Weapon X
05-31-2003, 02:35 AM
SPOILERS ALERT: This review is spoiler-riffic!
I'd heard quite a mixed reaction to this one before I finally saw it. There are of course good ones and bad ones; some said it rocked, some said it sucked balls. On a blind buy, I picked up a used copy of the Criterion edition for 13 bucks.
My reaction?
The moment I heard Chuck Heston's narration and saw the title logo burst into flaming pieces and come flying at the screen, I knew I was in Coolsville.
This movie is big on everything; there's of course the Texas-sized asteroid (don't mess with Texas, folks), there's explosions galore (the New York destruction sequence was pure joy), and even the acting is melodramatic and over the top ("Very wrong answer!!") This movie is an armored tank with the gas pedal shoved down through the floor. Okay, so the plot is laughable and the plot twists are unbelievable. But that's why it's called science-FICTION. It's not supposed to be believable, it's supposed to be escapist fantasy fun, and Armageddon delivers huge. It even covers all the bases; action, drama, romance, and humor...and what humor! Watching Bruce Willis chase Ben Affleck around the oil rig with a loaded shotgun was absolute hilarity.
And where the movie really got me...and I have no qualms saying this...it really did evoke true emotion out of me. The Ring did it with fear, The Matrix Reloaded did it with adrenaline, and Armageddon's done it with feelings of togetherness, loyalty, and teamwork...and really that's what this film is about; unity in all its forms. Watching the huddled masses watch and listen in earnest of things to come. The worried faces, the awed hush, and finally the celebration when the asteroid goes ka-blam. An entire world, once separated by its biases and prejudices and overall political idiocy, brought together as one planet, one people, if only for a day, if even that long. If it really takes total global annihilation to finally bring true peace, I say bring on the fucking asteroid!
SIDE NOTE: In times of tension, I honestly found myself yelling at the screen, "Do it already!" or "No, don't do that!" or "Push the fucking button!" Through the movie, the notion kept coming to me, "Holy shit, how are they going to do this!?" Any movie that makes you do that is a keeper.
And what would that emotion count for if it wasn't for the Willis-Tyler-Affleck dynamic? For a while I forgot that Willis was once John McClane and Hudson Hawk, and actually bought that he was a professional oil driller and overprotective father. I forgot that Liv was Stephen Tyler's daughter and believed that she was a sweet hometown girl juggling affection for both a father and fiance. And odd as it sounds, I actually forgot that Affleck was a future Daredevil and love slave to Jennifer Lopez and believed he was a struggling young man in love with a woman despite his rivalry with her father and his ambition to please him. That got me right here. *pounds on heart* So call me gullible, call me sappy...it got me.
That said, I now have an even greater love and appreciation for the Aerosmith's song "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing", for its words entail not only Grace and AJ's bond, but also Grace and Harry's, and perhaps even Harry and AJ's. I've always thought it was a beautiful song, and for me it's beauty has true justification now that I've seen why it was written and who for. I just wish when they played it at the end that they didn't cut out a whole chunk of the opening lyrics.
So....what didn't I find so appealing?
First, the number of things that went wrong during the mission. The debris-dodging as they approach the asteroid, that I can buy. Landing waaaay off course, that I can buy. Even the rock storm destroying Max and the Armadillo I can buy. But really, what was the point of the Russian space station disaster? I know peril is a recurring theme here, but I think that was overkill. Sure, it brought in the cooky cosmonaut guy, but just how much could go wrong when you're only en route to the moon? *flashbacks to Apollo 13* Oh yeah...
Second, the line of characters getting killed off. Going into this movie, I of course expected people to die. It's just that when they died, for the most part I felt nothing. We knew next to nothing about these people, and when they turned up dead, it was just a feeling of, "Oh...he's dead." Hell, I couldn't even remember most of the names. It turned into a matter of wondering who'd be next to go, not because I was genuinely concerned, but rather because I knew it was gonna happen. Even when Harry decides to sacrifice himself in place of AJ, even after AJ drew the short straw, I saw it coming a mile away, and it really didn't affect me. On the bright side, the final dialogue between Harry and Grace made up for that, especially seeing Grace run her hand across the staticky TV screen as Harry fades away.
Finally, the asteroid's surface environment plain and simple didn't convince me. It looked like cheesy set pieces with smoke machines and ice sculptures. I know I said before it was fantasy and we aren't supposed to take it seriously, but even I can't forgive the oversight that it's supposed to be a dangerous, razor-sharp rocky alien world, and yet there seem to be plenty of flat pathways for the Armadillos to roll over. Hey, even escapism has its limits, folks.
FINAL ANALYSIS:
This is my first Michael Bay experience, and I came off it entertained and even surprised. Some insane plot turns, incredible special effects, and enough thrills, chills, spills, and kills to keep the hardcore action fan like me watching, as well as enough human emotion to satisfy the lonely sap in me as well. For the rest of you, see it for the explosions, the cool asteroid shots, and Liv Tyler's sexy black bra. Hallelujah! :cool:
8/10
On to THE ROCK! (Can you believe I haven't seen that either?)
I'd heard quite a mixed reaction to this one before I finally saw it. There are of course good ones and bad ones; some said it rocked, some said it sucked balls. On a blind buy, I picked up a used copy of the Criterion edition for 13 bucks.
My reaction?
The moment I heard Chuck Heston's narration and saw the title logo burst into flaming pieces and come flying at the screen, I knew I was in Coolsville.
This movie is big on everything; there's of course the Texas-sized asteroid (don't mess with Texas, folks), there's explosions galore (the New York destruction sequence was pure joy), and even the acting is melodramatic and over the top ("Very wrong answer!!") This movie is an armored tank with the gas pedal shoved down through the floor. Okay, so the plot is laughable and the plot twists are unbelievable. But that's why it's called science-FICTION. It's not supposed to be believable, it's supposed to be escapist fantasy fun, and Armageddon delivers huge. It even covers all the bases; action, drama, romance, and humor...and what humor! Watching Bruce Willis chase Ben Affleck around the oil rig with a loaded shotgun was absolute hilarity.
And where the movie really got me...and I have no qualms saying this...it really did evoke true emotion out of me. The Ring did it with fear, The Matrix Reloaded did it with adrenaline, and Armageddon's done it with feelings of togetherness, loyalty, and teamwork...and really that's what this film is about; unity in all its forms. Watching the huddled masses watch and listen in earnest of things to come. The worried faces, the awed hush, and finally the celebration when the asteroid goes ka-blam. An entire world, once separated by its biases and prejudices and overall political idiocy, brought together as one planet, one people, if only for a day, if even that long. If it really takes total global annihilation to finally bring true peace, I say bring on the fucking asteroid!
SIDE NOTE: In times of tension, I honestly found myself yelling at the screen, "Do it already!" or "No, don't do that!" or "Push the fucking button!" Through the movie, the notion kept coming to me, "Holy shit, how are they going to do this!?" Any movie that makes you do that is a keeper.
And what would that emotion count for if it wasn't for the Willis-Tyler-Affleck dynamic? For a while I forgot that Willis was once John McClane and Hudson Hawk, and actually bought that he was a professional oil driller and overprotective father. I forgot that Liv was Stephen Tyler's daughter and believed that she was a sweet hometown girl juggling affection for both a father and fiance. And odd as it sounds, I actually forgot that Affleck was a future Daredevil and love slave to Jennifer Lopez and believed he was a struggling young man in love with a woman despite his rivalry with her father and his ambition to please him. That got me right here. *pounds on heart* So call me gullible, call me sappy...it got me.
That said, I now have an even greater love and appreciation for the Aerosmith's song "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing", for its words entail not only Grace and AJ's bond, but also Grace and Harry's, and perhaps even Harry and AJ's. I've always thought it was a beautiful song, and for me it's beauty has true justification now that I've seen why it was written and who for. I just wish when they played it at the end that they didn't cut out a whole chunk of the opening lyrics.
So....what didn't I find so appealing?
First, the number of things that went wrong during the mission. The debris-dodging as they approach the asteroid, that I can buy. Landing waaaay off course, that I can buy. Even the rock storm destroying Max and the Armadillo I can buy. But really, what was the point of the Russian space station disaster? I know peril is a recurring theme here, but I think that was overkill. Sure, it brought in the cooky cosmonaut guy, but just how much could go wrong when you're only en route to the moon? *flashbacks to Apollo 13* Oh yeah...
Second, the line of characters getting killed off. Going into this movie, I of course expected people to die. It's just that when they died, for the most part I felt nothing. We knew next to nothing about these people, and when they turned up dead, it was just a feeling of, "Oh...he's dead." Hell, I couldn't even remember most of the names. It turned into a matter of wondering who'd be next to go, not because I was genuinely concerned, but rather because I knew it was gonna happen. Even when Harry decides to sacrifice himself in place of AJ, even after AJ drew the short straw, I saw it coming a mile away, and it really didn't affect me. On the bright side, the final dialogue between Harry and Grace made up for that, especially seeing Grace run her hand across the staticky TV screen as Harry fades away.
Finally, the asteroid's surface environment plain and simple didn't convince me. It looked like cheesy set pieces with smoke machines and ice sculptures. I know I said before it was fantasy and we aren't supposed to take it seriously, but even I can't forgive the oversight that it's supposed to be a dangerous, razor-sharp rocky alien world, and yet there seem to be plenty of flat pathways for the Armadillos to roll over. Hey, even escapism has its limits, folks.
FINAL ANALYSIS:
This is my first Michael Bay experience, and I came off it entertained and even surprised. Some insane plot turns, incredible special effects, and enough thrills, chills, spills, and kills to keep the hardcore action fan like me watching, as well as enough human emotion to satisfy the lonely sap in me as well. For the rest of you, see it for the explosions, the cool asteroid shots, and Liv Tyler's sexy black bra. Hallelujah! :cool:
8/10
On to THE ROCK! (Can you believe I haven't seen that either?)