Movie reviews that give away the entire fuckin plot!

[JustinKing665]

This is something that has begun to iritate me a lot. Most of these reviews appear on AICN.

Almost every test-screening review on AICN goes like this:

The reviewer, either using all caps or all lower-case, with poor grammar and spelling, goes on and says something like 'THIS MOVEE ROKED THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!! I LUVED IT" and then talk about his day before he got there, or his orgasm from it, or if it's a negative review the reviewer will go on for a paragraph describing it's comparison to how it sucks "huge hairy donkey balls" or some other anatomy of an animal.

Then begins the "review"

They always tell exactly how the movie fuckin starts, shot for shot, and they even describe the damn opening credits to you. Then they tell you the turn of events that lead to the plot, then, proceed to give away every major event, what happens after that, and then who dies, and then they give away the entire ending. I want them to tell me how good or bad it is, not a fuckin plot anaylsis!

Granted, some of them do give spoiler alerts in their reviews, but many times they put "spoiler alert" and then put the spoiler right next to or underneath the warning, so therefore when you've already read the warning, your eyes have already caught what they're spoiling, making the warning useless. To get what I'm talking about, this is what it would be like if they were reviewing Empire Strikes Back:

Spoiler Alert: DARTH VADER IS LUKE'S FATHER!

Instead of doing it a couple spaces down.



Another example, read the new T3 review at AICN. Thankfully, I haven't read it, as I want to go in the movie knowing almost nothing of the plot. But from what I hear, he gives away everything that happens.

Why does Harry Knowles accept reviews from these retards? Uhh, it bugs me. They have no clue as to what it means to be a critic or even how to write a decent review. It is possible to state why you liked/disliked the movie without giving away the plot. Just look at Joblo's reviews.

[Jon Lyrik]

Harry Knowles can't spell for shit either, and has done a lot of shit. Check out what he has done on the editorial HARRY KNOWLES MUST GO (www.hollywoodbitchslap.com)

[JCPhoenix]

Originally posted by Jon Lyrik
Harry Knowles can't spell for shit either, and has done a lot of shit. Check out what he has done on the editorial HARRY KNOWLES MUST GO (www.hollywoodbitchslap.com)

Yeah i know, after reading that I'm totally convinced he has to go...

And yeah he keeps ranting on about The Faculty all the time on his damn site...

Also, I had one of the character development things from X2 SPOILED in HARRY's OWN DAMN REVIEW which didn't contain any spoiler warnings whatsoever, he just started ranting, and i found out one of the secrets I wish i hadn't known before watching the film...

Oh, and i just found that article the guy talks about where Harry compares the script for Donnie Darko and Amusements, and he loves both and starts saying how great Amusements is...and like the article Harry Must Go said, Amusements is indeed written by Moriarty of the site, and Harry neglects to mention this in his review of the script... which is a very deceitful thing to do because knowing that it is written by Moriarty definitely puts his opinion at a startling bias/slant...

Anyway, that was in 1999 and the script he claimed was a "hot read in Hollywood" hasn't been made yet has it...

btw, here's that article, it's near the end of it...

http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=4344

oh, and not to mention the fact that every damn review he has most of it consists of what he did to get there and not the actual review...take his fellowship review for example...most of it is about people and stuff, hardly anything about the movie except that he grovels and worships it...

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=11000

[JustinKing665]

*bump* I love cheetos *bump*

[PorcheRacer]

Originally posted by JustinKing665
This is something that has begun to iritate me a lot. Most of these reviews appear on AICN.

Almost every test-screening review on AICN goes like this:

The reviewer, either using all caps or all lower-case, with poor grammar and spelling, goes on and says something like 'THIS MOVEE ROKED THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!! I LUVED IT" and then talk about his day before he got there, or his orgasm from it, or if it's a negative review the reviewer will go on for a paragraph describing it's comparison to how it sucks "huge hairy donkey balls" or some other anatomy of an animal.

Then begins the "review"

They always tell exactly how the movie fuckin starts, shot for shot, and they even describe the damn opening credits to you. Then they tell you the turn of events that lead to the plot, then, proceed to give away every major event, what happens after that, and then who dies, and then they give away the entire ending. I want them to tell me how good or bad it is, not a fuckin plot anaylsis!

Granted, some of them do give spoiler alerts in their reviews, but many times they put "spoiler alert" and then put the spoiler right next to or underneath the warning, so therefore when you've already read the warning, your eyes have already caught what they're spoiling, making the warning useless. To get what I'm talking about, this is what it would be like if they were reviewing Empire Strikes Back:

Spoiler Alert: DARTH VADER IS LUKE'S FATHER!

Instead of doing it a couple spaces down.



Another example, read the new T3 review at AICN. Thankfully, I haven't read it, as I want to go in the movie knowing almost nothing of the plot. But from what I hear, he gives away everything that happens.

Why does Harry Knowles accept reviews from these retards? Uhh, it bugs me. They have no clue as to what it means to be a critic or even how to write a decent review. It is possible to state why you liked/disliked the movie without giving away the plot. Just look at Joblo's reviews.

Gee...in your little Hulk thread didn't spoil ANYTHING did it....Fuck, you ruined a part of it for me in the FUCKEN title of your thread and here you are BITCHING about other people spoiling thingshttp://www.joblo.com/forums/images/icons/icon8.gif :(

[James Logan]

I agree with spoiler-packed, spoiler warning-less reviews. I hate 'em too.

[JustinKing665]

Originally posted by PorcheRacer
Gee...in your little Hulk thread didn't spoil ANYTHING did it....Fuck, you ruined a part of it for me in the FUCKEN title of your thread and here you are BITCHING about other people spoiling thingshttp://www.joblo.com/forums/images/icons/icon8.gif :(

You really believe Hulk was killed by a Nerf Gun? :p

[Slim]

Originally posted by JustinKing665
You really believe Hulk was killed by a Nerf Gun? :p

:D That was rather funny.

[Scarface98.9]

The reviews I've come across were fairly good in providing a decent spoiler warning. One thing I didn't like was reading Roger Ebert's review of A Fish Called Wanda, and how he spoiled several key comedy scenes before I saw the movie. So I couldn't be that surprised at it since I knew it was coming

[PorcheRacer]

Originally posted by Scarface98.9
The reviews I've come across were fairly good in providing a decent spoiler warning. One thing I didn't like was reading Roger Ebert's review of A Fish Called Wanda, and how he spoiled several key comedy scenes before I saw the movie. So I couldn't be that surprised at it since I knew it was coming

Roger Ebert also spoiled alot of The Hitcher for me, including the death of a character and even HOW they died. Now I probably won't even see it thanks to him...

[Bloodybitch13]

I read those reviews. I thought he put up Spoiler Warnigs, didn't he? He didn't? Man must be something wrong with my memory.