I've done it! I've figured out how to get rid of all the Scientologists!

[AndrewDB]

Alright, as many of us are aware, Tom Cruise and his loyal Scientologist croonies believe in some pretty whacked out shit..

If you don't recall what they believe in, sit back, grab some popcorn and watch the show for a minute:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v72/Xehirut/scientology.gif



Alright.. you done watching?

Notice the part about how it said Xenu was locked in the bottom of a Mountian?

Here's the idea.

Mauna Loa, is currently the he worlds largest active volcano/mountain (how much so? It towers at 13,677 feet above the sea..)

We tell Tom Cruise, and all of his fellow scientologists that Xenu has been found moving and sending messages from within it.

How do we do this?

Well we simply discover a "lost" LL Ron Hubbard book of course. That way they believe it.


Then we tell them Xenu wants them to rescue him/her/it/whatever the fuck gender Xenu is, using no protective equipment because the equipment will only get in the way when they behold his glory and he wants them to be in their 'raw flesh,' they can only use shovels and spades, and the like to 'dig' him out of his prison.



All the scientologists dig and dig and dig to the bottom of Mauna Loa, and meet a nice crispy toasty fate at the hands of Mauna Loa lava.

Problem solved.

:D

P.S: JoBlo, or a moderator, if you read this and you feel it needs to be moved into another category, feel free, I didn't know where to put it.. :cool:

[Danger^Cart]

Everytime I see, "this is what they actually believe" I crack up.

[The Postmaster General]

It was on South Park. Of course they weren't exaggerating for comedic purposes - they used a disclaimer. A disclaimer!!

[Kings-Rook1]

Originally posted by BubbaStrangelove
It was on South Park.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/38/South_Park_Xenu.jpg/200px-South_Park_Xenu.jpg

So wacky it makes me want to start my own cult, excuse me, “religion”, and get tax exempt status and brain wash people!

Great idea Xehirut I’m with ya man.

[AndrewDB]

Originally posted by Kings-Rook1

Great idea Xehirut I’m with ya man.

:D

Thanks, I was worried after about 30 views, and no comments.. I was like "Apparently people don't have a sense of humor on this site.. :rolleyes: "

[vesaker]

Hail Lord Xeniu.... or how ever you spell his name

[Cronos]

all this scientology (and Tom Cruise) bashing is getting really, REALLY boring

[Kings-Rook1]

Originally posted by Xehirut
I was like "Apparently people don't have a sense of humor on this site.. :rolleyes: "

Don't worry, there is plenty of "humor" to spare on this site.

Originally posted by Cronos
all this scientology (and Tom Cruise) bashing is getting really, REALLY boring

How can you ever get bord of hacking on a space alien cult (which smile face fucker is the sacastic one? :D ). Now hacking on Tom I can understand

[mutesaint]

If Xenu is the ruler why would he have to overthrow the loyal officers? If their loyal, wouldnt they do what he wants? Wouldnt the renagades be the ones he had to overthrow?

[The Postmaster General]

Originally posted by Xehirut
:D

Thanks, I was worried after about 30 views, and no comments.. I was like "Apparently people don't have a sense of humor on this site.. :rolleyes: "


Yeah but you are making a joke based on something that was already a joke. It would be like me making a joke about helping the people of Kazakhstan based on what I've learned watching Borat.... Actually it would be more like it if I did that 2 years from now.

I'm sure everyone gets the joke, but riffing off someone else's riff isn't exactly Moliere. I mean no offense, at least no more than saying people who don't ROTFL at my jokes have no sense of humour.

[docholiday_13]

Originally posted by Cronos
all this scientology (and Tom Cruise) bashing is getting really, REALLY boring


Laughing at goofs never gets boring.


Tiresome and redundant maybe, but not boring.

[Vong]

Scientologists are turning into the next "Jews"...

[outsyder]

Originally posted by Vong
Scientologists are turning into the next "Jews"...


:rolleyes:

[sirdizzy]

I am truly and deeply offended by this post and thread. If I were to mock your religion and make fun of the fact that you worship a man who was crucified and supposedly came back from the dead and yet he holds the people who killed him above you when it comes to entering his kingdom, you would be outraged by me making fun of your beliefs.

As a scientoligist, I demand that this thread be removed and those who mocked my beliefs be banned.

thank you

[docholiday_13]

Originally posted by sirdizzy
I am truly and deeply offended by this post and thread. If I were to mock your religion and make fun of the fact that you worship a man who was crucified and supposedly came back from the dead and yet he holds the people who killed him above you when it comes to entering his kingdom, you would be outraged by me making fun of your beliefs.

As a scientoligist, I demand that this thread be removed and those who mocked my beliefs be banned.

thank you




I call bullshit on any religion but I reserve snappy responses for fairy tales written by hack Sci Fi writers.


I mean, at least devote a religion to Yoda or Indiana Jones if you're going on pure conjecture/fantasy.

[cocksmokinclerk]

Originally posted by Vong
Scientologists are turning into the next "Jews"...

well its just so easy! lol, sorry that was outta line

as for scientoligists: i can do nothing but laugh at them

[powersauce]

I'm laughing at Scientology even more now that I recently resigned from a religion I foolishly coverted to years ago (Mormon/LDS) is cultish.

No more people telling me I'm going to hell if I see Passion of the Christ just because it's rated R! 6 years of R movies I missed out on (and WILL make up for ;) ) because of those MORmON prudes. To hell with them. :p

[cocksmokinclerk]

not to shit on other religions, but congradulations powersauce, thats good to hear

[Kings-Rook1]

Originally posted by sirdizzy
As a scientoligist, I demand that this thread be removed and those who mocked my beliefs be banned.

thank you

Damn! Well Xehirut, looks like the grand scheme has been comprimised.

[sirdizzy]

I was being sarcastic and kidding, I just think its just as funny for people to mock and make fun of other religions where almost every major religion has some ridiculous story or fable. I mean Jesus rising from the day, healing the sick is just as fantastic as some of the stories from the scientology religion, granted when I first heard what scientologist believe the sheer stupidity of the story is not what stuck me as peculiar but the fact that people pay millions of dollars a year to such a bullshit religion.

But then again when the whole story of the Catholic priests widespread sexual abuse of young men came out I had to question the very core of catholism. Do catholics feel guilty for paying millions of dollars in offerings so men could rape and abuse children and their very religion could cover the fact up. I mean those offerings payed the salaries of child molestors while the men they claim were holy and prophets covered up those crimes.

Do those of the islamic faith find sorrow that many of their religion use their god to create brutal acts of autrocity and terror.


I want get a T-shirt made that says "Jesus was a Jew"


I mean scientology may be one of the most ridiculous and stupid religions ever created by a sci-fi writer but at least they aren't raping small children, killing and trying to genocide jews, or causing terror and committing crimes in the name of their god. They seem stupid but pretty harmless to me and I will take them over any catholic holy man who would hide sexual abuse of young boys, killing in the name of allah or killing in the name of any god for that matter.

[Beeblebrox]

Originally posted by sirdizzy
They seem stupid but pretty harmless to me and I will take them over any catholic holy man who would hide sexual abuse of young boys, killing in the name of allah or killing in the name of any god for that matter. [/B]

Here here. I said the same thing in another thread. As far as crazy religions go, Scientology is relatively innocuous.

I'd worry first about the ones that fly airplanes into buildings, blow up abortion clinics, ban gay marriage, hide child molesters, send death threats to cartoonists, and execute victims of rape before I worried about some dude jumping up and down on Oprah's couch.

[mutesaint]

I am still curious as to why the emporor has to kill the loyal soldiers to enact his plan.

[Asa_Phelps]

Originally posted by Beeblebrox
Here here. I said the same thing in another thread. As far as crazy religions go, Scientology is relatively innocuous.

I'd worry first about the ones that fly airplanes into buildings, blow up abortion clinics, ban gay marriage, hide child molesters, send death threats to cartoonists, and execute victims of rape before I worried about some dude jumping up and down on Oprah's couch.

Well it would be good to remember that Scientology has been around for about 40 years while the other religions you mentioned have been around for over a thousand years. That's roughly 960 more years for people to become corrupt and taint a religion’s original ideals.

Not to mention there have been quite a lot of suicides associated with Scientology.

[The Postmaster General]

Originally posted by Asa_Phelps
Not to mention there have been quite a lot of suicides associated with Scientology.


That means Vong was totally wrong, because Scientology is becoming the next Judas Priest.