U.S. Seals 2
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
A renegade U.S. Seal who has gone mad takes over a remote Russian Island, along with two nuclear missiles. He threatens to blow up the East Coast unless he gets a cool billion greenbacks in return. Another team of Seals is sent to thwart his plans but this island is infested by methane gas and conventional guns can’t be used. Boy, let’s see how we get out of this jam…
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
What do you get when you throw bad dialogue, horrible delivery, plot holes the size of JoBlo’s ass, the most unrealistic action since IRON MONKEY and a bad guy who couldn’t scare a toad into one film? You get U.S. Seals II, that’s what you get! From the beginning to the end, this film is rife with stupid lines, bad special effects, idiotic sound effects and as a redeeming point...chicks with sweet asses. Can anyone explain to me why, if this island is so unstable that we can’t fire guns without setting of an explosion, we can still ride cars, smoke cigars, use electricity, and fire off huge nuclear rockets? Can anyone explain why this team is assembled of ragtag Seals instead of actual Seals? Is the post-Clinton US Military in such bad shape that Seals must be recruited on the spot from pool halls, prisons and other various places? What the hell?
I don’t get it. The one thing that kept me watching was the really short skirt worn by Dr. Burroughs, the Nuclear Scientist. She’s so hot that she could be my doctor any day (excuse me Doctor ma’am, I seem to be having a problem with my knob!). Other than that, this is a group of half-assed stuntmen, saying a bunch of stupid things. For some reason, every time one of these clowns moves his hand or neck, it goes “whoosh”. I can’t guess as to what causes this phenomenon. On the plus side, this movie never gets slow and some of the stunts are indeed pretty spectacular. And even though the fighting is terribly unrealistic, you can’t help but get a kick out of it, only problem is that every time you get a kick out of some cool stunt, you get kicked in the stomach by some idiotic line.
Other than the trailer, there are no extras to report. Instead, in this spot, I will once again re-iterate how hot the “nuclear scientist” is. She could set off my nukes any day!
I wouldn’t say that this film should be destroyed, but I can’t really recommend it to anyone either. There are some glimmers of hope once in a while but they quickly get dashed away. One suggestion if you choose to pick it at the video store is to make it the second movie on 2-for-1 night and please drink as much as you can before watching it, it may be the only way you can enjoy it.