While the petition to stop him from making movies steadily rises to one million (article link), IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNEON SIEGE TALE will be available for your viewing pleasure on DVD this Tuesday, thus reaffirming to all those that regrettably missed the undeniable masterpiece in theaters why that petition exists in the first place.

Uwe Boll

Genre of choice:
Horror/Video Game Adaptations

Filmography:
Blackwoods (2002)
Heart of America (2003)
House of the Dead (2003)
Alone in the Dark (2005)
BloodRayne (2005)
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)
Seed (2007)
Postal (2007)
BloodRayne II: Deliverance (2007)

The Best

Uwe Boll has yet to make a movie that doesn't suck.

The Worst

I'm going to do something a little different here. Instead of actual reviews (because, let's be honest, what else is there to say at this point?), I'm going to post quotes from Uwe Boll detailing his thoughts on the films he's made. Enjoy.

1. HOUSE OF THE DEAD - Uwe Boll says: "I think I made a perfect House of the Dead movie, because it really shows how the game is." And also, regarding the film's final battle: "I think in 10 or 20 years, this scene will be remembered not only by horror-fans but by audiences in general as something you can watch again and again and where people say 'Holy shit, I've never seen anything like that.'"

2. ALONE IN THE DARK - Uwe Boll says: "'Alone' is better than most horror movies out today. Today, I looked out at the word of mouth on 'Alone in the Dark' and there seems to be a lot of medium, okay and good reviews coming out. This movie isn’t shit and whoever says it’s shit doesn’t like horror movies."

3. BLOODRAYNE - Uwe Boll says: "I really liked the game because the characters are so great. It has really kick-ass characters and it has that thing, that she’s not the Lara Croft, [where] you never see really the breast."

4. IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE - Uwe Boll says: "This is a very dark, epic picture in the tradition of the Sergio Leone Westerns that blends the imaginative action of 'Hero' and 'House of Flying Daggers.'" And also: "We're doing a big epic with big emotion. If people liked 'Dances With Wolves' or 'Braveheart,' they'll like this movie.'"

Hidden Gem(s)

Uwe Boll may not have any "hidden gems," but he does have a bunch of "hidden crapfests." Granted, they're not nearly as awful as his video game adaptations, but they still suck mightily nonetheless.

First up is SANCTIMONY (trailer link), a laughable ripoff of SE7EN starring Casper Van Dien and Eric Roberts. Then we have BLACKWOODS (trailer link), a STV psychological thriller about evil rednecks. Lastly there's HEART OF AMERICA (trailer link), a spectacularly unsubtle ripoff of ELEPHANT. I'm not even gonna bother mentioning his first four German pictures, since none of them were released outside of Germany and I don't hate myself enough to waste energy tracking them down.

Style/Trademarks

Uwe Boll is known for his endless persistence when it comes to adapting video games into the worst possible movies imaginable. Some of his recurring stylistic choices include multiple flashbacks and excessive amounts of slow motion. He's also been noted for his ability to attract a shocking number of clearly desperate B-list movie stars to act in his films.

Behind the Camera

On top of being considered by many the worst filmmaker working today, Uwe Boll is also infamous for the way he handles criticism and his methods for receiving funding for his films.

Boxing the Haters - In what was dubbed "Raging Boll," Uwe Boll challenged critics to "put up or shut up," finding five of his harshest critics willing to step in the ring and box him. The contestants included Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka from Something Awful, Chris Alexander from Rue Morgue magazine, Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello from Cinecutre, Jeff Sneider from Ain't it Cool News, and Chance Minter, an amateur boxer and online critic. Kyanka later stated that they were initially told the whole thing was just meant to be a PR stunt and they would receive training before the actual match, which wasn't true. Boll managed to win all five fights with ease. Unsurprisingly, all this stunt did was make him look like even more of a douchebag.

Funding Loophole - In the past, Boll was able to fund his movies by a German tax law that allowed investors to write off the amount of money they put in as a tax deduction, thus allowing them to invest borrowed money and write off any of its associated fees. This law was changed in January 2006, bringing up a new debate over how Boll still manages to get funding for these movies.

Internet Nastiness - Recently, Boll responded to a negative review of his film POSTAL by emailing the critic with this: "your review shows me only that you dont understand anything about movies and that you are a untalented wanna bee filmmaker with no balls and no understanding what POSTAL is. you dont see courage because you are nothing. and no go to your mum and [f*ck] her ...because she cooks for you now since 30 years ..so she deserves it.
people like you are the reason that independent movies have no chance anymore.
PS: POSTAL is R RATED . The MPAA understood the satire -- you not -- you dumb [f*ck]." You can find the full article here.

Online Petition - In an interview, Boll responded that the amount of signatures on an online petition asking him to stop making movies wasn't sufficient, and that he'd need to see one million to be convinced. This off-hand comment spread like wildfire, resulting in a huge increase of online signatures. He then made a video response to this where he called Michael Bay and Eli Roth "f*cking retards" and also claimed himself to be "the only genius in the whole f*cking business." When asked about this, Bay responded that he doesn't care in the slightest, and that Boll "is obviously a sad being." Roth, meanwhile, stated that his insult was the "greatest compliment ever."

Uwe Boll has written two German books, which translate to 'How a Movie has to be made in Germany' and 'Series and Their Genres' (dealing with themes of serial TV).

Upcoming Projects

Uwe Boll has numerous upcoming movies that I'm sure fans are excited about. Two of his finished but not-yet-released (in the U.S.) pictures include POSTAL (trailer link), another video game adaptation which Boll says is "one of the funniest and most important films of the last decade" and that "In 20 years this film will be a classic of the same status as Kubrick's 'Dr. Strangelove'", and SEED (trailer link), which includes footage of animals being slaughtered over the opening credits (sounds like a winner, right?).

Also in the works are -- surprise! -- more video game adaptations: TUNNEL RATS (trailer link), FAR CRY (trailer link), SABOTAGE 1943, BLOODRAYNE 3, and ZOMBIE MASSACRE.

Overall

Self-proclaimed genius Uwe Boll is a man of few words, or at least few coherent ones. If you're in a need of a laugh, go ahead and try to decipher them. While you're at it, try to do the same for his movies.

What are your favorite/least favorite Uwe Boll films? Submit your choices in the Strike Back section below!