David Hyde Pierce
The jokes go from dreadful to appalling. Not only are they mind-bogglingly unfunny (you have no idea) but they sincerely shake the boundaries of whatís morally acceptable. Weíve got kids drowning and being tossed from a moving van. Thereís a great montage of counselors doing EVERY drug imaginable (coke, crack, heroine) in vivid detail until they all look like something out of TRAINSPOTTING. Thereís a wonderful sex scene involving two guys and a lot of butt thrusting. My girlfriend came downstairs just in time to catch the cookís conversation with a can of mixed vegetables. And yes, the can WAS talking back, but you don't wanna hear what it had to say. Dare I add the cook tries to have sex with a fridge? And Iím not talking raunchy Jim and apple pie sex, this was just wrong.
I guess the only thing more frightening than the ridiculousness herein, were the actors involved. It saddens me to say youíll recognize more than a couple of them. Iím not surprised to see the likes of Janeane Garofalo, Molly Shannon and a couple other SNL deadbeats in the mix, but this is low even for them. What did have me reeling was finding peeps like Paul Rudd, Bradley Cooper and Elizabeth Banks. Not their finest hour. Mindless randomness does not equal funny, just ask Uwe Boll. Though something tells me heís watching this film right now, taking notes and nodding his head in approval. Bollís crapshoot POSTAL made more sense than this rubbish. I weep for the souls of each and every actor/actress involved in this act of retina burning foolishness. If years of boozing and drugs hadnít upped my brainís tolerance to evil such as this, watching this flick may have caused me some serious brain damage. I always knew partying would save my life one day.
This movie (and I use the term loosely) contains ZERO watchable qualities, aside from being able to say ďyes, I HAVE seen the shittiest movie ever made!Ē The cover says itís ďHilariousĒ but I ask you, does watching Janeane Garofalo try to get some ass sound funny? How bout Molly Shannon crying for fifteen minutes over an ex-husband, only to hook up with (and marry) a ten year old? Oh yes folks, I could keep going, but I hope to hell youíve heard enough. If you need me, Iíll be at the hospital getting a lobotomy.
Soundtrack with Extra Farts: Well hereís a new one. You play the movie (like a commentary) only instead of the play by play, you get the wondrous addition of (sigh) fart noises. Writing this makes me feel dirty.
Deleted Scenes: Lets see; Boners, exposed sausage, goats, masturbation, yelling and an F-bomb or two. How the hell did gems like these not make the cut? And the commentary still tries to sell this as comical. Iím so disappointed.
Theatrical Trailer: You really donít need to watch the trailer, nor should you wish to visit the movie website address at the bottom of the screen. Youíve been warned.
Cast Comments: A handful of cast members go on about how great the film is and all the one liners theyíre sure people are gonna take away with them. They even compare this movie to Caddyshack. I wonder if they watched the same film I did? Did I miss something?
Behind the Scenes: Lots of rainy outdoors. Lots of raincoats. And I particularly loved the idea of Molly Shannon pimping out her craptacular movie SUPERSTAR to all the kids. Gotta love a woman with class.
Songs with Production Stills: Choose between four songs from the film as a slide show of pics unfolds before your eyes. If youíve made it this far, youíve seen more than enough already. Trust me.
Cast and Crew Biographies: A complete list of cast and crew stories giving you the who, what, when and where. Quite frankly, watching this movie will probably make you want to forget you ever heard of these people, not see more. But Iím a little cynical.