My dream project, the movie i was made to make: Exchange

[master noam]

this is my idea:

the main charictor is named Noah, he is in his senor year in high school, he is the type of guy you would see at a rave, concert, or a party who kinda stands or sits by himself and looks like he doesnt give a a shit, he is not a loser, he is not popular, he is him self and he is a loner type, he is quiet, he is very devout to his orthodox christen religion, and he surprisenly has pretty high moral standards, he is of arabic decent, and he is about 18 years old.

the movie starts off at high school and Noah day by day looks at this beautiful exchange student from main land China named sarah, he never has the courage to go up to her and talk, for Noah is extremly shy despite his chow yun fat like persona. but one day after school he sees this guy named Jude slapping the shit outta Sarah and Noah goes up to them and he Beats the shit outta Jude, and Sarah thanks Noah and from there they go out on dates and stuff all the time and there relationship is very strong. Meanwhile some other night Noah is at a party and he notice this very beautiful looking girl and he spends 2 hours looking are her. this girl shes noah looking at her and she goes up to him, its turns out this girl is a hooker and her name is Kim and Kim asks Noah if he would like to up stairs and screw around, and Noah unwittingly says yes (he would normally say no, but how could he to such a beatiful chick) and so Noah gives Kim some money and they go up stairs and do the dirty thing and they also talked alot and got to know each other. Noah ended up visiting Kim at this motel she lives in, but they do more talking then screwing. Meanwhile Sarah finds out she is pregent with Noah, she tells him ofcourse, he is unhappy and he doesnt want an abortion due to its against his religion, so he decides to just live with Kim after hard decision making, for he is morally oblogated to do so. You see he loves Kim and Sarah almost ust the same, but Sarah is True love, but he feels he has to take care of Kim and the baby they are gonna have. This gets extremly bumpy when Jude who is actully the son of the pimp of Kim, beats and rapes Sarah just to piss Noah off, which it does. and to top it off while Kim is about 7 mouths pregent, and while she is talking to Jude about Kims baby and weather she should get an abortion and she says no, it too late any way, Jude gets outta gun and shoots Kim in the stomach, Kim doesnt die but her baby does. Noah hears this and is depressed beyond possibilty, he goes to the pimps hang out, the pimp is not really bad guy and hates his son for the shit he done, after the pimp tells noah to kill his son for he himself cant do it. after noah leaves, Jude kills his dad (the pimp. later Noah finds Jude shooting Kim one buy one tourturing her, he is pretty well shot up and blood is all over the room, she is just barely living, and noah gets his club thing he puts on his stiringwheel so no one will steal it and he whacks the shit outta jude killing him, and noah goes up to the dying Kim, who has so much blood coming out her mouth and his sooo messed up she cant talk, before Kim dies noah cries and simply says "im sorry, im sorry, i love you" then she dies. Later Noah finds Sarah on the street and Sarah is mad about noah cheating on him and al that and her being raped cause of noah, but noah tells her about how kim got killed and everything and he cries begging to her to forgive him, then Sarah cires and fogives noah and they kiss and hug. but Sarah also tells him that the communist goverment of china ordered her back to china. they spend one last day together and then at the airport they emotionally say goodbye. she lives on the plane. Then Noah has a little V.O monologe about how he cant ever forgive himself about kim and how he searched for Sarah for the rest of his life to the end of te earth, then it slowly fades out.

tHE end

how do you like it, guys.

[master noam]

also here is A ALTERNATE ENDING I HAVE A IDEA FOR TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK:

after kim dies and sarah is still pissed at noah and wont forgive him, noah is majorly depressed and cant take it, so he decides to commit suicide, first he sends a note to sarah about what he is about to do, sarah then goes to noahs house as fast as she can, but she is too late, noah is already dying on his bed (he drunk lots of beer with pills) sarah cries, andnoah says "im sorry, forgive me" and noah sheds a tear and dies and sarah cries like mad but then gets in bed with him and hugs and cuddles him and then the camera zooms out and then fades out

[master noam]

Changes to the story, a new ending i intend to use on the script, and more characters.

Also the other night after hard thinking,i added alot of ideas to my noah/sarah idea. One is that before Noah`s Mom died she had really good friends named Tsui Chen(man) and Anita Chen (women) both are Chinese Americans. Anita Chen was kind of the baby sitter of Noah and his bro Peter when the were young , Anita and Noah talk at the same restraunt at least once a week. Anita is a professional therapist, noah talks to her for advice and too get rid of his problems and troubles. Anita really cares about noah and peter. in the point of the story when Kim the hooker gets pregnant by Noah, Noah decides to take care of Kim, Anita has them live in this room in there house that no one ever used, Tsui is laid back and likes his peace and quiet and is natuarlly anoyyed by this. Sarah some how finds out that Noah was cheating on her and is very upset and cries, she is rally mad at noah, Noah trys explain, but that doesn`t work. After Sarah gets beaten and raped by Jude and his buddies, Noah comes to her house and opens the unlocked door and he sees Sarah Naked,bloody, and bruised up lying on the floor trying to reach for the phone, Noah picks up the phone and dials 911 for help, and while they for them to come, Noah comforts Sarah, trying to make her stop crying and settle down. Noah`s mind starts to slowly crumble. Noah stays with Sarah at the hospital for 3 whole days, Sarah tells Noah, she thnks that he is doing the right thing by taking care of Kim and her future Baby, Noah still feels horrible. He goes home and he finds Kim in their room glum looking, she knows Noah loves Sarah more (anita told her) Noah tells her he loves her and sff like that, and then pulls out a ring and pops the question, Kim`s glum face turns into complete happiness and she says yes. The wedding was pretty small, just Tsui, Anita, and Peter were there, with a orthodox preist to do the service, It was the happiest day of Kim`s life, Noah was still troubled but still happy. Kim is now 8 months pregnant. Jude and his buddies go to anita`s house, rough the place up, they kill Tsui, they stab Peter in the side, beat and rape Anita (these guys really have nothing elese better to do), Jude makes his way up stairs finds Kim and says this:

Jude: Don`t worry i`m not gonna kill you, i`m just gonna give you an abortion.

(Jude pulls out a gun and shoots Kim in the stomach. lots of Blood out of Kim`s mouth and stomach but still lives)

Jude and buddies leave the house cheering like a mexican gang. Anita calls 911, when Noah finds out, he runs to the hospital, he is frantic and nearly chokes crying, and is extremely mad and sad untill Sarah who was about to leave the hospital runs up to Noah and gives him a hug and repeatidly tells him to stop, he settles down, he goes up to Kim who is also crying, they both hug. after 10 days, Noah takes Peter back home, and when he comes back to the hospital, Kim isn`t there,she dissapeared. Noah drives franically to jude and the pimps house, there he pulls off the club on his stearing wheel, and uses it to whack the crap outta judes buddies, killing them, then he finds Jude shooting up Kim, Noah acts quick and batters his head to death, then he goes up to the dying Kim crys like mad, and repeatidly says these thing, im sorry, i love you, and no, Kim smiles and says i love you, then she dies, Noah hugs Kim and stays like that, till he goes to sleep, but when he wakes up he won`t move,he stayed there for 4 days, untill the cops found out. there was the funeral of Kim. After that Noah was so heart broken, angry and mixed up, he went to lay in his bed and just stayed ther and didn`t even go to sleep, he didn`t talk, he just stayed there, peter and Anita tryed to make him stop this, then Anita figures out that Noah has gone through a nervous break down. Sarah trys, she lays and sleeps with him, she kisses and hugs him, doesn`t work, Sarah gets it that he is truely sick and can`t be helped, after a while Sarah is getting tired of this and tells him shes getting an eranged marriage to a guy in China, she wasn`t kidding, as sarah leaves for the airport, noah gets his senses together and goes to the airport and says the final goodbye.

one year later

noah gets mail from sarah in the mail baiclly saying sarah got out of the marriage and is going to san franciso, noah heads to san francisco, the last scene invloves the car running out of gas in a area right outside of san fransico in seeing distance, noah doesn`t wait and runs torward the city. Noah and Sarah meet at the airport, they go out and have fun. Noah and Sarah are at an itailan restraunt, Sarah is talking about how they can start over and be happy together, Noah is excited about this too, untill Radiohead's High and Dry plays on a near by radio(Kim's theme song)this painfully reminds Noah about Kim, Noah then tells Sarah they can't be together and it wouldn't be right, Sarah is upset by this and gets on her nees and begs to him, then she cries on his nees.

Final Scene: Noah and Sarah are sitting in the back of a taxi together, both are sheading tears. During this scene Radiohead's Motion Picture Soundtrack plays.

Fades out.

The End

the end

[master noam]

Also i want the main charictors to each have a different theme song in the movie, that will play.

Noah: American Pie

Sarah: Going to California by Led Zeplin

Kim: High and Dry by Radiohead

The Pimp: Me and Bobby Gee by Janis Joplin

Jude: Cookie by Limp Bizkit


those are the 5 most important charictors to the story, Peter, Anita, or Tsui aren't important enough to have their own theme song.

[master noam]

Also i want this scene where the pimp is staring at Kim from his car while she is on the streets waiting for customers, the picture of the film during this scene has a darkish blue texture to it. During this scene "oh i wish i was bullet proof" by Radiohead is playing. He looks at her in agony and pain, he feels bad that she had to live as a hooker, he wishes that when he took her in that he would give her everything in the world, yet he doesn't free her because he has fear that Kim will leave him and he will never see her again. You see The Pimp is deeply in love with Kim. It takes him lots of courage to finally free her when she finds out she is pregnant with Noah as the father, at that point The Pimp lets go of her.

[master noam]

tell me what you guys think please

[Zing!]

Sheesh - give someone a chance to reply! Did you know that if you click on the little box with the pencil you can edit your post?

Anyhoo - it sounds like you've got the story fairly well structured. It sounds like an interesting morality tale, I would HIGHLY recommend writing a detailed treatment for your story (you've already got a great start) before you begin working on a screenplay. It's good that you're thinking of what kind of music you'd like to represent each character, as that comes through in your writing. However, it's not something you typically consider this early in the game (unless you are shooting this film yourself - in which case you've got a helluva lot of legal wrangling in your future to get the rights to those songs). Generally, unless you are serving as the writer, producer, and director, you have very little say as to what songs get used on the soundtrack.

Good luck! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif

[Vinegar_Man]

well, the story's kinda pointless, but it's not bad. i like having different characters with different theme songs. i do that sometimes, but i make comedies. anyway, let me know when you get more written.

[Vinegar_Man]

by the way, there's another movie out called Xchange. please make sure your movie is better than that. that movie sucks. ok peace out.

[master noam]

bump

[master noam]

i am already starting to write this one

[master noam]

Scene notes:

In the scene where Sarah gets raped i want the song Bachelorette playing by Bjork

[The Heart Collector]

dude... put the cup of coffee DOWN.

[Jaywrx]

Not totally necessary to write your "notes" here, keep a special wordpad/mword or whatever save for that...

[Gregorious8]

Usually you don't put songs in your script. It makes your script look amateur.

[NobodySpecial]

Comments if you want them. Err, let me start over. Negative comments if you want them.

#1) Noah sucks. Sorry, but he does. You say he's not popular or a loser, he just is. Yeah, ok. That's called "vanilla", and it's the kind of person the audience doesn't give half a crap about. Arabic decent, but orthodox christian beliefs? That right there would make for an interesting story if there was some conflicted element to that about Noah, which there doesn't seem to be. Can you describe Noah in ten words or less? Is there anything about him that's interesting or unusual that would make us want to find out about anything that happens to this guy? What are his flaws? You did give him flaws, right?

#2) Sarah, Kim, Anita Chen, blah, blah, blah. Besides the obvious hangup with asians I don't really find this a compelling story. Kim the hooker is just hanging out at this party where Noah, the not-loser-not-popular-guy-who-just-is-orthodox-christian, is also at and he "unwittingly" (what?!!!!!) pays her to have sex with him, because she's just that hot. So at this point the audience probably thinks, "fuck Noah, he's a cheating loser" (oops, he's not a loser, right?). You've probably lost half your audience right there.

Screw the numbering -- look, here's the thing: you're trying to tell eight different stories in one. There are a lot of nice story ideas here, take one or two and expand on them. Believe me, don't try to cram your story with every little idea you possibly can come up with. You'll end up with a load of crap, and you'll probably run out of ideas for the next time you want to sit down and write. Pick one theme (uno) and try fleshing that out. This thing you're trying to write is just crazy. Totally crazy.

[master noam]

ummmm, i know lots of arabs who are orthodox christian, because i go to a church that is populated with them. And Noah wasn't really thinking when he fucked Kim, Kim isn't asian, shes white with dark hair with red highlights.

[NobodySpecial]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by master noam:
i know lots of arabs who are orthodox christian</font>

THAT is your problem. You know, therefore it's true, right? I assure you, just because you know "lots" of arabs who are orthodox christian does not mean that is by any means even remotely normal or standard. Which is why I said that would be an interesting story in itself to tell. Because it's something different, but that can be expanded to tell a story that has universal meaning (not fitting in, or faith, or both?).

As a story teller you have to learn to draw upon your life to construct your story, but you also have to learn to distance yourself from the story, otherwise no one else in the world will understand what you're saying (or care).

Here's another question: what's the point of your story? What is the audience supposed to walk away from it thinking or feeling? Can the audience relate to your story? Out of the, oh I don't know, two thousand arabs I've met in my life not a single one has been orthodox christian, which mean I have no idea where your guy Noah is coming from. What does it mean to be an orthodox christian arab? You've created an unusal characteristic and tried to pass it off as normal, and I'm telling you, in my honest opinion, it WON'T work. Sorry.

Nevertheless, I think you have bigger problems than your main character's ethnicity. You might want to put more thought into the story you're trying to tell, because at the end of the day that's really what a movie comes down to.

[Lazy Boy]

I agree with the above posting. You do need to concentrate more on your story, 'cause, while you may have several nice ideas, you're flooding it with too much, especially melodramatic scenes. Master Noam, you've told me some of your other ideas, and basically they all sound the same. A bunch of people have sex, get raped, get beat up, etc. You have to expand your idea, not put a whole bunch of superfluous stuff into it. Case in point, you have characters just being evil for the sake of evil, with no moral conflictions.
You have a good idea here, but you may need to rewrite it a bit.

[master noam]

Nobodyspecial, does it really matter what Noah race and Religion is? It would be just as well if he was a black pentacostal. But you need details for your characters to give them realism.

[Mr. Orange]

I think what he is saying is that

Nobody can relate to the main character which means nobody will care about what happens to him.

[Yin Yang]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by master noam:
Also i want the main charictors to each have a different theme song in the movie, that will play.

Jude: Cookie by Limp Bizkit
</font>

Nookie***

[NobodySpecial]

Two points, master noam:

#1) The ethnicity of your characters matters a whole lot. A story about a man being wrongfully accused of a crime is totally different if the man is white or if he is black. A story about Nazi's is totally different if it involves a character who is Jewish American, versus one who is Jewish German. If you don't understand what the word "character" means, then you might consider not wasting your time writing.

#2) I said:
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by NobodySpecial:
Nevertheless, I think you have bigger problems than your main character's ethnicity. You might want to put more thought into the story you're trying to tell, because at the end of the day that's really what a movie comes down to.
</font>

Which is 100% true. I think you need to flesh out your story more. Try to summerize what your story is about in five sentences or less. Is what you come up with an interesting story? Do your characters change as a result of the events in your story? Does anything happen that someone other than you will care about/relate to?

Oh hell, you know what? Just forget everything I said. What do I know? Just write your story and ignore what other people are trying to tell you. We're all stupid and you're a genius/master writer. Sell your screenplay to Dreamworks and make billions of dollars. I'm sure that's what's going to happen.

[This message has been edited by NobodySpecial (edited 08-16-2002).]

[master noam]

Ok, I am at the 50th page of Exchange, if any of you wanna read it by chance tell me and I will work faster to get it finished. It will be pretty lengthy. I estimate around the 200 page area. Right now I am on the part where Noah and Sarah are on their second date. On around page 45 Kim has her first scene, a business man (client) is talking to her. Kim goes to a bar gets drunk, go back to the apartment she lives in and gets high. She walks through the streets of Hollywood (where she mainly does business)she over doses. Noah is in the car with Sarah and they see her O.Ding on the sidewalksof sleazy Hollywood. Noah gets Kim in the car and they take her to the hospital.

If you read it you will notice there is alot of dialoge. Noah so far has spoken 2000 words. Sarah has spoken 1000 words so far. Kim has spoken 155 words so far. Jude in the 80's. Anita 390.

The script has many monologes. The Spanish Teacher has a disturbing one that is 524 words long. Business Man (one of Kim's cilents) has a 260 word long monologe. Anita had a touching monologe about how Tsui and her got married.

By the time I am done with the script every character should have at least one monologe. I am not even close to finishing, but I plan to get it done by the end of the year.