Alien 5 Screenplay

[Jix]

Hi guys. Here’s an Alien 5 screenplay I wrote. It’s a real, formatted screenplay. To make a long story short: it comes a few years too late.

Here’s a link to it:

http://www.cineglow.com/files/alien_5_exodus.rar

A little bit about me:

- I’m 30 years old.
- I'm a professional writer/translator.
- I used to write for Askmen.com (fitness, health, diet & travel articles).
- I wrote a book on restaurants in Montreal (in French) called Resto Cité. It was published by Quebecor Media, the biggest book publisher in the world.

All the agents I've contacted told me to forget it since AVP2 got green-lit. Since the script will never be picked up, I'm pretty much finished with it. You can always comment on it, but I'm moving on and won’t work on it anymore. Just read it and have fun. I just want the fans out there to enjoy it. No point deleting something I've worked on for 6 years (on and off) when someone out there might get a kick out of it.

It’s got space marines, a bunch of queens, an alien home world, nukes, jets, high velocity guns, personnel carriers and more. Loads of fun... It’s a bit long (148 pages), but most of James Cameron’s scripts are that long. I formatted it to his writing style - something I shouldn’t have done, but what the hell. I wrote it in the spirit of James Cameron's Aliens, so I consider it my way of saying goodbye and thanks to one of the best action movies ever made... that didn't get a sequel.

Here’s a synopsis (warning - spoiler):

Two years after the USM Auriga incident, Aliens reach Earth’s Red-Zone - a now forsaken and uninhabitable portion of the planet above and below the 40th parallels - and nest for years until they attack points of interest belonging to the United Systems.

Ripley, who is now working for a government research lab, is sent with a group of Marines to investigate the cause of Miner disappearances. Not knowing whether the events are related to numerous rogue activities or rumored alien sightings, the unit is tasked to gather intelligence and tag one of the creatures with a tracer.

The group is forced to take refuge in an alien infested mining complex after their vehicle is damaged by the creatures during reconnaissance. Ripley slowly becomes attached to the young soldiers as the group successfully makes its way out of the complex before the government bunker-busts the alien nests from orbit.

Military action against the creatures turns sour and Ripley’s new friends are sent on an ill-fated mission to save a government executive on Earth. Ripley braves a security lockdown on one of the Orbital Space Stations to save her friends on Earth while the USM military surface bombs the entire Red-Zone in an attempt to rid the planet of all alien infestation.

Here's the link to the script again:

http://www.cineglow.com/files/alien_5_exodus.rar

Have fun!

Seb

[syxxpac]

I haven't read it yet, but that does sound sweet. Anything inspired by Aliens instantly has my attention.

If I ever get around to reading it (I'm lazy, see, and procrastinate with everything and anything :p) I'll be sure to share my thoughts.

:cool:

[Jix]

Nice avatar LOL. You definitely must be an Aliens fan.

It's an easy read I find. If it doesn't get you hooked by the 2nd page, I have failed with the script. The first two pages are a bit sketchy on purpose. The rest is pretty straightforward.

[Jix]

Well, it's been a month and I'm curious how many have read the script.

[leafboy]

I read it. It kicked ass. You're a very good writer. This has to be made!

[Jix]

Cool, thanks!

Just so you know you're the first person to read the script, the first one in almost 2 years... I've posted it on numerous alien fan sites and used scriptblaster programs twice to email thousands of producers and script agents (the second time I even included a direct link to the screenplay in the Query Letter). Everybody has given me a reason not to bother and nobody has read it. It's weird considering how much fuss there is around Alien Resurrection, AVP and the upcoming AVP2 being done differently.

[rodvcpetrie]

I'll be sure to check it out soon. I love the first two Alien films.

I admire David Fincher's work on the third movie, even though I don't really like it that much, because I know the studio had a lot to do with how it turned out. The fourth? In my world they didn't make it.

I'll leave you feedback as soon as I've read it.

Good luck on your future screenplays!

[syxxpac]

Okay, finished it, liked it a lot, but of course there are a few things here and there that didn't work for me. But before I get into good and bad, know that the important thing is that overall, it hooked me and kept me interested up till the last page... literally.

GOOD:

- The story itself was really well done, definitely something that would make a worthy fifth instalment to the series. Ripley's journey comes full circle and she goes through a logical journey from where Resurrection left off.

- The nods to the earlier films. Everything from Dallas to the brief dialogue between he and Ripley using Hicks's old line that visually strike a chord with her. I thought it was effectively subtle in most cases, and wasn't a "hint hint, wink wink, aren't I clever?" thing, so kudos to that.

- The action. My GOD, them's a lot of Aliens, and that's a good thing in this case, believe me. This was an Alien war movie that takes Aliens' setup and jacks it up full blast, and I for one appreciated the carnage candy, sir.

- Most important of all, I think, is this script is definitely better than Resurrection's, and if made, would actually made that turd look better by comparison, since you actually make sense of its ridiculous plot points, and manage to work with them. Congrats on a tough task :p

- A handful of the characters were spot on in terms of Aliens-types, and it was great seeing marines back in the fray. I got really attached to Trips, Stone & Finley, Dallas and Takahashi in particular.

- The technology and overall futuristic settings and whatnot were really well thought out, and kept in spirit to the original series, actually moreso than Resurrection did. The Sweeper, in particular, is a damn cool weapon, as are the Mechs, which are a great intro to the series. The powerloader from Aliens kinda hinted at this technology.

BAD:

- You warned me about the formatting that needs work, so I won't mention any of it...

- The ending. I think the script should stand on its own, and a crossover, while actually rather clever in this scenario given the Chancellor's final speech, was unnecessary. I dunno, it's a personal thing, I guess. It's up to you.

- While I cared for a handful of the characters, as I said, pretty much everyone else wasn't very interesting, IMO. Dwyer and Stoxen (who only starts to shine a way into the script), I didn't feel anything for them the way I did the others, despite them being a couple of the "main" marines. But I suppose this isn't a huge mark against you, considering you have a LOT of characters to follow, and you juggle them well enough for me to invest satisfactorily.

- After the group barely gets away, the change in scenery and mood is a bit abrupt, and emotionally jarring, considering what just transpired on the train ie. losing a major character that the audience is sure to love. I felt the jokers of the group, Finley and Stone, regressed back into their old behaviors a little too soon, and the fact that they do at all was a little off-base. After what happened, I never expected Finley to pull that stunt with the jacket, for example. It was way too lighthearted, but I guess it's a minor peeve since the third act gets back into the dramatic thick of things.

- A minor thing, but I think the first Alien attack on the Straddler should be kept in the dark a bit more, in terms of showing the actual creatures. A limb or tail here and there, sure, perhaps a closeup of one's face, but you describe three of them dashing around/climbing on the vehicle, etc. and though we've seen these things before, for now you should keep them largely unseen, if only to build anticipation to when we DO see them in all their glory.

- A lot of the dialogue was spot on, with military jargon, Alien in-jokes, intermingling relationships and distinguishing certain characters, etc. but some of it felt uneven, out of character, or both. The marines were oftentimes interchangeable, with the exception of Trips, who stood out as the take-charge, no-bullshit type. Easily my fave of the bunch, including Ripley. Which brings me to...

- Ripley. 80% of the time, she felt like a logical and emotional continuation of the new character established in Resurrection, but the other 20% of the time, I found myself feeling an alienation toward her (pun intended), and I didn't feel as if it was something SHE'D say or do. For instance, she seems too compassionate for the people around her, when it seems in terms of her character that she'd try to avoid human interaction as much as possible, given her memories and the pain that comes with it. She forms an emotional attachment to Dallas too quickly, IMO, but I did dig the connection. The writing is perfectly all right, but you really have to be careful with Ripley's character. For the most part you are, but it's something to keep in mind if you plan on polishing it up in the near future.

...

Whew, that about covers most things that popped into my head. For now, I don't have any other concerns, so I hope that was good enough of a critique, I'm really not good at them :p

[Jix]

You're critique was very good. You raised a bunch of good points and I appreciate your time. I think you're right that Finley's prank with the jacket was VERY tasteless and the characters might have come off as pricks having moved on so quickly. But the later scenes in the Mess Hall, the Card Game etc, all that takes place a few days after they escaped. Maybe a week or so. But ya, I'll keep that in mind.

Like you said, there are A LOT of characters so some didn't have a chance to shine. Dwyer was supposed to come off as the Second-in-Command that kinda loses his cool, but I toned him down a bit because he came off too Hudson-ish in the earlier drafts. And you're right; I didn't give some their own voice. They're just regular guys.

As for Ripley... This story takes place 5 years after Resurrection. There's a lot of stuff that happened to her (she was captured/arrested, mistreated, taken to the Research Center, exploited, befriended, etc.) She has become more human since then, and more tormented too. The dreams, time and being sent on a mission that resembles the one on LV-426 made her more like the old Ripley. She has also honed new powers. She's just too complex to develop in one movie.

I guess it's no secret that I originally intended to write an Alien 6. A lot of stuff in Alien 5 is a setup to the 6th one (which I unfortunately won't do). Alien 6 was going to be HUGE, that's why I created a lot of characters: to beef up the whole universe I intended to create. A lot of them will die in A6, some will return... like Trips, who will overshadow Ripley in the end.

== In Alien 6 ==

As you saw in Alien 5, Ripley can sense generational/genetic connections between Alien broods. But she can also feel that in humans. She asked Dallas if somebody in his past was a soldier because in Alien 6 he'll find out he's related to Hicks. Not a direct line, but enough to send Ripley's bells and whistles off. I guess I should get rid of all that. Too encumbered.

Like all aliens she will "shed her skin", if you will, and emerge as a younger Ripley. I like Sigourney but she's too damn old for all this and young blood is what the series needs (as well as the cancellation of anything AVP).

Aliens weren't completely eradicated from Earth. In fact, they spread into different parts of the planet and have begun appearing on Orbital Space Stations and colonies in different systems.

Humans continue to expand deeper into space until they reach (---- WARNING ALIEN 5 SPOILER ----) Predator space (I don't give a shit if this isn't AVP. This is how it should have been done in the first place...)

After what happened to Earth in Alien 5, and after the Chancellor's little speech, humans become hostile towards ALL aliens. The result: hostility towards Predators during first contact.

Having been shown aggression, had their territory trespassed and violated by a race "infected" with the Alien parasite, Predators retaliate.

Predators know firsthand what aliens can do to a planet once it's overrun like Earth (notice in the beginning of A5 how I refer to the skeletons on the alien planet as having a "humanoid frame" without going into too many details). They take action. Their goal: cleansed Earth before another Exodus takes place.

Full out WAR breaks out.

It turns out most of the targets that were nuked at the end of Alien 5 were human targets: the Thieves Guild, potential resistance camps, rogues, etc. The government intended to use their Lab Aliens to justify an attack in the Red Zone, so this was a pleasant surprise for them. Trips will attest to it since he was saved and picked up by members of the Guild. He will see first hand what the government did.

Ripley's brood will grow in numbers.

Etc., etc…

In the end, Earth will be saved, the Resistance will overthrow the government and a nervous cease fire will emerge between Humans and Predators. The Universe will not be the same, though, and you'll always have skirmishes between Humans, Predator and Aliens from this point on.

And then Star Wars and Star Trek will tremble in a corner in the fetal position...

Hey, I can always dream... :p

Again, good review man!

[syxxpac]

Good points all around, and I get where you're coming from with Ripley now. I figured it was the case, but I felt I should at least mention it because something stuck out to me about her, and it was kinda hard to articulate it. And in regards to Dallas, I was sure you were hinting that he was related to Captain Dallas from the first movie, whom she had a bit of a thing for as well ;)

Oh, and thanks again for the ideas you brought forth for Phoenix Rising. The one that I'm really thinking long and hard about right now is the setting of it on Earth, in the not too distant future, ships being replaced with more modern vehicles, etc. I'll probably keep it in the future, but you've raised a compelling argument. It's gonna keep me thinking for a while :p