Attractive female FBI agent Gracie Hart is back, and this time she's trying to solve a kidnapping case in Las Vegas! Oh, and she's rrrreally obnoxious this time around, and she's got a sassy new bodyguard to argue with!

Not only is Miss Congeniality 2 not a good movie -- it's one of the most shamelessly pointless, stunningly unfunny, and poorly constructed auto-pilot sequels I've ever seen. And I see 'em all.

First off, I challenge you to find one likable, funny, or sympathetic character in this movie. The first flick succeeded mainly because leading lady Sandra Bullock was so sweet and cute -- even when she was kicking a little butt. For some bizarre reason, the Gracie Hart found in the sequel is a hateful and shallow troll of a woman. I "get" the point that success has gone to Gracie's head, and that part of the "narrative arc of the film" (chuckle) dictates that Gracie will eventually discover how nasty she's been -- but that doesn't change the fact that you're expected to spend 92 minutes with lead character who's a charmless jerk.

Out trots a collection of rather humiliated-looking supporting players, none of whom can even make a dent in this hollow corporate husk of a movie. Regina King: petulant and unpleasant. William Shatner: broad and witless. Diedrich Bader: stunningly annoying. Hell, if not even Treat Williams can make a few scenes work, you're looking at a spectacularly inept display of moviemaking.

The plot of MC2 feels like a slab of meatloaf that's been microwaved about three times too many. The kidnapping schpiel, combined with the catty "oh no you didnt!" interplay between Bullock and King, and the outlandishly infantile "Gracie in disguises!" material ... it all adds up to a 115-minute migraine. (And the fact that this leaden mass actually runs 115 minutes is just unbelievable.)

Written by Bullock's own personal screenwriter (Marc Lawrence, who also wrote Two Weeks Notice, Miss Congeniality, and Forces of Nature), MC2 is the worst sort of cookie-cutter, churn-it out sequeliziing out there. It's enough to make you kick yourself for telling people that the first Miss Congeniality was "surprisingly good!"

Video: The widescreen anamorphic transfer is quite crisp, clean, and clear -- which is to be expected from a movie less than six months old. If the flick were even halfway watchable, you'd probably be pretty impressed by the transfer.

Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1 in your choice of English or French. If you don't understand a word of French, I recommend you watch the movie with this track running.

In a shocking display of mercy, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (even the title is a headache) comes to DVD with next to nothing in the Extra Features department.

There's a brief block of deleted scenes (referred to on the menu screen as "missing scenes," as if the editor simply couldn't find them) and the original theatrical trailer. No 17-minute EPK "OMG, he/she was soooooo talented!" material, no aural chore of a commentary by director John (Joe Somebody) Pasquin, and no drag-queen music videos.

I suppose WB is holding off until the Unrated Director's Cut DVD...

Hey, I like Sandra Bullock and I did enjoy the first Miss Congeniality, so I'm not just trying to kick a dead horse here. But there's no getting around it: Miss Congeniality 2 looks and feels like a "who cares?" project that was rushed into production, written on the spot, and presented with very little in the way of quality control. It's not funny, it's not charming, and it's absolutely not a movie that need ever see the inside of your DVD player.