer/director Neil LaBute, actresses Leelee Sobieski & Kate Beahan, editor Joel Plotch, and costume designer Lynette Meyer): This is mostly LaBute's track, and it involves him discussing the film like it weren't a complete piece of crap. If this were a good movie, this would be a good track. Fans will like it.
The film's Theatrical Trailer is also on the DVD.