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Without a Paddle: Nature's Calling
BLU-RAY disk
05.20.2009 By: J.A. Hamilton
Without a Paddle:  Nature's Calling order download
Director:
Ellory Elkayem

Actors:
Oliver James
Kristopher Turner
Rik Young

Rating:
Movie:
Extras:
Overall:

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WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Two friends (and an annoying sidekick) set off for the woods of Oregon in search of a dying old ladyís granddaughter in hopes of reuniting them before she dies.
IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?
WITHOUT A PADDLE: NATUREíS CALLING is a ridiculous sequel that had no business being made. Of course, I could (and have) said the same thing about MANY asstacular straight to DVD sequels lately, but they just keep on coming. Remember ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS? Picture that, only ten times dumber, dipped in cyanide pudding and then pissed on for good measure. Fueled by one of the lamest plots Iíve ever seen, with no real signs of talent (either in front of or behind the camera), this flick is nothing but a poor rehashing of the first one MINUS all the good stuff.

The story drags on like a two hour lecture on fertilizer, which is fitting because the writing is pure crap. These characters are lacking in every sense of the word (especially when it comes to humor), and thereís absolutely no chemistry between them. Not that it would have made much of a difference, the cast was atrocious and overacted to the point of nausea, especially the douchebag from hell Nigel. Had I been on that raft, Iíd have gone TALENTED MR. RIPLEY on his ass with one of those oars. I mean I can understand director Ellory Elkayemís idea of casting his film with a worthless throwaway bunch to cut the budget, but damn was this thing horrible (I guess I shouldnít be surprised, considering Elkayemís last two flick were RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 4 and 5).

The CGI was no treat either, consisting of a humming bird and an army of squirrels. If the monkeys from KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL pissed you off, these squirrels will no doubt make your blood boil. I was certainly seeing red. I was also a bit iffy about earth childís condo in the woods. Iím supposed to believe they made that!? It looks like they flew in Mike Holmes to pimp the place out for them. And speaking of the woods, Hal Gore? I couldnít believe what I was hearing. Did you know squirrel farts are the cause of global warming? Me neither. Letís never mention this again.

From start to finish WITHOUT A PADDLE: NATUREíS CALLING is not only a let down of epic proportions, but a complete and utter waste of time. Everything about it was either stolen from the original, sucked squirrel nuts, or simply made me blush with shame. And worst of all, this movie isnít funny. I expected some flaws here, but ďflawedĒ only begins to scratch the surface. The only good thing to come of this is the knowledge I can help further my boy Jason Adamís AWFULLY GOOD collection with a new entry. Other than that, donít waste your money. This time around, these guys shouldíve STAYED lost.
THE EXTRAS
Up The Creek: The Making of Without a Paddle: Natureís Calling: The director and cast share their views about the film. Oliver James says he didnít watch the first on (purposely) because he didnít want to steal any comedic content. Iím thinking maybe he should have.

Furious Nuts: An unfunny attempt to explain the squirrels. A true insult to anyone with half a brain.

Treehouse Tales: A quick three minute look into both treehouse sets. It took the combined efforts of two interior decorators to bring them to life. I can see why business is slow.

Gag Reel: I know what youíre thinking, how can a five minute gag reel from an uninteresting comedy be funny? Simple, itís not.

Deleted Scenes: Four scenes. A combined total of one minute, sixteen seconds. Why bother?
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Iíll never understand the need for worthless, half assed sequels. How these things turn a profit is a mystery to me. I found out someone actually made an ANACONDA 4 this year, but as bad as it sounds, Iíd take laughably fake looking snakes over squirrels any day.
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