Former gymnastics champ turned rebellious teenager Haley gets in trouble with Sylvester Stallone’s friend The Law and is sentenced to serve her time at a gymnast training camp. This is apparently a fate worse than pound-me-in-the-ass prison, since she is faced with a tough coach, hostile teammates and a daunting national competition. Will Haley shape up and learn something about team spirit or will Jeff Bridges have to choke a bitch?

There are a certain few films that can be “bad” and still be “good,” as long as they know exactly what they want to be and go all out. Jessica Bendinger's previously penned film BRING IT ON is a good example of this kind of guilty fun. Nobody really wants to see a cheerleading movie that takes itself seriously, but everyone can get behind a flick that has a gratuitous bikini car wash scene with Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku. STICK IT tries to apply the same formula to gymnastics, with a music video-feel, consciously bad dialogue (“It’s not called gym-nice-tics!”) and plenty of hot girls in tight leotards (a better title for this movie would've been INADVERTENT VAGINA). However, it merely reaches the cusp of hilariously bad and never quite becomes a movie enjoyable by anyone other than its preteen target audience.

So instead, viewers like me are stuck with actual clichés instead of self-deprecating ones. The actors have no problem filling the requisite roles of Unruly Teen #4 or Demanding Head Coach, but from the first five minutes you can plan out the rest of the movie beat by beat. You may be telling yourself that the presence of Jeff Bridges must legitimize things somehow, but here’s photographic evidence of exactly why he took this role. (Who can blame him? Hell, I volunteer my services right now for STICK IT 2: STICK IT GOOD.)

If you’re feeling generous you can consider STICK IT mindless fun, at least until the final act where it pretty much abandons the previous “plot” and instead turns in to an unrelenting commentary on the current state of professional gymnastics. I’m all for films that have something to say, but honestly, maybe 0.01% of people will give a squat about outdated judging practices on the balance beam. It’s a complete copout of the film’s conflict and everything pretty much tapers off until the end. Which brings me to an actual exchange I had after the movie finished, which perfectly sums up my feelings towards STICK IT:

[The credits roll…]
My Friend: That’s it!? The movie had no climax!
Me: I felt a climax while watching it.

Giggity giggity giggity!

Video: 1.85:1 widescreen. If you got your sense of visual style from MTV you’re in luck.

Audio: 5.1 Dolby digital surround. Lots of alternative music and hip hop to blow out your subwoofer.

If you like the movie, you’ll most likely enjoy the numerous extras on this disc.

Commentary by director Jessica Bendinger and stars Missy Peregrym and Vanessa Lengies: Pretty much what you expect when you get three young girls together in a room to talk for two hours. (“Your hair is gorgeous. It’s ridiculous!”) They tell some “cute” stories, but I was getting flashbacks to high school gossip circles.

Commentary by Bendinger, director of photography Daryn Okada and editor Troy Takaki: Bendinger has a lot of energy and everyone has plenty to say about the film, but this isn’t really a movie where you necessarily need to hear in depth analysis on the cinematography.

Deleted Scenes (13:00): Eight scenes, each available with cast or crew commentary. There’s a couple funny ones with Jeff Bridges, but the rest are just more of the same.

Bloopers and Outtakes (3:34): Based on these, the STICK IT set actually looks like it had a fun atmosphere. There's also more of that Asian girl who gives the most bizarre reaction shots. I can't tell if it's cute, funny or alarming.

Hard Corps: The Real Gymnasts of STICK IT (4:26): Mmmm…flexible girls. A montage of all the actual gymnasts on display in the movie. I was surprised that the main characters actually had doubles that did a lot of the actual routines. I guess that means they did a good job then.

Full Routines (9:01): Unabridged versions of the competition segments. As a guy who gets intense pains just thinking about doing the splits, I salute these athletes and their bendiness.

Slow Motion Uneven Bars Routines (9:58): Falling in slow motion looks even more painful.

Two Music Videos and some Previews.

This mostly falls under the category of not being my kind of flick. I can get behind a movie for being what it is, but STICK IT strays a bit too far from both "knowingly bad" and "actually good" to appeal to everyone. If you're a fourteen year old girl though, this will no doubt be your favorite movie until the next BRING IT ON sequel makes its way to DVD.

Extra Tidbit: Using Fallout Boy as a prominent part of your soundtrack is an automatic 2-star deduction. Sorry, them’s the rules.