Rollerball....... (rant)

[bromy]

Rollerball is the worst movie I have seen EVER. I gave it 0.5/10 for good reason. The acting is crap, the filming is crap (10 FRIKKIN MINUTES OF NIGHT POINTLESS NIGHT VISION!), seriously it looks as if it were filmed by a bunch of 12 years that said "hey would it look kool if we did that". The editing looks like it was done by my grade 12 communications class, like shots would go from one point to another POINTLESSLY! In my only opinion the only saving grace was Paul Heyman doing commentary for the games, though it did seem like some of his lines were BLATANTLY CUT!.....

ok I'm done bye bye.

[Scarface98.9]

we feel ur pain, but wrong forum

[bromy]

oops my bad

[James Logan]

It would've been better if the studio had let John McTiernan do the flick he wanted. But they didn't, so it turned out to be crap.

[blankpage]

This film could've and should've been a sweet action flick.But first of all there was a terrible script.Then our brave leader John McTiernan didn't help a lot either.Fuck Jay and Silent Bob,I mena whoops.It didn't even appeal to the mainstream audience.But still the fine people involved can nod there heads,and still be proud.What a shame.

--blankpage

[James Logan]

Rebecca Romijn-Stamos was sexy in it, though. :p

[Jason Voorhees]

Yes, it was hideous. It's pretty sad when, in a film like this, that the ''action'' scenes are amazingly bad: considering that is usually all a film like this has to offer.

[Spoiledrichkid]

Its funny you should mention that...I actually wrote a mock script for that movie a while back. Here it is if anyone cares to read.

ROLLERBALL: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
BY SRK

FADE IN:

EXT. CITY STREETS - DAYTIME

CHRIS KLEIN races downhill on a skateboard thing through traffic.He is being chased.

EASILY IMPRESSED AUDIENCE MEMBERS
WOW!This movie is FAST-PACED and EXCITING,just like the trailer said it would be!

Suddenly LL COOL J drives up in his car.

LLCJ
Get in.

CHRIS gets in the car.

LLCJ
You DO know this movie goes downhill from here right?

CHRIS KLEIN
Nah...I'm not convinced yet.

LLCJ
OK then.Hey why don't you join me and be a player in Rollerball?

CHRIS KLEIN
What's Rollerball?

LLCJ
Its a ridiculously stupid foreign sport thats a cross between figure skating and basketball.Its also the name of this lame ass movie.

CHRIS KLEIN
Sounds good to me.

DIRECTOR JOHN MCTIERNAN unzips his fly in preparation to rape the audience in the ASS.

INT. SOME STADIUM IN EUROPE.

ROLLERBALLERS
Who the hell are you?

CHRIS KLEIN
Hi! My name is Chris Klein.I'm the new guy. My non-threatening personality will definitely suit this character.Great casting choice.

REBECCA ROMIJN
Hello.I am obviously the girl you will fall in love with,or at the very least have sex with.And by the way,I'm married...my full name is Romijn-Stamos.

WRITER SRK
Shut up.

CHRIS KLEIN
Well,should we have sex now?

REBECCA ROMIJN
Sure,I've got a minute to spare.

CHRIS KLEIN
Wait,shouldn't you be naked or at least topless?

REBECCA ROMIJN
Well, [despite the fact that I am a supermodel by profession and well accustomed to nudity,and even though I was virtually naked in X-Men] No.

CHRIS KLEIN
Damn.This movie really has no redeeming qualities.

LLCJ [Off Screen]
I TOLD YOU!

CHRIS KLEIN
Whatever.Let's play Rollerball!

They play ROLLERBALL. SUICIDAL rollerballers/stuntpeople race around and do STUNTS.People get hurt.This is ENTERTAINING.

OBNOXIOUS BLARING SOUNDTRACK
I AM UNNECCESARILY LOUD!!I WILL DEAF YOU,AND YES,I KNOW 'DEAF' IS NOT A VERB!!

AUDIENCE
OW!MY EARS!!

INT. LOCKER ROOM

REBECCA ROMIJN
CHRIS,those injuries were deliberate.

CHRIS KLEIN
How do you know?

REBECCA ROMIJN
It was caught on camera.

CHRIS KLEIN
So should we go to the surveillance room and check out the instant replay?

REBECCA ROMIJN
No need,there's computer equipment right here...in the locker room.

CHRIS KLEIN
How thoughtful.

INT. POPULAR NIGHT CLUB

FACELESS CHARACTER THAT PROGRESSES THE PLOT
CHRIS,those injuries were deliberate.Look at this helmet,the chin strap is cut.

CHRIS KLEIN
Wow F.C.T.P.T.P, it's funny how you just happen to have this helmet with you...at a club...knowing I would be here...its amazing and NOT AT ALL unrealistic. People,I think we've got ourselves a plotline.I guess I'll go talk to the boss who couldn't possibly be the culprit.

CHRIS KLEIN
The injuries were deliberate.There's corruption afoot!

BOSS JEAN RENO
So?

CHRIS KLEIN
Oh no,boss-who-couldn't-possibly-be-the-culprit,I never suspected you would be the bad guy.I must try to escape now.LL COOL J,come with me.

LLCJ
Ok.

They attempt to escape.

EXT. EUROPEAN OUTBACK COUNTRY PLACE - NIGHT

DIRECTOR JOHN MCTIERNAN [while raping audience]
For the purposes of saving money and annoying the audience,I'll be shooting this next 50 minute scene with the night-vision function on my camcorder.

He does so.This saves money and annoys the audience.

AUDIENCE
What the fu-OW!MY ASS!!

CHRIS and LL continue trying to escape.They FAIL.Since LL has used up all his screen-time,he DIES.

LLCJ [Dead]
...

BOSS JEAN RENO
Have you realized yet how much this movie sucks?

CHRIS KLEIN
Yeah,I think so.Can I go now?

BOSS JEAN RENO
No! You must play Rollerball or REBECCA dies!

CHRIS KLEIN & REBECCA ROMIJN
Shit.

They play Rollerball.The rollerballers start KILLING each other.But CHRIS survives,kills the villain and rescues the girl!

REBECCA ROMIJN
My hero!

CHRIS KLEIN
So..wanna go at it again?

REBECCA ROMIJN
Ew,no.I'm going home to my husband,John St-

WRITER SRK & CHRIS KLEIN
Shut up!

Out of NOWHERE,PINK appears.

PINK
Is it time for my cameo yet?

CHRIS KLEIN
Hey,wanna go get a drink?

PINK
Ok.

More obnoxious music blares.

END.

AUDIENCE limps out of theatre with bloody EARS and ASSES.

DIRECTOR JOHN MCTIERNAN [zipping up fly]
My work here is done.

END.AGAIN.

[Jason Voorhees]

Originally posted by Spoiledrichkid
DIRECTOR JOHN MCTIERNAN [while raping audience]
For the purposes of saving money and annoying the audience,I'll be shooting this next 50 minute scene with the night-vision function on my camcorder.

He does so.This saves money and annoys the audience.

LOL. Pretty damn funny dude! My theory on the ''Night-vision'' thing is that some paragon of humanity cut the fuckin' power to the studio in an attempt to stop the film from being completed. Unfortunately, Johnny boy found a way around it.. and a new way to torture the audience.