Five Years
11-19-2002, 03:42 PM
I have been working on a little screenplay since about seventh grade. In the past few years, it's been a book, a screenplay, a short story, and any other format you can think of. It's mostly a horror/thriller story, but I just can't seem to get it right. Granted, I'm very young and I have lots of time, it still drives me crazy. Here is a little outline/premise thing I wrote and showed to a friend of mine a long time ago. I think I edited it properly so there are no more references directly to this person, but if I missed one, please ignore it. The story has changed a little since I wrote this, its gotten a little more detailed, but this is the basic idea.
I've been trying to write this same story since seventh grade. To this day, I have yet to get it right. As the years went on, more and more elements were added; elements that created what it is now, and it’s still not right. What it’s about is very important to me. I originally wanted it to read like a Nirvana song. You know, that kind of “I-hate-everybody” attitude. What it developed into was my theory on teenagers and those residential areas in California where every house is identical. The theory is this: Those little neighborhoods represent today what parents used to represent in the 1950’s: conformity and consumerism. Two things that some people spent their lives rebelling against. You lose your identity in such a shallow neighborhood. You just move along like everybody else, doing whatever you’re told to do. This screenplay is that “Do-whatever-the-boss-says” attitude taken to the extreme. It is set in a very tightly knit community where everybody pretty much knows everyone else. However, when someone knew moves in, it disrupts that peaceful continuum, and the dark, evil, underlying secrets and motives of the whole community surface. In this case, the community is disrupted by a teen girl named Grace, who is on the opposite end of the “Do-whatever-the-boss-says” extremity. She never does what the boss says. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her remarried father (because that is the only thing I’ve found that can really force someone that far into rebellion: a nasty family feud). The only person you can rely on in situations such as these are people like you. That’s where Elliot comes in. Like Grace, he is new in the neighborhood. Unlike Grace, he is not very rebellious and, actually, rather quiet. It is the conflict presented in the screenplay that forces them to be closer and closer friends. The conflict is simply this: There is something horribly wrong with the Ripple Springs community. Some underlying awfulness that is about to come out into the open. Something so terrible it can only be human.
The screenplay, unfortunately, fails to please so far. It meanders, it’s talky and already overlong and plot-heavy.
I wanted it to be shocking, but so far all I have is this eerie, small-town feel that I think is an accomplishment in itself. To create that feeling, I watched the following films over and over:
Night Of The Living Dead (1968)
Halloween (1978)
The Stepford Wives (1975)
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1956) VERY IMPORTANT
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1978) VERY IMPORTANT
Body Snatchers (1994)
The Parallax View (1974) for the conspiracy angle
The Believers (1987)
Blue Velvet (1986)
Cherry Falls (200?) (I had a great time with this one. It was rediculous, but its the exact small town feel I'm looking for)
Its insanity, I know. But its a lot clearer elsewhere. I've gone as far now as to write out an entire history of the town, the characters, and anything else relevant to the story. Now, I think I have figured out what the big mystery with the town is, at least some of it. I know it doesn't feel very complete, but there's a lot more to it than you've seen. Maybe it'll never pan out, maybe it will. Either way, I'd appreciate your thoughts and I'd be happy to answer any questions.
I've been trying to write this same story since seventh grade. To this day, I have yet to get it right. As the years went on, more and more elements were added; elements that created what it is now, and it’s still not right. What it’s about is very important to me. I originally wanted it to read like a Nirvana song. You know, that kind of “I-hate-everybody” attitude. What it developed into was my theory on teenagers and those residential areas in California where every house is identical. The theory is this: Those little neighborhoods represent today what parents used to represent in the 1950’s: conformity and consumerism. Two things that some people spent their lives rebelling against. You lose your identity in such a shallow neighborhood. You just move along like everybody else, doing whatever you’re told to do. This screenplay is that “Do-whatever-the-boss-says” attitude taken to the extreme. It is set in a very tightly knit community where everybody pretty much knows everyone else. However, when someone knew moves in, it disrupts that peaceful continuum, and the dark, evil, underlying secrets and motives of the whole community surface. In this case, the community is disrupted by a teen girl named Grace, who is on the opposite end of the “Do-whatever-the-boss-says” extremity. She never does what the boss says. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her remarried father (because that is the only thing I’ve found that can really force someone that far into rebellion: a nasty family feud). The only person you can rely on in situations such as these are people like you. That’s where Elliot comes in. Like Grace, he is new in the neighborhood. Unlike Grace, he is not very rebellious and, actually, rather quiet. It is the conflict presented in the screenplay that forces them to be closer and closer friends. The conflict is simply this: There is something horribly wrong with the Ripple Springs community. Some underlying awfulness that is about to come out into the open. Something so terrible it can only be human.
The screenplay, unfortunately, fails to please so far. It meanders, it’s talky and already overlong and plot-heavy.
I wanted it to be shocking, but so far all I have is this eerie, small-town feel that I think is an accomplishment in itself. To create that feeling, I watched the following films over and over:
Night Of The Living Dead (1968)
Halloween (1978)
The Stepford Wives (1975)
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1956) VERY IMPORTANT
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1978) VERY IMPORTANT
Body Snatchers (1994)
The Parallax View (1974) for the conspiracy angle
The Believers (1987)
Blue Velvet (1986)
Cherry Falls (200?) (I had a great time with this one. It was rediculous, but its the exact small town feel I'm looking for)
Its insanity, I know. But its a lot clearer elsewhere. I've gone as far now as to write out an entire history of the town, the characters, and anything else relevant to the story. Now, I think I have figured out what the big mystery with the town is, at least some of it. I know it doesn't feel very complete, but there's a lot more to it than you've seen. Maybe it'll never pan out, maybe it will. Either way, I'd appreciate your thoughts and I'd be happy to answer any questions.