Schmoe's most quotable quotes.

[piroque]

Have you ever thought about compiling a book of the schmoes best quotes? It would probably sell good.

Brock's condensed version of the big-bang theory from the GOD thread would fill one good page in the book.

/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000209-3.html

[screamer581]

Man I was just read all those posts, and man it got pretty damn intense! I don't know how I missed it.....

[mafia]

This IS a good idea piroque..

[piroque]

Irene Manor's reason for the name from the topic "How and why did you chose your username"

It may not be a quote but check it out!

/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000131-2.html

[piroque]

Well, this is probably not a quote either.
It is the best one-liners I've seen in a while.

Terminators explination of the age of consent in Canada from the "Carry on Badgering" thread.

/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000127-14.html

Other suggestions would be cool.

[ak]

.

[the night watchman]

I think this is a pretty good idea, actually - though not as a book; as another part of the Emporium.

[Tuukka]

Irene's post was hilarious.

[TobyDammit]

Irene's post was coooooool man.

This is a good idea, but as Nightdude said it
should be another part of the Emporium, it just makes sense dude.

[Lindsey]

Yeah,that was pretty good! /ubb/smile.gif

[Lindsey]

Brock's was also funny! /ubb/biggrin.gif

[Cyclonus]

Click here to see one of mine...

www.joblo.com/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000397.html (/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000397.html)

[QUENTIN]

Brock's explanation to Cy(Transformers)Clonus on what the 69 sexual position is...

/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000539.html (Bottom of page)

[Cyclonus]

My statement on the virtues of Playboy...

(somewhere in the middle)

/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000080-4.html

[Irene Manor]

This would be a really good idea. I like the idea of condensing the "Best of". It would be a cool addition to the site.


The rant about Moulan Rouge (or however it's spelled) was pretty great.

[inglourious basterd]

the person that volunteers time for the effort would have a lot of mindless searching to do...seems a little difficult, but would be fun to read =)

[inglourious basterd]

By the way...who would actually buy this again? Not that im trying to be negative, but I dont really see the possibility of this becoming a bestseller. I think that it would make a little too much work...

[piroque]

Psudo
If you would put down a link to a quote in one of these topics, you would have saved someone a little of their mind.

[Ebert]

Here's one of my famous Rants about fucking movies:

/ubb/Forum8/HTML/000304.html

It's second from the bottom

[Ebert]

Here's my little run in in THE WAR ROOM with Nemesis:

*stops laughing*
EBERT:Why the fuck are you laughing?!

*turns to Nemesis*

EBERT: Did I say you could fucking laugh?!NO I DID-FUCKING-NOT! Am I clown to you?!

*I pull out a GRENADE LAUNCHER and I FIRE,blowing Nemesis to to pieces*

[nemesis]

Wow,a best of would be really great

that ain´t funny ebert,hurts my feelings

[Ebert]

sorry,I'm too violent sometimes.

HEY...WHEN THE FUCK DID I START TO ACT LIKE I WAS IN FULL HOUSE?!

[Cyclonus]

My perverted poem and Angel's response.

[Cyclonus]

An ode to Pie /ubb/biggrin.gif
--------------
Sweet, sweet pie
Sweet, tasty pie
Sweet, crisp pie

Can't get enough of it
I'm always eating it by the truckloads
I just lap away at 'em like there's no tomorrow

I just want some
I want some now
Now now now!

---------------------------------------------

That was my tribute to good old fashioned American pie! Get 'em while they're nice and hot! /ubb/wink.gif

[Angel]

Ahh, there's nothing like a warm crisp American pie that just make's you wanna very slowly pull down your zipper and fuc..... I mean eat, eat it all up.

*nervously wipes forehead*

!! man I almost got caught there !!

[Toby]

Hey Eb and Cy, why not let OTHERS decide if that are the most quotable quotes...
You might give people the idea that you are both quite full of yourself, which ,off course,you are not*cough* ...

[goddess_isis]

Hey check out Toby's quotable quote, right above this post /ubb/smile.gif

[someguy]

I wonder if I ever had a quotable quote????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????

Oh well. BTW,were you talking about me ak?

[ak]

No, it's ok, i was just talking about a guy, some guy, not you.

[someguy]

It's ok. *hugs computer*

[James Logan]

BUMP

I just found this old topic and thought it'd be funny to read some of the Schmoes's new suggestions. Fire away. :)

[RicochetShaw]

That's some nice bumpin' James, I actually remember this topic from way back when...ah, I'm getting that nostalgic feeling.


Anyways, this is one of my favorite quotes I've ever read here. You'd have to know the circumstances to fully appreciate the hilarity of the post, but here's the link...

http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1090160&highlight=dough#post1090160


The link should take you directly to his post, but if it doesn't, but if it doesn't, it's by Mick (about halfway down on the page).

[A.J. Hakari]

If a book of schmoe quotes does ever materialize, I vote to include Lynn's many C-Walk/pie/GIGLI rants.

[Jon Lyrik]

I've got a few quotes, if anyone wants to bother sifting through my huge posting history.

I'd have to say RenHoek has the best schmoe quote EVER:

"Fuck you, Warner!"

[Sugar Magnolia]

I hope I have some quotable quotes. If not, I need to get more creative, or kill some hobos, or eat some cheese, or some pie...

[Romero&Juliet]

Best schmoe Quotes?


"I'm Feel violated"

~Bad Cover Version..



"I'm Still the Town Slut!!

*Sluts It Up*"

~Stevereno. That was in the SCHMOEVILLE topic.

from a recent best/worst topic:

"No, the cun crown's all yours, love."

~Grebdron. That one made me fucking piss myself.

[Romero&Juliet]

Oh, another...

BadCover's CINEMA PEST? rant...

wicked.

[bob]

ckylandspeed on which is better, Wonder Years or Boy Meets World:


"Wonder Years to the SEX-treme!!!!"

[stevereno]

Ominous_oat

"I saw Rosie O'Donnell and a huge foreskin blob in my room once! I swear I did..."

Can you say random?

SHIVER ME TIMBERS

[Romero&Juliet]

Man, I miss Ominous_Oat SOOOOOO much!

[Lindsey]

Wow this is an old thread, I remember it pretty well actually. I'll still stand on what I said...Brock Landers will always have the best quotes. Always.

[RickySlade]

Gobble Gobble

[Toby]

Psychocandy on magician David Blaine:
Originally posted by Psychocandy
What do I think of Blaine and his stunt. I think Blaine is a self-righteous, self-mythologizing and egotistical wank-stain on the curtain of celebrity.

This year's winner!:D

[RicochetShaw]

Here's one of the SEVERAL brilliant quotes by the great BubbaStrangelove.....


This is his theory on Mulholland Drive :D

"The old people at the end where coming to get the box which represented social security benefits. In a dream world, they are happy and walking side-by-side with young people. This dream world was contained within the box and by opening it, the dream was brought out and silenced.

It was the cowboy who awakened us from the dream. He represents Reaganomics of the 80s. The lesbian stuff was all about liberal-conservatism and the potential rise of third party candidacy. The cowboy represented Western power, and the director was representing the collapse of communism due to the onslaught of capitalism. Remember that he couldn't make the movie because of the money men.

In the end though, the box is gone, and the central character finds herself in a reality where her dreams are taken from her. She can't take it anymore and becomes one more statistic in the rising number of American suicides.

There was other stuff going on too."


it's found in this thread: http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=885356&highlight=collapse+communism#post885356

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari
If a book of schmoe quotes does ever materialize, I vote to include Lynn's many C-Walk/pie/GIGLI rants.

Me too!

[Reigh Kaufman]

"And if I'm wrong, or being an asshole, or can be disproven, can I come back later and say I was just joking, or that I was making an underlaying point that was missed. Maybe I could go to a bar and stare at the biggest guy there, then when he confronts me start crying and tell him I have a lazy eye. That would make me a fucking king!!"

Bubba Strangelove in response to a 'spirited debate' we had with Beeblebrox. Just one of the many quotes that make me love the guy like a sister. A very sexy sister, with big baps.;)

[Reigh Kaufman]

"WHAT A LOAD OF FUCKING BOBBINS"

Lady Version after first viewing of Mulholland Drive. Later, someone says 'just because you didn't like it, doesn't mean it's 'poppins'. Her reply:

"Don't you take that patronising tone with me Laddo...I'll take my hand off your face!? And what the bleedin' hell does "poppins" mean!?"


Another one. This in response to Doc Holliday when she started a thread asking advice on which movie she should watch tonight. He said, "Jesus, are you incapable of deciding which movie to watch?" (he was in a bad mood that day), to which Lady Version replied:

"Can I suggest you fuck off or I'll get my dad to batter you"

It should be noted that the rules were far more relaxed in those days.


;)

[Reigh Kaufman]

In response to the question 'does anything in your life remind you of the movies', someone wrote that his mother reminded him of Mrs. Bates in 'Psycho'. BakeTheMooCow replied:

"So that would make you...Master Bates?"

[Tuukka]

Unfortunately most of the links are dead thanks to the fact that Misc forum was deleted.

Brock Landers (An ex-schmoe who was banned two years ago) still remains the king of memorable quotes, thought.

[Annie Hall]

Memories...in the corner of my mind...;)

[Grebdron]

Originally posted by Romero&Juliet
Best schmoe Quotes?


"No, the cunt crown's all yours, love."

~Grebdron. That one made me fucking piss myself.

Thanks Romero!

And I thought nobody was paying attention.

:D:D:D

[Romero&Juliet]

you kidding? that's one mother of a red-flag for schmoes: Utterance of the word "cunt" AND a snazzy put down..!

No one replied cause they're scared of BCV's dad-ddyyy.

[Grebdron]

Originally posted by Romero&Juliet
you kidding? that's one mother of a red-flag for schmoes: Utterance of the word "cunt" AND a snazzy put down..!

I might have another worthy entry in the "Arnie's Sexual Harassment" thread in Celebs.

I love me.;)

[Grim H.]

Let's see if I can't not find some good ones...

"Bad publicity is better then no publicity, although Michael Jackson's life may be reason to believe otherwise...."
-Droog989, in response to a post about Mariah Carey's fading popularity.


"I don't take orders from you. I'll post in any thread I please."
-bob, after I posted a topic in the wrong forum and told everyone to ignore it.

[Grebdron]

Even I had to laugh at this one...

Originally posted by Donnie Darko

Hey Greb, don't rag on my profession. I don't wander the alleys and knock the dicks out of your mouth, so don't troll wrestling threads and slam wrestling... kewl?

[bob]

Originally posted by Grim H.

"I don't take orders from you. I'll post in any thread I please."
-bob, after I posted a topic in the wrong forum and told everyone to ignore it.



That's what you get for trying to narc on my good time.

Also, Tuukka is right, Brock Landers was the absolute king of quotes, it's a shame he got banned.

[Toby]

.. Brock Landers was the absolute king of quotes, it's a shame he got banned.

I wonder if he still lurks the boards from time to time...
Btw, one of the reasons he got banned is that apparently a lot of his so called quotes weren't actually his, and that he copied big portions of text from another board...:confused:

[BadCoverVersion]

Originally posted by Grebdron
Thanks Romero!

And I thought nobody was paying attention.

:D:D:D

I was paying plenty attention matey...but I riiiiiiiiiiise above it...you hear me?

The fucker will RUE the day...

*Says "Whoooo" in a Rik Flair stylee in order to send the shitters up Greb.

Think on.

[BadCoverVersion]

Originally posted by Donnie Darko
Hey Greb, don't rag on my profession. I don't wander the alleys and knock the dicks out of your mouth, so don't troll wrestling threads and slam wrestling... kewl?

That's a CHOICE one...:D

[Reigh Kaufman]

Bubba has a new rant in Rant, Rant, Rant that's really rather funny - it's about Lord Of The Rings ad it made me laugh out loud. Check it out and then pray that you never have to sit next to the chucklehead;)

[Tuukka]

"Btw, one of the reasons he got banned is that apparently a lot of his so called quotes weren't actually his, and that he copied big portions of text from another board...

RE: I think you are mistaken. Thanks to his visible and controversial personality along with his huge post counts, Brock was accused of this, but nobody was ever able to offer any proof as far as I know. I was a heavy poster at the time.

Besides, he had a very original writing style, you could easily notice which posts were his even without checking the name of the poster.

Brock was banned because he started posting suicide notes in serious tone at the Misc board. These caused a lot of controversy and of course were against the rules of the board. So Joblo banned him.

BTW, we are not really allowed to discuss about things like these, so it's better we ignore all the speculations about Brock, unless we want Joblo to close this thread... Which would happen very fast.

[Grebdron]

Originally posted by BadCoverVersion
I was paying plenty attention matey...but I riiiiiiiiiiise above it...you hear me?

The fucker will RUE the day...

*Says "Whoooo" in a Rik Flair stylee in order to send the shitters up Greb.

Think on.

Eek.

[James Logan]

Originally posted by Tuukka


BTW, we are not really allowed to discuss about things like these, so it's better we ignore all the speculations about Brock, unless we want Joblo to close this thread... Which would happen very fast.

And which would be a shame too. :)

Let's get back to quotes. :)

[scottish-movie-freak]

Just once I wish I was able to say something really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really,

really

really

really

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

...smart.

[A.J. Hakari]

Arto and I have an innumerable amount of confounding in-jokes...everything from Clooney's Ass to a profanity-spewing Katharine Hepburn.

[RickySlade]

" My grandfather died in a concentration camp. He got drunk and fell off the watchtower."

Sugar Magnolias brilliant pulizter prize winning quote.

[RickySlade]

"Rick Moranis was great in Schindlers List"

The brilliant, pulizter prize winning, grammy winning, nobel peace winning, life time achievement award quote by Lynn Minmei.

[Sugar Magnolia]

"Thanks movies35"

A great quote by Mr. Slade...

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by RickySlade
"Rick Moranis was great in Schindlers List"

The brilliant, pulizter prize winning, grammy winning, nobel peace winning, life time achievement award quote by Lynn Minmei.

As Mr. McDonald's would say, "I'm Lovin' it!"

[Grim H.]

I like this quote from BadCoverVersion...

"PS: Don't roll yer eyes at me...I get horny when insulted."

[James Logan]

Originally posted by Grim H.
I like this quote from BadCoverVersion...

"PS: Don't roll yer eyes at me...I get horny when insulted."

The filthy, fuckin', bitchin' cunt!

Oh, and Lady Version...kiddin'. Except if that really made ya horny...in that case, take a paper, and write: 555-...

;)

[blankpage]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
"Thanks movies35"

A great quote by Mr. Slade...


LOL, yeah.


Here's a funny one by Slade:


(Stupidest Comments someone said about a movie):

Uptown Girls- 8/10



Sugar always has something funny to say..... he's always in da house....horn dog... ;)

[arto_j]

Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari
Arto and I have an innumerable amount of confounding in-jokes...everything from Clooney's Ass to a profanity-spewing Katharine Hepburn.

Don't forget them pancakes ;)

[someguy]

I nominate for me and Lynn's confusing ebonics fight in the thread for House of the Dead located here:

http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=63594&perpage=50&pagenumber=2

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by someguy
I nominate for me and Lynn's confusing ebonics fight in the thread for House of the Dead located here:

http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=63594&perpage=50&pagenumber=2

Mmm-mmm...Thems some good bean dip.

[MarkItZero]

Originally posted by Donnie Darko
Hey Greb, don't rag on my profession. I don't wander the alleys and knock the dicks out of your mouth, so don't troll wrestling threads and slam wrestling... kewl?

Originally posted by RickySlade
" My grandfather died in a concentration camp. He got drunk and fell off the watchtower."

Sugar Magnolias brilliant pulizter prize winning quote.


You guys are gonna get me in trouble at work. People keep walking by my office and wonder why I am laughing at my "spreadsheet".

[BadCoverVersion]

Originally posted by Grim H.
I like this quote from BadCoverVersion...

"PS: Don't roll yer eyes at me...I get horny when insulted."

:rolleyes:

Woo-hah!

I turn my muthafuckin' self on.

[Grebdron]

Here's a nice one...

Originally posted by quoth_the_raven
The Essential Vin Diesel...

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.


;):D

[quoth_the_raven]

not my best work, but no one knows where i left that on here lol ;)

but its nice to have some recognition. i'd like to thank my stylist, my parents, god and so on. but i am not going to...i did it...its mine...all miiiiiiine!

;)

[A.J. Hakari]

On the subject of Mr. Quoth, I nominate this little ditty:

"MY girlfriend is a huge fantasy and sci-fi nut. so yes. i've come across one fan girl...

interpret that last sentence however you like ;):D"

[JCR]

I usually go against the grain, but here I'm gonna have to go with BCV like most other people:

teenkiller: FUKC RAP, HIP HOP, AND R&B!! I HATE THEM!! I am glad that two pack, bighead smalls, and aliya are DEAD! I hope the rest of them follow for contributing to genres that annoy the fukc out of me. Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.

BadCoverVersion: Chug chug chug chug.

teenkiller: Sorry. Not trying to pick an argument with you or anything but I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.


Made me laugh :D

[quoth_the_raven]

Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari
On the subject of Mr. Quoth, I nominate this little ditty:

"MY girlfriend is a huge fantasy and sci-fi nut. so yes. i've come across one fan girl...

interpret that last sentence however you like ;):D"



ohh my. fame at last ;)

[Reigh Kaufman]

I know how bad it is to nominate yourself, but me and Lady Version were actually in tears at our shenanigans in the Movie Tournaments forum, whereby we both decided to have the shortest tournament ever, so posted a thread called 'The Tournament That Is Shorter Than Ric Shaw's Tournament' and nominated just two films...Godfather Vs Pokemon: The First Movie...

I posted the thread, she posted 'Pokeyman' and I quickly closed the tournament, thereby ensuring that it was the shortest tournament on the site. I know you guys might not appreciate it, but it took us about 45 minutes to stop giggling at that and is just one of the reasons we get on so well. She's a great bird and I cannot wait for her to visit so we can get on the karaoke...which is not a private joke in the location beneath our avatars, we REALLY ARE going to a karaoke bar to sing.

*wanders off whistling the theme music to The Golden Girls 'Thank You For Being A Friend'*
;)

[Grim H.]

Here's a quote from RickySlade, taken completely out of context of course...:D

"YES! The Pussy Wagon is mine."


Think about that for a sec...:D

[The Postmaster General]

There was this schmoe who was flamming people about VHS being better than DVD. He only lasted 15 posts, and we all paid tribute to him.



Originally posted by Moviefan1234
He probably got banned for his little indirect insults. Too bad, it could have been a good discussion if he had gone about it a better way.


Originally posted by Lyle Waggoner
There was a better way to go about it? You have to admit, it was a thrilling ride, and I think of this thread as jaw2929's parting gift to us schmoes.

I know I'll be keeping the faith.

http://www.joblo.com/forums/images/avatars/silentbob.gif
"Thats what the fuck I am talkin about, VHS ROCKS ASSHOLE!"

R.I.P, jaw2929, old buddy. They may take away your life, but they'll never take away your freedom.


Originally posted by BubbaStrangelove
That was poignant man.


(pours a 40 on the curb)


http://www.jadedesigns.org/midigarden/endoftheroad.mid



Originally posted by bigred760
Amen brother, amen.





I believe this to at least be one of the most odd moments I can remember.

[Corpse Candle]

This thread is great just shows that there are somw witty schmoes out there and some stupid ones too:p

It almost makes me wish that I said something clever once....nope I can't think of a single line.;)

[The Postmaster General]

dude, how the fuck can you knock Gary Busey's teeth? Don't you know anything? If there were a nuclear war today, all that would survive would be roaches, and Gary Busey's teeth!

It seriousy pisses me off, that someone would not understand the powerhouse, full-fledged fighting force that is Gary Busey's teeth.

Shame on you! Shame! Shame! Shame!\

I was once trapped in the desert, and you know how I survived? Huh? I survived by imagining how Gary's Busey's teeth would survive!

and you dare say that he teeth shall'nt be crystal white.

give me a tooth that lay inside the mouth of Busey, and thee shall see a tooth most magnificent!

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by BubbaStrangelove
dude, how the fuck can you knock Gary Busey's teeth? Don't you know anything? If there were a nuclear war today, all that would survive would be roaches, and Gary Busey's teeth!

It seriousy pisses me off, that someone would not understand the powerhouse, full-fledged fighting force that is Gary Busey's teeth.

Shame on you! Shame! Shame! Shame!\

I was once trapped in the desert, and you know how I survived? Huh? I survived by imagining how Gary's Busey's teeth would survive!

and you dare say that he teeth shall'nt be crystal white.

give me a tooth that lay inside the mouth of Busey, and thee shall see a tooth most magnificent!

This IS a funny post, but in the wrong topic. Accidents are golden here :D

[The Postmaster General]

Originally posted by Lynn Minmei
This IS a funny post, but in the wrong topic. Accidents are golden here :D



Huh?


You must be stoned, because this time I'm sober.

[Lynn Minmei]

Yeah, whoops, I thought you were talking about that Chiclet teeth topic in Rant, Rant, Rant. Since you were talking about teeth. Darn it.

[The Postmaster General]

Yeah, that's what happens when you try to slip one of your own quotes in here without prefacing it.

Reigh is a wiser man than I.

Yes, I am no longer sober. Now to go make sense out of my Anderson/Tarantino thread.

[BadCoverVersion]

Paul Calf on Orphan Annie...

Don't you know what a hard knock life that kids had? She's a poor orthan, she's ginger, her step dad's a bald eagle, and her dog has fleas. Give the kid a break, just leave the face alone.

Reigh Kaufman, being Reigh Kaufman...

I have weeping sores on my anus. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

BubbaStrangelove...

I mean, butter my ass, slap it, and call me Puddin'.

[James Logan]

Originally posted by BadCoverVersion


BubbaStrangelove...

I mean, butter my ass, slap it, and call me Puddin'.

WOW. Total déjà vu.

;)

[someguy]

If there is one memorable quote from James Logan that doesn't involve sex I'll give you 5 dollars.

[James Logan]

Originally posted by someguy
If there is one memorable quote from James Logan that doesn't involve sex I'll give you 5 dollars.

:D

On a whole other note, I gotta say I kinda dig Reigh's and AxeDamn's quotes. They're just so...out there. :)

[The Postmaster General]

Originally posted by BadCoverVersion
Reigh Kaufman...

I have weeping sores on my anus. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.





Advice: Stop scratching yourself.

[bowieee]

Holy Shit I haven't laughed out loud at a post for awhile. This thread totally cheered up my day after quite a gloomy start.

[adamjohnson]

I thought I would reiterate Ron's great paragraph about Screenwriting Books.

Hey great. You know, one of my biggest dreams has been to become a painter. Can you tell me the difference between oil based paints and pastels, because once you do I can make a pretty decent painting!

Sounds pretty f'ing silly when I put it that way, doesn't it?

If being a screenwriter is your dream, great. But the next thing you have to do is ask yourself if it's a dream, like, say, winning the lottery is a dream, or is it a dream, like, say, becoming a lawyer or a doctor is a dream.

Can you explain the differnce between the liver and the heart? Because once you do, I can be a pretty good doctor.

Understand this: the path to becoming a successful screenwriter is harder than the path to becoming a doctor or a lawyer. Unless you're trying to make your living as a professional athlete, you will probably never attempt anything that is as competitive as screenwriting.

If you aren't prepared for that, if pursuing your dream is, for you, spending a few hours a week typing at your word processor and calling yourself a writer, then consider the dream to be pretty much the same as the dream of winning the lottery: you better make other plans.

If you are prepared for that, however, you better start learning the ropes. You've found this board-- that's good. You asked a stupid question-- that's okay, everybody gets one free pass.

But if you are serious about this, you will go purchase Field's "Screenplay" and Trottier's "The Screenwriter's Bible."Read them cover-to-cover more than once.

[Grim H.]

Originally posted by someguy
If there is one memorable quote from James Logan that doesn't involve sex I'll give you 5 dollars.

on the screener ban..."This ban is ridiculously fuckin' stupid. The dude who came up with the idea (and that means you too, Valenti) should put a shotgun up his ass, load it with pointy diamond bullets, and pull the trigger until he can feel his guts tickling his throat. Bitch."

Pay up, biotch!:D

[someguy]

Originally posted by Grim H.
on the screener ban..."This ban is ridiculously fuckin' stupid. The dude who came up with the idea (and that means you too, Valenti) should put a shotgun up his ass, load it with pointy diamond bullets, and pull the trigger until he can feel his guts tickling his throat. Bitch."

Pay up, biotch!:D

Sorry Grim but you get nothing because the quote involves anal insertion and we know Jack would enjoy that. It's sexual.

[Grim H.]

Oh, excuses, excuses. No matter what I find, you'll find a way to turn it into an innuendo.:D

[TheDeadWalk]

**** SPOILER FOR THE HULK!!! ****


JustinKing665's TITLE thread

"I can't believe the Hulk was killed by a fuckin nerf gun"

I laughed for days upon end.

The thread lived a little over three hours.



I can't believe the hulk was killed by a fuckin nerf gun (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56078&highlight=fuckin+nerf)

Also from the same dude, chalk this one up for him... This is about Telly from the movie KIDS:

"How the fuck did this kid get laid so much? He looks like a fuckin goat and sounds like a frog. I say we find the actor who played this kid and beat his fuckin ass.

Oh yea, and fuck you Larry Clark."

Actually the more I check out his previous posts before he extinguished from the boards, the more and more hilarity there is to ensue.

[Jon Lyrik]

It is sad that RickySlade is now a former schmoe, he was a goldmine of great quotes. Thanks movies35.

I see I have not at all been nominated. :(

[James Logan]

Originally posted by Grim H.
Oh, excuses, excuses. No matter what I find, you'll find a way to turn it into an innuendo.:D

Whaddya want...I'm a horndog. ;)

[Nate6]

Originally posted by Jon Lyrik
I see I have not at all been nominated. :(

Yeah, same here. You'll get used to rejection, Jon. ;)

How sweet it is...

[someguy]

Originally posted by Nate6
Yeah, same here. You'll get used to rejection, Jon. ;)

How sweet it is...

Oh Nate I got a quote for you. Here it is:

LOL

[jackson13]

Im in your group as well fellas. We can call ourselves The Unmentionables.


Oh, wait........

[Nate6]

Originally posted by jackson13
We can call ourselves The Unmentionables.

Better not. That would involve me touching private parts, and most people have restraining orders against me.

Well, we're dragging this really off-topic...

[Jon Lyrik]

http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1147144#post1147144

Best. Quote. EVER!

Did I just say that about dh1989? :eek:

[Grim H.]

fine, fine Here's another one...after BVC complained in the thread about people blocking your view in theatres, that someone may only be in your way for one, two seconds tops....

"Depends...one of my friends is what they call "horizontally-challenged", and he can block out the view of the whole audience for a good 10 minutes while he goes to piss." -James Logan

NOW pay up....bi-otch :D

[someguy]

I'm sorry. The word piss involves a penis and that's a sex organ so try harder.

[Grim H.]

Well, while piss does involve the penis, it involves in a nonsexual way. Taking a piss has nothing to do with sex. Just because you use your penis to take a piss does not mean there is any sexual context included..so pay up, I know where you live...

[Damned Martian]

Originally posted by Grim H.
Well, while piss does involve the penis, it involves in a nonsexual way. Taking a piss has nothing to do with sex. Just because you use your penis to take a piss does not mean there is any sexual context included..so pay up, I know where you live... A view of Pepi, Luci, Bom y Otras Chicas del Monton (Almodovar's first movie) and Bitter Moon (directed by Polanski) will end with that belief :p

[TheDeadWalk]

Taking a piss has nothing to do with sex.

Go to your local porn shop and check out "Granny takes a tinkle", and then tell me that line again.

[Grim H.]

Well, you can argue that any daily activity can be put into sexual context (food, etc). That doesn't necessarily mean that they are always based on sexual context. Taking a piss, by yourself, in a bathroom, into a toilet, has no sexual overtones, it's just a daily activity...now please, can someguy pay me my five dollars and we can move on...:D

[someguy]

No. I think you have to understand Grim that every quote from James is connected to sex in six ways or less. Six Degrees of James Logan so to say.

[Grim H.]

You don't have my money, do you someguy?

[someguy]

I do. It's right here:

http://www.magical-tricks.com/billtranspo.jpg

I took a picture of both sides just to show you.

:D

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by TheDeadWalk
**** SPOILER FOR THE HULK!!! ****


JustinKing665's TITLE thread

"I can't believe the Hulk was killed by a fuckin nerf gun"

I laughed for days upon end.

The thread lived a little over three hours.



I can't believe the hulk was killed by a fuckin nerf gun (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56078&highlight=fuckin+nerf)

Also from the same dude, chalk this one up for him... This is about Telly from the movie KIDS:

"How the fuck did this kid get laid so much? He looks like a fuckin goat and sounds like a frog. I say we find the actor who played this kid and beat his fuckin ass.

Oh yea, and fuck you Larry Clark."

Actually the more I check out his previous posts before he extinguished from the boards, the more and more hilarity there is to ensue.

Justin King was a real bastard. But he was pretty funny.

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by someguy
Oh Nate I got a quote for you. Here it is:

LOL

Oh, definitely. Usually that's all I hear out of Nate's mouth in the chat.

[A.J. Hakari]

Originally posted by Lynn Minmei
Oh, definitely. Usually that's all I hear out of Nate's mouth in the chat.

Really? I usually see a lot of "ROFLMAO" and "AJ, that is profoundly disturbing."

[jackson13]

Originall posted by James Logan in the 'Worst Sports Franchise Ever' thread:

"The Clippers and the Nuggets. For the simple reason their managers and owners seem to like keeping their money and losing better than spending it and winning..."


Aboslutely no reference to any type of sex or anything even remotely being in the context of sexuality, or being connected.


I'll take my money now damn it! :D

[someguy]

Let me think on that one. Doesn't seem very memorable to me. :D

[jackson13]

It exists. Go to the sports forum and see for yourself.


If I dont get my money I will declare shenanigans!

[Grim H.]

Screw you, Jackson...that money is mine...I know it, you know it, SOMEGUY knows it, the american people know it..(and some canadian people too I think):D

[Sugar Magnolia]

Originally posted by Grim H.
I know it, you know it, SOMEGUY knows it, the american people know it..(and some canadian people too I think):D

...Bob Dole knows it...

[jackson13]

Grim I'll split it with you 75% 25%. I get 75% since I actually found a James Logan quote that has nothing to do with nor can be connected to sex, and I'll give to 25% just because Im a nice guy and I appreciate all the effort you put into trying to find one, and also to make up for the fact that I swept in out of nowhere and took what possibly could have been your jackpot.






Ahh screw that, the money is all mine you greedy jealous bastard!! ;)

[Sugar Magnolia]

All right Jack, if someguy ever gives you the money, I'll duel you for it...

[Sugar Magnolia]

Ya know, I just looked at The Deadwalk's post again and I was inspired to look at Justinking's posts again. In doing so, I realized that the man was an absolute GENIUS...

This thread here... (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=56523)

This one too... (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=56451&perpage=40&pagenumber=1)

This one(I also must mention that QUENTIN's post here is absolutley brilliant)... (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=55870)

"I love cheetos, cheetos are the opposite of gay."

The title of this thread... (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=55003)

"I think we should just ban people from having children to begin with. Children are like cows, they are only good for eating."

In the 'Describe The Matrix in ONE Word' thread: "Pants"




Also, anyone remember commandant? The guy would usually say a lot of stuff that didn't make any sense, but he was hilarious...

[RicochetShaw]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia



Also, anyone remember commandant? The guy would usually say a lot of stuff that didn't make any sense, but he was hilarious...


*LOL*..... I sure do, that guy would ramble by himself five posts at a time, just speaking nonsense... but it was great! :D



Here's a prime example (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=807338&highlight=moviefan#post807338)



Here's another goodie (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=806761&highlight=gamertag#post806761)

[jackson13]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
All right Jack, if someguy ever gives you the money, I'll duel you for it...


Alright, I'll roshambo you for it. I kick first!

[Grim H.]

Guys, there's only one way we can solve this...a fight to the DEATH...weapon of choice (no guns)...I choose a katana...:D

You will be....

http://www.dfoggknives.com/images/katana.jpg



OWNED!

That five dollars is mine!

[arto_j]

Originally posted by jackson13
"The Clippers and the Nuggets. For the simple reason their managers and owners seem to like keeping their money and losing better than spending it and winning..."



Mr. Logan is obviously talking in his usual code language here. The "nuggets" in question are obviously testicals, and the "owner who likes to keep his money" is a "Clipper" who wants to keep his money, ie. not pay for sex. Which means that he'll "lose", since he won't be getting any. Obvious.

[someguy]

All I can say arto is merci.

[jackson13]

Alright, thats it, I warned you guys:






SHENANIGANS!

[James Logan]

Originally posted by arto_j
Mr. Logan is obviously talking in his usual code language here. The "nuggets" in question are obviously testicals, and the "owner who likes to keep his money" is a "Clipper" who wants to keep his money, ie. not pay for sex. Which means that he'll "lose", since he won't be getting any. Obvious.

Jesus H. Christ, this man...KNOWS me! :eek:

;) Listen, folks, as much as I appreciate the attention, we better get back to memorable quotes...if this topic turns into a full-out "let's-fight-to-death-to-see-who-deserves-the-money-attributed-to-He-who-has-found-a-Logan-quote-with-no-sex" debate, you know Jo'll have to close it...and no one wants to see that happen, now do we?

So, until I actually say something memorable...let me out of this. Although Grim is right, I think those two quotes of mine are indeed funny... ;)

Now...gotta go, I'm paying for the hour.

*unbuckles belt and returns to bedroom where prostitute awaits*

[TheDeadWalk]

Here's another JustinKing665 classic.

Bambi Vs. Godzilla, The ultimate battle (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56626)

It's hard to believe that I've been an ass on here for almost a year now, and can't get one fucking quote nominated. Infamy is such a lonely place... :)

[Tom Samborski]

"I have a hockey card collection people say is a waste of money. I tell them to fuck off."- outsyder in the DVD collecton rant in the Rant,Rant,Rant forum.

So simple, yet so funny!

[CyclicNightmare]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
Yo, Gandhi is the pimpinest pimp that ever pimped, dawg. Don't disagree or he'll come over there and bitch-slap you. Aight?

[CyclicNightmare]

Originally posted by QUENTIN
Wait...what?

[takes a really fucking big hit]

Oh yeah, I get it... True man, true.
Quentin's response to a new thread which someone posted by accident. Found HERE (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=64730).

[TheDeadWalk]

Another Justin King classic.

Jason Vs. A goddamn poodle (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=907575#post907575)

I think Jason would fuck that puppy up but that's just my worthless opinion.

[CyclicNightmare]

JustinKing665 is the FUNNIEST schmoe EVER. I kid you not.

[TheDeadWalk]

Originally posted by CyclicNightmare
JustinKing665 is the FUNNIEST schmoe EVER. I kid you not.

We should make him a belt or something. Maybe a shoe.

[someguy]

How about a god damned poodle?

[Sugar Magnolia]

How about yo mama?

[blankpage]

Watch yoself, foo'!

[Damned Martian]

Originally posted by Nate6
If Ghost Ship is scary, then I'm Anne Heche.

:D

[Lynn Minmei]

I nominate this BRILLIANT post by...me. No one read it, but it's great nonetheless.

Originally posted by Lynn Minmei
RECIPE FOR: Gigli

DIRECTIONS:

Add 1 part actors who play lovers, but come off as hating each other

Add 1 part potential for movie to be good, but the lurking suspicion that the film will be terrible

Add 2 parts annoying TV spots and Trailer that just does not work

Add 1 part director who has made great movies, but has not done anything good recently

Add 3/4 crowded movie market with other movies to see

Add 1/4 movie that people would rather see than this current movie

Add 1 part actress who has annoyed everyone

Add 1 part actor whose last movie wasn't as good as it should have been

Mix together by stirring in a circular motion for 2 minutes.

Place in refrigerator while trying to come up with name.

Delay for one year trying to find a week to release.


Serves Approx. $5 Million



This is how Gigli was cooked up, and hey, isn't this recipe just like that dish of Duplex?

[blankpage]

Lynn, you're one helluva funny S.O.B.



.........
.............................. ORGY TIME!!!!

[Lynn Minmei]

Mmm...Orgies are fine, but I'm funnier.

[Lynn Minmei]

Another gem of mine(Humble-ness is for the weak):

Originally posted by Lynn Minmei
When I see a scary movie, I usually follow it like House of Pain told me to:

"JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!"

[CyclicNightmare]

Raise your hand if you think Lynn is funny.





I didn't think so.

[someguy]

Originally posted by CyclicNightmare
Raise your hand if you think Lynn is funny.





I didn't think so.

Well it's better than JustinKing.

[Moviefan1234]

Originally posted by CyclicNightmare
Raise your hand if you think Lynn is funny.





I didn't think so.

*Raises hand*

;)

[Sugar Magnolia]

*Cuts off hand*

[Sugar Magnolia]

Originally posted by RickySlade
Please, just die now before you come up with more ideas like this.

[CyclicNightmare]

Originally posted by someguy
Well it's better than JustinKing.
BLASPHEMY!! But I should really watch what I say. I got in trouble for creating a thread to praise JustinKiing665 already.

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
I heard a rumor that the sun was in a mental hospital when he was a kid 'cause he killed his parents and someday he's gonna come to the boards and BAM BAM BAM....Yeah, the sun's crazy...

Then again, anything quote from Lynn or Sugar is sheer brilliance.

Same with Bubba and The Claw.

[APzombie]

:D :D :D

I think this has to be the funniest thread ever, alot of the best quotes are coming from here.

[APzombie]

This has to be one of James Logans best quotes ever...

In responce to banging teenagers and not going to prison in England (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=65686)....

Come to France...ya can bang pretty much anyone as long as the word "yes" is uttered somewhere along the conversation.

Dude: "Hey babe, wanna fuck?"
15-year old: "What?"
Dude: "I said do you want some gum?"
15-year old: "Yeah!"
Dude: *unzips pants and gets down to business*

:D lmao

[James Logan]

*Italian accent*

AP, AP...you are too good!

[Jon Lyrik]

http://joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1164610#post1164610

Brilliant! I agree, AP!

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
Yo, Gandhi is the pimpinest pimp that ever pimped, dawg. Don't disagree or he'll come over there and bitch-slap you. Aight?

Truly the best schmoe quote ever.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Awwwww, Lyrik loves me. Hug...

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
Awwwww, Lyrik loves me. Hug...

No.

Maybe if you were Lindsey or Annie Hall or one of the lay-dees.

No birthday gift for you, though! :mad:

[Lindsey]

Originally posted by Jon Lyrik
Maybe if you were Lindsey

Nah. I'd give you more than a hug, baby! :D

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Lindsey
Nah. I'd give you more than a hug, baby! :D

I'm under the impression I'm being hit on.

[someguy]

Originally posted by Lindsey
Nah. I'd give you more than a hug, baby! :D






Bah-Chicka-Wah-Wah!

[Lindsey]

Originally posted by Jon Lyrik
I'm under the impression I'm being hit on.

Hahaha, you? Neeeeever. ;)

someguy? Now there's someone to hit on.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Hold on, let me get my camera ready. Remember linds, your TV is broken and you don't know how to fix it. So, you call the repairman, played by Jon. Jon, you're rugged and sexy and you can fix Lindsey's TV better than anyone else. But, Lindsey doesn't have any money, so she can only pay you one way...

And.....Action!

[Lindsey]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
Hold on, let me get my camera ready. Remember linds, your TV is broken and you don't know how to fix it. So, you call the repairman, played by Jon. Jon, you're rugged and sexy and you can fix Lindsey's TV better than anyone else. But, Lindsey doesn't have any money, so she can only pay you one way...

And.....Action!

I think that's the funniest thing I've read all day..!!!

[Sugar Magnolia]

Where'd Lyrik go? I hope he's not having any problems getting prepared...

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
Where'd Lyrik go? I hope he's not having any problems getting prepared...

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Here I am.

You got yourself a new quotable quote.

Lyrik Certified!

[Sugar Magnolia]

Good to know you're all man, Jon. Now, you both remember your lines, right? Good. Well, let's get this thing started...

[Lynn Minmei]

To get this topic back on-topic, here's another Lynn Minmei gem:

Me describing what Lindsey Lohan looks like now:

Originally posted by Lynn Minmei
Remember that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer used butter to tan himself and ended up smelling and looking like a cooked turkey?

[Grim H.]

Fuck it, if Lynn can nominate himself, then I can....


Things I'd rather do than see this movie: (From Justin to Kelly)

1. Wash my hair with battery acid
2. Slam my dick in a drawer
3. Take out all the hair on my head one hair at a time
4. Slam my face onto a board of splinters
5. Take a bath in ice-water
6. Listen to Michael Bolton karaoke
7. Stare directly into the sun for twenty minutes
8. Shoot myself in the foot
9. Play Russian Roulette with an automatic pistol (last guy who did that won a Darwin Award!)
10. Wear a lice-infested hat for a week straight
11. Give myself an enema
12. Watch the "Lifetime" network
13. Have a bull kick me in the nuts
14. Shove a fork up my ass
15. Run into a brick wall...repeatedly
16. Drink sewage water
17. Chop my thumbs off
18. Eat nuclear waste
19. Swan-Dive into a septic tank
20. Watch Hiraldo!
21. Pull my eyes out
22. Pour hot coffee down my pants
23. Skinnydip in a shark tank
24. See naked photos of Ernest Borgnine (Bad, but not as bad as seeing the movie)
25. Put my hand in a pirahna tank
26. Wear shorts in Antarctica
27. Burn my beloved dvd collection
28. Spend 8 weeks trapped in a room with Paulie Shore
29. Wear a Confederate flag t-shirt in the ghetto
30. Stick a hot poker on my asscheek
31. Sit through another timeshare program
32. Be a human sacrifice
33. Watch C-SPAN
34. Watch a 3 hour infomercial on plastic
35. Press a hot iron onto my face
36. Super glue my hand to my face
37. Paticipate in "the running of the bulls"
38. Eat a cherry bomb
39. Insert a carniverous earwig into my brain
40. Lick a poison dart frog
41. Tape red meat to my ass and pester with the neighbor's dog
42. Wear a jellyfish for a hat
43. Drop a toaster into the bathtub with me
44. Lick a public phone
45. Have dinner with Hannibal Lecter
46. Spend the night in the snake exhibit at the zoo
47. Intentionally piss of a mafia hitman
48. Count Bill Gates's money...in pennies
49. Jump into a giant turbine
50. Eat an entire stick of butter
51. Watch a Discovery Channel special on Gnats
52. Have someone shoot me in the ass with a dartgun
53. Eat food off the floor of my High School cafeteria
54. Stand in the middle of a thunderstorm with a lightning rod
55. Wear a sweaty jock-strap for a hat
56. Drink gasoline
57. Light my hair on fire
58. Eat a six-gallon bowl of dirt
59. Receive a lap-dance from Rosie O'Donnel (ewwww!)
60. Chug a gallon of salt water
61. Eat puke flavored ice cream
62. Sit on a tack
63. Make out with a wooden plank
64. Take a nap on the railroad tracks
65. Be buried alive
66. Share a jail cell with a big guy named "Bubba"
67. Watch 293,474,638 consecutive hours of "The Real World"
68. Watch flies fuck
69. Watch Caddyshack II again (well, maybe)
70. Eat my weight in expired cheese
71. Sleep on a bed of spikes
72. Spend 5 nights in a haunted house from which no one has exited
73. Pierce my nipples with rusty nails
74. Cover myself in honey and sit on an ant colony
75. Eat a 5 year-old doughnut
76. Wear a rainbow colored shirt in the "bad" part of town
77. Eat my entire wardrobe
78. Stay on a deserted island for 5 weeks with Bobcat Goldthwait
79. Ask a biker if he's Richard Simmons
80. Be a terrorist hostage
81. Be captured by a colony of cannibals
82. Put a cuban cigar out on my ass
83. Wear my cement shoes to go swimming
84. Tattoo "loser" onto my forehead
85. Inject myself with a syringe full of air
86. Be eaten by an anaconda
87. Have Al Brooks fart on my face
88. Eat shards of glass
89. Pick a fight with someone who could obviously KILL me
90. Spend 2 hours typing up this damn list

Yeah, I know. I'm a genius:D

[Lynn Minmei]

I can nominate myself because my posts are FUNNY (Oooh, BURN!).

[RicochetShaw]

[*edit* woops

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Grim H.
Yeah, I know. I'm a genius:D

Agreed. Brilliant. Couldn't stop laughing.

Once I banged a plank of wood. One sexy biatch.

[someguy]

That plank of wood could be Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: A Carpenter's Dream

Flat as a board and easy to nail.

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by someguy
That plank of wood could be Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: A Carpenter's Dream

Flat as a board and easy to nail.

It was a chunkier plank of wood, I don't nail twigs.

[Grim H.]

Originally posted by someguy
That plank of wood could be Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: A Carpenter's Dream

Flat as a board and easy to nail.

I would say that deserves a nomination, but I think it's been said before...funny nonetheless, though

[blankpage]

Originally posted by Lynn Minmei
I can nominate myself because my posts are FUNNY (Oooh, BURN!).


You're slowly reminding me of my friends a lot.

OoooOoOOOOOooOooh, BURN!!!! ;)




Sorry.
















Spank me, please.

[Batgirl1979]

Grim that list was hilarious!

Particularly:

Lick a public phone

Cover myself in honey and sit on an ant colony

[someguy]

You should have also put on the list live in Hamilton.

Yuk yuk yuk

I like to tease Batgirl.

[A.J. Hakari]

I nominate one of my own random lines from the chat:

"Someday, I want to be known as the John McEnroe of tennis."

[blankpage]

Go to the chat, so many quotes there, you'll cream yourself twice and you won't even know it. It's that cool.

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by blankpage
Go to the chat, so many quotes there, you'll cream yourself twice and you won't even know it. It's that cool.

Dammit, I'm the Patron Saint of the chat!

http://joblo.com/chat.htm

See?!

[Grebdron]

Originally posted by blacksnake
Kill Bill Volume 1, is about a female character who is called "The Bride" during the film. The Bride, awakens from a long coma after being attacked on her wedding night by a group of assassins who killed everybody else at the wedding. Once she awakens from her coma four years later she remembers everybody who had helped kill her soon to be husband and almost her and now she is going to go and kill each one off individually. During this we also see background information of all this different assassins and learn about them. Kill Bill Volume 1, has great direction, a great screenplay, a good performance by Uma Thurman as The Bride, good original music, great cinematography, good film editing, good production design, good art direction and very good choreographed fight scenes. Director and writer Quentin Tarantino, loved the martial arts films from the 70's and wanted this film to be an ode to them and some of the movie was shot at the legendary Shaw Bros studio in Hong Kong. The Shaw Bros studio has made many martial arts films so Quentin Tarantino felt it was extremely important to work there. Also one scene in the movie was also done in black and white to tame the violence down a little bit so the film wouldn't get an NC-17 rating because the film is full of strong bloody violence. Kill Bill, is energetic, fun, well choreogrpahed, well directed, has lots of neat different styles in it such as a black and white fight scene and one scene done in Japanese animation, the film is smart, unpredictable and it is never boring. This is the fourth film from director Quentin Tarantino, and his first film in six years. It was worth the wait. Quentin Tarantino fans have also not been disappointed and I read several times on several movie forums about people going to see it numerouus times and younger Quentin Tarantino fans trying to sneak into theaters to see it. This is Quentin Tarantino's best film since his second film Pulp Fiction. Kill Bill, is a lot of fun and I would consider it a masterpiece and I think it is one of the best films of this year so far. I personally can't wait till February, to see Kill Bill Volume 2.


Originally posted by thedude4life360
paragraphs are your friend...

This little gem (from a newbie no less) really cracked me up.

[Lynn Minmei]

I'd like to point out this pearl from Reigh, because it sums up so many posts that are made here:

Originally posted by Reigh Kaufman
You know those threads where people don't like a director but they come in anyway, just to say 'I don't like this director and I have no intentions of seeing this movie'?. And then those other threads, where people say something like 'I won't see this film but I KNOW it will be the biggest pile of shit ever'...then people get all mad and say stuff like 'how can you say that without seeing the movie, that makes no sense, why did you bother to post here?'. Then the poster replies and says 'this is a discussion board last time I checked', and then it gets all very tense. Yeah, know those threads? Well I don't like Tim Burton's movies and I have no intention of seeing this film. I also think it will be the biggest pile of shit this year.

End transmission.




:)

[Grim H.]

This just proves that Reigh is a fucking genius!:D The "end transmission" thing is what did it for me!

[CyclicNightmare]

Originally posted by RicochetShaw
[*edit* woops
OMG!!! THIS IS THE FUCKING FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! OMG!!!!

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Grim H.
Fuck it, if Lynn can nominate himself, then I can....


Things I'd rather do than see this movie: (From Justin to Kelly)

1. Wash my hair with battery acid
2. Slam my dick in a drawer
3. Take out all the hair on my head one hair at a time
4. Slam my face onto a board of splinters
5. Take a bath in ice-water
6. Listen to Michael Bolton karaoke
7. Stare directly into the sun for twenty minutes
8. Shoot myself in the foot
9. Play Russian Roulette with an automatic pistol (last guy who did that won a Darwin Award!)
10. Wear a lice-infested hat for a week straight
11. Give myself an enema
12. Watch the "Lifetime" network
13. Have a bull kick me in the nuts
14. Shove a fork up my ass
15. Run into a brick wall...repeatedly
16. Drink sewage water
17. Chop my thumbs off
18. Eat nuclear waste
19. Swan-Dive into a septic tank
20. Watch Hiraldo!
21. Pull my eyes out
22. Pour hot coffee down my pants
23. Skinnydip in a shark tank
24. See naked photos of Ernest Borgnine (Bad, but not as bad as seeing the movie)
25. Put my hand in a pirahna tank
26. Wear shorts in Antarctica
27. Burn my beloved dvd collection
28. Spend 8 weeks trapped in a room with Paulie Shore
29. Wear a Confederate flag t-shirt in the ghetto
30. Stick a hot poker on my asscheek
31. Sit through another timeshare program
32. Be a human sacrifice
33. Watch C-SPAN
34. Watch a 3 hour infomercial on plastic
35. Press a hot iron onto my face
36. Super glue my hand to my face
37. Paticipate in "the running of the bulls"
38. Eat a cherry bomb
39. Insert a carniverous earwig into my brain
40. Lick a poison dart frog
41. Tape red meat to my ass and pester with the neighbor's dog
42. Wear a jellyfish for a hat
43. Drop a toaster into the bathtub with me
44. Lick a public phone
45. Have dinner with Hannibal Lecter
46. Spend the night in the snake exhibit at the zoo
47. Intentionally piss of a mafia hitman
48. Count Bill Gates's money...in pennies
49. Jump into a giant turbine
50. Eat an entire stick of butter
51. Watch a Discovery Channel special on Gnats
52. Have someone shoot me in the ass with a dartgun
53. Eat food off the floor of my High School cafeteria
54. Stand in the middle of a thunderstorm with a lightning rod
55. Wear a sweaty jock-strap for a hat
56. Drink gasoline
57. Light my hair on fire
58. Eat a six-gallon bowl of dirt
59. Receive a lap-dance from Rosie O'Donnel (ewwww!)
60. Chug a gallon of salt water
61. Eat puke flavored ice cream
62. Sit on a tack
63. Make out with a wooden plank
64. Take a nap on the railroad tracks
65. Be buried alive
66. Share a jail cell with a big guy named "Bubba"
67. Watch 293,474,638 consecutive hours of "The Real World"
68. Watch flies fuck
69. Watch Caddyshack II again (well, maybe)
70. Eat my weight in expired cheese
71. Sleep on a bed of spikes
72. Spend 5 nights in a haunted house from which no one has exited
73. Pierce my nipples with rusty nails
74. Cover myself in honey and sit on an ant colony
75. Eat a 5 year-old doughnut
76. Wear a rainbow colored shirt in the "bad" part of town
77. Eat my entire wardrobe
78. Stay on a deserted island for 5 weeks with Bobcat Goldthwait
79. Ask a biker if he's Richard Simmons
80. Be a terrorist hostage
81. Be captured by a colony of cannibals
82. Put a cuban cigar out on my ass
83. Wear my cement shoes to go swimming
84. Tattoo "loser" onto my forehead
85. Inject myself with a syringe full of air
86. Be eaten by an anaconda
87. Have Al Brooks fart on my face
88. Eat shards of glass
89. Pick a fight with someone who could obviously KILL me
90. Spend 2 hours typing up this damn list

Yeah, I know. I'm a genius:D

I literally pissed myself.

Pardon me, gotta change.

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by TheDeadWalk
Peter Washington (Dawn of the dead)

With the only other female around being knocked up and attached to another lead character, you cannot help but feel sorry for him and his possibility of never being able to put that Alabama blacksnake to use again.

Oh. My. God.

[Grim H.]

Here's a new one from moviemuffin...

Most people are morons. I hate saying that, because it's a blatant and sweeping statement, but there you have it. Flame away.

The truth of the matter is the general public is, on average, a gigantic, festering, steamy cancer on the intellect of humanity.

Yep, you're right. But then, consider... these are actually just retail sales people. They don't really have to have any background to get a job at the local DVD/Video Palace other than a good recommendation from the guy at Chucky Cheese, who hated to see Junior go. But shit, Junior's gal Suzy works at the Cookie Shack right across from the DVD/Video Palace, so he applied there.

Spit upon Junior. He is an asshole. It's not his fault, his parents raised him on the Disney Channel and Ted Turner's version of what used to be good.

Find the kid dressed all in black, literally magnetized with multiple piercings, sporting the scariest fucking hairdo you have ever seen and a pot leaf necklace. He or she (you won't be able to tell) will be black eye-linered and sullen.

THAT kid sat behind me the other night at a midnight showing of old Vincent Price classics at the Coolidge Corner theater. THAT kid has Mulholland Drive on DVD and has never seen anything starring Meg Ryan.

He/She'll show you where they hide the cool shit.

[blankpage]

I cracked up reading this post. Brilliant post by FeverDog, but you have to read MallratsJunkie's post first to truly appreciate it all.


Originally posted by MallratsJunkie

So my dad had a double bypass about 2 years ago, everything was fine. Then a few months ago he started admitting himself at the ER constantly, at least once a week. He'll freak out about getting dizzy, or a chill, anything that we normally feel all the time, he'll have an anxiety attack about.

Anyway... I work fucking 7 days a week at hollywood video, I rarely have a night off. My one day off for the next 3 weeks, I go with a few friends to finally see the new matrix. Halfway through the movie, right when the 2nd drill hits, I get a call from his girlfriend saying that he was just taken to the hospital. So I sit there for another 15 minutes, trying to watch the one movie I've actually wanted to see this year, and then finally leave. Get to the hospital, and there he is laying on a fucking stretcher with his legs crossed... I ask whats wrong... He says that the hair on his arm stood up because he got a chill.... I wanted to swing the adjustable tv into his face.... Just had to rant about this... Now I have to goto work.


Originally posted by FeverDog420

Wait, you took a cell call during a movie?!? :mad:

[CyclicNightmare]

Ares offers Adam some good advice in dealing with finding time to write after he'd just moved in with his girlfriend. ;)

Originally posted by Ares2907
Then get her to kneel in front of you while you're typing. At least then you're guaranteed twenty minutes of silence ;-)
Another choice quote from the same thread. Ares again.
Originally posted by Ares2907
Stolen from South Park
If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like
'Hey why don't you stop . . .dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my Dad's bed. . .'

EDIT: I'm leaving the quote directly above just so I can point out that Ares didn't really say it. He stole it from South Park as Jackson13 pointed out. Still funny, not original.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Oh Jesus, this is hilarious... (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=1186714#post1186714)

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
Oh Jesus, this is hilarious... (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=1186714#post1186714)

It's the best thread on general right now. If anyone else posts in it, I may have to wear diapers.

[Moviefan1234]

Originally posted by Sugar Magnolia
Oh Jesus, this is hilarious... (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=1186714#post1186714)

Good stuff. :D

[Grebdron]

Who is this squirrell X person.

I think me likey.:D:D:D

[MarkItZero]

Originally posted by Grebdron
Who is this squirrell X person.

I think me likey.:D:D:D

Yeah, hopefully Squirrell makes it past 30 posts without getting banned!

[jackson13]

Originally posted by Ares2907
If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like
'Hey why don't you stop . . .dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my Dad's bed. . .'


Such a shame that this is actualy a quote from Eric Cartman on an episode from the first season of South Park.

It just bothers me when someone says 'hey im gonna be funny and original' and then copies something word for word from somewhere else.


Plagarism is evil!

[TheDeadWalk]

Originally posted by Grebdron
Who is this squirrell X person.

I think me likey.:D:D:D

Funny stuff. Ironic though is that BorderEvilIII is defending his honor in that topic by replying six times about how he really rented those movies at the library, yet in this forum he made a thread about cheating at post counts.

All to protect his lie. Sheesh.

[BorderEevilIII]

(stumbles in )

Talking about me arent we?

Well this Squirrel person I dunno what trip this schmoe is on. And I already communiated w/ the other schmoe on this matter. Yes this thread I created is a classic I guess but you rub me the wrong way by the suggestion that I am a LIAR (and also no -----> ;) indication )then I am just gonna stop there. :D


(toodles out)

[Grebdron]

Originally posted by BorderEevilIII
(stumbles in )

Talking about me arent we?

Well this Squirrel person I dunno what trip this schmoe is on. And I already communiated w/ the other schmoe on this matter. Yes this thread I created is a classic I guess but you rub me the wrong way by the suggestion that I am a LIAR (and also no -----> ;) indication )then I am just gonna stop there. :D


(toodles out)

It's all good, BE. I choose to believe squirell was joking. If I thought he was serious...you know I'd have your back.

[BadCoverVersion]

No offence Border...but if you'd simply joined in with the joviality we'd have reckoned you a top duder and all. 'Tis a shame you've jumped on the defensive when it's plain to see your fellow schmoe was merely 'bantering'.

I dunno...maybe it's me, but I can't fathom the big hoo-hah about a bit of playful verbal sparring...FUNNY AS FUCK sparring might I add!

[BorderEevilIII]

The first post did'nt bother me but when you are CONSTANTLY shoving the same words in a 2nd & 3rd reply I will fight right back but in a sense, that would be acting childish.

[Grebdron]

That's the thing, BE. He only kept posting LIAR in caps cause he was obviously getting your goat.

Roll with it, baby.

[Batgirl1979]

I am sorry but I tend to agree with what Borderevil is saying. Cyclic's posts were indeed funny and he did apologize for teasing but I think that Squirrel_X took it a bit too far when he/she saw how upset Border was getting over it. I also agree without the winking smilie it is easy to mistake a joke for an insult. Just my two cents.

[SkyNet]

i usually dont post in threads that are over 3 pages long but i have to say... that thread with Squirrel and Border Evil, is fuckin hilarious!

[CyclicNightmare]

Back to hilarious quotes:
Originally posted by Mongoose, Inc.
i like to watch DVDs more than the theater, because there is stupid fucks in the theater. if there is a stupid fuck in my house, i rape him and throw him out.

-____+_+_so most of the time, people are not stupid fucks in my house, yes indeedy+-=-++__+_

[BorderEevilIII]

thanks Batgirl. :D
I am upset fucks hell Right Nowl....
Now I am getting harassed up the ass over at rant.
What kills is schmoes is NOT backtracking what they are saying. I am sooooo tired having to jumping on constantly to defend myself, over and out............................................... .................................................. .................................................. ..................................

[SkyNet]

i didnt think you were fibbing Border dude! You are a respected schmoe round here, dont worry about some new guy!

[Grebdron]

Originally posted by BorderEevilIII
thanks Batgirl. :D
I am upset fucks hell Right Nowl....
Now I am getting harassed up the ass over at rant.
What kills is schmoes is NOT backtracking what they are saying. I am sooooo tired having to jumping on constantly to defend myself, over and out.

My advice, BE (as if you asked) is to quit defending yourself. You don't need to. Nobody really thinks you're lying.

[someguy]

I think he's lying. I can't trust a man who likes something like this:

http://www.smebbdesign.com/little_red_monkey.html

:D

[someguy]

A nomination for a quote is jolanar's quote in the outragious celeb rumours thread. After there were stories of Lil Kim,Elton John,Rod Stewart,Mick Jagger and David Bowie all getting their stomachs pumped cause there was lots of sperm in them. He replied by saying "Jeez these celbs need to learn how to spit."

:D

[Batgirl1979]

Originally posted by someguy


http://www.smebbdesign.com/little_red_monkey.html

:D



I don't know why but that was very disturbing, lol!
AND thank you for now having that little ditty stuck in my head.........:)

[someguy]

Look at the monkey funny monkey little red monkey acting so merrily look at the monkey funny monkey little red monkey cute as can be.

[CyclicNightmare]

Thanks! That is one of the most absurdly funny things I have seen in a while.

[Indiana Sev]

Originally posted by CyclicNightmare
Thanks! That is one of the most absurdly funny things I have seen in a while.

Brilliant is the right word.

This'll be haunting my dreams for the next few weeks. Damn catchy tune...

I demand they make a movie from this! :cool:

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by someguy
I think he's lying. I can't trust a man who likes something like this:

http://www.smebbdesign.com/little_red_monkey.html

:D

The damn song is stuck in my head now. Ha ha ha ha.

[daddiefatsacks]

Originally posted by CyclicNightmare
Originally posted by Mongoose, Inc.
i like to watch DVDs more than the theater, because there is stupid fucks in the theater. if there is a stupid fuck in my house, i rape him and throw him out.

-____+_+_so most of the time, people are not stupid fucks in my house, yes indeedy+-=-++__+_

hahahahaahah

[The Shootin Surgeon]

Originally posted by someguy
I think he's lying. I can't trust a man who likes something like this:

http://www.smebbdesign.com/little_red_monkey.html

:D


That Monkey is the purest definition of "funny" that there can be!!!

[TheJadedGamer]

Here is a little thing from Jess that she posted in the Music forum about Clay Akin (sp?). (I'll edit the link in here soon)


I should be nervous about being raped by an invisible Clay but for some reason, I feel safe. It's probably because I'm not a guy.

[Lynn Minmei]

Jaded, you stole my idea from the thread :)

Great quote from Jess though. Hilarious.

[Jess]

Why thank you kindly.

I'm here all week ;)

[CyclicNightmare]

Originally posted by JohnTheHenchman
Folco, you just gotta accept the fact that Kevin Smith is destined to be the next Roman Polanski.
The brilliant, hilarious reply, brought to you by someguy.
Originally posted by someguy, who else?
Better get the youngins away from him then.

[someguy]

Well thanks Cyclic. Actually here's one from you I found funny in the Career Ruining Movies thread:

Brandon Lee-The Crow

[TheJadedGamer]

Originally posted by Lynn Minmei
Jaded, you stole my idea from the thread :)

Great quote from Jess though. Hilarious.


I know I stole your idea! That is the whole point, I didn't become a level 94 thief for nothing!


Ok, I'll let you find your belongings from now on. :D

[Lynn Minmei]

This entire thread: http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=66861 is hilarious. For some reason Squirrel X hates the executive producer of the LotR trilogy and even made a picture of him as Roy Scheider in Jaws.

[Carrieattheprom]

Some of the links aren't working. No Fair! :(

[James Logan]

As Lynn praised my funnyness in the following thread...

http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1192910#post1192910

...I figured I'd give myself some publicity here. ;) And I gotta give credit where credit is due: the retard/Texas part was inspired to me by the well-known among Schmoes Robin Williams Live On Broadway stand-up show. Having said that, I think my use of it was better. ;)

[TheDeadWalk]

Originally posted by Carrieattheprom
Some of the links aren't working. No Fair! :(

Some of the links on the opening pages of this thread are well dated, dating back to when this forum had a "Miscellaneous" section of the boards. Since there's no more "Miscellaneous" forum, the two year old links no longer work.

[Carrieattheprom]

So that explains it. What's Miscelaineous?

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Carrieattheprom
So that explains it. What's Miscelaineous?

mis·cel·la·ne·ous Pronunciation Key (ms-ln-s)
adj.
Made up of a variety of parts or ingredients.
Having a variety of characteristics, abilities, or appearances.
Concerned with diverse subjects or aspects

From www.dictionary.com

[Sugar Magnolia]

Originally posted by Jon Lyrik
http://www.washington.edu/alumni/columns/june98/hitler.jpg

"Lose yourself! Heil!"

http://www.freedomforum.org/graphics/2001/06/photos/eminem.6-6-01.jpg

"Best uncle ever, fo shizznat, yo!"

Yeah, I think that's evidence for sure. Can't you see the similiarity in haircuts between the two?

From here (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=66797) ...

[someguy]

I nominate JoBlo's quote that struck fear into all schmoes on the board.

"We're cleaning house folks"

[blankpage]

I hate Ghost World Grebdron, Joblo's


Fucking hilarious! Pissed myself laughing.

[quoth_the_raven]

Originally posted by someguy

"We're cleaning house folks"



hes right. there is something pretty disturbing about the idea of Jo in his rubber gloves using a feather duster..

*shudder*

;)

[dannywalker17]

The little red monkey thing is hilarious. I was freakin' crying. My roommate was like "what is that?"

I also love this quote. Great stuff. I love this whole thread. Too bad I never said anything funny.

Originally posted by Mongoose, Inc.
i like to watch DVDs more than the theater, because there is stupid fucks in the theater. if there is a stupid fuck in my house, i rape him and throw him out.

-____+_+_so most of the time, people are not stupid fucks in my house, yes indeedy+-=-++__+_

[CyclicNightmare]

Damned martian casts his vote for a match in BorderEevilIII's Movie References Tournament:
Originally posted by damned martian
Edgar Friendly: You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, because I like to think, and I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy who'd walk into a greasy spoon and wonder -- "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of grave fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke Cuban cigars the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body reading playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the urge to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, and singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
The match was between Passenger 57 and Demolition Man.

EDIT: Dammit. I thought I had one. BorderEevilIII was just as confused as I was. I thought DM's post was random and accidental. It seems I'm a moron.

[TheDeadWalk]

Edgar Friendly: You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, because I like to think, and I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy who'd walk into a greasy spoon and wonder -- "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of grave fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke Cuban cigars the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body reading playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the urge to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, and singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

That was the ever classic line that Denis Leary had in Demolition Man... right after Stallone got his fat ass a rat burger.

[Damned Martian]

Originally posted by TheDeadWalk
That was the ever classic line that Denis Leary had in Demolition Man... right after Stallone got his fat ass a rat burger. And still, such a great quote... :D

Wait... damn! I was named for once, and it wasn't mine! :( I'm such an untalented quoter... bwaaaaaaahttp://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/sad/1/sad49.gif

[Jon Lyrik]

"Because I'm a hardass, jackass, slapass, tautass, prepass, massass, asshole, arsehole, and a donkey to boot.

It probably had soemthing to do with the word "Nudity" being in here. That and the fact that the movies were made with Charlize Theron.

Well, not really, but like I said, I'm a hardass, jackass, slapass, tautass, prepass, massass, asshole, arsehole, and a donkey to boot."--Lynn Minmei

"Have the proper precautions been taken for this love orgy, or all y'alls transmitting back and forth some virus that prevents the gag reflex? It's like this thread has been sponsored by Gleemonex or something.

I swear, you all are being so damn sweet to each other. Barf. Let's read some evaluations like: This Schmoe needs to pry him/herself away from the New Release wall at Blockbuster and actually see a movie that the Hollywood Hype Machine hasn't brainwashed him/her into believing he/she MUST see this movie, or else his/her peers will immediately brand him/her uncool, thereby banishing him/her from the cool table in the cafeteria and forcing him/her to eat with that weird sophomore who looks and talks like Beaker from "The Muppets." Y'know, there are more stimulating movies than 2 Fast 2 Furious, and the quicker he/she learns that, the sooner he/she will stop being the Schmoe that everyone mocks in private messages to each other.

This post is meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real Schmoes, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Batteries not included. Read only as directed. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some readers. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if read in the United States. Please remain seated until the post has come to a complete stop. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Keep out of reach of children. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. May contain traces of peanuts. Colors may, in time, fade. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Opinions expressed here not endorsed by Joblo.com or its subsidiaries. Post has been modified from its original form; it has been formatted to fit your screen and edited for content and time allotment. Some material may not be suitable for children. Post was current at time of posting. Return to sender. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to comprehend. At participating locations only. May cause lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not read below this line. Falling rock. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, read now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to read. No passes accepted for this post. No purchase necessary. Read only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Watch the tram car, please. Post read by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. Harmful or fatal if swallowed. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Post void in Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Call toll free number before reading. Poster does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this post appear for identification purposes only. Packing list enclosed. Dial 9 for an outside line. Please submit all forms in triplicate. Don't forget a cover sheet for your TPS report. Use ink pen only. Do not adjust your television. Typed in front of a live studio audience. Warranty void if post removed. This post not to be removed except by consumer. Management reserves the right to refuse service. Payment required in advance. Patent pending. All rights reserved. Additional charges may apply. Used with permission. Other laws may apply. Not available in all areas. Void where prohibited. Not responsible for injuries. This supersedes all previous notices. Edited to correct typos and to edit."--FeverDog420

[X-Nightcrawler]

God! Some of these quotes are amazing!

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by Jon Lyrik
"Because I'm a hardass, jackass, slapass, tautass, prepass, massass, asshole, arsehole, and a donkey to boot.

It probably had soemthing to do with the word "Nudity" being in here. That and the fact that the movies were made with Charlize Theron.

Well, not really, but like I said, I'm a hardass, jackass, slapass, tautass, prepass, massass, asshole, arsehole, and a donkey to boot."--Lynn Minmei



That guy's a genius!

[TheDeadWalk]

I'll take a page out of Lynn's book here.

I was scrolling through the archives out of boredom today, and found one of my favorite quotes, during my rant about the movie Phone Booth.

And talk about your over-acting voices. Keifer Sutherland sucks. He's always sucked, I've never seen him not suck, though I hear he didn't suck sometime back in the 1980's. Take him, this movie, and his little bullshit 24 series, and shove them up someone's ass.(Definately not a schmoe, because that would be bad, and Joblo would have to break out the belt on my ass.)

[X-Nightcrawler]

Don't know if it belongs but...

"[B]Originally posted by someguy
[B]http://www.badmovies.org/movies/leprechaun/leprechaun6.jpg

Leprechaun going insane with the amount of bold text Therewolf uses."

-somguy

Always cracks me up.

[RicochetShaw]

TheDeadWalk is a hilarious schmoe. Here's his reply to the thread "which movie do you wish you wrote?"



Originally posted by TheDeadWalk
Dawn of the Dead (remake that's coming out)

I would be writing it with the full intentions that after it would be completed, the fans of the original would have been willing to suck a fart out of my ass.

You want consumerism? You'd get consumerism and a bag of fritos, mothafuckos.


LOL.

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by Reigh Kaufman
Suggested new names for Schmoes:

Grebdron - Ol' Dirty Bastard

A Canadian Therewolf - The Third (Person) Man

Nate 6 - The Virgin Suicidal

James Logan - HornDog

Morgana - RollerGirl

Beeblebrox - Black (Or White depending on what you say:D )

dh1989 - Sir Not Appearing In This Film

Indiana Sev - Cool Hand, Look!

Paul Calf - Mad Ferret

Pretty In Pink - Will Young, Will Old, Will Anytime

Reigh Kaufman - Wanker

BadCoverVersion - EH?

I think Reigh plagurized this from somewhere...It's not natural to be this funny.

[A.J. Hakari]

Damned Martian's response to Man-Pimp blankpage's viewing of SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS:

Originally posted by Damned Martian
What??? He did it again?? NOOOOOO!!! My family... my home... all that lost to this fat red bastard and his hohoho secret weapon... I'll take my revenge!!!!


:D