A bad-ass soldier-turned-art thief makes off with a priceless painting, thereby causing all of Romania to explode in a series of confusing car chases, slap-happy chop-socky, and a whole lot of confusing chit-chat.

If you've been participating in the "Who will become the next Steven Seagal?" office pool, and your post-it note says "Wesley Snipes," then yes, 7 Seconds is a pretty great movie.

For everyone else, and by 'everyone' I also mean Wesley himself, my advice would be to stay pretty far away from 7 Seconds. Shot on the cheap and laden with confusion, it's a movie about one great thief, several stupid villains, and a really sexy British babe. When the movie's not zooming down a Romanian street or asking Wesley to kickbox unconvincingly, we're forced to suffer through endless reams of screenplay blather that's not even awful enough to be amusing. You won't care who gets away with what and/or who ends up double-crossing whom, so the chases, escapes, and ass-kickings never seem to matter all that much.

Chock full of atrocious dialogue, disinterested acting performances, more pointless editing than you'd ever imagine possible, and a directorial style that could be best described as "not ... good," 7 Seconds marks Wesley's full and near-total descent into direct-to-video mega-schlockitude. After Unstoppable, 7 Seconds, and the upcoming Marksman, it looks like Snipes might just have found a DTV home alongside Steven Seagal, C. Thomas Howell, Casper Van Dien, and Corbin Bernsen.

Video: Widescreen (1.85:1) anamorphic transfer, which actually stunned me by looking pretty damn solid.

Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1, with optional English subtitles. Crank it up load during the opening chase scene, and be sure to hit the mute button whenever the characters begin talking.

Just a bunch of trailers for other Sony releases: Full Throttle, Layer Cake, Rescue Me, and xXx: Director's Cut.

Despite the persistent gossip which states that he's actually kind of a jerk in person, I've always kinda liked Wesley Snipes. It's pretty sad to see Willie Mays Mayes / Nino Brown sink to the b-movie depths like this. And while I hope the guy makes a big comeback someday, that doesn't mean his current projects are even remotely worth watching. If it pops up on cable one night, I'll be surprised if you give this flick more than 700 seconds.