Sometimes, I think Hakari and I are the smartest people in the world...

[countchocula]

I was talking to one of my best buds earlier today (Adam J. Hakari), and we pontificated on the Batman universe. What if reality mirrored comic books? What if real-life criminals dressed up as goofy characters? Yeah, The Dark Knight is a fantastic film, but the basis of Batman's "mythology" is a bit silly. Adam and I came up with a few characters that are a little more realistic.

The Banana-The Banana is a registered sex offender. He's big on rape. I envision him cornering a helpless woman, and spending 15 minutes trying to unzip his banana outfit.
Possible Catch Phrases-"Do you find me aPEELING?" "Sorry fellas, I gotta split!"
Accomplice-La Femme Chiquita, a yellow-clad concubine.

The Unicycle-The Unicycle is a Muslim suicide terrorist. He aims to hijack a plane while wheeling up and down the aisle on his unicyle and juggling assault rifles.
Possible Catch Phrases-"One is the loneliest number." "It looks like I've WON this battle!"
Accomplice-The Tricycle, a three-legged evildoer.

Create your own Batman villains!

[JJFlamingo]

"They call me Mr. Glass!" :D

[therealjohng]

The potential in this thread is extremely high.

[Lost in Space]

epicness flows from the veins of this

[Reigh Kaufman]

The Troll - The Troll attempts to destroy Batman by repeatedly calling his supporters 'Fanboys' and deliberately rating his crime-solving panache a meagre 1 on internet message boards simply because he is the antithesis of the current zeitgeist. His motto is 'hide in plain view' because he cunningly lives in his mom's basement. Superpowers include the ability to induce flame wars and the invincible cloak of anonymity afforded by his ISP. Looks a lot like Kevin Smith in Die Hard 4.

[therealjohng]

The Troll - The Troll attempts to destroy Batman by repeatedly calling his supporters 'Fanboys' and deliberately rating his crime-solving panache a meagre 1 on internet message boards simply because he is the antithesis of the current zeitgeist. His motto is 'hide in plain view' because he cunningly lives in his mom's basement. Superpowers include the ability to induce flame wars and the invincible cloak of anonymity afforded by his ISP. Looks a lot like Kevin Smith in Die Hard 4.



While I kinda fall into this category, I'm giving you this, but it did indeed make me laugh my ass off.

[KcMsterpce]

Hey, what's that on your nose, there? It's brown. And smells like shit!

:D

[X-Nightcrawler]

Oooh, I got one! Not necessarily a villain, but just for the sake of the game.

The Fanboy - Like Robin. But gayer.

:D

. . . "The Dark Knight" (Christopher Nolan - 8/10).

[Gordon]

"They call me Mr. Glass!" :D

They call me Mr. Tibbs

Unft. Potentially the best Batman villain ever.

[A.J. Hakari]

If you think these are bad, ask Count about some of his songs celebrating ethnic diversity.

[therealjohng]

Hey, what's that on your nose, there? It's brown. And smells like shit!

:D



Hhahaha, right, I could give a flying fuck about that. I truly did find it funny.

[The Postmaster General]

While not actually an enemy to Batman, he is more of an annoyance. Always on the scene, and quick to make fun of what Bats is listening to, or to bash and ridicule his favorite movie. He won't ever hurt you, but steer clear of THE HIPSTER.

[KenSPT]

The Procrastinator - An average looking villain who desperately wants to kill Batman, but always puts it off ...

[countchocula]

The Condom-The Condom is a rapist/bank robber who wears a full-body condom. He is the hardest Batman villain to catch, mainly because of how slippery his costume is.
Possible Catch Phrases-"You're going to need PROTECTION from me!" (after robbing a bank) "Step on it! Let's burn some rubber!"
Accomplice-The Load, a ghost who is believed to be Casper's altar ego. "Load, you really blew it this time!"

Elgyn deserves partial credit for The Condom. The Condom and The Load are properties of Warner Bros. Entertainment. All rights reserved.

[countchocula]

I'm also working on a pedophile named Kidd E. Pourne. He glues lollipops to his face.

[Homyrrh]

The Condom-The Condom is a rapist/bank robber who wears a full-body condom. He is the hardest Batman villain to catch, mainly because of how slippery his costume is.
Possible Catch Phrases-"You're going to need PROTECTION from me!" (after robbing a bank) "Step on it! Let's burn some rubber!"
Accomplice-The Load, a ghost who is believed to be Casper's altar ego. "Load, you really blew it this time!"

Elgyn deserves partial credit for The Condom. The Condom and The Load are properties of Warner Bros. Entertainment. All rights reserved.
THe Load...the only time I've EVER laughed out loud on JoBlo...ho0ly shit...AHAHAHAH~!!!!!!1111!!!

[zombievictim]

THe Load...the only time I've EVER laughed out loud on JoBlo...ho0ly shit...AHAHAHAH~!!!!!!1111!!!

Really? That's like the 4000th time I've laughed on these boards. You give your fellow schmoes too little credit.

[Lord Raiden]

Bad Touch
Real Name: Father Pat McGroin

Sex offender, rapist, thinks Seth Rogen is funny: a truly sick individual.
Thwarted Batman's numerous attempts to jail him with a quick call to the Vatican. His bedroom is said to smell of M&Ms and Astroglide.
Likes to spend his weekends at Neverland Ranch. Thinks Chris Hanson is a pompous little bitch.

Possible catch phrases:

"What's Happy Time? When the little hand touches the big hand."

"Tell anyone about this and I'll kill your dog."

[Tweek]

The Condom-The Condom is a rapist/bank robber who wears a full-body condom. He is the hardest Batman villain to catch, mainly because of how slippery his costume is.
Possible Catch Phrases-"You're going to need PROTECTION from me!" (after robbing a bank) "Step on it! Let's burn some rubber!"
Accomplice-The Load, a ghost who is believed to be Casper's altar ego. "Load, you really blew it this time!"

Elgyn deserves partial credit for The Condom. The Condom and The Load are properties of Warner Bros. Entertainment. All rights reserved.

Lots of comic book characters look like they're wearing full body condom. Well mostly Captain America.

Anyhow, well done. I laughed.

:cool:

[bigred760]

Ummm . . . Bigred.

[Elgyn]

Elgyn deserves partial credit for The Condom.


"Partial" credit????? IT WAS MY FRICKIN` IDEA!!!!!!

The only thing YOU came up with was 'The Load'........and you didn`t even use my quote!

[The Condom gets angry at The Load for screwing something up]

THE CONDOM: "Dammit Load, I`m not gonna swallow this crap anymore"!

[Elgyn]

..........and Kidd E. Pourne was my idea too, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[countchocula]

WRONG. You deserve partial credit, you Robert Smith-loving pretzel whore. You came up with HALF of the joke. I'm the star here!

[jeo4]

The Douchebag

Found in cheesy clubs and meat market beaches everywhere. Activities including making goofy poses for any camera or dancing badly to impress "the babes".

Theme music provided by John Mayer, Dave Matthews, or some other banal pop musician.

Catch phrases include "Dude, I'd tap that shit hard" and "Get me another wine cooler, brah!"

Uniform varies from various sherbet colored shirts with popped collars, flip-flops and an upside down polo hat cocked sideways to just plain shirtless, mainly when posing hard for a camera or showing off on said beach.

Weapons include - cheesy one liners, insults to others not of his kind, techno music, and his ability to bed idiotic women, of which no town seems to have a shortage.

Weaknesses include work, long division, rational thought and good manners.

This villain hates Batman because he represents real men, none of which respect the peach colored polo or margarita wine cooler.

[countchocula]

BUMP

[DaveyJoeG]

BUMP

Oh good.

[ilovemovies]

Oh god.

Fixed. :p

[The Postmaster General]

The Bump:

Always a reminder of all things past, his main skills are an uncanny knack for scrapbooking. He is mostly an embarrassment to Batman, often bringing up things like the time Bats climbed out a window only to discover the fire escape had been removed, or the oft overlooked occasion when Batman shat his costume after saving a crowd at a Wayne Foundation picnic/hot dog eating contest. You will never know when to expect him, but you will always notice him.

Well-known catchphrase: "Crime stories in the top 10, please allow me to bump thee."