Signs in "4 easy steps"

[TheDeadWalk]

Ok, I go to this guy's webpage that shares his harsh opinions, often for mostly humor, and as mean as he gets on some issues, I still take it as humor/entertainment and nothing too serious (As we all should)

After seeing the movie "Signs" I thought it was a pretty decent movie, until I read this guy's review.

*** Spoilers For signs ***

After reading this review Signs in four easy steps. (http://maddox.xmission.com/signs.html)

I think I've came to the conclusion that signs wasn't really that great of a movie, and how poorly it was put into thought.

A lot of stuff in sign's when looked at from this view DIDN'T make sense, and made it look very silly and weak when I looked at it in this perspective.

It is a total spoiler if you haven't seen the film, and is a trashy parody followed by his harsh, blunt opinions.

Let me know what you guys think of this review, especially if you saw signs and liked it.

[TheDeadWalk]

My mistake, I could have sworn 5 minutes ago I didn't see a signs topic below... I even checked the second page of reviews... DAMN.

[meltingman]

TheDeadWalk:

That's very funny. I really enjoyed looking at that review, Signs in 4 easy steps. I agree that Signs is so full of itself, illogical, with overdrawn conclusions and , but I sort of enjoyed it anyway.


spoilers ahead...


How about the scene where the wife was smashed into two pieces at the spine, yet she was in no pain, and mind extremely alert, but she still looked great and yet her makeup was perfect. Incredibly realistic right?. and also the part where the alien sprayed the sons face for about 10 to 15 seconds at a range of 6 inches from his face, but because his lungs were 'closed' he wasn't affected. Man, that is some powerful space poison! There were so many scenes that were so poorly written that you have to wonder if the director was doing it on purpose or not.

[NuclearMisfit]

Dude that was so hilarious, he makes good points and supports his points very good and he actually took the time to draw those silly drawings. My god if Ebert and Ropper would only do this kinda shit maybe I would watch their show. Im reading this guys other reviews man hes a genious.

[ReservoirDog]

This guys four step review is right on the money. I can't believe so many critics thought this thing was good. I couldn't wait for it to be over and man was it boring.

I agree with Nuclear... If more critics did this kind of shit I'd watch them or read their columns more often.

[Scarface98.9]

Despite the fact I enjoyed Signs, that was a funny and dead on review of it, even though I didn't revile it as much as him

[Mick]

POSSIBLE SPOILERS.

This movie wouldn't have been so bad if it actually went somewhere. It was like a porno with no money shot. One of those slow motion soft-core Showtime specials that start out as being mediocre detective melodrama, but you keep watching any way because it's starring Shannon Tweed and you know there's going to be a shower scene but you know it's going to suck because some dude inevitably comes in and starts man handling her and the camera man does nothing but zoom up on his ass. That's exactly what "Signs" is like: the camera man zooming up on some guy's ass for two hours.

:D :D :D

Quite amusing. He's right too, that water thing was ridiculous. What would the aliens have done if it rained? Oh well, at least I'll be safe from alien invasion in Glasgow. But just in case I'll leave glasses of water all around the house. :)

[ColinM]

Well I don't think it's funny, but if you're taking it as a legitmate review it's got to be the worst review I've ever read.

I doubt it, but...possible SPOILERS

My complaints:

I'm not sure what they're talking about with "my daughter screaming for no reason". She had a reason...crop circles. That might not scare us, but that's certainly enough to scare most little girls I know, anyway, especially if she had dreams about it before it happened. The aliens clearly had a reason for walking around the neighbors house at night, unless the reviewer took a bathroom break during the part with the army guy and his recon theory. He's got kind of a point with the door thing, but that doesn't bother me too much.

The main reason the review is so bad is that he missed so much. The movie is about an ex-reverend finding his faith again and a family trying to recover from a recent loss, and the aliens are almost secondary. The aliens are really just another thing the family has to deal with. But there is no trace of these plotlines in either his cartoons or his review. A whole hell of a lot more happened in the movie than he makes it appear. If I thought the movie was what he makes it sound like, it would sound terrible, but he missed at least 2/3 or it.

The "review" doesn't say why he think the movie is bad at all. He says it's like a porno, and then he describes a porno. That's it. No reason why it's like that porno, or even why the movie is bad, he just says "it doesn't go anywhere" and doesn't back it up.

I don't see how anybody who "loved" Signs could change their mind after seeing this...

[ColinM]

Originally posted by meltingman
and also the part where the alien sprayed the sons face for about 10 to 15 seconds at a range of 6 inches from his face, but because his lungs were 'closed' he wasn't affected.

Your other points are legitimate, I think, but it was a 3 second spray tops that was interrupted by Merrill and the bat.

[Razorblade Smile]

All told, that's a pretty crappy review. I get the impression that the reviewer was more concerned about putting out zingers than he was with serious criticism.

I agree with him about the water bit though.

I don't think Signs is the best film out there, but this guy obviously missed the point of the flick. :rolleyes:

[KcMsterpce]

My bottom line opinion of Signs:

It's a great movie, and the suspense KILLED me sometimes. I'm talking about the man in the window shot, or the pantry door scene. Even the 'lights out' scene (saving spoilers). That shit's scary!

The ending SUCKS. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS! I tell everyone that. If they changed the last ten minutes into something more plausible, then this movie would have been one of my most favorite of the year!

But I let it go, and enjoy the movie for what it is; a great popcorn flick with masterful direction. It was still a good movie.

But did I mention the ending SUCKS?!

[Silverload]

*****Spoilers*****

Well I think that the “4 easy steps” is a pretty lame way to look at the movie. First of all the movie wasn’t just about aliens trying invading earth just to be beaten at the end by Mel Gibson. Actually the aliens were not even invading Earth and at the end the Aliens left earth because they got what they came for, food. And the deal about the aliens jumping on roof tops and scaring neighbors was clearly explained, they were doing reconnaissance to see what dangers they might face once they start harvesting. And if the person that wrote that review had actually paid attention to the movie he might have realized that. The only bad point about the movie was the fact that the cup off water killed the alien, but they never actually said it was the water that killed the alien. It could have been the chlorine in the water that acted like acid on their skin. :confused:

What was so good about this movie is that it strayed from normal Hollywood formulas. Like most movies about a huge alien attack it would be told in the perspective of the hero that ends up saving the world at the end, or something along those lines. Signs was not told in the perspective of some worldwide hero. This movie was told in the perspective of a family, just a normal family. This family didn’t save the world, and didn’t even play a part in the big picture of things. And this family had to deal with this phenomenon that is disturbing the entire world. And you end up really caring for this family, which adds to the suspense of the movie. And the suspense/horror was all masterfully directed. I am sure the person that wrote that review was just like everyone else that didn’t care for Signs, he was waiting for a big explosion or for some action sequence that would have Mel Gibson save the world. But this movie is more then just that, and is about more then just aliens.

[Mick]

Originally posted by ColinM


The main reason the review is so bad is that he missed so much. The movie is about an ex-reverend finding his faith again and a family trying to recover from a recent loss, and the aliens are almost secondary.

Just a pity our main character is poorly written. He loses his faith in God because his wife died, then acts like a self-righteous asshole for a while, then regains his faith and becomes a preacher again. O.....K..... Nice one, M. Night, but if he is so quick to lose his faith he was probably in the wrong job to being with, and has no right going back to it.

The aliens are really just another thing the family has to deal with. But there is no trace of these plotlines in either his cartoons or his review. A whole hell of a lot more happened in the movie than he makes it appear. If I thought the movie was what he makes it sound like, it would sound terrible, but he missed at least 2/3 or it.

Fair enough, but it's hardly a "serious" review, and isn't meant to be taken as one.

The "review" doesn't say why he think the movie is bad at all. He says it's like a porno, and then he describes a porno. That's it. No reason why it's like that porno, or even why the movie is bad, he just says "it doesn't go anywhere" and doesn't back it up.

It's like a porno because we're led to believe we're going to get to see something decent (a good alien movie with a reasonable ending, Shannon's goodies) but we get hit with something crappy (implausible ending, a guy's ass).

I don't see how anybody who "loved" Signs could change their mind after seeing this...

I doubt they would, either ;)

[MunkyFeet]

SPOILERS. even though i don't think anybody who hasnt seen the movie is reading this...

The alien locked in the pantry was able to get out. We just don't know how long it took him to. Who knows, maybe he liked it in there...

One thing i noticed is in the part at the dinner table where there crying with each other. When they heard the baby monitor Boe looked at it and she wasn't crying at all.

[vastlynne]

Yea, Maddox's site is great and his opinions on things are quite entertaining.

But you can't call that a "review" by any means. It was just his way of pointing out the obvious flaws that he found and drew some crappy looking illustrations with it. It's all very amusing. :D

With Signs I was very dissappointed with the ending but i've come to realize that it was still a good movie with excellent directing and good acting with some stand-outs and so the good overcame the bad.

Deadwalk, you shouldn't let some guy on a website sway your opinion on a movie if your first instinct was that you liked the movie in the first place. :)

[Mick]

Originally posted by MunkyFeet
SPOILERS. even though i don't think anybody who hasnt seen the movie is reading this...

The alien locked in the pantry was able to get out. We just don't know how long it took him to. Who knows, maybe he liked it in there...

Perhaps he did :D

But he was obviously trying his very best to get in at them near the end, and the door caused a bit of a problem then, too. :cool:

It's easy to pick flaws in movies, though.

Like the stupid point about "everything happening for a reason" and how his wife's last words were "swing away". OK, because if she hadn't said that Merl would have ignored the bat and just reasoned with the alien?

Fun, too.

[ColinM]

Originally posted by Mick
Just a pity our main character is poorly written. He loses his faith in God because his wife died, then acts like a self-righteous asshole for a while, then regains his faith and becomes a preacher again. O.....K..... Nice one, M. Night, but if he is so quick to lose his faith he was probably in the wrong job to being with, and has no right going back to it.

I think you're underestimating how serious losing a wife is. I think it would be enough to make anybody question their faith, even the most faithful.


Originally posted by Mick
Fair enough, but it's hardly a "serious" review, and isn't meant to be taken as one.

I'd have felt the same way if he didn't write at the end "Many people who thought it was good changed their mind after reading this review." or whatever. It made it sound like the guy thought he really did something great or something.

[sharkstank]

that was pretty funny,and i agree with some of his points,but i still really like movie.

[Jim H]

"How about the scene where the wife was smashed into two pieces at the spine, yet she was in no pain, and mind extremely alert, but she still looked great and yet her makeup was perfect. Incredibly realistic right?. and also the part where the alien sprayed the sons face for about 10 to 15 seconds at a range of 6 inches from his face, but because his lungs were 'closed' he wasn't affected. Man, that is some powerful space poison! There were so many scenes that were so poorly written that you have to wonder if the director was doing it on purpose or not."

About his wife - her face probably would of been damaged, but they left it untouched for purpouses of the movie. And her being in no pain is not unrealistic. You DO realize the spine is where nerve endings go right? If your spine is severed, you don't feel pain below it. Try punching Chris Reeves in the balls, he wouldn't feel shit. Even without the nerves cut stuff, sometimes the shock of it cuts out pain. For instance, when I cut my head open on the corner of a coffee table and needed stitches, I didn't even notice til my friend gaped open mouthed, and I touched hand and it came away straight red.

As far as the poison - it looked to me like it was a part of the alien itself, though I might be wrong, and considering he wasn't breathing and the first thing he did after being revived sort of was coughing outwards, I could see it not mattering.

I liked the movie, and I thought the return to the older style, less glamorized Hollywood movie is a nice change sometimes. The suspense in the movie was very well done. However, I thought the rave reviews made to much of it. I'd probably give it an 8/10.

[freakandgeek]

i thought the review was pretty funny, but whatever. i still love the movie and its one of my top favorites of the year. and EVERY movie made (well, most of them) can be nit picked...even the great ones that everyone loves.

[Bullet Tooth Tony]

If you didnt like the movie then read this...

Signs Biggest Fan (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0286106/board/thread/585390)

I for one loved the movie and find that the reviewer didn't have the foggiest what he was babbling about.

[Mick]

Originally posted by ColinM
I think you're underestimating how serious losing a wife is. I think it would be enough to make anybody question their faith, even the most faithful.

I am not. Yes, it was a terrible thing to happen, but people die all the time, God wasn't picking on him so there was no need for him to piss and whine about it. Are we meant to feel sympathy for this guy? Yes, and maybe I would have if he stopped acting like a tool.

He's hardly the only religious person to lose a loved one; is a little blind faith too much too ask? Seems like it. "Oh well, all that stuff that happened with the aliens couldn't just be coincidence, God rules. I think I'll be a preacher again". Please. If he wanted to give up his faith after his wife died, then that's fine - it just shows his weakness, but showing him as a preacher again at the end was just silly. The character's a big fat hypocrite, and Shyamalan is a toad.


I'd have felt the same way if he didn't write at the end "Many people who thought it was good changed their mind after reading this review." or whatever. It made it sound like the guy thought he really did something great or something.

The drawings were pretty great :D

[JivaFox]

LOL, that guy is hysterical. Did anybody check the rest of his site? The bit where he "reviews" kids' drawings had me in tears! :D

[Mick]

Originally posted by JivaFox
LOL, that guy is hysterical. Did anybody check the rest of his site? The bit where he "reviews" kids' drawings had me in tears! :D

I checked out the rest of it, it's class. He's right, he does rule all, and anyone who disagrees with him is, indeed, wrong. ;)

http://maddox.xmission.com/cop_movie.html is quite good, and there are quite a few other movie reviews, too. The kids' drawing pages are funny, although some people would probably think he was being deadly serious and start bitching. It would also be off topic :o

[uncle_el]

Originally posted by meltingman
"How about the scene where the wife was smashed into two pieces at the spine, yet she was in no pain, and mind extremely alert

entirely plausible... pain receptors have nothing to do with mental acuity. if indeed your spine was severed, you would feel no pain since 1. the spine itself and internal organs have no pain receptors and 2. the pain receptors from the skin and muscle must travel up the spine- but since the spine is severed, the nerve signal can not travel to the brain, thus no pain is preceived. the brain would still be active as long as blood and oxygen are available. as far as the makeup and hair being perfect, ummmm.... no explanation for me

[uncle_el]

Originally posted by meltingman
and also the part where the alien sprayed the sons face for about 10 to 15 seconds at a range of 6 inches from his face, but because his lungs were 'closed' he wasn't affected. Man, that is some powerful space poison!

the explanation of his lungs being closed wasn't the best way to explain it in the movie, but it's plausible. problem w/ asthma is the airway gets inflamed and constricted- air that is inside gets trapped and "new" air can't get in. thus the alien's space poison wouldn't make it to his lungs since it couldn't get past the inflammation. the kid's inhaler, used afterwards, helps to reduce the inflammation directly and the airways become "open"

[dellamorte dellamore]

This movie blew chunks , i don't see how the hell it made so much money in the theaters . It doesn't work as a drama or as a sci fi alien invasion flick .


I couldn't stand any of the characters ( poorly written ) , they were all annoying little twits . Was that scene of the birthday party supposed to be scary , because i thought it was a joke . It was one of the money shots everyone was raving about , what a huge letdown that was .



I'm pissed because i blew some hard earned duckets on this drivel . More proof that you can't rely on critics , or box office sales for that matter .


Just glad i didn't see this in the theaters , i would have been 9 dollars poorer . Even Unbreakable was more entertaining than this . It looks like M Night whatever the fuck his last name is , is a one hit wonder . I know signs was a box office smash , but i'm talking strictly quality here . I think the guy is way overrated . And to top it off , he's a hackmaster of the highest order . He lifted so many elements from other films with Signs , that i lost count .

[Ender]

Alright, I'm really sick of all of these SIGNS criticisms, so I'm going to lay them to rest right here and now:

***SPOILERS!***

Concering the pantry door, I bought it. Why? Well, let's examine me for a moment. I'm a human being, the most powerful race of creatures on the planet earth. I can create machines which propel me through space at heartstopping speeds, construct weapons of destruction so horrific they boggle the mind, and craft works of art so stunning they endure in people's hearts and minds for centuries. Yes sir, I'm a pretty big deal. But guess what? That door across the hall from me right now? I can't get into it. Why? Because it's locked. Imagine that, me, a human beings, stopped by something as simple as a locked door. Why? Because a whole, my people may be powerful, but individually I am not. Just like the aliens in the movie. Really people, that one was very simple.

Concerning the "water trick" during the ending, I also bought it. Why? Because it was clearly a WAR OF THE WORLDS homage, a way for a filmaker to slap you in the face and say "Yes, sometimes it IS that simple." Besides, there's a certain irony to it as well. If you were fighting off hostile aliens, what's the absoloute last thing you'd think to try? Getting them wet? Precisely.

[Son Gohan]

OMG!!! That is the most funniest site EVER!

"You've Got Mail - No. I will never see this movie, ever. That guy.. I forgot his name.. the shit-head. And her.. I hate her. Stupid. I'm sick of all these "feel good" movies these days. I wonder if anybody actually feels better after seeing one of these movies, or if they try to convince themselves that they do, just so they can cope with the fact that they've wasted their time."

That is so true!

[PorcheRacer]

About this pantry door thing....It says in the book that the son is reading that there bodies wouldn't be strong because there brains are so developed.

[Dumb-Fokker-**]

...I would think, that someone else, at least one person, at the very least, would realize that this alien race, was NOT, I repeat, NOT, routed by those in the Middle-East, using water against them. The little girl, throughout the movie, complained that the water was dirty, and that it had "stuff" in it. Obviously, that stuff, is chemicals. The chemicals in our water, in my opinion, are what affected the alien race.

[Jim H]

"was NOT, I repeat, NOT, routed by those in the Middle-East, using water against them."

So the people who said they defeated them in the Middle East were lying?

If they honestly were so affected by the EXTREMELY minimal amounts of chlorine or what have you in drinking water, then it was nearly as ridiculous as just plain water doing it. Chlorine is also extremely common, and most tap water has it in it. Not to mention we ingest a lot of it, so it's in our bodies throughout, just like water.

The girl just had a mental problem with that, one that I used to have as well (though not as extreme). Just because one thing in the movie, even if a major plot point, doesn't make a lot of sense is fairly irrelevant, at least in my opinion.

And oh yes, if it was the chemicals in the water, then how did the Middle East defeat them? Since most of their water does not have such things in it.

[free]

About this pantry door thing....It says in the book that the son is reading that there bodies wouldn't be strong because there brains are so developed.



But they can jump onto roofs and run faster than any human.






That door across the hall from me right now? I can't get into it. Why? Because it's locked..




I promise you that if i could jump 10 feet in the air, and run that fast, i could break down an old wooden door.

[dellamorte dellamore]

All signs point to overrated and rushed to market . I wonder if Gibson wasn't in it if it would have made as much . He lent some credibility to the proceedings but he couldn't save it

[TheDeadWalk]

It wasn't so much that this criticism (whatever you guys want to call it) changed my mind, it's just that I like to keep an open mind about all things, and never choose to "Close the case" on any subject in mind.

He opened some new ideas to me, that made me think "Jesus christ that was fucking stupid in that movie!"

He was criticizing parts of the movie he didn't like. He isn't a movie reviewer, just a guy with his own webpage that bitches about everything under the sun.

And the part "People have changed they're minds after reading this review" is a broken down counter. It should say something like "293874293874298347 people have changed they're minds after reading this review."

He writes those at the bottom of every page, because he's an asshole, and the opening of his page says "If you don't think like me, you're wrong.." It's just a big joke site, nothing is meant to be taken too seriously, but I just thought that this column was really interesting in opening up the stupid parts of the film, and I thought it was hilarious... When I first clicked on it, I knew from the other readings he was doing, I wasn't going to be seeing some "Ebert and Roppert" review, so I don't feel the need to criticize his flaws in reviewing, because it was never meant to be a professional review, more like a "bitching".

And by the way... I don't think the Chlorine in the water was what killed the aliens... I think it was purely water, as was subtly noted in the film.