Take a fucking shower, moviegoers.

[Grebdron]

Common fucking courtesy, people. This is why I hate people.

I rarely go to the movie theater, and this is why. I went with the g/f to see The Italian Job last night. Being the ever conscientious, anally retentive idiot that I am, I show up early, and find my most desirable seat. Rear of the theater, end of the aisle. The theater proceeds to fill to the brim. So people start showing up late. Three "gentleman" decide they're going to sit on the stairs, right next to me. They are blocking everybody's progress up and down the stairs. They are talking. They are opening their cellphones, which emit white-hot neon fucking light. Worst of all...they fucking stink to high heaven. Not like they just had curry, mind you. Like they haven't fucking showered since the millenium.

Good lord, people. Show some common fucking courtesy. Run a bar of soap through the underpits on occasion. It doesn't hurt. Really. I do it a couple times a day, and I'm fine. Nasty fucking hygeine is not cultural.

P.S. Is this on-topic enough, DF?

[quoth_the_raven]

its quite common. i cant remember the movie, it was a while back, but we had a guy sit in front of us stinking of cheap beer and days old sweat. of course, it was packed as all hell, so we couldnt move to find somewhere slightly nearer a draught. the smell....oh dear god the smell. its almost cruel to think of it like this, but it really was quite overpowering.

ps-greb, i reckon this might be just about on topic. first time for everything old bean ;):D

[BubbaStrangelove]

Originally posted by Grebdron
Three "gentleman" decide they're going to sit on the stairs, right next to me.


Not sure how it is in your state, Grebdron, but here in Florida, I've gotten so many free drinks, and VIP passes by "impersonating" a worker from the fire marshall's department.

Me - "Sir, are you aware that by allowing your patrons to impede the path of egress through those stairs you're creating an enormous fire hazard. Everyone in that building is at risk."

Manger: Thanks for letting me know! You with the Fire Marshall's Office?

Me - "Sir, it's the weekend. I'm with no one but my wife."

Manager: Hahaha! Have you been upstairs yet? Here, lemme get you a wrist band.

Me - "Thanks. You clear those stairs, I'd love to go up."



Ahhhh! The benefits of a wrinkle. Also, the key is to never say who you are -- just keep citing laws, and if they are stupid, and give you shit -- Just work the terms "code violation" and "state mandate" into a sentence.




Yes, I am the son of no one. I am the bastard of young.

[Grebdron]

Well, I wasn't quite as clever (who could be? You da man, Bubba). I simply went to the 17 year old manager and informed him that people were impeding the progress of other theater goers, and that I didn't believe this was a legal practice.

Said pimply faced manager promptly removed them from the theater.

[Bullet Tooth Tony]

When I was at the cine watching Jackass there was some drunk 16 years old's acting the big men "We could have six more pints while the trailers are on" yeah right, on your second shandy and leathered. I was so tempted to turn around and tell him to shut the fuck up, or failing that a smack in the face.

At one point the dude sitting behind me said he was gonna be sick...not a good sign while watching Jackass!

[BubbaStrangelove]

Originally posted by Grebdron
Said pimply faced manager promptly removed them from the theater.




Score two for the squeaky wheels of justice! :D

[Paterfamilias]

Bubba, you are my hero!!

"Sir it's the weekend, I'm with no one but my wife." - Classic!

[Jon Lyrik]

I think people who have seen a movie with Harry "Orange Lard" Knowles would agree with you.

[Adam J. Hakari]

I went to a screening of SCOOBY-DOO last year, and I swear, the smelliest kid in the world decided to sit in front of me. Then again, he did a helluva job distracting my attention from that godawful movie...

There's also the tale of seeing HOLLYWOOD ENDING, and someone in the theatre smelled so awful, I actually almost started gagging right there. I would've left, but my ride was gone until the movie was over. Oy...:(

[KcMsterpce]

Well, I haven't encountered this problem yet (Thank God) and I see about two movies a week.

But now that I've read about this rant, it's gonna happen on Friday! I know it!

DAMNIT! Why did I read this rant? :P

[Grim H.]

I sympathize for you. I'd have to walk out if someone was being that annoying. This is why I shower every day and/or before going out somewhere. Plus I don't pull out cell phones in movies. This is why people complain about movies being too long, they can't sit still for twenty minutes withoug whipping out a cell phone...man, some people suck...:D

[Dietrich]

Originally posted by Grebdron

Good lord, people. Show some common fucking courtesy. Run a bar of soap through the underpits on occasion. It doesn't hurt. Really. I do it a couple times a day, and I'm fine. Nasty fucking hygeine is not cultural.

There was a time that I got irritated by that as well, very irritated.

Now I just bring deodorant and spray them myself. Yes. I do. Don't laugh. It's serious.

Sometimes they get mad:'Are you fuckin' crazy! What is that stuff!?'
I give them my most generous and sexy smile and just say: 'You stink sweetheart.'
Then they useally go sit somewhere else, which is even better.

[Paterfamilias]

Actually, not showering is one of my favorite arrows in my quiver. Let me explain.

I hate sitting next to strangers, it totally takes me out of a movie to have to share an armrest with someone I don't know. So, If I know I'm gonna be goin to the theater on a Fri or Sat night, I'll plan ahead and not shower for a couple of days. To aid in the stench, I will eat a good meal with garlic and onions, with a big side of beans to help get the flatulence going strong. I will visit my local tobacconist and have a nice cigar on the way and then dab a little pachoulli behind the ears.

It works wonders. People give me a wide berth. Sure they come in and sit next to me, but in a few minutes, they're overwhelmed and get the hell out o' there. I usually get a couple of seats next to me and no one in front or behind me either! Even with a sold out show.

In fact, the other night, these guys came in and sat near me, but then they moved and sat on the steps. The best thing was, some aging, grumpy guy who was there with his girlfriend had them kicked out!! HAHAHA ..suckers.

[Grebdron]

Originally posted by Paterfamilias
In fact, the other night, these guys came in and sat near me, but then they moved and sat on the steps. The best thing was, some aging, grumpy guy who was there with his girlfriend had them kicked out!! HAHAHA ..suckers.

Hey! I resemble that remark.

Fucker.;)

[noahx29]

Originally posted by Paterfamilias
Actually, not showering is one of my favorite arrows in my quiver. Let me explain.

I hate sitting next to strangers, it totally takes me out of a movie to have to share an armrest with someone I don't know. So, If I know I'm gonna be goin to the theater on a Fri or Sat night, I'll plan ahead and not shower for a couple of days. To aid in the stench, I will eat a good meal with garlic and onions, with a big side of beans to help get the flatulence going strong. I will visit my local tobacconist and have a nice cigar on the way and then dab a little pachoulli behind the ears.

It works wonders. People give me a wide berth. Sure they come in and sit next to me, but in a few minutes, they're overwhelmed and get the hell out o' there. I usually get a couple of seats next to me and no one in front or behind me either! Even with a sold out show.

In fact, the other night, these guys came in and sat near me, but then they moved and sat on the steps. The best thing was, some aging, grumpy guy who was there with his girlfriend had them kicked out!! HAHAHA ..suckers.


That is a beautiful idea! Thing is... are you really SERIOUS? I'd love to see that, if so... I may haveta try it myself sometime..

[Paterfamilias]

Originally posted by noahx29
That is a beautiful idea! Thing is... are you really SERIOUS? I'd love to see that, if so... I may haveta try it myself sometime..

No, I'm not serious. It does sound fun though doesn't it?

OK. now I know how DF felt in the other thread. I thought I made it pretty obvious that I was kidding, but I was misunderstood.

[quoth_the_raven]

Originally posted by Paterfamilias
No, I'm not serious. It does sound fun though doesn't it?

OK. now I know how DF felt in the other thread. I thought I made it pretty obvious that I was kidding, but I was misunderstood.


pater, stop complaining about being misconstrued and go take a shower. jeez buddy, look at the title of this rant as well. you stink boyo ;)

:D

[Paterfamilias]

Originally posted by quoth_the_raven
pater, stop complaining about being misconstrued and go take a shower. jeez buddy, look at the title of this rant as well. you stink boyo ;)

:D

Yeah, I was actually a little disappointed when I came into this thread. I thought Greb was inviting us all to his place for a shower.

[quoth_the_raven]

Originally posted by Paterfamilias
Yeah, I was actually a little disappointed when I came into this thread. I thought Greb was inviting us all to his place for a shower.



you mean you havent done that yet? hes got a great selection of scented oils ;)

[Grebdron]

Bath salts, quoth.

And I don't use sheets on the bed. I use a shower curtain. Sliding around in the baby oil is fun.

[Dude]

Well, my stink episode WAS cultural...hindu/indian....turban and all. A few years back, I went to the show to see Dumb & Dumber...this guy smelled like he crawled thru the sewers of hell itself. It was a combo odor of: Underarm B.O, curry, & grilled onions. It was one of those odors so foul that it actually MADE me react in a violent way. As I felt my nose hairs literally cinging off and falling from my nostrils, I found myself angrilly telling him that he fucking stinks, and MOVE to another seat, cause (I) was in the aisle first. He looked at me, and said in that hindu accent: Fuck on you man, I do not to be fucking stinking, you american racist. I told him, yes you DO, now fucking move you smelly bastard..and he said, if I smell of stink, it is of your ass! I told him YEP, it is..you smell like my fucking ass on a hot summer day after a nasty shit, you obnoxious bastard...this was pretty loud, and needless to say, a few "americans" applauded me, laughed at him for lack of how to argue....they were saying, he just admitted he smelled like that dudes ass!...and told him to go take a "fucking bath" and deoderize his cab...he left, saying, fuck you all, you fucking fucks.... I'm not proud of it, didnt need anyone to butt in, but it was one f those foul stenches that grabbed me and shook my senses before I knew I was out of control and arguing with someone....if Dr Jekyll created a SMELL POTION, that guys odor was strong enough to turn people into Mr. Hyde. Since then, I totally agree with all this aroma therapy stuff...an odor actually caused great anger in me that day.

[Succubus]

There's nothing worse than someone taking a seat in front of you...you find yourself thinking that their confection of choice smells quite rancid...and then you realise that they're not eating.

That realisation dawns like news of a death, I tell you that now.

[quoth_the_raven]

Originally posted by Succubus
There's nothing worse than someone taking a seat in front of you...you find yourself thinking that their confection of choice smells quite rancid...and then you realise that they're not eating.

That realisation dawns like news of a death, I tell you that now.


i dont know, i havent ever had that trouble down in cardiff. up in the midlands, the smell of rancid people in the cinema is far more common for some reason...;)

[AgentSmith]

Damn.. I have never experienced something THAT bad a theater..

The worst is stupid little kids talking during X2!!

[Dixiecup]

Dude! That was too funny... Bahahaha! I'll have you know I choked up on the 'Fuck on you, man', part, and almost swallowed an ice cube!

I went to see Greek Wedding last winter, and there were these loud, smelly kids in the theatre right behind me. Everytime these little Children of Crack ran in front of me, I'd catch a whif and shutter. So Attention Mom's out there- Please do not take a smelly child to the movie without taking a fucking garden hose to them or something, first!

[Jim H]

Paterfamilias - Your little whims of fantasy have cast doubt upon my belief that all of humanity is scum that must be destroyed.

http://leph.tripod.com/winnar.txt http://www.film.ru/img/shots/dogma.jpg

[Paterfamilias]

Originally posted by Jim H
Paterfamilias - Your little whims of fantasy have cast doubt upon my belief that all of humanity is scum that must be destroyed.


Aw, thanks Jim H.


http://www.raceworx.com/funnypics/tonyrobbins2.jpg