003797Reviews & Counting
Yours, Mine and Ours
DVD disk
02.28.2006 By: Quigles
Yours, Mine and Ours order
Raja Gosnell

Dennis Quaid
Rene Russo
Sean Faris


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An anal-retentive father of 8 marries a wacky mother of 10. That's a total of 18 kids! Wowsers! That's a whole 6 more than CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN. With even more kids, it MUST be funnier, right? ...right?
Ok, so two widows with a lot of kids fall in love. Simple enough. But get this: The dad is a conservative, by-the-book Coast Guard Admiral, and the mom is an artsy-fartsy, creative spirit. Oh, mercy - the high jinks that ensue, you would not believe! Hardee Har Har! Give me a minute to control my oh-so-irrepressible laughter. In fact, why don't I give you a taste at a few of the downright hilarious moments in YOURS, MINE AND OURS. Lets see... there's the scene where Dennis Quaid gets knocked out of a boat and completely soaked. Pure comedic gold. There's also the scene where Dennis Quaid goes face-first into a tub of paint. Comedy at its finest. Oh, and lets not forget that classic scene where Dennis Quaid does a full-body drop into a pool of green goo. HA, F*CKING, HA!

Before today, I had no idea that there could be so many 1-dimensional characters on screen at a time. There's literally not one person in the movie that has the least bit development, and that's including Quaid and Russo. In fact, these characters shouldn't even have names... they should have adjectives. That way, the audience would instantly understand what each character is all about without the filmmakers having to give them any screen time (which is basically how the movie is anyway). They could be called things like "Rocker", "Cute", and "Inventive". To save time, about two-thirds of them could be called "Annoying".

What I found most frustrating about this movie is that it isn't even suitable for young kids (a.k.a. the only audience members who might enjoy it). Most of the humor involves mean-spirited gags where the film's 18 children do rotten stuff to either each other or their mom and dad. Sure, they make it look all "silly" and "fun", plus everyone reconciles in the end, but it's put together in such a half-assed manner that you wont even comprehend why the characters all of sudden like each other. And to be honest, the sappy "make-up" shit in the end was even more unbearable than the stupid gags. The characters literally have lines like, "Let's never fight again", followed by an oh-so-cutesy hug. Sounds painful, doesn't it? Imagine that times 18 and you have YOURS, MINE AND OURS. Head my warning; this movie will make you pro-choice.
It seems the same mistake has been made twice. Quantity has once again been confused with quality. So, while there's a bundle of extras here, they hardly amount to anything worthwhile. Just as well, seeing as how the movie sucks.

Commentary by Raja Gosnell: If you were wondering how it was possibly for a director to make such a piece of crap movie as this, then listen to this commentary. Mr. Gosnell blathers on about uninteresting and meaningless crap most of the time, constantly putting his impressive vocabulary to good use. He says words like "cute", "silly", and "I'm a stupid monkey." Oh wait... that last one is just what I was waiting for him to say.

Inside the Lighthouse (16:30): This is a lousy making-of featurette which is really nothing more than an explanation of the movie and its characters. So, in other words, it's bad. The only part I enjoyed was when one of the kids who had worked with big-name directors said that Raja Gosnell was up there with Steven Spielberg. You wish, Raja, you wish.

18 Kids - One Script: The Writing of Yours, Mine and Ours (5:22): Why anyone would want to know about the terrible writing of this movie, I don't know... but here it is anyway, in all of its information-less glory. 5 minutes of movie-praising and explaining commences (well, actually it's more like 2 minutes, since about 3 of those minutes are just clips from the film).

Casting the North Family (7:02): The only worthwhile thing about this extra is that we get to see audition tapes from the kids. Not only is that sort of cool, but it also partially explains why this movie is so lame. They basically just picked up a bunch of kids from Nickelodeon TV shows and such. Oh, and the casting ladies keep repeating how amazing every single actor is... argh.

Casting the Beardsley Family (5:47): Ditto to above.

Your Big Break! Advice for Aspiring Young Actors (5:35): The actors give amazingly helpful pieces of information like, "Work hard," "Keep trying," and "Get support from your mom who's been desperately trying to get you on film since you were born because she didn't make it and wants to make you the person that she never was."

Setting Sail with the Coast Guard (3:11): This featurette discusses how this movie is good promotion for the Coast Guard. Did I miss something here?

Behind the Scenes Video Diary (8:38): This extra is nothing more than 8 and a half minutes of different kids walking around with a camera on all of the film's fake sets.

Deleted Scenes (3:52 - with optional director's commentary): Oh joy. Deleted scenes. 2 of them. And director's commentary. Whoopee!!!

There are also two Theatrical Trailers and four Previews.
I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off that I wasted over an hour of my time on this movie. I'm pissed off that I'm wasting even more time discussing it. But most of all, I'm pissed off that Raja Gosnell is still allowed to direct movies. However, my efforts wont be in vain, because (hopefully) you will hear my plea and WILL NEVER RENT THIS MOVIE.

Not that you would rent it anyway, seeing as how this movie was crapped on unmercifully by about 17 out of every 18 film critics. This ratio could also be applied to the laugh factors, since about 17 out of every 18 jokes fail horribly. (NOTE: When I start resorting to math to prove my point, you know I'm REALLY pissed off.)
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