Steven Seagal Is A Useless Fat Shit Who Can't Act & Most of His Movies Suck ASS!

[God of War]

First let me make it perfectly clear that this thread really pains me to post... no really it does. Ever since Mr Seagal's first movie, "Nico: Above The Law," I have been an avid and faithful fan of his work. His movies, his martial arts and anything else he attaches himself too. I have just about all of his films up to and including Belly of the Beast in my dvd collection. I have always loved the soft-spoken big guy who kicks the shit out of anyone that either gets in his way or is simply the BAD guy. Over the years, with each new film he made, I was eager to see it. Now I won't claim that he's a 5 star actor, far from it. And to many, his films, particularly his pre - "Exit Wounds" efforts are all quite entertaining. Except "The Patriot." But still even so, All of his films over the last few years SUCK! With [thx to cronos], the exception of "Pistol Whipped." I just got this on dvd, dude. I liked it.

But sadly, Mr Seagal's movies have all but deteriorated into nothing more than a slimy mess of quasi-martial arts mayhem with little to no imagination put into the story and actors. The guy's a mess. Ok, he's put on a lot of weight. That don't bother me. He's had stunt doubles step in till the cows come home. That does bother me... too much. But I can deal with it as long as he does all his own shit closeup. What I can't stand is when his voice is dubbed and during fight scenes you can only see his arms or one leg. Sorry, Mr Seagal, but you've fallen far from grace. This guy pumps out straight to dvd shit every few months. Is he trying to set some type of world record? Quality, Mr Seagal, not quantity. Another thing with his films are the stories. There was always a moral, a centre theme to most of his earlier work. But during the past few years, it's been PUMP THAT SHIT OUT attitude. And his resume of films [if you can call them that] is testament to the fact that this bloke either needs to slow the fuck down and make more decent flicks, or just go work as a wok-boy in a diner.

Even my dad used to love Mr Seagal's movies. I miss the old Steven Seagal. The one who had half-way decent films. Did his own work, even wrote alot of the material. He even tried his hand at directing. Rest assured, not everyone is a Steven Seagal fan. But for those of you that are, can you honestly say that this man's work has improved with time? I dare say NO. Lastly, my video shop always buys his films. And with each and every new addtion, I roll my eyes and say to the manager - "Oh great. Another one... Why does he bother?" Once again, this topic really pains me. Because as I said earlier, I used to love this man's work. Thanks God I can still go back and watch the REAL Seagal flicks. And not this later trash.


http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200708/r169359_633785.jpg

[The Postmaster General]

Oh man, Segal movies from the late 80s/bring of the 90s were freaking great. Hell, I'll even throw in Under Siege. Then I saw that later one with DMX - Exit Wounds? That was a fun flick.

His movies, to me, just lack what they had in the start - that "this can't really be happening" sensibility. It's hard to explain. It's just something you have to feel.

[EVILxxx]

I will always love Marked For Death, but yes he has been a fat sack of shit for most of his career. He and Van damn should have a fight to the death. Then the winner should be killed immediately after.

[Digifruitella]

Seagal. I grew up on his movies. Now I see his newer films and they're like parodies of his earlier baadassery.

wtf is this???
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Arts/Arts_/Pictures/2007/03/22/stevenseagal460.jpg

:D

[God of War]

Guitar Siege 3? :)

[electriclite]

Steven Seagal Is A Useless Fat Shit Who Can't Act & Most of His Movies Suck ASS!


Thank You...
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/1/15/CaptainobviousChooseOption.jpg


;)

[God of War]

Thank You...
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/1/15/CaptainobviousChooseOption.jpg

;)

http://www.foodservicerumors.com/FS%20Documents/Shut%20the%20fuck%20up.bmp

:)

[jackson13]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2222/1904724114_831f26a316.jpg?v=0


I, for one, will always dislike Seagal based simply on this garbage in a can. I bought this thinking, "Its either gonna kick ass like Seagal or make it so that I kick ass like Seagal." I couldnt get more than 3 sips into the can before I felt like puking. It tasted nothing like cherry, was way too carbonated (fizzy) and left an aftertaste like I had been gnawing on tree roots and bark. I poured the rest of it down the toilet and cursed myself for wasting money.

That sonofabitch!

[Tweek]

The fuck?

That's an ACTUAL product? :confused::D

[jaw2929]

I never liked the cunt, not even in the 80's/90's. I'm not surprised he's churning out steaming pieces of shit direct to video. I would expect nothing more from him, honestly. He's like Chuck Norris, just a coupla personality-less twats.

Van Damme was a bad-ass motherfucker though, when I was growing up. (Though I've heard he's a prick in person) - And he's not doing much better career-wise. :p

[Cronos]

I actually enjoyed some of his recent films, they were stupid but entertaining. None of his films come close to the Under Siege's though, I love those.

[bigred760]

The only movie I really enjoy with him in it is Under Siege, but that's mostly because of Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey. Seagal is good in it, but the other two steal the show. Seagal's other movies are basic remakes of each other; enjoyable to an extent, but mostly pointless.

[Digifruitella]

I actually enjoyed some of his recent films, they were stupid but entertaining. None of his films come close to the Under Siege's though, I love those.

Did you laugh at the bit where he fuckin' slides like 10 feet in Belly of the Beast or whatever the film was called. Hey kids! Steven Seagal defies friction!

:D:D:D

[JohnLocke2342]

hahaha Seagal.. hes so laughable. None of his films were good movies.. they were entertaining, but I can't say I'd ever imagine him as an actor.

[athf1980]

his early movies were great dumb action flicks but now it's not even funny.

[RustyRazor]

UNDER SIEGE TWO: DARK TERRITORY

SCENARIO: (POSSIBLE SPOILER***)

Two trains are on the same track and they're about to crash.
Steven Seagal aka The Kung Fu Weeble is on one of the trains and with the same eagle eyes he uses to spot the Kraft services table, he sees the rope ladder from the bad guy's helicopter WHO JUST SO HAPPENS to be waiting above the scene of the accident.

With the trains only feet away from collision...THERE HE GOES!
Like someone was going for the last Hoagie, the Kung Fu Weeble wobbled his way through the train at his top speed.
THE TRAINS CRASH, THE CABINS EXPLODING BEHIND HIM, and HE'S NOT JARRED OR TOSSED AROUND! He's STILL RUNNING and with half a second left, he leaps out of the back of the train he's in, snagging the rope ladder and escaping certain death as the trains are destroyed.

I could imagine the jaws dropping as the storyboard of this one was written out.

"This defies the laws of physics and common sense. No one's going to believe it."
"It's Steven Seagal."
"...all right, let's do it. Hey! Who took my bear claw?!"

Young Seagal could do a movie.
Present day Seagal may be trying to earn a paycheck, but he's embarrassing himself with every new movie.

[SAI]

The brilliant bad movie recap site Agony Booth reviewed Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt. Funny stuff.

Article (http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/Steven_Seagal_s_Lightning_Bolt.aspx)

[rocknblues81]

Seagal made decent movies? When?

Atleast Van Damme (as bad as he might be) tries to show some emotion in his movies. Steven is one of the worst actors ever and has no personality.

[Raoul Duke]

His views on the AIDS virus are unconventional to say the least.

[project 86]

glimmer man was sweet

[Raimo69]

I can't stand him as much as i can stand Chuck Norris which is not a lot

[Juliet Bravo]

Isn't it just SEGAL with no A?

[Tony_Montana]

Once his dojo was saved by a magic dog.

[pg13myass]

I, too, have enjoyed his earlier foray in pure couch entertainment. But, after awhile, his schtick got tired. That smug, tough guy look he carries through every movie started to make me yawn. Once he also started trying to do other things like kicking, you can see how bad he is. Aikido can only take one so far. And then he starts popping around the public in his chinese jackets like he was asian. Then he started to go around thinking of himself as the next reincarnated Lama when it was most likely that he must've paid someone off to back him up on those claims.

He really has fallen far from the tree he spawned from...

[Kings-Rook1]

Under Seige was good. Got to love birthday cake Erika Eleniak, cross dressing Gary Busey and psyco Tommy Lee. The knife fight at the end is some nice work; some Kali and eskrima action which was a nice change for the fat ass. I haven't seen much past under seige 2 train wreck.

Once his dojo was saved by a magic dog.

That one I must see.

[Cronos]

Isn't it just SEGAL with no A?
Nah, there's 2 A's, according to IMDB he's used Segal as an alternate name though.

[the clever guy]

Nah, there's 2 A's, according to IMDB he's used Segal as an alternate name though.

he really went on a limb with that one....

[God of War]

BUMP_:D

I recently watched some new Seagal movies. They must've been good. I can't even remember their names. One thing though. I like watching that cop series he made. It's fun.

[ilovemovies]

I disapprove of this rant.

Under Siege, Under Siege 2, Hard to Kill, Half Past Dead, The Glimmer Man and Ticker all rock! :p

[The Postmaster General]

Thank You...
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/1/15/CaptainobviousChooseOption.jpg


;)


Wisdom is timeless.


Seagal movies are what they are. His best work was in the early 3 word title series: Out for Justice, Marked for Death, Hard to Kill, Above the Law. That's where the real Seagal is found. He tried to rebound with Above Deadly Ground, but he messed up the pattern and like so many artists trying to return to familiar territory, had found it Difficult to Do.

[SS-Block]

He's done great work in films and protecting animals. By all acounts, an all round good guy.

[John@$$]

My dad likes his movies but I can't say I have seen full movie with him in it.

[DaveyJoeG]

He's done great work in films and protecting animals. By all acounts, an all round good guy.

The accusations of sexual slavery sort of soured his image a bit.

[Badbird]

Come on, the dude's not exactly a spring chicken anymore. Even in his prime he was about 40.

I honestly haven't been able to bring myself to watch any of his STV output. A friend of mine watches them all and had nothing good to say - and we are both big Seagal fans. The only one I did see was Into the Sun, and that was based on its awesomely rad box art (http://www.steven-seagal.net/gallery/files/6/6/8/intothesunr1artworkpi.jpg). It was pretty horrible. The plot made no sense at all.

But in his prime... that was some good shit. Out for Justice is still one of my all time favorite movies.

[john_rambo]

Dolph Lundgren owns the dtv action market.

[The Postmaster General]

Come on, the dude's not exactly a spring chicken anymore. Even in his prime he was about 40.

I honestly haven't been able to bring myself to watch any of his STV output. A friend of mine watches them all and had nothing good to say - and we are both big Seagal fans. The only one I did see was Into the Sun, and that was based on its awesomely rad box art (http://www.steven-seagal.net/gallery/files/6/6/8/intothesunr1artworkpi.jpg). It was pretty horrible. The plot made no sense at all.

But in his prime... that was some good shit. Out for Justice is still one of my all time favorite movies.

Right, his 3 word combo series was ace for 80s action. He was a neat twist on a lot of the action stars of the time, since most of his fighting was defensive, followed by debilitating bone breaking. He hardly ever threw punches. It was inspiring for many people without the energy to go into rage a la Sly. So much could be dealt with by breaking legs. Waiter tries to stop you to pay the bill: why-yak! Thud! It's done. You gotcha salad for free!

[Psycho-Pirate-99]

The guy is a fucking joke

[The Postmaster General]

The guy is a fucking joke

At least a very elaborate one without a punchline.

[Cop No. 633]

I don't know guys. He taught two of the best fighters this move:

http://h4.abload.de/img/silva_belfort23og6.gif

http://img.mixedmartialarts.com/method=get&s=randy-couture-lyoto-machida-gif.gif

Both fighters credited that to him. So as shitty as his films are... he's actually an accomplished martial artist. For that, I respect him. Just a little.

[The Postmaster General]

Plus he can play guitar. I mean, at least look like it - you can't fake what he's doing in that picture!!!

Anyone read his philosophy book, or do you know if he has one or not?

[DaveyJoeG]

http://i449.photobucket.com/albums/qq213/DJTwizzler/Seagalmassacre.gif

[blknge89]

I can't diss on a man whos shoes I cannot wear even despite the obviousness of his issues. He has not maintained a leaner body, his newer movies are terrible, they don't even fall into the so bad they're good but really... who are you to say he's this and that, simply put, we don't know him... and if he were to come to your home I dare you to say the same things your saying now and feel the same emotions you had writing the rant. Don't judge him, simple.

As somebody who spent many, many years learning akido, he's certianly not a useless shit of a man.

Just let time take care of him but I suppose some just can't help but rant.

[magjournal]

I don't suppose any of you guys watch Film Brain on That Guy With the Glasses? He's doing Seagal Month and he's reviewing some of Seagal's recent direct-to-video movies.

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/fbv/bmbe/31532-bad-movie-beatdown-out-of-reach
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/fbv/bmbe/31617-mercenary-for-justice
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/fbv/bmbe/31695-shadow-man

Pretty funny reviews.

[Fenrir]

OP, I can hear what you're saying. I was myself a huge fan of Seagal in the early nineties. I grew up on his films, as much as on Van Damme's, Sly's and Arnold's. I was already into martial arts at the time I saw Nico (Above the Law), but he inspired me to become a better fighter and I even started Aikido as well. I would copy some of his moves during the training sessions, which were VERY effective.

I still believe that despite the weight, he is a true master of his art. People mock him but few would dare do it in his face. Like the previous poster who called him a cunt.

Recently, he taught this kick (see post above) to two MMA fighters. I believe one of them used it to knock out cold Randy Couture. He may not be as fast as he used to be, or as impressive, but his knowledge as a 7th degree black belt in Aikido must be huge. The guy has been breathing martial arts for the last 45 years. He deserves respect for this. Plus he's done a lot for the animal cause.

But for the movies, yeah... it's truly terrible what he's become. He clearly does not care about his fans, or his career at this point. It basically pays his bills, and he couldn't care less about everything else. I still catch some of his DTV stuff nowadays, but I never pay a cent for it. The last good surprise came with Urban Justice in 2007. It was a low-budget return to the good old times of Nico, Marked For Death and Out for Justice. But I do not believe one second he'll make one more good film. It's sad. But as an ex-fan, you can only accept this and move on.