Monster Vision and the genius that is Joe Bob Briggs

[Dignan]

Monstervision- without a doubt the best 2 hours of television one could witness way back in the mid 90s. Hosted by a true phillestine of the arts by the name of John Bloom, but he prefers Joe Bob Briggs.

Yes, Joe Bob Briggs, before Arrow in the Head, there was another genre fiend who injected large amounts of humor while also grtting down to what made it so great/flawed, and all this with a true understanding of the genre. His name- Joe Bob Briggs.

Yes, he began as the first self proclaimed "Drive in Movie Critic". His first review was of the Italian(or Eyetalian, as Briggs specified)
gore film The Grim Reaper in Jan. 1982 and from that sprung a HUGE fan following, and became the subject of much criticism in the state of Texas, just due to his love of the genre.

From his controversial parody of "We Are The World" to his sarcastic ad vice to his fans in "Joe Bobs Advice To The Hopeless"
Briggs has always been quite the humorist, even garnering his own 1 man show called "Joe Bob: Dead in Concert" which played in comedy venues all over the nation.

After all this, in 1986, The Movie Channel asked him to be a guest host on their late night horror flm showcase "Drive in Theater", and soon became so popular that he became a regular on the show, and with him it became TMC's most highly rated show and garnered 2,count'em, 2 Cable Ace nominations. With this came appearences on over 50 talk shows and pseudo fame. And in 1996, after TMC ended "Drive in Theater" TNT asked him to host
there new horror film showcase program, apropriately entitled "Monstervision". And so, history was made.....

Now, who hear can forget Monstervision? It is arguably one of the funniest Television shows ever and far surpasses that hack Elviras old show. Sure Briggs doesn't have big knockers and corny one liners- but he does have a keen wit and a rather comprehensive knowledge of horror films, which combined made
Monstervision the underground phenomena that it soon became.

And with charcters like the uber hot Rusty the mail girl and his devoted following of fans in prison, what wasn't there to laugh at?

My personal favorite episodes are(in no particular order):
Maximum Overdrive: " I hope Valvoline knows what they got into when they sponsored this one. They WILL have a very fine-tuned demographic by the time it's over, though. Let's see, it'll be one bored hospital security guard. A gal who wants to have Emilio Estevez's baby. Oh, and a bunch of guys in prison. THEY use a lot of motor oil. You know, no matter how many times I make fun of "Maximum Overdrive," Big Steve still speaks to me. He invited me to his big 25th anniversary party, celebrating the publication of "Carrie." Steve, you're a bigger man than I. That's what happens in middle age. You could really lose 20 pounds, guy. . . . There won't be any more invitations, will there?"


Friday the 13th pt. 6: "Part 6 had the same problems with the motion picture ratings board that Part 5 had, so basically we're not seeing diddly squat of the special effects. The best one we just missed is where Jason reached into Ron Palillo's stomach--that's Arnold Horshack--pulled out his guts and dropped his heart on the ground, where it lay there steaming. The MPAA made em cut THAT, and then, of course, TNT got a hold of it, and now it looks like he just gets PUSHED to death. You'd think at four in the morning they'd throw us a bone."

Return of the Living Dead: "Why did that blonde zombie say that eating brains stops the pain, but they're not really EATING the brains? They're chomping INTO the brains, but they're not really INGESTING the brains. Is that more editing by TNT? They're a little uptight about excessive organ-consumption. But it's organ-consumption that IS integral to the plot."

and of course

The Funhouse: ""God is watching you! He hears everything!" If God is WATCHING you, how does he HEAR everything? That was technically the Old Crone.

All good horror movies have at least one Old Crone. This one has a couple of em. The Old Crone is there to remind you what your girlfriend is eventually going to look like. Thats why she's so scary."

You gotta love it. So I deem this the Jo Bob Briggs appreciation thread, a celebration of all things Joe Bob and most importatntly, Monster vision. And for you Joe Bob virgins, you can find out all about the guy and see other neato stuff like reviews and transcripts at his offcial site : http://www.joebobbriggs.com/index.asp

WOO! Now if only I could find some more pics of Rusty the Mail girl... yum.












:D

[countchocula]

I wish I could have seen an episode or two of Drive-in Theater. From what I've heard, it surpassed MonsterVision. At any rate, I loved the latter, only they didn't play enough horror. Almost every other week, I would have to sit through something akin to Clash of the Titans. Yeah, it contains horror elements, but come on. TNT had to have had more to offer in their library.

Joe Bob's reviews are meager at best, but the guy still rules the planet. Are there any plans for another Joe Bob-hosted b-movie series?

[Dignan]

No but he does have a new bok coming out and a series of Drive in dvds courtesy of Elite Entertainment.

And yes, he does rule the planet....

[Giselle]

I LOVED his commentary on the Jason X dvd




The mans hilarious...

[tightywhitey411]

sumone should revive that show...i knew he looked familiar on the jason x dvd but i just couldnt put my finger on it. i remember watching him when i was just a wee boy. a pure horror comedian if there is such a thing

[the night watchman]

Man, I miss MonsterVision. I work Saturday nights, so MonsterVision would be my cap-off once I got home. Now I just get all liquored up.

[Dignan]

Bump

[Gretchen_Ross]

i love joe bob. any man who coins a phrase like "spam in a cabin" must be a genius. "monstervision" was a classic show.

countchocula - ok, now that you've changed your avatar to "the night flier," what was your last one? it's off topic, i know, i know - but it's eating me up inside! (well, not really, but i would like to know).

[ofmknockoff]

I knew this guy must be a great reviewer when I rented Slumber Party Massace III one time and it had a really funny Joe Bob Briggs quote on the front. It was descriping the different deaths and how many tits were in it.

[Dignan]

Originally posted by ofmknockoff
I knew this guy must be a great reviewer when I rented Slumber Party Massace III one time and it had a really funny Joe Bob Briggs quote on the front. It was descriping the different deaths and how many tits were in it.

Here is that quote: "Drive-in Acedemy Award Nomination! Nine breasts. Ten dead bodies. Speargun in the leg.Polo mallet to the head. Power drill through the upholstery. Sledgehammer fu. Bleach in the eyes.... Joe Bob says check it out!"

Bringing back old memories..?:cool:

[SonnyVanHelsing]

He made me fall in love with Exorcist II....The man absolutely rules. I wasnt panning on buying Jason X, but if it has his commentary I'll have to splurge

[Shatter]

I miss Monstervision too, can't someone put Joe Bob back on tv?
Well I do have an idea, has anyone gone to the SpikeTV website yet? They did say tell us what you want to see.

[pyscho dude]

Awwww monster vison. I used to watch that show all the time. That's how I very first discovered return of the living dead. It's a shame that I turned the channel( I got so freaked out after seeing that scene where tarman eats suicides brains, I was a little kid at the time). He is a funny guy. Although his reviews are a bit short and not too detailed.

[countchocula]

Originally posted by Gretchen_Ross
countchocula - ok, now that you've changed your avatar to "the night flier," what was your last one? it's off topic, i know, i know - but it's eating me up inside! (well, not really, but i would like to know).

It was a heavily distorted close-up shot of a "punt." A "swat" even. It tickled me pink (no pun intended) to know that people were clueless as to what they were staring at ever so intently. It was certainly fun while it lasted! Well, for me anyway. :D

[the night watchman]

Okay, I'll bite: What the heck is a "punt"? A "swat" even?

Love your new av, BTW. Very underrated King flick & story.

[ERIN_LoJ]

Is the avatar from Night Flyer? If so, I agree - underrated movie, great story.

I haven't read or heard Briggs before but I saved the website above for further checking.

[Gretchen_Ross]

Originally posted by the night watchman
Okay, I'll bite: What the heck is a "punt"? A "swat" even?


methinks it's something dirty - but then again my mind is permanently in the gutter.

[the night watchman]

Mayhaps its a relative of the widget?

[Frank the Tank]

I used to watch it every Saturday night when I was 6 or 7.

They need to bring it back, and I think they might someday because everything I used to like is coming back like The Tom Green Show, Ren and Stimpy, and Headbangers Ball. So it could come back one day.

[W. E. Sawyer]

Man do I miss monstervison. Who remembers the Halloween F13 Marathon. Boy did that rock. The show skyrocketed downhill once TNT decided to show non horror movies during monstervision; how stupid. I would LOVE to see Joe Bob come back and host a show. Anyone know what his future plans are? If he is coming back to TV at all?

[the night watchman]

"Skyrocketed downhill?"

Anyway, yeah, the F13 marathon was great. It went from the Part 1 to "Jason Lives" (or was it "New Beginning"?) and during the course of the marathon, Joe Bob's crew mysteriously disappeared one by one, until he was the only one left. At the end, the killer was revealed to be ... Ted Turner! Hilarious!

[countchocula]

Originally posted by the night watchman
Okay, I'll bite: What the heck is a "punt"? A "swat" even?

Ok, this is the last hint...VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And yes, The Night Flier is a personal favorite. Director Mark Pavia had plans for a sequel, but I haven't heard anything about it in months.

[Mojo67821]

lol, anyways...

I interviewed Joe bob recently, and even he said he doesn't see himself getting a TV gig anytime soon. He's busy writing numerous columns for certain publications, and promoting his book.

Someone had a genius idea though, head over the the SpikeTV website (formerly TNN) and tell them you want Joe Bob! They're already running the Friday the 13th films like it's their job, the next logical step is Joe Bob, let's start a campaign!!!!!!!!

www.bghorror.topcities.com/interviewjoebob.html

[Mojo67821]

I just sent them a big long diatribe about how they should hire Joe Bob, about how it would be the genius thing to do! Go to the link and do it yourself!!!

http://www.thenewtnn.com/

[Gretchen_Ross]

Originally posted by countchocula
Ok, this is the last hint...VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i knew it! see, having a dirty mind eventually pays off.

[VincentPrice]

Originally posted by Giselle
I LOVED his commentary on the Jason X dvd




The mans hilarious...

He has a commentary on the Jason X DVD?

[Dignan]

Originally posted by VincentPrice
He has a commentary on the Jason X DVD?

No friends, he HAS NO COMMENTARY on the Jason X dvd. He does pop up for the documentary "The Many Lives Of Jason Vorhees" and offers up some insightful and humorus comments.

There. Now that that is finally straightened out......

[SykkBoy]

I always preferred Joe Bob's Drive-In Theter...I remember when they cancelled it and I didn't know...I tuned in and....no Joe Bob! I was pissed and promptly cancelled my subscription to TMC. I remember he used to bitch about USA Network, etc. hacking up all of the good movies and then hosted Monstervisio which..you guessed it...hacked up good movies...

I discovered a lot of great movies on the old Drive-In Theater and of course loved the counts: breasts, blood, bodies, etc.

I saw one of my favorite "dead stripper" movies, "Naked Obsession", on the old Drive-In Theater....

[MisterTwister]

MonsterVision was my favorite show on Saturday nights. Who cared if the movies were edited...Joe Bob was the shit! He was fuuny,rude and cool at the same time. I watched almost every episode(that i can remember) and hopes of it coming back are decreasing. Damn You TNT!!!

[Mojo67821]

I didn't mention this before but, they are actually looking for suggestions on the Spike TV website, they have a section called TELL US WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE.

There's a very convenient form you can fill out.

Come on horror fiends, you're always talking about wanting Joe Bob back, let's get to it!

Just click on feedback on the main page.

[ERIN_LoJ]

I spent over an hour looking through his official website the other night and you're right - this guy is hysterical. I havent' seen monstervision unfortunitely, and regret missing out : (

I copied and pasted some good things he wrote concerning different movies after reading several reviews. Apparently he really liked Henry: Portrait of a serial killer and had this to say about it's rating (which makes perfect sense by the way):


Unfortunately for you, you'll probly never get to see Henry, because the MPAA Jack Valenti Honor Society Censorship Board out in El Lay gave the movie an X. It didn't get an X for violence. It didn't get an X for sex. It didn't get an X for language or nudity or transvestites hacking each other's heads off. Nope. The seven members of the Censorship Board gave it an X for "disturbing moral tone."

Which is about like saying, "We don't know exactly WHY we hate it so much. We just hate it."


LOL Thankfully now that has changed since it can be found around rental stores. Another bash on the censors :D

The guy that put up the money for the movie, Waleed B. Ali, said it this way. "What I want to know is how in 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom' a man sticks his hand into the chest cavity of another man and pulls out a bleeding, beating heart and the movie gets a PG rating. And our movie, which has nothing like that, gets an X?" The MPAA refused to comment, but I think we all know the answer: Drive-In Discrimination. Pure and simple.

I loved this on the REMAKE OF PIRANHA

Sure, we've seen it before, but have we seen it with giant bug-eyed piranha that actually SCREECH LOUDLY as they chew up the legs of their victims?

I think not.


ROFL That's hysterical :D Or maybe I am just easy to please...

On figuring out the RELIC:

And Tom Sizemore, as the tough snappy-pattered police lieutenant, finds out that all the bodies have the rear part of their brains eaten away because the creature feeds on the hypothalamus gland. The reason I remember it's the hypothalamus gland is that they refer to the hypothalamus gland about 97 times before the movie is over. "Hmmmmm...missing hypothalamus? I thought so."

On the plot of the Unborn:

It turns out that Brooke's sneaky husband allowed Dr. Meyerling to "juice up" the little sperm injection with some baby-protein steroids, and the result is that all these women are out there with miniature Hulk Hogans ripping apart their intestines. (The lesbian couples love it.)

And of course HOWLING 2:

In fact, what I DO remember is that "Howling 2" was so pitiful they had to put lipstick on Christopher Lee, dress Sybil Danning up in a wolf suit, and then run an instant replay of Sybil ripping off her blouse FOURTEEN TIMES during the closing credits. In other words, pretty durn lame.

[Mojo67821]

Okay, so nobody seems to be responding to my "Let's get back joe bob" angle. Maybe some encouragement from the man himself might help. I emailed him to tell him about writing "Spike TV" about hiring him, and here's what he had to say.

Eric,
Well thanks a lot, bud, I can't tell you how flattered I am that
you would do that. I really appreciate it. Sure, I would love to work there!

Joe Bob

www.joebobbriggs.com

There you have it, Joe Bob would love to work for Spike!!!

[W. E. Sawyer]

Originally posted by Mojo67821
Okay, so nobody seems to be responding to my "Let's get back joe bob" angle. Maybe some encouragement from the man himself might help. I emailed him to tell him about writing "Spike TV" about hiring him, and here's what he had to say.

Eric,
Well thanks a lot, bud, I can't tell you how flattered I am that
you would do that. I really appreciate it. Sure, I would love to work there!

Joe Bob

www.joebobbriggs.com

There you have it, Joe Bob would love to work for Spike!!!

Mojo, would if you created one petition, have all of us sign it, then sent that to spiketv? Actually, now that I think of it, separate letters would probably be more effective. But I don't think a lot of people here will take the time to send a letter. :(

[ERIN_LoJ]

I'd be more than willing to fill out the form at the spike tv website. Where is it?

[W. E. Sawyer]

Originally posted by ERIN_LoJ
I'd be more than willing to fill out the form at the spike tv website. Where is it?

http://www.thenewtnn.com

[Mojo67821]

Look near the top, there's a link that says "Feedback"

The day that I went the site looked different, it had a whole section that said "Tell us what you want!" and even had some submissions posted. Then wouldn't you know it as soon as I posted the link here the site was totally different!

But whatever, they're still taking Feedback, and it's always worth a try.

Oh and for some more info (absurd info at that) they will not be called "Spike TV" any longer because Spike Lee actually sued them over the name...and he won. Can you believe that.;

Oh well, let's get Joe Bob back!!!

[Mojo67821]

**bump**

sorry guys, I feel it's my duty to keep this Joe Bob thread alive

[ERIN_LoJ]

For what it's worth I submitted the request on the feedback form. Let's hope they read 'em.

[Mojo67821]

Awesome, hey even if only two people send them feedback about Joe Bob, if someone is actually reading them than that's got to get somebodies attention.