Indiana Sev here. As the following film was quite unorthodox and provocative, I’ve decided to add some spice and personality to the DVD review of said film as well. Before I begin, I’d like to state that I am a firm believer that one shouldn’t mix politics with DVD reviews, but I think I’ll break one of my (spank!) rules by issuing the following statement: the world today is filled with confusion, anger, bitterness and chaos; I, being just the simple fool that I am, can’t begin to try and figure out how we can start building towards peace and happiness for all, but I do know that if we should ever start, the first step in reaching that Utopian goal would be to elect Mr. James Spader as the president of the United States of America in the year 2004. Thank you.

E. Edward Grey (the great Spader) hires himself a new secretary named Lee Holloway (the delicious Gyllenhaal) and before long his mysterious nature and her need to “take a journey” unleash a powerful and intense relationship between the two that had this reviewer gasping for his breath. I haven’t been this hot since they cancelled CHEERS!

Why did it take them soooo long to make (spank!) a movie about the liberation, satisfaction and complete ecstasy people can feel through the joys of S&M? Oh, and if SECRETARY doesn’t convince you, then friends...it might not be for you. I feel very encouraged by the recent DVD releases focusing on the openness that one should embrace when exploring the relationship between their sexuality, love and yes...thy inner self (the other film to which I refer to is the great AUTO-FOCUS). As far as the “no-no” attitude that society has put upon us about exploring sexual fantasies at the workplace (spank, spank!) , well, I know it’s wrong, but you know what...sometimes it just can’t be helped; you have to let yourself go and take a walk on that wild side when and if, it calls to you (does he speak from experience, heh, heh, it sure sounds like it!!).

I won’t bore you further though. This movie is great; it’s touching, it has one of the most genuinely believable love stories I’ve seen in ages, it has a refreshingly original story, two Oscar-worthy performances (I’d like to see if Kidman can take a spanking like Maggie or if Brody can dish it out as well as King James), an amazing soundtrack (Leonard Cohen, Cake, The Seeds), quirkiness, humor, sensuality, stylish (spank!) and inventive direction, smart dialogue-, fuck it, stop wasting time reading this shite and go rent it now...it’s 10 times better than the rubbish you’ve been watching you bad, naughty little wh— (spank, spank, spank!!!!) Aaaaaaaaah! Yes, more please…

Video: Widescreen 16x9.

Audio: English and Spanish subtitles.

There is an audio commentary by director Shainberg and writer Erin Cressida Wilson. It’s very informative and insightful as they both speak in a very low-key and mannered way, which I loved because I wanted to learn and discover as much as I could from them. As you might imagine, I wasn’t particularly interested in wisecracks and silliness this time around. I strongly insist that you give these two a listen. There is also a 7-minute behind-the-scenes journey entitled Behind the Secretary (oh God, yes!) which includes interviews with the yummy Gyllenhaal, the greatest film actor of our generation (Spader), and the talented director Steven Shainberg. It’s basically a fun look at what it took to get SECRETARY made. There is also the trailer and a photo gallery for your viewing pleasure.

Hey, JoBlo, I need a goddamn secretary already! These DVD’s have been piling up and I need to tie up a dirty— I mean, I’m all tied up in work with these reviews and the fuckin’ quizzes and shit. Get it done! Go buy SECRETARY as soon as you finish reading this and spank me later. It’s about time a beautiful film (and I sincerely mean that) like this comes along, so don’t let the opportunity pass you by…who knows, there might be a whole new world out there for you to discover you naughty little...