View Full Version : Tim Allen Should Put His Mouth on an Exhaust Pipe and Die
Brando @$$ Fat
11-19-2006, 03:55 PM
Christmas is a glorious time for friends, family, and all loved ones to gather around and celebrate. There is no time of year quite like it. It's a great holiday to celebrate, even if your family isn't Christian.
Yet, I hate Christmas, because every fucking year I have to drag one of my younger relatives to see the newest Tim Allen shitfest. I've seen almost every Tim Allen movie (something I'm not proud of), and from what I have observed, one or more of these things must be true:
1. Tim Allen must not have held up his end of some contract, and now Disney owns him.
2. Tim Allen is a fucking idiot.
3. Tim Allen wouldn't know a good script if it fucked him in the eye.
4. Tim Allen cannot read, which is why he signs on to every fucking project that comes his way.
5. Tim Allen has the worst fucking agent in Hollywood.
Now, I'm not sure if #1 is true, but I'll just assume 2-5 are.
Everytime I say how much I hate Tim Allen, I always get the same earful of shit:
"Oh, but Home Improvement was such an excellent show!"
Not really.
"He was in Galaxy Quest!"
Of course, it was a family movie. Plus, he knew he would get to dress up in some fruity space outfit.
"He did voices for both Toy Story movies!"
Key word: voices
"He's such a great guy in real life!"
And I care about this because.........
Now, I know the thread title implies that I want Tim Allen to commit suicide. No, I don't want him to do that, I just want him to STOP. Stop the madness, Tim. Home Improvement isn't coming back, your movies suck, and you're not that funny. Stop, please....for the children.
Brando @$$ Fat
11-19-2006, 03:57 PM
No, I take that back, go ahead and do it Tim...........
Gian-Sergio
11-19-2006, 04:09 PM
*Makes a "what" like moan like a Gorilla from Home Improvement*
""Oh, but Home Improvement was such an excellent show!"
Not really."
Comedy is obviously the most subjective of genres, and whlie Home Improvement isn't the greatest show ever made, it's early episodes are pretty funny, with Timmy essentially doing his stand-up routine in the form of a sitcom. The show certainly holds up better than a lot of sitcoms from those years do. It's not unquestionably fantastic, but you can't just write it off as if it was a failure at comedy.
And Timmy's made some good movies, among them GALAXY QUEST, which is hilarious. TOY STORY 1 & 2 will go down as two of the greatest movies of their kind ever made, and so what if it's just a voice? Has another actor ever contributed more to an animated film? All they do is do the voices!
BIG TROUBLE and WHO IS CLETIS TOUT? have some amazingly funny moments, and I think one could see how those scripts looked appealing, even if the completed films weren't masterpieces by any means.
And yes, I'll say it, the first SANTA CLAUSE is very good and among the better of recent family Christmas movies. Both sequels are dreadful, and Allen was contracted to do both. It's the way it goes. Maybe he should wait a few years, assemble a bunch of name-actors and make a horribly pretentious and boring film about a political moment is history, and every one will look past his dreadful work.
Tyler_Durden_208
11-19-2006, 07:25 PM
Originally posted by AceD
""Oh, but Home Improvement was such an excellent show!"
Not really."
Comedy is obviously the most subjective of genres, and whlie Home Improvement isn't the greatest show ever made, it's early episodes are pretty funny, with Timmy essentially doing his stand-up routine in the form of a sitcom. The show certainly holds up better than a lot of sitcoms from those years do. It's not unquestionably fantastic, but you can't just write it off as if it was a failure at comedy.
And Timmy's made some good movies, among them GALAXY QUEST, which is hilarious. TOY STORY 1 & 2 will go down as two of the greatest movies of their kind ever made, and so what if it's just a voice? Has another actor ever contributed more to an animated film? All they do is do the voices!
BIG TROUBLE and WHO IS CLETIS TOUT? have some amazingly funny moments, and I think one could see how those scripts looked appealing, even if the completed films weren't masterpieces by any means.
And yes, I'll say it, the first SANTA CLAUSE is very good and among the better of recent family Christmas movies. Both sequels are dreadful, and Allen was contracted to do both. It's the way it goes. Maybe he should wait a few years, assemble a bunch of name-actors and make a horribly pretentious and boring film about a political moment is history, and every one will look past his dreadful work.
I have to agree with pretty much everything you say. Except I thought the first Santa Clause, while not as bad as the second (I refuse to even think about seeing the third, unless it involves me getting paid to do so), was pretty bad to me. But to each their own, I don't hold it against yeh.
BadCoverVersion
11-19-2006, 08:45 PM
Originally posted by Brando @$$ Fat
Yet, I hate Christmas, because every fucking year I have to drag one of my younger relatives to see the newest Tim Allen shitfest. I've seen almost every Tim Allen movie (something I'm not proud of), and from what I have observed, one or more of these things must be true:
Your younger relatives gots to get better taste man.
My 11 year old nephew is currently yalking at me for Arrested Development Season 3, and the younger gayer one wants to see Borat.
I'm an Aunty to 8, maybe 9...mmm.
Basically, EDUCATE those suckers...tiny minds are ripe for the picking.
"I thought the first Santa Clause, while not as bad as the second (I refuse to even think about seeing the third, unless it involves me getting paid to do so), was pretty bad to me. But to each their own, I don't hold it against yeh."
Fair enough.
And I agree with BCV...if the k ids are under 12, you can usually sway them towards a different choice. Well I wouldn't attempt taking them into Borat, something like Flushed Away at least has a measure of wit to it. But yes, with training, kids' opinions can be swayed.
Brando @$$ Fat
11-19-2006, 09:46 PM
Originally posted by AceD
"I thought the first Santa Clause, while not as bad as the second (I refuse to even think about seeing the third, unless it involves me getting paid to do so), was pretty bad to me. But to each their own, I don't hold it against yeh."
Fair enough.
And I agree with BCV...if the k ids are under 12, you can usually sway them towards a different choice. Well I wouldn't attempt taking them into Borat, something like Flushed Away at least has a measure of wit to it. But yes, with training, kids' opinions can be swayed.
If it's still out, I'm takin 'em to see The Departed. Fuck their little fragile minds, they need exposure to Scorsese as young as possible.
Backstabba
11-19-2006, 10:19 PM
Originally posted by Brando @$$ Fat
If it's still out, I'm takin 'em to see The Departed. Fuck their little fragile minds, they need exposure to Scorsese as young as possible.
When I saw The Departed, I saw a guy bring a 6 year old into it.
Lucky little dude.
jaw2929
11-20-2006, 12:50 AM
Can't fucking stand Tim Allen... He's an unfunny fucking twat that needs to fuck off and die! :o
jolanar
11-20-2006, 02:44 AM
I love Tim Allen and I love Home Improvement and I don't care what any of yall think!
*runs away hiding tears*
bigred760
11-20-2006, 04:24 AM
I've always been a fan of Tim Allen's. I loved "Home Improvement," his stand-up is hilarious, and the movies I've seen him in are good fun. Of course, I haven't seen all of them; I've only seen the first Santa Clause movie - have no desire to see the sequels, and the two Toy Storys. He makes family movies for the most part. Stop going to see his freakin' movies.
Tayzlor
11-20-2006, 01:46 PM
Was that an Emilio Estevez diz, AceD? Uncalled for!
It is evident that Mr. Allen does not produce harmless family fluff for all ages -- what he calculates is nothing short of mind rape!
If there's any occasion for the forum to unite and, and become one it's this vital thread.
At least force silent comedy or musicals upon your cousins. No one deserves Tim Allen, not even those who like him.
WTF! A running gag featuring a neighbor whose mouth you could not see?
ComeNightfall
11-20-2006, 08:33 PM
I've seen the first two Santa Clause movies. I took my younger brother to see #1 in the theater when it was released, and #2 I saw only because it was shown to nursing home residents at my old job. I thought those two movies were pretty good, despite them being predictable as all get out. #3 I won't see because Martin Short usually annoys me 99.5 % of the time.
However...
I still don't know what possessed him to do Jungle 2 Jungle. Was that one of the movies he was contracted to do?
Brando @$$ Fat
11-20-2006, 10:03 PM
Originally posted by bigred760
Stop going to see his freakin' movies.
Um, it's not that simple, I've got a little niece and I'm the only one willing to take her to these shitfests. That's what they are, shitfests. The Santa Clause, I'll admit, I'm fairly indifferent towards. It's movies like The Shaggy Dog....a remake of a movie that was horrible to begin with....that make me hate Tim Allen.
William Munny
11-20-2006, 10:03 PM
Tim Allen rocks. Period. I wish him well with whatever he does.
CletusHorniblow
11-20-2006, 11:54 PM
I love both Toy Stories, the first Santa Clause and Galaxy Quest. I find some of his standup to be funny and Home Improvement has it's moments. But that's about as far as my admiration for Tim Allen goes.
As a resident of his home state, I would like to personally apologize for the torture any of his other projects have broughten you.
ilovemovies
11-21-2006, 01:03 AM
I like Tim Allen. Home Improvement was a good show. The Shaggy Dog was a pleasant surprise. I actually kinda liked it. It was surprisingly funny. Galaxy Quest, Big Trouble, Toy Story 1 & 2. The
He has made a few stinkers, such as Jungle 2 Jungle and Zoom looked really awful too. Zoom looked liked a second rate knockoff of Sky High.
The first Santa Clause movie was good. Haven't seen the second or third one yet though. The second one looks like it might be okay, but the third one does look pretty horrible.
But for the most part, I'm a fan.
cletus66
11-23-2006, 04:40 PM
I think that TIm Allen has done some good work in his career the problem is there is 10 times more crap than quality on his resume. I think he really doesnt care and he is they type of actor who will do anything for a paycheck, quality be dammed. He is probably making at least 8 figures a year churning out these abominations for disney and as long as the cash keeps flowing in we will see another Tim Allen christmas movie each and every year.
Shockwave
11-24-2006, 06:30 AM
I like him. His movies arent for me (being a 25 year old male, i assume they arent!) but little kids seem to like many of his movies.
I guess i dont know how to word it..
.."hes not hurting anyone"
PS- Galaxy Quest rocked. They need to make a sequel.
gyro_44
11-27-2006, 03:59 PM
The only way I could jump to Tim Allen's defense would be to mention Galaxy Quest, so I will. That's one hell of an underrated movie.
Certainly, about 90% of the rest of the stuff he's churned out is pure crap.
Originally posted by CletusHorniblow
I love both Toy Stories, the first Santa Clause and Galaxy Quest. I find some of his standup to be funny and Home Improvement has it's moments. But that's about as far as my admiration for Tim Allen goes.
As a resident of his home state, I would like to personally apologize for the torture any of his other projects have broughten you.
Totally agree, and apology accepted. He still does some funny shit (sometimes). It's just rare now.
ZenDude
11-29-2006, 11:10 AM
Originally posted by Brando @$$ Fat
Christmas is a glorious time for friends, family, and all loved ones to gather around and celebrate. There is no time of year quite like it. It's a great holiday to celebrate, even if your family isn't Christian.
Yet, I hate Christmas, because every fucking year I have to drag one of my younger relatives to see the newest Tim Allen shitfest. I've seen almost every Tim Allen movie (something I'm not proud of), and from what I have observed, one or more of these things must be true:
1. Tim Allen must not have held up his end of some contract, and now Disney owns him.
2. Tim Allen is a fucking idiot.
3. Tim Allen wouldn't know a good script if it fucked him in the eye.
4. Tim Allen cannot read, which is why he signs on to every fucking project that comes his way.
5. Tim Allen has the worst fucking agent in Hollywood.
Now, I'm not sure if #1 is true, but I'll just assume 2-5 are.
Everytime I say how much I hate Tim Allen, I always get the same earful of shit:
"Oh, but Home Improvement was such an excellent show!"
Not really.
"He was in Galaxy Quest!"
Of course, it was a family movie. Plus, he knew he would get to dress up in some fruity space outfit.
"He did voices for both Toy Story movies!"
Key word: voices
"He's such a great guy in real life!"
And I care about this because.........
Now, I know the thread title implies that I want Tim Allen to commit suicide. No, I don't want him to do that, I just want him to STOP. Stop the madness, Tim. Home Improvement isn't coming back, your movies suck, and you're not that funny. Stop, please....for the children.
But according to you the children WANT to see his flicks - its you that dont :D
ElderPredator
11-29-2006, 12:00 PM
Originally posted by gyro_44
The only way I could jump to Tim Allen's defense would be to mention Galaxy Quest, so I will. That's one hell of an underrated movie.
Certainly, about 90% of the rest of the stuff he's churned out is pure crap.
I totally agree, "Galaxy Quest" was absolutely fucking hilarious. Tin was very funny in it as well as everyone else. I laugh just thinking about it. :p
vBulletin® v3.8.4, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.