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Wet Hot American Summer
DVD disk
03.17.2009 By: J.A. Hamilton
Wet Hot American Summer order
Director:
David Wain

Actors:
Janeane Garofalo
David Hyde Pierce
Molly Shannon

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
It’s the last day of camp.....in a place you’d NEVER want to be and wouldn’t dream of sending your children.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
I went to bible camp when I was about eight years old (don’t ask) and it was about as exciting as clarinet lessons. But after watching this asstacular flick, reading the bible sounds like a trip to Six Flags. At no point does this tub of putrid bath water exhibit even a spec of film worthiness. This thing is void of any semblance of plot or storyline, leaving a brittle string of loathsome stereotypes you’ve seen a gabillion times– clueless adults letting children run amuck, a nerd obsessed with the hottie who’s dating a complete dick, an angry cook who yells gibberish, and the list goes on and on until you stare up into the heavens and scream WHY GOD WHY?

The jokes go from dreadful to appalling. Not only are they mind-bogglingly unfunny (you have no idea) but they sincerely shake the boundaries of what’s morally acceptable. We’ve got kids drowning and being tossed from a moving van. There’s a great montage of counselors doing EVERY drug imaginable (coke, crack, heroine) in vivid detail until they all look like something out of TRAINSPOTTING. There’s a wonderful sex scene involving two guys and a lot of butt thrusting. My girlfriend came downstairs just in time to catch the cook’s conversation with a can of mixed vegetables. And yes, the can WAS talking back, but you don't wanna hear what it had to say. Dare I add the cook tries to have sex with a fridge? And I’m not talking raunchy Jim and apple pie sex, this was just wrong.

I guess the only thing more frightening than the ridiculousness herein, were the actors involved. It saddens me to say you’ll recognize more than a couple of them. I’m not surprised to see the likes of Janeane Garofalo, Molly Shannon and a couple other SNL deadbeats in the mix, but this is low even for them. What did have me reeling was finding peeps like Paul Rudd, Bradley Cooper and Elizabeth Banks. Not their finest hour. Mindless randomness does not equal funny, just ask Uwe Boll. Though something tells me he’s watching this film right now, taking notes and nodding his head in approval. Boll’s crapshoot POSTAL made more sense than this rubbish. I weep for the souls of each and every actor/actress involved in this act of retina burning foolishness. If years of boozing and drugs hadn’t upped my brain’s tolerance to evil such as this, watching this flick may have caused me some serious brain damage. I always knew partying would save my life one day.

This movie (and I use the term loosely) contains ZERO watchable qualities, aside from being able to say “yes, I HAVE seen the shittiest movie ever made!” The cover says it’s “Hilarious” but I ask you, does watching Janeane Garofalo try to get some ass sound funny? How bout Molly Shannon crying for fifteen minutes over an ex-husband, only to hook up with (and marry) a ten year old? Oh yes folks, I could keep going, but I hope to hell you’ve heard enough. If you need me, I’ll be at the hospital getting a lobotomy.
THE EXTRAS
Commentary with director/co-writer David Wain, co-writer Michael Showalter and actress Janeane Garofalo: The trio try to sound sincere while throwing around the term "funny" in relation to the film. This bothers me. They do admit that many of the aspects surrounding these jokes are a touch weird, but for some reason still refer to them as fresh humor. This movie was so bad my DVD player hissed at me the next time I walked past it.

Soundtrack with Extra Farts: Well here’s a new one. You play the movie (like a commentary) only instead of the play by play, you get the wondrous addition of (sigh) fart noises. Writing this makes me feel dirty.

Deleted Scenes: Lets see; Boners, exposed sausage, goats, masturbation, yelling and an F-bomb or two. How the hell did gems like these not make the cut? And the commentary still tries to sell this as comical. I’m so disappointed.

Theatrical Trailer: You really don’t need to watch the trailer, nor should you wish to visit the movie website address at the bottom of the screen. You’ve been warned.

Cast Comments: A handful of cast members go on about how great the film is and all the one liners they’re sure people are gonna take away with them. They even compare this movie to Caddyshack. I wonder if they watched the same film I did? Did I miss something?

Behind the Scenes: Lots of rainy outdoors. Lots of raincoats. And I particularly loved the idea of Molly Shannon pimping out her craptacular movie SUPERSTAR to all the kids. Gotta love a woman with class.

Songs with Production Stills: Choose between four songs from the film as a slide show of pics unfolds before your eyes. If you’ve made it this far, you’ve seen more than enough already. Trust me.

Cast and Crew Biographies: A complete list of cast and crew stories giving you the who, what, when and where. Quite frankly, watching this movie will probably make you want to forget you ever heard of these people, not see more. But I’m a little cynical.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
For the love of Pete, don’t spend money on this movie! Don’t even watch it for free. If you happen to see it sitting on a shelf at a friend’s house, BURN IT, bury the remains and slap your friend. Twice. And NEVER speak of the incident again.
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