A super-genius jet fighter goes homicidal after being struck by lightning, and it's up to three awesome pilots to save the day.

Take only the most cursory components of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, FRANKENSTEIN, FIREFOX, TOP GUN -- oh, and let's say SHORT CIRCUIT, and wedge 'em all into one airtight box. Wrap that box in dynamite, hand grenades, used bubble gum, and broken glass, and then strap it to your back while you leap off a cliff screaming "I scored 420 on my S.A.TEEEeeeeee!" That's pretty much what STEALTH feels like.

STEALTH is a movie about a rogue super-computer mega-swanky-jet-fighter, three cocky air force pilots, a whole lot of moronic nonsense, and a few random explosions. And, oddly enough, there's no "stealth" in this movie whatsoever. Being "stealthy" would imply a light touch, something delicate and planned with some strategic forethought. Nope, you'd be better off naming this fifth-generation knock-off wankfest something like GIRTH.

Those two paragraphs are what I wrote after seeing STEALTH theatrically, and I really did sit down and actively try to give the flick a second chance on DVD. Thoughts like "maybe it wasn't that bad" and "maybe I can enjoy it as a guilty pleasure" and "don't be such a grumpy bastard" were plowing through my mind as I hit PLAY ... and dear lord the movie's just as mindless, boring, and annoying as I remembered it being.

As a matter of fact, I'm done savaging it. I doubt it'll make my Bottom 10 of the year, but it sure is flirting with it. If you're among the movie fans who considers STEALTH to be good-time, mindless entertainment, that's cool. I can think of a dozen stupid movies that I love. But none of 'em are as stupid as STEALTH is. No, not even DEEP RISING.

Video: The flick's presented in a damn slick, crystal-clear, and anamorphic widescreen (2.40:1) transfer. If there's one thing you can't complain about, it's the A/V specs.

Audio: Choose between DTS (English), Dolby 5.1 (English), Dolby Surround (French), or Dolby Digital 5.1 (Thai). Optional subtitles are available in English, Chinese, French, Thai, and Korean.

The Music of Stealth is a 26-minute featurette in which director Rob Cohen and composer "BT" take pains to explain the pride, the emotion, and the pure unbridled talent behind the STEALTH score. I may be insane, but I think I heard someone compare the STEALTH score to ... Mozart? Please. To be fair, the STEALTH score is among the film's very few noteworthy assets. Seriously.

Also included on disc 1 is a music video for Incubus' "Make a Move."

Closing out the first disc is a collection of trailers for THE LEGEND OF ZORRO, RENT, FUN WITH DICK AND JANE, THE PINK PANTHER, THE DA VINCI CODE, INTO THE BLUE, The Best of WWII Movies, GODZILLA: FINAL WARS, RINGERS: LORD OF THE FANS, THE CAVE, and SEINFELD S5 & S6.

Moving on to Disc 2 we get the meat of the affair:

The three-chapter Harnessing Speed: The Making of STEALTH runs about 74 minutes in total and runs through your standard behind-the-scenes material, only with a lot more misplaced pride than a movie like this really deserves. Director Rob Cohen, producer Neal Moritz, and various crewpeople and technicians share their thoughts on the STEALTH production. Looks like a whole lot of green-screens and airplane parts. (Chapter III offers a peek at Biel's bikini, which is nice.) All in all, a well-produced documentary on a fairly terrible film. Hardcore fans of the flick will have a ball here. ARE there any hardcore fans of this movie?

Detailed and Declassified is a "scene deconstruction with MX technology," which basically means you can watch featurettes on two of the flick's key scenes (Kara's Fall & The Big Suck), with the option of periodically split-screening off to a different view. Kinda complicated.

MX Multi Channel is another two scenes (Welcome to Alaska & Explosion) that can be toggled between final cut and various stages of FX footage. Minutes of fun.

Bad, bad movie. A pretty solid documentary focusing on this bad, bad movie, and a bunch of other little bells and whistles. Feel free to rent the thing one bored Tuesday night, but don't come crying to me if STEALTH makes your brain hurt.