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View Full Version : can someone give me their opinion on this


tomit2000
10-06-2000, 02:56 AM
I wrote this around a month ago, It's the first scene on a script I call The Gift. It's about a painting and the effect it has on those who own it.

The gift

Script:

Fade in: Credits fade in to Rachmaninovs 3rd as the credits grow longer the music increases. Credits white on a black background. As soon as the final title has appeared the background fades to a Gothic manor house with a small moat. The following title appears

(1832 5th of February, 12 midnight)

(Int. Gothic House night time.)
(The camera follows an owls swoop to a window ledge
A clock ticks loudly, water drips on to the floor.

Close shot: A man is curled up on the floor of a drawing room, his hair greased, his glass’s cracked, blood dripping from an open leg wound with the man holding a jagged piece of pottery, he is now shivering.

POV: He looks up at a picture of an American Woman the picture is captured with beauty and surrounded with elegance. The woman is holding an umbrella over her shoulder and a gown of rose satin with a lace fringe.

Close shot: The man gets to his feet and stumbles slightly, he makes his way towards the camera.

Medium long shot: Behind: He opens the window where the wind blows his hair back.

Close shot: The mans face. Trembling and haunted.

Medium shot: He puts his jacket on to a nearby cabinet as he climbs up on to the window ledge.

Close Shot: He stands focused.

Medium Shot: Then he jumps with his hands out, in to the lake below.

Long shot: The man falling towards the moat

Medium shot: The man hits the side of the bank, his face impaled on to his broken glasses. Half of him is dangling into the water. The force off the current eventually drags him in.

The camera focuses on to the woman’s face. Which fades to.

Close Underwater shot: The mans lifeless body floats on the surface as blood curdles with the water. Suddenly, light is refracted on to the surface of the moat. A scream is heard. The water ripples and a burnt candle sinks to the bottom.

The_Pink_Moose
10-06-2000, 09:11 PM
very chilling intro, definitely something that would keep me watching the movie, it has a very creepy and eerie feeling to it, do you have more of the script or is there just the intro, cuz id like to read on if theres any more to go along with that. get back to me on that

tomit2000
10-07-2000, 05:49 AM
Thanks Pink Moose, No I don't have any more as of yet but because of your message, I think I may continue with it.

tolga009
10-08-2000, 06:58 AM
SOunds good. Actually has the feel of a Tim Burton style. Would definately have me on the edge of my seat to see what the heck is goin' on! Keep on writing.