My incomplete zombie story

[Toxferatu]

http://toxicavenger138.250x.com/zombie.txt



what do you think? any pointers or critisizm welcome. thats what i'm posting it for.

the plan is, to write it in this for, make it into a script afterwards then hopefully to be made into a movie. its just a dream, but i can hope lol.

its just gonna be a b-rated low budget fun splatter flick really. i'm not too worried about complete originality or anything. but just to make a fun zombie movie with a hopefully interesting plot.

cut and paste into your notepad.

its far from done, i just wanted to see what you shmoes think so far.

[the night watchman]

Good start, Tox. What you have might make a fun low-budget gore-fest. I especially like your zombies; very different, you should keep them in the story longer. Your descriptions of the gore and mayhem are vivid and entertaining.

The only things I didn't care for were the in-jokes with some of the character and street names and the lack of character introduction and development before the monsters attack the main characters. I realized this is a gore flick, but give me a little reason why I should care about these people. Even "Evil Dead 2" had a few scenes before the monsters came. ;)

Anywho, good start. :)

[Toxferatu]

thanks man :D


yeah, the elm street thing is gone as soon as i can think of something better. its not subtle enough, its screaming "FREDDY KRUEGER REFERENCE!!!!" whereas the other references arent as obvious. unless you've seen the movies thier from, which are more obscure movies to start with.

my only fear is i'm ripping off phantasm way too much, the cool car, reggie's character(which if it ever becomes a movie, part of the dream is to have reggie bannister play that part), the brothers. just too much of it is too similar. but, then again, horror isnt exactly the most original genre out there. so i dont know.

the names need work too, i'd like to have some more memerable names to the characters. so that'll be another thing to work on, thats just a rough draft of what i have so far. so things will get changed around alot as i go.

there'll be a big ass zombie battle later on, just workin up to it. got some more characters to add in and that kinda thing first.

did you think the references were too much? i think i've overdone it in the reference department. but there are some things that are too obvious that need to go, like elm street. that was just the spur of the moment and didnt like it when i started using it lol.

but the subtle ones like "we won't need that" when Rob goes for the box in Reg's trunk are less noticeable. of course its directly from bad taste, but its not a screaming reference.


the charger is my dad's toy, i had to write it in.

[the night watchman]

Here's a site I go to for character names:

http://www.behindthename.com/

[free]

I agree, great start. You definintly need to have something with the hand. You should have Reg's true past turn up, such as his REAL job in 'Nam was experimental biological weaponry, and have it revealed that he is the person who created the serum for the zombies, and maybe have the Feds come in and try to keep it under the Sheets so to speak.


Maybe a little too Outbreak meets Resident Evil?

[Toxferatu]

sounds cool, but i'd just like to keep it as a cloning commentary. might do one involving that plotline later, sounds iinteresting. that has a little reaminator feel to it as well with zombie syrum. for something like that, it'd have to be a bigger budget. trying to show some of reg's time in nam would be tough to pull off.

hell, that could make a great sequal to this one.


when reg tells the story of his past, that will be an ode to jaws. it will be like quint's story of the indianapolis. i just havent written it yet, but i wanted to move on with the story so i just ...ed it and i'll go back later and put it in.

[free]

Originally posted by Toxferatu
sounds cool, but i'd just like to keep it as a cloning commentary.


Just off the top of my head, i thought about a twist that would involve Reggie being a clone himself.


For a title, i was thinking, Replicates ...{cheesy i know}....