Who would be last one standing? STUPID BUT FUN!

[ToiletBug]

Ok here we go. Its a giant room the size of a baseball field with guns (both automatic and semi automatic) laying everywhere. There are also many places to take cover and even hide and then of course many open spaces to fight. Now the following people have been captured.

James Bond
Jason Bourne
Martin Riggs
John McClane
Rambo
Dirty Harry Callahan
Snake Plissken
Ethan Hunt
Vincent (Collateral)
Frank Martin (transporter)
El Mariachi

That list has now been dumped into the room. Who would be the last one standing in your opinion and who would be the first one dead.


And yes this is the dumbest thing ever on Joblo but I cant wait to see what you guys think!!!!

Im going McClane because I just cant see him dying. Even though I cant see ANYONE dying on that list....except Vincent....I saw that...but anyways I guess I see McClane the least lol...what you schmoes think??

[Kikabi]

Wait, wait, wait! We can't have a gun fight without one of the best movie gunfighters who carries a guitarcase! El Mariachi!!! Add him in there!

Also, Jack Bauer shouldn't be there - this is the movie house, not the TV house, brother.

[RandalGraves]

http://www.britfilms.tv/images/news/diehard.jpg

[pablo_super1!]

I think they should gang up on Rambo and jack bauer.

[ToiletBug]

I took out Bauer and added Mariachi....kind of dumb i forgot SORRY!


carry on!

[Le_Big_Mac]

I was going to go with John McClane but now that you've got El Mariachi on there, I think his slyness and completely implausible physical abilities would dominate the battlefield.

[Hominid]

The girl form Smallville

[Bonham]

Bond can't die. He wins.

[Backstabba]

Very, very, very close.

Ok, the top 5 would be (and would die in this order...except for #1)

5. El Mariachi
4. Bourne
3. McClane
2. Vincent
1. Rambo

[ToiletBug]

Vincent got killed by Ray Charles....he shouldnt even be on the list. Haha jk

[sarah1980]

Originally posted by RandalGraves
http://www.britfilms.tv/images/news/diehard.jpg

[pablo_super1!]

Hey I just realized you didn't include

Leon I think he has a place in that list

[Kikabi]

Right now, I see McClane taking out Vincent easy, since McClane is leaning against the bus-stop bench and doing his I'm just a cop, how did I get into this mess and Vincent yapping his I-Ching thing and bam, down he goes since McClane gets tired of that super-fast.

It's hard to tell who takes out Riggs - he's so damn easy, hiding behing that row of grocery carts, that Bourne, Mariachi, Martin and Callahan all fire at him at once. Unfortunately, Martin gets caught in the cross-fire and goes down, too. Grocery carts scatter every where, blocking parking places, as they typically do.

Now, it's a three way between Bourne, Callahan and El Mariachi behind the Burger King. But age has gotten the better of old Dirty Harry, and Mariachi and Bourne are just too quick. Down goes Callahan. El Mariachi swiftly ducks away to find his guitar case under the broken down porch.

Meanwhile, running around the warehouses, Bond and Hunt are exchanging shots, spy to spy, when Rambo springs up out no where and puts one between Hunt's eyes. Cause there's only one true international spy and Hunt ain't it! Unfortunately, Rambo's given away his position, giving Snake the opportunity to spray his muscled mass full of bullets.

Snake starts hunting Bourne, and McClane's cop instincts gives him a bad feeling about everyone except Bourne. He doesn't trust polished foreign types like Bond, and Snake and El Mariachi definitely have a criminal air about them. McClane decides to help Bourne, slowly mirroring Snake's movement through the bushes on the right.

Just when he get Snake in sight, El Mariachi leaps up from hiding and fires at Snake from the left with his two pistoleros. One bullets flies towards McClane, he feels the hot metal scream across his forehead. Blood trickles down. A close one! Enough to stagger him as he scrambles out of the way and watches Snake and El Mariachi go at it.

Snake finally gives up the ghost and McClane notices that the guitar player doesn't seem to have a scratch on him as he melts into the shadows of the cemetary. How is that possible? And who's directing this?

Saved from Snake, Bourne finds himself face to face with Bond. Bullets have run out and it's time for Bourne to really show his stuff hand to hand. Bourne is too fast for Bond, but the only true international spy allows it to continue for a while until he activates the laser in his watch and uses it to slice off Bourne's right hand. Bourne falls to his knees in agony. Bond staggers off to retrieve a loaded pistol from beneath the arm-chair and blows Bourne's brains to bits.

Exhausted, McClane hides behind a stack of crates (wait a minute - who designed this set??) when he smells a cigarette burning. Damn, I can use a cigarette he thinks with a sigh, wondering who is smoking near him, the Brit or the Mexican, not trusting either. That British guy took that other one's hand off with a lazer, for fuck's sake! And that Mexican moves like he can literally dodge bullets. Between those guys, I'm toast. And what the hell are we doing here, anyway? Oh, Jesus, do I want a fucking cigarette!

The smell is very close. Carefully, McClane lifts his pistol and creeps around the corner of the stack to take a look. There he is, the Mexican, the cigarette wedged between his lips as he searches through a cache of weapons inside a guitar case. McClane had never seen the like of it before. A fucking assassin dressed like a mariachi.

McClane points his gun at El Mariachi and says, "Gotcha." Mariachi freezes, looking at McClane from the corner of his eye. "Drop that gun and raise your hands. Slowly." Mariachi does as he's instructed. "Good. Now, kick that case away from you." Here, El Mariachi hesistates, eyes flicking from the case to McClane and back to McClane.

"Do it or I'll fucking blow your brains in!" McClane barks. Finally, with one swift kick from El Mariachi, the guitar case skitters away from them, leaving a trail of dust. McClane notices he's got one silver spur on one of his boots. Who wears just one spur? Weird.

"All right," McClane says. "Now, what do you say to a temporary truce?"

"A truce?" El Mariachi asks warily with eyes narrowed. "You ask this with a gun pointed at me?"

"Actually, what I want is a cigarette and to know where the fuck are we."

"So, you put down your gun, and I'll give you a cigarette. How do I know you're not going to just shoot me after I give you a cigarette?"

"You're just going to have to trust me on that one."

"You ask a lot over a cigarette."

"I'm dying here."

"Bueno," El Mariachi reaching into his jacket and pulls out a pack of Marlboros and a book of matches from the Oro Verde bar then hands them to McClane. Setting down the gun, McClane accepts them.

"Just like that?" McClane asks as he fire up a cigarette and takes in a welcome inhale of smoke.

"You could have just killed me and then taken them."

"Hey, I don't like killing people, you know. I didn't set out to kill anyone."

"I don't like it, either. I'm just looking for a man. Whenever I ask about him, people try to kill me." He gestures around them. "This is nothing new."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

Silently, they smoke their cigarettes while McClane tries to figure out his next move. He doesn't actually want to kill this soft-spoken Mexican but he is an assassin. Definitely on the bad-guy team. But he's honoring their truce. McClane's certain he has another pistol hidden on him. And the way that guy can move, he can get at the case before McClane could grab his gun.

The soft slide of a shoe in the dust catch both of their attention. Just as McClane lifts his gun, sure enough, a pistol appears in El Mariachi's hand. McClane sees a pair of blue eyes looking down at them and both he and El Mariachi fire at the same time. James Bond flops over backwards, dead.

They both stan and stare at the body.

"I feel bad about that one," El Mariachi says.

"Yeah, me, too, for some reason," McClane agrees.

"So, now what?

"I don't know. The rule is that only one is allowed to live after this."

"That's true. We can have a duel, then."

"Against you? No way. How about a fist-fight."

"I'm certain I'll lose against you in a fight. And you'd have to beat me to death."

"Damn, I hate that fucking rule. Shit! What am I thinking? I'm John McClane! I live to break rules!"

"I'm not so good at following instructions I don't like, either. What do you think we should do?"

"Find a way out of here. Come on."

The pair searchs the warehouse, the broken-down house with the broken-down porch, the parking lot, the Burger King and the cemetary. At last, they find an ancient masoleum and McClane notices El Mariachi crossing himself. In the back of the masoleum are stone stairs covered with dusty spider webs leading down into a tunnel. They use up all the Oro Verde bar matches until they come to a rusted iron gate. Fortunately, it's unlocked.

The air outside feels fresh compared to the dankness of the long, dark tunnel. McClane squints about and stretchs. He sees a multitude of cars wizzing past them, people in stylish clothing, and palm trees.

"Holy shit!" he exclaims. "I think we're in God-damned L.A.! I hate L.A.!"

"Los Angeles?" El Mariachi looks about him in a panic. "I can't be here. I need to be in Coahilla. Besides, I have no passport, no green card."

McClane slaps him on the shoulder. "Don't worry about that. I'll get you covered. The point is we made it out of there!"

"And we didn't have to kill each other!"

"Yipee Kay Yay, amigo!"


Gosh - somewhere along the lines this became a short story. But I just couldn't kill off my two favorite action heroes. I just couldn't!


Sorry for the mis-spellings and grammar mistakes, guys.

[ToiletBug]

Kibabi...that is the single greatest post i have ever seen on joblo and made this whole thread worth it for me. Thanks man!

I tihnk im going to come up with something like that tomorrow.

[Danger^Cart]

Riggs. You can't defeat the roll-and-shoot.

[teenkiller]

RAMBO... KILLS... ALL!!... and then some.

Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.

[Kikabi]

Originally posted by ToiletBug
Kibabi...that is the single greatest post i have ever seen on joblo and made this whole thread worth it for me. Thanks man!

I tihnk im going to come up with something like that tomorrow.

Thanks! Just my insanity working itself out. Btw, I went to the other place where you posted this thread and kind of panicked when I didn't see mine. "Oh my God! It's been deleted. They hated it. I've broken some kind of rule!" Then I noticed that you had written that you put this in two different places!

Thanks for adding El Mariachi when I asked, brother. I was going to have a surprise guest show up to lead them out of there - Ripley! But I was too tired at the end. But when you do these things, you never include any seriously kick-ass women. If the Bride was part of this melee, how different would things be, hmm?

[JackassFan]

Plissken would be the last man standing.