Worst shit you've heard at work

[SpoonMan999]

Doesn't have to be something from work but let's all complain aabout the dumbest shit you've been asked or overheard someone say. Really want to hear the stuff from dumbass customers.

I used to work at a Dell kiosk in my local mall and heard all sorts of stupid shit, including:

"Do you have the new Sony Vaio?" I literally laughed in this person's face.
"I have a computer and it wont play Crysis! It's only 6 years old!" Again, laughed.
"I bought this camera from Best Buy, can you help me out?"

One thing I recall that was hilarious was when my brother was working at the store with me and this customer came in pissed. He had apparantly been quoted a price like two months before and was angry that he couldn't get the same price. He demanded that we honor the price from two months before and we refused. After he ranted for a bit about how much bull shit the situation was my brother suggested, "Well, I'm sure you can find a nice Mac at Best Buy sir." The man stormed out and give him the finger as he walked out the door, so my brother runs out the door and yells, "Would you like to say something to me?" And I've never seen somebody pick up the pace and bolt to the parking garage that quickly.

[Edit] I just realized the description for this forum said "Bitch about all things HOLLYWOOD" my bad. Thought it was more of a general discussion and got inspired by Jackson's post about ratings. Can delete this if you want.

[Homyrrh]

Doesn't have to be something from work but let's all complain aabout the dumbest shit you've been asked or overheard someone say. Really want to hear the stuff from dumbass customers.

I used to work at a Dell kiosk in my local mall and heard all sorts of stupid shit, including:

"Do you have the new Sony Vaio?" I literally laughed in this person's face.
"I have a computer and it wont play Crysis! It's only 6 years old!" Again, laughed.
"I bought this camera from Best Buy, can you help me out?"

One thing I recall that was hilarious was when my brother was working at the store with me and this customer came in pissed. He had apparantly been quoted a price like two months before and was angry that he couldn't get the same price. He demanded that we honor the price from two months before and we refused. After he ranted for a bit about how much bull shit the situation was my brother suggested, "Well, I'm sure you can find a nice Mac at Best Buy sir." The man stormed out and give him the finger as he walked out the door, so my brother runs out the door and yells, "Would you like to say something to me?" And I've never seen somebody pick up the pace and bolt to the parking garage that quickly.

[Edit] I just realized the description for this forum said "Bitch about all things HOLLYWOOD" my bad. Thought it was more of a general discussion and got inspired by Jackson's post about ratings. Can delete this if you want.
Though this was jsut for "all things Hollywood". Regardless, those first three were pretty funny, and the second one about Crysis was ridiculous.

At work, regarding movies at least, my friend said I was an idiot for recommending (NO F'ING LIE) 'Taxi Driver', 'Raging Bull' and, less despicably, 'V for Vendetta'.

[SpoonMan999]

Because you should never tell people where the good movies are. Always tell 'em about the terrible movies.

[DarthWade]

I've heard lies, outright lies, dumb shit, stupider shit, outrageous shit, etc....so I don't know where I could even begin.

I do know one of the oddest I ever heard was a co-worker who came up to me one morning and said, "Hey. Last night I took it up the ass". She then proceeded to tell me all about it.

[Homyrrh]

I've heard lies, outright lies, dumb shit, stupider shit, outrageous shit, etc....so I don't know where I could even begin.

I do know one of the oddest I ever heard was a co-worker who came up to me one morning and said, "Hey. Last night I took it up the ass". She then proceeded to tell me all about it.
That would be when you tell her to put her money where her mouth is.

[Dead Halloween]

A conversation I overheard at my work.

Woman 1: "Have you seen I am Sam?"
Woman 2: "No, I haven't, It is good?".
Woman 1: "It's great! If you love your children, you'll love the movie".

[vesaker]

I do know one of the oddest I ever heard was a co-worker who came up to me one morning and said, "Hey. Last night I took it up the ass". She then proceeded to tell me all about it.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

that makes me think of those Reading impared commercials where the tag line is something like 'your secret (not being able to read) isn't as big as you might think' and it would be a scene like these 2 mechanics and one hands something to the other to read but before he can say that he can't the other mechanic starts talking about how he's gonig in for a sexy change!

[SpoonMan999]

That would be when you tell her to put her money where her mouth is.

But you never go ass to mouth.

[Homyrrh]

But you never go ass to mouth.
YOU never go ass to mouth...

:rolleyes:

And I don't either. Moving on...

[jackson13]

I had an argument the other day with a high school freshman over the fact that there is no 3rd Mortal Kombat movie. I kept telling him 'there is a videogame called MK3 but no movie' and he swore up and down that there was one, while standing in front of the M's and the ONLY 2 stared him in the face. I finally said 'well what is the name of it?" and he said "I have no idea" and I said "thats because it doesnt exist."

Seriously, ask for help from someone who knows what they are talking about, then basically accuse them of lying to you, and then reveal you dont know what the hell you are talking about in the first place? Damn kids today...

[SpoonMan999]

I had a guy try to tell me once that HP owned Alienware not Dell. I kept point at my Dell name tag and the links to Alienware on the Dell site and he still continued to argue.

Had another try to tell me that Mac's have faster hardware than PC's...once again I laughed in someone's face.

[DarthWade]

That would be when you tell her to put her money where her mouth is.

She wouldn't get it. Believe me, it'd go above her head......


:rolleyes:

[Homyrrh]

She wouldn't get it. Believe me, it'd go above her head......


:rolleyes:
...as could you ;)

[DarthWade]

...as could you ;)

You sir have a delightfully dirty mind. Awesome! :)

[Cop No. 633]

Worse shit you've ever heard at work

Get that thing out of my face.

[the clever guy]

working at best buy, circuit shitty (at different periods in time)...you gotta love this classic line: "where's the electronics department?"

here's some more (i swear to you these are true things i've heard said to me at work):

"someone shit all over the floor in the women's restroom. i'm never shopping here again!"

"what do you mean i can't exchange this movie because it sucked?"

"i want to return my south park season because they're edited." (being the point of the fucking show!)...obviously, we didn't do it and never saw the customer again!

i can go on. but i won't

[arto_j]

I had an argument the other day with a high school freshman over the fact that there is no 3rd Mortal Kombat movie. I kept telling him 'there is a videogame called MK3 but no movie' and he swore up and down that there was one, while standing in front of the M's and the ONLY 2 stared him in the face. I finally said 'well what is the name of it?" and he said "I have no idea" and I said "thats because it doesnt exist."



There is actually a dvd of a third Mortal Kombat movie they've released. I believe it's actually just the tv series from the 90's re-edited into a movie form. So it's not really another movie, but it's been sold as such. Might explain the confusion.

[cl0n3b4by]

This isn't retail but a interesting story non the less:

So I found this seasonal job where I get paid 12 an hour (Canadian) and make my own hours. I work for the elections of our province go door to door and take down information.

Now most people are nice. However

So me and my partner (Need to go in 2 in case something happened, which did.)

So we had this stretch of road on the outskirts of a town next to us.

Its farm life so you can imagine, old families and worn down places. So we wind up on this road called Balsam and we turn into this one driveway. Things are peachy. We turn into the driveway and look for an owner. We saw none, left a notice that we where. Then out of nowhere this guy comes tearing up.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!?!

My Partner: We are from Elections-

I DON'T WANT ANY FUCKING ELECTIONS

this was getting heated fast but before it we could get in the car this massive German Shepard comes roaring out from behind the house hellbent on attacking. It lunges at me first and my fight or flight instinct kicks in. We have this shoddy half an inch plastic clip board. I hit the dog as hard as I can with it and jump into our car. The dog just whips over to my partner and takes a bite on to his hand. My partner shakes this dog off and bolts into the car. Owner comes right to the driver window

What the fuck where you thinking!

Get the fuck of my property! You stupid son of a bitch
(again.) DO YOU WANT TO DIE.

Now at this point the guy still didn't call of the dog. So its just barking and jumping at the windows, we reverse out but o no we couldn't just barrel out.
This asshole has his dog circle the car like a vulture with a carcass in the desert. He just watches the dog circle the car slowly with this evil sadistic grin and then finally he calls the dog back.

That is the worst experience I guess

Although fucking awesome job.

[TheJadedGamer]

Customer quotes from Blockbuster that I heard in the last week:

"Cloverfield was just too fake. I mean, that could never happen!"
"There Will Be Blood made no sense."
"Oh, I loved Epic Movie!"
"Good Luck Chuck was soooooooo funny!!"
"Do you have Emmanuelle In Space?"
"National Treasure destroys the Indiana Jones series."
"One Missed Call (2008) scared me to death!"
"A Clockwork Orang is a piece of shit."
"The Hottie And The Nottie? Sounds hilarious!"
"Over Her Dead Body? Sounds hilarious!"
"I'm Not There had nothing to do with Bob Dylan and was retarded."
"How She Move!"

Those are the ones that really stood out at work. There were probably a lot more, but I tune out most of the time I'm there.

[the clever guy]

"Do you have Emmanuelle In Space?"


well, do you?

[Badbird]

The people at my work are so movie illiterate that I don't even bother to correct them most of the time, or even chime in on any vaguely movie topic.

Case in point, the other day a couple women where talking about Sam Elliot and how he was still sexy. When someone said "Who?" another girl said "He was in the Blade movies..."

[Sigur509]

"Meet the Browns should win best picture."

Working at Best Buy I hear stupid shit about movies all day long. I have no problem telling them a movie gargles my balls.

[SpoonMan999]

The people at my work are so movie illiterate that I don't even bother to correct them most of the time, or even chime in on any vaguely movie topic.

Case in point, the other day a couple women where talking about Sam Elliot and how he was still sexy. When someone said "Who?" another girl said "He was in the Blade movies..."

What?! How do you confuse Chris Kristoferson (I probably just butchered the spelling) with Sam Elliot?

I walked into a Blockbuster and they were playing Labyrinth and some teenagers were staring when I heard one ask, "What movie is that?" to which another replied, "I think it's Star Wars." I walked up to them and replied, "That's Labyrinth you uncultured swine."

[Tweek]

Case in point, the other day a couple women where talking about Sam Elliot and how he was still sexy. When someone said "Who?" another girl said "He was in the Blade movies..."

Strictly for comparison, I looked up pictures of Kris Kristofferson and Sam Elliot...

My first guffaw of the evening. :D

[TeeRay]

Experiences working at a movie theater:

Teenage girl walking out of Supercross: "That was, like, the best movie ever!"

Conversation with an elderly gentleman after he saw Cloverfield:
Old guy: "Did you see Cloverfield?"
Me: "No, but I heard it was good."
Old guy: "I just saw it, and it's a piece of garbage. You guys should be ashamed that your playing it. I want to slash you."
Me: "I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it, sir."

In hindsight, I should have told him to hit a tree on his way home, but when your given a death threat because the guy didn't like the movie, your kind of left speechless.

At the concession stand:
"How big is your small?"
and
"Wow, that's expensive."

Ok, that last one isn't so shocking, but when you work at a movie theater, you get sick of hearing complaints about the prices after the umpteenth million time. Movies are expensive. Shit happens.

Another shitty line, this time after your handed a hundred dollar bill and your checking to see if it's legit:
"It's good, I just made it this morning."

Well, aren't you the witty one!

I've also been asked what Snakes On a Plane is about. Yeah.

[Tweek]

"How big is your small?"


:D Jeez.

Re: Snakes on a Plane... Maybe someone thought it was part of a metaphor. "Being in love is like having snakes on a plane."

[jackson13]

I would quote the things I hear at work but on second thought just thinking about all of them makes me weep for humanity.

However, last night, some kid came in and asked for a good action movie. Looking at our new rack, Die Hard 4 was pretty much the only action movie that was in, and I enjoyed the hell out of it, so I handed it to him and he heewawed around over it then grabbed Dolph Lundgrens 'Missionary Man' over it with excitement that would rival that of a small child being handed a sucker.

Ask for a good action movie, I suggest a big summer blockbuster that was actually really damn good, and you then grab a straight-to-DVD Dolph Lundgren video? Why even bother asking man?

[Homyrrh]

I would quote the things I hear at work but on second thought just thinking about all of them makes me weep for humanity.

However, last night, some kid came in and asked for a good action movie. Looking at our new rack, Die Hard 4 was pretty much the only action movie that was in, and I enjoyed the hell out of it, so I handed it to him and he heewawed around over it then grabbed Dolph Lundgrens 'Missionary Man' over it with excitement that would rival that of a small child being handed a sucker.

Ask for a good action movie, I suggest a big summer blockbuster that was actually really damn good, and you then grab a straight-to-DVD Dolph Lundgren video? Why even bother asking man?
Haha, I'm chuckling at that, just like I was chuckling at 'Missionary Man' in Blockbuster last week. Ah, Jesus must be coming soon...;)

[SpoonMan999]

I'll try to make this my last Dell story and keep this thread more movie related.

A guy once walked up and asked, "Do you carry any HP monitors?" I looked him, looked down at the word "Dell" stitched into my shirt and then up at the huge "Dell" sign on the store, which also appears on ALL of the products. After a moment a silence he looked like he was getting impatient so I looked at him confused and said, "You're screwing with me right?" And he stormed off swearing. How stupid are people? Not only was Dell written everywhere but we're a kiosk in the middle of a mall...does it look like I have room to actually store more than my displays?

[DarthWade]

Customer quotes from Blockbuster that I heard in the last week:

"Cloverfield was just too fake. I mean, that could never happen!"
"There Will Be Blood made no sense."
"Oh, I loved Epic Movie!"
"Good Luck Chuck was soooooooo funny!!"
"Do you have Emmanuelle In Space?"
"National Treasure destroys the Indiana Jones series."
"One Missed Call (2008) scared me to death!"
"A Clockwork Orang is a piece of shit."
"The Hottie And The Nottie? Sounds hilarious!"
"Over Her Dead Body? Sounds hilarious!"
"I'm Not There had nothing to do with Bob Dylan and was retarded."
"How She Move!"

Those are the ones that really stood out at work. There were probably a lot more, but I tune out most of the time I'm there.

This post terrifies me. God help us.

[poopontheshoes7]

Customer quotes from Blockbuster that I heard in the last week:

"Cloverfield was just too fake. I mean, that could never happen!"
"There Will Be Blood made no sense."
"Oh, I loved Epic Movie!"
"Good Luck Chuck was soooooooo funny!!"
"Do you have Emmanuelle In Space?"
"National Treasure destroys the Indiana Jones series."
"One Missed Call (2008) scared me to death!"
"A Clockwork Orang is a piece of shit."
"The Hottie And The Nottie? Sounds hilarious!"
"Over Her Dead Body? Sounds hilarious!"
"I'm Not There had nothing to do with Bob Dylan and was retarded."
"How She Move!"

Those are the ones that really stood out at work. There were probably a lot more, but I tune out most of the time I'm there.



Good Christ what the fuck is this world coming too?

[Badbird]

At the concession stand:
"How big is your small?"
and
"Wow, that's expensive."

My favorite thing is when someone buys a large popcorn - "extra butter" - then gets a Diet Coke to go with it.

The concept of a Large Diet Coke makes no sense to me anyway. If you really want to lose weight, maybe go with a small?

[NathanRomano]

On Tuesday I got into a debate with this kid, who thought for sure! That Indy came out Friday. (Same kid that thought Jim Carrey was in Dumb and Dumberer and Spelled Douche like Dush.) So today,I rubbed the stub in his face

[Asa_Phelps]

Wow. That reminds me of some random guy I over-heard on the bus talking about how he didn't like The Number 23 because Jim Carrey was in it and he didn't know that. I guess after he missed all the trailers and advertisments, the poster which was pretty much just Carrey's face didn't give it away either. I suppose it can happen but still.


But by far my favoirte exchanged of the week was this:

me: "there's a lot people pissed off about all the religouse themes in Prince Caspien but I just didn't see it. Guess it's more obviouse in the books."

jackhole "It's based on books?"

me: calm blue ocean calm blue ocean calm blue ocean "yeah, books"

[jdparker]

Customer quotes from Blockbuster that I heard in the last week:

"Cloverfield was just too fake. I mean, that could never happen!"
"There Will Be Blood made no sense."
"Oh, I loved Epic Movie!"
"Good Luck Chuck was soooooooo funny!!"
"Do you have Emmanuelle In Space?"
"National Treasure destroys the Indiana Jones series."
"One Missed Call (2008) scared me to death!"
"A Clockwork Orang is a piece of shit."
"The Hottie And The Nottie? Sounds hilarious!"
"Over Her Dead Body? Sounds hilarious!"
"I'm Not There had nothing to do with Bob Dylan and was retarded."
"How She Move!"

Those are the ones that really stood out at work. There were probably a lot more, but I tune out most of the time I'm there.

You poor bastard.

[mutesaint]

My favorite thing is when someone buys a large popcorn - "extra butter" - then gets a Diet Coke to go with it.

The concept of a Large Diet Coke makes no sense to me anyway. If you really want to lose weight, maybe go with a small?

In their defense I happen to like the taste of Diet Coke better. It happened while I was in college. NEarest vending machine only had diet coke and I grew to lve it. Now I never drink regular coke at all.

[Digifruitella]

It pains me to repeat myself but....

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003.

I'm sure some of you have some stories about that...

*shudders*

[CriticalBill6966]

Between 2 random ass people!!!
"Dude, have you seen The Game?"
"No"
"Its awsome, at the end its all _____"

The douche explains the end and therefore I have no reason to see it.


When I'm in my "moods" I can be a dickhead without even knowing it. But this smoking hot chick came up to the counter at the Hotel I was working at, and just like policy I ask for an ID.

And you know when women, who know their hot, play down their looks and trash on themselves just to get a nice reply? Well she hands me her ID and she says, "Sorry, for the picture I look like garbage.", and without missing a beat and very carefree I reply, "Its, okay.".

[NathanRomano]

HAHHAHAHAH! That'll teach her to fish for compliments

[DarthWade]

My favorite thing is when someone buys a large popcorn - "extra butter" - then gets a Diet Coke to go with it.

The concept of a Large Diet Coke makes no sense to me anyway. If you really want to lose weight, maybe go with a small?

You would love my family. My mom and aunt will order all kinds of food, snacks, etc...in restaurants and movies....and get diet drinks. Not for "the taste of it", but for health reasons. Their meal is healthier (no matter what they eat) because of that magical diet soda. :confused::confused::confused:

[SpoonMan999]

America, land of the extra large Diet Coke.

'Nuff said

[electriclite]

Diet soda contains Aspartame, which has actually caused people with a lesser tolerance to black out.

Wonder what it does to those that take longer to succumb?

[Homyrrh]

Let us not overlook the inverse. Washing down your Wendy's salad (unhealthy in the first place...) with an Xtra Biggie Sized Mountain Dew.

OF course this all proceeded with: "Think I'm gonna go a little healthier and get the salad. That comes with bacon sprinkles, right? And how about a couple extra packets of ranch dressing..."

[Mikey2Dope]

Movie related: Let me just say that I have to have weekly arguments with people here who are like "NO NO NO Broken Lizard IS making Potfest! You obviously didn't pay attention to the end of the movie!!!" I've given up on them.

I have worked a lot of tech support over the last 3.5 years so here are some of the best (or worst).

Me: Ok so what Windows are you running on the computer?
Him: My monitor has a glass window.

Me: So what I need you to do now is empty out your recycle bin.
Her: That's in my email address right?

Customer: What the fuck do you mean I have to download the program on to my computer? Why the fuck didn't you guys just do it for me when I bought the god damn thing?

Me: Which web browser do you use?
Him: Mozilla Firecat

*After 45 mins of trying to figure out why this dude couldn't get registered with eBay*

Him: Oh shit you mean I have to be on the site?
Me: Uhhhh yeah what site are you on?
Him: dbzgames.com
Me: You ARE kidding me right?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Just go to ebay.com please.

Customer: I would like to report a bidder who should not have bid on my auction.
Me: Ok well what did this bidder do?
Customer: Well he's from Canada and my auction clearly stated that I only ship to North America.
Me: Well actually Canada IS in North America.
Customer: Oh......well that's kind of misleading.

Customer: How do I get to eBay Live Chat?
Me: Uhm you're in Live Chat right now.
Customer: How can you be sure?
Me: Probably because I work for eBay Live Chat and we are exchanging words non verbally?

Customer: Hi yeah I need to return the DVD's I bought from Amazon.
Me: Okkkkk......well you will need to contact Amazon to do that.
Customer: What do you mean?
Me: This is eBay. Since it was purchased from Amazon you will need to speak with their customer service.
Customer: You're kidding me.
Me: No I am not.
Customer: This is bullshit. If I purchase something off the Internet I should be able to return it to the Internet!
Me: Bloody interwebz eh?
*customer disconnects*

[jackson13]

Ones that really get me are the people who come into a where I work (a fucking library) and are apparently illiterate.
Sad face = customer, coolguy face = me.


:( "Do you guys have 'Wrong Turn 2'?
:cool: "Yes we do."
:( "Where is it."
:cool: "Well, if its in, it would be in the 'W's."

(note, our DVD section is shaped like a giant U with the A's beginning on the left and going around until they end at the Z's on the other side. With big signs saying 'START HERE - A'S' and 'END HERE - Z'S' bookending the sections.)

:( "Where are the 'W's?"
:cool: *pointing directly to the W section* "Right there."
:( *after looking for literally .2 seconds* "I cant find it!"
:cool: *walks over and grabs it off the shelf without even really having to look*
:( "Oh, there it is! You guys should make these easier to find."


Yeah, because there are easier systems than shelving things alphabetically. Why dont we just shelve things going by the first initial of the assistant director?

Asshats.

[sirdizzy]

Ones that really get me are the people who come into a where I work (a fucking library) and are apparently illiterate.
Sad face = customer, coolguy face = me.


:( "Do you guys have 'Wrong Turn 2'?
:cool: "Yes we do."
:( "Where is it."
:cool: "Well, if its in, it would be in the 'W's."

(note, our DVD section is shaped like a giant U with the A's beginning on the left and going around until they end at the Z's on the other side. With big signs saying 'START HERE - A'S' and 'END HERE - Z'S' bookending the sections.)

:( "Where are the 'W's?"
:cool: *pointing directly to the W section* "Right there."
:( *after looking for literally .2 seconds* "I cant find it!"
:cool: *walks over and grabs it off the shelf without even really having to look*
:( "Oh, there it is! You guys should make these easier to find."


Yeah, because there are easier systems than shelving things alphabetically. Why dont we just shelve things going by the first initial of the assistant director?

Asshats.

Ohh that would be a cool filing system you should try it, if that doesn't work do it by screenwriter that would be fucking awesome. I would rent dvds at your library every day forgot those stupid books things libraries used to carry.

[Double-Oh-Zero]

Customer quotes from Blockbuster that I heard in the last week:

"Cloverfield was just too fake. I mean, that could never happen!"
"There Will Be Blood made no sense."
"Oh, I loved Epic Movie!"
"Good Luck Chuck was soooooooo funny!!"
"Do you have Emmanuelle In Space?"
"National Treasure destroys the Indiana Jones series."
"One Missed Call (2008) scared me to death!"
"A Clockwork Orang is a piece of shit."
"The Hottie And The Nottie? Sounds hilarious!"
"Over Her Dead Body? Sounds hilarious!"
"I'm Not There had nothing to do with Bob Dylan and was retarded."
"How She Move!"

Those are the ones that really stood out at work. There were probably a lot more, but I tune out most of the time I'm there.
I hear ya. Actual quotes from the video store I worked at:

"What do you mean, a 25 cent late charge? That's ridiculous. I'm not paying that."

Customer: "Do you have this in fullscreen?"
Me: "No. It only came in widescreen."
Customer: "Ugh. Why do companies do that?"
Me: "To preserve the director's artistic vision, I'd imagine."
Customer: "Oh, fuck that. Those black bars are annoying. And I don't have a widescreen T.V."

Customer: "Do you have 'The Da Vinci Code'?"
Me: "That doesn't come to theatres for another three months."
Customer: "So...no?"

And two of my favourite phone conversations...

Customer: "Yeah, hi. I rented Collateral from you guys, but when I put the disc in, the menu says "Special Features' and 'Languages.'"
Me: "Put the first disc in."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Me: "You have the second disc playing, which is the special features disc."
Customer: "There's two discs?"
Me: "There should be. Is it missing from your copy?"
Customer: "Two dis---oh, so there is. Alright, thanks."

and

Customer: "Yes, hello. I rented March of the Penguins and it isn't registering with the DVD player."
Me: "Okay, take it out. Is it scratched?"
Customer: "Umm, no. It looks fine to me."
Me: "Your DVD player is on and your TV is tuned to the right input?"
Customer: "Oh, yes. It just keeps saying 'no disc.'"
Me: "Uh, okay. Is the disc two-sided? Or is there some sort of picture on one side?"
Customer: "Yes, and I put the picture side facing down, like you're supposed to."
Me: "Well, there it is. Flip it over, ma'am."
Customer: "Really? Oh, okay. Thanks."

...fuckin' people.

[LordSimen]

Ones that really get me are the people who come into a where I work (a fucking library) and are apparently illiterate.
Sad face = customer, coolguy face = me.


:( "Do you guys have 'Wrong Turn 2'?
:cool: "Yes we do."
:( "Where is it."
:cool: "Well, if its in, it would be in the 'W's."

(note, our DVD section is shaped like a giant U with the A's beginning on the left and going around until they end at the Z's on the other side. With big signs saying 'START HERE - A'S' and 'END HERE - Z'S' bookending the sections.)

:( "Where are the 'W's?"
:cool: *pointing directly to the W section* "Right there."
:( *after looking for literally .2 seconds* "I cant find it!"
:cool: *walks over and grabs it off the shelf without even really having to look*
:( "Oh, there it is! You guys should make these easier to find."


Yeah, because there are easier systems than shelving things alphabetically. Why dont we just shelve things going by the first initial of the assistant director?

Asshats.


Hahahaha. The only time I ever really had trouble finding a movie in a store was a case where the store had two seperate Horror and Cult sections, and I didn't know they had a cult section, and I kept looking for Re-Animator in the Horror Section, it was quite an adventure.

[SpoonMan999]

I have to ask a every now and then cause some times I walk right by it and never notice >.> I have horrible eye sight and hate wearing my glasses.

[sirdizzy]

I have to ask a every now and then cause some times I walk right by it and never notice >.> I have horrible eye sight and hate wearing my glasses.

and let me guess you drive to the video store. remind me to never live in a town where you have a drivers license.

[Raimo69]

I was waiting for a train and some random girl was talking to her friends about never back down.

Girl: Did you see never back down it is this decade's fight club.

Me:Got up called a friend to pick me up.

People really need to get smarter or watch better movies

[Lady Stardust]

Customer quotes from Blockbuster that I heard in the last week:

"Cloverfield was just too fake. I mean, that could never happen!"
"There Will Be Blood made no sense."
"Oh, I loved Epic Movie!"
"Good Luck Chuck was soooooooo funny!!"
"Do you have Emmanuelle In Space?"
"National Treasure destroys the Indiana Jones series."
"One Missed Call (2008) scared me to death!"
"A Clockwork Orange is a piece of shit."
"The Hottie And The Nottie? Sounds hilarious!"
"Over Her Dead Body? Sounds hilarious!"
"I'm Not There had nothing to do with Bob Dylan and was retarded."
"How She Move!"

Those are the ones that really stood out at work. There were probably a lot more, but I tune out most of the time I'm there.

How did you resist the urge to punch those morons?

[plantpage55]

When I was ranting about Indiana Jones IV:
"You're way too critical..."

Okay, if I came up with a bunch of legitimate reasons as to why I didn't like Indy 4 and am called "too critical" - then I apologize for not liking the shit out of every movie I see.

If you enjoyed it, fine. But, I'm not going to lower my standards for a movie. Too critical? So, you admit the movie had a bunch of faults, but it's still a 10/10 because you aren't that critical? WTF?

Of course, these are the same people that love and get excited for every shit pg-13 horror movie that comes out every other week. Gah, get a better attention span. Think critically. Watch. BETTER. Movies.

[a7xfan]

I'll try to make this my last Dell story and keep this thread more movie related.

A guy once walked up and asked, "Do you carry any HP monitors?" I looked him, looked down at the word "Dell" stitched into my shirt and then up at the huge "Dell" sign on the store, which also appears on ALL of the products. After a moment a silence he looked like he was getting impatient so I looked at him confused and said, "You're screwing with me right?" And he stormed off swearing. How stupid are people? Not only was Dell written everywhere but we're a kiosk in the middle of a mall...does it look like I have room to actually store more than my displays?


you my friend........sound like a huge jerk.

is it possible that this guy may not know much about computers, or that he was possible buying things off a list. there are alot of poeple that dont know the different between dell and microsoft, let alone every manufacturer.

you should have a bit more respect, instead of just being a smartass.

i mean, how hard is it to say, 'im sorry sir we only sell dell product at this stall, you could possible try __________'

[SpoonMan999]

you my friend........sound like a huge jerk.

is it possible that this guy may not know much about computers, or that he was possible buying things off a list. there are alot of poeple that dont know the different between dell and microsoft, let alone every manufacturer.

you should have a bit more respect, instead of just being a smartass.

i mean, how hard is it to say, 'im sorry sir we only sell dell product at this stall, you could possible try __________'

And you, sound like you're trying to impress people with your maturity. If you own a TV or a computer with an internet connection and you don't know that Dell and HP are two diferent companies you need to go back to school or something. Besides, he was a fairly young guy if he had been older I would have been much kinder as I realise they often get confused with technology.

[a7xfan]

im trying to impress people with my maturity? did i actually just read that?

im not trying to impress anyone, im just a nice guy :p

it doesnt matter how old someone is, not everyone is technically minded.

[JohnLocke2342]

being technical minded has nothing to do with being too blind to see two different companies. It would be like if I put a dollar in a coke machine and asked for a pepsi.

[SpoonMan999]

being technical minded has nothing to do with being too blind to see two different companies. It would be like if I put a dollar in a coke machine and asked for a pepsi.

Thank you. Now let's move from life suggestions back to the topic...if that's cool with you...

im trying to impress people with my maturity? did i actually just read that?

im not trying to impress anyone, im just a nice guy

it doesnt matter how old someone is, not everyone is technically minded.

[john_rambo]

I work at a Meat Department, I have heard some good ones

Me: What can I get for you?

Customer: Give me some ground beef.

Me: Chuck, lean, or siloin?

Customer: I don't know I just want some ground beef.

Me: We have three kinds, chuck, lean, and sirloin.

Customer: I DON'T WANT SIRLOIN!

Me: Is chuck fine?

Customer: (rolls eyes) Yeah, I guess.

Some customers I get need to get locked up... would you go to McDonalds and ask for a burger, then get mad when they ask what kind?

[Homyrrh]

Eh, computer bands should be fairly recognizable, but...

EVEN if the guy asked for the aforementioned Pepsi from a Coke machine, you, primarily as a human being but also as a retail clerk, should have feigned understanding and kindly directed him correctly.

Otherwise...my boss has some infatuation with honestly asking me how to spell common three- and four-letter words. The only part that irks me is that he has an architecture and marketing degree from UMass and pays my salary...

[APzombie]

My favorite thing is when someone buys a large popcorn - "extra butter" - then gets a Diet Coke to go with it.

The concept of a Large Diet Coke makes no sense to me anyway. If you really want to lose weight, maybe go with a small?

Reminds me of that great quote in True Romance.

"Whats the biggest baddest hamburger you got?"

"double bacon cheesebuger"

"Ok i'll take two of those bad boys, two large chilli fires and two large diet cokes."

[Homyrrh]

Reminds me of that great quote in True Romance.

"Whats the biggest baddest hamburger you got?"

"double bacon cheesebuger"

"Ok i'll take two of those bad boys, two large chilli fires and two large diet cokes."
Guess what, everyone? Went to the drive-thru at Taco Bell for lunch today, asked for two (2) Grilled Stuft Burritos, beef, and a medium Pepsi (MEDIUM PEPSI...).

I realized, after driving away, that in tasting it, it was inarguably a diet; the order was processed incorrectly. Concluding, I washed like 1200 calories of gutbusting, stomach-churning burritos with a f'ing *DIET* Pepsi...dammit.

[SpoonMan999]

Guess what, everyone? Went to the drive-thru at Taco Bell for lunch today, asked for two (2) Grilled Stuft Burritos, beef, and a medium Pepsi (MEDIUM PEPSI...).

I realized, after driving away, that in tasting it, it was inarguably a diet; the order was processed incorrectly. Concluding, I washed like 1200 calories of gutbusting, stomach-churning burritos with a f'ing *DIET* Pepsi...dammit.

It seems every time we go to Taco Bell my brother will order a chicken grilled stuffed burrito and get beef...EVERY TIME. It drives him crazy, I always get what I ordered so I keep going back but he gets pissed when I say that's where I'm going. He also doesn't have a car and has no choice.

And on me being a dick to customers...

1. I did get a lot of people who would ask stupid questions on purpose just to piss me off.
2. Mac fags would constantly come to argue about which platform was better. (Funny story about that after the break)
3. Manager was never around and didn't seem like he gave two shites about our store so no retaliation.
4. We all knew we were getting shut down soon so an immense lack of caring on our part.

On to the funny story. This girl, probably about 15-16, would come up constantly and ask why PCs suck and Macs are better. We started to get fed up with her so the next time she comes she has her little group of friends and they're all giggling and she says, "Why do PCs suck?" Without missing a beat my coworker replies, "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" She ran out crying.

[A.J. Hakari]

At the video store I work at, I heard possibly the dumbest thing I've ever heard anyone say.

A woman gave me a phone number to look up her account. A couple different accounts came up, and I couldn't find her name, and I told her this. What does she say to me next?

"Oh, if I gave you my number, would that help?"

:(

Yes. Yes, it would, Sparky.

[tbone]

Not one I heard, but one relayed to me by a friend who works at a BMW dealership

girl: my parent's have a BMW do you guys fix those?

[Benj]

Heard some dudes say "You ever had an STD?"
Then the kid I worked with said "I dunno, never got checked."

[Dragula]

I will always remeber this arguement I had at work. I'm a cashier at a Stop & Shop.

Me: Okay, that'll be $28.96.
Woman: (Long pause)...How much?
Me:...$28.96.
Woman: But I only bought a couple of items
Me: I know but the prices of them add up to $28.96
Woman: But I only have $30
Me: Than i'll give you your change
Woman: What are you talking about, change. Change in what?
Me:...Your remaining money...
Woman: But I only have $30

I'm not even joking, this actually happend to me one day.

[mel1ssa]

mine is not movie-related. i have to deal with employees who aren't satisfied with anything. it's not fair this, it's not fair that. it's all bullshit. people look around and think that others are getting more than they are, meanwhile they do absolutely nothing to change their situation or make themselves better.

'what do you mean i'm not getting an interview for a job that i have no experience in, no education in, have no knowledge of what the job is responsible for? this place is going to crap. you post a job and don't give every fucking internal employee that applies a courtesy interview. i hate this place, oh, but love my benefits, love my stable job, love my stable income. i just want more, give me more without me putting anything into it.'

i think that's pretty dumbass...

[DarthWade]

One time I went to a grocery store and in front of me was a woman with a kid and a big basket of groceries. I didn't think anything of it because I had a fair amount so I simply got in line behind her. We get to the cash and the woman's not putting her stuff up to be scanned. So the cashier asks her to please do that so she can scan the items.


The woman shakes her head and says "no."

What she asks is for the cashier to scan EACH item to see how much it costs. One at a time. So the cashier scans a box of cookies, tells the woman it's 2.99$ and the woman says "no". So the cashier has to put it aside. Scans another item, milk, ok. Then another item, "no", etc...I left the line and this poor cashier had to do this.


This is the most obvious statement in history - working with the public SUCKS.

[plantpage55]

One time I went to a grocery store and in front of me was a woman with a kid and a big basket of groceries. I didn't think anything of it because I had a fair amount so I simply got in line behind her. We get to the cash and the woman's not putting her stuff up to be scanned. So the cashier asks her to please do that so she can scan the items.


The woman shakes her head and says "no."

What she asks is for the cashier to scan EACH item to see how much it costs. One at a time. So the cashier scans a box of cookies, tells the woman it's 2.99$ and the woman says "no". So the cashier has to put it aside. Scans another item, milk, ok. Then another item, "no", etc...I left the line and this poor cashier had to do this.


Normally I am not this mean and would never even dream of seriously posting this, but that woman should be grabbed by the vagina and turned inside out. That's ridiculous.

[mel1ssa]

Normally I am not this mean and would never even dream of seriously posting this, but that woman should be grabbed by the vagina and turned inside out. That's ridiculous.

ouch. :eek:

[Venus Venusia]

The people at my work are so movie illiterate that I don't even bother to correct them most of the time, or even chime in on any vaguely movie topic.

Case in point, the other day a couple women where talking about Sam Elliot and how he was still sexy. When someone said "Who?" another girl said "He was in the Blade movies..."

Ahahahahahahahahahaha! That's the funniest thing I've read all morning.

[NathanRomano]

Ahahahahahahahahahaha! That's the funniest thing I've read all morning.

I hear he does a good Wesley Snipes, so I could see the confusion

[The Heart Collector]

This thread really infuriated me, so I'm gonna discuss two things.

First,

"Do you have the new Sony Vaio?" I literally laughed in this person's face."

What's funny about that? What the hell is a Sony Vaio? How is knowing what a Sony Vaio is fundamentally relevant to my life at all? or most people's lives. I assume it's some sort of electronic gadget. Cool. Whatever. Most people buy those out of necessity / curiosity, not because they are technology dweebs that know everything about them. But whatever, you sure showed that guy. High Five!

If this ridiculous story were true, which it isn't, then you should have been fucking fired anyway for being too goddamn incompetent to manage the monolithic task of being respectful to your customer. I don't understand why you're posting this story like it's cool or something, when essentially it's the story of a guy working a miserable kiosk job showing he doesn't even deserve that.


The second thing I wanted to address, regarding all the mockery of people's taste and their confusion between actors/directors, etc... Are you guys under the delusion that you have like, knowledge of film or something? That you're actually in the position to make fun of people for their taste in movies? Because umm, you really aren't. Do you guys seriously think your in-depth knowledge of 'indie' darling Quentin Tarantino, notorious manchild Kevin Smith, mainstream-indie Searchlight/Vintage/Miramax films, and a couple of Criterions puts you so far above the plebes that you can laugh at them?

When was the last time you saw a multi-page thread here about anything but the most mainstream fare? What was the last hundred-reply topic about Ingmar Bergman (which is pretty fucking mainstream, to be honest)? Anyone?

I'm just a little dumbfounded here. Who could possibly give a shit that people don't know the difference between Sam Elliott and Kris Kristofferson? What kind of insular view of the world do you have where you actually can't understand why people wouldn't know the difference between two nobodies? This bullshit thread always happens, and unsurprisingly, it's hardly ever the actual movie heavyweights posting about those stupid stupid mainstream sheep. It's always the dude with the Kevin Smith avatar, or the guy with The Boondock Saints listed as favorite movie. How about some humility? Yeah, some people don't know Tarantino didn't direct Hero. So the fuck what. You can't list me the films directed by the Dziga Vertov group, so? Who the fuck cares? It doesn't make you some moron.

[BanksIsDaFuture]

^^^Ether.

[Homyrrh]

This thread really infuriated me, so I'm gonna discuss two things.

First,

"Do you have the new Sony Vaio?" I literally laughed in this person's face."

What's funny about that? What the hell is a Sony Vaio? How is knowing what a Sony Vaio is fundamentally relevant to my life at all? or most people's lives. I assume it's some sort of electronic gadget. Cool. Whatever. Most people buy those out of necessity / curiosity, not because they are technology dweebs that know everything about them. But whatever, you sure showed that guy. High Five!

If this ridiculous story were true, which it isn't, then you should have been fucking fired anyway for being too goddamn incompetent to manage the monolithic task of being respectful to your customer. I don't understand why you're posting this story like it's cool or something, when essentially it's the story of a guy working a miserable kiosk job showing he doesn't even deserve that.


The second thing I wanted to address, regarding all the mockery of people's taste and their confusion between actors/directors, etc... Are you guys under the delusion that you have like, knowledge of film or something? That you're actually in the position to make fun of people for their taste in movies? Because umm, you really aren't. Do you guys seriously think your in-depth knowledge of 'indie' darling Quentin Tarantino, notorious manchild Kevin Smith, mainstream-indie Searchlight/Vintage/Miramax films, and a couple of Criterions puts you so far above the plebes that you can laugh at them?

When was the last time you saw a multi-page thread here about anything but the most mainstream fare? What was the last hundred-reply topic about Ingmar Bergman (which is pretty fucking mainstream, to be honest)? Anyone?

I'm just a little dumbfounded here. Who could possibly give a shit that people don't know the difference between Sam Elliott and Kris Kristofferson? What kind of insular view of the world do you have where you actually can't understand why people wouldn't know the difference between two nobodies? This bullshit thread always happens, and unsurprisingly, it's hardly ever the actual movie heavyweights posting about those stupid stupid mainstream sheep. It's always the dude with the Kevin Smith avatar, or the guy with The Boondock Saints listed as favorite movie. How about some humility? Yeah, some people don't know Tarantino didn't direct Hero. So the fuck what. You can't list me the films directed by the Dziga Vertov group, so? Who the fuck cares? It doesn't make you some moron.
-If you're looking for a Vaio, you'll know it's from Sony, that it's a laptop and that it isn't sold at a Dell Kiosk. It's whatever.
-I think I posted something about insolence apparent in actually saying some of the things that are mentioend in this thread. Funny? Eh, yeah, but you're right that someone in custoemr service should fulfill their paid obligation to serve the customer. I some of the similar positions I've had in my earlier youth, my ass would have been kicked and fired by management for even suggesting some of this.

-I'm a novice in the company of amateurs, yet some things are foregone conclusions. On the whole, however, this unfounded arrogance is rather innaprropriate and just that--it's unfounded.

-You did, however, match this arrogance you loathe so much...=/

[APzombie]

the only difference between them and you heart is that they laugh behind peoples backs. The approach to feeling superior is different for everyone. Evidently you need a little confrontation to get yer kicks (aparently i do to or i wouldn't have responded). Calling people out for having inferior film knowledge and then calling those people out for being self proclaimed film-geeks that couldn't roll with a conversation about Vertov's Man with a Movie Camera or any of his other pictures on a site called JoBlo (founded by and for the-every-day film fan) itself is a rather snobbish, even when you say it doesn't make anyone a moron.

that being said... i kind of agree with a lot of what you said.

[moose1132]

I work in retail, but we hardly sell any movies. We have some cheap ones and they're all mostly shit like the latest direct to DVD Steven Seagul or Paris Hilton movie. Anyway, I stay away from the movies in fear of hearing something about how great they are. I still hear stupid shit all the time though. Some of the dumber things I've heard...

Customer: Do you work here?
Me (standing a on a ladder wearing my company shirt stocking the top shelf): Yes...

Customer: Do you think these curtains will fit my window?
Me: Well what's the size of your window?
Customer: I don't know, it's kind of big. Do you think they'll fit?
Me: Yes...

I was also asked by like an 11 or 12 year old girl one time if we had condoms. That was kind of disturbing. And one time I was told the local news station was coming to our to store to ruin us because we didn't have the cranberry juice that was advertised (I had to walk away from this customer because I was laughing so hard).

[axel2k8]

A lot of people think my restaurant sells "Iced Tea." No we don't. There is no such thing. There are many variations of tea, and most of them have ice in them. You can get sweet, unsweet, sweet/unsweet mixed, lemonade/sweet, and lemonade/unsweet. Also, some people ask for "the potato." This also does not exist since we serve 7 different kinds. Another thing I love is when I go through the long list of side items or salad dressings and they end up picking out the first thing I say, like chips or ranch. You could've stopped me once you heard something you liked.

Another thing that irks me is when people come in at 11:00 in the morning trying to break $100 bills. We've barely been open and I'm supposed to have that kind of change already? Gee, thanks for taking all my 10s and 5s. God forbid someone should come in here with a TWENTY!

On a movie related note, some kid came in the weekend Iron Man came out and tried to tell me that he died at the end. I told him that wasn't possible since it was only the first movie and they had announced two sequels, but he was like "He still dies!"

[Homyrrh]

A lot of people think my restaurant sells "Iced Tea." No we don't. There is no such thing. There are many variations of tea, and most of them have ice in them. You can get sweet, unsweet, sweet/unsweet mixed, lemonade/sweet, and lemonade/unsweet. Also, some people ask for "the potato." This also does not exist since we serve 7 different kinds. Another thing I love is when I go through the long list of side items or salad dressings and they end up picking out the first thing I say, like chips or ranch. You could've stopped me once you heard something you liked.

Another thing that irks me is when people come in at 11:00 in the morning trying to break $100 bills. We've barely been open and I'm supposed to have that kind of change already? Gee, thanks for taking all my 10s and 5s. God forbid someone should come in here with a TWENTY!

On a movie related note, some kid came in the weekend Iron Man came out and tried to tell me that he died at the end. I told him that wasn't possible since it was only the first movie and they had announced two sequels, but he was like "He still dies!"
That's incredibly inane...on your part. Iced tea? As in tea that's been chilled, likely with ice, and has ice? I always order iced tea unsweetened...as opposed to sweet tea as opposed to hot tea as opposed to flavored iced tea.

And if you have seven items to offer, I just might want to hear them ALL before deciding on the first...

[crodger]

I'm a teacher and I do a lot of cover and supply work in London. These kids have a terrible taste in movies.

Student 1: "Have you seen 'Meet the Spartans innit? "
Student 2: "Yeah that movie was great. Sir, have you seen it?"
Sir: "I don't waste my time with that garbage."

Now replace Meet the Spartans with Epic Movie, Superhero Movie, Scary Movie and you get my drift. It's the kids of today who are responsible for the continuing bombardment of cinemas with these unfunny spoof movies.

[hasselbrad]

I'm a teacher and I do a lot of cover and supply work in London. These kids have a terrible taste in movies.

Student 1: "Have you seen 'Meet the Spartans innit? "
Student 2: "Yeah that movie was great. Sir, have you seen it?"
Sir: "I don't waste my time with that garbage."

Now replace Meet the Spartans with Epic Movie, Superhero Movie, Scary Movie and you get my drift. It's the kids of today who are responsible for the continuing bombardment of cinemas with these unfunny spoof movies.

I had a teacher who showed us Dr. Strangelove and Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask when I was in the ninth grade. Of course... he was arrested when I was in the tenth grade, but that was for selling pot and threatening to kill a cop.
Drop some Kubrick or Allen on them and blow their narrow little minds.

As for me, I work for a company that sells medical equipment and supplies.
I just had a nurse ask me if she can send a vial of Lidocaine that's gone out of date on them back for credit, with the caveat "it's unopened".
Do you take milk back to the store and insist they refund your money because it went out of date in your refrigerator?

[corran horn]

Another shitty line, this time after your handed a hundred dollar bill and your checking to see if it's legit:
"It's good, I just made it this morning."

Well, aren't you the witty one!

To be fair, that one was actually funny, but I can understand your annoyance.

Experiences that make me fear for humanity's future:

kids singing along to that Beverly Hills Atrocity trailer. I wanted to go and tase those little buggers.

My father were waiting in line to get tickets to see The Queen (it was the only best picture nominee I had not seen, and I usually like to see all 5). Right in front of us was this band of the ditziest, most braindead adolescent females you could possibly find. Not only did they all ask for Epic Movie (no surprise, really), but the one making the order had the ditziest accent I'd ever heard outside of film or TV.

Mercifully, my personal encounters with the borderline retarded have been minimal.

Mikey2Dope: great one about the guy trying to return something to the internet. Sounds like something our chief decider would do.

Heart Collector: while you're right about the duties of customer service people, that should not prevent them from being able to vent at the stupidity of the customers. If someone is really dumb enough to ask for a Sony product at a Dell kiosk, sorry, that customer gets what they deserve. Personally, I'd love to see CS people go postal on idiotic customers. Thins out the herd and makes for great viewing.

I have a zero tolerance for people who say, do, or like (except as a guilty pleasure) stupid things. Some things are objectively stupid, and they should be ridiculed as such. I do not suffer fools gladly, which is why I never worked with customer service. There'd be to big a mess to clean up once I was done with them. I rant about other people's stupidity, and I would be a hypocrite if I did not allow others to do the same.

If someone doesn't honestly know something, I don't mind. If they're being deliberately and insistantly ignorant, I say let'em have it. Whether its mainstream or indie makes little to no difference to me. Quality matters most. Plus, when a person loudly proclaims their enjoyment of thos wretched spoof movies, I think that is absolutely permissible grounds for ridicule. I sense a certain amount of hypocrisy on your part.

Oh, and if you're familiar at all with country or folk music, you'd know that Kris Kristofferson is hardly a "nobody". He's not been as active as, say, Willie Nelson nor as famous as Johnny Cash or Waylon Jennings, but he's hardly no one.