Troll 2 Poem

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

So I had to write a Sonnet for my English class this week. (Which totally sucks! I have to read it off for a Podcast! By the way, what does making Podcasts have to do with English or reading? When am I ever going to be debating my sentence structure, come across an error, then fix it by way of using a Podcast!!? STUUUUUPID!!!) Anyways, I decided to do a poem on one of my all-time favorite Horror movies:Troll 2. :D Thought that some of you Horror Geeks may get a little something out of it, even though it totally sucks.

Oh my Gaaaaad!!!
The cast can't act.
The director is such a fraud!
It's got the cheeze packed.
There aren't even any Trolls.
Vegetarian Goblins!?
Mo meat, that's the rules!
Was it filmed in Dublin? (Worst attempt at rhyming. Ever.)
Was this written by six year-olds?
Tighten your belt.
Don't eat the food iced in green molds!
Did that girl just melt?
Worst movie ever.
But I'm a fan forever.

Yup, it totally sucks. But I'm sure that it'll confuse the fudge out of my teacher, which will be pretty funny on it's own! (For another writing project I did a story on Yoda-Jesus, Orgy369's [or whatever the three-digit numbers are] Avatar. He had to face off against Peter Jackson-Satan. :D) Love to hear your feedback. Feel free to discuss the Troll film as well!

[spacemonkey]

Lets join in the fun (heres my little Troll II poem, whipped it up in five)

Troll II is the king of slop
Theres no doubt this movie flopped
Makes you wonder, did they even try?
Answers quite obvious, movie made me cry
Cry not of sadness
but of crapness
Balogney sandwiches to kill the villain?
Id rather bash my head against the ceiling!
Maybe then this movie will make some sense
But right now this movies awful without precedent
Vegetarian goblins in a town called 'nilbog'?
The producers of this film were obviously ill man!
So next time your bored with nothing to do
Just watch your old copy of Xanadu!

[frogmonkey]

That has to be high up on the list of greatest things ever to turn in to a class. If your teacher has any taste, they'll fall apart laughing or at least appreciate something a little different from the usual tripe. I'd kill to get something like that turned in to me. By the way, don't get too angry at the teach over the lame ass podcast thing, we're pushed to include that kinda crap whether it makes sense for the context or not. On the plus side, you should push for including sound from the movie along with the reading. Just say that it's multi-textual genre-bouncing.

[countchocula]

Here's my Troll II poem...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

[Dylan Bank]

I watched Troll 2 again with a girl who was genuinely scared by it. No joke, she was clutching me and jumping back and was mad when I was laughing. I'd hate to watch The Shining with her. Or maybe that'd be awesome, come to think of it, but it might kill her.

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

Lets join in the fun (heres my little Troll II poem, whipped it up in five)

Troll II is the king of slop
Theres no doubt this movie flopped
Makes you wonder, did they even try?
Answers quite obvious, movie made me cry
Cry not of sadness
but of crapness
Balogney sandwiches to kill the villain?
Id rather bash my head against the ceiling!
Maybe then this movie will make some sense
But right now this movies awful without precedent
Vegetarian goblins in a town called 'nilbog'?
The producers of this film were obviously ill man!
So next time your bored with nothing to do
Just watch your old copy of Xanadu!
Ha! I actually prefer your's to mine. I can't believe that I am no longer the only person on the Boards to have written a Troll 2 Poem! :D

That has to be high up on the list of greatest things ever to turn in to a class. If your teacher has any taste, they'll fall apart laughing or at least appreciate something a little different from the usual tripe. [QUOTE]

Thanks. I thought that it would be pretty original and kewl. I can't wait to hear her reaction!
[QUOTE=countchocula;2985801]Here's my Troll II poem...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Nice. And done with the usual Count Chocula writing flare as well! I also like this one better than mine, it's a much more sophisticated poem, whereas mine was a sloppily put together Sonnet.

[countchocula]

I didn't write that. It was a joke. Five points to the first person who gets the joke.

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. I Google'd it. :D

[countchocula]

Cheater! I'm DEDUCTING five points!

[Duke Nukem]

I did something similar for a creative writing class in high school. Thankfully, no podcast was involved. I did a poem like that, only it covered "Thirt3en Ghosts" from 2001. I remember being anxious to see that back then. Almost every horror movie that Fall didn't disappoint.

I wound up writing a poem, primarily based on its poster art. Various "ghostly" images making up a screaming face. I think I covered how scary it looked and the potential it held. I ultimately ended the poem with how movie didn't live up to the poster. I've tried looking for it, but I can't find my disk with all my high school files.

I have not had the *pleasure* of seeing "Troll 2." If I run into it someday, I'll make sure to get it.

[poopontheshoes7]

People, people have no fear
as the town of Nilbog draws near
Piss on the food to save your family
Why oh why wasnt this honored by the Academy?


Thats all I got...:D

[PSU80]

[QUOTE=spacemonkey;2985750]Lets join in the fun (heres my little Troll II poem, whipped it up in five)

Rob Zombie's Halloween is the king of slop
Theres no doubt this movie flopped
Makes you wonder, did they even try?
Answers quite obvious, movie made me cry
Cry not of sadness
but of crapness
Balogney sandwiches to kill the villain?
Id rather bash my head against the ceiling!
Maybe then this movie will make some sense
But right now this movies awful without precedent
Vegetarian goblins in a town called 'nilbog'?
The producers of this film were obviously ill man!
So next time your bored with nothing to do
Just watch your old copy of Xanadu![/QUOTE

Here's how it should go...

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

People, people have no fear
as the town of Nilbog draws near
Piss on the food to save your family
Why oh why wasnt this honored at the Academy?


Thats all I got...:D

That should have been the lyrics to the Troll 2 theme. They coulda played it over the end-credits. :D

[PackBacker]

We need some Troll 2 Haiku

Sandwiches save day
Double decker bologna
Kill veggie goblins.


Ok that's weak. Beer will help me come up with more...

[orgy316]

Your guys poems were way better then the one i did for that class. Mine was about how much i hated Romeo and Juliet. It sucked. Next time i(or g-snap) need a poem, we'll come ask you creative geniuses for some help. haha ;p

[terrible_toxie]

I love these poems man. I love how G1ng3r started the poem off with the greatest line from Troll 2. OMG!!!! I cant wait for Best Worst Movie to come out on DVD.

[teenkiller]

These poems... all of them... are among the worst things I ever read. I mean they really and truly suck guys. It seems like there wasn't any effort put in to any of them at all...




In other words they accurately capture the spirit of Troll 2!



By the way count, I knew that poem was from from Robert Frost but what was the joke you were referring to?

Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

I love these poems man. I love how G1ng3r started the poem off with the greatest line from Troll 2. OMG!!!! I cant wait for Best Worst Movie to come out on DVD.
That was actually more me not knowing what to write than an intentional thing. I thought that it could come off as an intentional homage though, glad to see that I tricked you. ;)
These poems... all of them... are among the worst things I ever read. I mean they really and truly suck guys. It seems like there wasn't any effort put in to any of them at all...




In other words they accurately capture the spirit of Troll 2!



By the way count, I knew that poem was from from Robert Frost but what was the joke you were referring to?

Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.

Aww, TK! *Blushes.*

Come on Count, let us in on the joke!

[Dylan Bank]

We are soooo ahead of the curve. There a documentary coming out about the Troll 2 phenomonon!

[spacemonkey]

More bad poetry for you guys: :)

Grandpa Seth did you really die?
Yes Joshua its me from the other side!
Why are you talking to me through a mirror?
Because the director of this film didnt know any better!
The idiot behind the camara, I thought he was braindead!
Yup Im talking about that Italian knuckle head!
Hey grandpa this movie is total bullshit!
What your language Joshua and eat your sandwich!
This movie is blogney I dont want to go on!
Dont worry son soon the credits will roll.

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

Awesome, Spacemonkey! Glad to see that the Nilbog spirit moves on!

Did anybody else hear about Troll 2 Part 2? (That's right, its not even Troll 3!) Isn't this the greatest news for Horror in the last decade, or is it just me!? :D

[XCoRyX]

I don't see a Troll 2 Part 2 happening and not sure if I really want to see it, but the documentary is doing well in SXSW festival from what i've read...and I can't wait for that,and hope i'm in it haha.

[spacemonkey]

Yeah, I did read about Troll II part II, Id be pretty curious to see how that turns out!

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

Troll 2 Part 2 is the only film that I anticipate as of right now with the exception of Wolfman. If it doesn't happen then I may cry, no joke. :(

[teenkiller]

If they do a Troll 2 Part 2 then it is imperative that Claudio Fregasso directs it. He's the only one who would be able to make it UNintentionally hilarious. Others might try to incorporate a self aware sense of humor which would defeat the purpose.

Anyways, I'm also really looking forward to the Best Worst Movie documentary. I heard it did pretty well at the SXSW festival. I just wish they would hurry up with the damn thing already. It's been about a year and a half since I heard about it and there still isn't a release date.

Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.

[XCoRyX]

Its doing a few more festivals,and yeah, the word of mouth and reviews have been ridiculously amazing...if it comes to any East Coast festival within NY/NJ/PA or MD i'll surely be going out for it...

I consider myself among the top of the fans of Troll 2 (tattoos,flying to boston for the movie screening etc), but I honestly don't want a sequel. Do the documentary and tour the docu. with the movie itself here and there some more or whatever...I'd rather just see people like Darren Ewing and George pop up in cameos of new low budget flicks.

[Brendan M.]

I never saw this movie till today. If anyone is interested, you can watch it legally online at fancast.com.

http://www.fancast.com/movies/Troll-2/94012/882054392/Troll-2%3A-Full-Feature/videos