View Full Version : Top Twenty Hottest Ladies of Action Cinema
Three things I know I Love. Action Films, Hot Ladies and Pizza. This list is an ode to the combination of the first two. Note: I fit pizza into the mix by eating it while I watch the former, this = pure win. I usually like to make Top Ten Lists, but this time I got too excited and found myself unable to cut my list of potentials down, so here is the first half of my…
Top Twenty Hottest Ladies of Action Cinema
*WARNING, THERE BE SPOILERS AND FOUL LANGUAGE AHEAD!*
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Honorary Mention: Cynthia Rothrock
The Kung-Fu Queen herself. Cynthia is in more movies than I can ever hope to find. The reason that I am giving her the honorary spot is because, well… I’ve only seen like 3 of her movies. Not that I don’t really want to see more, the problem is they are some difficult fucking things to obtain. Especially where I live. The internet is a magical place where practically anything can be bought and sold, but I just don’t have the green to keep up. So as it would be unfair for me to pick 1 role out of the 3 I have seen, I’m awarding Cynthia my Honorary Most Bad-Ass Chick In Action Award. (Sadly there is nothing tangible to send her, though she is in my Top 8 On MySpace (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=364107171)) I Love Ya Cyn-Rock, and I look forward to the day I can afford to purchase more of your repertoire.
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20. River Tam (Summer Glau)
- Serenity (2005) -
I’ll start by saying that I never watched ‘Firefly’, for two reasons: #1. Insects are gross. <--Period. I don’t give a shit if their asses can light up in the dark. Still Gross. In fact, even more so. #2. Joss Whedon is HIGHLY overrated IMO. I watched the first couple seasons of ‘Buffy’ and after discovering that everything cool about the movie was gone (I.E. Paul Reubens, Pike, Humor), what was left, sucked my blood hardened boner, but not in the good way… Anyways, I decided to watch the movie ‘Serenity’ when it came out on dvd, I cannot recall why? But, fuck it. The point is, I did.
On to the best part! River. She outfits herself in a smokin’ hot dress with a high slit to show off her bitchin’ gams and army boots. And she mixes Ballet with Kung-Fu, to create: Ball-Fu. Kinda like Van Damme in ‘Double Team’. She is a dancing queen that could take your head off with a roundhouse kick. Sweet.
She almost never talks and when she does, it is always imperative to your life. Kinda like a guard dog that only barks when trouble brews. I never thought I would find down syndrome sexy. OK, so I’m guessing that she doesn’t have the D, but so far as I can tell she is, at best, an idiot savant. Lacking practically all social skills and only showing emotions in the ‘psychotic rage’ range, and since my knowledge of her character is limited to what I can remember from the film, what more could one assume? The thing is, what she lacks in conversation, she more than makes up for in kicking ass. She systematically slaughters an entire room of battle-ready, mutant space-men. That shit was AWESOME. And, even though you really only get an aftermath shot (Thanks PG-13!) it is still the coolest thing in the movie. Yes sir, that’s one River I would be happy to slip my canoe into. Hey That Rhymes! Check it, I’m a poet and I had no idea that I was one.
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19. Melina (Rachel Ticotin)
- Total Recall (1990) -
Our hero, Quaid (Not Dennis or Randy), meets this little minx at a brothel named ‘The Last Resort’. Hmm, sounds like a sexual gamble I would want an ace in the whole for, wow that did not come out right. I’m just gonna stop while I’m ahead. The ‘Club’ turns out to be a lot cooler than the name would suggest, it has a chick with 3 titties, a slutty, gun-toting midget and spooky Martian mutants as clientele. And Melina works there! How cool is that? She’s Brunette, Athletic, Sleazy AND Demure. This chick is as close as you can get to dating another dude, without her being a tranny. That may sound like a bad thing to some, but I find it SEXY. She can fight, she can shoot, she stands by her man, and she doesn’t have a Femustache. Shit, most Men look pale in comparison when teamed up with Schwarzenegger, and this chick is a Chick, AND she pulls it off. Melina is a total Bad-Ass and she is one of the few who would succeed in luring me away from her hot co-worker with the 3 gorgeous fatstacks.
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18. Omega Sector Agent Helen Tasker - Codename: Doris (Jamie Lee Curtis)
- True Lies (1994) -
I think Simon says it best:
Simon: Aww, but she could be so hot if she wanted to. She's like all these babes, you get their pilot lit, they could suck start a leafblower. And she's got the most incredible body too and a pair of titties that make you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten year old boy! AHAHAHAHA!
One of the best things about this character is that, even though she is spending half the film ‘cheating’ on her man, you can completely sympathize with her. She is just so lonely and all she wants is a little attention and excitement, hey don’t we all? This all comes to a head in an interrogation scene after she is caught by Harry (Schwarzenegger) and ‘arrested’ for being with Carlos the 'Spy'. She lets loose all her bottled up feelings and shows us that, while she is truly a caring and good person, she is also not one to be fucked with. The scene is by far the most touching in the film and does a terrific job at setting up the future of her character.
Helen gets arrested, interrogated, kidnapped and finds out her husband has been lying to her for over 20 years. Then she’s drugged, beaten, tied up and told she is to watch her husband be tortured. She inadvertently kills a shit-ton of terrorists, saves her man and gets in a cat fight with Wayne Campbell’s Girl Friend because she thinks the terrorists killed Harry. This all leads to her having to jump for her life, into the arm of her beloved who is hanging from a helicopter, before falling to her death in a run-a-way car off the edge of a destroyed bridge. Successfully rescued, she lets loose and screams in joy, only to find out her daughter has also been kidnapped by the terrorists. Fuck. After ALL this, Helen not only falls back in Love with the man who put her all through it, she JOINS him by becoming his female agent partner. How Sexy is That? I’ll tell you: A LOT!
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17. Investigator Virginia ‘Gin’ Baker (Catherine Zeta-Jones)
- Entrapment (1999) -
She’s A Pussy Thief, or Cat Burglar, if you prefer. This is super sexy in and of itself. Selena Kyle is a cat burglar, I rest my case. Sometimes you gotta root for the criminal, and this is one of those times. Gin is an investigator that is trying to gather evidence against this other thief, Mac (Sean Connery), only she is using that as a cover to work with him to steal 8 Billion Dollars. So she is gorgeous , CHECK. Devious and Underhanded, CHECK and she hangs out with Connery, CHECK. This chick is like eating a whole chocolate cake by yourself, you know you shouldn’t like being into the idea, but God Dammit, sometimes you have to give into temptation and fuck the consequences. Literally.
In addition, She’s One HELL of a Climber. What is the first thing that you think of when the topic of ‘Entrapment’ comes up. Yup, that ASS shot. Oh, my lordy lord. First time I saw that trailer, I couldn’t remember fuck all else. That pristine posterior was burned into my retinas like a cow brand. ~SKASsssss~ I was sold.
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She is just so Limber, it makes my pecker stand up and say HOWDIE! Her little dance-through-the-lasers bit just kills me every time. I never get tired of it. You could take some of the catchiest YouTube vids and cross-breed them into something astronomical (Daft Ninja Cat Bodies) and put it next to ‘Booty Shot From Entrapment’, and I’m going with misses Jones every time.
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16. Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss)
- The Matrix Trilogy (1999-03) -
Trinity wears skin-tight leather, packs more heat than a 12 year old Iranian, can kill you with a bitch-slap and handles high-speed, high-velocity vehicles like her midiclorians are off the scale. Sure all the awesome is just downloaded straight into her brain, but you need to know how to utilize that shit and this is where Trin-Trin outshines even Neo. From her opening scene in ‘Part One’ (before we even knew that she was a good guy), when she breaks that cop’s nose, kicks her chair at another, jump-kicks in slow-mo, runs up the wall and fucks the remaining pigs up with stylized martial arts, dammit I knew I was In Love! A skin tight leather wearing babe that knows kung-fu and says ‘Fuck You Authority’. Baby, where have you been all my life? She never loses her cool and always figures a way out of any situation, even if it means death for the greater good. She practically carries The One through all three movies, and we, like Neo, love her for it. I could only dream of someone supporting me the way this gal does her man. Shit, she would die for him… twice. That’s love, baby.
...to be continued
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15. Coffy aka Mystique the Whore (Pam Grier)
- Coffy (1973) -
Nurse by Day, Vigilante by Night, She is the Bane of Organized Crime in L.A. Story goes like this, Coffy’s sister succumbs to drug abuse, ya dig? So Coffy takes to the streets to claim back what the mutha-fuckin’ dope-pushers have taken from her people. Using her friendship with the last straight cop in the city and her connections with some abused call-girls, Coffy infiltrates the organization run by King George. Posing as a hooker, Coffy gets taken into the King’s stable-o-bitches. The rest of the film follows Coffy as she systematically manages to kill every mutha-fucka that so much as shook King Georges hand. And along the way avenges her sister, her buddy cop and straight fuck-up her betraying asshole boyfriend. I imagine watching Coffy do her thing must have been like watching Beethoven conduct a symphony. Except for a baton, she uses a shot-gun, a perfectly quaft afro, her feminine wiles and a pair of perfect Double-D’s. Coffy manages to make Charlie Bronson look like a pussy cat. The tag-line says it all: “Godmother Of Them All, The Baddest One-Chick Hit-Squad That Ever Hit Town!… COFFY” You damn right.
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14. Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat 'Leeloo' The Fifth Element (Milla Jovovich)
- The Fifth Element (1997) -
Between those sexy white bandage straps and the way she says mul-ti-pass and chick-kan, Leeloo is, in a word: Perfect. “Me fifth element--supreme being. Me protect you.”, yes mam. She is the savior of mankind personified in a lithe, sexy little kung-fu fighting red-head. Though she is destined to save mankind, she has to want to. This results in a problem, as she sees just how truly awful the human race really is. And we learn that she too, is vulnerable. Designed to protect and not to love, she gives up on mankind. Luckily for us, she has McClai…. I mean Dallas. Korben Dallas. He teaches her that even a weapon can love and conquer all and with a kiss. The two lock lips and Leeloo unleashes the perfect weapon capable of destroying a planet sized concentrated ball of evil hurling itself unto Earth. Not every chick on this list is capable of saving the entire planet and hooking up with Bruno. Leeloo, I salute you, SHA-WinG!
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13. Charlene ‘Charly’ Baltimore aka Samantha Caine (Geena Davis)
- The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) -
Samantha Caine is your average suburban milf, living the American dream as a schoolteacher in PiggsKnuckle, Pennsylvania. The only problem in her life is that she only has her memory from the past 7 years. Yup, she woke up one day crawled out of the ocean with a single key and a bun in the oven. Must have been one HELLAVA party. She employs a private dick, Mitch, to try and find the remnants of her past, to little avail. Until, one day she ends up getting attacked by an escaped convict and not understanding how, dispatches his ass with extreme prejudice. The case gets deeper and deeper and we soon find out that in her old life, Sam was an assassin for the CIA named Charlene Baltimore. Let the games begin. With her memory back in check, Charly has some debts that need to be paid. We get to watch the attractive soccer-mom transform into the hard-talking, wise-cracking, ass-kicking, take-no-shit sexy super spy Charly. And she is pissed, not only at the men that betrayed her and left her for dead, but also at how fat Sam let her ass get. No More, Mrs. Nicegirl. It’s Charly’s turn to shine, and it‘s gonna be bright. Excuse me while I grab my shades.
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12. Pvt. Dizzy ‘Diz’ Flores (Dina Meyer)
- Starship Troopers (1997) -
Has there ever been a more tragic character? OK, yeah… a bunch, I know, but this tugs at my heart-strings. Dizzy was the shit. A hardcore babe that happened to fall for the wrong guy. It’s a classic case of not realizing what you got till it’s gone. Rico spends the whole film pining after the goofy-looking Carmen, when Diz is spread-eagle right under his nose. Dizzy is THE DreamGirl! She’s hot, she‘s buff, she kills bugs better than Raid Spray and most importantly… she really REALLY want‘s Rico‘s Hot Beef Enjection! If you’re like me, you just want to scream ‘WAKE UP JOHNNY!’
Eventually Rico comes around after his commander says, hey--stop being such a dumbass and tap that ass. And it’s a good thing too, not only ‘cuz we get to see Diz get nakkie, but ‘cuz the next day she dies in a blaze of glory. She saves what is left of the platoon from a giant sludge-spewing beetle-bug that pops out of the ground, by chucking a grenade down it’s gullet and blowing the bug bastard to smithereens. Tragically, in her celebratory ‘I Did It!’ moment, a sneaky infantry bug sticks it in and breaks it off, ruining her bodacious bod. Ever the bad-ass, she holds out just long enough to let Rico know how much he meant to her before she dies. Hindsight’s a bitch, huh Johnny?… you idiot.
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11. Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan)
- Grindhouse: Planet Terror (2007) -
First, my gal is a Go-Go Dancer aka Stripper that never delivers, but what the Hell! She’s fun to look at anyways! Cherry’s useless talents include telling bad jokes, arching her body into a bridge position and giving me a boner. I especially like the last two. Cherry soon finds herself in the middle of a ‘Zombie’ apocalypse and minus one leg. It’s all good though, ‘cuz her man El Wray soon finds a replacement. A modified Stockless-M4 Carbine with an under-slung M203 Grenade Launcher. It’s odd that in losing an appendage, she somehow manages to look even more sexy. Cherry proceeds to use the multitude of her ‘Useless’ talents to wax an entire onslaught of ‘Zombies’. With style, grace and a shitload of bullets, Miss Darling saves the day and ends up becoming the leader of a group of Caribbean survivors. She ends up living out the rest of her days riding horseback on sandy beaches, raising her love child and obliterating the occasional “Sicko” that rambles unto her group’s path. Tight.
... to be continued, in a few days.
Orson-Cockart
09-10-2008, 05:07 AM
suggestions:
Rae Dawn Chong - Commando
Ziyi Zhang - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Ziyi Zhang - House of Flying Daggers
Famke Janssen - GoldenEye
Sad man
09-10-2008, 07:23 AM
Great list so far. I'm glad you included Charly Baltimore, she's probably my favorite. There's something about her I really love.
bigred760
09-10-2008, 07:49 AM
No arguments from me so far . . . and again, fun to read.
Cosimo
09-10-2008, 04:16 PM
suggestions:
Ziyi Zhang - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Famke Janssen - GoldenEye
fit!!
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zombievictim
09-10-2008, 04:44 PM
You lost me when you said Buffy sucks.
ilovemovies
09-10-2008, 05:24 PM
Some of my favorites:
Uma Thurman - Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2
Jennifer Garner - Daredevil, Elektra, The Kingdom (and if tv counts then Alias as well)
Sienna Guillory - Resident Evil: Apocalypse (fuck Alice! This woman I love much more!)
Alice - Nightmare on Elm Street Parts 4 & 5 (if horror counts)
suggestions:
Rae Dawn Chong - Commando
Ziyi Zhang - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Ziyi Zhang - House of Flying Daggers
Famke Janssen - GoldenEye
All good choices, I especially agree with one of them...
Great list so far. I'm glad you included Charly Baltimore, she's probably my favorite. There's something about her I really love.
Thanks, and yeah any character written by Mr. Black is bound to be brilliant.
No arguments from me so far . . . and again, fun to read.
and again, thank you. :D
fit!!
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Close, but no cigar...
You lost me when you said Buffy sucks.
Naw, you're right this 'Buffy' is great...
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this one however...
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...is over-hyped bullshit. He took what was making fun of the 90210 Saved by the Bell '90's craptrap and turned it right back into it. Yuk. Anyways, sorry to have lost you, I didn't realize it was such a sensitive issue.
Some of my favorites:
Uma Thurman - Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2
Jennifer Garner - Daredevil, Elektra, The Kingdom (and if tv counts then Alias as well)
Sienna Guillory - Resident Evil: Apocalypse (fuck Alice! This woman I love much more!)
Alice - Nightmare on Elm Street Parts 4 & 5 (if horror counts)
I'll go ahead and say that Uma is NOT on my list. Sorry, I know. I LOVE 'Kill Bill', and other than the delayed dvd set, I have nothing bad to say about the film. I just don't find her that attractive, and this list isn't exactly 'Grand Canyon' deep.
I'm not a fan of Jenn Gar. I thought those films sucked dookie and I could never get into Alias, but anyways that would be TV and that don't count here.
Funny you should mention Jill V. tho...
And I LOVE Alice as well, BUT horror dosen't count here either. She is however a potential for another list I am working on, but... one thing at a time.
In closing, for the 3 or 4 of you that read my stoof, I'll hopefully post the Top Ten in the next couple days, I haven't felt much like writing as I have a sinus infection and it blows the proverbial goat-cheese. Anywho, thanks for postin' guys.
P.S. I'd like to add someone that also did not make my list, because... well I hadn't seen the movie yet, but here is a nice BONUS BABE. No blurb, just a picture, that happens to not be related as I couldn't find a single fucking picture of her character and I am WAY too lazy to make one myself. Anyways, if you haven't seen this flick, check it out. Total Bad-Ass and Hotness.
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Grace Lashield (Catherine Bell)
- Men Of War (1994) -
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10. Sarah Jeanette Connor aka Mom (Linda Hamilton)
- The Terminator (1984) / Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) -
Damsel in Distress turned Hardcore Heroine, this is one bad mamma. Not only did she disassemble the original T-800 sent to kill her, she goes on to birth the savior of mankind. This is one Hellova lady. I am partial to the ‘T2 Sarah’ as I think most people would agree. In the first film, Sarah is just the twenty-something on the run from a killer. A great film, and it’s not like she is annoying or anything, just not much of a ‘Bad-Ass’.
All that shit changed in-between the two films. James Cameron worked his sequel magic and just like he re-invented Ripley, he re-invented Sarah. While raising John, she managed to transform herself into a war-machine. Kinda funny how she turned into something like a terminator herself. Tragic or Awesome, however you see it, she’s a Great character. Capable of doing rep after rep of prison pull-ups, beating the shit outta some abusive security personnel, to dodging bullets slung by a walking talking loogie and still having enough energy to fire back. Plus, she looks great in a tank-top. Even when she’s got a bad case of just-been-fucked-hair, and covered in blood and sweat. As Sarah is fond of saying, ‘There is no fate, but what you make.’ Well I tell ya, I’d like to make fate with her any day of any year.
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09. Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie)
- Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) / Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life (2003) -
While the films can quickly be categorized as ’Dumb, But Harmless’ the character herself rises a little above for me. Could it be her keen archeologist skills? Her discipline in training her mind and body? Or is it her gorgeous built-in flotation devices? I think it’s a combo. Lara bounces around the globe in her skin tight shortie-shorts, with her dual pistols and dual comedic relief bozos, solving the worlds largest paranormal-artifact-going-to-destroy-the-world adventures that could put Indy to shame… if only they had better writers. The character of Lara is also the last time I found Angelina Jolie sexy. Blasphemy, I know, but shortly after the 2nd Tomb Raider, something happened to her that turned her into Jack Skellington. Nowadays she is just skin rapped around some giant veins and bones. Eww. But Damn, she was smokin’ as Lara. That long brunette hair, those luscious lips, legs that go ALL the way to her ass and of course her pair of big beautiful… eyes. Add into the fact that she was romantically linked to both James Bond AND King Leonidas, she is truly a tomb worth raiding.
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08. Lieutenant Ellen L. Ripley (Sigourney Weaver)
- Aliens (1986) -
If you are going to make one of the greatest action films of all time, you can’t fuck around when making the hero. You have to make one of the best. The fact that James Cameron and Sigourney Weaver pulled it off is admirable, but the fact that they made the hero a woman and in the middle of the “Machismo, Fuck Feminism” state of the 80’s no less, is amazing. Ripley is not only a Bad-Ass, she Re-Defined it. Before this movie I doubt you could convince anyone that a motherly figure searching for her ‘daughter’ story could not only be touching, feminine, and dramatic, but that it could as well be hardcore, macho, and action-packed all without infringing on one another. This is ‘Aliens’ baby, and this is Ellen L. Ripley. The L. stands for Mother-Fucking. DON’T DEBATE ME! Ripley, having dealt with an alien before, works with a team of take-no-shit space marines en route to investigate an alien-infested human colony and bring back survivors. Having almost died in her last encounter, does this shy Ripley away? Fuck No. She insists on going with to help the pitiful group of army brats. And it’s a good thing she does, ‘cuz when all is said and done, she is the last man standing… I mean, Last Woman. Rosie the Riveter ain’t got shit on Ellen.
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07. Carolina (Salma Hayek)
- Desperado (1995) / Once Upon A Time In Mexico (2003) -
My gal Carolina is so fine that she straight-up causes car crashes just when crossing the street. Literally. Second love of the mysterious Mariachi, Carolina joins the story in part II and adds some much needed hot sauce to the grande enchilada of action-cinema that is ‘the Mexico Trilogy’. El meets this spicy little number when he gets his ass all busted up by Navajas (aka the rapist from Con Air).
Carolina drags El off the street and into her establishment, which happens to be Mexico‘s only bookstore, or at least one of the ONLY bookstores. Soon, Carolina befriends him and helps El learn to love again. Not that this woman would be hard to fall for… 1. She is smart and frugal. She loves books and saves her money for future ambitions. 2. She’s got skills. She is a self-taught field doctor, she can sing, and when the fit hit’s the shan, she knows it's time to whip out the weapons and wax a mother-fucker. 3. She is Pretty. Did I say pretty? I meant FUCKING GORGEOUS! This is Mid-Nineties Salma Hayek, baby!… Rodriguez wasn’t fucking around. He knew how to get our attention, the Mariachi’s attention, shit… even a blind gay guy could smell the essence off of Salma’s sexual visage and pop a tent-pole.
The only bad thing about her is that she was underused, especially in the second sequel. How the fuck you gonna give us an awesome scene showing that El has taught her how to seduce and kill their enemies with extreme prejudice, but make it a flashback AND kill her off? Just ’cuz Salma was busy with another movie?… Uh, couldn’t you just say she was, I don’t know, visiting Friends or some shit? HOW COULD YOU KILL HER, BOB?! She deserved better. She deserved Me… or at least to live to see menopause with El, SOMETHING, I don’t know. Dammit.
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06. Officer / Raccoon City’s S.T.A.R.S. Alpha Team: Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory)
- Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) -
THE Best part of Resident Evil: The Movie Part 2. OK, the ONLY Good part of Resident Evil: The Movie Part 2. This movie sucked Nemesis’s hanky ooze filled ballz. BUT! It was still watchable due to the Goddess that is Jill ‘My Not-So-Secret’ Valentine. Gosh Golly Gee Wiz I Love This Gal! Straight from the get-go we are shown that Officer V. is a take-no-shit, fuck-the-rule-book, my-way-or-the-highway hardcore cop-on-the-edge with two of the sexiest stems wrapped in a mini-skirt that wouldn’t fit around my arm… Hot-Cop.
We are first graced with her presence as she storms into her precinct (which she is suspended from, awesome) and proceeds to save no less than 6 people’s lives from the Zombie perp and prostitute scum stinking up her workspace. “Ya Gotta Shoot ‘Em In The Head.” Excuse me a moment while I check ‘Finding Someone To Love’ off my ‘Things To Do In My Lifetime’ list. Uh, That’s a BIG CHECK. She keeps her level of Badassness (and the shortness of her skirt) up throughout the film as we, the audience, spend every scene without her thinking, ‘Forget Alice, FOLLOW JILL!’. She pops a Zombie, I pop wood. She slings an insult, cupid slings an arrow. She says, “I’m good, but I’m not THAT good” to Alice, I scream ‘NO YOU’RE MUCH BETTER! MARRY ME!’ to my TV screen… alone… on my couch… in my underwear… you get the idea. I know who I’m going to ask to be my Valentine this coming year, and every one after.
... continued ...
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05. Death Dealer Selene (Kate Beckinsale)
- Underworld (2003) / Underworld: Evolution (2006) -
Question, What’s hotter than a athletic brunette vampire in skin-tight leather, that spends her days killing Lycans with dual automatic pistols and high-tech cutlery that she keeps inside a black leather trench coat, and is played by Kate Beckinsale? Answer, Not Fucking Much. Selene is so sleek and sexy, even guys that don’t shop at Hot Topic find her a fox. Namely, Me. Something about those pale blue eyes staring deep into mine while she delivers a death blow to a freak-of-nature moon-child, just makes me want to sink my canines deep into the side of her sexy lithe neck just below the hairline and… Sorry, I kinda checked out there.
Selene mixes animalistic rage and bloodlust with beauty and grace like only a 90lb Brit gal can. Even her name sounds like some kind of sexual fluid, Selene. Mmm, I’ll take a 32oz’er please. Delicious. Selene spends the double feature shooting-kicking-stabbing and biting every humanoid creature to ever grace a D&D book and never loses her appeal in the process. And while the first film was pretty weak-sauce for a ‘R’ rated bloodbath between supernatural species, the sequel more than made up for it and flushed out her character with a larger body-count and the possibility of cool future prospects. Now the 3rd film is soon to be released, and alas, Selene is not returning, as it is a prequel. I can’t be too sad though cause they are placing Rhona Mitra as the female lead. That’s like the pizza guy showing up at your house with the wrong order, but saying ‘Sorry, I don’t have any breadsticks, but I have this larger pizza with more of the toppings you love AND I brought along my super hot British sister to chill and eat your pizza with you.’ Or something…
http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/6194/azumi25of.jpg
04. Azumi (Aya Ueto)
- Azumi (2003) / Azumi 2: Death Or Love (2005) -
Be still my katana-pierced heart. I picked up the first film back in late ‘03 on an imported dvd because I loved the director’s work on ‘Versus’, ‘Alive’ and ‘Aragami’ and figured, maybe lightning might strike quatro or something. And Boy-Howdie did I get lucky. Azumi blew my mind and then blew ME!… in my dreams. Played by the multi-talented Asian pop-star Aya Ueto, she was (is) the most beautiful and petite assassin this action fan has ever laid eyes upon. The story is pretty simple, Azumi is raised alongside 9 boys to become a team of assassins trained to take out any warlords that seek to, well… start wars, and exterminate their asses before causing the land and her people more pain.
If you want to get an idea of just how hardcore this chick is, check it: her first mission upon ‘graduating’ is to kill her best friend and fellow assassin in battle. This cuts the team in half, literally, and sends them out unto the world to exterminate 3 warlords that are planning on razzling one another. Azumi’s tale is one of heartbreak and bloodshed. She slices and dices her way through 2 films, all 3 warlords, rival assassins, and a couple hundred faceless bodyguards and mercenaries. Azumi can gut a mother fucker one minute, and with a swish of her cape and a bat her lashes bring men to their knees in adoration, myself included, the next.
http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g237/cinevision/2004_house_of_flying_daggers_012.jpg
03. Xiao Mei (Zhang Ziyi)
- House Of Flying Daggers (2004) -
This is one of the most stunning and beautifully shot films I’ve ever seen and so it seems appropriate that the heroine be one of the most stunning and beautiful actresses I’ve ever seen. Through half the film, we are lead to believe that Xiao is a blind dancer with ties to the ‘rebel’ group known as the Flying Daggers. Two officers plot a scheme to have her lead them into the ’House’ (the rebels secret base of operations). What we eventually find out, is that every character seems to be playing one another, and a web of lies and deceit entangle the three. This is complicated by the fact that Xiao is in fact not blind, and leading the officer’s into a trap. But the main problem arises when Xiao falls for one of the men, Jin, and the other officer, Leo, we find out knows Xiao from within the Flying Daggers and is in love with her… it’s all very complicated, but the film is much better at unfolding it than my jumbled ramblings.
The point is, one more person falls in love with Xiao, the audience, or at least I did. Ziyi is my favorite actress and this is my favorite role of hers. Her act of blindness is so convincing, and yet when she ends up being a skilled assassin adept in espionage, it is not only believable, but makes for a beautiful transition for the character. My favorite scene is near the end: When faced with a decision to sacrifice her life, by pulling a blade from out of her heart to use as a shield to protect her love, she not only does the deed, but would have succeeded in saving his life had the attempt been real. It is sooo fucking tragic and yet beautifully poetic. To stand by your man with such an act of selflessness is truly admirable. I have to stop and go watch a monster truck show and do some push-ups now, this shit is making me too emotional.
http://www.ugo.com/movies/sexy-halloween-costumes/images/keira-knightley-pirates-of-the-caribbean.jpg
02. ‘Pirate King’ Elizabeth Swann aka Elizabeth Turner (Keira Knightley)
- The Pirates Of The Caribbean Trilogy (2003-07) -
I went to the first POTC as a fucking joke, my friend and I intended on poking fun and cracking jokes. Who’d of thunk that this movie, based on a fuckin’ Disney ride, could be filled with so much fun? Not I. But as I sat there, with a big dumb grin on my face, something else happened. I did something I hadn’t done since I was in Jr. High: I fell in Love with a fictional character: Captain Jack.. NO! Elizabeth, or more importantly, Keira Knightley. And when I say fall in Love, I don’t mean like, ‘It’s Gonna Happen! I’m Holding Out!’ No, I mean I just couldn’t take my eyes off her. In a word, I find Miss Knightley, Stunning. I admit, I am a sucker for Brunettes, I’m a push over for Big Brown Eyes and I’ll downright Kill for a girl that can pull off a pout so delicate and exquisite as the one Keira displays on a nearly scene-by-scene basis. So needles to say, her role as Lizzy Swan fuckin’ killed me. She is the kind of beauty that makes me curse the world for giving me my fugly genetics AND allowing someone like KK to be viewed publicly. It’s fucking unfair. But enough of that, on to the character.
Elizabeth starts out in the first film as a trophy wife in-training, as would be decreed by her looks and social status. But like all good fairy tales, she falls in love with the underdog. Now I’m not sure how much of an ‘Under Dog’ a guy that looks like Orlando is, but fuck it, there are walking skeletons and cursed Fish-Men walking around, so I’m willing to suspend my disbelief. The first film, she pretty much just fills the plot points of getting Will and Captain J. around to where they need to be in order for hijinks to ensue. Not much can be said. However in the sequels, Elizabeth is given a MUCH bigger role and her character becomes a center piece in the unfolding of this epic trilogy. She ends up becoming a skilled sword fighter, setting up C.J. to be sacrificed, infiltrating a pirate lord’s base, sailing off the edge of the world, becoming the King of the Pirate’s council, AND she initiates the final war between the trading company and the pirates. Whew. Plus, she stays true to her man by waiting over 10 years for his return and raising his kid to boot. Thus, she breaks him free from his duty and they all live happily ever after. What a Babe.
http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/39a0/Doomsday.jpg
01. Maj. Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra)
- Doomsday (2008) -
Here is how I like to think the pitch for this movie went down:
Studio: So, what is your idea.
Neil Marshall: Well, I want to make an homage to the films ‘Escape From New York’, ‘Mad Max 2’, ‘Aliens’ and the ‘Warriors’, set in a post-apocalyptic United Kingdom.
Studio: Hmm, We Like It, But Who Will Be The Hero?
Neil Marshall: Well, my idea on that is… wait do you know who Snake Plisskin is?
Studio: UH, Yeah. Only one of the coolest anti-heroes ever to grace the silver screen!
Neil Marshall: That’s The One, Now imagine that he is a Super Hot Chick…
Studio: Stop Drillin’ You Hit Oil!
That about says it all. Take all the coolness of the ‘80’s Sci-Fi Action Heroes and put it into a Super Hot Chick. Bingo, you have Eden Sinclair. Oh my Lord, what Pure Fucking Win! I read non-stop hate for this film and I just don’t get it. All the complaints seem to be that it is a Rip-Off and that it Doesn’t Make Sense and that it is Over-The-Top… These people clearly DO NOT GET IT! Those are the reasons why this movie is so GOOD! I had sooo much fun watching this, and I am proud to say I am one of the 23 people that saw it in the theater. Which in itself is tragic. This could have been an amazingly fun, super-charged Trilogy but instead, got ruined by the current generation of douche-bag film snobs makes my piss boil. The main problem is that almost none of the current teenagers have fucking seen any of the classic flicks this film is amalgamating. It sucks.
Anyways, the story goes, Eden is sent on a mission to Scotland, which has been quarantined for like 25 years to contain a zombie-like virus. She is given a team of marine-like soldiers, and upon arriving in the city are attacked by cannibalistic cyber-punks. Eden and the team manage to dispatch something like 50 of the Hot Topic rejects before being captured. With all but 3 of the team slaughtered and eaten, Eden and the others manage to escape from the city. How, you ask? Well, by breaking out of her cell, killing several guards, and sword-fighting-to-the-death, the leader’s main squeeze.
Next up for our Heroine, she is captured and held prisoner in a medieval, regressed society, complete with a castle. Sinclair is then forced to fight Gladiator-style with a giant, armor-clad mongoloid, which she kills fucking awesomely. They escape again by obtaining a mint-conditioned Bentley, which they use to out-drive the now-mobile cyber-punks ala Road Warrior-style showdown complete with about 25 more deaths and enough car crashes and explosions to give Michael Bay a Boner. Eden follows all this up by bringing down a corrupt government AND becoming the leader of the Cyber-Punks by presenting the formers severed head. Now I ask you, does this sound like a kick ass ride with one of the most Bad-Ass Bitches in All of Cinema? If you answer yes, I think we can be friends. If not, sit and spin. I Don’t Understand You, and I Don’t Like You.
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTI5MzM5NDU3Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTY4Mzc1MQ@@._ V1._SX485_SY323_.jpg
As always, thanks for reading and feel free to post your own lists and debate/praise mine ~RANT
bigred760
09-14-2008, 02:29 PM
Well, I haven't seen Doomsday, but I gotta say kudos to the Rhona Mitra love. She be fine.
I also love me some Elizabeth Swann as well; I have a thing for hot British women in period movies (Olivia de Havilland in some old school movies like Captain Blood for example).
Another great list.
MarcoPolo
09-16-2008, 03:08 PM
Faye Grant from "V".
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:Cwv_JJ87rcTHwM:http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2046/1747849941_36b2c628b4.jpg%3Fv%3D0
Sienna Guillory from Resident Evil 2 (I agree with previous Schmoes).
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:rqz2YXkWhfWlLM:http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h52/T013/normal_Sienna_Guillory_RE2_Promo_11.jpg
I know I might get slammed for this but I always liked Kirsten Dunst in the Asian suit. A little modesty never hurt.
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjA5NDA2Mjg0M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMDQ3NTY3._V1._ CR0,0,485,485_SS100_.jpg
Salieri
09-16-2008, 03:25 PM
I don't agree or disagree, I just want to say this is how lists should be done. Good write-ups.
MarcoPolo
09-16-2008, 04:14 PM
Good write-ups.
They are indeed well done. http://forums.catholic.com/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif
Well, I haven't seen Doomsday, but I gotta say kudos to the Rhona Mitra love. She be fine.
I also love me some Elizabeth Swann as well; I have a thing for hot British women in period movies (Olivia de Havilland in some old school movies like Captain Blood for example).
Another great list.
Yes, I have mucho love for Miss Mitra, Miss Knightley, Miss Guillory and Miss Beckinsale... Something about those Skinny Brits makes me happy in my pants.
Faye Grant
I know I might get slammed for this but I always liked Kirsten Dunst in the Asian suit. A little modesty never hurt.
Before I can decide to slam or not, What is "The Asian Suit"?
I don't agree or disagree, I just want to say this is how lists should be done. Good write-ups.
Thank you very much. :D
They are indeed well done. http://forums.catholic.com/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif
And a thank you to you as well. Thanks for taking the time to post guys.
Snowblood
09-17-2008, 07:59 PM
Thanks for this thread, Rant, I've had fun reading it through, watching out for shout-outs for my own favourites. What about my namesake, Lady Snowblood, or even Lucy Liu's Snowblood-based character in Kill Bill Vol. 1? They're pretty bad-ass, those two.
http://paveldanton6.googlepages.com/Shurayukihime19736.jpg
and
http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/18/35/13/44/18364092.jpg
D.B. Cooper
09-17-2008, 08:46 PM
I love the song in Kill Bill 1, The Flower of Carnage by Meiko Kaji of Lady Snowblood fame. Ive always ment to buy her album.
Thanks for this thread, Rant, I've had fun reading it through, watching out for shout-outs for my own favourites. What about my namesake, Lady Snowblood, or even Lucy Liu's Snowblood-based character in Kill Bill Vol. 1? They're pretty bad-ass, those two.[/IMG]
Lady Snowblood IS Great and I was VERY close to having her on the list. Her first flick is a classic, but the second seemed to fall a little flat for me. Still, the only reason I have for leaving her out is space constraints.
As for Kill Bill, I LOVE all the ladies from the movie, and if I had to choose JUST one from the flick, it would have been O-Ren. Again, only thing I can say about 'Why Not?' is space. There are just too many to choose from, for instance here are just some of the other Ladies of the Blade that would have been good...
http://www.weirdwildrealm.com/filmimages/come_drink_with_me.jpg
Golden Swallow (Pei-pei Cheng)
- Come Drink With Me (1966) -
http://www.bvi.com.tw/movies/TFK/img/gallery/images/ph_04.jpg
Golden Sparrow (Yifei Liu)
- The Forbidden Kingdom (2008) -
http://www.lovehkfilm.com/reviews_2/ab5734/my_young_auntie_b.jpg
Cheng Tai-Nan (Kara Hui)
- My Young Auntie (1981) -
http://1st-sandal.com/others/sandahl_bergman.jpg
Valeria (Sandahl Bergman)
- Conan The Barbarian (1982) -
http://images.theage.com.au/ftage/ffximage/2008/06/26/yeoh_narrowweb__300x456,0.jpg
Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh)
- Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) -
http://www.shadowdalecreations.com/lotr_arwen_chase_dress_2.jpg
Arwen (Liv Tyler)
- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-03) -
http://moviesmedia.ign.com/movies/image/ka_keira1.jpg
Guinevere (Keira Knightley)
- King Arthur (2004) -
http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1143969/photo_22.jpg
Miho (Devon Aoki)
- Sin City (2005) -
http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1159178/photo_09.jpg
Ayane (Natassia Malthe)
- DOA: Dead or Alive (2006) -
See, I could go on and on... and on.
Snowblood
09-17-2008, 10:02 PM
Yes - well, thanks so much for all the other "honorable mentions" you just posted! I adore Miho and Guinevere especially, and Arwen, too, and Golden Sparrow. Fantastic thread. I'm a woman, and I have a major thing (also, admittedly, sometimes hots-for attraction, too) for strong and bad-ass kicking-ass women in film, so it's awesome to read these kinds of lists, real eye and mind candy this. Thanks!
Yes - well, thanks so much for all the other "honorable mentions" you just posted! I adore Miho and Guinevere especially, and Arwen, too, and Golden Sparrow. Fantastic thread. I'm a woman, and I have a major thing (also, admittedly, sometimes hots-for attraction, too) for strong and bad-ass kicking-ass women in film, so it's awesome to read these kinds of lists, real eye and mind candy this. Thanks!
Well, I have to say: You're Welcome, and I Think I We Should Be Friends :D. I also have a Top Ten Bond Girl (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123780) List posted... (Shameless Plug I Know), but check it out if you are interested. Plenty more Bad-Ass Chicks that I spend much too much time talking, thinking and writing about can be seen there.
Snowblood
09-18-2008, 03:47 AM
Ooo!! Awesome - a top ten Bond girls thread? Am moseying on over there tout-suite. I hope you've got Ursula Andress in at the very least, the top 3. Hopehope! 'K, going now to check it out...
The Postmaster General
09-18-2008, 04:35 AM
Kudos on including Dina Meyer in the list. Along with Ripley and Sarah Connor, she was among the first to come to mind for me.
As for Kill Bill ladies, I really liked Chiaki Kuriya as Gogo. I can't say she was the hottest, but her speciality was totally wicked.
Ooo!! Awesome - a top ten Bond girls thread? Am moseying on over there tout-suite. I hope you've got Ursula Andress in at the very least, the top 3. Hopehope! 'K, going now to check it out...
Sorry to bring you down about the Ursula Andress thing... But I at least explain why. :rolleyes:
Kudos on including Dina Meyer in the list. Along with Ripley and Sarah Connor, she was among the first to come to mind for me.
As for Kill Bill ladies, I really liked Chiaki Kuriya as Gogo. I can't say she was the hottest, but her speciality was totally wicked.
Yeah it's too bad about Dina's career, she kinda dissolved into mediocrity and was lost shortly thereafter, right around 'Saw 3' I think it was.
I fell in Love with Chiaki Kuriyama after Vol. One, she was the reason I ordered my first copy of 'Battle Royale' back in '03. Ah, the memories of watching her castrate the young would-be rapist bring tears of joy to my face...
johnjani1
09-15-2011, 01:12 PM
Lady Snowblood IS Great and I was VERY close to having her on the list. Her first flick is a classic, but the second seemed to fall a little flat for me. Still, the only reason I have for leaving her out is space constraints.
As for Kill Bill, I LOVE all the ladies from the movie, and if I had to choose JUST one from the flick, it would have been O-Ren. Again, only thing I can say about 'Why Not?' is space. There are just too many to choose from, for instance here are just some of the other Ladies of the Blade that would have been good...
http://www.weirdwildrealm.com/filmimages/come_drink_with_me.jpg
Golden Swallow (Pei-pei Cheng)
- Come Drink With Me (1966) -
http://www.bvi.com.tw/movies/TFK/img/gallery/images/ph_04.jpg
Golden Sparrow (Yifei Liu)
- The Forbidden Kingdom (2008) -
http://www.lovehkfilm.com/reviews_2/ab5734/my_young_auntie_b.jpg
Cheng Tai-Nan (Kara Hui)
- My Young Auntie (1981) -
http://1st-sandal.com/others/sandahl_bergman.jpg
Valeria (Sandahl Bergman)
- Conan The Barbarian (1982) -
http://images.theage.com.au/ftage/ffximage/2008/06/26/yeoh_narrowweb__300x456,0.jpg
Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh)
- Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) -
http://www.shadowdalecreations.com/lotr_arwen_chase_dress_2.jpg
Arwen (Liv Tyler)
- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-03) -
http://moviesmedia.ign.com/movies/image/ka_keira1.jpg
Guinevere (Keira Knightley)
- King Arthur (2004) -
http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1143969/photo_22.jpg
Miho (Devon Aoki)
- Sin City (2005) -
http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1159178/photo_09.jpg
Ayane (Natassia Malthe)
- DOA: Dead or Alive (2006) -
See, I could go on and on... and on.
you have to good collection of the action movies.. specially Guinevere (Keira Knightley)
Mausam Movie 2011 (http://www.ejannat.com/mausam-movie-2011-online-hindi-movie/)
Mausam 2011 Mp3 (http://www.ejannat.com/mausam-songs-2011-mp3-video-hd/)
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