The Best Dick Jokes In Movies

[Bourne101]

The title says it all.

A recent favorite of mine is from Funny People when George calls Ira to tell him he has a gig at a comedy club. Ira asks George how long his gig is going to be and George says, "They booked you to do a minute for every inch of cock you have, you'll be doing two and a half to four minutes depending on your mood."

[ericdraven]

"Your gun is digging into my hip"

"that's not my gun"


Ace Ventura for the win.

[QUENTIN]

"My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!"
"In a row?"

"Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!"

-Clerks

[scottmushroom]

The multi-person sequence in Austin Power...I think it was the 2nd one....with Dr. Evil's spaceship.

[Le_Big_Mac]

"Play with it, buddy. Don't talk to it."
- Innerspace

"My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!"
"In a row?"
- Clerks

"You are the greatest lover I've ever had."
"Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone."
- Love and Death

"Hey, do you have any extra large condoms?"
"Oh, Seth, please! You have a tiny penis..."
- The 40 Year Old Virgin


And, technically not a dick joke I guess, but I can't resist:

"Del...why did you kiss my ear?"
"Why are you holding my hand?"
"Where's your other hand?"
"Between two pillows..."
"Those aren't pillows!"
- Planes, Trains and Automobiles

[Natty]

All the ones that come to mind are from Superbad.

One of them:

Seth: "I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby."
Evan: "Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad's dick."

If Mottola was trying to 'capture the generation' with that movie, he sure did succeed. :D

[RandalGraves]

"Hey look it's a cock but smaller!" ~Jarhead

[phelonious]

Fun with Dick and Jane

Before their stick-up. George Segal stuffs the gun in his pants then pulls the ski mask over his face.
Jane Fonda (deadpan): "Careful, you're liable to go off half cocked".

--Ah, the great Mordecai Richler



Plus, This is Spinal Tap
The drummer has difficulty boarding on the plane. He keeps setting off the metal detector.

[Cop No. 633]

Mike Mathews: Look Joe, it just happened.

Joe Hallenbeck: Sure, sure, it just happened. Could happen to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped, fell on the floor and accidently stuck your dick into my wife. "Oops, I'm sorry, Mrs. H, I guess this just isn't my week."

-The Last Boy Scout

[Antonio141]

First thing that came to mind was the opening scene in RESERVOIR DOGS in which Tarantino debates the meaning of Madonna's Like A Virgin.

[EZM22]

First thing that came to mind was the opening scene in RESERVOIR DOGS in which Tarantino debates the meaning of Madonna's Like A Virgin.

That's the first thing I thought of as well. That and the godawful joke Tarantino tells in Desperado before getting shot in the head ("He´s looking at his dick, then at the glass. Dick, glass, dick, glass")

[Highspeed]

Teen: "Ay you holdin?
Jay: "Shit everything but coke, heroin, and your cock"

Clerks 2

[Buck Turgidson]

Winston Wolfe's immortal "Let's not start suckin' each other's dicks quite yet..." line and the whole "My dick is in the punch!!"/"He's looooking for somevone called DICK!" bit from The Hollywood Knights.