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Waterworld (2-Disc)
DVD disk
11.25.2008 By: Mathew Plale
Waterworld (2-Disc) order
Director:
Kevin Reynolds

Actors:
Kevin Costner
Tina Majorino
Dennis Hopper

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
In a post-apocalyptic world where water has drowned most of the land, a drifter (Costner) leads a chase to reach Dryland with the help of a little girl's (Majorino) secret.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Friend #1: How do the Smokers have cigarettes if there’s no soil to grow the tobacco in?
Friend #2: Maybe they’ve already discovered Dryland and have jugs of dirt lying around!
Friend #1: Then why kidnap the little girl?
Friend #2: Because they’re terrorists! That’s what they do!

Perhaps I should have prefaced the above (and actual) exchange, which I’ve heard every time 1995’s Waterworld is brought up, which is, for whatever shameful reason, about twice a year.

Set sometime in The Future, the polar ice caps have melted and water has encompassed the Earth. People have adapted for the most part (there are at least two characters who never learned to swim), but they believe a mythical area called Dryland to be out there “somewhere.” The people have divided into four groups: Drifters, Atoll Dwellers, Smokers, and Slavers.

But the story limits the scope to one mutant Drifter named Mariner (Kevin Costner), two Atoll Dwellers, Enola (Tina Majorino) and her caretaker Helen (Jeanne Tripplehorn), and the relentless band of Smokers (headed by the one-eyed Deacon, played to full camp by Dennis Hopper), who kill the hours on jet-skis and cigarette-trading. It’s discovered that Enola has a tattoo on her back that may point to Dryland’s location, which makes her a desired shipmate to Deacon.

It’s not likely that the Smokers have encountered Dryland if they plan to use Enola to get there, right? So where did the cigarettes come from? This might seem a bit “nitpicky” to some, but it’s important to know why and how these characters do what they do, and not just accept it because the movie’s “futuristic.” I’m also curious as to how Mariner, by himself, created a device to purify his piss, and what possessed co-writers Peter Rader and David Twohy to incorporate the Thighmaster and the Peter Gunn theme into their screenplay.

So Kevin Reynold’s Waterworld is dumb, no surprise. It’s also unrealistic. Not because of the obvious, but because the blue screen overpowers all of the hard work put into the sets and costume design. It’s also loud, overlong, and nearly everything the media made it out to be. Except that, in fairness, it’s not deserving of mock-titles like Fishtar and Kevin’s Gate, since it made its budget back (plus another $90 million). But in all fairness, it’s no less of a catastrophe.
THE EXTRAS
Disc One:

Aside from the Theatrical Version (2 hrs. 16 mins.), the Trailer is included.

Disc Two:

No special features, just the Extended Version (2 hrs. 57 mins.) of the film.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Waterworld is just as bad as you've heard. But fans (and I've met too many) will be tempted to see the Extended Edition, which runs 40 minutes longer than the theatrical cut. Still, no additional features (other than a trailer) should detract potential buyers.
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