Star Wars: Attack of the Clones-D

[bob]

I just watched this movie on HBO, and it is honestly one of the stupidest films I've ever seen. After the first twenty minutes or so, the film is split up into three different sections where actions take place:

1. Scenes with the Jedi Counsel
2. Scenes with Anakin making dewey eyes at Padme
3. Scenes with Obi-Wan playing Sam Spade

Scene sections 1 and 2 were literally unwatchable, I switched to Conan while they were on. During scene section 3 I was interested, but geez, Lucas took his sweet time with Anakin and Padme!

My main complaint besides the unwatchable scenes is the attempts at humor throughout the film. Sure, the original trilogy was funny, in it's own way. But it was because of the characters. Han Solo never said anything particularly funny, but the way he said things was funny. Now, Lucas is using quips and, yes, PUNS to spice up his film. In a scene where C3PO is being dragged on the ground, he says "This is a drag".

That one line has convinced me that Lucas is a hack. If he hadn't made American Graffiti, I would have no respect for him whatsoever.

[dh1989]

Originally posted by bob
Scene sections 1 and 2 were literally unwatchable, I switched to Conan while they were on.

So.. you're writing a review of a movie you skipped a lot of?

:confused:

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones is one of 2002's best "fun" films. It is exciting, spectacular in scope, and heart-warming. It has big helpings of action and laughs. I loved it.

[El Bracamonti]

i thought the movie was a whole lot of fun. i really really enjoyed it. 8/10

[bob]

Originally posted by dh1989
So.. you're writing a review of a movie you skipped a lot of?

:confused:


Go watch I Spit on Your Grave. Right, now try to watch the whole thing. Okay, good. You've most likely skipped away during the vomit-inducing graphic rape and revenge scenes. Now, are you gonna say the movie sucked, or that you can't offer your opinion because you didn't watch certain bits of it?

You might say "I didn't have to watch those scenes, I knew it was horrible violence". To that I answer "Everything I needed to learn from the scenes where Anakin and Padme sat in an assortment of screensavers I learned at the end, when they got married". Do you kind of see my logic in rating this film?


P.S. Yes, I do consider Lucas's attempts at screenwriting equal to the horrors in I Spit on Your Grave. In that film they are raping women, whilst in this film Lucas is raping the entire english language. And, although we can all agree that women are more important to the advancement of mankind than literature, it's the latter that's allowing us to discuss this subject.

***Steps off soapbox***

[Cronos]

I liked it

[Michael_myers]

Attack of the Clones was terrible.
2/10
One of worst movies in the entire world of movies, featured almost redeeming qualities. Did I really wanna see Yoda bounce around like Gonzo on speed? The computer generated penis shaped things weren't doing anything for me either. Completely crappy andhorrible movie. I liked episode one better, and I happen to agree with bob. I could jerk off and have a conversation with a friend while watching ep 2 and still get EVERYTHING that went on in this overlong crapfest.

[Arathon]

I really enjoyed this film 9/10

[Jerk Shapiro]

bob, my respect for you grows ten fold, Conan O'Brien does indeed, kick ass.


And on another note the movie stunk. 5/10.

[Hucksta G]

It was an alright movie, better then A Phantom Menace but only slightly, Natalie Portman is hot! 6/10

[Frank the Tank]

I thought it sucked, it was boring and the acting wasn't really good at all. The only good part was Yoda and the last half hour. 4/10

[Jon Lyrik]

I'm with you, bob and Michael_Myers, though I managed to watch the whole thing. Heartless, annoying, and boring. The only things good about it:

a) Some of the sets where nice.
b) The make-up was ok, I guess.
c) Score has some good parts.
d) Portman is in a lot of sexy costumes.
e) The sound was well-mixed.
f) Yoda was good (despite inconsistent F/X work), as well as Christopher Lee.

But techincal goodness can't save a film, and Yoda and Lee are underused. 2/10, being generous.

[ANTBond007]

8/10. Attack of the Clones is a fun, fairly complex film that stands as second best in the five-part series.

[Tuukka]

After strongly disliking Phantom Menace (4/10) I really liked AOTC. It's fun, fast paced adventure movie. The action is often spectaular, visually it's quite interesting, and the storyline is entertaining. I also thought that the acting had improved, I especially liked Lee and McGregor.

Yeah, the love story is corny as hell, but I didn't bug me that much. I thought it was also entertaining in it's own way.

I saw AOTC twice in theatres and it's close to getting 8/10, but I give it 7/10 at the moment.

[Dignan]

Originally posted by bob
Go watch I Spit on Your Grave. Right, now try to watch the whole thing. Okay, good. You've most likely skipped away during the vomit-inducing graphic rape and revenge scenes. Now, are you gonna say the movie sucked, or that you can't offer your opinion because you didn't watch certain bits of it?

You might say "I didn't have to watch those scenes, I knew it was horrible violence". To that I answer "Everything I needed to learn from the scenes where Anakin and Padme sat in an assortment of screensavers I learned at the end, when they got married". Do you kind of see my logic in rating this film?


P.S. Yes, I do consider Lucas's attempts at screenwriting equal to the horrors in I Spit on Your Grave. In that film they are raping women, whilst in this film Lucas is raping the entire english language. And, although we can all agree that women are more important to the advancement of mankind than literature, it's the latter that's allowing us to discuss this subject.

***Steps off soapbox***


I can watch the vomit inducing rape and revenge scenes in I Spit On Your Grave, and I must say that if you do skip those scenes then yes, you don't have to much of a right to be giving such a review.

After all, at the moment you skipped the scene the rapists could've reconsidered there actions and taken the women out for Iice cream, then after knocing over her Ice Cream cone, she could exact there revenge in variously hideous fashions. You don't know what happens in a scene unless you watch it.

***Steps off soapbox***

But yeah, these movies do suck. You do get to see Sam Jackson kick ass with a light saber and for that I give it a 5/10 alone. Good going with Conan man, that's the better choice.

"Ewok motherfucker, do you speak it?"
"What aint no fucking planet I ever heard of, do they have teddy bears with spears on what?"
:)

[bob]

Dignan, man, that 'ice cream cone' thing was hilarious! I don't mean that as mocking your post or whatever, but it just had me on the floor. Keep that up and you'll get a promotion.

[bankholdup]

I really enjoyed Attack Of The Clones: high 8/10. Sure, there is terrible acting and a not-so-good script, but that didn't really matter in the long run. What mattered was that I had a blast watching this film in the theaters....Yoda rules.

[Moviefreek]

I am one who must disagree with probably everyone. I thought this was to be the best of the series so far. Go ahead and throw stones. But I enjoyed the story, enjoyed the action and when you compare to something so pathetic as Phantom Meanace. The acting is top notch.

Attack of the clones- 10/10
Episode 4- 10/10
Empire Strikes Back- 10/10
Return of the Jedi- 7/10
Phantom Meanace- 5/10

[bob]

Originally posted by Moviefreek
I am one who must disagree with probably everyone. I thought this was to be the best of the series so far. Go ahead and throw stones. But I enjoyed the story, enjoyed the action and when you compare to something so pathetic as Phantom Meanace. The acting is top notch.

Attack of the clones- 10/10
Episode 4- 10/10
Empire Strikes Back- 10/10
Return of the Jedi- 7/10
Phantom Meanace- 5/10

I'd argue, but my...eyes...are...glued to...your avatar.....

[t3h Qster]

obiwan playing sam spade..........nice

actually episode 2 is my second fav sw move after return of the jedi

[AgentSmith]

I highly enjoyed this film.. It really felt like another Star Wars film to me...

Almost as good as The Phantom Menace...

Great acting (yes, Hayden did do a GOOD job, not a BAD one)..

I LOVED THE DUEL AT THE END!!!

Great action, story and scenery...

8/10

[Dignan]

Hayden is a good actor but he was crippled by BAAAAAAADDD
dialogue.

5/10 still. Sam Jackson rules.

[urbanlegend23]

STAR WARS: EPISODE II - ATTACK OF THE CLONES (2002)

THE GOOD:

--If you thought the pod race in "Episode I" deserved its MTV award, and the lightsaber fight with Darth Maul was amazing, get prepared for a whole new level of action. While these action sequences in "Episode I" were very cool, "Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones" takes the action to a whole new level. We get a breathtaking high-flying chase through the city of Coruscant, an asteroid field ship battle, a droid factory sequence, a "Gladiator" esque stadium piece, a big war with the clones and the Jedi, and finally Dooku facing off with Anakin, Obi-Wan and - here's the best part - Yoda! Who wasn't fully thrilled when they saw Yoda take out his little lightsaber, abandon the walking stick and fly through the air to begin the battle with Dooku? That has to be one of the coolest things any moviegoer is bound to see all year, Star Wars fan or not! The action sequences are also not without their essential comic relief, coming from the classic C-3P0, who has something absolutely hilarious happen to him (won't spoil it).

--Though a few of the acting jobs are lacklustre, the performances here seem a lot more natural than those in "Episode I" do, particularly from Ewan McGregor. Ewan has really grown into the role and is starting to look, sound and move more like Alec Guinness' classic interpretation of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Natalie Portman is one of the more bland actors in the film but she gets a lot more charismatic towards the end. Hayden Christensen kicked lots of ass and then some as Anakin, he brought across the feelings of hatred, despair and arrogance that resides in Anakin with mesmerising capability. Samuel L. Jackson I feel bad for, as he just can't stray away from that 'motherf**ker' image; though he was enjoyable enough as Mace Windu. Nobody does Yoda like Frank Oz, the guy rocks! Christopher Lee defines badass once again as Dooku, I wanna see more of this guy!

--One of the many things I was looking forward to about "Episode II" was to see Anakin in action, and he certainly doesn't disappoint. The character is very multi-layered and impressively performed as mentioned above, I loved Lucas' dissection of him and the several hints of Anakin's eventual turn to becoming Darth Vader. The best Anakin moment in the film, that I felt really captured the character, is when he tells Padme that he killed not only men, but also women and children, during his outrage slaughter after finding his mother dead. That was a very effective scene, and extremely memorable, not only the film's best but also one of the best series scenes overall.

--John Williams' score is once again damn impressive, I just loved the lot of it. It was very thrilling throughout the action sequences and the love theme I just adored, it had the epic romance feel to it, which was very necessary.

--This film is the most special effects dependent of the series, and really ups the ante for special effects wizardry these days. Almost every scene and moment has special effects in it, and this wasn't a bother to me at all, because it all looked so damn real. Lucas is such a master at this and understands it so well, visa vie - truly amazing visuals. We get lots of digital characters as well as larger scopes - places, more ships and designs, the lot. The sound effects were also extremely good, especially during the asteroid chase (I loved the exploding sound effect used - it had me gripping my seat!).

THE BAD:

--Though there are action sequences at the beginning and end of the film, the second half suffers from being quite slow. It's not because it doesn't have action, but it is basically just Obi-Wan going around discovering things and Padme and Anakin debating about having a relationship. Come on guys, even for non-Star Wars fans who see the film, was there ever any doubt that these two were going to end up together?

--Though Star Wars films do require and are expected to have a lil' bit of cheese, this movie goes far too corny and over-the-top on a couple of occasions. Take, for example, one of the cheesiest scenes in film history. Anakin and Padme discuss politics, and then run around in fields of green and roll around in the grass laughing merrily as the dainty love theme plays. That was a sickening scene - thank God it didn't last very long! However, the rest of the romance I bought, because the romance in Star Wars films is not always strong in dialogue - though it was here, I actually liked the tortured dialogue from Anakin as he expresses his feelings for Padme - but it is the connection between the actors that makes it work. Portman and Christensen work well together, they seem to be having fun and had an acceptable chemistry.

RATING:

8/10 - An enormous improvement on "Episode I", with incredible visual effects, that leaves you begging for 2005 and Episode III.

IF YOU LIKED THIS MOVIE I RECOMMEND:

The Matrix Revolutions (7/10)
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (5/10)
Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (8/10)
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (10/10)
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (8/10)

[Boba Joe]

This is my 2nd favorite Star Wars film right below Empire . 9 out of 10

[Ripper1888]

One of the worst movies I have ever had the dipleasure of viewing everything about ths movie was aboslutely horrible,the acting was a joke and this had some of the worst CGI yet.I shouldn't be suprised that this sucked since the rest of the movies in the series do aswell thats right I'm saying itSTAR WARS SUCKS! the only good thing about this movie and this series is John Williams amazing score.

My ratings of the Star Wars films
A New Hope 3/10
The Empire Strikes Back 5/10
Return Of The Jedi 3/10
The Phantom Menace 1/10
Attack Of The Clones 1/10

Even though they've all sucked I'll see episode III when it comes out just cause I'm one of those people that once they see one movie in a series they have to see all of em no matter how bad they may be.