The Confess Something Thread

[smok3h]

Maybe you're too scared to confess something to someone in real life, or maybe you just have something you really need to get off your chest, or maybe you just have to confess something for the fuck of it. Either way, do it in here, we won't judge you(too harshly ;) )! I'll start it off.

I pee in the shower.

[Smiert Spionam]

I see trouble ahead...

[Heisenberg]

I see trouble ahead...

Yes, I sense danger too.



But since i'm here I will confess something..................I am Rob Zombie.

[zombievictim]

We'll give this a chance but don't be surprised if it closed after a bit.

[smok3h]

It's not meant to troubling. It's a pretty popular thread on another forum I posted on and i thought it might be good here

[zombievictim]

Oh no, i'm not saying it is, but certain thread topics will always bring about arguments/disagreements and this looks to be one of them.

[jackson13]

Fine, I'll confess my worst human to human moment and start the thread off officially.

Back in high school, my senior year, my gym class (co-ed) was playing soccer outside on a very nice day. One boy, for whatever reason, kept running his mouth at me the entire class period. I of course mouthed back and the teacher told us to knock it off, but then, when inbounding the ball, he aimed directly for my head. It sent me off the deep end and I ran over to him, tackled him, grabbed him by the throat and screamed "WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU LITTLE SPIC" and started beating the shit out of him. I was instantly pulled off of him by the rest of the class, most of whom were my friends and kept me away from him for fear of me killing him. He just layed there on the ground trying to catch his breath and staring at me like I was pyscho. I had reason to believe I was, because once things got calmed down I realized the horror of what I had done. It was essentially a hate crime. I never even knew I had an inkling of racism in me and here I had just tackled, choked and pummeled a hispanic boy, whilst shouting at him that he was a 'spic'. I apologized but of course no one thought it was sincere. Every since that day I've found ways to control my anger and I've never called anyone a racist term ever since.

I just thank god it was all on a soccer field in my little town and not out in public where the shit really would have hit the fan.

The worst part though, to me at least, is the fact that not only has he moved away, thus making it hard for me to once again apologize (I feel I should), it turns out he is a massive, massive, douchebag (according to the people I know that are still in contact with him). So my apology, even if I could give another, would most likely go unheard/get denied.


So there, I confessed it: I am apparently racist. And in need of anger management. To be fair this was 8 years ago, but still......

[Preston_79]

I stole toys from Payless when I was in third grade.

I broke into a baseball field concession stand and took all the candy in grade 7.

Pulled the fire alarm in my middle school.

Toilet papered and egged a neighbors house, repeatedly, over the course of a couple years.

Egged cars during Halloween.

Was raped by 18 year old girlfriend when I was 17.:D

Dropping two hits of acid was my introduction to drugs in 8th grade.

Ran into a parked truck outside a bowling alley when I was 16 and left the scene.

I can't confess the really juicy stuff. I wouldn't put it past some concerned Shmoe to call the authorities.

[john_rambo]

I dressed up as a chick and raped Preston when I was 18 and he was 17.

[Abbie Normal]

I stole toys from Payless when I was in third grade.

I broke into a baseball field concession stand and took all the candy in grade 7.

Pulled the fire alarm in my middle school.

Toilet papered and egged a neighbors house, repeatedly, over the course of a couple years.

Egged cars during Halloween.

Was raped by 18 year old girlfriend when I was 17.:D

Dropping two hits of acid was my introduction to drugs in 8th grade.

Ran into a parked truck outside a bowling alley when I was 16 and left the scene.

I can't confess the really juicy stuff. I wouldn't put it past some concerned Shmoe to call the authorities.

Very funny.

[Tweek]

Hmm... The only 'confession' I can think of... I don't drink alcohol. :eek: I had a sip when I was 16 and have been turned off of it since.

[The Postmaster General]

I am D.B. Cooper.

No, but this is a story of my younger, crazier, don't-give-shit-bout-no-one days.

I'd just gotten off a pretty bad night at work, and I mean police, ambulances, people yelling, etc... I was so ready to get home.

All the spots in front of my apartment were full, so I drove around, and saw a spot, pretty far away from my apartment, but it'd do. As I got closer, I realized that a brand new Pontiac Sunfire (still had the factory sticker on it) was double parked. I don't mean over the line, I mean the line was almost in the middle of the car. And these where pretty big spots to begin with. I drove around a bit, and couldn't find anything. So I circle back and tried to park my '77 Lincoln right up against it -- I had bench seats, so while it would have blocked my driver's door, I could easily slide over and get out the other side. I had done this a few times before.

When I wedged in I realized I was blocking the car in to the right of me, as I was over the line. So, in a fit of rage, I cranked my wheel to the right and hit the gas, hearing my bumper hit the Sunfire. I then straightened up and backed out. The front bumper on those Lincolns is all steel and sticks out about 6" and is smooth in the front, but like a metal hook in the other direction. That bumper caught on the double parked car and seemed to lift it up off two wheels as I slid back.

At that moment, it was the worst sound I'd heard and I was scared someone would come running, but there was no one to be seen. That would have been bad enough, but as I was almost out, I started hearing an even worst sound - horrible ripping metal. As I cleared out of the spot, I realized that the rear corner panel of the pontiac had gotten caught on my bumper and, well, it hitched along for the ride. That was the ripping sound I heard. Where the pontiac was now missing a corner panel, my car now had a weird looking metal thing sticking out of the front driver's side. I had to slam the gas and brakes a few times through the lot before it finally fell off and under my wheels.

I ended up parking in an adjoining complex. My friends and I walked by the car later that night, and someone had sat the torn off corner panel on the back of the car, causing further damage. Not only that, but where my bumper ran down the side of the car, it tore through the body Wolverine-style.

The next morning it took about 3 minutes to clear paint off the small razor-like edge of my bumper and I had to use some epoxy to stick a rubber piece back down. As good as... well, as good as it was before.

It was funny in a sense, but it was like one of those things where you like just mean to punch someone to scare them but end up breaking their nose and killing them. (I don't have one of those stories, thankfully...)

This isn't my car, but the same make and model - just to give you an idea of what went down:

(keep in mind, these pictures are pretty well scaled to show relative sizes...)

http://www.cars-on-line.com/34000/77linc34013-1.jpg

http://401carfinder.ca/grafx/images/13501.jpg

- Here's a comparable 2-door model of the car in a parking lot for another perspective: http://imcdb.org/images/048/526.jpg ---- I'll just add, it was longer and wider than Navigators.



If I had it all to do over, I would have just found another spot and lived and let live. But that's all moot, because I doubt I'll be driving a car with that sort of gas mileage at least not as a primary vehicle...

Even though the guy double parking was a dick move, my move was no less dick.

Just remember this story whenever you hear anyone, or think of yourself, trying to double park to keep people from parking next to you. There's some crazy motherfuckers out there!

[zombievictim]

Wow Bubba. Your car is fucking awesome!

[RicochetShaw]

I am D.B. Cooper.

No, but this is a story of my younger, crazier, don't-give-shit-bout-no-one days.

I'd just gotten off a pretty bad night at work, and I mean police, ambulances, people yelling, etc... I was so ready to get home.

All the spots in front of my apartment were full, so I drove around, and saw a spot, pretty far away from my apartment, but it'd do. As I got closer, I realized that a brand new Pontiac Sunfire (still had the factory sticker on it) was double parked. I don't mean over the line, I mean the line was almost in the middle of the car. And these where pretty big spots to begin with. I drove around a bit, and couldn't find anything. So I circle back and tried to park my '77 Lincoln right up against it -- I had bench seats, so while it would have blocked my driver's door, I could easily slide over and get out the other side. I had done this a few times before.

When I wedged in I realized I was blocking the car in to the right of me, as I was over the line. So, in a fit of rage, I cranked my wheel to the right and hit the gas, hearing my bumper hit the Sunfire. I then straightened up and backed out. The front bumper on those Lincolns is all steel and sticks out about 6" and is smooth in the front, but like a metal hook in the other direction. That bumper caught on the double parked car and seemed to lift it up off two wheels as I slid back.

At that moment, it was the worst sound I'd heard and I was scared someone would come running, but there was no one to be seen. That would have been bad enough, but as I was almost out, I started hearing an even worst sound - horrible ripping metal. As I cleared out of the spot, I realized that the rear corner panel of the pontiac had gotten caught on my bumper and, well, it hitched along for the ride. That was the ripping sound I heard. Where the pontiac was now missing a corner panel, my car now had a weird looking metal thing sticking out of the front driver's side. I had to slam the gas and brakes a few times through the lot before it finally fell off and under my wheels.

I ended up parking in an adjoining complex. My friends and I walked by the car later that night, and someone had sat the torn off corner panel on the back of the car, causing further damage. Not only that, but where my bumper ran down the side of the car, it tore through the body Wolverine-style.

The next morning it took about 3 minutes to clear paint off the small razor-like edge of my bumper and I had to use some epoxy to stick a rubber piece back down. As good as... well, as good as it was before.

It was funny in a sense, but it was like one of those things where you like just mean to punch someone to scare them but end up breaking their nose and killing them. (I don't have one of those stories, thankfully...)

This isn't my car, but the same make and model - just to give you an idea of what went down:

(keep in mind, these pictures are pretty well scaled to show relative sizes...)

http://www.cars-on-line.com/34000/77linc34013-1.jpg

http://401carfinder.ca/grafx/images/13501.jpg

- Here's a comparable 2-door model of the car in a parking lot for another perspective: http://imcdb.org/images/048/526.jpg ---- I'll just add, it was longer and wider than Navigators.



If I had it all to do over, I would have just found another spot and lived and let live. But that's all moot, because I doubt I'll be driving a car with that sort of gas mileage at least not as a primary vehicle...

Even though the guy double parking was a dick move, my move was no less dick.

Just remember this story whenever you hear anyone, or think of yourself, trying to double park to keep people from parking next to you. There's some crazy motherfuckers out there!


I applaud you for that, Bubba. Every time I see a car that is double (sometimes even triple) parked (especially in a full lot, like in your situation), I feel a strong urge to key the car, or deface it in some other way. I've never worked up the nerve to do it, but reading that story is pretty satisfying. I would love to see the face on the driver of that car upon discovery of his dismantled Sunfire.

[John Galt]

I honestly can't think of anything to confess that I've done that isn't either too atrocious or too crazy to list on here.

[FireCaptain4]

I have a confession, and a strange, genetic one:

I can't grow a full beard.

In fact, my nickname among a few friends is SnatchPatch. No, that name has nothing to do with me getting laid all the time (I wish it did).

When I attempt to grow out my facial hair, a massive diamond shaped chunk stays as bare as a babies bottom. It looks very much like the vagina of an unshaven 70s porn star. I've tried shaving over the patch because sometimes that spurs facial hair to grow there, but it has never worked. I've actually gotten to the point now where I kind of like it, in a strange way.

Most of the time I keep it shaved close, though I still rock my sideburns.

I'd post some pics, but I don't have any on my laptop.


Also, when I was in Junior High I had the nickname Sasquatch. This came from me hitting my growth spurt long before anyone else in my school. I was 6'3" in 7th grade.

[Preston_79]

I dressed up as a chick and raped Preston when I was 18 and he was 17.

I was living in Nor Cal when it happened. Hmmmm?

Well if it was you, then thanks. No one has swallowed my load like that since.

[Smiert Spionam]

I punched a baby seal in the mouth.

... and I liked it.

[zombievictim]

Lets try and be constructive here.

[SuperMarcey]

I confess I love Showgirls, one of the best guilty pleasure films.

I also confess I listened to the Aith podcast while watching porn.

[john_rambo]

I was living in Nor Cal when it happened. Hmmmm?

Well if it was you, then thanks. No one has swallowed my load like that since.

What can I say, I was researching for a role, which in hindsight was kind of weird since I am not an actor.

[hrdude]

I have a confession, and a strange, genetic one:

I can't grow a full beard.

In fact, my nickname among a few friends is SnatchPatch. No, that name has nothing to do with me getting laid all the time (I wish it did).

When I attempt to grow out my facial hair, a massive diamond shaped chunk stays as bare as a babies bottom. It looks very much like the vagina of an unshaven 70s porn star. I've tried shaving over the patch because sometimes that spurs facial hair to grow there, but it has never worked. I've actually gotten to the point now where I kind of like it, in a strange way.

Most of the time I keep it shaved close, though I still rock my sideburns.

I'd post some pics, but I don't have any on my laptop.


Also, when I was in Junior High I had the nickname Sasquatch. This came from me hitting my growth spurt long before anyone else in my school. I was 6'3" in 7th grade.

I'm with you man. I can't grow a moustache to save my life and beyond a week of growing facial hair it turns ginger, from brown!! What's up with that since I have fair hair??

[Freddy Krueger]

I have a confession, and a strange, genetic one: I can't grow a full beard.

I can't grow a moustache to save my life and beyond a week of growing facial hair it turns ginger, from brown!!

I have a pretty epic beard goin' on. I steal things from stores and hide them in it.

http://www.joblo.com/forums/pictures/2572/image_ea7dfb93.jpg

[jackson13]

I have a pretty epic beard goin' on. I steal things from stores and hide them in it.

http://www.joblo.com/forums/pictures/2572/image_ea7dfb93.jpg

Yeah but Penn State swallows.

:D

[Freddy Krueger]

Yeah we do... We swallow victories!!!!!!!

... Yeah, that was bad. I got nothin'. I'm guessing you're from Michigan?

[Homyrrh]

Go Bucks

[zombievictim]

Wolverines!!!!!

[jackson13]

Yeah we do... We swallow victories!!!!!!!

... Yeah, that was bad. I got nothin'. I'm guessing you're from Michigan?

Nah, just, out of all of the Big Ten teams, my favorites are Purdue and Michigan. Purdue being #1, Michigan #2.

[RicochetShaw]

I've never attempted to grow a beard, but I am sporting a pretty sweet (if I do say so myself) stache at the moment... much to the dismay of most of the people I know. It's improved my basketball skills, though.

http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/8794/dupg.jpg

[outsyder]

It was me.

[Reigh Kaufman]

I applied to join the police force on Friday morning.

Only my fiancee knows.

I've been a teacher for four years. I now want to try my hand at being a police officer. (Following that, I want to become a Social Worker. With my education, I can retrain to be a Social Worker in one year). However, to join the police force is pretty radical for me because my family - particularly my two brothers - have police records, and the area I was brought up in was dirt poor and full of some very naughty types. If I become a police officer I will pretty much alienate myself from the people I grew up with.

Don't get me wrong: I love being a teacher. I just want to do ALL these jobs, so that when I am older I can say I did a bunch of stuff that helped people.

Wish me luck. (And don't worry: what goes on in the boards stays on the boards).

:)

[Reigh Kaufman]

I can't stop staring at that pic of RicochetShaw. It's....mesmerizing.

[BakeTheMooCow]

A glimpse of Reigh as a cop:

http://img30.imageshack.us/img30/1567/460c.jpg

Good luck!

[Reigh Kaufman]

A glimpse of Reigh as a cop:

http://img30.imageshack.us/img30/1567/460c.jpg

Good luck!

So true.

Thanks, Bake.

[jackson13]

A glimpse of Reigh as a cop:

I was thinking more of:

http://www.collider.com/uploads/imageGallery/Hot_Fuzz/nick_frost_movie_image_hot_fuzz.jpg




I kid Reigh, I kid.

[Tweek]

I applied to join the police force on Friday morning.

Only my fiancee knows.

I've been a teacher for four years. I now want to try my hand at being a police officer. (Following that, I want to become a Social Worker. With my education, I can retrain to be a Social Worker in one year). However, to join the police force is pretty radical for me because my family - particularly my two brothers - have police records, and the area I was brought up in was dirt poor and full of some very naughty types. If I become a police officer I will pretty much alienate myself from the people I grew up with.

Don't get me wrong: I love being a teacher. I just want to do ALL these jobs, so that when I am older I can say I did a bunch of stuff that helped people.

Wish me luck. (And don't worry: what goes on in the boards stays on the boards).

:)

That's a very admirable goal! Good luck to you. :)

I can't stop staring at that pic of RicochetShaw. It's....mesmerizing.

It's the 'stache. It's hypnotic.


I was thinking more of:

http://www.collider.com/uploads/imageGallery/Hot_Fuzz/nick_frost_movie_image_hot_fuzz.jpg




I kid Reigh, I kid.

Hey, there are worse things to be than Danny Butterman.

[john_rambo]

I confess that I have no desire to confess!

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

I just made a Facebook because the girl I like has one...yup, I'm a bastard. :/

[Heisenberg]

A few years ago I was doing some gardening when I suddenly needed to go to the toilet. Being the lazy cunt I am, I had a shit in a plastic bag and threw it into next door's flower bed.





or did I?

[g1ng3rsnap9ed]

A few years ago I was doing some gardening when I suddenly needed to go to the toilet. Being the lazy cunt I am, I had a shit in a plastic bag and threw it into next door's flower bed.





or did I?

So it was YOU!!!? :mad:

[Bahs]

i will now share my most embarrassing story and upstage everyone. This is a completely true story in every aspect. Scout's Honor

It seems like every time i go to a house party, i have to take a shit. I dont know what it is, I just feel the need to drop a big one. For the most part I will usually hold it than shitting in a bathroom that people are using every two minutes. Hey, sometimes the need will go away after i get down a few beers.

So anyways, last New Year's Eve my friends took me a house party down in Atlanta(about an hour from my house), i was fine when i left, but as we started getting close, i had to take a shit of course. It would come and go though.

As soon as we get there, its a small house with no joke about 50 people in one living room, but there were people everywhere--out in front, out in the back, and you could barley walk through the kitchen. And of course the need to take a shit came back once again and the only bathroom i could spot was in the living room, where most the people were. Of course i dont want to take one there because there always seemed to be even a line for it, but i did debate it. I just dont want to be the guy that is The "Hey that guy just took a steamy shit!" guy.

Well anyways, after i started to get a bit tipsy and started to dance a bit, it went away, especially after some hot girl starts grinding on me. But it was the calm before the storm. This peace lasted only about an hour to an hour and a half. I enjoyed myself during that time when i remember just out of nowhere, the need came back--and with a vengeance.

Now this was not even nowhere near how i felt when i got there when i was debating if i could shit or not. No--i had to go and nothing would stop me now. In a last ditch effort i went around to the back of the house to some hallway that connects the other apartments/houses to look for a more secluded bathroom.

I found some guy and asked him if there was a bathroom in this hallway, and he lead me around corner to a bathroom. I bolted in, locked the door, and bee-lined straight to the toilet where i took the most refreshing shit in my life.

But now the situation plummets to shit. In my desperation to get to the bathroom, i was completely oblivious to the fact that there was no toilet paper!. And of course it was a nasty one so i needed to wipe. I looked around, now starting to freak out...until i found a damp rag lying in the corner(i know, i know).

So i finish up with a rag that God knows where its been, and about this time someone starts knocking on the door, and i can tell its some girls, they are yelling at me to hurry up. I yell that it will only be another minute. Great, now they smell my crap and thing i am a disgusting person! I dont know what to do with my shit-stained rag, so i open up a cabinet and toss it in the back.

Now I flush--but its not going down. Holy shit i clogged the toilet. There are no plungers around and it even starts spilling over the edge and you can see my nasty shit in all its glory floating in the toilet. I figured just get the fuck out of there and make a run for it now.

So i go the door, where the girls are still telling me to hurry the fuck up. I go to unlock it, and for some reason i cant get the door open. It seems permanently locked or stuck or something. And i fiddle with the thing like an idiot all the while the toilet is gushing shit and i hear the girls laughing at me.

I finally get angry and yank the damn door and see about three very attractive girls. I instantly blush and get the fuck out of that hallway before they can even walk in. I know they were probably disgusted at what they saw when they got in there, but by some fucking miracle i did not see them the rest of the party and i enjoyed myself the rest of the night.

THE END

[john_rambo]

I just pretended to be a chick and had some poor bastard make a facebook to impress me.