BLLODY MURDER IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS (Long Post)

[Scully1888]

CHAPTER 1 - "Opening Credits"

0:00:04 - 4 seconds into the movie, a car drives through the country side, with country-style music blasting at loud volume.
0:00:13 - It's still driving into the camera.
0:00:27 - It's finally stopped. It looks as if the car has stopped perfectly, but apparently it has broken down. A voice then utters the first line in this immortal movie: "I dunno whats going on but I just filled up the gas tank 20 minutes ago".
0:00:33 - Cut to a guy called Bill and a pregnant woman in the car. The pregnant woman may have no connection to the movie whatsoever. Anyway, the guy gets out of the car.
0:00:53 - He takes a petrol tank out of his car boot and closes the pregnant woman's car, not bothering to lock the door. LOL. Actually, I think this is meant to be the black girl's dad later on in the movie, but they obviously make it so vague that nobody notices. Or cares.
0:00:56 - Some suitably eerie music comes on as he walks down the road.
0:01:02 - As he walks down a long part of the road, the director seems to think it's a good idea to do a fade, so that the guy disappears from the start of the road and fades to the end of the road, still walking. By doing this, the director has managed to save 4 seconds of filming. The fact that it looks stupid doesn't matter.
0:01:15 - He comes across a guy just standing next to his truck in the middle of a forest road, while it's pitch black. As you would, Bill tries talking to this mystery man, asking him for "a lift back to the station".
0:01:20 - The mystery man turns his truck's lights on (why?) and Bill puts his hand over his eyes, in what has to be the worst acting since Ghostwriter.
0:01:25 - As Bill says "it's really fortunate I ran into you" (ho ho...), the man steps out. He is wearing a jumpsuit (just like in Halloween), a hockey mask (just like in Friday the 13th) and is holding a chainsaw in his right hand (just like in Texas Chainsaw Massacre).
0:01:32 - The killer's name is muttered by a shocked Bill: "Trevor Moorhouse..." In fact, it is so much like Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th that I laugh. A lot.
0:01:36 - FALL NUMBER 1 - Bill falls from a stationary position in an attempt to escape.
0:01:40 - Closeup on the chainsaw, as if we didn't know what was making the chainsaw noise.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 1 - The chainsaw isn't even on. The blades are stationary.
0:01:44 - Bill proceeds to run: not back in the opposite direction down the road again, where the tarmac will provide a solid surface for him to get a steady footing, and possibly flag down an oncoming car, but instead Bill takes a right turn and runs straight through the forest, waving his arms about like that girl in Scary Movie did, only this time he doesn't mean it.
0:01:48 - I've just noticed that he's running in an S-shape direction through the forest. Surely he'd pick up some time if he just ran straight instead of making sure he hit every blade of grass within a 20ft radius.
0:01:53 - Trevor (what a name for a murderer) pushes aside a plant with his chainsaw. Funnily, the plant doesn't cut. It just kind of moves out of the way.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 2 - There seem to be huge spotlights all over the forest. This is the only explanation I can give for the bright white light shining on the characters' faces.
0:01:54 - FALL NUMBER 2 - Bill's zigzaggy running technique causes him to fall for a second time.
0:02:02 - Trevor continues to WALK after Bill, in a way that could only be described as "drunken".
0:02:13 - Trevor knocks aside another twig with what is effectively a metal stick.
0:02:20 - FALL NUMBER 3 - Whilst running and turning around every 2 seconds to look at Trevor, Bill falls as if he has been shot in the back of the leg. He hasn't.
0:02:23 - Bill makes no attempt to run away while Trevor, having not broken into a run throughout any part of the chase, and having wasted time knocking over twigs and plants, has caught up with him in a matter of seconds.
0:02:26 - Close up of Bill's face going "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo etc".
DEATH NUMBER 1 - Bill dies by chainsaw to the stomach.
0:02:27 - As Trevor goes in for the kill, we see... a cut to the same forest, presumably years later, in the daytime.
0:02:31 - The very first line these teenagers say is incorrect. "How could he drive with a chainsaw for a right hand?". It turns out they are talking about the Trevor Moorhouse 'legend'. This is totally wrong, because the guy took the chainsaw out of the car with his left hand, then simply held it with his right.
0:02:35 - Oh, I've just been informed by stereotypically funny and zany teenager boy (SFAZTY) that "It was left hand and I'm telling you, it happened". You're a liar son, it wasn't on any hand.
0:02:44 - The driver guy with the mighty mullet rubbishes these legends, labelling them as "bullshit. Camp lore. There's no such person as Trevor Moorhouse".
0:02:46 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 1 - SFATZY replies with "I guess that's what we'll tell ourselves when we're trying to sleep at night", followed by guffaws of the highest degree. Uh... what?
0:02:53 - Finally the laughing finishes, and the main titles come up. I believe the font is Arial, white, bold. First of all, up comes "MAINLINE RELEASING".
0:02:56 - "IN ASSOSCIATION WITH HEMISPHERE ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS".
0:03:00 - "A MARC GREENBERG, RICH GOLDBERG PRODUCTION".
0:03:04 - "A RALPH PORTILLO FILM".
0:03:08 - "SCREAM BLOODY MURDER".
0:03:12 - "JESSICA MORRIS". Never heard of her.
0:03:16 - "PETER GUILLEMETTE". Nope, sorry.
0:03:24 - That appears to be the end of the titles. Two actors. At this point, some guy, who is sitting in the front seat, turns round to Julie, who is sitting in the back.
0:03:25 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 2 - He says to her "Contrary to what your father would have you believe, I'm not the big bad wolf, Jules." Everyone else in the car pisses themselves laughing.
0:03:38 - Oh wait, more titles. "PATRICK CAVENAUGH".
0:03:42 - "CHRISTELLE FORD".
0:03:46 - "MICHAEL STONE".
0:03:50 - "JUSTIN MARTIN". Obviously this has been put through an Apple Mac and told to add a line evry 4 seconds.
0:03:54 - "TRACY PACHECO, LINDSEY LEIGH, DAVE SMIGELSKI". It's quite funny that these actors are even worse than those who got 4 seconds to themselves. These douchebags have to share their 4 seconds of fame with 2 other losers.
0:03:58 - "MICHAEL PROHASKA, WILLIAM WINTER, JERRY RICHARDS". Now, I don't remember this many characters being in the movie. I think they're giving the actor who played the guy that covered up the killer with the body bag and stuff like that.
0:04:02 - "CASTING: DEBBIE NELSON". Strike her off the casting list.
0:04:06 - "MUSIC: STEVEN STERN". What a guy.
0:04:10 - "EDITOR: CARLOS PUENTE". This guy's editing is atrocious. More on that later.
0:04:14 - "DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY: KEITH HOLLAND". What photography? Oh you mean the crap with the closeups and all that? You mean you pay somebody to make it look that bad?
0:04:18 - "EXECTUTIVE PRODUCERS: MARC GREENBERG, RICH GOLDBERG, MARC BIENSTOCK". Why is there a guy called Beanstalk, and why are they 'executives'? You can just picture them staying over at Beanstalk's house, arguing over the movie with a cup of hot cocoa and sheriff badges that say "executive" on them, as if they were part of a secret movie club and they'd made each other executives so they could boss other people in the club around.
0:04:22 - "PRODUCED BY RALPH PORTILLO, JAMIE ELLIOTT". Wait a minute. If these are the producers, then what do the executive producers do?

CHAPTER 2 - "Arrival"

0:04:25 - A rather butch-looking camp owner called Patrick comes over as the teens arrive at the camp. Not a word of welcome is uttered, instead he begins to round off their names with unnerving accuracy. "Let's see: Dean," he says, looking at the guy with the ferocious mullet, then "Whitney," a sort of half-cast girl who may be Latino, I don't know/care. Followed closely by "Jason," the cheesy Big Bad Wolf guy, "Julie," the lead role who is extremely cute, but couldn't hold a kindergarten school play in terms of acting, "aaand... Toby", who is the aforementioned SFATZY. This whole action is performed in 3 seconds, meaning that you've already forgotten their names and don't care about them before the guy's even finished.
0:04:28 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 3 - As a response to Patrick (the camp owner)'s accuracy in naming them, Toby retorts with "Wow, do you bend spoons too?" which leads to hysteria throughout. What. The. Hell.
0:04:33 - Patrick dingys Toby and tells everyone that he recognised them from their applications. You mean they applied to join this camp? That's pretty gay.
0:04:38 - Patrick announces that "I'll be your boss for the next 6 weeks".
0:04:39 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 4 - As a response to this, Toby does a salute. It gets little to no reaction.
0:04:42 - With a welcome of "Uh-oh", Brad is introduced to the posse. It turns out that he is already accquainted with them, especially Jason.
0:04:55 - Let's let Brad explain it. "Jason and I used to run track against each other in school. Last time we ran for qualifications, he broke his knee ten yards from the finish line." Jason's (almost mumbled) response is "Well that's funny, I don't recall that was the last time you raced". I've rewinded and replayed this scene about 10 times, and I still don't get what the conflict is here. Uh... why is he pissed off?
0:05:13 - They are joined by another cute blonde (who unfortunately doesn't get much lines... or nudity), and a guy with long hair who looks like Dave Grohl when he was in Nirvana. They aren't even given names yet.
0:05:34 - Dean and Jason help Patrick "move wood", which could mean something else, while Julie, Toby and Whitney go to make the food.
0:06:07 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 5 - Toby (who else) states that "It frightens me to think that my diet for the next 8 weeks will consist primarily of cream, spinach and Mrs. Peet's tater tots". What the hell does that mean? Surely there's more food than that?
0:06:10 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 6 - Whitney's reaction to this is "Oh, not me. I'm sticking with what I know - Ritz crackers and peanut butter. The basic building blocks of a well-rounded eating disorder". Nobody talks like that, shut up.
0:06:19 - Toby points out the obvious. "Wow, no shortage of knives in here."
0:06:39 - Whitney goes into the pantry and turns the light on, initiating a "spooky" musical sting to hit. For no reason.
0:06:50 - Julie, carrying a box, enters a freezer. On the freezer's door it says "CAUTION: DOOR LOCKS FROM OUTSIDE". Toby follows her and the door is both open and stationary, showing no signs of closing by itself.
0:07:01 - The door closes by itself. They are locked in.
0:07:04 - Toby, quoting the door notice perfectly, says "Well don't look at me, I didn't know it locked from the outside". Julie tells him "Well, there was a sign on the door".
0:07:11 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 7 - Toby's reply is "It's summer right? I'm not looking for a reason to read". So far, he hasn't hit the target with any of his jokes.
0:07:34 - Cut to outside the camp again. As they go to the car, Jason asks Dean "So Dean, am I a happy camper?" Dean opens the car boot and brings out a big rack of beer.
0:07:46 - Dean has 'hilariously' brought a hockey mask with him, or rather he tells us, Toby has, because "he brought it to scare the kids". Sad bastard.
0:07:49 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 8 - Jason puts on the mask and mimics Psycho, going "EE EE EE".
0:07:59 - Cut back to the freezer, where Toby and Julie don't have any goosebumps at all, despite having been in the freezer for a fair bit.
0:08:05 - Toby tries to hit on Julie with what has to be the worst pick-up line I've heard in my life. "Y'know Julie, if it comes down to it I'm willing to be with you carnally... in order to stay warm, of course."
0:08:17 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 9 - Whitney opens the freezer door and tells Toby to try his pick-up lines only at room temperatur or above, because "you'll never get a girl to take her shirt off in the refridgerator". Don't know why not, it's not as if it's any colder, I mean there are no goosebumps or anything...

CHAPTER 3 - "A New Friend"

0:08:27 - Cut to the lake, and some suitably cheesy Jimmy Buffet/Frontierland music playing.
0:08:31 - Toby and Jason are carrying a canoe to the end of the dock, as are Julie, Whitney and Dean.
0:08:38 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 10 - Dean pulls the end of the canoe he's carrying, saying "hey, watch your footing there, Whit." Obviously being made to nearly fall is not funny to Whitney, hence her reaction "Dean I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you". Could she be the killer?
0:08:41 - Dean explains to Julie that this was funny because "Whitney can't swim". That shouldn't make a difference though, because they weren't even on the dock when he did it.
0:08:46 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 11 - Julie's reaction says it all. "No way". Whitney is obviously pissed off, and Dean's reaction is to do a stupid litte biting thing. For no reason.
0:08:50 - Toby and Jason drop off their canoe in to the water, and Toby offers "hey, I'll help you guys". How many people does it take to carry a damn canoe?
0:08:56 - The girls cleverly let go of the canoe, forcing Toby and Dean to drop the canoe into the water, but not before a count of "one, two, three".
0:09:00 - Toby looks at them both in disgust for some reason. Could he be the killer?
0:09:05 - Patrick and a mystery black girl come out carrying another canoe.
0:09:16 - Again, another three count is needed.
0:09:20 - The girl is announced by Patrick as being called "Drew Zemky". He then goes through everyone's names again.
0:09:28 - Everyone replies with the line "Hey, how's it goin". The problem is, EVERYONE replies with the line, at different intervals so it sounds as if they're all 'Bounce With Me Tiggers' and someone's pressed them one at a time. It's a bit like the Fembots in Austin Powers that say "You can't resist us Mr Powers".
0:09:33 - Patrick makes Julie and Drew co-counsellors. This takes me back to the "Executive Producers" thing again. The fact that they are co-counsellors makes no difference to the story whatsoever, except for the fact that they now sleep in bunkbeds.
0:09:37 - A random view of the trees. This Trevor Moorhouse guy must be a lot scarier than once thought, as he has managed to make mountains appear behind the trees. At the start of the scene, there were no mountains at all, and now they are blatantly obvious. This either rules out every character as the murder and tells us that Trevor is a magician or a warlock, or it rules out the editor as a good editor. I'll go for the second one - you make up your own mind.
0:09:40 - Cut to Julie and Drew walking through the woods. This is a hilarious conversation so I'm going to provide it in script form, with my own comments in parentheses.

JULIE: So where are you from?
DREW: All over, we moved around a lot (hmm, bit vague). Boston most recently. What about you?
JULIE: Small town (could you get any more vague than "Small town"?). About 2 and a half hours south of here.
DREW (INTERUPTING JULIE, AS IF SHE'S DESPERATE TO SAY HER LINE): Small towns are great.
JULIE: Yeah, if you don't have to live in one (Oh. Kay.).
DREW: Well try living in the city for a while. After that, you really crave the peace of a small place.
JULIE: I don't know...
DREW: Oh come on (it's as if she's forcing her to do drugs or something)! Everybody knows your name, all those deep dark hidden secrets that everybody tries to ignore...
JULIE: That's good?
DREW: Okay, well where else have you lived?
JULIE: That's it (what? Just "small town"?). I've lived there all my life.

Exactly. No point whatsoever, and it's just used up 37 seconds of footage. Bastards.
0:10:20 - Julie and Drew are walking perfectly in sync, when Drew tells her that she needs to go back because she forgot her camper list. What does she need a camper list for? Could she be the killer? She goes, and Julie keeps going by herself.
0:10:32 - As she walks past a tree, an old man in a blue jumpsuit grabs her shoulder and tells her "there's danger in these woods. Nelson's come back for revenge". He then nods to himself and walks away. Oh .... kay. He also has an orange face and a big birthmark. Could he be the killer?
0:10:56 - Julie meets Patrick back at the camp. He's carrying some big boxes. She asks him about the old guy. He tells her that it was "Henry. Yeah he used to run the camp up here years ago, back when I was a camper".
0:11:06 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 12 / SEVERE MEDICAL ERROR - He goes on "that was before the Altzheimer's kicked in". Now, Altzheimer's disease is an illness that affects memory, and leads to sufferers of the illness being forgetful at times. How does Patrick imitate Henry's Altzheimers? HE SHAKES AND LOOKS LIKE JIM CARREY. What. The. Hell. Does. That. Have. To. Do. With. Altzheimer's. Obviously he is confused with Parkinson's.
0:11:15 - Patrick is carrying these two boxes with the greatest of ease, yet he pointlessly asks Julie to take one for him. Sadistic bastard. Suddenly, however, it seems as if a single box is a lot heavier for Patrick than two boxes at once. Perhaps he wasn't imitating Altzheimer's, and he really does have a physical problem? Or perhaps he sucks at acting? Again, I'll go for the second one - you make up your own mind.
0:11:25 - Cut to a shitty-looking hut. Julie and Drew are apparently inside it. Juile is typing an e-mail.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 3 - A hugh continuity error on Julie's monitor. Her e-mail, according to the monitor (at first) and her voiceover (which sounds like it's been recorded in a wind tunnel), reads like this:

You were right about this place. It really is beautiful up here. I miss you, Dad. Write me. Love Julie.

Just after "write me" is typed onto the monitor, the camera cuts to a shot of Julie typing, then it cuts back to the monitor. However, the typing of the words "Love Julie" seem to have added about 3 lines of text to the e-mail. In fact, it's a totally different e-mail. Here it is:

There's an old man up here named Henry. Patrick said that he used to run the camp years ago. Anyway, he knew your name, and asked me to ask you "what really happened to Nelson?" Any idea what he was talking about? Miss you. Love Jules.

Obviously this cut was meant to be used later on in the movie, but it's not even a small mistake that it would take a sad guy to spot. It's blatantly obvious. It cuts to her face for 2 seconds and when it comes back, there's an extra 3 full lines of text. Anyway.
0:11:38 - Drew sees a photo of Julie's mom on the desk, and says "she's really pretty". At this point the odds are that she'd died.
0:11:43 - Julie says, wait for it, "Yeah. She uh... she died recently". THERE IT IS!!!!!
0:11:46 - Drew replies with "Wow". Uh, not a reaction I'm used to seeing in movies. Oh wait, here we go. "I'm sorry. I lost one of my parents too". That's more like it.
0:12:00 - After about 15 seconds of pure silence and boredom, Julie hears a knock at the window.
0:12:03 - A guy in a hockey mask slowly moves his head up to the window, as if he's on a really slow elevator.
0:12:05 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 13 - The mask is removed, and it's Jason, laughing.
0:12:10 - Julie is furious. She yells at him in a fit of rage "DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!" This looks promising.
0:12:11 - Jason tells her that everyone's at a campfire, and does she want to come?
0:12:13 - Julie smiles and says "yeah", laughing. What the hell? Obviously Julie can be swayed VERY easily.
0:12:32 - Drew doesn't want to go, but she checks her e-mails instead. As Julie leaves, Drew looks at her with an evil look. Could she be the killer?

TO BE CONTINUED...

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 01-14-2002).]

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 04-25-2002).]

[SteveSzyk]

Man thats awesome! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif This movie sucks big time, and if you want to see it, read that!

BTW, Bloody Murder will never be as famous as Plan 9!




[This message has been edited by SteveSzyk (edited 09-15-2001).]

[Prairiedogking]

LOL, can't wait for the rest

[Requiem-for-a-Dream]

Man this movie blows, you do justice to it.

Matt

[The Rob]

dude that actually makes me want to wtach it http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Dr Martin Luther Loomis]

DAMN!

[Rich]

man Almost makes me want to watch it again...

Rich

[Cyclonus]

<peeks out from under rock> That's why I'm afraid to read it! <goes back into hiding>

[cereal killer]

good job scully but the movie still sucks all mighty dick.

[ArmyJacket]

I aplaud you dude, i damn near pissed myself laughing while reading this. Bloody Murder is by far the worst movie i've ever seen.

Highlights:

PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 3 - As a response to Patrick (the camp owner)'s accuracy in naming them, Toby retorts with "Wow, do you bend spoons too?" which leads to hysteria throughout. What. The. Hell.

0:07:46 - Dean has 'hilariously' brought a hockey mask with him, or rather he tells us, Toby has, because "he brought it to scare the kids". Sad bastard.

0:09:37 - A random view of the trees. This Trevor Moorhouse guy must be a lot scarier than once thought, as he has managed to make mountains appear behind the trees. At the start of the scene, there were no mountains at all, and now they are blatantly obvious. This either rules out every character as the murder and tells us that Trevor is a magician or a warlock, or it rules out the editor as a good editor. I'll go for the second one - you make up your own mind.

0:12:03 - A guy in a hockey mask slowly moves his head up to the window, as if he's on a really slow elevator.

[Jason Voorhees]

Initially, I hated this flick...but after a few more viewings, I began to appreciate its cheesy glory.

I actually...like it...quite a bit.

P.S. Sadly, my friends refer to me as "Trevor Moorehouse" because of my praising this film...

[*sweet psychotic*]

LOL! Oh my god I almost pissed myself laughing at some parts.

0:01:02 - As he walks down a long part of the road, the director seems to think it's a good idea to do a fade, so that the guy disappears from the start of the road and fades to the end of the road, still walking. By doing this, the director has managed to save 4 seconds of filming. The fact that it looks stupid doesn't matter.
0:01:40 - Closeup on the chainsaw, as if we didn't know what was making the chainsaw noise.
0:01:44 - Bill proceeds to run: not back in the opposite direction down the road again, where the tarmac will provide a solid surface for him to get a steady footing, and possibly flag down an oncoming car, but instead Bill takes a right turn and runs straight through the forest, waving his arms about like that girl in Scary Movie did, only this time he doesn't mean it.
0:01:48 - I've just noticed that he's running in an S-shape direction through the forest. Surely he'd pick up some time if he just ran straight instead of making sure he hit every blade of grass within a 20ft radius.
0:01:53 - Trevor (what a name for a murderer) pushes aside a plant with his chainsaw. Funnily, the plant doesn't cut. It just kind of moves out of the way.
0:03:24 - That appears to be the end of the titles. Two actors. At this point, some guy, who is sitting in the front seat, turns round to Julie, who is sitting in the back.
0:03:25 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 2 - He says to her "Contrary to what your father would have you believe, I'm not the big bad wolf, Jules." Everyone else in the car pisses themselves laughing.
0:03:38 - Oh wait, more titles. "PATRICK CAVENAUGH".

LOLOL!Can't wait for the rest.

[Jason Voorhees]

You have an amazingly analytical mind, Scully. Upon my first viewing, I got so bored with this movie that I couldn't focus on it at all.

On somewhat related note, I love that scene where the guy falls down and says ''Trevor Moorehouse.'' It almost sounded like he started laughing at the end of that statement.

Furthermore, I'm sure you've noticed this...but at times it seems that the "actors" are cueing or being cued by someone; say, like when one actor turns to look at the other, prompting the second actor to butcher an already atrocious line... Terrible...

[Scully1888]

Thanks for the support guys, it makes this huge task seem worthwhile. It obviously takes a long time to do this... it takes well over 2 hours to write 10 minutes, with my DVD player and TV next to me.

I'm now at about the 70-minute mark of this 90-minute beast. It should be finished by the end of the week, but I'm warning you all now, this will be a huge post. I'm actually wondering how big posts are allowed to be in this thing. Does anyone know? Because I may have to start e-mailing MS Word versions of it to people.

[Jason Voorhees]

Well, if that's what you decide to do, Scully, I'll definitely throw my e-mail address down :).

[*sweet psychotic*]

Yeah, me too.

[ominous_oat]

If it comes to that, count me in

[someguy]

I think it's better to do each bit in 20 minute intervals. Some people on the boards might not give away their e-mail address and I think it'll be funnier to read it in intervals because it'll get tiresome doing everything at one time and it'll lose it's humor.

[Scully1888]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by someguy:
I think it's better to do each bit in 20 minute intervals. Some people on the boards might not give away their e-mail address and I think it'll be funnier to read it in intervals because it'll get tiresome doing everything at one time and it'll lose it's humor. </font>

Yeah, I was thinking about that and I kinda agree with you. Besides, I don't think everyone (myself included, seeing as I'm using a crappy P133) has enough RAM to open a Word document that will be at least 1.5mb in size. At the very least, that is.

[ominous_oat]

I saw this drifting dangerously towards the bottom, so I figured i'd BUMP it up just in case. Hey you never know.

[Scully1888]

Thanks oat, but... I have some extremely bad news...

IMPORTANT MESSAGE REGARDING THE BLOODY MURDER IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS.

Unfortunately, due to powers beyond my control (ie my little brother's stupidity), my Bloody Murder in-depth analysis (which I had managed to get up to 80 minutes and into the final chase scene, after the killer had been revealed to a ridiculously bad monologue) has... BEEN DELETED.

I have a backp copy on my old computer, but there are two bad points about it. Point 1 - It's only been done up to 20 minutes. Point 2 - It's in Edinburgh, in my university flat.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I say to you - the Bloody Murder in-depth analysis is postponed indefinitely. It WILL be here eventually, the problem is that it won't be here for the end of the week. For now, I'll post the rest of what I have, which is pretty much the whole of the "bloody murder" game, and I'll get right back on it again as soon as I've convinced my parents to let me take a TV and DVD player up to Edinburgh with me when I go back on Sunday.

&lt;BLOODY MURDER GAME MOVED TO A LATER POST&gt;

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 01-14-2002).]

[malaria]

Just got round to reading this.
Great job Scully. Bloody hilarious. This film sounds shit. I'm looking forward to seeing the shitfest but I'm putting it off 'til I've read the rest.
Can't wait. Little brothers eh? Tchock!

[ominous_oat]

BUMP! Can't let this topic die

[chinton]

seriously scully I think I speak for everyone when I say you go girl. You are so funny you deserve to be on mystery scince theater 3000

[TooL]

This..is making me want to see the film...Again..

[Scully1888]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by chinton:
seriously scully I think I speak for everyone when I say you go girl. You are so funny you deserve to be on mystery scince theater 3000</font>

Thanks chinton. I appreciate everything you say except for "girl". I was cursed with the nickname "Scully" since I was 5 (before the X-Files) because my full name is Christopher Scullion.

Damn you Gillian Anderson.

So anyway, I'm male.

[Scully1888]

EXCELLENT NEWS!!!!!!!!!

After some heavy bartering with my parents, I've managed to get a DVD player in my University flat! Which means that the Analysis will be complete a lot quicker than it would have been if I'd to do it with the VHS version.

Now, because my university computer sucks ass, I've decided that I'll post the Analysis in chapter-by-chapter form, going by the chapters on the DVD. This means that each portion will be between 3-10 minutes long. (I know it doesn't seem like much, but just look at, for example, how much is written between 0:00:00 and 0:03:00. That's how much you'll get a day, AT LEAST.
That's right, I'll try to post a chapter every day.

For an example of how big this thing's going to be: what you've read already is chapters 1-4. There are 22 chapters.

You can see how much time this is taking me to write, which is why I appreciate all your words of support.

So, many thanks (so far) to:

- SteveSzyk (nice to know a moderator likes my work).
- Prairiedogking.
- Requiem-for-a-Dream.
- The Rob.
- Dr Martin Luther Loomis.
- Rich.
- Cyclonus.
- cereal killer.
- ArmyJacket (thanks for taking time to post your favourite highlights).
- Jason Voorhees (thanks - you've made me watch their acting techniques a lot more cloesly to see if they look as if they're being prompted. It's comedy, lol).
- *sweet psychotic*.
- ominous_oat (many, many thanks for constantly bumping and keeping this thread alive).
- someguy.
- malaria.
- chinton (except for calling me female, lol).
- TooL.

Again, many thanks, and I'll be back tomorrow with the next part. I'll also edit my original post to put it into chapters.

[Jason Voorhees]

You're quite welcome, Scully. This stuff is truly high quality, man. For those of you who haven't seen the film, you're gonna love the "twist" ending...

;).

[Jason Voorhees]

Anyone wanna play Bloody Murder? Okay, maybe not...

[TooL]

Hey Scully,

Your Welcome and thanks for doing this..

[someguy]

Your welcome Scully. At least it'll be easier for you to do the analysis now.

[chinton]

sorry about calling you a girl but you really are as funny as those people on mystery science theater 3000

[Zing!]

Holy hell, Scully, are you a glutton for punishment or what?!?!?! I could barely make myself sit through this gigantic turd, much less break it down as you have. I'm starting to think you have mental problems, but I love it! Keep up the good work, I've laughed my ass off so far! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif

[Scully1888]

Thanks again guys, it's coming, trust me...

I maybe went a bit ahead of myself saying I could do a chapter a day... I just don't have that kind of time. Needless to say, I'll have done a shitload by the end of this weekend, because I'll be taking a break from my studying (being a journalism student ain't all it's cracked up to be...).

So expect a lot on Monday.

Until then, here's a quote to live your life by. For those of you who've seen the movie, you may remember it. For those who haven't, it's a taste of scriptual genius to come.

"Misery comes in lots of different forms... it's all miserable."

[Scully1888]

Hey, I was thinking... what'll happen when I eventually finish this?

I mean, surely it won't keep getting bumped forever. I want something that'll last. Does anyone know a website that may accept it? Because joblo.com is far too big to take schmoe submissions, and Arrow, JoBlo and the rest are doing a great job.
I mean, I'd like it to be a joblo.com exclusive, because the site rules all ass, but I don't want it to just disappear after a while. It's taken far too long to do for that to happen.

[Scully1888]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Scully1888:
Hey, I was thinking... what'll happen when I eventually finish this?

I mean, surely it won't keep getting bumped forever. I want something that'll last. Does anyone know a website that may accept it? Because joblo.com is far too big to take schmoe submissions, and Arrow, JoBlo and the rest are doing a great job as it is without schmoes trying to submit work and pissing them off.
I mean, I'd like it to be a joblo.com exclusive, because the site rules all ass, but I don't want it to just disappear after a while. It's taken far too long to do for that to happen.</font>

[Jason Voorhees]

Well, you'd probably have to create a Geocities or Angelfire page to hold all the info. And even then, I'm not sure just how much bandwidth they allow.

[Cyclonus]

In the meantime just save it on at least a half-dozen backup discs!

[chinton]

not to rush you scully but how far are you getting the next post up. your posts are one of the things I look forward to every day.

[chinton]

just keeping it at the top

[Scully1888]

Thanks again, chinton. I'm really sorry for the constant delays. It seems like I keep making promises and breaking them. I've got an update but it's not a huge one. This is my final promise, and it'll be true this time - tomorrow (Tuesday the 15th) will be a HUGE update.
Today, however, I've edited my original post to correct some spelling and organise it into chapters, and I'm going to add a little bit more in my next post, in five minutes.
Thanks again everyone.

[Scully1888]

Here we go. I've moved the bit of Chapter 4 I had in an earlier post to this bit, so I can now give you the full chapter 4, of which a small part is new. It's not much, but it's something.

I fully promise, however, that I will at least have THE FULL CHAPTER 5 by the end of tomorrow (Tuesday the 15th).


CHAPTER 4 - "The Bloody Murder Game"

0:12:34 - Cut to a campfire scene. Everyone's there except for Patrick and Drew. Could they be the killers? Could anyone care by now?
0:12:51 - Jason breaks the ice with the most stupid thing I've heard in my life. bearing in mind that these people are at least past their teens, as I'm 19 and they look a couple of years older than me. "So, anyone wanna play 'Bloody Murder'?". Oh my God, this guy's just asked everyone if they want to play tag.
0:12:53 - The cute blonde girl with no name as of yet asks "how do you play?". Are you serious? Actually, how DO you play?
Is this an American game, because I've never played it in Scotland...
0:12:54 - Jason tells us the following. Don't try this at home. Not because it's dangerous, but because it sounds so boring that it could make you fall asleep and Freddy could kill you. Plus it sounds really confusing:

"The rules are simple. As in the best of games," he says while letting a little giggle escape, "one person is it. That person runs off to hide as the rest of the group waits by home base and counts to midnight: one o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock, et cetera. At midnight, they break off in seperate directions and try to find 'it'. Whoever manages to find 'it' first yells BLOODY MURDER and everybody runs back to home base. But, if 'it' manages to tag any other player before they reach home base, that person is 'it' next game, and the whole thing starts all over again."

Sounds stupid.
0:13:21 - "Sounds fun", says the nameless blonde. "Let's play". To quote Chucky, "you've gotta be fucking kidding me".
0:13:24 - Jason tells us that it takes a big group to get it to work. So we're now going to get everyone's reaction to the game. Will they play or won't they?
0:13:26 - Dean says "I'm in".
0:13:28 - Whitney? "Yeah alright."
0:13:29 - The unnamed surfer dude looks desperate. "I'LL PLAY."
0:13:30 - Toby might as well play too. "Why not?"
0:13:34 - Dean asks Jules if she wants to play. Her reaction - "What is this, kindergarten?". Finally, a sensible person.
0:13:37 - "C'mon" says Jason.
0:13:39 - She really gets controlled by people. "Yeah okay" she says. She was in control for a whole 5 seconds.
0:13:42 - Brad isn't amused. "Nah I don't think so he says".
0:13:46 - Julie looks at him. He obviously likes her, cause it makes him say "alright".
0:13:58 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 14 - Jason decides to be 'it', and tells the rest of the group "remember to keep an eye out for Trevor Moorhouse... we're playing in his backyard!" Everyone kinda half-laughs.
0:14:06 - We fade to a night-time forest scene, and it seems like the spotlights have come back. Nobody can clearly argue that it's meant to be moonlight, because the moon only seems to be shining on the actors and not anything else, and besides, the moon's not a dirty huge beam of light. It can't light them up THAT much.
0:14:07 - PAINTED TREE APPEARANCE 1 - This is the first of many times we see a tree with a splodge of paint on it. Yes, it's the same tree, but it's meant to be different parts of the forest. Obviously the film crew just put a splodge of paint on the tree so that they could remember what tree they were going to film at, but couldn't they have made it less obvious that it's the SAME DAMN TREE? Comedy. Anyway, Whitney is seen playing "Bloody Murder", which seemingly involves running about like an idiot past a painted tree lots of times.
0:14:16 - She's obviously pissed off with this crappy, crappy game. "Jason just show yourself," she says, "so we can get this over with." She quickly follows with "I hate this stupid game," although to be fair she really should have known what it was all about when Jason explained the rules, and she did say "yeah alright" before she was even asked if she wanted to play.
0:14:20 - Pointless shot of Brad walking, which lasts about 6 seconds too long (in other words, it lasts 6 seconds).
0:14:27 - Toby sees a trashcan that would not fit a human being unless it was Gary Coleman, star of Diff'rent Strokes, and he lost a bit of weight and was stuffed into it after having his head cut off. Therefore, there would be no point in Toby looking into the trashcan, because Jason wouldn't be in it. So there would be NO POINT AT ALL IN OPENING THE TRASHCAN LID QUICKLY.
0:14:34 - Toby opens the trashcan lid quickly. There's nothing in it. Told you. Mind you, a blind deaf mute could also have told him that.
0:14:44 - FALL NUMBER 4 - Whitney runs round a corner, being chased by nothing, and does the most pathetic fall I've ever seen in my life. It's not as if she falls down slowly, more like she lies down quickly. She kind of falls into a push-up position, then lowers herself down onto the ground.
0:14:46 - As she gets up, she sees Toby and screams. This is obviously meant to produce a similar scream from the audience, but seeing how nobody can remember her name (it's Whitney, by the way. Just think of Whitney Houston), nobody really cares for her safety.
0:14:50 - Her anger is clear. "You loser, you scared the shit out of me", she yells. Toby's face does not move. Obviously someone forgot to tell him that he's meant to act and not pose for a publicity photograph.
0:14:51 - PAINTED TREE APPEARANCE 2 - Julie runs past exactly the same tree with exactly the same blob of orange paint on it, at exactly the camera angle. Why isn't Whitney there? Because Ralph Portillo the director didn't think anyone'd be smart enough to notice that it's the same tree. Because lots of trees have orange blobs of paint on them that look like Texas.
0:14:58 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 15 - Julie, upon hearing the scream, yells "Whit, was that you?" to which Whitney replies "sorry, false alarm". Julie then says "what else is new..." which is totally pointless, seeing as they've only known each other for 4 hours at the most and therefore Julie has no just reason to suggest that Whitney always causes false alarms. But why is it a pathetic joke? Well, because Toby (who has also only known Whitney for a similarly short time) decides to piss his pants laughing, despite its unfunniness. Maybe he's laughing at the fact that he signed up for this movie.
0:15:04 - Another pointless shot of Brad walking (just like at 0:14:20, only from the side this time).
0:15:06 - PAINTED TREE APPEARANCE 3 - Julie runs past the same fecking tree, only from the right, as if to suggest that she's ran left from the painted tree and come across the same tree again after 20 seconds of running. What is this; Blair, Maryland?
0:15:16 - Again, we cut to a view behind Brad. Jesus Christ. Finally he meets Dean, who says to him "Brad buddy, why don't you look over there? I got this area covered".
0:15:19 - Brad, again showing his lack of will and ability to make his own desicions, succumbs to Dean's persuasion. "yeah alright".
0:15:25 - Dean's only response is a quiet muttering of "douchebag". Possibly this footage was originally an outtake of Dean talking about one of the scriptwriters for using the word "douchebag" in a script where the characters are supposed to be reasonably street-cred.
0:15:30 - Pointless shot of Whitney looking about.
0:15:33 - PAINTED TREE APPEARANCE 4 - Julie runs past the damn tree from the right AGAIN! Holy shit, it's like that bit in A Nightmare On Elm Street 4, where the chick and the guy (Dan, I believe) keep getting into the truck over and over again until they realise that Freddy's making them do it, and it's a dream. However, here it's not a dream - it's just really shitty and sucky editing by that man Carlos Puente.
0:15:39 - The same damn pointless shot of Brad from the side. What is it, Groundhog Day? Bill Murray would turn in his grave. When he dies.
0:15:41 - Pointless shot of Julie looking about. I've almost said "pointless shot" as much times in this thing as I've said "the".
0:15:47 - Brad walking about again (where's surfer dude and nameless blonde here?), doing nothing. He walks past where Dean told him to stay away from (a conscious decision, or bad editing again?) and Dean comes out, covered in cheesy-looking blood, with a look on his face as if he's just shat his pants.
0:15:51 - Moaning and falling slowly, Dean says a pretty gay line. So gay in fact, that if it went to a Mardi-Gras parade it'd be the belle of the ball. "Brad," he mumbles, "could you yell 'bloody murder' for me?"
0:15:59 - As Brad walks slowly back, the unmistakeable figure of Michael My... eh, Jas... wait. The guy - Moorhouse. Trevor Moorhouse. Anyway, the very mistakeable figure of Trevor Moorhouse walks up behind him, causing him to perform...
0:16:03 - FALL NUMBER 5 - With an almost mute mutter of "shit...", Brad slips on some dirt (seriously... slips on dirt) and lands on his ass.
0:16:04 - Cut to Trevor holding an axe thing above his head.
0:16:05 - Cut back to Brad doing that stupid "sliding away with your hands and heels when you're on your ass, instead of getting up and running" thing that Sarah Connor does in Terminator 2 in the hospital, only well. Brad just looks like he's operating a small canoe.
0:16:07 - Cut back to Trevor.
0:16:08 - Cut back to Brad. The tensionnnnnnnnnnnnnn....... unggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.......
0:16:11 - Just as the axe comes down, it stops just above Brad's head.
0:16:13 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 16 - The mask comes off, and it's... Jason. Again. Yes, only 4 minutes and 8 seconds after doing it to Julie, Brad has performed exactly the same prank and has revealed exactly the same cheesy grin. That is the single most unimaginative thing I've ever seen.
0:16:21 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 17 - Dean comes out laughing and, strangely, he says "that was Shakespeare man!". Now, for those of you (all zero of you) that don't know, William Shakespeare was an English playwrite. At no time in his eventful life did he pretend to be stabbed in the stomach and have a friend dress up as Trevor Moorhouse, who would then proceed to almost kill another guy before revealing his true identity. So, technically, that WASN'T Shakespeare.
0:16:27 - Dean offers Brad a bloody hand and says "hey man, no hard feelings?". Brad holds the back of his head, then looks at his hand and says "oh shit", as if there's blood or something on the back of his head. But there's nothing on his head. Maybe he's scared because, looking at those dry, bloodless fingers, he's realised that this is as far as his acting career's going to go: a cheap, third-grade horror movie where they can't even afford to put jam on an actor's fingers to pretend he's bleeding. "Oh shit" indeed.
0:16:28 - Julie (who has escaped her paint-tree timewarp), Whitney and Toby run over to see what the commotion was. The fact that there was no noise (such as Brad screaming or whatever) to tell them that somehing had happened doesn't seem to bother anyone.
0:16:37 - Julie asks Brad if he's okay, and Brad seems alright. He's still looking at his fingers, however (possibly wondering why they haven't even used ketchup to do it).
0:16:55 - Julie looks mad at Jason.
0:17:01 - Cut to Julie walking away in a bad mood. Jason is following her asking "why don't you just hear me out?"
0:17:02 - Julie replies with yet another weird line. "Or else what - you'll punch ME in the stomach?" Uh... wait a minute - who got punched in the stomach?
0:17:06 - Jason explains that things haven't been going well for him lately and that having Brad Thompson there sure doesn't help. Wait - you mean that in their numerous treehouse meetings with milk and cookies, the filmmakers actually gave the characters SURNAMES? In a cheap-ass movie? AAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
0:17:27 - In exactly 21 seconds, Jason has managed to sweet-talk his way out of it with the immortal words "c'mon I love you Jules". They've obviously not made it clear enough that they are in fact a couple. Julie then says "what am I going to do with you" (the same words the director thought after the first day of filming, allegedly). They kiss and make up. Awwww.
0:17:40 - Ah, here we go. Another Julie-Drew scene of weird dialogue. Just like at 0:09:40, I'm going to provide you with the script to this scene.

DREW: Hi, how was your night?
JULIE: Nightmare's more like it.
DREW: Well do you wanna talk about it?
JULIE: No, I don't think so. I'm just really tired.
(Drew looks down at her cigarette, as if she's desperate for Julie to comment on it. Julie looks at Drew's cigarette, then at Drew, then at Drew's cigarette again. Drew starts pissing herself laughing. Julie joins in.)
DREW: It's a habit I picked up while I was living in Guam. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I bet the Farrelly brothers are kicking their own asses for not getting to that beautiful line first.) Helps me relax. Do you smoke?
JULIE: No. I mean, I have, I just don't do it regularly. (It's a cigarette, not a lottery ticket. You don't not "do it regularly". You either smoke or you don't.)

0:18:09 - We're treated to 11 seconds of Dean peeing while wearing his mask. Allow me to elaborate. He's outside. Pissing against a tree. He's wearing the mask and there's nobody else there. The sole purpose of a mask is to cause a reaction, be it good or bad, from another human. If nobody's there, you don't wear the mask. Dean does.
0:18:22 - He sees Jason and Whitney doing what can only be described as "dry humping", ie. having sex with clothes on.
0:18:33 - Dean, the pervert, moans "awwwwwwww, give it to her Jase!" although technically, he can't "give it to her" if she's wearing panties and he's wearing boxer shorts.
0:18:38 - Dean then pisses on himself. "Shit", is his only response, but in an instant, he's back ogling the kissing couple.
0:18:47 - Uh, now I need to watch how I describe this bit, without it becoming x-rated. Um... Jason is going through the motions of "easing his way in" to Whitney. Yeah, you know what I mean. Train through tunnel, all that. The fact that he's wearing underwear, as is she, seems not to bother them.
0:18:57 - Again, Dean gives his thoughts. "Un... believeable". Which were the same words he used when he read the first draft of the script and realised that he got to piss his pants, which was the reason he got into acting in the first place.
0:19:00 - Back to Julie and Drew. Drew asks Julie "do you wanna smoke?" despite Julie having told Drew 54 seconds ago that she doesn't smoke.
0:19:03 - "No thanks, I really shouldn't," says Julie. Obviously.
0:19:06 - "Well let me know if you change your mind," says Drew. However, I'm guessing that the cigarette will be finished by then.
0:19:13 - They share goodnights, and the possibility of a lesbian relationship looms ever so near. Will they eventually get it on? (Hint: no.)
0:19:15 - We see feet. This leads to dramatic music, so it must be bad feet.
0:19:20 - We soon see that the feet are attached to legs, and the feet/legs combination walk over to jason, who is putting his shirt back on (the only piece of clothing he actually took off).
0:19:21 - Jason turns round, he looks scared and... we fade to black. The fuck?

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW (I PROMISE).

Just to save some post space, I'm going to edit over this post by adding Chapter 5 (and then 6, when it's done) to the end of this.

[Bomont the Destroyer]

I tried to watch this at work yesterday. I work at a video store, and instead of doing any actual work, I opted to watch a few bad movies. After seeing ten minutes of this movie and having to turn it off due to it's total suckness, I have to say I greatly admire your ability to watch this movie again and again while taking notes. Although I did laugh my ass off at the out of place "What else is new?" line, I couldn't take anymore of it. I might put it back on to see the "Punch ME in the stomach" line.

[cereal killer]

As always your work kicks ass scully,keep it up man!

[JAMIE_LLOYD_02]

Hey, I did not like this movie at all i thought it was sooooo dumb and what made me madd was when they copied poor jason voorhees and michael myers no one copies them they are the best killers ever.

[chinton]

Thats the whole point Jamie. Scully is making fun of it because its so dumb its funny and also because hes a great guy for doing this.

[Scully1888]

Okay, here's not only Chapter 5, but Chapter 6 too (cause they're both reasonably short).
I just decided to put them onto this post instead of editing the last one. Don't ask me why. I think it just makes it easier to get to where you left off.

CHAPTER 5 - "Where is Jason?"

0:19:22 - Fade in to a view of the river. The mountains are still invisible. Damn that Moorhouse warlock/Bloody Murder editor.
0:19:26 - A view of an American flag. The people that made this are obviously trying to make us think: "This is from America. Hollywood is in America. Hollywood is good. This must be good." Nice try, Portillo. Well, either that or they're trying to blatantly rip off the start of Night Of The Living Dead.
0:19:35 - The next minute or so consists of Julie talking to each of the other camp teen people one by one, asking them where Jason is. Here it is in script form (yet again, with my comments in parentheses. Come on people, you must know it by now).

(Julie walks over to Toby.)
JULIE: Toby, did Jason stop by your cabin this morning to apologise? (Wait a minute - I thought it was Brad that they played the joke on. If you look at 0:16:28, you'll see that Toby wasn't even there. Something tells me that there was a deleted scene where Jason punched Toby in the stomach. After all, Julie asks Jason if he was going to punch her in the stomach (see 0:17:02).) He told me...
TOBY: No. And I'm not so sure we should be talking in public. Wouldn't want to give anybody the idea I was trying to put my tongue down your throat. (Again... what?)
JULIE: Come on Toby, don't be like that.
(Now, in a situation like this in any other movie, Toby would then walk away in a bad mood. What does he do here? He RUNS AWAY. That's so gay.)(Julie then goes to Whitney.)
JULIE: Hey Whit, have you seen Jason around?
WHITNEY: No. Sorry. Haven't seen him. (You're a liar, bitch, you were dry-humping him last night.)
(Julie then moves on to Dean.)
JULIE: Dean. Have you seen Jason this morning? We had a fight last night and I haven't been able to find him ever since. (Two things here. One - they didn't have a fight. It was resolved with the words "what am I going to do with you" and a kiss. Two - Nobody uses the phrase "ever since". Go ahead - try and use it in a sentence. See how gay you sound?)
DEAN: (After a huge pause) No I haven't seen him. (You're a liar, son, you saw him dry-humping Whitney last night.) He mentioned something last night about blowing off camp, hitting the road for a while.
(Julie THEN moves on to Patrick.)
JULIE: Patrick.
PATRICK: Hey Julie.
JULIE: I'm worried about Jason. We had a fight last night and this morning he's nowhere to be seen. I checked his bed and it hasn't even been slept in. (God, I love the copy and paste tools. Two things here. One - they didn't have a fight. It was resolved with the words "what am I going to do with you" and a kiss. Two - Nobody uses the phrase "nowhere to be seen". Go ahead - try and use it in a sentence. See how gay you sound?)
PATRICK: Has he ever taken off like this before?
JULIE: Well, yeah.
PATRICK: He's probably trying to scare you. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
(Patrick drinks from a metal mug that looks 124% gay. He also reveals that a pen is attached to the clipboard he's holding... by a piece of rope. This is also 124% gay - an interesting coincidence.)
JULIE: Maybe. Don't you think we should call the police or something?
PATRICK: (Quickly, as if someone had just threatened to shoot him) Woah. The police can't do anything until he's been missing at least 24 hours. (Hmmmmmm, that's original.) Look, I'm - I'm sure he'll show up by dinner-time. If he doesn't I'll call the sheriff, but in the meantime don't let it get to you. The kids are gonna be here in three days and we've still got a ton of stuff to do.
JULIE: Okay.
PATRICK: Okay? (She just said okay, asswipe.)
(Julie walks away: dejected, lonely, sad, a loser.)

CHAPTER 6 - "On The Lake"

0:21:07 - We see Whitney sunning herself, using one of those big stupid mirror cone things so that she can get a tan on her face. Important - the water is perfectly still, it appears to be a hot day.
0:21:14 - We see Dean rowing over (comically) in a canoe thing.
0:21:19 - Cut back to Whitney, still sunning herself, still a hot day.
0:21:22 - Dean finally rows his way over to the pier, but - WAIT A MINUTE - you can just about make out drops of rain on the water. It is no longer a sunny day.
0:21:25 - Cut back to Whitney as Dean pulls up beside her in his canoe thing. Somehow, it doesn't seem to rain from this camera angle, as it again appears to be a hot day, the water calm and placid.
0:21:27 - Cut back to Dean's face. Huge splash marks can be clearly seen on the water. It is raining quite a bit.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 4 - Continuity error: rain appearing on the water then not appearing.
0:21:29 - "C'mon", says Dean, "We'll just, uh, we'll just go out a little ways."
0:21:32 - "I dunno," says Whitney. Finally, somebody in this movie stands up for themself.
0:21:34 - "Look," says Dean, "we're friends now Whit. Don't you trust your friends?"
0:21:41 - "Okay," she replies. Jesus Christ. "But just until I say we head back." Like that'll make a difference. Dean could just say "no we'll keep going" and she'd say "ok".
0:21:47 - As Whitney gets into the boat, we get a gratuitous ass shot. Not a full ass, but an ass covered by a purple bikini thing. It's still a recognisable shape, however. It's one of those bikinis that leaves nothing to the imagination, except for the colour. It just looks like she has a big purple ass, kinda like Violet from Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory.
0:22:00 - UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY 1 - Dean is obviously struggling with the canoes.
0:22:14 - 6 angles of them rowing later, and Whitney says "this is far enough".
0:22:35 - Dean starts to talk like a madman, suggesting that he and Whitney could "work on it some and make it better".
0:22:42 - Whitney just tells Dean again that she wants to go back.
0:22:45 - Dean rocks the boat. Oh aye, that'll do it.
0:22:48 - Dean tells Whitney that he saw her last night. Finally, someone remembers the dry-humping. He then claims that Jason was his best friend.
0:22:59 - He rocks the boat again, this time with a Grinch face attached.
0:23:02 - After constant rocking, he starts to hit at Whitney's hands with the oar. Not once, but twice. The fiend.
0:23:12 - Whitney then ridiculously tries to grab the oar and then she falls in. It has to be the stupidest looking boat fall I've ever seen.
0:23:17 - For someone who can't swim, Whitney is doing a remarkable job of staying afloat.
0:23:33 - Now this bit I don't get. Dean holds the oar out for Whitney to grab so he can pull her back in. Fair enough, it may not work but at least he's trying to help. 9 full seconds of grabbing and missing later...
0:23:42 - ...and he puts the oar away, this time throwing her one of those orange things that help you float. Why he didn't do this in the first place is beyond me. So far beyond me, in fact, that I can't even see it with a fat-ass telescope.
0:24:02 - After being helped back in by Dean and asked if she was alright, she replies "just take me back". And so concludes a pointless 3 minutes of non-action.
0:24:05 - Julie and Drew are walking, looking at the stupid clipboard/pen/rope combination, as if to say "why is this so gay". I apologise to any gays reading this, but this is just the way I describe things. Everytime a gay person sees the word "gay", just change it for... ah I dunno, "straight".
0:24:15 - They walk over to Patrick. Here comes another script thing. You will eventually learn to appreciate these awful scripts, trust me. By displaying what they say, word-for-word, I'm proving that this movie really is as bad/good as I say it is, and that I'm not making half the stuff up just to make it sound worse/better.

PATRICK: Hey Julie, uh, any sign of Jason yet?
JULIE: No, I'm getting really worried.
PATRICK: Yeah, I talked to Dean and he said the last time they talked last night, Jason mentioned something about taking off for a while. Did Jason mention anything about that to you?
JULIE: (Seeming hugely surprised, even although Dean already told her this) No! But we had a fight. (Jesus Christ bitch, no you didn't.) Patrick, Dean was acting really strange by the lake today.
DREW: Yeah. (oh, big line. I can see that Oscar..... Meyer commercial..... turning her down.)
PATRICK: Strange how?
JULIE: Like scary strange (oh yes, that explains it). He was out on the canoe with Whitney. I know he knows she can't swim. he tipped the canoe over anyway. It looked really odd to me. (Aye me too. Not the canoe-tipping, but Whitney's falling technique.)
PATRICK: Alright, I'll keep an eye on him.
JULIE: Thanks.
DREW: Thanks Patrick.
PATRICK: Oh and Julie, don't worry about Jason, I'm sure he'll show up when we least expect him. (Ho ho ho, the irony. What a pathetic line.)

0:24:56 - Julie mouths the word "sure", and with that Chapter 6 comes to a rather quick end, as did Chapter 5.


More to come tomorrow....

[chinton]

just keeping it at the top

[Jason Voorhees]

Excellent work, Scully. I'll definitely be watching this flick again soon...

[Zing!]

Scully - is your next project going to be breaking down the zombie classic "Children of the Living Dead?" Keep up the good work - I can't wait to read chapter 7!!! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif

[someguy]

Well,it's Thursday,where's chapter 7?? We want more! We want more! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Scully1888]

Apologies chaps, my university work's swamping me down at the moment. Fret not, however, because I've managed to do the interesting Chapter 7 for you all. So enjoy.

CHAPTER 7 - "Screams In The Night"

0:25:00 - We see the outside of a cabin. Just a random cabin. We hear screams. Could it be somebody being murdered? You mean they're actually going to show us something good?
0:25:03 - Uh, no. It turns out that everyone's watching a movie. It seems to be Fever Lake, another piece of shit from Ralph Portillo, and one that I may do my next analysis on, if I get enough feedback on this one. Or maybe Children Of The Living Dead.
0:25:12 - Sitting from left to right, watching the movie, it's: Surfer Dude (looking bored), Brad (looking bored), Blonde Chick With No Name (looking bored), Whitney (looking bored) and Dean (looking interested, actually. GOTCHA - he's bored as hell).
0:25:14 - Someone is using a USALynx e-mail checking system thing on their computer. We see the screen only, we don't know who's using it. Could it be Trevor Moorhouse? I can just see it now - the TV commercials - "Hi, I'm Trevor Moorhouse, popular horror movie rip-off guy. You may remember my mask from such movies as Friday the 13th Part 3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and the soon-to-be released 10. You may also remember my clothes from Halloween, and my chainsaw from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. You know, being a rip-off guy is tough, and when it comes to checking my hate mail in e-mail form, there's nothing better than USALynx." This could be promising.
0:25:17 - Ah shit, it's only Julie checking her e-mails again.
0:25:24 - Drew's there too. Nice, another possibility of some lesbian action. Yeah right. "Have you seen my lighter?" asks Drew. Julie then throws her it.
0:25:34 - A huge sign comes up on Julie's monitor - "YOU HAVE MAIL!!! Read Now?" I believe the font is Verdana, 72pt, Bold.
0:25:36 - Now this is a huge mistake.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 5 - Huge error in terms of Julie's e-mail. Now, this isn't perfectly noticeable on the VHS version, but on the DVD it's as clear as day. Even on the VHS version it's pretty obvious that this is a long e-mail. Well, here's what the e-mail says:-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, Sweetheart
I had to leave town suddenly on business yesterday. I hope you weren't trying to reach me. I'll be back tomorrow, and we can talk.

Take good care of yourself.
I miss you!
Love,
Dad

P.S. Now that you mention it, I do remember Nelson Hammond. Whatever happened to him?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmm, an interesting plot twist at the end, methinks. Now, obviously, since the e-mail looks so small on the screen, we need the dad's voice to read it out, like a voice-over kinda thing. Sure enough, the dad's voice starts booming out (as if he's talking in a wind tunnel). However, and this is the interesting mistake, here's what he says:

"Hi sweetie, nothing to report from this end. Glad you're having fun. Love dad."


Even a blind man can see there's a problem there.

0:25:42 - OH NO!!!!! It's those blue overalls! We see blue legs walking in the kitchen, with rather large boots to match. A knife is taken from the knife rack that Toby pointed out so early on in the movie.
0:25:46 - We see that familiar (too familiar, if you get my drift) white hockey mask, and it's clear that whoever the killer is, it's a white male, narrowing the choices down to:

DEAN
PATRICK
TOBY
SURFER DUDE
BRAD
JASON (we don't know if he's really dead yet - it just faded to black)

0:25:26 - Whitney tells Blonde Chick With No Name that she's going to the kitchen to get some food. She then asks Blonde Chick With No Name if she wants anything, to which Blonde Chick With No Name answers "I'm good, thanks". A rare line for the blonde beauty.
0:26:04 - Whitney goes to the kitchen and grabs what appears to be a box of Oreo cookies, putting to rest her "Ritz crackers and peanut butter" theory, and proving her to be a liar. Could she be the killer? (Not likely, seeing as it's a white guy).
0:26:09 - She sees that one of the knives is missing. Still, she proceeds further into the kitchen. This is where you're meant to shout "YOU DUMB BITCH", although nobody ever does, because they already assume she's a dumb bitch for being in a Ralph Portillo movie.
0:26:20 - She goes into the pantry. Now, allow me to quote from 0:06:39: "Whitney goes into the pantry and turns the light on, initiating a "spooky" musical sting to hit. For no reason." This suggests (as indeed was the case) that the light went on instantly. However, when she turns the light on this time, it flickers on. Strange.
0:26:28 - She THEN gets the Ritz crackers. What an idiot.
0:26:32 - As she gets the (you guessed it... well, you probably didn't) peanut butter, in steps Trevor.
0:26:37 - Seemingly amused by this, Whitney says "very funny. Now take off your mask and show yourself".
0:26:43 - THE CRACKERS HAVE DROPPED, THE CRACKERS HAVE DROPPED. I fear the worst...
0:26:46 - The knife goes back, Whitney screams, and.....
0:26:47 - We see more shitty footage of Fever Lake. Again, we're screwed by Portillo, who I will refer to as Pordildo from now on.
0:26:53 - Finally, for the first time in this movie, we see some blood. Except it's a bright (almost neon) red. Maybe it WAS better without it.
0:26:58 - We see the blood on the floor, with crackers dipped in it. Intriguing. We also see Trevor's mask reflected in the blood (you see, it's special watery blood), and, interestingly, it looks more like Michael Myers than anyone else. Including Trevor Moorhouse.
0:27:06 - We fade to black (yet again), and fade in to more shots of the trees. But - what's this - the mountains have returned. This is getting pretty spooky - it's getting more and more like Burkitsville by the minute.
0:27:09 - We see Blonde Chick With No Name. Damn she's cute, why can't she talk more and wear less?
0:27:22 - She walks over to a cabin in the middle of nowhere and knocks on the door. Patrick comes out wearing nothing but a towel around his lower torso. His friendly "hey" is no excuse for this shameful performance.
0:27:25 - 16 seconds after seeing her, Blonde Chick With No Name finally says her line. "Whitney disappeared last night."
0:27:26 - Patrick looks as if he's chewing something. Maybe his contract.

With that, Chapter 7 comes to an eventual close. We've been through a lot in this chapter: The death of Whitney, two lines from Blonde Chick With No Name, watery blood, and (of course) some shit editing (of the monitor) by that man Carlos Puente.

[Scully1888]

Some of you may think my jokes are getting a bit thin by this point (and I'd be the first to agree), but if you really want me to keep going, I'll do my best to keep it original and funny.

I won't have interent access this weekend, but I'll keep doing more and hopefully, by next Tuesday, I'll have finished up to chapter 10. Yes, 10. That'll make for my biggest update since my first post.

Many many thanks to everyone for constantly keeping this topic alive, and feel free to discuss the movie's comedy while I'm away for the weekend. But PLEASE - I have only one request - PLEASE can nobody spoil any plot developments, especially the identity of Trevor. A lot of people haven't spent money to see this (some people don't know a classic when they see it http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif) and they don't want someone wasting Trevor's identity for them before the analysis reveals it.

I know it sounds dumb, but some people have told me that they're reading this like a novel, with each chapter being the update to it.

Wasting the ending would suck a bit.

Just trust me when I say that it will be finished eventually. After it, I will then look for another movie to do (possibly Children Of The Living Dead or Fever Lake), then do Bloody Murder 2 when it comes out in March.

Until Tuesday, peace out and thanks.

Chris Scullion

[Jason Voorhees]

Hell yeah! I'm headed directly to the theater...I mean video store the moment BM 2 is released! Thanks for putting in the time and effort, Scully.

[Scully1888]

Thanks, Jason.

My mistake, however. It's actually not out until May. Rest assured, however, that my in-depth analysis on Bloody Murder 2 will be finished within (at the most) 2 months of its release.

[Zing!]

Scully - I suspected you might be certifiably insane when I realized you were actually going to disect the steaming pile of shit that is "Bloody Murder;" but now I know that you are absolutely, positively, around-the-f#%king-bend, mental if you are already committing yourself (pun intended) to "Bloody Murder 2!" May God have mercy on your soul...

Just doing my part to keep it at the top.

[malaria]

This film sounds so bad. Keep up the good work Scully. Nobody disses it better.

[JasonSlasher]

whoa, this is getting dangerously towards the second page...

BUMP!!!

BTW, great work Scully, you're funny as hell, keep up the great work

[countchocula]

I haven't checked this thread out in awhile, but did today out of curiosity. This is hilarious stuff! Much praise to you, Scully, for being so committed to this task. Keep up the kickass work!

[ominous_oat]

Just bumping, also I just realized I've never really complemented you on this yet Scully. It's so freakin' hilarious, keep up the good work.

[cereal killer]

0:26:43 - THE CRACKERS HAVE DROPPED, THE CRACKERS HAVE DROPPED. I fear the worst...

That's fucking funny man keep up the good work and I hope you finish it soon.

[Jo-Jo]

Damn you Scully!!

You did such a good job on this turd, I actually bought the DVD. I'm not going to watch it until you finish the story though.

I can see purchases of Bloodly Murder 2 and Children of the Living dead in my future if you do them as good.

Damn you to hell!!

[someguy]

BUMP!!!!

[chinton]

bump

[Jason Voorhees]

I think we're all learning a valuable lesson here: anything can be enjoyable with the correct perspective.

Just a thought until the next update :).

[thisismyboomstick]

Funny stuff man. Keep it up

[JasonSlasher]

Dude it's Tuesday, where's our Chapter 8-10? Don't want to rush you, but I don't know how much longer I can wait!

[JasonSlasher]

NO...... NEW........ CHAPTERS.......

*goes insane and chops up family*

[Zing!]

I think the Bloody Murder analysis has finally sent Scully off the deep end. He's probably strapped into a straight-jacket in a padded cell somewhere - babbling about a murderer in the woods with a hockey mask and a chainsaw for a left hand named Trevor Moorehouse. http://www.joblo.com/ubb/wink.gif

[Scully1888]

No, no, chaps. I'm alive - just.
My grandpa was sent to hospital after falling in his house. As he was getting better, he fell in the hospital and broke his hip.
So, the whole family's been at the hospital for the majority of the time and this explains the delay.
I've done chapter 8, but it's not enough to post on its own.
I promise that if it's not here by tomorrow (Thursday), I shall kill myself.

I have to admit, the only thing keeping me doing this are these words of encouragement. Many, many thanks to:

Jason Voorhees
JasonSlasher
chinton
cereal killer
ominous_oat
countchocula
SteveSzyk
Prairiedogking
Requiem-for-a-Dream
The Rob
Dr Martin Luther Loomis
Rich
Cyclonus
ArmyJacket
*sweet psychotic*
TooL
malaria
Bomont The Destroyer
Zing!
someguy
thisismyboomstick

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And thanks. http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[chinton]

bump. Im so sorry Scully. Well I hope your grandpa feels better.

[TooL]

Im sure we can all wait...Keep up the good work...Children of the Living Dead....Wow...That should be interesting lol.

[Scully1888]

Okay, I feel bad making you guys wait, so here's chapters 8 and 9. Not exactly 8-10, but still my biggest update since the first post. Hope you enjoy.

CHAPTER 8 - "The Sheriff's Investigation"

0:27:30 - We are greeted with a rather large-looking Sheriff (large as if large belly, not as in 7 feet tall). His jeans appear to be far too tight as well.
0:27:31 - This is a nice conversation, so - you guessed it - it's script time.

SHERIFF: So let me get this straight. You're now telling me that there's... TWO camp counsellors missing.
PATRICK: I'm afraid so. (In front of Patrick we can see a tub of "Basic Garlic". Now THAT's comedy.)
SHERIFF: Well why didn't you report the other kid missing yesterday?
PATRICK: Well, he had a fight with his girlfriend early last night (no he didn't, you prick) and... well you know how these 18-year old teenagers are. (An 18-year old TEENAGER, you say? That's funny, I usually see 18-year old non-teens.)
SHERIFF: Yeah, working around this camp's made sure of that.
PATRICK: (looking nervous, as if he's about to tell the Sheriff that he's in love with him) Sheriff... this may be way off, but... uh, could there be anything to these uh... Trevor Moorhouse stories?
SHERIFF: Son, I've been working in and around Placid Pines for 20 years now and... I've seen a lot of strange things, but... I've not seen one iota of evidence that Trevor Moorhouse exists. But the minutes anything out of the ordinary happens it's "Trevor Moorhouse is back for revenge" and "Trevor Moorhouse stole my cat" and "Trevor Moorhouse smashed my car". (What about "Trevor Moorhouse wrote this script" or "Trevor Moorhouse made a mountain appear and then disappear in the background"? Or even "Trevor Moorhouse set up large spotlights in the forest in the middle of the night and then turned them on when 18-year old tennagers ran by them"?)
(Patrick laughs like a little queer.)
SHERIFF: Take it from me. There is no such person as Trevor Moorhouse. (So it WAS Puente's editing!)

0:28:29 - Patrick shows the Sheriff the pantry. Flicking the light switch provides an instant light, unlike at 0:26:20.
0:28:48 - The Sheriff asks Patrick what time Whitney would have been in the pantry at. "About 10:30" is the unsure response.
0:29:01 - The Sheriff (hilariously) notes that there's no sign of a struggle. I mean, come on, it's only a room full of shelves. If there WAS a struggle, you wouldn't be able to tell. It's not as if there'd be grass moved about or anything.
0:29:02 - Patrick says that nothing is missing. I remind you of the "THE CRACKERS HAVE DROPPPED" phrase. See, there was a reason behind that.
0:29:10 - It is revealed that Dean is the prime suspect, seeing as he was an ex-boyfriend and he did the whole boat-rocking thing with her. Thus, it is certainly not Dean.
0:29:25 - Dean (while using a screwdriver to fix a canoe... oddly) claims that at 10:30, he was in the messhall watching a movie. Although technically, seeing as the movie was Fever Lake, you couldn't classify it as a movie. He would have been more accurate if he said "I was in the messhall watching a small dog get stretched and then mangled in a huge industrial-sized machine then set alight".
0:29:34 - When the Sheriff asks Dean if anyone can "vouch" for him, his answer is obvious. Okay, not obvious, but it's "Toby", because apparently they set up the movie together.
0:29:41 - Now this bit is good. Toby tells the Sheriff that, indeed, Dean DID help him set up the VCR and screen to watch the movie. And that it was 10pm sharp. How does he know this? "Because I programmed my watch to beep on the hour". PROGRAMMED? No you didn't, you set the alarm. Don't make it sound as if you hacked into a mainframe.
0:30:01 - Toby then claims that he can't account for Dean's whereabouts at 10:30pm, and that he can only account for his whereabouts at 10pm and then again at 11:43pm. Now THAT's sad attention to detail.
0:30:03 - Now here's Toby's take on it. Bearing in mind this is all guesswork on his part.

"You see the VCR we were using is kind of a piece of shit, and... wuh, can I say that to a cop? (Yes, you whore.) Anyways, I sat next to it just in case the film got caught (it's a VCR you rat. It's highly unlikely that the film will get caught), and Dean was sitting a couple of chairs behind me (intriguing, because at 0:25:12, you weren't even there). Uh, the movie was Sleepover Camp Massacre 14... the summer camp slasher movie (no it wasn't it was Fever Lake. Surely Ralph Pordildo isn't THAT embarassed of the movie?), it has a running time of an hour and 43 minutes, which is relatively long for movies of this genre (you said it, bitch, especially when this movie's only 82 minutes)."

(We then get a re-enactment of Whitney asking Blonde Chick With No Name if she wants anything, from 0:25:26.)

"It, it's at least possible that Dean, seeing Whitney leave her seat, could have snuck out of the other side of the cabin and followed her into the kitchen. Given that Whitney had to walk over people and around the screen, Dean would have had about 30 seconds on her to reach the kitchen. This would have given him just enough time to get ready (now, I highly doubt that in 30 seconds, you can go to the kitchen, get a knife, put on a hockey mask and slip into Michael Myers-style overalls). It's about 10:32 now (hmmm, precise. Although if Dean had 30 seconds, wouldn't it be 10:30 and 30 seconds?) and Whitney enters the kitchen. Not seeing anybody, she continues into the pantry. Seconds later, while Whitney was searching for something to eat, Dean could have come up from behind her in the pantry."

(During all this, we're seeing re-enactments of how this could have worked had Dean been the killer.)

"At this point it would be about 10:35... that's an hour and 7 minutes before the movie ends (two things. One: I doubt that Dean taking the mask off would take 3 minutes. Two: for someone that's exact, his maths isn't up to scratch. If the movie starts at 10pm and lasts 103 minutes, then at 10:35 there's 103-35 minutes left, which is 68 minutes, which is an hour and EIGHT minutes, not 7). This would have given Dean more than enough time to brutally murder Whitney (who said it was brutal?), dispose of the body (funnily enough, disposing of the body involves dragging it out into a huge grassy patch of the forest and lying her right in the middle, where one of those huge spotlights shines directly onto her), clean up the pantry (involving the wiping of the peanut butter tub and mopping of the neon-blooded floor), and return to his seat before the tail credits roll. But, of course, that's just a theory. (Aye, and it's also just 238 words and 1:31 of shite.)

0:31:42 - Cut to the (mountainless) trees. We see what looks like a cheap bird on a wire. We soon realise that it's Julie on a rope slide. So I was right, a cheap bird on a wire.
0:31:56 - The Sheriff (whose jeans have gotten darker and belly's gotten larger) tells Dean that he wants to take him back to the station for questioning.
0:31:58 - A rather violent camera angle of the inside of a building that's being painted. I'm pretty sure that the camera was on a tripod and the tripod fell without anyone noticing, hence this angle.
0:32:08 - Julie walks in and goes over to Brad. Damn, she's hot. If only she hadn't finished her career before it started. i hear she was in an episode of MTV's "Undressed", although we don't get that in Scotland. Oh wait, here's another good script.

JULIE THE LOVE GODDESS: Listen, Brad... about the other night...
BRAD: Uh, don't worry about it. Some people just have your number and ther'es nothing you can do about it.
JULIE THE LOVE GODDESS: I guess.
BRAD: Besides... it's nothing compared to the crazy shit they used to pull up here when my dad was a counsellor.
JULIE THE LOVE GODDESS: So, you're a second generation CPP as well? (Pardon? A "second generation CPP"? Don't make me laugh.)
BRAD: (Makes a small noise that sounds like "kinda", but it gets a huge laugh from both of them.) Seems like everybody raised in, uh, 'our town' did time at Camp Placid Pines. (What's with the reluctance to name the town? First it's "small town" and now it's "uh, our town".) Father or mother?
JULIE THE LOVE GODDESS: My father. I was hearing about these woods before I could even walk (well judging by your walking technique later on, it looks like that was only a couple of months ago).
BRAD: I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who was faded to work at this place. (Could an American please explain "faded" to me? Does it mean happy or sad? Either way, it's a cheap line.)
(Julie smiles politely, then walks away.)

0:32:48 - Dean is driven away in the Sheriff's car. In the front seat, lucky fella.
0:33:05 - Patrick is obviously pissed off. Julie asks him if he thinks Dean did it, and Patrick angrily responds "Julie, I don't know what to think".

So, at the end of Chapter 8, the possible suspect list has been reduced by one (as Dean is off the hook due to his arrest for the murders, meaning he can't have done it, as is the case in horror movies). So that now makes the list of possible suspects:

PATRICK
TOBY
SURFER DUDE
BRAD
JASON (He's still not back yet, though. Maybe he IS dead. Or maybe, to quote Patrick, he'll "show up when we least expect him".)

By the way, there are now officially lots of words in this dirty, filthy (and hopefully amusing) beast. In fact, the word "beast" in that last sentence was the 10,900th word.

CHAPTER 9 - "Trevor Is Back"

0:33:13 - Fade in to a huge rock that looks remarkably like Space Mountain, only smaller and with that Liberace touch, if you know what I'm saying. If you don't I mean it's GAY AS HELL.
0:33:16 - Oh, yes. This is the scene with my favourite quote of all time, in any movie. I simply have to do this one in script form.

(Drew walks onto the big rock thing where Julie is sitting. She's wearing a bikini thing and shorts, which would be arousing if she wasn't so ugly and didn't have, to quote Shorty from Scary Movie, "the fat ass, son".)
DREW: There you are. I was really starting to get worried.
JULIE: Oh hi.
DREW: Hi.
JULIE: I guess I needed to run away for a little while. (Awwwwww, script getting you down, sweetie?)
DREW: Well what's on your mind? (Here it is - the obligatory "deep" conversation, that just ends up ridiculous.)
JULIE: I dunno. Everything. My mom, Jason, now Whitney. This summer isn't exactly turning out as I expected. (Although technically her mother died long before the summer, so she doesn't count.)
(Drew rubs Julie's back in an almost lesbian-like fashion, then stops as she realises that this movie has to get a lower rating for more video rental sales. Consequently, I'd be interested to know what rating this movie got in the U.S. as it gets a "15" in the UK.)
DREW: Wehsthuh anything I can do to help? (Translation - WELL IS THERE anything I can do to help?)
JULIE: You wouldn't by any chance have one of those Guam cigarettes on you, would you? (HAHAHAHAHA! Just because smoking was a habit she picked up in Guam, doesn't mean that all cigarettes she smoke come from Guam! That would be a bitch, buying those!)
DREW: Actually, I brought one with me. (Now, her shorts have pockets, so you'd expect her cigarettes to be in there. No, no, not this time. She actually had one cigarette tucked away in her bikini, nestling in her cleavage. WTF! Oh, and there's a lighter there too.)
(Drew and Julie laugh menacingly.)
(Julie COUGHS while smoking - she COUGHS.)
DREW: You okay?
JULIE: (Pissing her pants laughing) My father would kill me if he knew I was doing this.
DREW: (Sounding as if she's dying) I... won't tell... if... you won't.
(Drew then goes through the motions of smoking, but doesn't actually exhale smoke, so I'm assuming she also doesn't inhale it. It ends up looking ridiculously fake.)
JULIE: It just doesn't seem fair. 17 years. I was just getting to know her, you know?
DREW: Yeah... I never got to meet my dad. He died before I was born. (What - 3 years before? Moo ha haaaa.)
JULIE: Jeez, listen to me. I'm sorry.
DREW: Don't be. (Here comes the greatest line ever. In fact, I'm going to give this next sentence its very own line.)

MISERY COMES IN LOTS OF DIFFERENT FORMS. IT'S ALL MISERABLE.

(YAHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, please give a standing ovation to the most ridiculously obvious statement in the world! &lt;sarcasm&gt;Who would have thought that after millions of years of evolution, we would have come this far? The remarkable realisation that all forms of misery are actually miserable is something that has passed many scientists by in the past, but this teenager with the fat ass has struck upon what may be the greatest discovery since the wheel! Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for.... Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ZEMKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! &lt;/sarcasm&gt; Ah, comedy.)

JULIE: Do you ever feel... cheated?
DREW: Well, sometimes I get angry. I seek out other people to blame for my father's death. (Hmmm, this could pretty much make her the killer... if only she wasn't a black female instead of a white male.) My therapist calls it transference. It's where I feel too guilty to blame him, so I look out for other people to... be angry with. (Throughout that whole speech, I saw three seperate moments where she stopped talking and looked as if she'd forgotten her lines. Most notable of these three is the "other people to... be angry with" delay. Meanwhile, this shite guitar music is playing a lot.)
(Julie looks down at Drew's feet. They are the most hideous-looking things I've ever seen in my life. They look like they've been painted with random splodges of paint on the wee toe-knuckle bits.)
JULIE: Your toes are beautiful. (No they're not.)
DREW: Thanks (said like a kid in a Barney show)! It's called mendi. It's a form of body painting I learned while living in India. (Jesus Christ, this bitch gets around. First smoking in Guam, then toe-painting in India? Now THAT's a movie on its own.)(A HUGE guitar twang can be heard in the soundtrack.) I can do yours if you want.
JULIE: I'd like that.

Mercifully, the scene ends at that point.

0:35:18 - We see Dean in the Sheriff's office. Dean suggests that since Jason was dry-humping Whitney, then left the camp, maybe he came back for Whitney.
0:35:43 - The Sheriff tells Dean that he's got three officers out there "combing the area" for Jason and Whitney. That could take a while, if they've only got combs.
0:35:54 - The Sheriff gives Dean the unfortunate news that he's going to be held in the Sheriff's office overnight.
0:36:13 - We cut to Julie, who goes into the shower room. Yes! We could get some mighty fine T&A here...
0:36:21 - At this precise moment, we see Julie's legs as she takes off the towel. However, if we look at her shadow on the shower wall, we can see that she's wearing a bra, as the strap is obvious to the human eye. Blatant lack of nudity.
0:36:30 - We see her hand turning the tap on, and the camera goes up a bit to avoid seeing the towel wrapped around her breasts, to make us think she's naked. Sorry guys (and some girls, who I now like a lot), but she's not naked.
0:36:34 - Pointless shot of the outside of the shower cabin thing.
0:36:38 - Julie takes her stupid little shower bag thing, and, realising there's nothing in it, says "Nice going, Jules," and leaves.
0:36:55 - As she leaves the shower cabin thing, her hair is miraculously dry. Scraggly, but dry nonetheless.
0:37:00 - The guy with the orange mark on his face (remember him?) comes in from the side. Here's how to make that bit scary if you're watching this with a friend that hasn't seen this yet.

1 - TURN UP THE VOLUME TO MAXIMUM.
2 - TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.
3 - PUT ON A MASK.
4 - WHEN THE GUY COMES ROUND THE CORNER, STAB YOUR FRIEND WHILE WEARING THE MASK. THEY WILL BE HALF-SCARED. THAT'S THE MAXIMUM REACTION YOU CAN GET FROM THIS SUPPOSED SCARY BIT.

0:37:01 - The old guy tells Julie that "Nelson's come back to even the score." Nelson? That sounds even more like Jason!
0:37:04 - He then tells Julie to "ask Tommy McConnell what really happened to Nelson that night".
0:37:06 - Julie asks the guy how he knew her dad's name, and he puts on a shocked face, to suggest that he didn't know Tommy McConnell was her dad. If that's the case, then why did he tell a random female to find Tommy McConnell, when there were other camp people there when Nelson was at the camp? (For those of you wondering who Nelson is, don't worry - this is the first he's been mentioned in the movie.)
0:37:15 - The guy then takes about 15 seconds to slowly walk away.
0:37:35 - We see Julie typing an e-mail. This time it's the right one, but the footage has been re-used from the mistake at 0:11:25. Now, when we see (and hear) this...

"There's an old man up here named Henry. Patrick said that he used to run the camp years ago. Anyway, he knew your name, and asked me to ask you "what really happened to Nelson?" Any idea what he was talking about? Miss you. Love Jules."

...it makes a bit more sense.
0:37:45 - We see Julie, Brad, Drew, Toby, Blonde Chick With No Name and Surfer Dude sitting around a table, discussing the recent events. I smell a script coming... AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!

TOBY: So what do you guys think is going on around here anyway?
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Simple, I think that Dean got dumped by Whitney, he couldn't handle it, went psycho on her, end of story. (What about Jason, though?)
JULIE: I've known Dean a long time. I don't think he's capable of anything like that.
TOBY: I still think we're overlooking the obvious here.
BRAD: What's that?
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Trevor Moorhouse is back for revenge.
SURFER DUDE: (After doing a funny wee laugh thing that makes him look like Dave Grohl even more than usual) Get outta here!
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: I'm not kidding, I heard this guy was real.
DREW: Okay, who's Trevor Moorhouse?
SURFER DUDE: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 18) The camp boogeyman. (Aw, wouldn't it have been great if he'd have been in the "Boogeymen" DVD?)
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Take it for whatever it's worth, but my older sister swears she knows someone whose brother's friend disappeared up here a couple of years ago during the summer. (Hmmmm, not worth a lot by the sounds of it.)
TOBY: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 19) What is this, six degrees of mutilation? (Not only is this pointless, but it gets a huge response from Surfer Dude, who then looks so much like Dave Grohl you'd expect him to grab a mike and start screaming "BREAKOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT" at any moment. In fact, Surfer Dude's reaction here is the funniest thing in this disc. If I can get a picture of it, I'll find a way to post it.) There's no such person as Trevor Moorhouse.
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: That's what my sister said she told that guy a few years ago... the night he disappeared. (But he only disappeared. And I thought it was her sister's friend's brother's friend. Why would her sister tell the guy?)

0:38:26 - Huge musical stings follow, and we see closeups of everyone's face, one by one. First up is Whitney, who looks uninterested as she drinks her hot chocolate.
0:38:28 - Then we see Surfer Dude, contemplating life.
0:38:29 - Then Toby, looking like he's trying to count up how many pathetic jokes he's made so far in the movie, and if he's winning. In actual fact, he has made 6 so far, and he IS winning. The league tables are as follows.

1 - TOBY (6)
2 - JASON (4)
3 - DEAN (3)
4 - WHITNEY (2)
5 - BRAD / PATRICK / JULIE / SURFER DUDE (1 EACH)

0:38:32 - We then see Blonde Chick With No Name's face, as she looks smug and ever-so-slightly sexy.
0:38:33 - Then it's Brad, who looks worried.
0:38:35 - Finally we see Julie, who opens her eyes as if she's been sleeping the whole time and has just woken up to see what the commotion is.

Thus the tension is created, and chapter 9 ends.

I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully, with at least chapter 10.
And thanks everyone for not pointing out the fact that the title of this whole thread is spelt wrong. http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 01-24-2002).]

[Scully1888]

Also, seeing as this is my 400th post, I thought I'd do it in this thread.

As I've been doing this analysis, I've also been making a MS Word document version of it. It's as up-to-date as this thread's version, only the spelling mistakes have been corrected and it's got all the punctuation and stuff that you can't do in a messageboard. If anyone wants a copy, e-mail me at Scully1888@hotmail.com and I'd be more than happy to e-mail you it.

I'd also like to talk horror with anyone on MSN Messenger. You can get me using the same e-mail address.

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 01-24-2002).]

[chinton]

God scully you need to get an award or something for your incredible work.

[SeperateSelf]

I must say man, this is the coolest thread in the forums right now. I haven't seen this pile of crap, but I might just watch it now. If its as funny as you make it, its some hilarious shite!

[Zing!]

I nearly soiled myself when I read DVD Verdict's review of "Bloody Murder." I have to say it's right on the money. Here it is:

"...When I first got this movie I thought "Well, maybe this will be scary, or if not that at least unintentionally funny." No such luck. For the love of all that's good and right, pass on this disc at whatever costs. Spend your money on wiser investments, like a toilet brush or dental floss. Bloody Murder has terrible production values, terrible acting, a total of 5 drops of blood...no gore, no scares, no boobs...just a big pile of movie doo-doo. I guarantee if you buy this film, 4 days later the disc will be used as a coffee cup coaster.

If I were to rate this film from 1 to 10, it would get a "- Z."

[AlienClown]

Damn this is just sadism at its purest. BM is a very bad movie that deserves its spot on the worst movies of all time list, it should be even lower down. A stupid FT13 rip-off that is a worthless time waster. I wouldn't do such a comprehensive summary for any movie, let alone this horrible movie. I nearly let out an audible groan when one of the characters says what movie they're watching: Sleep Away Camp Massacre 25 or something like that. This should never have been made.

[ominous_oat]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Scully1888:

BRAD: I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who was faded to work at this place. (Could an American please explain "faded" to me? Does it mean happy or sad? Either way, it's a cheap line.)
</font>

Well being an American I can tell you this, it is not part of my slang. And i don't believe it's in anyone else's.....maybe the script write just pulled a George W. Bush and made up his own word?

Also, keep up the good work, I haven't seen Bloody Murder, and there's no where to rent it....I'm almost tempted to shell out a whole 6 bucks on amazon to buy it, what have you done to me?

[malaria]

Futher to the subject of "Faded". It occurred to me that maybe the guy was saying "Fated" Yanks have a tendancy to blunt their "t"s. "...fated to work here" would make a lot more sense but agreed, it still sounds pussy.
PS Thanks Scully. LOL. Can't wait for the rest.

[someguy]

Will Scully finish off the movie's analysis? Is Trevor Moorhouse the killer? Or is it someone else? Will Dawn suffer all forms of miserable misery? Will we know the Blonde Chick's name? Will the editor get fired? Oh the humanity!

[chinton]

bump

[chinton]

bump

[ominous_oat]

Eh uh....huh? Oh Bump!

[AlienClown]

All these bumps are kind of unnecessary guys. Ok, you really seem to want to see the rest of this "analysis", but you don't have to bump it every few hours. I would think that when Scully has an update he can go back to the post and do it himself. Just because it might not been on the front page anymore doesn't mean it will dissapear forever, it will be there when there's actually more to be added to it than worthless "bump" posts. Just how I see it.

[Scully1888]

Sorry for the huge delay guys. For making you wait, I've managed to do Chapters 10, 11 AND 12.

That's about 14 minutes worth, bringing us almost up to the hour mark.

Hope you enjoy.

[Scully1888]

Hmmm, I suppose it would help if I actually pasted the thing.

CHAPTER 10 - "New Target"

0:38:39 - Pointless shot of the forest.
0:38:44 - We see Brad tying his shoelaces next to a cabin door, where Surfer Dude is standing.
0:38:53 - Surfer Dude asks Brad where he's going. Brad claims that he's going to set up the archery range for the first activity, because (as he tells us while laughing a couple of times, despite its lack of humour) "I thought one of us should take responsibility for this cabin", whatever the hell that means.
0:38:54 - Surfer Dude says "good thinking", although it doesn't look like he means it. Maybe that's because his face has a constant cheesy grin.
0:38:59 - PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 20 - Surfer Dude reminds Brad, after a moment of tension, "don't forget to look out for Trevor Moorhouse". Oh my God, the hilarity of it.
0:39:00 - Surfer Dude then goes on to stand at his dorr, with a far away look on his face, laughing at his own (unfunny) joke, for a whole 8 seconds. I know it may not seem like a lot, but just imagine you were watching it on TV. The camera stays on the guy for 8 whole seconds, as his face has the same expression on it. Look at your watch while executing a cheesy grin. Count 8 seconds. See how long it actually is?
0:39:08 - Cut to Brad, he's taking bows and arrows to the archery range. Hmmm... didn't Camp Crystal Lake of Friday the 13th fame have an archery range? Interesting coincidence. I believe the Camp Arawak from Sleepaway Camp also had one, but don't wuote me on that, I'm only 80% sure.
0:39:22 - Oh! Nice. We get a point-of-view from the killer's eyes. That's original. Oh wait - they did it in Halloween. That was like, more than 20 years ago. Plis they did it in Friday the 13th. Never mind. Oh aye, they did it in Child's Play as well. And every other movie ever created.
0:39:36 - Shit, we can see the killer's boots again. Surely this means a death is inevitable? We can also now see that he's wearing white gloves, for no logical reason (other than the fact that he's possibly also trying to rip off Mickey Mouse).
0:39:46 - We see Brad putting a paper target on one of the big pieces of wood. Surely they could just paint bullseyes on the bits of wood, so they don't have to keep going and putting targets on them? I'm sure the camp isn't often vandalised by paint-erasing kids.
0:39:47 - Oh, we see a gloved hand taking one of the cheap plastic bows from the table and grabbing what looks like two... yes it's two arrows! WE HAVE ARROWS, PEOPLE! &lt;shit joke&gt; I wonder if Arrow knows he's in Bloody Murder... &lt;/shit joke&gt;
0:40:02 - Brad turns round to look, now come on - the killer must be there. He was there 2 seconds ago.
0:40:03 - No, the killer appears to have disappeared.
0:40:04 - We see the boots again, and one of them steps on what looks like a normal piece of ground. However, it gives a sound not unlike that of someone biting a potato chip. I'm assuming they're trying to make it sound like he stood on a twig. Could they not have recorded someone stepping on a twig and used that sound?
0:40:05 - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! We see the pointy bit of an arrow flying through the air!
0:40:06 - Hmmm. I'm assuming they're trying to make it look like the arrow's went through his back and out his stomach, when in reality it just looks like someone's glued a small piece of wood to his jumper with a small metal arrowhead to it.
0:40:08 - Brad's face doesn't really look like he's in pain. It looks like he's disappointed or something. In fact, he looks exactly like I did when I saw that Shaquille O'Neal may be in Terminator 3.
0:40:09 - Uh-oh. Here comes another one. This one has a green back bit (I think it's called the flight or flite or something, but I'm no archer.)
0:40:10 - WAHEY! As we see the second arrow in Brad's back (not entering it, mind, just in it), we can clearly see that this is...
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 6 - Continuity error on the arrows. The back of the second arrow (let's call it the "flite" just because I don't know its actual name) is bright green, as is seen at 0:40:09. However, when we see Brad's back, the two arrows have the following colours: one is wood-coloured (in other words, a wooden flite), and the other is half red, half bottle green. As the first frame of Brad's back differs from the second frame in that the red/green arrow moves slighty, I assume we are being told that this red/dark green arrow is the very same arrow that was light green when it was flying through the air.
0:40:11 - Brad does a tiny little jolt, and his face remains sad, much like mine was when I realised that James Cameron wouldn't be directing Terminator 3.
0:40:15 - Brad drops to his knees, then sort of eases himself onto the ground, arrows sticking out of his back. You got it, it's...
DEATH NUMBER 3 - Brad dies by arrows to back.
0:40:30 - We cut to Julie opening her laptop. Her USALynx e-mail network thingy starts looking for e-mails. She technically shouldn't have any, because her laptop isn't plugged into the phone line, so she really won't be able to transmit or receive any data.
0:40:31 - Oh, wait, she has mail. Hmmmm, that's a rather largeish mistake.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 7 - Julie recieves an e-mail, despite her laptop not being connected to a phone line.
0:40:40 - Interestingly, it seems that by not actually being able to dial up a number and access her e-mail account, Julie can actually receive e-mails that have the correct voice-over reading them out! I should try that.
0:40:41 - The e-mail reads:

-------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, Sweetie.

I don't remember anyone named Nelson being at the camp when I was there. Henry must have me confused with someone else.

Hope you're having fun
Love,
Dad
-------------------------------------------------------------

Intriguing, I'm sure you'll agree.
0:40:45 - Surfer Dude (the star of the show) arrives at the archery range, but Brad is nowhere to be seen.
0:41:01 - A whole 16 seconds of walking later, he shouts "BRAD!" No answer.
0:41:03 - Yet again, "BRAD!" Again, nothing. The tension.
0:41:06 - The look of disappointment on Surfer Dude's face is clear. In fact, to get big laughs at this point, do what I do. You know that guy Otto from the Simpsons, who has the classic surfer accent ("Yo, Bart dude!")? Well, use Otto's voice, and when you see Surfer Dude's look of disappointment, say "DUDE, HE BAILED! WEAK!" which, translated, is "DOOOOOOOOOOD, HE BAAYYYYLD!! WEEEEEEK!!" Trust me, everyone else laughs because, subliminally, they all think he looks like a surfer dude without even knowing it. Then when you do the surfer dude accent, they all think you're really clever because you're telling them their thoughts and stuff.
0:41:08 - We see the Sheriff in his office. He gets a phone call. It seems the Sheriff's name is "Sheriff Wilson". I find it ironic that his surname is the same as that of Tom Hanks's volleyball in "Castaway", and that they give similar performances.
0:41:12 - We see a shot of the whole office, and Dean is still sitting on the chair he was sitting on in the previous scene. Now wait a minute here. Surely this doesn't mean that the guy's been sitting in the damn chair all night? This is the next day, for Pete's sake. (By the way, Pete isn't being treated as a possible suspect, seeing as he's just part of my cliched phrase.) Another interesting fact is that, if we're keeping count, Patrick said the morning after Jason disappeared that the kids would be arriving in 3 days. This means that at this point in the movie, it's the day before the kids arrive. Interesting.
0:41:20 - After answering his phone call, we then see the Sheriff and Dean in that big Sheriff-mobile again, driving back to the camp. Told you Dean was off the hook. And seeing as Brad is now dead, that leaves the possibilities of the killer as follows:

PATRICK
TOBY
SURFER DUDE
JASON

Hmmmm, whoever it is, it ain't gonna be a huge surprise.
0:41:37 - Dean growls menacingly at Patrick, saying "don't get too used to the idea of having me around". Like it's Patrick's fault Dean was arrested.
0:41:46 - Oh, this bit has a great line in it. Here comes the script (by the way, the Sheriff's jeans are tighter and a lighter shade of blue. They look reasonably gay):

SHERIFF: So, you say that Jason had a beef with Brad Thompson (had a beef? LOL).
PATRICK: Ah that's right, um, Brad was the last person Jason competed against in track before he blew his knee out (I still don't understand why that would make Jason have a "beef" with Brad! Anyone?).
(Here comes another excellent line)
SHERIFF: Jesus. Some of these kids are taking their sports way too seriously today (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!). Don't worry Patrick, we're gonna catch Jason. I've got every officer in the state working to make that happen.
PATRICK: Well that's great, what shall we do about the, uh, camp in the meantime?
SHERIFF: Well, I don't think you'll have any more trouble but just in case, I'll put a man down there on Vaughn Road, across from the archway. Anything suspicious you just give a holler he'll come running.
PATRICK: Great, thanks Sheriff.
SHERIFF: Sure.

And so ends Chapter 10. Seeing as the police are now after Jason and we're only halfway through the movie, it should be clear that Jason is also not the killer. So, our list of suspects is now as follows:

PATRICK
TOBY
SURFER DUDE

Surely we won't be able to guess who it is before he reveals himself.

CHAPTER 11 - "Julie"

0:42:22 - Julie walks over to Patrick and Toby (two of our three suspects) and starts to have a wee chat, which shall now be scripted for your delight (I hope):

JULIE: What's going on with the police car out front?
PATRICK: Well, the Sheriff thought it might be a good idea if somebody kept an eye on the camp. It's just a precaution.
TOBY: Of course, this is so obvious, we're at sleepover camp. Naturally the killer had to be Jason.
JULIE: What's he talking about?
PATRICK: Julie, Brad disappeared earlier today. The Sheriff thinks Jason might have had something to do with it.
JULIE: That's crazy. I don't believe it.
PATRICK: Well, come on Julie. We all saw the look in his eyes when he discovered that Brad was up here for the summer.
JULIE: He was upset. Jason couldn't possibly do anything to hurt anyone.
TOBY: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 21)(Totally ignoring Julie's past 3 sentences) Oh great. I'm a dead man! The one guy I piss off this summer had to be a psychotic killer named Jason, no less (Hmmmm, not very clever, naming the person you're ripping off).
JULIE: There's got to be some other explanation.
PATRICK: I hope there is, believe me. But in the meantime, we can't be too careful.
JULIE: (As if she'd just walked in and the previous 11 sentences hadn't been said) Patrick can I talk to you alone?
PATRICK: Ummm... sure. Toby, um, why don't you head back down to the lake and make sure the canoes are secured (that's a pathetic task).
TOBY: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 22) Oh sure. You know this is a great time for me to be walking through the camp alone. Why don't you just paste a sign on my back that says "PLEEEEEEEEZE KEEEEL NEXT" (yes, that's the way he says it, like a little green man).
PATRICK: Go. (LOL)
(Toby leaves)
JULIE: Henry said something to me by the showers yesterday. He said, "Nelson's come back to even the score". Then he told me to ask my dad what really happened that night. Do you know what he's talking about?
PATRICK: (Looking nervous) Mmmmmmmmmmmm no. Henry's sick, Julie (what, with that convulsive Altzheimer's?). He doesn't always make complete sense as we know it. I'll tell you what - I'll go through the, uh, camp archives and look for this, um...
JULIE: Nelson.
PATRICK: Right, if that'll make you feel any better.
JULIE: Thanks.
PATRICK: I wouldn't get your hopes up, though. Henry's always saying one thing or another and 9 times out of 10 it's meaningless (much like this script, then).

0:44:09 - We see the famous "Julie man walk" as she enters her room. She walks into the middle of the room, looks right then left, then procceds to walk to her computer like a man with a large rodent stuck up his ass.
0:44:22 - She sees a note on the noticeboard written by Drew. Now this is a pointless mistake. The sign reads:

"I've gone out to the lake for a swim - come join me &lt;heart&gt; Drew"

However, the voiceover reads:

"Hi Julie, I went down to the lake for a swim. Come and join me. Drew."

Why couldn't she have just read it normally?
0:44:30 - We see Julie walking through the forest, towel slung over her shoulder.
0:44:37 - UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY 2 - As she walks by, we see the killer's blue overalls, and it becomes clear that he's watching Julie. We see the killer from behind. Only, and this is the funny part, he has a huge brown stain covering the whole ass region, as if he's shit himself.
0:44:38 - More Julie walking.
0:44:50 - A shot of the killer. This is a rare full body shot, and it appears as if the killer's holding a trowel-fork thing like the thing that Rod has in Tina's back garden in A Nightmare On Elm Street which he describes as "pretty intense". Only here it just looks gay.
0:45:04 - We still see Julie walking. This has gone on for 34 seconds already, and the killer's only taken up about 5 of these seconds, meaning we've seen almost half a minute of walking so far.
0:45:08 - We see the killer's feet. I refuse to believe that this bit isn't meant to be comical, because it's hilarious. The killer is walking through all sorts of twings and branches on the ground, and it's making all manner of noises. Surely Julie could hear it.
0:45:11 - She stops and listens, as if the noise wasn't already blatantly obvious. She turns round and, just like with Brad's death, the killer isn't there even though he should be.
0:45:42 - After more walking, Julie drops her towel then picks it up again. Yup, pointless.
0:45:54 - Julie stands on a twig, which causes her to stop in terror for some reason. She then drops her towel again and starts running like a man. What the hell? (Interesting note - we've just seen Julie walking for a whole 1:24).
0:46:02 - The killer starts running too, in fact he runs a hell of a lot like the T-1000 ni Terminator 2, when he's running after the car.
0:46:06 - While he's running, the killer steps on Julie's dropped towel, although it happens so fast that you can;t even see it properly if you freeze-frame it.
0:46:21 - We get another POV shot from the killer's eyes. It looks as if he's about 15 yards away from her.
0:46:25 - We then cut to a wide angle of Julie running. If the killer was 15 yards away from her, as his eyes suggest, he would easily be in this shot. He isn't, however.
0:46:31 - Julie runs out onto a road, where Dean is driving by in his big red van thing. Julie waves him down, and he kind of pulls over and stops.
0:46:36 - Dean's reaction is understandable: "Jesus Christ, McConnell, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
0:46:47 - Apparently, pulling over gives your car a flat tyre. So Dean now has to fix the tyre.
0:46:58 - A wee mini-script here:

JULIE: Are you going somewhere?
DEAN: As far away from this fuckin' place as possible. (There it is - the word that gets this a "15" rating in the UK.)
JULIE: What do you think's going on up here?
DEAN: I think somebody's playing a rather elaborate prank on us. It's like that "Bloody Murder" joke we played on Brad the other night, my old man told me they used to run that gag every year up here. (What does that have to do with anything?)
JULIE: Hey, have you seen Henry around?
DEAN: Not lately, but you could probably catch him up at his house.
(Julie starts walking away)
DEAN: Uh, McConnell, I could give you a ride back to the camp if you don't mind waiting.
JULIE: No it's okay... I'll walk.
(She starts walking away, more like a man than ever, and to cap it all off she's going in the wrong direction)
DEAN: Hey! The camp's back that way!
(She barely flinches, and keeps walking)

0:47:40 - We see the killer's feet yet again, holding that three-pronged trowel thing. This can't be good.
0:47:50 - Finally, someone remembers the Jason & Whitney dry-humping scene, as Dean says quietly, even though Julie has gone, "oh by the way, I saw your boyfriend slam-tackling my ex-girlfriend by the lake the other night. Just thought you'd wanna know." Pointless now, mate.
0:47:59 - HOLY SHIT!!!!!! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!?!?!?!?!?! As Dean is fixing the tyre, the killer comes up from behind and slits his throat! Well actually, he does the most fake throat-slitting thing I've ever seen. In fact, if you freeze-frame it and see it frame by frame, you notice that Dean already has the cuts painted onto his neck, then the hand comes in, the knife is moved across his throat (although it misses by a mile), then Dean cocks his head back and we see the cut clearer. It all happens so fast that we're not meant to see the cut before it happens, but it's still pretty obvious that it's there.
0:48:09 - After about 10 seconds of terrible facial expressions from Dean, we hear him squawk "Joo-lay", which I'm assuming is meant to be "Julie", although he says it with the most pathetic choking noise that it's actually quite hilarious.
0:48:13 - Jesus Christ. The camera has only been off Dean for all of 2 seconds and what was a small cut has developed into a huge blood stain all over his jumper. That's a bit over-the-top.
0:48:15 - Dean then starts hitting at the side of the truck with a pump thing. I'm assuming this is to get Julie's attention, but she's long gone by now and all he's doing is decreasing the value of his truck.
0:48:18 - The killer comes from behind again and sticks the three-pronged trowel-thing into Dean's back. We see jam-like blood, but it looks more like someone's already cut holes in his jumper, filled them with ooze, then pressed the prongs against them to make the jam ooze out. It looks incredibly fake. And comical.
0:48:25 - Dean finally lies dead after 26 seconds of struggling. He now has two cut marks across his neck, which is interesting.
DEATH NUMBER 4 - Dean dies by throat-slitting and jam-spreading.

With that hilarious confectionery-laying death comes the end of Chapter 11. We are now well more than halfway through the movie, and the possible suspect list (as a reminder) is as follows:

PATRICK (Camp Owner - Strong possibility)
TOBY (Stereotypically Funny And Zany Teenager Boy - Not so strong. The funny guy almost always dies or gets the girl)
SURFER DUDE (Nameless Character With Minimal Lines - Strong possibility. It would be a shock ending to say the least)

CHAPTER 12 - "Nelson Hammond"

0:48:31 - We see Julie approaching a creepy old cottage. She starts walking towards it.
0:48:45 - Finally, she gets there. Again, an unusually long amount of time (14 seconds) to show someone walking. Maybe if she was a professional walker or something, or if she wiggled her ass when she did it, then it would be understandable, but she literally walks as if all the shit in the world has managed to get into her pants.
0:48:46 - We now cut to a - wait a minute - a POV from someone's eyes! Maybe it's the killer!
0:48:49 - Nah, it's just Julie. She shouts "Henry?" while walking around the creepy old cottage.
0:48:54 - She follows up with "Henry, if you're in there... I, I'd like to speak to you." My God, it's such a creepy old cottage.
0:48:56 - Julie then says out loud, to nobody, "creepy old cottage". Told you.
0:49:14 - Various dark shots of inside Henry's creepy old cottage, but it's too dark to be any use.
0:49:22 - Julie puts a desk light on, and immediately starts looking at photos and whatnot. Nosey bitch.
0:49:29 - She takes a photo from the wall and looks at it. I have no idea what the hell it is. Somehow, however, Julie knows it's the right place because of it. Fair enough.
0:49:30 - Julie then goes on to do the most pathetic "search" I've ever seen. She picks up then puts down a stack of papers (wthout reading through them), opens and closes a drawer (without looking through it), opens a second drawer, lifts a pile of papers and just happens to take out a camp photo of all the kids taken the exact year her dad was at the camp. That was a bit lucky.
0:49:44 - Cut to Julie typing an e-mail. Ah! Again it's properly narrated. Must be disconnected again.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Things are getting a little creepy out here. Jason took off a few days ago; and now Whitney and Brad are missing. I found a picture of you when you were a counselor here. You're standing right next to a camper named Nelson Hammond. Are you sure you don't remember him? PLEASE CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS MESSAGE. LOVE JULIE (Although the voice-over says "love Jules").
--------------------------------------------------------------

0:49:59 - "THERE YOU ARE!" screams Drew, who comes up behind Julie. She then proceeds to ask why Julie wasn't at the lake, to which Julie replies "I got a little sidetracked". Drew then gives Julie her towel, telling her that she "found it on the path down by the lake". Now, we know that's a lie because Julie was running through grass and trees when she dropped the towel.
0:50:12 - Close-up on the towel. It has a dirty great footprint on it.
0:50:14 - Cut to the Sheriff, Julie and Patrick looking at the towel. Ah, another scripting opportunity.

SHERIFF: Does Jason have a shoe that matches this print?
JULIE: Well yeah he does, but... (how would she know? Does she study shoe-soles for a living?)
SHERIFF: That's it. Jason Hathaway's our boy (rather slim evidence I'd say. And is it not maybe possible that another person had the same shoes? It's a footprint, not a fingerprint - you can get more than one the same). I'll notify his parents and I'll triple our efforts (what? Triple their efforts?! LOL! He's just admitted to them both that his force is only doing a third of the work they could do!). It always helps to know who you're looking for (except when it's just a wild guess based on a footprint on a towel that may not even belong to Jason because Julie could be wrong).
PATRICK: Thanks Sheriff.
(The Sheriff leaves.)
JULIE: Patrick, I went by Henry's place and I found something. (She starts pointing at various parts of the photo.) See, right there, that was my dad 25 years ago and, according to this, that was a camper named Nelson Hammond.
PATRICK: (Rather aggresively) Julie, you gotta start facing the facts here. You've got a jilted boyfriend out there with a history of violent behavour (since when?) who's trying to make your life very unpleasant. Look, if, if, you don't feel... if you don't feel comfortable... staying up here until this is resolved, I'd understand. I'd probably go out of my mind if you left, but I'd understand.

0:51:32 - After getting no e-mails (maybe because her laptop isn't plugged into the phoneline again), Julie then tries to go on the USALynx Web Search. Again, technically it shouldn't be possible, especially seeing as she just left a message on her dad's answering machine before using the laptop, further reinforcing the factt hat her laptop definitely isn't plugged into the phoneline. However, it works. Oh well.
0:51:33 - Julie searches for "NELSON HAMMOND".
0:51:35 - She gets 4 results. Here they are in full.

------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Randolf Nelson Hammond, 73, retires from Presidential Advisory Committee. Mr. Hammond will be leaving Washington after 26 years of service with the Federal Government. He will, however, continue teaching on a limited basis upon his return to Vermont.

2. New breed of flea discovered in Zaire jungle. Geneticists Scott Hammond and Nelson Edwards of Kendington institute of Hereditary Studies declared that the new species will bring a breakthrough in their investigations of tropical disease transmission.

3. August 1, 1974. 12-year-old Nelson Hammond was rushed to the hospital Saturday after nearly drowning in Lake Placid Pines. Counselors report he was playing a game of 'Bloody Murder' when the accident occurred.

4. July 2, 1981. Nelson Hammond was committed to the Carpenter County Medical Institution yesterday for the murder of his former camp counsellor, Bill Anderson. When asked if he was remorseful for the murder, Hammond replied only, "Have you ever played 'Bloody Murder'?" Bill Anderson is survived by his pregnant wife, Patricia.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, even though I like the one about Zaire fleas best, Julie decides to read numbers 3 and 4. However, before reading number 3, she reads this for some reason: "12-year-old Nelson Hammond taken to hospital after mysterious accident at Camp Placid Pines". She THEN goes on to read the whole of number 3, starting with the date August 1st and so on. The first sentence she said was not ont he screen anywhere. In between reading 3 and 4, Drew comes in to ask for her scissors. It's a clever (or not) trick by director Ralph Pordildo to make you remember her when it tells you about the pregnant wife, because it appears that the wife was pregnant with Drew, so Nelson Hammond killed Drew's dad. However, everyone just ends up laughing at her asking for scissors, for some reason, and doesn't really give a shit about the storyline.

0:52:28 - She then gets disconnected (although she never was connected in the first place) with a window popping up saying "CONNECTION INTERRUPTED!!! GOODBYE..." Like that realy happens. If anyone has ever used USALynx, can you please tell me if it ever says that? With so many exclamation marks?
0:52:34 - Julie seems shocked by getting disconnected. She checks the back of her laptop in case the wire had come out (despite, you got it, one never being there in the first place). She then picks up the phone and listens, pressing three different parts of the phone for some reason. Not the actual handset that you speak into, but the plastic base. Just three random presses.
0:52:45 - Julie goes outside and Drew's there, cutting up magazines with scissors (yeah it's gay, but not as gay as what she later does with the magazine cuttings). Julie tells her that she's going to check the phone in the office, to see if it's working. Drew says okay, and with that, the emotional rollercoaster that is Chapter 12 comes to a close. The possible suspects are still:

PATRICK
TOBY
SURFER DUDE

...and the word count is now 17,530 exactly. Except "exactly" was the 17,531st. So technically, "17,530" was the 17,530th word and "exactly" was the 17,531st. Yeah.

[Jason Voorhees]

I finally got to catch this again yesterday...with a friend!

And we both enjoyed it! I ripped off many of Scully's jokes, of course, so thanks for those, man :). But it worked! I actually got someone I know to enjoy a session of Bloody Murder!

This thread is changing lives, man, changing lives...

:).

[Scully1888]

Thanks Jason, I appreciate it. http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif

I've got an exam on Wednesday, so don't expect another update until Thursday at the earliest. I'm sorry, but I've really been struggling with this subject (Sociology) and I need to get that clear in my head before I can continue with the Trevor Moorhouse saga. I promise that when I DO update, however, it will be a big one.

[Quebec-Joel]

that's really a big work there. Amazing. How many times did you watch the movie with all this?

Anyway, this movie will stay in my mind now just because of this thread. Good job

[cereal killer]

well scully as always your work is very impressive. I would like to aks you a question tho, how many chapters are in the whole movie?

Keep up the good work.

[chinton]

bump

[chinton]

bump

[Scully1888]

Thanks cereal. I'm still working on the next huge update. Trust me, it'll be worth it when it arrives.

And there are 20 chapters, coming to a total of about 86 minutes.

[someguy]

Ooh I can't wait.

[ominous_oat]

Thank God there's 8 more chapters, I was worried it was going to end soon, and then what would I have for entertainment?

[someguy]

I wonder if you'll do another analysis for a movie not in the horror genre. Dare I say,Autumn In New York?

[ominous_oat]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by someguy:
I wonder if you'll do another analysis for a movie not in the horror genre. Dare I say,Autumn In New York?</font>

*shudder* Autumn In New York? At least Bloody Murder is cheesy enough to entertain (I suppose, still have yet ot see it), Autumn in New York is just wrong....

[chinton]

bump. Oh god I need my bloody murder fix

[Jason Voorhees]

I hear ya, Chinton. Have you seen this flick, man? I'd wait until Scully's analysis is finished before viewing it if you already haven't; it helps you keep an enjoyable perspective on the film.

[chinton]

No Jason I havent. Im in college and our local Hollywood Video doesnt have it for some reason. DAMMNIT! Funny thing is I dont know if that is a good thing or bad thing.

[countchocula]

As entertaining as this in-depth analysis is, I don't think I could bring myself to sitting through Bloody Murder again. If you guys can find humor in watching it without Scully's hilarious liner notes, then more power to you, but I just can't. It would be like watching Hobgoblins without the MST3K troupe.

[Scully1888]

I'm sorry for this huge delay guys, but my university exam results came in, and I failed Sociology. So I've pretty much been studying Sociology non-stop until my re-sit, which is on Friday (tomorrow).
I have more stuff, but not enough to warrant an update. I guarantee that there'll be a massive update not long after the weekend, probably on Monday. Thanks for keeping this topic alive by discussing the analysis and not just bumping. Much appreciated.

[Scully1888]

By the way, I found a rather humorous site that sees Jessica Morris (the actress that played Julie... and I use the term "actress" loosely) as some kind of superstar.

Here's the link:

http://j-m-on-line.tripod.com/home.html

[Scully1888]

In fact, seeing as I'm such a nice guy, I'm going to post one of her interviews from her website, so you can all see just how smart she really is, and that she isn't as stupid as Julie is in Bloody Murder. However, unfortunately, it appears that she is ridiculously stupid in this interview. As with the Bloody Murder Analysis, my thoughts are in parentheses.

Candy or Flowers?
Do I really have to pick? Candy, because it tastes really, really good and it makes me hyper. (Indeed.)

Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla. It's smooth and creamy. (So is chocolate.)

TV or Movies?
Movies, because I like going to the movies. It's a whole experience. (Unless you're watching Bloody Murder, in which case you can give me Judge Judy any time.)

Rain or Snow?
Snow. Because [as a Florida native] I haven't seen a lot of it. It's still really cool and magical to me. (no comment.)

Sex or Romance?
Are you serious? I have to seriously pick? Romance without sex is
pretty lame, and sex without romance is pretty lame. So, then you can't pick. (this is actually a very interesting comment, so therefore I can only assume that someone else thought it up for her.)

Diet or Regular?
Diet. I think Diet Coke doesn't taste as good, but I feel like it's my one little thing I can do as far as
dieting is concerned. It's the one simple thing I can do. (Don't be too hard on yourself, you can do a lot of simple things.)

Bath or Shower?
Bath. I always take baths. They're just so relaxing. (Probably because whenever you take a shower, you're still wearing clothes (see 0:36:21).)

Pecs or Buns?
Pecs, I guess. I'm just picking one. I like all body parts. (except the brain, it would appear.)

See America or See Europe?
See Europe, because I haven't ever seen Europe.

Book or Movie?
Movie. You don't have to think in movies. (A-HA!!! There we go. You don't have to think in movies, which also, I'd wager, goes for acting. Meaning she wasn't really trying to act because she doesn't know that you have to think when you're acting and not just say the lines when it's your turn.)

Heaven or Hell?
I'd much rather go to Heaven, so I'll pick Heaven. (naturally.)

Superman or Batman?
Superman, because he's super. (Hmmmm. A bit obvious. I, personally, would go for Batman because he's a bat.)

Snow White or Cinderella?
Well, I wanted to be both of them. I have Snow White's fair skin, but I have Cinderella's hair. (Cinderella has fair skin.) So, it was a combination of both. But I always liked Snow White better just because
of the dwarves and everything -- they were cute.

Stripes or Solids?
Solids. All of my clothes are solids. (and when you act it looks like you're passing solids.)

Bert or Ernie?
I like Ernie. He's much nicer. The other one was kind of... ugh.

Brains or Brawn?
Brains, I guess. I don't like a smarty-pants, as far as guys go, who's really book-smart and always talking about stuff like that. But a guy who likes to think about things is definitely important. Usually, I'm not even attracted to a guy because of his looks initially. I get to know somebody and like them for who they are.
It helps if they're attractive. (Hmm, bit of a contradiction there, going from "I'm not even attracted to a guy because of his looks" to "it helps if they're attractive".)

Snooze Button or Jump Right out of Bed?
Snooze button. I usually hit it three or four times in the morning. (at once.)

Forgive or Forget?
I forgive, but I usually don't forget.

Sunrise or Sunset?
Sunset. I'm generally not up for the sunrise, but the sunset's always nice and romantic.

How do you know when it's love?
When all of the annoying things about the person that you're involved with disappear,
and you no longer even see them.

[Scully1888]

This could actually be a good way to let all us Bloody Murder fans get to know each other, by doing the JESSICA MORRIS/JULIE McCONNELL INTERVIEW!!!!!! Just reply to this and fill in your choices, saying why.

Candy or Flowers?

Chocolate or Vanilla?

TV or Movies?

Rain or Snow?

Sex or Romance?

Diet or Regular?

Bath or Shower?

Pecs or Buns?

See America or See Europe?

Book or Movie?

Heaven or Hell?

Superman or Batman?

Snow White or Cinderella?

Stripes or Solids?

Bert or Ernie?

Brains or Brawn?

Snooze Button or Jump Right out of Bed?

Forgive or Forget?

Sunrise or Sunset?

How do you know when it's love?

[Scully1888]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Scully1888:
This could actually be a good way to let all us Bloody Murder fans get to know each other, by doing the JESSICA MORRIS/JULIE McCONNELL INTERVIEW!!!!!! Just reply to this and fill in your choices, saying why.

Candy or Flowers? Candy, as seeing how I'm a guy I think flowers would suck extremely.

Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate. Vanilla isn't my cup of tea.

TV or Movies? Movies, particulary (you got it) horror movies.

Rain or Snow? Rain. Snow's too cold and rain makes a better noise.

Sex or Romance? Romance. You can pay for sex (with a prostitute) any time you want, but you can't pay for romance.

Diet or Regular? Regular. Trust me, if you saw me you'd believe me.

Bath or Shower? Shower. The thought of lying in your own dirt means I'm not usually keen on baths.

Pecs or Buns? Taking "pecs" in this case to mean breasts, I'd go for that.

See America or See Europe? America, but only because I live in Europe.

Book or Movie? Movie. I don't know why.

Heaven or Hell? Heaven, obviously.

Superman or Batman? Batman, because he's a bat.

Snow White or Cinderella? Cinderella, becuase she didn't have midgets. To quote Cartman, "midgets piss me off".

Stripes or Solids? Uh... what? Solids, I think.

Bert or Ernie? Bert. He has a huge monobrow.

Brains or Brawn? Taking "brawn" to mean "beauty" in this case, i'd go for that.

Snooze Button or Jump Right out of Bed? Snooze button, but only once.

Forgive or Forget? Forgive. That's my major flaw, I forgive too easily.

Sunrise or Sunset? Sunrise, because after seeing it you know how the hell to get back home because you're not in the dark.

How do you know when it's love? You just do, I dunno.

</font>

[The Evil Demonic Zombie]

TooL rocks! Can't wait for their feature length movie. You guys know that Adam Jones did FX for Stan Winston, (T2, Jurassic Park, Ghostbusters II) and also did the best part of NOE: Dream Child, the sequence with the embryo in the woom...cool shit.
Some TooL trivia: Adam Jones doesn't move on stage when playing live because during his work on Dances with Wolves he was attacked by a Buffalo, and the filmakers had to find a humane way to discontinue the attack which lasted several minutes.

[someguy]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by The Evil Demonic Zombie:
TooL rocks! Can't wait for their feature length movie. You guys know that Adam Jones did FX for Stan Winston, (T2, Jurassic Park, Ghostbusters II) and also did the best part of NOE: Dream Child, the sequence with the embryo in the woom...cool shit.
Some TooL trivia: Adam Jones doesn't move on stage when playing live because during his work on Dances with Wolves he was attacked by a Buffalo, and the filmakers had to find a humane way to discontinue the attack which lasted several minutes.</font>

I think your in the wrong topic.

[JasonSlasher]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by someguy:
Will Scully finish off the movie's analysis?</font>

I sure hope so, but I'm beginning to think that him studying this peice of crap so much might have ended him up somewhere far away from a computer (with white, soft walls...)

[Horror whore]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Scully1888:
[B]Candy or Flowers? - Candy

Chocolate or Vanilla? - Chocolate

TV or Movies? - Movies

Rain or Snow? - Snow

Sex or Romance? - Sex

Diet or Regular? - Diet

Bath or Shower? - Shower

Pecs or Buns? - Pecs

See America or See Europe? - See Europe

Book or Movie? - Movie

Heaven or Hell? - Heaven

Superman or Batman? - Batman

Snow White or Cinderella? - Snow White

Stripes or Solids? - Solids

Bert or Ernie? - Ernie

Brains or Brawn? - Brains

Snooze Button or Jump Right out of Bed? - Snooze

Forgive or Forget? - Forget

Sunrise or Sunset? - Sunset

How do you know when it's love? - I don't.

[SeperateSelf]

Scully, where are you? I thought we were getting our fix today man. Hey, I'm not complaining though. I know about that college work shit. I'm going through it right now too. I commend you for subjecting yourself to such torture just to please a bunch of us schmoes. Bravo my man!!!

[This message has been edited by SeperateSelf (edited 02-11-2002).]

[Scully1888]

It's coming guys, trust me.

[TooL]

Bloody Murder..Bloody Murder..I still can't believe they are making another one...brrr

[Jason Voorhees]

Shocking, isn't it, Tool? Personally, I'm still having trouble believing it :).

[chinton]

Oh my gosh I cant wait til the next post. I am just dying to find who Trevor Moorhouse. The suspense is killing me.

[chinton]

Scully where art thou Scully

[JasonSlasher]

Do you think you could at least tell us when to expect a new update?

[Wwl66]

The funniest thing I think was picturing a Scottish guy doing an impression of a surfer dude.Also,I'm wanting to say that the girl that plays Julie is one abc's One Life to Live.

[Scully1888]

Okay guys, I'm sorry, I've been treating you all like shit.

I promise, no, I guaran-damn-tee, that you will have a large update by Wednesday at the very latest. By which point all my exams will be over.

[cereal killer]

Well Scully that's great to hear i've been waiting for a long time for this update.
Thanks for the hard work dude.

[chinton]

thanks Scully I am so excited

[Miss Belladonna]

I have seen this piece of shite, and now I am seeing it in an entirely new more entertaining light...

I began reading this thread at work, but finished work before I finished reading...so I came home and finished it. That's how intrigued I was by your post Scully!! Well done!!!!

Can't wait for the conclusion!!

P.S. Good luck with your exams http://www.joblo.com/ubb/wink.gif

[slasherfan]

Hey skully, once your done can you send it to me at Slasherfan@hotmail.com so I can print it out, thanks.
Thanks to this moive I can't sleep at night, Trevor may be lurking.........

[chinton]

I need your wisecracks sully

[chinton]

Wheres Scully?

[Jason Voorhees]

Scully...come out, come out, wherever you are...

[Requiem-for-a-Dream]

Scully,
I've just read the whole thing (I haven't been here in awhile), it's awesome!
You're thank you was also very appreciated and you're welcome. Thanks for the long post. I'm going to rent this flick again and follow along with your hilarious commentary.

Matt

[JasonSlasher]

Yea, i just read it again and it's great, but I was wondering...
When will the next update be?

[someguy]

If there's not an update by tomorrow,I'm not visiting the topic again.

[chinton]

I hope nothing bad has happened to Scully. im starting to get worried.

[JasonSlasher]

me too....

[Zing!]

Oh! Scully, Scully; wherefor art thou Scully? The day is getting long and mine Bloody Murder fix is long past due!

[countchocula]

Calm down, dudes. I'm sure Scully will post more of his in-depth analysis when it's prepared. There's no reason to not visit this topic anymore just because the analysis hasn't been updated in awhile. He's a human being! I'm surprised that he's kept his sanity this far into the film. I'm sure it takes a great deal of patience and commitment to keep with this daunting task. He deserves much praise instead of an unfair sense of obligation.

Don't feel rushed, Scully. Take all the time you need to complete this masterpiece.

[Spikey]

lol scully, you have inspired me to do one of my own of a really bad movie. this sounds like sumting fun to do. i got a lot of time to do somthing like this. dont worry, i give you credit for the idea, this is certanly brillant and really funny. you are a mastermind of busting on movies. now i just need a really bad flick to do it on... any ideas?

[slasherfan]

I think I know what happened to Scully
Trevor moorhouse heard of this analisys and desided to take his revenge on poor Scully, wait, Trevor moorhouse couldn't kill a criple with no legs... never mind

[chinton]

Scully we're all getting very worried about you. Dont tell me you died or anything.

[slasherfan]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by chinton:
Dont tell me you died or anything.</font>

If he did die I'm pretty sure he WON'T tell you.

[chinton]

The statement was rhetorical Slasherfan

[someguy]

This is my last bump for the topic. After that,it's on its own.

[bowieee]

Bump

Just because there is so much work and love put into this project.

[chinton]

I dont want to sound morbid but is Scully dead

[bowieee]

Watching Bloody Murder must have made scully violently ill.

[Wolfman]

I may be the only one, but I really liked Bloody Murder. It wasn't supposed to be serious. It was supposed to be funny. It just doesn't bang you over the head with it like Scream does. Watch it as you would a Troma film.

[slasherfan]

As of NOW I am worried about Scully.

[Jason Voorhees]

Just bringing it back to the top again.

[Scully1888]

I RETURN.

I am extremely sorry, but there was no way I could get online. With the death of my grandad I was unable to do the analysis for a week, and when I finally finished it, the damn university computers were down, meaning I didn't have internet access.

So, to apologise, I will give you a song to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne".

For old accquaintances forgot,
I know I've crossed the line,
But oh, alas, twas not my fault,
I couldn't get online.

I couldn't get online, my dears,
I couldn't get online,
But now I'm on, so please pardon
My wasting of your time.

Here's chapters 13-15. Again, I'm sorry.


CHAPTER 13 - "End Of Trouble"

0:53:03 - We see Julie walking outside. In the dark, as usual.
0:53:08 - She sees the police car on Vaughn Road. The police guy inside is reading a newspaper: the Crescent Valley News. The headline is TWO TEEN COUNSELLORS MISSING FROM CAMP PLACID PINES; TREVOR MOORHOUSE SUSPECTED. More humorous, however, is the other headline on the page that we can only see a portion of. We can see ********AVES PIGS FROM DROWNING. This seems to be some kind of pig rescue story - always a good piece of family entertainment.
0:53:21 - The MOST VIOLENT MUSICAL STING I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE is heard. I can't even describe the thing, it's absolutely brutal. It sounds a bit like Freddy Krueger running his fingernails quickly down a blackboard and cutting a rat's tail in the process, making it squeak.
0:53:22 - The musical sting leads to a view of someone's feet. It's not the killer though, because you can clearly see a cotton sweatshirt of some sort.
0:53:24 - We see more shots of Julie practising her walking.
0:53:29 - We see the guy from behind. He's wearing a hooded sweatshirt, dark blue I believe.
0:53:40 - After more Julie-walking, she stops and looks around as if she's heard something.
0:53:46 - Nothing. She keeps walking.
0:53:49 - We see the police guy in the car. he's fallen asleep. TYPICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT.
0:53:51 - We hear that ferocious music sting again, as the guy leaps at Julie and grabs her legs, tripping her up and sending her falling to the ground.
0:53:55 - As she gets free and starts to run away, we hear the guy saying "Julie, wait, Julie". Clearly it's not the killer, and all excitment we may have had that he may be the killer is quickly dispelled.
0:53:57 - She runs past the cabins and into a random one.
0:54:10 - Now this is ridiculous. She runs over to the phone, picks it up, and says "Hello?". Now, there's so much wrong about that that I don't even know where to begin. We have to take into consideration, however, that she is in the process of learning how to walk, so maybe her teacher/parent is getting that out of the way before teaching her the basics of a telephone. She can't be expected to know that when using a telephone you have to dial numbers and that there's not just a wee man sitting at the other side waiting for you to speak to him.
0:54:17 - The door is banging, and we hear the guy saying "open the door, I'm not gonna hurt you".
0:54:18 - Julie's response is to scream down the phone, "SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!" Aye, that'll do it.
0:54:20 - She runs out of the random cabin, which I believe is the main office or something, and into the other one where all the food is. The mess hall or something, I dunno cause I've never been to camp.
0:54:34 - I'm getting a bit sick of this "eyes of the killer" camera angle now, especially when it's hardly ever the killer.
0:54:42 - The guy (or his eyes) sees footprints on the floor leading into the freezer thing (you remember that one that locked from the outside).
0:54:45 - As the guy goes into the freezer, a shoeless Julie slams the door behind him. I hate to admit it, but this is reasonably clever. Julie walked into the freezer, took her shoes off then fooled the guy into walking in. It's really clever, in fact. But I have the sneaking suspicion I've seen it somewhere before.
0:54:50 - Here comes another piece of script. It is revealed that the guy is Jason, and this is the resulting dialogue.

JASON: Wha, hey, open the door!
JULIE: Jason? (If she can tell it's Jason by that one sentence, then how come she couldn't tell it was him when he said "Julie, wait, Julie"?)(And another thing, why did he jump on her instead of getting her attention another way?)
JASON: Jules, let me explain.
JULIE: Jason! (Yes, we've established who it is. Can you vary your dialogue, please?)
JASON: It's not what you think.
JULIE: No! ("No" what? C'mon young Julie, you have to develop your speaking a bit more. Try to incorporate multiple words into your sentences.)
JASON: Dean threatened to tell you about me and Whitney by the lake the other night if I didn't leave. I couldn't risk losing you. And the next thing I know my picture's everywhere and the cops are after me. Julie, you've got to believe me!
JULIE: Jason, how could you?
JASON: I didn't do anything! (But you just admitted it in the last sentence you said. Talk about a quick lie. However, technically speaking he's telling the truth. Seeing as they were only dry-humping and still semi-clothed, Jason actually didn't "do" anything, or anyone.) Look, you've gotta help me. Just-just open the door, and we'll talk. Open the door Julie. JULIE, OPEN THE DOOR!

0:55:20 - Cut to the police taking Jason away. It should become obvious now that Jason definitely isn't the killer.
0:55:25 - Patrick tells Julie that she did the right thing, and the Sheriff, complete with tight-fitting blue jeans (that are a lighter shade than usual), says a classic line: "Well, that should be the end of trouble in Camp Placd Pines for a while".
0:55:55 - Julie goes to her room and she sees Drew sleeping in her bed, ACROSS THE ROOM. Why the hell do they have bunkbeds if they're not going to use them?
0:56:00 - Julie takes off her top, only for another one to be underneath it. Damn.
0:56:06 - After Julie takes off her shoes, we see the only (partial) nudity in the whole movie, and it's not even intentional. As Julie gets into bed, we can see a tiny part of her, ahem, downstairs area. Coincidentally, this is my flatmate's favourite scene in the whole movie.


CHAPTER 14 - "The Rope Broke"

0:56:18 - Drew walks past Julie (who is lying in bed) wearing a huge tartan dressing-gown and a towel around her neck. Note a rather largeish error. The kids are meant to arrive on this day, and there are no sign of them yet. Let's see if they actually do arrive.
0:56:21 - Julie wakes up. I smell an early-morning script!

JULIE: What time is it?
DREW: It's late. (then where are the kids?) I didn't want to wake you. You seemed really tired.
JULIE: Hey did my dad ever call back?
DREW: No, I didn't hear from him. What happened to you last night?
JULIE: Jason came back.
DREW: Eeeeeeeeew, creepy (yes, she says "Eeeeeeeeew", as in Eeeeeeeeew gross").
JULIE: Yeah.
DREW: Are you alright?
JULIE: It's weird but... I think I am. (That IS weird. Also watch Julie's eyebrows as she says this.)
DREW: Well that's good, I'm glad. (They share lesbian-like smiles.) Listen, Toby and I have to go down and finish setting up the obstacle course. D'you wanna come?
JULIE: Sure. In a minute, there's something I need to check first. (She then looks seedily down, as if to assume that it's underneath her bed. A dildo, maybe? YESSSS! Actually no, she's going to check her e-mails for the 12,859th time.)
DREW: Alright. (Sounds more like AIIIIIIIIIIGHT) Well take your time.

0:57:13 - Drew leaves, and with her goes any chance of a lesbian sex scene for now. Julie reaches under her bed for that damned laptop, and again she has an e-mail. Now, those with good memory (very good memory in fact, considering how long it's been since I managed to post on this thing) will remember this e-mail from an early chapter.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, Sweetheart
I had to leave town suddenly on business yesterday. I hope you weren't trying to reach me. I'll be back tomorrow, and we can talk.

Take good care of yourself.
I miss you!
Love,
Dad

PS Now that you mention it, I do remember Nelson Hammond. Whatever happened to him?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, it's the same e-mail from 0:25:36, way back in Chapter 7! Only this time, it's actually the right e-mail!
0:57:35 - Julie leaves the safety of her cabin thing, and proceeds to man-walk up a hill.
0:57:39 - We see Drew going over to Toby, who's working on some kind of rope ladder thing. Something that looks like it should be on American Gladiators at the last bit. She hands him a knife, and he proceeds to stick it into a tree and do stuff for no reason.
0:57:56 - Julie arrives on the scene, and Drew tells her that they're almost finished, and that does she want to "give it a run".
0:57:58 - Again, Julie falls to the power of persuasion. Toby looks at her as if to say "Aw, come onnnnnnnnnnn" and so she replies "I'm game". Damn it, looks like that's as close as she's going to come to saying "I'm gay". Although when you say "I'm game" in public you're pretty much stating your sexual preference anyway.
0:58:07 - Drew leaves, to finish marking the course. Julie waves her goodbye and has a longing look in her eyes, watching her long after she's left. Or something.
0:58:10 - Toby approaches Julie and says the worst pick-up line I've ever heard: "Uh, Julie, I'd, I just wanna, uh, let you know I understand how painful breakups can be (like when he broke up with his agent and decided to find movies himself) and uh, I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Or... perhaps a... a rebound relationship?"
0:58:20 - Now, where I come from, asking a female for a "rebound relationship" is going to at least get you some fisting, if you know what I mean. But Julie seems to be HAPPY that Toby's being a sleazy bitch. Her reply? "Thanks Toby. You're a good friend." My ass he is. He's a damn legend for having the sack to ask her that, but a friend? No chance!
0:58:27 - Julie walks away, and Toby looks pissed off. "Friend", he mutters to himself, but to be honest he's lucky that he still IS her friend.
0:58:29 - SWEET JESUS!!!! We see the killer guy, meaning that it can't be Toby. A humorous thing o note is that the killer's pants are baggy as hell, and as a result he looks like he has a saggy ass.
0:58:37 - He looks at a huge rope ladder. I would assume it's part of the obstacle course.
0:58:40 - Cut to Toby giving Julie a piece of rope that looks extremely like a noose. Could this be a clever symbol of death, or just lucky? Come on, you should know by now that it's always the second one.
0:58:42 - Julie asks Toby if he thinks Drew is ready yet. Toby answers "probably", but in a really weird way. He emphasises the last sound, as in "ProbabLEE".
0:58:45 - Julie says "wish me luck," but Toby's obviously having none of that. His reply: "just stay within the orange markers".
0:58:49 - There's that weird camera angle again, last seen at 0:31:58. I'm starting to wonder if they hired a cameraman with one arm to create this slanted effect.
0:58:50 - Julie jumps onto a... well... let's face it, it's a TINY log, holding the rope, and proceeds to swing over NOTHING on the rope. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the most pointless obstacle in the world!!!!! She covers about 3 metres with her swing, and she's swinging over nothing. When you take into consideration the fact that she had to climb onto the log, grab the rope then swing, she was better off just running. Plus, swinging on a rope doesn't take much skill unless you're actually swinging over water or something, so technically the word "obstacle" is used rather loosely here. Finally, to cap off all the humour, she adds a tiny little grunt of pleasure to make it sound as if "it's hard work, but it's worth it", when in fact it's neither.
0:58:55 - From the swing she seamlessly breaks into a run. It would have looked better, again, without the swing. Because, it has to be admitted, nothing is more seamless than a run into a run.
0:58:58 - Oh no... we see the killer sutting the rope on the top of the big rope ladder thing.
0:59:03 - Julie continues to run like a coalminer ready to drop some ass-coal, if you know what I'm saying.
0:59:04 - More cutting.
0:59:05 - Julie rounds a couple of poles, then proceeds to use one of those obstacles that I can't describe, but every one knows it. The one where it's as if you're walking a tightrope, only you're grabbing onto vertical ropes as well. Nevertheless, she manages the obstacle with more ease than me describing it.
0:59:25 - Oh no, you stupid bitch. You're going to climb the rope ladder.
0:59:31 - Wait: no you're not. You're not even able to get any higher than both feet off the ground. There's no need to worry.
0:59:32 - Shit, the rope's fraying.
0:59:33 - What a cheap-ass camera "trick". They're trying to make it look like Julie's climbing the wall by not showing any lower than her waist, and simply making her jump.
0:59:39 - More fraying.
0:59:41 - More jumping.
0:59:42 - More fraying AND IT'S BROKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
0:59:43 - Julie lands flat on her ass. Lucky her knees didn't take any damage, huh?
0:59:50 - Drew sees Julie fall, and with a muttering of "oh, shit", she goes over and asks if she's alright.
1:00:00 - And now, at the prestigious HOUR MARK, we see what has to be one of the worst mistakes in the whole movie.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 8 - Although Julie clearly fell on her ass, with her knees (especially her right) making no contact whatsoever with the ground, there is now a huge red mark on her knee. A large cut, if you will.
1:00:04 - Drew, in true almost-lesbian fashion, proceeds to rub the side of Julie's ass, as if she's rubbing it free of dirt whilst rubbing some lesbian sin into it. I think.

And with the hour mark upon us, we now travel into the murky depths of Chapter 15, the final chapter in Act 2.


CHAPTER 15 - "Another Disappearance"

1:00:06 - And Chapter 15 begins with my 2 favourite characters: the nubile Blonde Chick With No Name and the unforgettable Surfer Dude: two characters that, despite having no known first names, are veiled in a secrecy that makes them legends. This is gonna be a good Chapter, I can just smell it.
1:00:10 - OH HELL YES! We have a script coming up! And for all you Surfer Dude fans, his first name is revealed! Yes, his veil of secrecy is removed, but his legendary status lives on.

BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Doug, have you seen the tug-of-war rope round here? (So he's Doug. Not exactly a great name. Let's just stick with Surfer Dude, huh?)
SURFER DUDE: Yeah, I stashed it in the back office when we first got up here.
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: I looked back there and I couldn't find it.
SURFER DUDE: Hmm. Well. I'll tell you what (he looks like he's about to give her candy). I'll look for the tug-of-war rope, you take this stuff to the picnic area.
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Deal.
SURFER DUDE: Alright, cool.
(They walk away, but Surfer Dude's minute-and-a-half of fame isn't over yet)
SURFER DUDE: Oh, speaking of lost items, you haven't seen a pair of black boots laying around have you? I misplaced them the first day I got up here. (Excuse me? Lost ITEMS? LAYING? MISPLACED? This guy speaks like a novel.)
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Sorry, I haven't seen them.

1:00:42 - Blonde Chick With No Name then walks away with an ass that tens of men around the world would love to squeeze. And I'm one of them, baby.
1:00:44 - Surfer Dude walks up a hill, over to the cabins where the main office is. He walks with a mighty swagger.
1:00:49 - Now, I'm not really sure if this is a mistake, but if it isn't then the colours and lighting suck huge ass. As Surfer Dude walks along, past the cabins, everything seems to be green. The doors, the walls, the wooden planks, everything has a greenish hue.
1:00:55 - When he walks into the office, however, we can see outside through the open door and everything is blatantly red.
1:01:00 - Anyway, Surfer Dude walks over to the back cupboard and it looks as if it's going to be easy to get the tug-of-war rope, but... THE DOOR CLOSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry about the extreme excitement (after all, it's only a door closing... could have been the wind), but I was just giving an accurate description of how over-the-top the movie goes.
1:01:08 - Surfer Dude looks outside, but nothing's there.
1:01:16 - Now THIS I don't understand. He was clearly going ino the office to get the tug-of-war rope. So, what does he do? He starts putting away lawn darts (understandable) and then carries SIX basketballs at once outside. For no reason.
1:01:33 - Jesus! Surfer Dude gets a lawn dart through his back. Now, the design of a lawn dart, for those who don't really know, is a reasonably short metal point, and a large plastic or rubber back, usually a bright colour. This back looks like the back of a dart, the flite bit (there's that word again that I don't know), only made about 1500% larger. Thus, it is impossible for such an item to fully enter someone's back to the degree that the small metal point sticks out of their chest. Such an irregularity happens with Surfer Dude.
1:02:00 - Now, as if this isn't ridiculous enough, we see Surfer Dude walking about in pain for 27 seconds (and let's face it, if a lawn dart's been stuck through your back so hard that it's coming out of your chest, your spine's been broken).
1:02:01 - Now, as if THAT wasn't ridiculous enough, we then see Surfer Dude from behind. now, let's assume for a split second that it IS possible for a lawn dart to go right through your chest. If you were to look at the guy's back, you'd therefore see a hole with the dart inside, or maybe even the back of the dart sticking out. Not so. In fact, when we see Surfer Dude's back, we can see ANOTHER point, as if one had been stuck through his stomach simultaneously. Again, we really should be able to see THIS dart from the front, but all we see here is two points: one sticking out of his chest, and the other sticking out of his back. Ridiculous.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 9 - Impossible physics. Nevertheless, it's...
DEATH NUMBER 5 - Surfer Dude (tragically) dies due to lawn dart wizardry.

1:02:13 - We cut to a shot of Julie's knee, with what has to be the fakest-looking cut I've ever seen. That world-famous neon red blood comes into play again.
1:02:14 - It turns out that Drew is trying to fix Julie's knee by dabbing cotton wool on it. Let's get scripting...

JULIE: Ouch!
DREW: I'm sorry, is it any better?
JULIE: Yeah, a little.
DREW: Oh I almost forgot! (seedily) I have something for you...
(Drew gives Julie a filthy piece of brown paper. We can't fully see what's on it, but we can guess that it's ridiculously gay)
DREW: It's just a little something to commemorate our summer together.
JULIE: It's beautiful. Thanks. Drew I wanna tell you, I feel really lucky to have been partnered with you. I don't know what I would have done these past couple of days without you.
DREW: Well I'm lucky too. Here we are five days into the summer, and I already have a new best friend (oh Jesus Christ. These people are 18 or 19 for fuck's sake). Here.

1:02:50 - Drew takes the... the thing, and puts it on the noticeboard. It's a hideous monstrosity, with photos cut out of magazines and shit. It resembles a 2nd grade activity. One that got an F.
1:02:51 - more interesting is a poster on the messageboard. It's a sheet of yellow paper and (now I have to admit I'm being very sad here, using the zoom function on my DVD player) this is what it says:

----------------------------------------------------------------
LEARN TO CLIMB
at
MANHATTAN BEACH

MON. & THUR. EVENINGS
6:30 - 8:30 PM.
RFI members $25.00
nonmembers $30.00

The class covers: equipment
safety precautions
figure & knot tying
belaying (whatever the hell that means)
climbing communications

For more information or reservations call:
the L.A. Rock Gym at 310 973-3388
----------------------------------------------------------------

So, Camp Placid Pines is near LA. I think. It's near either LA or New York. Incidentally, I'd be interested to know if either Manhattan Beach or the LA Rock Gym exist, and if that phone number's genuine.

1:02:56 - Ah, the final picnic-table chat with our little group. But, to quote the geeky little crippled wizard shit from A Nightmare On Elm Street 3, "there soon won't be enough of us left to call it a group", because all that remains is Julie, Drew, Toby and Blonde Chick With No Name. Here's the final group script:

BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: So, what do you guys think they're gonna do with Jason? (I'm assuming it's Blonde Chick With No Name that says this. It sounds like her voice but nobody's lips are moving. We'll credit her with the line because she needs all the lines she can get.)
TOBY: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 23) Well if memory serves me correctly, they'll probably have to incinerate him and then bury him in an ancient Indian burial ground to destroy him. (Is he suggesting that this happened to Jason of Friday the 13th fame? Cause it certainly didn't, at least not in the 9 movies I saw.)
JULIE: Sheriff Wilson said they're gonna hold him for a while, until Whitney and Brad show up.
TOBY: Yeah, well, I like my version a lot better. (Yeah, well, contrary to the Michael Jackson song, you ARE alone.)
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Do you think he did anything to them?
JULIE: I dunno. At first I wouldn't have thought so but noo (Canadian-style) I'm not so sure. (Someone must have said "come oooonnnnn" to her.)
TOBY: Have you guys seen Doug today? (Who? Oh aye, Surfer Dude.)
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Yeah I saw him aboot (Canadian-style) an hour ago, he was looking for a pair of shoes he lost up here the first day. Any of you guys seen him?
DREW: Not my style. (WHAT THE HOLY FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?)
TOBY: Haven't seen him. (Obviously, otherwise you wouldn't have asked where he was.)
(Everyone looks at Julie because she's taking three years to answer and she's now been controlled to the point that she has to wait until everyone's looking at her and giving her permission to talk)
JULIE: Oh, me neither.

1:03:41 - Cut to Julie and Drew walkng down steps. Toby runs over to them from behind. A little mini-script here.

TOBY: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 24) Hey, I'm gonna go load the paintball guns, anyone care to join me in a test dooooool? (Meant to be "duel".)
DREW: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 25) Huh, PASS!!!!!!!!!! (Drew then pisses herself laughing as if she'd just said the funniest thing since "Yeah I want Cheesy Poofs".)
JULIE: No thanks.
TOBY: Chicks.

1:03:52 - Oh dear. We see a white truck approaching the Camp. Who the hell could it be?
1:03:57 - Drew asks Julie how her knee is. Julie tells her it's much better, then they look up and see the truck. AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT'SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...... ..........
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The end of Chapter 15. Sorry.

Who could be in the car? Will it be Trevor Moorhouse? Or maybe a new character altogether?
And, more (or less) importantly, who's the killer? Unfortunately, the list of possible suspects has narrowed it down to one man, meaning it's either... him (I won't remind you, I'll let you work it out for yourself so I'm not entirely spoiling it), or it just might be Trevor Moorhouse himself. Or maybe it's someone completely different, it may be the person in the car!
There are still a couple of possibilities left as Act 2 comes to a close. Coming very very soon is Act 3, where the true identity of the killer is revealed.....

Just a few messages to people that have posted since my last post:

chinton/Jason Voorhees/slasherfan/Zing!/JasonSlasher - Thanks for worrying, it's good to know that my analysis is so important. I had the feeling that it was getting a bit boring, but you've encouraged me to keep it going until it's finished. Oh, and slasherfan: don't diss Moorhouse! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

cereal killer/Miss Belladonna/bowieee - Thanks for your kind words. You've also helped me keep this going.

Spikey - It's good to see that someone else is taking on movie analyses, but I'm warning you, it takes a lot longer than you'd think. Think how long it must have taken to type what I've already done, and that's without thinking. Now imagine me watching the film at least 50-60 times to find every last detail. See? http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif it's a bitch. But thanks for your post, though I'm hardly a mastermind!

countchocula - Thanks for reassuring everyone that the analysis WOULD be updated. I know some people were getting a bit worried that it wouldn't be finished, but thanks for reassuring them.

someguy - I realise how frustrating it is to be let down, so I apologise for not updating when I promised I would. However, please don't make that a reason for not coming back to this topic. As you can see, it was due to circumstances beyond my control. I was honoured, however, that you posted in the topic again, three days after you said you wouldn't. http://www.joblo.com/ubb/wink.gif

Again, thanks to everyone, and if I missed your name out then I'll get it in the next update (which won't take half as long as this one did).

Thanks again,

Scully1888
Scully1888@hotmail.com

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 03-01-2002).]

[Jewbo]

great to see u back.

[Zing!]

BRAVO! Well done, Scully! Those were the funniest chapters yet, and definitely worth wait! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[SeperateSelf]

Thanks so much Scully!!! Seein this here really brightened my day. Love the poem too.

I'm also really sorry to hear about your grandad. My condolences to you and your family.

[robk]

Great to hear from you again, Scully.
First, my condolences on your loss.
Second, thanks for another installment of one of the most so-boring-its-funny films ever made.

[JasonSlasher]

SCULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY yo dude! glad to have you back, srry about ur granddad. Glad to see you back!

[chinton]

Hey Scully once again another great post. On a personal note Im sorry about your death in the family and Im also glad youre okay. I was worried about you.

[countchocula]

I would tell you all whether or not I enjoyed Chapters 13-15, but it's "not my style." LOL

[TooL]

Welcome Back!!!

[someguy]

Well,after I said that,I didn't care. I just lost my patience.

[Scully1888]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by someguy:
Well,after I said that,I didn't care. I just lost my patience.</font>

Like I said, dude, it's understandable.

[malaria]

Sorry 'bout your Grandad & Great to have you back Scully. I was reading bits of this to my brother yesterday and his was pissing himself laughing.
Love that bit about "Not my style: WTF is this supposed to mean".
And as Act 2 draws to its close and we head into the rollercoaster ride of the 3rd Act **snigger** I find myself wandering can things get any worse.....?

[Larie]

Great to have you back Scully! I think we were all starting to get a little worried. Sorry to hear about your grandfather. Keep up the great work!

[Mojo67821]

I actually offered Scully his own section on my website to post his movie "reviews". I emailed him two days ago with the offer, but I haven't heard back from him yet. I figured I could start by posting this one and then add future bad films that he chooses to lampoon. I just thought it would make an interesting addition to my site, that already has fellow Schmoe Feyd Rautha reviewing for it. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait for his reply...

[Jason Voorhees]

Great to see you back, Scully. That's terrible about your grandpa, dude. :(...

[someguy]

Sorry and I hope you'll update soon.

[Jo-Jo]

And what if he doesn't update soon, what are you going to do? PUNCH HIM IN THE STOMACH??

[someguy]

Excuse me Jo-Jo?

[ParileseMonster]

Are You Bondo321 ???

[Scully1888]

Update coming soon guys.

It's getting slightly harder to add new jokes when you've already used so many. Trust me though, there are plenty of hilarious scenes coming up, including...

- accidental farting!
- rubber legs!
- accidental boners!
- the identity of the killer!

[Jo-Jo]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by someguy:
Excuse me Jo-Jo?</font>

Have you been reading the posts? There was the phantom punch in the stomach that is refered to in the movie twice for no reason. It was supposed to be a joke.

[Jason Voorhees]

Accidental Boners? I've seen the flick twice and don't remember that!

Then again, maybe it was another case of that "selective amnesia" thing I occasionally suffer from. :)

[Jewbo]

ok i just got this movie on dvd and was wondering what people think. should i read this first of watch the film first?

what way would i get the most out of the jokes?

[Scully1888]

I would watch it and see what mistakes you can spot. You may even hate the movie because you think it's a normal bad movie.

THEN read my analysis, and try to remember as much about it as possible.

THEN watch the movie again, and you'll see lots of new stuff that makes it the greatest movie of all time.

[Mojo67821]

I take it that since Scully did not respond to my email that he's not interested in having his own section on my site.

However I would like to extend the offer to him again. So Scully if you at least want some space on a web page to display these works of genius once they're buried in the boards somewhere, the offers still open. I'll do all the work, all I need is the go ahead.

[Jason Voorhees]

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, dude...

[cereal killer]

Well keep them updates coming dude.

[James_Sully_Sullivan]

OH MY GOD!!!
I hated this movie but...you make it look important, as someone said before, you have an incredibly analitic viewing eye, congrats, & keep up the good work!!

[Scully1888]

Mojo, I can't get into my e-mail account and I missed your first post about the site.

I have to admit, this sounds quite good. What's the link to your site?

[Mojo67821]

Hey man whatsup. The link to my site is http://bghorror.topcities.com Basically in the email I was offering you your own section on my site. I hadn't thought of a name but I envisioned posting your movie analysis' like the Bloody Murder one, and perhaps doing something like adding pictures to spruce it up.

I also figured after that one was up you could do other movies as well. I was just impressed by how every body responded to your post, which I myself found pretty amusing even though I refuse to watch the movie (you actually made me think about it). So I figured it would be good for my site and give you a permanent place to have these things posted.

My email's in my profile if you ever get back into your email. I'm in the process of doing some major redesigning on my site right now so I can't get started on it right away. But, within a week or so I could just lift the text from the message boards and convert it into HTML. So basically I wouldn't need anything from you other than writing it (which I realize is a pain in itself).

Okay, I'll stop babbling. So check out the site and let me know if you're interested.

[Scully1888]

Yeah, that sounds pretty good. I only have a couple of requests though...

Is it okay if you don't use my Bloody Murder analysis until it's fully complete?

And if I make any other analyses, which I probably will, is it okay if I post them at JoBlo first again, so the horror schmoes can get access to it first?

As for pictures, I just got some DVD capturing software, so I could get you some shots from the movie itself, hopefully showing you some of the visual gags (like Trevor Moorhouse's accidentally brown ass).

(Incidentally, do any schmoes know where I can post these pictures on the web, so I can add some to this analysis? I know Kodak lets you post one piture at a time, but that's not good enough for me.)

[Mojo67821]

Ya all that's fine with me. So I'll post this one when it's done, and wait until after you post upcoming ones here on the boards.

If you need a place to post the captures you can do that on my site if you want. I'll just set up the section and say that the pictures are for an upcoming special feature that's not quite complete yet. So that way they're up for the Schmoes to look at. It's up to you, let me know

Also, I'm not sure what to call the section. I haven't been able to come up with a witty name yet so maybe you'll have better luck.

Anyways...it sounds like it will be fun... and I can't wait for the next chapter

[Jason Voorhees]

It's been three days, so I'm bringing it back...

[someguy]

Scully's going places!!!!!

[SeperateSelf]

Um Mojo... I clicked the link to your site and some insurance page came up. Is this a mistake? I assumed your webpage would be horror, or at least movie related. Just thought I'd let you know so you could post the correct link.

[Mojo67821]

Lol...ya I'm working on this project for my dad's insurance agency and that was a major F up on my part. It's all fixed now though.

All the reviews on the site have been redesigned and they're gonna be posted thursday night.

As for now I'm waiting for Scully to respond to my last post and of course for the next chapter in the exciting saga that is "Bloody Murder!"

[Mojo67821]

still waiting for Scully's reply, and the next chapter. I just don't want this one to sink back into the depths of the board. Where you at Scully!

[Scully1888]

Sorry guys, I've been under a lot of stress lately.

The analysis WILL be finally fnished by the end of the week. That's finished as in over. By Friday, Bloody Murder will be complete.

[Scully1888]

Actually, I have just found a huge scoop. Here are new pictures, on-set, of "Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp".

http://www.globaloptima.co.uk/projects/proj_epsilon/images/movies/bm2/ek_4_9b.jpg

(The chick on the left looks suspiciously like Blonde Chick With No Name)

http://www.globaloptima.co.uk/projects/proj_epsilon/images/movies/bm2/ek_2_5a.jpg

(If the chick on the right here is the sams as the one in the previous picture, then it's not Blonde Chick With No Name. However, she looks much more attractive)

http://www.globaloptima.co.uk/projects/proj_epsilon/images/movies/bm2/ek_4_9a.jpg

(This could be interesting...)

And, as a JoBlo exclusive, a Bloody Murder 2 death has been revealed...

http://www.globaloptima.co.uk/projects/proj_epsilon/images/movies/bm2/ek_5_8b.jpg

Yes, a throat-slitting! I pray to God that it looks as fake as Dean's death was.

[Mojo67821]

those chicks are pretty hot, maybe one of them will wise up and take her shirt off to save the flick.

[Jason Voorhees]

Second that, Mojo. And thanks for the tantalizing BM2 pics, Scully.

[Scully1888]

Just a small update for now, one chapter.
The rest will be finished tomorrow morning, and that's a guarantee.


CHAPTER 16 - "It Was *******!" (Chapter name edited as it's a spoiler... sort of.)

1:04:00 - The car pulls up and stops.
1:04:02 - Julie shouts "Dad?" and starts running towards the car. So it's her dad.
1:04:06 - Julie's dad gets out of the car faster than I've ever seen anyone do such a thing. He looks like a fat Larry Bird.
1:04:10 - Julie comes round the corner to greet her dad. Uh, wait. Round the corner? If she had to run round the corner, then how the fuck did she see the car? Clearly the cabin would have been in the way. Hmmm, I think this calls for an announcement. Yes that's right folks, its:
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 10 - Julie seemingly has x-ray vision, even though it's obvious that scientific technology has not yet progressed to the stage that we can make human embryos that have such capabilities.
1:04:12 - As she runs to him, she holds out her arms like a 1-year-old boy that's only just learned to walk. Well, I suppose she HAS only just learned to walk. Uh, let me fix that.
1:04:12 - As she runs to him, she holds out her arms like a 1-year-old boy.
1:04:13 - That's better.
1:04:14 - There's a script coming, I can just smell it...

JULIE: Hey!
(Fat Larry Bird hugs Julie. He grips her pert young body with his strong masterful hands or something.)
FAT LARRY BIRD: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy. (Like the Fonz)
JULIE: What are you doing here? (As she is asking this, Drew is sprinting up behind her like a grinning demon)
FAT LARRY BIRD: I got your messages last night, when I didn't hear from you, wel-
DREW: HI!!!!!!!!!!! (This bitch is desperate to steal the limelight. However, as the saying goes, what goes around comes around. You want to know what she suffers for this interruption? Temporary blindness. You think I'm kidding - watch her eyes for the rest of this scene. They're not just closed, they're clamped shut. It's looks like every sentence she says is a secret grimace of pain.) You must be Julie's dad (Drew must have cleverly figured this out when Julie said "Dad?" way back at 1:04:02 - a whole 19 seconds ago. Even a goldfish could remember that one). I've heard a lot about you.
JULIE: Dad, this is Drew Zemky. Drew's my partner for the summer. (Wahey)
FAT LARRY BIRD: Well hi Drew, it's a pleasure to meet you.
DREW: (Totally blind) Nice to meet you. So, Julie tells me you used to be a counsellor up here.
FAT LARRY BIRD: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 26) Uh, about a hundred years ago.
DREW: Well it couldn't have been that long ago (Once again, Drew shows us that her "Miss Obvious Logic 1999" award was no fluke).
JULIE: (Spotting Patrick) Oh, Patrick!
(Patrick saunters over. For a split second he has a face of confusion, and if you look carefully you can see the slightest side-to-side movement of his head as if he's hunting something.)
JULIE: Come meet my dad.
PATRICK: Hi, I'm Patrick.
FAT LARRY BIRD: I'm Tom (don't lie, Larry).
PATRICK: Nice to meet you.
FAT LARRY BIRD: Nice to meet you. (It's a bit like the start of "The Terminator" when Schwarzenegger says "NICE NIGHT FO' WALK" After the guy says "Hey nice night for a walk, eh buddy?")
PATRICK: Um, Julie, have you seen my camper's list? I've, I've looked everywhere.
JULIE: Well I have a copy in my cabin. Let me get it for you.
PATRICK: Great, thanks. (To Fat Larry Bird) Take care.
FAT LARRY BIRD: Nah tomee toomoo (I think this is meant to be "nice talking to you")
JULIE: Duty calls! (She hugs her dad and starts to go away to get the list. What a bitch! Her dad's just travelled for miles to meet her and she's about to just go and fuck off, leaving her dad at the front entrance of Camp Placid Pines without a damn clue what to do.)(She hugs her dad again and kisses him on the cheek. Damn I wish I was her dad. Not just because she kissed me on the cheek, but because I would have played for the Boston Celtics and made a shit-load of money.)
DREW: Julie, do you want me to get it for you?
JULIE: I'd better go, it's under a bunch of things (What, and black people can't lift things? Is that it?). Hey, why don't you show my dad around? (While saying this she does the most pathetic flight attendant direction with her hand) I'll meet you guys at the lake in 20? (What - years? Considering her walk, it wouldn't be surprising.)
DREW: Are you sure?
JULIE: Yeah, go ahead.
(Julie goes one way and Drew & Fat Larry Bird go the other way. At this point it is clear that Drew does indeed have "the fat ass, son").

1:05:18 - Julie gets the list from her bag (it wasn't under a bunch of things! It was in her bag that was lying next to her bed! I suppose she WAS telling the truth when you consider that it was under the roof, the sky and - depending on the Earth's position at the time - a number of planets. However, the bitch can hardly walk, never mid come up with such Freudian logic. Or something).
1:05:22 - Suddenly she stops and looks at the noticeboard, as if she's just thought of something. She goes over to it, moves the piece of shit photo montage thing Drew made (you can actually see the whole thing at this point, and it ain't pretty), and takes the photo of the camp counsellors from some random year.
1:06:00 - After 38 seconds of watching Julie (struggle to) walk all the way over to the office, she takes another 23 seconds...
1:06:23 - ...to sit down at a desk with the photo.
1:06:30 - She starts looking at the application forms or something, and the photo, and this is what she says:

"Kevin Thompson... Whitney Chambers... Becky Chambers... Drew Zemky... mother, Patricia Zemky... father, Bill Anderson?"

She looks at the photo. We can make out the names of the people in it, but only if we're sad people and use the freeze-frame button on our DVD. So, to save you the embarrassment, I present to you:

TOM MCCONNELL - Julie's Dad. Looks like Kevin Spacey wearing a hat, and nothing like Fat Larry Bird.
NELSON HAMMOND - Is actually a girl. Seriously. They obviously didn't think anyone would look as hard as I did, but the person that has Nelson Hammond's name in the photo is a girl.
BECKY SHAEFFUR - Another woman... looks like Bob Marley without any facial hair.
HONEY - A man standing at the back with a hat and sunglasses. What kind of guy is called "Honey"?
ROGER SLABAUGH - Yes, that's his name. Seems a bit ridiculous to me. Looks like Jerry Springer.
KEVIN THOMPSON - Another man in the shadows, wearing a cowboy hat.
BO MICHAELSON - I don't know if this is Bo or Bob, but it's a bit blurred.

1:06:51 - There now follows a shit-load of flashbacks. This is where the real fun begins, as Julie seems to have figured out that the killer is... well, believe it or not, she thinks it's... DREW. Yes, Drew. Not a white male as it so obviously was doing the killings, but Drew Zemky, a black female. As we see these flashbacks, we hear Drew's voice from Chapter 9: "Sometimes I get angry. I seek out other people to blame for my father's death. My therapist calls it transference." Here are the shots/flashbacks, in order, starting from the photo of the counsellors.

- A photo of camp counsellors, including Julie's dad, Drew's dad, and Nelson Hammond (man-girl).
- Julie's face in shock.
- A random e-mail from Julie's father.
- Julie using her laptop.
- Cigarette smoke coming from outside a window. What the hell do these flashbacks have to do with anything?
- A Guam cigarette lying on a rock.
- Drew telling Julie the "transference" story.
- Julie's face shocked again.
- Whitney's death is revisited. It's like the flashback when Toby theorized that it was Dean, only this time when the mask comes off, it's Drew's face, with her long hair. Instantly one should assume that there's an error here.
- Yet again, Julie in shock.
- Drew at a laptop typing an e-mail to Julie, pretending to be her dad. This is wrong on so many levels. Obviously the scriptwriter knows nothing about e-mail. Drew couldn't just send Julie an e-mail and make the sender's name the same as Julie's dad's. Come on, the e-mail addresses would be different.
- Drew taking an arrow and using it with a bow to shoot Brad in the back at the archery range.
- Julie in, you guessed it, shock.
- The arrow hitting Brad.
- Julie in a state of calmness, actually. Nah, only kidding, she's in shock. Finally she speaks. "No". Hmmmm. That's a mouthful.
- Drew cutting the phone line. We have another mistake here. This would be a plausible flashback if only it worked. However, it fails to. On numerous levels. Now, the phone lines got cut off at 0:52:28, so if Drew really DID cut the phone line, then Julie wouldn't have been able to receive any further e-mails. However, she gets one at 0:57:13, meaning that the phone lines must have just been down, and not actually cut. Sorry, Pordildo.
- The now-legendary Surfer Dude with that physics-defying death featuring the amazing double-dart trick. Only this time, we see Drew standing at the door, taking her gloves off.
- Julie finally confirms what were dreading all along:
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 11 - "It was Drew!" No, it simply couldn't have been.

1:07:32 - Julie runs over to the window and looks out of it for some reason. As she does so, the door next to her swings open and there before Julie is the mighty Surfer Dude, unfortunately dead, pinned to the door by those magical lawn darts.
1:07:34 - She screams, and runs out of the office.
1:07:52 - As she runs through the woods, she comes across Toby, who has some orange paint shit on him.
1:07:53 - She screams again, as if it were blood. It's obviously not.
1:07:54 - Toby, in clearly understandable shock, says "What? Oh, vicious paintball gun loading accident". He says it like a Native American Indian thing, not in normal English such as "What? Oh, I was loading the paintball gun and I had a bit of an accident".
1:07:59 - Julie is a bit loud here, as she says "Toby, get to the phone and call the police. It wasn't Jason! It was Drew! It was Drew all along!" Toby asks her "what was Drew all along, what are you talking about?"
1:08:04 - Julie answers him, "Drew murdered them! Nelson Hammond killed her father and now she's seeking revenge. I don't have time to explain (even though she just did, in great detail), have you seen my dad?" Toby tells her that he and Drew were headed to the lake. As Julie runs away, Toby is as confused as we are. "Who's Nelson Hammond?"

As we ponder this, Chapter 16 comes to a close. Sit tight, it gets bumpier.

[SeperateSelf]

Simply awesome Sculley!!! I can't wait 'til tomorrow morning!

[Mojo67821]

http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif That's great man, so can I post this on my site when it's done? I never really got an official reply...

[Jason Voorhees]

I think the best thing is, that this next part of the film is quite hilarious by it's lonesome. So Scully's commentary should be even more exceptional for the finale...

[Suckit Jones]

Me and my friend Joe Pie collect bad horror movies. It all started with THE BOOGENS. Anyway, many years after we encounted the boogens we came across the classic that is bloody murder in a video store, and joe pie bought it, and oh god did it not dissapoint, we watched that scene in the beginning where the hapless gas can man says, in a somewhat confused but knowing voice, "Trevor Moorehouse..." then trips over NOTHING. We rewound that over and over again, laughing hystericaly, then, a few months later, this post appears. Good job man, way to expose the pure bad brilliance that is Bloody Murder. Of course, it's no Boogens, or Dead Meat, or Crazy Fat Ethel 2, but it's still a classic.

[gorysnoopy]

scully i am hooked!!!!
this is fantastic!it is tooo funny.i haven't seen this shite yet but now i think i'll check it out.
i can't wait to find out who moorhouse is!!!!
you have done a great job and public service.i can't wait for you to skewer more films!!!!
thanks for the entertainment!!! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif

[Scully1888]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Mojo67821:
http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif That's great man, so can I post this on my site when it's done? I never really got an official reply...</font>

Sure dude, as long as you include my e-mail address. Scully1888@hotmail.com

[Scully1888]

CHAPTER 17 - "Turn Around, Julie!"

1:08:21 - The majority of this chapter is talking, so I'll be providing a lot of scripts. Just so it doesn't get repetitive, I'm just going to go straight into the scripts without warning. Catch you unawares, as it were. Anyway, as we go into Chapter 17, Drew and Julie's father, Fat Larry Bird, are walking through the woods.

DREW: Walking around these woods must bring back a lot of memories for you.
FAT LARRY BIRD: Yeah, some.
DREW: My dad was a counsellor at the same time you were up here.
FAT LARRY BIRD: Really?
DREW: Uh-huh.
FAT LARRY BIRD: What's your father's name?
DREW: Bill Anderson. (At this point, both of them stop walking for no apparent reason.)
FAT LARRY BIRD: Bill Anderson? (Drew nods like holy hell.) Wow, that's a name I haven't heard in ages. How's he doin'? (Nooo....)
DREW: Uh he died. Before I was born.

1:08:46 - Julie runs up a hill
1:08:51 - Julie runs through some grass.
1:08:54 - Julie stops and looks.
1:08:56 - Julie runs through grass again.
1:08:57 - Julie won't be in Bloody Murder 2.
1:08:58 - Julie fired her agent.
1:08:59 - We see police cars coming into the camp (well, the sheriff's jeep and a crappy white car from the 80's with a small siren on it). Toby runs down to them.
1:09:09 - The sheriff and Jason come out of the jeep. The sheriff runs like hell over to Toby.

SHERIFF: Any sign of 'em?
TOBY: No sir. Uh, Drew said they were heading down to the lake and when I told Julie that she went after them.
(Some hideously-haired youth, about 20 years old, runs over to them. I'd assume he is a police officer. What are the odds of him having a ridiculously generic name?)
SHERIFF: Alright. Billy (told you), I want you to go around the east side of the lake, I'll take the west. Toby, I want you and Jason to gather everybody else in the camp. As of this moment, this camp is officially closed for summer (not like it would make a difference, the damn kids aren't there). Let's go.

NOTE: The sheriff's last line there was said with extremely quick parts and extremely slow parts, so it actually sounded like this:

"Aight, Billy, I want you to go arounaeast sidathalake I'll take, tha, wehst. Toby, I want you and Jason to gather everybody else in the camp. As of this moment this camp is officially closed for summerLETS GO."
1:09:25 - The sheriff and "Billy" run away, leaving Toby to look about in shock as if to say "what the fuck did he just say to me? I couldn't understand a fucking word and I still don't know who the hell Nelson Hammond is".
1:09:27 - At this point we get a nice view of the lake. However, somewhat more disturbing is the red thing on the island behind the lake. Upon zooming in to 4X on my DVD player, it looks suspiciously like a statue of Jesus wearing a red cloak.
1:09:29 - We hear voices of Fat Larry Bird and Drew. You have to turn up the volume to max to even slightly hear this first line, it's so quiet.

FAT LARRY BIRD: That lake hasn't changed one bit.
DREW: I love it here.
FAT LARRY BIRD: Is this where we're supposed to meet Julie?
DREW: Yeah. She should be down here any minute. The girls are really gonna love her. She's just that type to have the magic touch (I'll bet she is, ho ho ho).
FAT LARRY BIRD: Yeah. Eh, I guess she got that from her mother (holy shit, the old dog!).
DREW: Well from what Julie tells me, she sounded like an amazing woman.
FAT LARRY BIRD: (Walking away from her) Yeah... well... (he looks ready to cry!)
DREW: You really should check out the view from the end of the dock. It's extraordinary. (What the fuck?! There's so much wrong with that line, I don't even know where to begin! Number one, she changed the subject from Julie's mom's death terribly. Number two, nobody uses the word "extraordinary" in casual speech. She's not discussing a museum exhibit. Number three, walking an extra 10 feet to the end of the dock isn't going to make much difference, especially seeing as the majority of the dock goes horizontally, meaning he isn't going any further out onto the lake. Number four, and most importantly of all, the guy KNOWS what the fucking lake looks like, even from the end of the dock! Remember? He said it hadn't changed one bit? Jesus...)
(Despite all this, Fat Larry Bird then proceeds to go onto the dock, but not before offering Drew to go first.)
DREW: Oh, after you.

1:10:05 - Now this is ridiculously pointless. As they walk past a canoe, Fat Larry Bird picks an oar up from it. That's pointless enough, but then Drew takes it off him! What the fuck?
1:10:13 - Drew holds the oar like a sword, and for almost a whole second, she closes her eyes again!
1:10:15 - We see Julie running through some more grass. Who gives a fuck anymore, except for the "Save Our Grass Society" (SOGS), who have every reason to protest that the grass in this movie is in danger of being run upon to the point of mutilation.
1:10:20 - We see Fat Larry Bird from behind, as he looks at the lake with his hands on his hips.
1:10:22 - HOLY SHIT! An oar comes out of nowhere and hits him on the back of the neck! He falls forward, but - and this is the funny part - he refuses to change his stance, meaning he falls with his hands on his hips for the duration of the fall. That is, until...
1:10:24 - A clever change of camera angle reveals a small continuation error, in which his hands are actually now spread out in front of him. Doesn't really count as a big mistake, though, because this kind of thing happens in all films. However, when it happens in other films, it doesn't waste a potentially hilarious way of falling, so I present to you...
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 12 - Continuation error wasting an unintentional joke.
1:10:29 - If you were depressed at that unintentional comedy being wasted, and the possibility of Unintentional Comedy Number 3 going down the drain, then fret not, because as Fat Larry Bird's body floats to the surface, watch his ass and you will see...
UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY NUMBER 3 - Fart bubbles coming out of the water where Fat Larry Bird's ass is, as if he is trying to breathe out his ass.
1:10:32 - Julie runs a bit more.
1:10:35 - She stops. Could it be that she doesn't want to act in this damn film any more?
1:10:36 - No, after a second of consideration, she starts running again.
1:10:45 - As she half-walks and half-runs down the path, arms going all over the place, Drew steps out in front of her.

DREW: (Said like a killer) You lookin' for somebody? (No shit.)
JULIE: Oh, hi, I didn't see you. Where's my dad?
DREW: (Said like a killer) He's waiting for us down by the docks.
(Drew then beckons Julie to follow her. Like a killer.)

1:11:00 - They walk over to the docks. He isn't to be found, obviously.

DREW: That's strange. He was here when I left.
(Drew starts to half-run over to the dock. Like that'll do any good.)
JULIE: Drew! What did you do with my father?
DREW: Nothing! He was standing right here when I left.
JULIE: Drew! (fuck's sake, what is it with this bitch and single-sentence names?) I know.
DREW: You know what?
JULIE: I know your father was Bill Anderson.
DREW: So?
JULIE: So? I know what you're doing! I know how you killed them... and were probably going to kill me.
DREW: What are you talking about?
JULIE: Your father was murdered by Nelson Hammond. You seek out others to blame for his death? Transference! I know!
DREW: Julie, turn around.
(Behind Julie is the real killer, only he looks blatantly anorexic, and his overalls have faded even more than the sheriff's jeans did in previous scenes.)
JULIE: Where's my dad?
DREW: Turn. Around.
JULIE: I'm not turning around until you tell me where my father is!
(Drew picks up that ridiculous metal thing Whitney was using to give herself a suntan with.)
DREW: Look!
(Julie looks at it, and she can see the reflection of the killer in it behind her. He looks as if he's right behind her.)
(He isn't. He's at least 5 feet away.)
JULIE: HAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! (That's a scream, by the way.)

1:12:02 - Julie runs down the dock, and for some strange reason the killer dives at her. He ends up on the ground, swinging at her foot with a big sickle thing, like the thing on the Russian flag. Needless to say, he misses, and Julie jumps into the water.
1:12:05 - Julie screams to Drew, "get away from him!", but Drew doesn't, because she's learned the mystical art of wind power. As the killer runs for Drew, she jumps out of the way and swings the oar at him, clearly missing by a good four hundred miles. However, the sheer force of the swing creates a sonic boom (making a sound as if she actually HAS hit him with the oar), which knocks him to the ground. Either that, or it was a hit that looked really fake.
1:12:11 - Drew then sticks the oar into the killer's gut, creating exactly the same sound effect. Interesting.
1:12:20 - Drew and the killer both grab the oar and struggle with it for a while, then Drew runs away and again the killer ends up on his arse, this time swinging the oar at Drew as she runs away, and missing yet again, this time breaking the oar on a small pole thing on the dock.
1:12:26 - As Julie swims to safety, Drew runs up the dock with killer picking up speed outstandingly. In fact, here he runs so much like the T-1000 from the Terminator series that nearly everyone I've watched this movie with has said "what's with the T-1000 rip-off?" before I've even said it.
1:12:29 - FALL NUMBER 6 - Drew's foot clips off a piece of wood on the ground and she falls absolutely pathetically. Much like Fall Number 4, way back at 0:14:44, where I described Whitney's fall as "the most pathetic fall I've ever seen in my life. It's not as if she falls down slowly, more like she lies down quickly. She kind of falls into a push-up position, then lowers herself down onto the ground".
1:12:37 - This is the second time in the film that someone does the "sliding away with your hands and heels when you're on your ass, instead of getting up and running" thing from Terminator 2.
1:12:42 - The killer goes to stick the broken oar into Drew's stomach, but Drew rolls out of the way.
1:12:44 - The killer then gets on top of Drew and delivers what I have to admit is an excellent punch right to her face, knocking her out. It's just a pity that it makes exactly the same sound effect as the wind power oar hit and the gut-sticking of the oar.
1:12:47 - The killer runs away, and Chapter 17 ends with a bit more drama than usual. Who da funk is that killer?

CHAPTER 18 - "Somebody Believe Me!"

1:12:54 - Julie, somehow bone-dry, runs about a bit more, only this time she stops and shouts on Patrick, who she sees off-camera.

JULIE: Patrick! I'm over here!
(Patrick runs over to her)
JULIE: He's over there by the docks! He's got Drew!
PATRICK: (Slowing things down a bit) Alright, alright, Ju... let's get you safe first.
JULIE: Patrick I'll be fine, we've gotta help Drew!
PATRICK: I'm afraid nothing can help Drew now.
JULIE: What are you talking about?!
PATRICK: I mean she's dead, Julie. There's nothing I or anybody can do.
JULIE: How do you know she's dead?
PATRICK: Because I KILLED HER, JULIE. (Yup, there's your killer. Patrick, the camp owner.) Just like I killed your father. Yeah. Just like I killed your friends. And just like I'm gonna kill you.
JULIE: What? (Here comes the motive... it makes sense at first, but then gets a bit ridiculous.)
PATRICK: Oh, yeah. They treated me awful 20 years ago, and for that they have to pay! I've been waiting a long time for this.
JULIE: Patrick I don't understand.
PATRICK: (Mocking her, quite badly) Patwick I don't undastand! I'm sorry, you have me confused with someone named... Patrick. That wouldn't be... (looks up) THAT Patrick, would it?
(Julie looks up and sees a dead man that looks amazingly like Benicio Del Toro, tied up in a tree.)
PATRICK: Tell me something, Julie... have you ever played... Bloody Murder? (have you ever written an analysis on it? It's a bit harder.)
JULIE: You're Nelson Hammond!
PATRICK: Oh very good. (This is where it gets a bit pointless.) You kids today, you think your computers and your telephones and your e-mail can keep you safe in the woods? Well let this be a lesson to you, Julie. E-mail can be intercepted, and it's not always considered internet-worthy news when they let you out, as it is when they lock you up. (What the fuck?)
(Patrick points a gun at Julie)
PATRICK: Say bye-bye.

1:14:16 - At this point, Julie screams "no" and suddenly Fat Larry Bird comes in to save the day, screaming something that to this day I can't understand. It sounds like "ALEX!!!!" but it can't be.
1:14:17 - Patrick punches Fat Larry Bird, who falls onto a piece of rope, which comes loose releasing a net that contained everyone that was killed. Yes that's right, every one that was killed in the movie got wrapped in a net and placed up a tree, as if nobody would see them. Although when I say "everybody" I mean four absolutely hideous dummies.
BIG MISTAKE NUMBER 13 - Blatantly obvious dummies. Not only is it obvious that they aren't real people, when they land on top of Patrick after falling out the tree, the dummys' legs bend as if they were made of cloth, which they clearly are. It looks blatantly fake.
1:14:25 - We see a close-up of Patrick trying to get up under the dummies, which have now miraculously transformed into Whitney, Dean and Benicio Del Toro.
1:14:29 - Here it is, one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY NUMBER 4 - As Julie runs over to her fallen father to help him, he clearly has an erection. A hard-on. A boner. A stiffie. A charmed snake. A brick-hard Bratwurst.
1:14:46 - Julie runs away, and Patrick runs after her, T-1000 style.
1:14:49 - Julie running.
1:14:51 - Patrick running, T-1000 style.
1:14:53 - Julie running. But wait - what's this?
1:14:54 - FALL NUMBER 7 - At precisely 1:14:54, Jessica Morris (not Julie, because it clearly wasn't scripted) falls, and it looks incredibly painful. Seriously, it has to be seen to be believed. Her left foot gives way, her right foot can't keep up, and her left knee slams into the dirt, throwing her forward and onto the ground. Now, the 6 falls before this looked fake as hell, but this one unintentional fall looks so painful that it more than makes up for them. You HAVE to see this fall.
1:14:57 - Back to Patrick running, T-1000 style.
1:15:59 - Julie running. She comes to a gate. She runs round it.
1:15:03 - Julie running.
1:15:05 - Patrick running, T-1000 style.
1:15:06 - Julie running.
1:15:09 - Patrick running, T-1000 style.
1:15:11 - Julie running. Noticing a trend here?
1:15:12 - Patrick running, T-1000 style. He jumps, as if he's hurdling something. He's hurdling nothing.
1:15:14 - Patrick running, T-1000 style. He comes to the gate. He leaps over it heroically, though he does clip his back foot off it and nearly fall.
1:15:19 - Julie running.
1:15:20 - Patrick running.
1:15:21 - Oh aye, T-1000 style.
1:15:23 - Julie running.
1:15:28 - Patrick running, T-1000 style.
1:15:29 - Julie.
1:15:30 - Patrick.
1:15:31 - Julie.
1:15:32 - Patrick.
1:15:34 - Julie. She runs past a log that has an axe on it. Hmmm, that was clever.
1:15:40 - Meanwhile, Patrick (remember Patrick? Maybe you don't, it's been nearly 8 seconds since we last cut to him) is running, in a style much like that of the T-1000, interestingly.
1:15:42 - Julie running up a hill.
1:15:43 - Patrick runs past the log with the axe, but sort of skids to a stop, like Fred Flintstone. He grabs the axe and starts running again, only this time in the style of the T-1000... with an axe.
1:15:47 - Julie runs up the hill.
1:15:49 - FALL NUMBER 8 - Patrick runs up the hill, but falls on his way up.
1:15:51 - Julie runs past the big rock where she and Drew had many an interesting conversation.
1:15:54 - Patrick follows, except he takes the "over the rocks" approach as opposed to the "around the rocks" one.
1:16:00 - Julie stops for a rest, although she HAS only been running for 1:15.

And with that, unfortunately, I must rest also, as my floppy disk was too full to take any more. I shall be back on (I hate to say it) MONDAY, and I have to admit I'm reasonably pissed off that it's not finished yet, but not half as much as you all probably are.
On the other hand, there are still one or two good moments to come, including a terrible axe-removal action, a stretcher-pulling struggle and a hideously confusing line. Plus THAT twist at the end.
Once again, I can't stress how sorry I am. It seems that every message I post here has some kind of bad news linked to it.
Thanks anyway for your continued support.
And Mojo67821, I go home next week so is it cool if I e-mail you some screenshots I make when I go home? They'll pretty much show all the stupidity of the thing.

[Jason Voorhees]

Julie's dad...LOL! Something else I thought was lame: when the oar hit's Julie's dad, it's obvious it only lightly tapped him, and the footage was sped up to simulate actual impact.

Fucking pathetic. Oh, and the twist sucked terribly.

:).

[Mojo67821]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Scully1888:
Sure dude, as long as you include my e-mail address. Scully1888@hotmail.com</font>

Oh hells ya I will. Infact, I'm redesigning my Crew List to include a new contributor, I'll add you as well. Hopefully I'll work it all out by the end of the weekend.

[Zing!]

Dammit Scully - you saved the best for last! You almost got me in trouble at work because I was laughing so hard! I can't wait to read how this ends (I actually don't know, since I turned the steaming pile of shit off about 3/4 of the way through it). I never thought I'd say this in a million years, but I think I might actually rent this steaming turd again just to watch it with your commentary... AHHHHHhhh the humanity!!!!!!!! http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Mojo67821]

Ya, email me the screen shots whenever, in fact, I just started working on converting all of your posts to HTML, it's not an easy thing, that's alot of text.

when you email me, there's also a few other things I"d like to work out, but I'll just wait

[Jewbo]

hey scully i was just wondering wot films u might do this 2 next. could u please please do troll 2. if u honestly think that bloody murder has the worst acting u have ever seen in a film then its very obvious u aint seen troll 2. great work mate.

[countchocula]

Scully, just out of curiosity, how many times have you watched Bloody Murder?

[Scully1888]

Holy shit, I can't believe this is the 201st post in this thread...

Uh, unfortunately my pathetic little Pentium 133 has decided to finally die and cease to work, meaning the conclusion is once again delayed beyond my control. Not to worry though, as it will only be a minimum delay while I finish writing the thing using the glorious technology that is pen and paper. The problem is that my hand is killing me from all the writing.
However, I promise it'll be worth it.

Couple of replies to people:

Mojo67821 - Yeah, that sounds like some good shit. Sorry this hasn't been finished yet but, like I say, it's beyond my control. http://www.joblo.com/ubb/frown.gif
Jason Voorhees - Hell yes the twist sucks, but if it was clever then it would have wasted the mood of the movie. http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif
Zing! - As always, your comments are much appreciated. And please do rent it, we need Bloody Murder sales to go up.
Jewbo - I'll try and have a look for Troll 2, but I've never seen a copy in Edinburgh. Children Of The Living Dead should be easy enough to find, however, and I've ehard that's a bastard of a movie. I was really tempted to do the first 80 minutes of Sleepaway Camp, but I feel that the ending is too good for it to be deemed bad enough for anaysis-status.
countchocula - Congrats on making the 200th post, dude. I can safely say that I;ve watched Bloody Murder somewhere in the region of 30-40 times.

Update (and conclusion) coming real soon, I promise...

[Jewbo]

i can easily find u a copy of troll 2 and send it to u free of charge if u will do an analasis on it. oh it is on dvd.

[Mojo67821]

Hey man no worries bout the wait, I haven't finished converting everything yet anyways, that's a shit load of text.

As far as Sleepaway Camp, even if you like it (which I don't) there's plenty you can make fun of during the last part...for instance...

****spoilers******

The cop with the mustache that is so fake you can actually see the light glaring off of the plastic

The girl that is dead yet magically standing up in the shower, then manages to fall over on cue as the curtain is opened, come on, that's classic!

And best of all, the final shot. Sure it's disturbing but look a little closer. She's supposed to be like a 10 or 11 year old boy, but somehow she's covered in more hair than a freaking 40 year old! It's extremely unrealistic (at least in my mind).

So even if you like it there's tons to make fun of it about...but that's just me.

[countchocula]

Geesh! You've basically experienced the horror equivalent of excessive bouts with hot, unyielding diarrhea. You've endured the ultimate rite of passage. Sitting through it once was more than enough for me.

If you choose to tackle another in-depth analysis, I have a recommendation for you. Elves. You'd have a field day with this appalling rubbish. Everything about it is laughable-the dialogue, the acting, the "plot," the special effects, everything. It may even rank lower than BM in terms of quality, and that's saying something!

[Rich]

hey i am gald this post is still here!!!..I had issues with my computer and finally have them resolved...anyways i am looking at my copy of Bloody murder and thinking DO I really want to watch this again..i have been putting off for ever and i know I am going to break down and watch it someday soon

Rich

[Jason Voorhees]

Well, ya got me there, Scully :).

The sad thing is - and I say this without ego at all - is that I could've written a better twist for this film...

[bowieee]

Wow this is the longest thread I have ever seen *sniff*......Im getting all sentimental now. I can't even believe they made a troll 2 let alone put it out on dvd.

[Mojo67821]

Scully where you at? I haven't finished that stuff yet but I've been waiting for you to email me and send me over any pics you've got

I really need you to think of a name for the section if you can though. If you go to my site I've already added a profile for you in my "about" section. I just can't think of what to name your section once it's up.

Hey if any of the Schmoes have a good idea let me know...just post it here, it'll keep the topic at the top too.

[Rich]

I just watched Bloody muder again today....I was laughing my head at the begining cause all i kept thinking about was Scully funny anyslsis(sp?) of the movie and the Lame jokes....i fast forwarded through half the movie (had to go work) so I could see the ending...and sadly enough the movie was worse then i remembered it being..lol

Rich

[Scully1888]

Sorry Mojo, but I can't send any pictures until I go home at the weekend, due to my computer's refusal to work.

I promise you'll have them by Saturday afternoon.

As for a name, uh... here's a couple... not sure what you'd think, though.

Made In Guam
Punch In The Stomach (as opposed to Arrow In The Head)

I'll get back to you with more, but I can easily make a logo for the page as well, if you want.

For example, MADE IN GUAM would have the words "MADE IN GUAM" in sort of army-style writing, with a Guam flag as a background.

[Andrew Tom]

Damn! I should've looked at this topic a much sooner(stupid me, for thinking that I have to see the movie first!) This is really "extraordinary" stuff. Keep up the incredible job. This board owes a lot to you, Scully.


EDIT: I just read my post again, and boy do I sound like a kissass...

[This message has been edited by Andrew Tom (edited 03-28-2002).]

[Mojo67821]

Scully: what I meant was a name for the section as a whole. since I assumed you will do this for more than just bloody murder. So it's a whole section that you would contribute to. Then when you go to the section there's just a list of films that you've done this too. So bloody murder would just be a sub-section. See what i mean?

I was thinking 'Scully's..." something or other, I can't think of the end part of it. That's the type of thing I meant

[countchocula]

Just a few suggestions:

Scully's In-Depth Butchery
The Dissection of Bile
Analytical Roasting

[gorysnoopy]

"the waiting is driving me out of my mind"
-menudo(1983)
hows that for horror?!
scully we need you!!!!!!

[Scully1888]

I'm working on it guys, trust me. This is the only chance I've had to get on this damn computer since I came back. See, we just got broadband and my dad's practically hogging the thing. Ah, to be back in Edinburgh... with a working computer, of course.

Should be up soon, although it's looking likely that Mojo's pictures will be e-mailled to him first, as he's been waiting quite long.

[Scully1888]

Sweet, this is my 600th post...

And Mojo, I think it would be good to call it "Scully1888's Punch In The Stomach". I know it seems related to Bloody Murder, but I am effectively punching the stomach of anyone that had anything to do with these movies I'll be analysing. If you know what I mean. So although it's from Bloody Murder, it relates to all shit movies.

It's also a tribute to Arrow In The Head, the greatest horror thingy on the web.

But, like I say, it's your site so it's your choice.

[Jason Voorhees]

Since we're being analytical, how about this:

"A very forceful and hilarious blow to the solar plexus and or abdominal region"?

lol.

[Jo-Jo]

just bumping this up from page 3!

[chinton]

bumping from page 3

[bowieee]

Bump just so this can gradualy become the longest thread in web history.

[Scully1888]

Okay, it's now 3am and I'm currently in the process of capturing Bloody Murder pictures. bear with me, people...

[Scully1888]

Testing Trevor Moorhouse picture...

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/trevor.gif

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 04-05-2002).]

[Scully1888]

Please can people tell me if this is working?

If so, we're in for a multimedia treat come tomorrow!

[bowieee]

Scully its comin in loud and cheesy....

[Scully1888]

Yesssss...
Starting tomorrow, we'll have as many pictures as you can shake a large stick at!

First of all, the characters wll be introduced...

By the way, Mojo, these files are all extremely small. I've optimised them so that no picture is over 50kb.

[SeperateSelf]

Yep, I can see it too Sculley. Can't wait to see all the losers and read the ending. http://www.joblo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Scully1888]

Thanks guys. Well, it's now 4am so I guess I'd better go to bed.

As a wee bonus, here are the first two characters in this fine movie.

Patricia Zemky, Drew's mother (played by the same person, lol):

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/patricia.gif

...and her husband, the late Bill Anderson (Drew's dead father), doing "the worst acting since Ghostwriter" from way back at 1:20:

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/bill.gif

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 04-05-2002).]

[Mojo67821]

sweet man that's pretty cool. Just let me know where in the review they go cause I've never actually SEEN this flick, although I pretty much have after reading your post.

[chinton]

ya thanks scully. I love the facial reaction on the dad picture. It looks he going to break into Keanu Reeve mode and say WHOA. He looks seriously dazed. Maybe he was toking up before the shot

[Jeepers Creepers]

Hi Ive been looking for info on this film and asking ppl and everyone tells me that this movie is a piece of sh1t!!!!! should i rent this?????

[Scully1888]

Will do Mojo. Not a problem.

Okay everyone, coming in about 20 minutes, THE CHARACTERS OF BLOODY MURDER!

[Scully1888]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Jeepers Creepers:
Hi Ive been looking for info on this film and asking ppl and everyone tells me that this movie is a piece of sh1t!!!!! should i rent this?????</font>

Hell yes it's a piece of shit, but that's the whole fun of it. Read this analysis and hopefully it'll help you enjoy it.

[Scully1888]

THE CHARACTERS OF BLOODY MURDER

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/julie.gif

JULIE - The main character in the movie, apart from Trevor himself.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/drew.gif

DREW - Julie's possible love interest and key suspect at one point.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/patrick.gif

PATRICK - Camp Placid Pines's head guy, and killer... or is he?

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/toby.gif

TOBY - Stereotypically funny and zany teenage boy.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/jason.gif

JASON - Julie's boyfriend at the start of the movie, though this doesn't last.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/brad.gif

BRAD - Jason's arch-rival.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/dean.gif

DEAN - Guy that looks like the WWF's Edge.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/whit.gif

WHITNEY - Dean's ex-girlfriend.

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 04-05-2002).]

[Scully1888]

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/surfer.gif

SURFER DUDE - Human legend.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/blonde.gif

BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME - Cute, but nameless.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/sheriff.gif

SHERIFF - Large man with funny jeans.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/dad.gif

FAT LARRY BIRD - Julie's dad.

http://scully1888.150m.com/characters/billy.gif

BILLY - Minor police officer with over 3 seconds of on-screen time and an even more pathetically unimportant name.

---------------------------------------------

Coming up next... THE FALLS OF BLOODY MURDER... after...

THE FINAL PART OF THE IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS!!! (first things first, after all...)

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 04-05-2002).]

[Scully1888]

Okay, I've finally finished the analysis, but I want to post a couple more things here first of all to get the last part onto another page. It's going to have a few pictures in it, so I want it to load as quickly as possible for you.

[Scully1888]

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their continued support of this thread.

If it wasn't for you all, I would definitely not have kept doing this.

So, in alphabetical order, thanks to:

Andrew Tom
AlienClown
ArmyJacket
Bomont the Destroyer
bowieee
cereal killer
chinton
countchocula
Cyclonus
Dr Martin Luther Loomis
gorysnoopy
Horror whore
James_Sully_Sullivan
JAMIE_LLOYD_02
JasonSlasher
Jason Voorhees
Jeepers Creepers
Jewbo
Jo-Jo
Larie
malaria
Miss Belladonna
Mojo67821
ominous_oat
Parilese Monster
Prairiedogking
Quebec-Joel
Requiem-For-A-Dream
Rich
robk
SeperateSelf
slasherfan
someguy
Spikey
SteveSzyk
Suckit Jones
*sweet psychotic*
The Evil Demonic Zombie
The Rob
thisismyboomstick
TooL
Wolfman
Wwl66
Zing!

That's thanks, even if you didn't like it or were posting unrelated stuff, at least you took the time out to post in my thread. So may thanks again, I can't say this enough.

[Scully1888]

Secondly, Mojo, I'll get in touch with you via e-mail soon about the analysis going on your site. Many thanks to you for wanting something of mines on your site, cause it rocks.

[Scully1888]

Thirdly, This is by no means the end of this thread. I'm going to work my way through the movie again, with pictures of the bits that are so funny they have to be seen to be believed.

So keep checking this thread every now and then, even though the analysis is finished.

[Scully1888]

Uh... fourthly (I think):

I'd like suggestions on what I should do next as an in-depth analysis. I know some of you have already made suggestions, so I'm looking for more of that. whatever seems to have the most interest surrounding it will be what I do.

I'm tempted to do Children Of The Lving Dead, but like I say, I'd like to see your opinions.

[Mojo67821]

Hey man the pleasures all mine. I've just gotta warn you that my courses are getting right to the part where I have a lot of projects due in the next few weeks. So it's gonna be a little hectic for me, but I'm gonna try to get this stuff up soon after you get it all to me.

Let's keep this going people!

[Scully1888]

And finally,

Thanks again for not pointing out the fact that I spelt "Bloody" wrong in the title.

[Scully1888]

Good stuff, looks like we're onto page SEVEN.

So, here's the final installment of the BLOODY MURDER IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS.

Choke back a tear, and here we go one last time.

CHAPTER 18 CONTINUED

1:16:16 - As Julie goes round the corner, past a big rock, up comes Patrick! Sweet Jesus!
1:16:18 - Now, I've studied this part carefully, and I've finally managed to work out every movement Julie makes while screaming:

* Shuffle of feet.
* Step back.
* Step forward.
* Step back.
* Cut to Patrick's face.
* Step back.
* Sidestep right.
* Put your hand on a log.
* Step back.
* Step forward.
* Step back.

And that's how you do the Bloody Murder Polka! Of course, you have to do it all in the space of 4 seconds.
1:16:23 - Cue a great line from Patrick: "You're not playing by the rules, McConnell. You have to yell Bloody Murder!"
1:16:30 - Julie somehow manages to get her shoelace tied on a log...
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap18/lace.gif
1:16:35 - Patrick goes to hit Julie with the axe, but she manages to move away in time. Patrick instead sticks the axe right into the log.
1:16:38 - His frustration is clear.
1:16:42 - Julie runs away and Patrick finally manages to pull the axe out of the log. However, he continues to pull his head back as if it was a big strain despite the axe easily coming out. As a result, it looks ridiculously fake.
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap18/grunt.gif
1:16:45 - Julie runs to the main entrance thingy of the camp. Blonde Chick With No Name, Toby and Jason are packing up their bags into the car. Here comes a script schmoes, heads up.

JULIE: Somebody help me! He's right behind me!
(Patrick runs into the scene)
PATRICK: It's okay everybody, the Sheriff arrested Drew by the lake. Now, Julie was hit in the head, she's got a mild concussion... and I need to take her to the hospital. (Yeah, by the way, Patrick looks like this while he's saying all this)
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap18/blood.gif

(It really doesn't look as if he's covered in blood and sweat and holding something behind his back.)
JULIE: Jason, do something! He's the killer!
JASON: It's okay Julie, it's over. Ju-just do what Patrick says.
PATRICK: Get in the car Julie.
JULIE: Somebody believe me!
(Toby goes into the truck and brings out a shotgun. Bit harsh.)
JULIE: He's Nelson Hammond!
TOBY: (Pointing the gun at him) Stop right there!
PATRICK: Woah, look who you're talking to Toby. It's me, Patrick.
TOBY: I mean it, not one more step.
(Patrick takes one more step.)
(Toby goes to shoot but the gun kind of clicks a bit. He tries to fix it, and as he does...)

1:17:22 - Patrick runs at Julie with the axe but is shot right before he hits her.
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap18/fall9.gif

1:17:34 - It is revealed that the shooter is Drew. I guess they're trying to make out that she's avenging her father's death but she only shot him in the arm, so it's not like he's dead or anything.

[This message has been edited by Scully1888 (edited 04-05-2002).]

[Scully1888]

CHAPTER 19 - "It Must Have **** ******" (again, the name of the chapter spoils the twist ending)

1:17:46 - Someone is seen being zipped up in a bodybag, and every time I watched this I couldn't work out who it is, but after flipping the image 90 degrees, it was easier to recognise him as the almighty SURFER DUDE!!!!!!!! Pity he's dead and stuff.
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap19/deaddude.gif

1:17:53 - A poor man is trying to pull Fat Larry Bird away on a stretcher, but he's having a hell of a time doing it. You ever pulled a stretcher with a fat man on it over a dusty gravel path?
1:17:54 - The stretcher stops and Julie goes over to her dad.

JULIE: Everything's gonna be fine, daddy. I'll meet you at the hospital, and then tomorrow we can go home.
FAT LARRY BIRD: Fie nown wood owned ya (translation: "If I'd have known I would have warned you").
JULIE: It's okay. I'm a big girl now (Jesus...), I can take care of myself.
(She kisses him and he is pulled away again.)
(UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY NUMBER 5 - The guy is really struggling with that stretcher. Similarly funny is the fact that another stretcher in the background has been wheeled behind the ambulance to make it look as if it's been put inside it. The wheels are clearly visible on the ground.)
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap19/comedy5.gif

1:18:15 - A very funy-looking Eminem-style man-woman thing closes the ambulance door. I'm still not really sure if it's a really feminine guy, or a lesbian.
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap19/eminem.gif

1:18:24 - Julie then goes over to Drew's stretcher.

JULIE: How do you feel?
DREW: It's weird but I think I'm alright (That IS weird). I mean I came up here to deal with some unresolved issues about my father's death, and in a weird way I... guess you could say I did. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so literal.
JULIE: Is it strange to say I'm happy for you?
DREW: Probably.
JULIE: In that case, I'm happy for you. (What the hell?)
DREW: Okay.
JULIE: I'll meet you at the hospital, okay?
(Drew nods like a maniac.)
(Finally, Blonde Chick With No Name gets a decent line.)
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: Well, I'm outta here Jules.
JULIE: Bye.
BLONDE CHICK WITH NO NAME: See you next summer?
(Laughter ensues.)

1:19:07 - We see the Sheriff's car driving with Patrick in the passenger seat.
1:19:20 - The car stops outside the Police Station and the Sheriff goes round to let Patrick out. By the way, check out his boots. One's tucked in and one isn't.
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap19/boots.gif

SHERIFF: You know, I can kinda understand in a backward way (lol) why you killed Whitney and Brad and Dean... but why Doug? (Aye, why Surfer Dude?) Doug never did a thing to you.
PATRICK: I didn't kill Doug.
(The Sheriff takes his glasses off in shock. Lol, again.)
PATRICK: Must have been... TREVOR MOORHOUSE. (HOLY SHITE!!!! HE LIVES!!!!)

1:19:49 - We see Julie going to put her bags in the back of the van. Toby goes over to her.

TOBY: Need some help?
JULIE: Thanks.
TOBY: I feel like such a jerk, trying to save the day with no bullets like that.
JULIE: I don't think you're a jerk at all. Not many guys would take the risk of doing what you did for me.
TOBY: (PATHETIC JOKE NUMBER 27) Yeah, well, don't let that influence your decision as to whether or not to sleep with me. (Now THAT takes a slightly saggy set of cajones.)
JULIE: I'll try not to, but it's gonna be really hard.
(Both laugh a lot. Looks like the young Toby lad's in there. He even giggles like a little schoolboy.)
(Uh-oh. Jason comes over to ruin the day. He still think he's with Julie.)
JASON: Hope I'm not interrupting anything. I'm so glad I can finally put all this behind us and get back to how things were before. (To Julie) So, are we ready to go?
JULIE: Ah, yeah.
JASON: Take care Toby, no hard feelings eh buddy?
JULIE: Jason... Toby's coming with me.
JASON: What... we're gonna give him a ride to the bus station? Hey that's cool.
JULIE: No, Toby's coming with me to the hospital. I'm gonna give you a ride to the bus station.
JASON: What, Jules? You're gonna run away with Mr. Bullet-less here? Well, don't do me any favours alright?
(He takes his bags out of the van.)
JASON: Have a nice life together. (He walks away.)
TOBY: Ah, are you gonna be alright?
JULIE: Definitely. Let's go.

1:21:51 - The van drives away down the path, and Jason is left walking down the path by himself.
1:22:04 - Finally the van disappears out of sight.

Silence.

Then... Jason stops and looks in horror. What does he see?

http://scully1888.150m.com/chap19/end.gif

THE LEGEND LIVES!!!!

And thus the story finishes. But there are plenty of mockeries left so, I present to you...

CHAPTER 20 - "Closing Credits"

CAST

Julie JESSICA MORRIS
Patrick PETER GUILLEMETTE
Tobe PATRICK CAVENAUGH (Not "Toby", but "Tobe" as in Hooper)
Drew CHRISTELLE FORD
Dean MICHAEL STONE
Jason JUSTIN MARTIN
Whitney TRACY PACHECO
Jamie LINDSEY LEIGH (Ah, so the Blonde Chick With No Name does have a name after all)
Brad DAVE SMIGELSKI (What a name)
Doug WILLIAM WINTER (All hail the Surfer Dude)
Sheriff Williams MICHAEL PROHASKA
Tom McConnell JERRY RICHARDS
Trevor Moorhouse AS HIMSELF (Aye, very good)
Henry BOB STUART
Deputy BRIAN MESSING (That's Billy, by the way)
Paramedics RICKY COURTNEY
JASON GELBER (So it WAS a feminine man)

(Interestingly, no mention of Christelle Ford as Patricia Zemky or whoever played Bill Anderson)

CREW

Production Manager KEVIN UTSLER
Unit Manager JIM SCARBOROUGH
1st Assistant Director JEFF SPIELMAN
2nd Assistant Director KEVIN ULSTER (2nd task)
Office Coordinator PATTI SCARBOROUGH (Related to Jim?)
Script Supervisor MARY SHELLOGG
1st Assistant Camera KEN THORNTON
2nd Assistant Camera STEVE ONODERA
Sound RICHARD MERCADO
Boom Operator DON THOMAS
Chief Lighting Technician DEXTER ENERIZ
Grip/Electric JOSH BENOIT
RICHARD GALBRAITH
MICHAEL REPPERT
STEVE ROSS
BRETT SMITH
ERIC VELARDE
Art Director MARK HARPER
Prop Master JILL PERRY
Costumer BRIGIT JONES (I've read her diary)
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap20/brigit.gif
Asst. Wardrobe RACHEL PHILLIPS
Make-up/Hair JUANITA LYON
Asst. Make-up/Hair KIM DRAPES
Special Effects Make-up LARRY BONES (I love that name, too bad his blood looked fake)
Asst. Special Effects Make-up JUSTIN RALEIGH
Still Photography SHERYLL COULON
Online Editor RON MCRAE
Colorist VINNIE CIMINERA
Additional Music PHILIP LEAN
Sound Supervisor DAVID KITCHENS
Supervising Sound Editor BEN ZARAI
Sound Coordinator ERIC REUVENI
Re-recording Mixer ELIZA ZEBERT
ADR Supervisor ELIZA ZEBERT (2nd task)
Sound Effects Editors ELIZA ZEBERT (3rd task)
PAT GREEN
Sound Design SHILOH PETTYJOHN
ELIZA ZEBERT (4th task)
Foley BEN ZARAI (2nd task)
Dialogue Editor ELIZA ZEBERT (Jesus... 5th task)
Dialogue Assistant PAT GREEN (2nd task)
Digital Video Technician CHRIS MCDONOUGH
Laboratory FOTOKEM FILM AND VIDEO
Telecine Services BIG TIME DAILIES
Production Assistants BRIAN MESSING
CAMILLE ESPOSITO
NATHAN HUGHES
Craft Service BRIAN MESSING (2nd task)
Driver JASON GELBER
Caterer DEE-LITE CATERING
Insurance ABACUS INSURANCE BROKERS, INC.
Production Accountant BETH OCHOA
Legal Services ERIC S. JACOBSON, Esq.

(Now, for all those with Napster/Morpheus/Kazaa/iMesh/Gnutella/A life, here comes that soundtrack)
(Incidentally, I have all of these programs and couldn't find one song from this. Except for a life, it should be obvious that I don't have one of those yet.)

"COUNTRY GIRL"
Performed by the Ton Ups
Written by Carmine Coppola and Richard Mather
Produced by Charles Newman
Coutesy of Mother West Records (yes, that's "coutesy" and not "courtesy")
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap20/coutesy.gif

"JOE'S AIRFIELD"
Performed by Industrial Tepee
Written by Tom Shaner
Coutesy of Mother West Records ("coutesy" again)

"WE'RE GONNA RIDE IT"
Performed by Industrial Tepee
Lyrics by Tom Shaner
Music by Tom Shaner and Bob Sharkey
Courtesy of Mother West Records (yay, they spelt it right)

"THE WATER"
Perfromed by Michael Gardner (yes, "perfromed")
Written by Michael Gardner
Coutesy of Michael Gardner (and another mistake. Michael Gardner'll be pissed)
http://scully1888.150m.com/chap20/gardner.gif

Excerpts from "FEVER LAKE"
Courtesy of HEMISPHERE ENTERTAINMENT

Copyright 1999 Mainline Releasing


And that, my good, good friends, is that. Thank you so much, and I'll be back later with more photos.

Thank you.

[ominous_oat]

Children of the Living Dead sounds like it would be good, or how about Stephen King's Sleepwalkers? It's defenitly cheesy enough to make a good analysis.

[Scully1888]

Are these pictures working for anyone? They're not working for me.

[RogueSpear]

The pictures are not working for me either, but let me just say thank you. Your witty analysis has gotten me through this very long Friday night at work. I almost want to go rent this piece of garbage tonite. I said "almost".

Again, keep up the good work and I look forward to any future analyses that you may do.

[cereal killer]

well Scully thanks dude I for one appreciated your hard work and I enjoyed reading your analysis. Hopefully we will see more in the future.

[*sweet psychotic*]

Yeah great job Scully! You made this movie absolutely hillarious! See we really can enjoy the pathetic with a little sense of humor http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif, yes, even BLOODY MURDER. You even did the closing credits, congrats Scully and thanks for the entertainment.

[AlienClown]

Can't believe you actually did the full credits too, although I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Since you're done with this now you might want to make an appointment for a cat scan, wouldn't be a bad idea... http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif
You know the makers/rights holders of BM might not appreciate this too much, as its basically a complete substitute for the actual movie except people read what happens and the only visuals they get are the pics you post, but still, they might think you're hurting their rentals/sales.