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Wise Girls
DVD disk
Oct 7, 2004 By: The Shootin Surgeon
Wise Girls order
Director:
David Anspaugh

Actors:
Mira Sorvino
Mariah Carey
Melora Walters

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Meg (Sorvino) gets a job at an fancy Italian restaurant in New York and soon finds out the restaurant is connected to more than just the butcher shop. When mobsters start throwing a bit too much of their spaghetti-made weight around, she and her two waitress friends (Carey and Walters) are caught right smack dab in the middle of it.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
Am I mistaken or did Mira Sorvino win an Oscar a few years back? I'm just curious because either I'm wrong or she decided to follow the Nicolas Cage Express to Nowhere following that win. Sorvino is, unfortunately, the lone bright spot in this unoriginal buddy/mob film and even though she's not given much help in terms of a competent supporting cast, she does manage to stick out like a sore good thumb on a very sore hand. Then again, what do you expect when you sign up to star opposite Mariah Carey, one of the most messed-up people in entertainment and star of a classic such as GLITTER and numerous Barbara Walters tear-jerking specials? What do you expect when you sign on to a project with a script that has the excitement level of a day at the optometrist's? What did you expect? That this film would bowl over Hollywood and reward you with yet another nomination? Did you expect Mariah Cary wouldn't dress like a whore? Did you expect the no-name, no-talent cast around you to offer you the opportunity to expand as an actor? No. I know you didn't. Because if a tool like myself could have figured it out, you could have as well Mira and sadly enough...I'm pretty sure you did.

I don't know what else there is to say about a film like this. There's nothing new that it brings to the table, there aren't any scenes that stand out and there are a lot of questions left open at the end. But its main knock is simply that it is boring to watch and that you can pretty much call the shots before they happen. Melora Walters offers some pretty good competition to the boredom factor though, with one of the most laughable performances on record and one that made Mariah Carey and the other two-bit actors look like Catherine Deneuve and Sir Lawrence Olivier. Overall, not much to say about this one other than the fact you get to see Carey walk around in short, very low-cut dresses (she has enormous breasts!) and that you can have fun watching Sorvino give a little acting lesson to this community theater crew. One you can definitely afford to miss.
THE EXTRAS
There is a God for there was no more pain to be submitted to than just the "film".
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Really, don't waste your time on this. You can catch any other made-for-TV mob story and chances are that you'll make out better than if you pick this up. Let it gather some dust on the video store shelves and maybe some day you can pick it up as a used copy and throw out the DVD so you have a replacement case in the event you break one of yours..
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