"Today, on Jerry Springer...." (A game)

[Razorblade Smile]

Imagine what it would be like if your favorite Horror movie characters appeared on the Jerry Springer show. Would this be a fun time for all or what?

"Today on the Jerry Springer show. We have the Sawyer family from West Texas. This is a family so disfunctional that they actually make a practice of EATING Their neighbors! In the studio we have Sally Hardesty. Now Sally doesn't know it yet but boy is she going to be surprised when we bring out our secret guest...LEATHERFACE!"

What antics would you like to see happen if certain characters appeared on the Jerry show?

[Bloodybitch13]

LOL!!!!!!


"Today we have a young man who loves his momma so much he had her stuffed.He also enjoys wearing her clothes and killing people in the shower,Please say hello to our first guest,Norman Bates!"

[HannibalGuy]

Say Hellow to out first guiest Dr. Frankenstein.

Dr. Frank: Hey Jerry.

I understand that you have to say something very hurtful to your son Frankenstein.


To be Comtinued

[myers67]

ok lets see how well I can do this.

We come back from a commercial and we see Michael Myers sitting in the chair. There is a 12 inch glass protecting the audience.

Jerry: So Michael you know we have a big suprise for you

Michael: nods yes

Jerry: well do you want to see this guest

Michael: nods yes

Jerry: well lets bring it out here is Jason

Jason comes out, and him and Michael have a big brawl. Steve tries to come in but he gets gutted. then Jerry tries to come in but both Michael & Jason tear him apart and puts a end to this horrible show.

[LamentConfiguration]

Jerry: "Welcome back to the Jerry Springer Show. Today's topic is 'I Need Counseling For My Murderous Ways'. Let's bring out our first guest, FRED KRUEGER!"

Freddy: "Hey, Jerry."

Jerry: "Hello Fred. Now, why do you think you have the urge to murder and molest children?"

Freddy: "Well I think it all really started when I was young. I had an abusive step-father who didn't love me."

Jerry: "Ah, I see. Now I've been hearing things about a conflict between you and a certain hockey-masked-murderer, is there any truth to this?"

Freddy: "Yes Jerry, I just hate that guy so much, if he were here right now, I'd 'give him his medicine'."

Jerry: "Well, what you don't know is that he's back stage amd he's been listening to this whole thing, so let's bring him out. Here's JASON VOORHEES!"

also to be continued...

[adidas12185]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by myers67:
ok lets see how well I can do this.

We come back from a commercial and we see Michael Myers sitting in the chair. There is a 12 inch glass protecting the audience.

Jerry: so Michael you know we have a big suprise for you
</font>

I want to put a twist on this. The title of my episode is "Springer- Halloween Secrets Unvealed". There is only a 1 inch glass shield protecting the live audience from Michael.

(continued... )

Michael: sits there motionless, no expression

Jerry: well Michael do you want to meet the special guest we have here for you?

Jerry: oh wait we have a clip first, let's watch this

*Resurrection clip plays out with Freddie (Busta Rymes) saying "Michael, trick or treat, mother f#*ker!"*

Jerry: oh that's it, Michael we've brought Freddie right on this show today from Dangertainment.com, he has no idea what's going on and he has absolutely no clue why he is here, let's bring him out, here's Freddie

Michael: he stands up, his shoulders huge and bulging, clinching his fist together, pissed off and determined

Freddie: the Springer people open the 1 inch glass box on the stage but he can't see Michael from the other side because its covered for the exact purpose, he walks into the box and sees a big black figure with an emotionless expression, oh #$@!

Michael: walks toward Freddie determined to kill him, a knife in his hand and all, then Freddie breaks out the kung fu moves again, he catches Freddie's leg kick and stabs him right on his shin

Freddie: "come on is that all you got", Michael grabs his head and throws Freddie through the 1 glass and into the audience, making it collapse

Steve: sees Michael going into the audience, "hold on here", Michael takes his knife and slashes his throat

audience member: "you p**sy a**" Michael grabs a chair and slams in on the man's head, at an angle where his head comes flying off!

Jerry: sees Michael rampaging through the audience, "hey you can't mess with my friends", Michael turns around and looks down at Jerry- grabs the mic and shoves it down his throat

the rest of the audience scatters out and leaves the studio, Michael goes into the parking lot sees a man in a van eating a cheeseburger, he walks to the van silently opens driver's door and pulls the man out, he steals the van and heads from Chicago back down back to Haddonfield, IL

[Lady Summerisle]

JERRY: Folks, imagine you lived in a nice, peaceful environment, and all of a sudden a vampire moves in next door.

AUDIENCE BOOS

JERRY: OUr first guest today happens to have had that happen to him, twice.Meet Charlie Brewster.

CHARLIE TAKES HIS SEAT

CHARLIE: Nice to be here, jerry.

JERRY: Now I understand that you have tussled with vampires twice. How has this changed you?

CHARLIE (LAUGHS): I don't live in the suburbs.

JERRY: This should be a blast from the past, Charlie, because we have here today your old friend, EVIL ED!

COME ON OUT ED!

Charlie lets out a long Noooooo!, clutching a cross around his neck.
Ed comes out, bad 80's hair, and cut off tee.

ED: Take it easy, Brewster. LAUGHS LOUD

JERRY: Ed, you were in the thrall of a vampire named Jerry Dandridge years ago, what has happened since then?

ED:Well, Jerry, I did a couple of vampire porno movies, but I want to rekindle my friendship with Charlie, despite the fact that I sleep all day, and drink blood at night.

CHARLIE: I never wanted to see you again, Pencildick! (GETS MEAN) Jerry, I refuse to be in the same room with this freak!

[stevereno]

JERRY: are next guest has survived an alien encounter 3 times and has been cloned 1 once, or so she was lead to believe. please welcome RIPLEY

(crowd wants to boo but it scared)

RIPLEY: hello jerry

JERRY: ripley i have a surprise for you

RIPLEY: i dont like surpises

JERRY: please welcome a man you thought was dead carter j. burke

RIPLEY: i thought he was dead!

BURKE: you thought i was dead, but you were wrong. bad call ripley,bad call.

RIPLEY: I'LL SHOW YOU A BAD CALL, YOU RAT-FUCK SON-OF-A-BITCH!

RIPLEY beats BURKE'S face in and STEVE has to break them up(not me the other steve http://www.joblo.com/ubb/wink.gif )

SHIVER ME TIMBERS

[This message has been edited by stevereno (edited 07-15-2002).]

[michael_myers_woman]

ok ok

audience:jerry! jerry!

jerry:"Today we have a guy that likes to wear a chainsaw as a hand and kill demons. lets everyone give a warm welcome to ash(ley)"

well dont know the rest lol.

[Candyman'sBitch]

JERRY: Today's topic is Supernatural sexual fantasies. Welcome Rachel Lang to our show.

Audience claps

Rachel is dressed very sexy.

JERRY: So you're a lesbian and you make sex tapes with the highschool football players?

RACHEL: Word. I was in love with one player.
The player haters laughed at me.

JERRY: You're such a nympho you've slept with
A ex pro football player OJ?

RACHEL: Word.

JERRY: One guest has a problem with that.
your girlfriend .

LESBIAN GIRLFRIEND: Slut!

RACHEL: Bitch

AUDIENCE : Whore ! Whore! Whore !
(pointing at Rachel)

Rachel stares straight at the camera.
Her telekenisis kicks in.

The walls go up in flames.

Steve runs on stage. He is caught on fire.

Jerry is strangled by his microphone.

The lesbian girlfriend is blown off the stage. Her dress flies up. The editor still covers her crotch for tv.

Commercial break.

[Candyman'sBitch]

Oh for all you'z that don't know I was talkin bout Rachel from The Rage Carrie 2

[Razorblade Smile]

Jerry (somber voice): Today, we have a special episode of the Jerry Springer show as we examine the grim misfortunes that befell what was once a healthy normal family. Please welcome...the Torrances.

Lights come on and we see Jack, Wendy and a battered little Danny Torrance sitting on the stage.

Jerry: Wendy, is there something you wish to say to your husband Jack?

Wendy: Y-y-yes Jerry. J-J-Jack darling, have you noticed the bruises on Danny's face? Y-y-you said he got it while riding his bigwheel.

Jerry: Riding his bigwheel eh? Now Jack...that's not exactly the truth now is it? Why don't you explain to our viewers what REALLY happened?

Jack smiles at Wendy. He gives her the 'crazy' eyes.

Jack: Have you ever danced with the Devil by the pale moon light?

Wendy: I...I...I don't understand Jack.

Jack: I ask that of all my prey. I just like the sound of it.

Wendy begins crying

Wendy: You see Jerry? He..he..he always does that! Whenever I try and talk to him he starts quoting that Bat...Bat...Batman nonsense. (sniff sniff blubber blubber)

Jack: Did you say bat? Give me the bat Wendy. Give ME the bat!

Jerry: Now Jack, you may want to calm down. You're looking a little wrestless there and I don't want to have Steve come up on the stage. We don't want to hurt anybody now do we Jack?

Jack: I'm not going to hurt her. I'm just going to bash her brains in! I'm going to bash em right the fuck in Jerry!

Jerry: Ummm...yeah. Uhh...folks, we're going to pause for a commercial break. When we come back...

Jack interrupts

Jack: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.

Jerry: Excuse me?

Jack: I said, Mistletoe can be...

Jerry: Yeah yeah yeah...I heard what you said. It just didn't make any sense.

Danny stands straight up and begins shouting at the top of his voice.

Danny: RED RUM! RED RUM! RED RUM!

Jerry: Oh now what the hell is this?

[Romero&Juliet]

lmao. that was great razorblade!

[stevereno]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Razorblade Smile:

Jack: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.

</font>

but a kiss........can be deadlier if you mean it.

sorry about that i just watched BATMAN RETURNS

SHIVER ME TIMBERS

[michael_myers_woman]

lol. you guys are funny

[DeadByDawn]

JERRY - Welcome back to Jerry Springer Show! Tonight we meet Michael Myers, a psychopath known from the Halloween-movies, but he doesn't know that we have Jason Voorhees behind that curtain over there. So, let's welcome Jason Voorhees! Hi, Jason!

---(the curtain is lowered and Jason walks to his seat and sits down)---

JASON - Rrrnh...

JERRY - Heh. Say hello to Michael, Jason.

JASON - Rllrthmnnrrr!

MICHAEL - (doesn't say a word, just sits on his seat)

JERRY - Michael, say hello to Jason...

MICHAEL - (doesn't say a word, just sits on his seat)

JERRY - Michael? Hello? Are you okay?

JASON - Hmmph!

JERRY - Well, on to the point. Jason, are you angry to Michael, because "Halloween 8" made up better on the box office than "Jason X"?

MICHAEL - Hah. (very quiet)

JASON - Rrnh? RRrrHhnNhHnhNNnn!!

---(Jason gets up and takes his machete)---

MICHAEL - (doesn't say a word, just sits on his seat)

JERRY - Jason, calm down now! No Jason...

JASON - RRRROOOOOOAAAAARRRR!!!!

MICHAEL - (doesn't say a word, just sits on his seat)

JERRY - This is going to be a one hell of a fight... (whispers to the microphone)

---(Michael walks away from the sets while Jason throws his chair to the audience)---

JERRY - Jason, go for Michael, not the audience, umm, where's Michael?

---(the audience run around the studio in panic trying to find a way out, while Jason destroys everything he finds)---

JASON - RRHHHNNN!!!

JERRY - Calm down, you fucking retard!

---(Jason turns to Jerry)---

JERRY - Oh shit...

---(Jason walks towards Jerry and grabs him from the throat and pulls him to the air)---

JERRY - Hngh! Ghuardsh! Hhelph!

JASON - RRROOOAAARRHHHNNNNHH!!!

---(Jason throws Jerry towards the cameras)---

END OF TRANSMISSION

[DeadByDawn]

By the way, I know Michael doesn't say "hah" and Jason doesn't grunt like an animal, but I made them do it in hope it would be a little more funnier.

And yeah, good one, Razorblade!

[Hell Phantom]

bump

[Creeper_Reaper]

the audiance aplauses jerry as he walks on to the stage.

Jerry:were gonna have one hell of a nite folks. we will bring out two famous homicidal maniacs to see if they get along or get homicidal

audience roars and shouts with excitement

Jerry:Ok our first guest loves to eat. as a matter of fact he eats people! yes he also has a family that know alll kinds of different recipes! please welcome the unknown, the mysterious....LEATHERFACE

Leather face walks out on stage

Jerry: so whats it like to kill and eat people?

leatherface:......

Jerry:mmmmyesssss i see. today your gonna meet someone very special tonight.

Leather face:.....*starts up his chainsaw*

they start showing scenes from after the commercial break and the commercial break rolls in. after the break, the show begins to go on as the audiance alplause again

Jerry:here the moment youve been waiting for. this guy also like to eat his victims..... alive! he also has experiance with using someone elses face as a mask please welcome! hannible lector!

hannible walks out

Hannible:helllllo Jerry (in a very low tone) i see you wa......*looks at leatherface and frowns in a very ghostly way* hey jerry who the fuck is this?

Jerry:er um someone else is gonna have to explain this to you. PLEASE WELCOME JOHN DOE!!

Hannible:!!!!!!!!

John Doe: hey look im sorry but you know those times i couldnt make it on a date?

Hannible: yes?

John Doe: well ive been seeing Leather face the guy over there *points*

Hannible and leather face both get angry at eachother

as leather face starts his chainsaw, Hannible takes a huge bite out of the side of his belly

Leather face howls in pain and cuts one of hannbles's hands off.

Hannible:damnit you sone of a bitch!

as leatherface is about to kill hannible he puts jery in the way, when leatherface tripsn after killing jerry, he drops his chainsaw. hannible takes the chainsaw and cuts of leather faces head and start to eat and his leg

John Doe: Noooooooooooooo! I FUCKING LOVED YOU I LOvED YOU!!!!!!!YOU KNOW YOUR SIN IS ITS ENVY GODDAMNIT ITS ENVY!

Hannible glares at john doe. John knocks hannible out, takes him home and tortures the fuck out of him.

the end

[This message has been edited by Creeper_Reaper (edited 07-19-2002).]

[NuclearMisfit]

Jerry: "Today on the show we have people who love to eat and bite"

Jerry: "welcome our first guest,he comes long from a nearby insane asylum, welcome Dr Hannibal Lecter"

*Hannibal is wheeled out in a strap jacket and nuzzle and they released from his confines*

Jerry: "Welcome to the show Dr Lecter"

Hannibal: "HELLLLO JERRRY, ITS GREAT TO BE HERE TODAY AND MIGHT I ADD YOUR SHOW IS LOOKING MIGHTY TASTEFUL TODAY."

Jerry: " We have someone straight from a los vegas prison,to confront you, his Name is MiKe Tyson".

Hannibal: " OH GOOODY GOOODY, SEND HIM OUT"

*Mike walks out and the crowd boos*

Mike: Mr Hannible, you don me wong, Im de champ, Im the King of Bite.

*Hannibal stands up and rushes Tyson, Hannibal leaps and bites his face completely off, as blood sprays into the crowd,Steve stands up and trys to prevent anymore violence. Hannibal chases Steve backstage where theres alot of murderous screams*

*Hannibal returns to the stage, with blood on his prision suit*

Jerry: "What happened to Steve??"

Hannibal:" I ate his liver, with some fava beans and a nice kianti"

*after hearing this the entire crowd, vomits at the same time sending a flood of food and nastiness towards Jerry*

*Jerry falls and drowns in the vomit*

*the show ends with Hannibal surrounded by 20 security guards and him taking them out one by one*

[Creeper_Reaper]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by NuclearMisfit:
Jerry: "Today on the show we have people who love to eat and bite"

Jerry: "welcome our first guest,he comes long from a nearby insane asylum, welcome Dr Hannibal Lecter"

*Hannibal is wheeled out in a strap jacket and nuzzle and they released from his confines*

Jerry: "Welcome to the show Dr Lecter"

Hannibal: "HELLLLO JERRRY, ITS GREAT TO BE HERE TODAY AND MIGHT I ADD YOUR SHOW IS LOOKING MIGHTY TASTEFUL TODAY."

Jerry: " We have someone straight from a los vegas prison,to confront you, his Name is MiKe Tyson".

Hannibal: " OH GOOODY GOOODY, SEND HIM OUT"

*Mike walks out and the crowd boos*

Mike: Mr Hannible, you don me wong, Im de champ, Im the King of Bite.

*Hannibal stands up and rushes Tyson, Hannibal leaps and bites his face completely off, as blood sprays into the crowd,Steve stands up and trys to prevent anymore violence. Hannibal chases Steve backstage where theres alot of murderous screams*

*Hannibal returns to the stage, with blood on his prision suit*

Jerry: "What happened to Steve??"

Hannibal:" I ate his liver, with some fava beans and a nice kianti"

*after hearing this the entire crowd, vomits at the same time sending a flood of food and nastiness towards Jerry*

*Jerry falls and drowns in the vomit*

*the show ends with Hannibal surrounded by 20 security guards and him taking them out one by one*</font>


LMAO MY SIDES ARE HURTING.!!!

[FeydRautha]

These are all hilarious! I wanna play too:

Opening credits: "Killer Dolls!"

[Applause & chanting dies down as cam closes in on Jerry in audience]

Jerry: Hello! Oh, you're too kind... Hey, what if your child came to you and told you his or her doll was trying to kill them?

Audience: OOOOOOOooooooo...

Jerry: Well, that's what one of our guests has always maintained, and he says it's tearing his life apart. Please welcome Andy to the show!

[A now grown-up Andy Barclay enters the stage the sits down.] Andy: Hi, Jerry.

Jerry: Andy, my producers have told me that you were hunted by one of your childhood toys?

Andy: That's right. A serial killer placed his soul in my Good Guy doll, then tried to kill me. He killed my babysitter, too...

Audience: [hoots and cat-calls like they don't believe him]

Jerry: And how has this affected your family?

Andy: Well, my mom's still under psychiatric care, and I got put into foster care, then got shipped off to a military academy. But Chucky found me there, too.

Jerry: Well, we have someone here today who says you're lying, Andy. He's been listening backstage...let's bring him on out!!

[Chucky trots onto the stage and climbs up into the free chair. Smiles at audience.]

Chucky: Jerry, I just wanna tell my story like it is, without all the bull-crap Andy's been feeding you guys. I'm just a cute, adorable Good Guy doll who just wants to be Friends To The End.

Audience: Whoooooaaaaaaaa..... [and a couple of "Yeah, right!"s]

Chucky: Hey - SHUT THE *BLEEP!* UP!! I'M TALKIN' NOW!!!!

[Audience howls at him til the floor managers calm them down]

Jerry: Andy, in light of what you've been through all your life, how have you managed to stay sane?

Andy: Well, I found a really good woman who sympathises with what I've been through, and who truly loves me for who I am. [Looks slyly at Chucky] And I want this *bleep*-hole to meet her.

Jerry: Let's bring her on out!!

[Tiffany scampers onto the stage, runs up to Andy, who picks her up and cuddles her. She kisses him on the cheek. Audience goes wild. Chucky is enraged]

Chucky: YOU *BLEEP!*-ING *BLEEP!* GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BITCH!!!

Tiffany: Shut the *bleep!* up, butt-munch!!! This guy knows how to treat a lady right! AND he does the dishes!!!

Chucky: After all I did for you, you ungrateful *bleep!*-ing slut!!

Tiffany: Oh, yeah?? Well [turns to audience] face it ladies, plastic is NO substitute for a good HUNK OF WOOD!!!!

[Audience hoots and cheers appreciately. Chucky flies at Tiff in a rage. Steve jumps onstage and picks him up by the scruff of the neck]

Chucky: PUT ME DOWN, YA BIG *BLEEEEEEEP!*

Jerry [to camera]: Well be right back...

[Nightmare_Dreaming]

(No one has used the fat ugly person in the audience that always tries to diss on a gues of the show.)

Jerry : Todays topic , seperated mothers and sons.

Crowd : Awwww

Jerry : Our first guest his a grown zombie who says he hasnt seen his mom in many years now , please welcome , Jason Voorhees.

Crowd Cheers.

Jerry : Have a seat Jason , we have quite a surprise for you , do you know who is here backstage?

Jason shakes no.

Jerry : Well lets bring her out here right now!

Jasons mom then came out , carrying her head. Jason ran to his "mommy" and gave her a huge hug. The crowd then said "awwww" again.

Jerry was taking questions from the audience.

A fat man stood up , jerry walked over to him with a mic.

Fat guy : This question is for Jason , see I thought you were spose to be a big killing machine , but your nothing but a little mommas boy pussy!

Jason then took his chair and threw it into the audience , hitting the fat guy. Jason then stormed to the fat guy and crushed hit head with his bare hands.

To Be Continued...

[teenkiller]

After reading through this thread I figured it was due for a comeback. Anybody else want to give it a shot? Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.

[Tagia_Romero]

Please? More!!!

[amassey]

JERRY: "Today's topic, women and the men who wont leave them alone."

"Everyone, I would like to introduce you to Kirsty, a young women who thought it was okay playing a simple game, but it turned out to be a nightmare. Hello Kirsty."


KIRSTY: Hi, Jerry.

JERRY: Tell us your problem Kirsty.

KIRSTY: Well Jerry, twenty years ago I was in hospital due to being stalked by my evil uncle, when I found a puzzle box. Curious, I decided to solve it. To my horror, I unleashed the Cenobites, immortal demons who thrive on pain, unto the world.
Their leader, Pinhead, has made it his mission to capture me and unleashed torture for his own sadistic pleasure. Luckily, I managed cut a deal with him and closed the puzzle box for good.

JERRY: Well Kirsty, we have a surprise for you. I had Steve open the puzzle box, and we have special guest behind that door!
Come on out, mystery guest!

(Enter Pinhead)

THE AUDIENCE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!

(Pinhead surveys the audience, then launches chain from out of nowhere, embedding them into the chins of the hecklers)

PINHEAD: Hello again, Kirsty. I've missed you.

KIRSTY: God no! Stay away from me!

PINHEAD: No Kirsty, this time I wont try to capture you. Instead I have decided to do this.

(walks in front of Kirsty, neels down on one knee)

THE AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!

PINHEAD: Kirsty, for the past twenty years you alone have been my worthiest opponent. I had not thought about anyone else but you. Kirsty,(produces a gold barbed wire ring) will do me the honor of being my wife, my companion, my queen of the Cenobites.

KIRSTY(tears in her eyes): Pinhead, I-I never knew that you felt this way. (pause).

KIRSTY(with a smile): Yes, I will marry you!!!

(The audience cheers, Kirsty leaps up to hug Pinhead, gets impaled by his pins. She has never been happier.)

[urbanlegend23]

THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW - "JASON VS. MICHAEL"

MICHAEL: Hi Jerry.
JERRY: Hi Michael. So we understand there's some conflict between you and a Mr. Jason Vorhees?
MICHAEL: Yes, yes there is.
JERRY: Bring him out!

JASON comes out.

CROWD: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JASON kills them.

JERRY: Holy fuck! That wasn't in the script!
JASON looks at him menacingly.

JERRY: Okok, calm down. So Michael what do you want to say to Jason?

MICHAEL: Well, he's always stealing my victims ya know!
JASON: Oh shut up you pussywhoop!

MICHAEL bursts out into tears.

MICHAEL: I am JUST trying to do MY JOB! You have no respect for your elders son!
JASON: Yes I do! Your my role model!

They look into each other's eyes.

MICHAEL: Oh, Jason, I always loved you!
JASON: Fuck me, my master!

They run offstage. MICHAEL then kills JASON during a fuck, giving a hideous end to a hideous series.

END

[Jon Lyrik]

Jerry: Welcome our special guest: Michael Myers!

(MM walks out of backstage with blood on his clothes)

Jerry: Now Michael, you like brawling with people, right? And killing?

(silence)

Jerry: Michael?

(silence)

Jerry: Anyway, welcome our mystery guest!

(Michael stands up, as Leatherface runs out of the backstage with his chainsaw on)

(MM and LF have a big duel until Michael takes his chainsaw and sticks it into his chest. LF naturally collapses)

Jerry: This goes to show you that Michael really likes killing, and Leatherface is always a hungry motherfucker. Hey wait a minute, Mikey...put that chainsaw down!

(While MM chases Jerry across the stage with chainsaw, the audience goes hysterical and the auditorium is filled with noise and bustle. Michael finally kills Jerry Springer, and drags both Leatherface's and Springer's bodies out of the auditorium and out backstange)

[Jon Lyrik]

Jerry Springer: Welcome our guests: Ash and Leatherface.

(BOTH walks INTO the auditorium, with their chainsaws ROARING)

JS: So Ash, you challenge Leatherface to a chainsaw duel?

ASH: I challenge him to a groovy chainsaw battle.

JS: Here we go!

(ASH "kills" Leatherface)

ASH: Hail to the King, baby!

(LEATHERFACE rises)

LF: (growls)

Ash: Oh shit, man!

(LF kills ASH right on spot, and takes a raw bite out of him)

(After the meal and several audience members vomiting, LF kills Springer, the guards, and a few slow audience members that otherwise ran out of the auditorium, and drags them back to Old Man's pick-up truck to prepare them for a barboque)