GIGLI

[Mike]

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005JM5L.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

Genre: Crime/Gangster and Comedy

Plot:

This character piece tells the story of Gigli (Affleck), a hit man in Los Angeles eternally looking for the big score. His latest scheme is the kidnapping of the mentally challenged brother (Bartha) of a powerful district attorney. Successfully getting the brother to his seedy apartment, Gigli teams up with a woman (Lopez) he presumes to be in the business as well... is she; and will Gigli get away with this?

Release Date: Wednesday, July 30th, 2003 (wide).

MPAA Rating: R for sexual content, pervasive language and brief strong violence.

Distributor: Columbia Pictures

Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bartha, Al Pacino, Christopher Walken

Directed by: Martin Brest

Produced by: John Hardy, Casey Silver, Martin Brest

[dh1989]

I am 50/50 on this one. It looks pretty funny, and the triple-punch of Affleck, Pacino, and Walken is promising, but the trailer, and JLO's appearance in it, are detractors. I think I'll see it, and it's GUARANTEED to be better than American Wedding.

[dh1989]

Originally posted by Mike
Plot:

This character piece.

:p

[Mike]

I actually think this looks pretty good. It's very unlikely I will see it in theaters though, because there's too many other ones I want to see that are coming out. But if nothing else, I will rent it for sure on video.

[Mike]

Originally posted by dh1989
:p

Yeah, I thought it was kind of funny when I read it too.

[Scarface98.9]

Here's one of the reviews so far for Gigli courtesy of AICN:

Harry, Moriarty,

Mean Mr. Mustard here, and boy, am I pissed off right now. Why? We'll I thought that the pain and suffering that was Matchstick Men a few months back was about as low as this year could get in Hollywood filmmaking. Oh boy was I wrong. At least that film, with all its major flaws is releasable. But tonight I was one of the lucky few to see a test screening of a film that is so bad, so god awful, and so painful to sit through that I seriously think it's flat out unreleasable. The film…Tough Love. Haven't heard of it? Well that may be because it use to be called Gigli. Yes, the film with J. Lo, Ben, and a retard (forgive me if I'm not being Mr. Sensitive wile I vent out my frustrations). It doesn't matter what this film is called, or how many more title changes it will likely go through before it's finally released, it still an unreleasable PIECE OF SHIT! And to prove my point, I did some research on the films release date, and for some reason, it keeps on getting pushed back. It was originally scheduled for November, 2002, then December, 2002, then it moved to May 9th, 2003, then to July 11th, 2003, now it's scheduled for August 1st, 2003.

Before I actually review the dung, I want to state that I have no grudge against Ben or Jen Lo, nor do I have any scores to settle. I really had no reason going in to the screening not to like the film. I realize how much hard work and time it takes to make a film, and I always keep an open mind going into screenings. I'm just a film buff who just loves movies. But Tough Love unfortunately is what it is, and I'm not going to sugar coat that fact. Beware of lots of spoilers that I am about to reveal, but you will want to thank me later because it will save you the pain and suffering, not to mention your hard earned $10.

Here is the set-up…A NY based gangster is being investigated by the DA of NYC. So he has his people get in touch with a Los Angeles based "contractor" , Larry Gigli (Affleck). Gigli is hired to kidnap the NYC DA's kid brother, Brian (Justin Bartha) who is retarded and resides in a special institution in LA. Gigli does such and brings the kid to his hip LA pad. But the big bosses are afraid that Gigli might fuck up, so they decide to bring in yet another "contractor", Ricki (J.Lo) who shows up at Gigli's pad with lots of attitude and a yoga mat for her workouts. Oh yes, Ricki is also a stone cold DYKE! But Gigli changes that, naturally. And the retard opens up and enjoys life outside of the institution. And that is pretty much the sorry ass synopsis.

Oh yes there are two noteworthy cameos.

Cameo # 1

Christopher Walken has about 5 minutes of screen time as a detective who is grilling Gigli. No surprise that it's only 5 minutes in the film that is alive. Walken comes in, does his thing, has the one and only good line in the film (he looks at Ricki then to Gigli and says to Gigli "so who's the fish taco"?) and leaves.

Cameo # 2

Towards the end, we get to meet Mr. NY based gangster who has flown to LA to meet with his "contractors". And it is Al "HAM" Pacino with a pony tail (if my memory is correct, the last time Pacino had a pony tail on screen was that revolutionary war film that almost ended his career) basically being Al "HAM" Pacino.

When Mr. HAM was introduced, a woman who was sitting a few rows in front of me blurted out a loud "what the fuck" to the screen. I had the exact same feeling.

It's no surprise that Al is over the top, loud, and obnoxious. At one point he's even screaming and repeating at the top of his lungs "I'm Floating here". Al, you've been floating with this shtick for too long now, take a chill! The main problem with cameo # 2 is that all of the sudden, Ben and J. Lo's film turns into Al's showstopper.

But there are many, many more problems with this film, and lots of it is the screenplay that is actually credited to the film's director Martin Brest (Meet Jo Black, Scent Of A Women, Midnight Run, Beverly Hills Cop). The retard has a thing for The Peoples Court, OPPS wrong movie, I mean Baywatch. And he has a habit of repeating "who's on first…" OPPS wrong movie, I mean rap lyrics at inappropriate moments. You get where this is going.

At the mid point, we are introduced to Ricki's female ex-lover, and before we even get to know this character, she attempts suicide in a grisly scene that's totally out of place in the film. If you are going to have a suicide scene in a film, it should at least in some way help to develop the characters. In The Royal Tennebaums for example, Richie's suicide attempt brought the family together, and made Margot realize her love for Ritchie. The grisly suicide scene in Tough Love is nothing more than a plot devise to get Gigli, Ricki, and the retard to the hospital to have a comedic scene set in the hospital's morgue. Ricki's ex-lover is never seen or mentioned again. HELLO, a fucking broken toe could have just as easily gotten these characters to the hospital!

And the dialog! Tough Love has some of the most truly god-awful dialog ever heard on screen. Ricki has a 5 minute monolog about "my pussy" which is even more degrading and embarrassing than Liz Berkley's "I am not whore…" speech in Showgirls. I'm actually surprised that J. Lo didn't take a stand and say to Brest… "you don't really expect me to say those lines, do you?" unless that scene was improved by J. Lo, in which case, the editor should have taken a stand…"you don't really expect to leave in that scene, do you?"

And the animal cracker scene from Armageddon has been toped. It doesn't get any worse than this folks….

…Ricki finally coming around and is about to get it on with Gigli


Ricki:
It's time to baste the turkey


Gigli:
Huh?


Ricki:
You heard me.


Gigli:
Gobble Gobble


Ricki:
Gobble Gobble


Gigli:
This is so fuck'ed up
(they make love)
I can go on and on about the script, but I think you get the idea.

And the acting. Folks, if we fast forward to the end of 2003, then there is no doubt in my mind that Ben and J. Lo will walk away with Razzies for their performances (and this POS has to be a front runner for worst picture). Ben plays Gigli with a tough guy NY Chazz Palminteri dialect that goes in and out and in and out. To call his performance inconsistent would be an understatement. J. Lo on the other hand is the exact opposite. Every word, phrase, and line out of her mouth, whether it's coming on to Gigli, comforting the retard, standing up to Pacino, or that really embarrassing "pussy" monolog is said in the exact same low pitched smokey monotone. Clint Eastwood could get away with this style because his face and eyes say everything his voice doesn't but J. Lo, WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? And Justin Bartha. He looked to Hollywood (he's a dead ringer for Joaquin Phoenix) and I never believed, not for one minute that he was retarded. Can you same thing about Arnie from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape". NO, and what made that film work was that you never, ever once believed that an actor was "playing" retarded in that role. That is why DiCaprio got nominated for an oscar and that film and his performance in it is why he became the star he is today.

Oh, and I need to rant about the score…the fuckers stole Hans Zimmer's brilliant score from True Romance and placed it all over this film. Now, yes it's a test screening, and I know that they use temp sound tracks from time to time, but I don't think it's the case here because too many scenes seemed to have been edited in-time to the famous melody (dum dum de-de-de dum de-de-de dum de-de dum) almost too perfectly, as if this is the finished score to the film. I loved that melody and score so much, but every time I herd it in Tough Love, every time that xylophone kicked in-I wanted to scream. YOU ARE RAPEING ONE OF THE GREAT UNDERAPPRECIATED SCORES IN FILM HISTORY. FUCKERS!

Can I say anything at all, one good thing about this film? Um , I did, Walken's five minutes, and that's it.

This film is unreleasable at it's current state, no question about it, but it will be released someday and I'm afraid that Revolution Studios and Columbia Pictures marketing campaign will be to market Ben and J. Lo non-stop all summer long (bus adds, billboards, posters on every street corner and trailers in front of every summer blockbuster) and that this POS will have a $50 million opening (out of curiosity) and go over $100 million. If that is the case, it will be a +$100 million dollar hit in the same way that Wild Wild West was a +$100 million dollar hit. Don't be fooled! Seabiscuit will be in it's 2nd week of release if they stick to the Aug. 1st release date for Tough Love and I can't think of better justice than to see a film staring a horse beat out J. Lo and Ben that weekend.

And on that note, a closing and cautionary note to Miramax and Kevin Smith. Do whatever you can to get Jersey Girl out in theaters before Tough Love. I enjoy Kevin Smiths films, and I think he may just be one of the best writers working in film today, but any genius that is in Jersey Girl, if it has Affleck's best performance, if it tunes out to be Smith's Annie Hall, will be greatly diminished if it follows Tough Love. Everyone will be suckered into seeing Tough Love, it will gross $100 million, everyone will agree it was one of the greatest catastrophes of the year, if not the history of film, Jersey Girl will follow and good or bad, it will gross $25 million because no one will ever want to see Ben and J. Lo together again. GET JERSEY GIRL OUT FIRST!!! NOW!!! Not after this turkey Tough Love.

Gobble Gobble.

Mean Mr. Mustard out.

PS, let me know if I set the record for the longest review.

[Ed]

I saw the trailer and though it looked awful... I read that review and now it looks worst!! ugh :o even though its star power, i think this movie might bomb. word of mouth so far has been pretty bad over here.

[Horror whore]

Not to be a whore or anything, I think this movie's release date was pushed back to August 1st... But I could be wrong.

I'm waiting for video with this one, it could be pretty good, or pretty bad. I do have a chance to see this on the 30th for free but I'd have to go to a store near me at 3:00pm this Friday to get the tickets and I'll be at the movies at 3:00pm...

[MadsenOMC]

The chances of this being even decent are slim to none. With all of the delays and reshoots and terrible word of mouth and the lack of a satisfying ending, not to mention a pretty lame story, this will probably be quite awful. Which is too bad, since Martin Brest used to be great.

[Scarface98.9]

Here's another review:

Just saw Gigli with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Never have I seen such a disasterous film as this. Martin Brest has finally lost it. I loved Beverly Hills Cop like everyone else. I don't know how much of War Games was his, but I liked that. And I think that Midnight Run is a perfect film. But this movie is all over the place. Matrin Brest doesn't seem to know how to use an editor anymore. Everyone in the theater was writhing for the last hour of the film.

Affleck is Gigli, the hitman with the last name that no one can pronounce. his boss gives him a job to pick up this retarded kid from a hospital, b/c his brother is the prosecuting attorney that is trying to put mafioso Al Pacino behind bars.

This is stupid part number one.

Affleck is able to just walk in and walk out of the hospital with this kid. Not only is this whole part stupid, but from this point on the movie is Rain Man with a hitman, or at least it tries to be. Rain Man however was moving, and this film is just retarded.

On with the story.

J Lo shows up at his apartment where they are keeping the retarded kid. She turns out to be another hit man, ordered to work the same job and keep an eye on Gigli. Why any mob boss would ever think that a good idea is to put the very necessary hostage at the hands of two trigger happy, ego stroking hit men (women), and have them stay at the same house is beyond me. But logic escapes this entire movie. From this plot point, to the taking the patient out of the hospital, there's more. So Affleck wants to bang Lopez, but she's a lesbian. This goes on and on and on, and I swear to God they put footage from Chasing Amy in here, b/c all it is is Affleck and Lopez arguing about gay vs, straight, straight sex vs. gay sex, women vs. men, masculine vs. feminine, on and on and on. It is so boring. They even do one of the scenes with Lopez stretching in sexual positions, where you still end up thinking 'END THIS SCENE NOW!!'

Finally, Gigli's boss wants them to cut off a thumb, but they've grown to like Raymond (I know his name is Brian, but he is Raymond w/o Hoffman) Raymond raps old early 90's rap songs, and dances in public, and curses with his terrets syndrome. you know, he's cure and funny. And in love with the show Baywatch, and don't even get me started on that. Without giving away too much, Gigli cant bring himself to cut off the thumb, and this leads to a falling out with the mob, but falling in love with J. Lo. You see, her ex lover shows up, and slices her wrists. Because its a comedy, and that's what people do in comedies. Suicide. I know, fucking hilarious. AFter that, she takes her lover to the hospital, and then goes home and starts fucking Ben Affleck. Because we all know that lesbians aren't REALLY lesbians. Not with Ben Affleck in the room. Not J. Lo. No. So, the mob closes in, good guys become bad guys, and Affleck and Lopez have to make lifelong decisions. I say this because I don't want to totally ruin the film for those of you who are going to see it.

I can say that this is the worst film that I have seen in about three years. It never knows what it wants to be. Lopez disappears in one of the worst (if not the worst) farewell speeches ever put on celluloid. It has moments of comedy, then romance, then depressing suicde film, followed by a funny scene with Raymond singing Baby's Got Back. Nothing fits.

Save your money and go see something else.

Avoid this like the plague.

The only single redeeming value this film has is J. Lo's nipples piercing through her shirt in the scene in the hospital. Even the sex scene has her covered in a robe THE ENTIRE TIME!!!! Annoying.

And as a first time writer, you can call me Ford Fairlane

[Mike]

Originally posted by Scarface98.9
So Affleck wants to bang Lopez, but she's a lesbian. This goes on and on and on, and I swear to God they put footage from Chasing Amy in here, b/c all it is is Affleck and Lopez arguing about gay vs, straight, straight sex vs. gay sex, women vs. men, masculine vs. feminine, on and on and on. It is so boring. They even do one of the scenes with Lopez stretching in sexual positions, where you still end up thinking 'END THIS SCENE NOW!!'
[/i]

Oh my god! I had no idea from the trailer that she was a lesbian. They should have just called this Chasing Amy 2: Chasing Ricki.


You see, her ex lover shows up, and slices her wrists. Because its a comedy, and that's what people do in comedies. Suicide. I know, fucking hilarious. AFter that, she takes her lover to the hospital, and then goes home and starts fucking Ben Affleck. Because we all know that lesbians aren't REALLY lesbians. Not with Ben Affleck in the room. Not J. Lo. No. So, the mob closes in, good guys become bad guys, and Affleck and Lopez have to make lifelong decisions. I say this because I don't want to totally ruin the film for those of you who are going to see it.

Oh my god, what a friggin' cop-out. At least Chasing Amy didn't pull that shit. I guess Ricki (J. LO.) is only a part time lesbian :rolleyes:... After reading these reviews, this movie could end up being pretty laughable, but not because we're laughing with it, because we're laughing AT IT.

[Droog989]

Lesbian!?!? Awwwww, crap. Not that I have anything against lesbians or gays, but didn't Affleck already make that movie? Only without the corn-ball gangster look, and a weird plot point involving a mentally handicaped guy who's obviously there to bring about comic relief (but not at his own expense, oh no, that wouldn't be PC).

Anyways, I never had any real aspirations to see this film. Once they began marketing the brief cameo by Pacino on TV I knew the studio was in rough waters and wasn't sure what to do with the film. Here's an idea: shelve it! Never release it!

The one good line out of all the advertisements was:

"She thinks I purty"

"yeah, well, she's blind in one eye"

And the only reason I enjoy that line is because of Affleck's delivery. The man can be charming when he's not arogant, and he's not bad at ad-libbing (not that Kevin Smith would ever let him get away with it though).

Lesbian? Bargle flarin ragle, too unamused for even coherent sentences now. What a terrible rip-off.

[Mike]

I kind of hope they don't get together in the end. Because if she's supposed to be a full on lesbian, then how the hell would that work? She can't just decide "ok, I don't want to be a lesbian anymore and now I'll hook up with a guy." That sounds like a lame cop-out that only some mainstream hollywood movie like this would pull. If they get together, that would just be friggin' DUMB and unrealistic.

[Kimmy]

it can't be as bad as you guys say it is, OH NO IT CAN AND PROBABLY WILL :( to bad for them

[bob]

I think Ben Affleck's an alright actor, and he can be funny as hell when he wants, but hopefully he will stop making films with Jennifer Lopez. If they're married, in love, that's dynamite, but she has not delivered a good performance in a film in 5 years. And to every one out there now worried about Jersey Girl, don't. Having read tons of reviews and every story on it ever delivered to www.newsaskew.com and www.moviepoopshoot.com I can safely say that it will NOT be another Gigli.

[Mike]

Originally posted by bob
If they're married, in love, that's dynamite, but she has not delivered a good performance in a film in 5 years.

I may not really be a fan of her in real life or her music (although some of it, like Jenny From The Black has been catchy), I do like her as an actress. I personally think she gets quite a bit of shit as an actress from some people mainly because she's a singer, and she's successful. I think she gives solid performances in pretty much anything she does. I think my personaly favorite performance of hers is in Angel Eyes, but she was also very solid in Out Of Sight. She's even good and cute in movies like The Wedding Planner and Maid In Manhattan. I also liked her in Enough. I don't think I've witnessed a truly bad performance from her yet...

I'm not saying I'm right, it's all a matter of opinion, but I myself just don't see her as being an awful actress like quite a few do.

[MadsenOMC]

She's not an awful actress. She can be a great actress. She is wasting her talent. She is good in Selena and she is outstanding in Out of Sight, by far her best performance. She is sexy and smart and tough and just fantastic. But it's been downhill fast since Out of Sight. Maid in Manhattan and The Wedding Planner are harmless fluff, and they hardly give her a challenge. I think both are crap, but I suppose she does what is asked of her, which is next to nothing. Angels Eyes I liked for about an hour, but then it became typical Hollywood junk and the last 10 minutes are atrocious. She's OK, but not spectacular like Out of Sight. And Enough is just a horrible, awful, terrible, dreadful piece of crap. It trivializes such a serious issue. Her charatcer is a joke (Slim? Please) and Lopez is quite bad, but so is the material. Not all her fault. It'd be nice if she took a challenging role again, or something different, but that doesn't appear to be happening.

[Mike]

Originally posted by MadsenOMC
She's not an awful actress. She can be a great actress. She is wasting her talent. She is good in Selena and she is outstanding in Out of Sight, by far her best performance. She is sexy and smart and tough and just fantastic. But it's been downhill fast since Out of Sight. Maid in Manhattan and The Wedding Planner are harmless fluff, and they hardly give her a challenge. I think both are crap, but I suppose she does what is asked of her, which is next to nothing. Angels Eyes I liked for about an hour, but then it became typical Hollywood junk and the last 10 minutes are atrocious. She's OK, but not spectacular like Out of Sight. And Enough is just a horrible, awful, terrible, dreadful piece of crap. It trivializes such a serious issue. Her charatcer is a joke (Slim? Please) and Lopez is quite bad, but so is the material. Not all her fault. It'd be nice if she took a challenging role again, or something different, but that doesn't appear to be happening.

Yeah, it would be nice to see her take on something different and more challenging again, but at this rate I'm not sure if it will happen or not. I still like her in the movies she does, but she could do better, because she is a talented actress... And I agree about her character's name in Enough (Slim?! What were they thinking?).

[AgentSmith]

Ever since Jennifer Lopez involved herself in music, she has yet to make a good movie..

Poor Affleck... He use to make good movies but now he makes trash like this...

[Strider]

"Gigli" doesn't look very good. The premise sounds rather boring as well. The only things that would get me to see this film are the cameos by Al Pacino and Christopher Walken. But other than that, forget it, nothing else interests me.

And I do agree about Jennifer Lopez, she used to do pretty good movies before. But now, it's just been going downhill. She's a good actress and does have talent, but I wish she would stop wasting her time with films such as "The Wedding Planner", "Maid in Manhattan", and "Enough".

Strider

[thompsoncory]

I am excited for this movie. I love Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez and hopefully the movie will be a good time...HOPEFULLY...

[Scarface98.9]

Originally posted by Mike

After reading these reviews, this movie could end up being pretty laughable, but not because we're laughing with it, because we're laughing AT IT.
I think you may be giving it too much credit in the laugh department. Batman and Robin is a great movie to watch and laugh at, but when a movie seems to be so stupid and pain-inducing that it makes you wanna committ Hari-Kari midway thru, it all of the sudden doesn't seem very funny in any department

[bob]

Originally posted by Mike
I may not really be a fan of her in real life or her music (although some of it, like Jenny From The Black has been catchy), I do like her as an actress. I personally think she gets quite a bit of shit as an actress from some people mainly because she's a singer, and she's successful. I think she gives solid performances in pretty much anything she does. I think my personaly favorite performance of hers is in Angel Eyes, but she was also very solid in Out Of Sight. She's even good and cute in movies like The Wedding Planner and Maid In Manhattan. I also liked her in Enough. I don't think I've witnessed a truly bad performance from her yet...

I'm not saying I'm right, it's all a matter of opinion, but I myself just don't see her as being an awful actress like quite a few do.

I respect that, I really thought her performance in Out of Sight was fine (which she delivered 5 years ago....;) ), but I haven't liked her work since.

[moviefan80113]

thanks

[FeverDog420]

If you wanna name some piss-poor titles, all roads there begin with Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever...

[HM Murdock]

This movie looks and probably is crap/ Movies with real life couples never...EVER...sell. They end up being a chessy piece of shit...just like Gilli (which is also a crap name). Oooh, I hate J-Lo. :mad:

[badberry]

I hope this movie is the next From Justin to Kelly at the box office. Too bad it won't be :mad:

Although, I don't think it will be a hit either, by any stretch. Even the average movie-going public should be able to tell what shite this is. I mean, the trailer is SO BAD, it creates absolutely no interest whatesover in the movie. And yeah, you know its bad when they start marketing a five minute part by Al Pacino. It might do 'OK' first weekend, but will die quickly I'm sure.

And seriously, what kind of ego does Ben have that he's now played TWO characters that have 'converted' lesbians? Like wtf....

God this movie sounds dumb. That is all. :)

[MadsenOMC]

Apparently, the British press has seen it and they've started running reviews. The Sun says it's her worst movie yet and pretty terrible.

[Fisting Ackbar]

The trailer was absolutely terrible and unfunny. Fuck this

[MadsenOMC]

Sample dialogue from the movie (while J Lo and Ben are in bed together).

J Lo: It's turkey time.

Ben: What?

J Lo: C'mon. Gobble, gobble.

[Mike]

This is from Dark Horizons:

Gigli: The J-Lo/Affleck film has moved from a Wednesday to Friday release slot on August 1st. New clips are up at Cinemovies, whilst UK critics are already speaking out to The Sun

So now it's been moved again. I personally think it was a stupid move to push it back to Friday, because then it will be up against another R-Rated movie, American Wedding, which is pretty much going for the same audience. That was a dumb dumb move. Things would have been better if it would have gotten a head start on Wednesday.

[Ed]

personally, i couldn't care less when it will be released, either way i won't see it. and either way it looks like it'll make its budget back, it's gettin' alot of promotion... ugh

[SykkBoy]

rental

[badberry]

Originally posted by Ed
personally, i couldn't care less when it will be released, either way i won't see it. and either way it looks like it'll make its budget back, it's gettin' alot of promotion... ugh

Yeah, but the promotion is BAD. I'm hoping the public can see that....

I'd rather go see American Wedding 5 times than see this.

[blankpage]

Call me an idiot, but I think I'll check it out. I may not like it, but hey, I'll give it a chance.

[badberry]

Originally posted by blankpage
Call me an idiot, but I think I'll check it out.
Ok. Idiot. :p

I jest of course. But I won't touch this movie with a ten foot pole. It sounds even worse now that I read that they reshot the entire ending after a really bad test screening...

[Mike]

So far it's looking like this could be one of the very worst reviewed movies of the year. It has 6 ROTTEN and 0 FRESH reviews at Rotten Tomatoes.

Here's some quotes:

"Ben and J-Lo are no Tracy and Hepburn--they're more like the Sean Penn and Madonna of 'Shanghai Surprise.' And their movie is just as rotten as that one."
-- Frank Swietek, ONE GUY'S OPINION

"Gigli is so horrible I had to go cleanse my palate afterward by watching Glitter."
-- Danny Minton, KBTV-NBC (BEAUMONT, TX)

"Gigli is living proof that films require more than a deviation from the standard formula to be enjoyable."
-- Shaun Sages, MOVIE NAVIGATOR

"Howlers abound but like Paul Verhoeven's 'Showgirls' the picture is never dull."
-- Harvey S. Karten, COMPUSERVE

"Gigli pretends to be a sophisticated comedy of the sexes yet it’s written with the adolescent gusto of a fifty-year-old who’s finally discovered that a penis goes inside a vagina."
-- Ed Gonzalez, SLANT MAGAZINE

"Gigli attracts venom mostly for its cast: the mortal blunder of believing that either Affleck or Lopez has Brest's courage to look foolish, and nobility to fail with principle."
-- Walter Chaw, FILM FREAK CENTRAL


It might be bad, but I still doubt it would be boring. So even if it ended up sucking, it would probably be entertaining ;).

[movies35]

Boy, this baby is getting great reviews. ;)

I was really looking forward to this, but after all these really bad reviews, I doubt I'll be seeing it in theaters. And I might even have second thought on seeing it on DVD.

[PorcheRacer]

Looks TERRIBLE too me. Even the greatest actor of all time (Al Pacino) can't save this one. It looks predictable, unfunny and boring. It looks and sounds like a STV flick except with big actors. I really hope this movie bombs.

[badberry]

"Gigli pretends to be a sophisticated comedy of the sexes yet it’s written with the adolescent gusto of a fifty-year-old who’s finally discovered that a penis goes inside a vagina."
-- Ed Gonzalez, SLANT MAGAZINE


I laughed my ass off at that...

[The Other]

I've been hearing nothing but terrible reviews for this film. I will have to see what JoBlo and other schmoes have to say before I decide to give it a rental (that's all it's worth to me)...

[Inglorious]

As I have said before (I'll say it again), I am seeing this film. It doesn't look half as bad as what everyone is depicting it as, I don't always get along with what all of the other reviewers say anyway... look at The Life Of David Gale. I enjoyed that, we'll just have to wait and see until this Friday though huh?

[AgentSmith]

Another negative review:

'Gigli' offers some fine moments, but falls short
"GIGLI" **1/2

Written and directed by Martin Brest. Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bartha, Christopher Walken, Lenny Venito and Lainie Kazan. Running time: 124 minutes. Classified: R (for sexual content, pervasive language and brief strong violence).

By Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are in love and plan to get married, as you already know unless you are sealed off from all media, in which case you are not reading this review, so put it down. Because they are a famous couple, starring in a movie romance, we expect something conventional and predictable and that is not what we get from "Gigli." The movie tries to do something different, thoughtful, and a little daring with their relationship, and although it doesn't quite work, maybe the movie is worth seeing for some scenes that are really very good.
Consider the matching monologues. They've gotten into an argument over the necessity of the penis, which she, as a lesbian, feels is an inferior device for delivering sexual pleasure. He delivers an extended lecture on the use, necessity and perfect design of the appendage. It is a rather amazing speech, the sort of thing some moviegoers are probably going to want to memorize. Then she responds. She is backlit, dressed in skin-tight workout clothes, doing yoga, and she continues to stretch and extend and bend and pose as she responds with her speech in praise of the vagina. When she is finished, reader, the vagina has won, hands down. It is so rare to find dialogue of such originality and wit, so well written, that even though we know the exchange basically involves actors showing off, they do it so well we let them.
Affleck plays Larry Gigli, rhymes with "Geely," and one wonders, learning that they rejected several earlier titles for the movie, which ones could have been worse than this. He's an errand boy for a tough-talking Los Angeles mobster named Louis (Lenny Venito). Louis wants to do a favor for a New York mob boss, and orders Gigli to kidnap the mentally retarded brother of a federal prosecutor. Gigli does, walking out of a care facility with Brian (Justin Bartha), who has Rain Man's syndrome. He takes Brian home, there is a knock on the door, and he meets Ricki (Lopez), who is also a mob enforcer. Louis is taking no chances and has assigned both of them to guard the boy.
This is the setup for an obvious plot that the movie, written by director Martin Brest, wisely avoids. Instead of falling in love and psychically adopting Brian, or (alternate cliché) fighting all the time, Gigli and Ricki get to like each other very, very much, even though she makes it perfectly clear that she is a lesbian. So resolute is the movie in its idea of her character that she doesn't even cave in and have a conversion experience, which is what we're expecting, but remains a lesbian -- indeed, as a good lesbian, she should.
Their conversations take on a rather desperate quality, since Gigli feels lust and love, and she feels strong affection. What transpires between them, and whether they ever put their theories about genitalia through a field test, I will not reveal. Meanwhile, Brian behaves like a well-rehearsed Movie Retarded Person, does or doesn't do whatever the script requires, and conveniently disappears into his room when he is not needed.
Lopez and Affleck are sweet and appealing in their performances; the buzz said they didn't have chemistry, but the buzz was wrong. What they don't have is conviction. There is no way these two are killers for the mob. They don't have the disposition for it. And consider this: If you had kidnapped the highly recognizable Rain Man brother of a top federal prosecutor, would you drive him all over Los Angeles in a convertible with the top down and take him to restaurants and malls?
So the crime plot is completely unconvincing. It does, however, open the door for the movie's collection of inspired supporting performances. Christopher Walken, as a cop who knows Gigli, walks into his apartment and does five minutes of Walkenizing, and the audience eats up every second. Lainie Kazan, as Gigli's mother, sizes up Ricki instantly, likes her, learns she is a lesbian, chucks her under the chin and says, "But you've been with guys, right?" Then she talks about her own highly experimental youth, while solidifying her position as the ethnic mother of choice in modern American movies. And then toward the end the mob boss from New York arrives, and since he is not in the credits I will not spoil the surprise of his identity, but let me say that he makes the journey from extravagant dopiness to chilling intimidation faster and better than anyone else I can think of.
So the movie doesn't work. The ending especially doesn't work, and what's worse, it doesn't work for a long time, because it fails to work for minute after minute, and includes dialogue which is almost entirely unnecessary. But there is good stuff here. Affleck and Lopez create lovely characters, even if they're not the ones they're allegedly playing, and the supporting performances and a lot of the dialogue is wonderful. It's just that there's too much time between the good scenes. Too much repetitive dialogue. Too many soulful looks. Behavior we can't believe. I wonder what would happen if you sweated 15 minutes out of this movie. Maybe it would work. The materials are there.

[Ed]

let me tell ya... Ebert is a great writer :)

[MadsenOMC]

He used to be. Now he is sometimes, other times, not so much.

[Fisting Ackbar]

Originally posted by Ed
let me tell ya... Ebert is a great writer :)

A better writer than a filmcritic I must say.

Oh BTW, this movie has a 0% rating at Rotten Tomatoes (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Gigli-1124237/).

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[JCR]

Oh BTW, this movie has a 0% rating at Rotten Tomatoes.

It's up to 2% now. Some madman over at comingsoon.net liked it! (There's always someone isn't there.)

[dh1989]

I should be seeing Gigli this weekend. Would any schmoes be willing to pray for me?

[Fisting Ackbar]

Originally posted by JCR
It's up to 2% now. Some madman over at comingsoon.net liked it! (There's always someone isn't there.)

I loved Gigli! Julia Roberts and Richard Gere probably WISH they had this type of chemistry."
-- Chuck the Movieguy, COMINGSOON.NET

That quote should prevent us from ever taking that Movieguy serious again.

I'm curious how much he was paid to say that

I should be seeing Gigli this weekend. Would any schmoes be willing to pray for me?

I'm not much of a religious person, but I'll light a candle if you like.

[Addi88]

Check out what Laine Ewen from Premiere Magazine said about Gigli. I laughed so friggen hard.:D

"Gigli rhymes with "really." As in "really bad," or "really offensive," or "really wish I’d remembered my gun so I could just shoot myself now and end the misery."

This movie sounds like its going to win worst picture or at least be nominated for it.

[JCR]

"I should be seeing Gigli this weekend. Would any schmoes be willing to pray for me?"


OK sure I will dh1989. But to quote www.aintitcool.com :

"There would be no justice if Gigli is a hit, while films of quality that should be seen are struggling to find an audience. Give your weekend box office money to Seabicuit, Buffalo Soldiers, Dirty Pretty Things, Swimming Pool, 28 Days Later, or Whale Rider. If you must, then go and see Pirates of The Caribbean for the 3rd or 4th time. I haven't seen it yet, and I probably won't, but American Wedding has to be far superior to Gigli. Hell, stay at home and rent a film called May on DVD. But please, for the love of humanity, pass this on, and stay far, far away from Gigli."

I mean, I don't want to tell you what to do dh1989, but surely you could find something better to watch this weekend?

[dh1989]

Originally posted by Addi88
This movie sounds like its going to win worst picture or at least be nominated for it.

I think it's a shoo-in for a nomination, but I have this gut feeling that they'll give that "honor" to The Real Cancun.

Oh, and 'Fisting Ackbar,' light two. ;)

Oh, and (x2) 'JCR,' I am seeing this because Ben Affleck and Chris Walken are on my top ten of actors, and I try and support everything they're in.

[JCR]

Oh, and (x2) 'JCR,' I am seeing this because Ben Affleck and Chris Walken are on my top ten of actors, and I try and support everything they're in.

Oh fine. Good luck with that- you may need it. ;)

[Fisting Ackbar]

Originally posted by dh1989
Oh, and 'Fisting Ackbar,' light two. ;)


http://www.day-without-rain.org/sandee/archives/2-Candles.JPG

[Freeway]

I too will be seeing this movie tomorrow because I'm curious to see just how bad it really is. Curiosity killed the cat, so to speak. It very well might be terrible but oh well.

[dh1989]

Perhaps the negative reviews are a plus. Everyone will follow 'Freeway''s logic, and this'll make 200+ million, and we'll have The Return of Gigli in 2005.

[Freeway]

Originally posted by dh1989
Perhaps the negative reviews are a plus. Everyone will follow 'Freeway''s logic, and this'll make 200+ million, and we'll have The Return of Gigli in 2005.

Coming 2008: Rigli: Gigli's secret evil twin starring Casey Affleck, Ben Affleck's brother, whose character is a pyschiatrist with a special cameo by Robert De Niro as a mafia member who desperately needs counseling.

[Jon Lyrik]

I'm leading a boycott against the movie. Join me cult here! :p (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=58987)

[pod2010]

http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/columbia_pictures/gigli/ben_affleck/gigli2.jpg

I went to see this movie with a friend today, because we made a deal last week; If he saw seabiscuit with me, i would see Gigli with him. Needlesstosay, i went into this movie with very low expectations, and guess what, this movie suprised the fuck out of me. It was actually a pretty good movie, Affleck nailed the part of Larry Gigli, very good performance. Jennifer Lopez was alright and carried her weight well. All in all, it was one of the best movies to come out this year, 8.5/10

P.S. - Bite Me, I Liked It :-)

http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/columbia_pictures/gigli/_group_photos/ben_affleck2.jpg

[Invincible]

Originally posted by Fisting Ackbar
A better writer than a filmcritic I must say.

Oh BTW, this movie has a 0% rating at Rotten Tomatoes (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Gigli-1124237/).

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh man, that is p[retty low 5% now, but all I see is green leaves, lol

[optimus1]

Does Afleck wear a damn wig? My cousin seen this movie tonite and said it was real slow..she is a huge J-LO fan..thats the first question she asked tonite when she got home , I think he does as his hair looks weird to me :)

[dh1989]

http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0299930/133-23A_R.jpg

Plot: “Larry Gigli, a low-level hood, is given a high-level assignment to kidnap Brian, the psychologically challenged younger brother of a powerful federal prosecutor to help save a mob boss from going to prison. Hiding out in his one-bedroom apartment with Brian, Gigli is shocked when Ricki, a gorgeous, free-spirited female lesbian enforcer is sent to assist him because his boss thinks he’s likely to screw up.

And from that moment on, Gigli’s world is turned upside down. Gigli finds himself falling in love with the unavailable Ricki and goes to extreme lengths to win her affection. The more she resists, the stronger the attraction becomes. By letting their feelings get in the way of business, Gigli and Ricki set in motion an unlikely chain of events that just could endanger their plans for a long-term relationship – and their lives!”

If you've visited one movie site in the last few weeks, chances are you've heard the notoriety surrounding the release of Martin Brest's latest picture, the crime dramedy Gigli, starring the hot Hollywood couple, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Despite the press swarming over the couple, this film was recieving AWFUL revies, some going as far as calling it "the worst film ever made." Movie buffs, without even seeing it, were hailing this movie as pure shit, but, personally, I may be among a lone few who will say this, but, I loved Gigli. I loved it's quirky characters, violent nature, out-of-this-milk-way sex jokes, and whatever else you expect to see it a film based on the bastard child of a 16-year old's mind, a comic-book, acid, and crime stories, mainly involving gangsters.

Ben Affleck snaps, crackles, and pops as Gigli, a low-life crook who's got on a lot on his shoulders. This is a performance that pays homage to everyone, from Fred Astaire, to Robert De Niro, and you must commend Affleck for being willing to make a fool out of himself, playing a lovable, but dim-witted hood. Affleck seems really "into it" and is obviously trying his best to convey a strong character that makes you laugh, yell, and possibly cry. He was successful, in my opinion.

Jennifer Lopez is an actress who gets WAY too much flak on these boards. She may not be the 2nd coming of Bette Davis, but she's got a lot of talent, and usually turns in a pleasing performance, and it's no different here. While her character may be a sour spot in the film, Lopez is still adorable and intriuging in the role.

Justin Bartha is amazing as Brian, a brother to a federal prosecutor and young man who is also mentally handicapped. Bartha is, dare I say it, almost as good as Dustin Hoffman was in Rain Man, if not better. He employs a use of ticks, movements, voice style, and the like to create fully-believable character.

Martin Brest, sadly, blandly directs this film in terms of style. It's not stylish at all, but, thankfully, he makes up for that in terms of pacing. This movie is one NO ONE should call boring. It moves at a fast pace, and managed to keep a smile on my face all the way through. Brest also serves as the screenwriter, and does a commedable job in that department as well, but I could've done without the "I gladly call it my pussy" monolouge, which went on far too long, and was not THAT interesting.

Overall, I don't understand the hatred directed toward this film. It's funny, and has kick-ass performances from Pacino, Walken, Affleck, and, especially, Bartha, that should please audiences with it's offbeat, yet heart-warming outlook, and it's non-stop set of classic laughs. I loved it. HIGHLY recommended!

8/10

[Mike]

Originally posted by AgentSmith
Another negative review:

'Gigli' offers some fine moments, but falls short
"GIGLI" **1/2

Written and directed by Martin Brest. Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bartha, Christopher Walken, Lenny Venito and Lainie Kazan. Running time: 124 minutes. Classified: R (for sexual content, pervasive language and brief strong violence).

By Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are in love and plan to get married, as you already know unless you are sealed off from all media, in which case you are not reading this review, so put it down. Because they are a famous couple, starring in a movie romance, we expect something conventional and predictable and that is not what we get from "Gigli." The movie tries to do something different, thoughtful, and a little daring with their relationship, and although it doesn't quite work, maybe the movie is worth seeing for some scenes that are really very good.
Consider the matching monologues. They've gotten into an argument over the necessity of the penis, which she, as a lesbian, feels is an inferior device for delivering sexual pleasure. He delivers an extended lecture on the use, necessity and perfect design of the appendage. It is a rather amazing speech, the sort of thing some moviegoers are probably going to want to memorize. Then she responds. She is backlit, dressed in skin-tight workout clothes, doing yoga, and she continues to stretch and extend and bend and pose as she responds with her speech in praise of the vagina. When she is finished, reader, the vagina has won, hands down. It is so rare to find dialogue of such originality and wit, so well written, that even though we know the exchange basically involves actors showing off, they do it so well we let them.
Affleck plays Larry Gigli, rhymes with "Geely," and one wonders, learning that they rejected several earlier titles for the movie, which ones could have been worse than this. He's an errand boy for a tough-talking Los Angeles mobster named Louis (Lenny Venito). Louis wants to do a favor for a New York mob boss, and orders Gigli to kidnap the mentally retarded brother of a federal prosecutor. Gigli does, walking out of a care facility with Brian (Justin Bartha), who has Rain Man's syndrome. He takes Brian home, there is a knock on the door, and he meets Ricki (Lopez), who is also a mob enforcer. Louis is taking no chances and has assigned both of them to guard the boy.
This is the setup for an obvious plot that the movie, written by director Martin Brest, wisely avoids. Instead of falling in love and psychically adopting Brian, or (alternate cliché) fighting all the time, Gigli and Ricki get to like each other very, very much, even though she makes it perfectly clear that she is a lesbian. So resolute is the movie in its idea of her character that she doesn't even cave in and have a conversion experience, which is what we're expecting, but remains a lesbian -- indeed, as a good lesbian, she should.
Their conversations take on a rather desperate quality, since Gigli feels lust and love, and she feels strong affection. What transpires between them, and whether they ever put their theories about genitalia through a field test, I will not reveal. Meanwhile, Brian behaves like a well-rehearsed Movie Retarded Person, does or doesn't do whatever the script requires, and conveniently disappears into his room when he is not needed.
Lopez and Affleck are sweet and appealing in their performances; the buzz said they didn't have chemistry, but the buzz was wrong. What they don't have is conviction. There is no way these two are killers for the mob. They don't have the disposition for it. And consider this: If you had kidnapped the highly recognizable Rain Man brother of a top federal prosecutor, would you drive him all over Los Angeles in a convertible with the top down and take him to restaurants and malls?
So the crime plot is completely unconvincing. It does, however, open the door for the movie's collection of inspired supporting performances. Christopher Walken, as a cop who knows Gigli, walks into his apartment and does five minutes of Walkenizing, and the audience eats up every second. Lainie Kazan, as Gigli's mother, sizes up Ricki instantly, likes her, learns she is a lesbian, chucks her under the chin and says, "But you've been with guys, right?" Then she talks about her own highly experimental youth, while solidifying her position as the ethnic mother of choice in modern American movies. And then toward the end the mob boss from New York arrives, and since he is not in the credits I will not spoil the surprise of his identity, but let me say that he makes the journey from extravagant dopiness to chilling intimidation faster and better than anyone else I can think of.
So the movie doesn't work. The ending especially doesn't work, and what's worse, it doesn't work for a long time, because it fails to work for minute after minute, and includes dialogue which is almost entirely unnecessary. But there is good stuff here. Affleck and Lopez create lovely characters, even if they're not the ones they're allegedly playing, and the supporting performances and a lot of the dialogue is wonderful. It's just that there's too much time between the good scenes. Too much repetitive dialogue. Too many soulful looks. Behavior we can't believe. I wonder what would happen if you sweated 15 minutes out of this movie. Maybe it would work. The materials are there.


I enjoyed Ebert's very nice review... I was expecting Lopez's character to end up giving in and becoming straight because that's what most mainstream audiences would want to see, but thankfully, it doesn't sound like that happens. That would have been incredibly unrealistic and a major cop-out. It's nice to know the filmmakers had enough common sense.


I highly highly highly highly doubt this film is THAT horrible. There's just no fucking way. And "the worst movie EVER?" Bullshit!!! Even if it sucks, there's just no way it's the worst movie ever. Some people just say this whenever a new movie comes out that sucks. Most of the movies that get this reputation aren't even THAT horrible. I haven't seen Glitter, but there's just no way that movie is as downright HORRIBLE as everyone says. I'm sure the same goes for Gigli, although Gigli looks quite a bit better.

I'll still see this. Most likely on video though, since it's not playing around here and I can't picture it expanding when there's other bigger movies out and coming out. This one should make a pretty quick exit from theaters. I will definitely see it on video though. It seems obvious to me this movie is just getting too much shit than it deserves. Even if it's BAD, I just can't picture it coming close to as downright atrocious as some are describing it.

[Negrotigre]

No way in hell would I see this movie, ever! J-ho is the most pre-fabricated "star" in modern history. I've yet to see an even decent performance from her acting wise, and worst than that is her acting is better than her singing. She has no talent, just a big fat butt, that I don't mind looking at! Ben, he's not much better, he's been in some of the worst movies of all time--Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, and now this piece of trash, Gigli. Just look at the commercial, it consist of ben trying to recoup his confidence while getting punked and castrated by some tough chick, who happens to be a lesbian, a fact they omit from the preview. Who thought this was a good idea? How'd this earn a green light? When's the criminal preceedings begin, to try whomever signed off on this idea? This movie will go down quicker than J-ho on a casting couch.

Negro, OUT!

[MadsenOMC]

SPOILERS
dh, I can't believe you liked this. Where do I start? My friend and I snuck in after paying to see the lame American Wedding. I was ready to like it and tell everyjone that it's better than American Wedding. Not the case. First of all, the writing is terrible. The long monologues are just awful. Not one second of the movie is believable. Ben and J-Lo are both completely unconvincing in their roles. J-Lo is stunned when they are asked to perform an act of violence on the kid they kidnapped. But that makes no sense. She's a hitwoman (apparently; we never see her do anything) who has been hired to watch the kidnapped brother of a federal prosecutor on behalf of a gangster. And the whole movie is like this. No logic anywhere. Ben drives with his top open after he kidnaps the kid. He leaves the door to his place open after someone storms in. The acting is also terrible. Ben is the least annoying. His accent is bad and his character is poorly written, but he's OK. J-Lo gives one of the worst lead female performances ever. Granted she has nothing to work with. But the character is so incredibly illogical. All her pseudo New Age garbage. Her lesbianism which miraculously goes away. There is absolutely no reason she would want to sleep with Ben. No way. It is a terrible performance. And the kid is the worst of the bunch. What's wrong with him? First he has Tourette's, but he always talks exactly like Rain Man. Clearly he watched that one 100 times before playing the role. And is him rapping supposed to be hilarious? Or saying fuck? It's one of the worst characters in movie history. He has whatever condition the movie needs him to have. I still can't believe how terrible this movie is. And everyone in it. Walken and Pacino are terrible too. And Pacino is my favorite actor. But he is so hammy and stupid. And the ending is such Hollywood crap. It drags on and on and on and it feels like it will never end. And you're just praying it will be over with already. And finally it does, after they ride off into the sunset. Oh, the music and cinematography are also awful. It is an ugly movie to look at. I can't believe there are people who liked this. I reallly can't believe it. It is so beyond awful. How on earth could anyone like this? Did I mention it's bad? This movie is so horribly bad. I just can't believe anyone likes it.

0/10

[dh1989]

Originally posted by Negrotigre
No way in hell would I see this movie, ever! --- This piece of trash, Gigli.

So, it's already begun.

Sadly, Gigli is a film that everyone will make fun of for the years to come, calling it one of the worst films ever made, even, without ever seeing it. :(

[dh1989]

Originally posted by MadsenOMC
SPOILERS
First he has Tourette's, but he always talks exactly like Rain Man.

That is easily explained. The young man suffers from autistic disorder (Which is why he "talks like Raymond from Rain Man") and Tourette Syndrome. Neither are very common, but a single person COULD suffer from both, and it isn't outside of the realm of possibility.

[Mike]

Originally posted by Negrotigre
and now this piece of trash, Gigli.

You don't even KNOW that for sure. You haven't seen it, so you can't just call it a piece of trash, like you KNOW for a FACT that it is. Whatever though, this will be one of those movies that EVERYONE makes fun of and calls horrible without seeing.

[Sad man]

Originally posted by Mike
Whatever though, this will be one of those movies that EVERYONE makes fun of and calls horrible without seeing.

Because it probably is ;)
Seriously, I always try to see the good side of a movie. And I also try to never say: I'LL NEVER SEE THIS. But this movie looks so...bad. I might rent it when it gets on video and dvd, but I'll definitely won't be seeing this at theaters. Maybe I'm wrong and this movie is not that bad after all, but I hate both Affleck and Lopez, the plot is lame, and the reviews make it look even worse. I don't know what to think about dh's review, because we have very different taste, so I might end up hating it after all. Or I might like it. Who knows? I'll wait until it gets released here, that should be in a couple of months...so until then I'll look at this movie with disgrace :D

[ilovemovies]

Here is James Berardinelli's * * review of Gigli:

I saw Gigli for much the same reason that a good portion of the movie's eventual audience will see it. Jen and Ben? No. Morbid curiosity? Yes. After all, it had become fashionable to rip Gigli. The advance word on this film was so vicious that I had to see for myself if it's as bad as its early reputation suggested. The verdict: Gigli doesn't live up to (or should that be down to?) its hype. The worst film of all time? Give me a break. Gigli isn't even the worst film of the summer, and won't come close to the year's Bottom 10 list. I'm not going to defend the movie. I don't recommend it and, for the most part, it's an example of inept filmmaking, but it is watchable. I have to wonder if those who are coming down so hard on the motion picture have a secondary agenda. Are they reviewing Gigli, or are they making a comment on the tabloid supersaturation associated with the Jen & Ben show? (As a side note, I am unable to determine why anyone but their friends and family care what's going on with these two. What difference does it make to your life?)

Admittedly, the plot is nothing short of idiotic. Larry (Affleck) and Ricki (Lopez) are two Los Angeles enforcers on the payroll of gangster Louis (Lenny Vito), who is trying to do a favor for Starkman (Al Pacino), a New York City mob boss currently up on a string of criminal charges. To that end, Louis commands Larry and Ricki to abduct the mentally handicapped brother of a federal prosecutor, assuming that will give Starkman leverage. After nabbing Brian (Justin Bartha) from a care facility, Larry brings him to his apartment. Shortly thereafter, Ricki shows up and informs Larry that he's stuck with her until the mission is over. So, for the next several days, they hang around keeping a mistrustful eye on each other, arguing, and waiting for Louis to call with additional instructions. When Larry tries to put the movies on Ricki, he discovers that he's not her ideal partner - she's a lesbian.

Ben Affleck, who does his best work in "average guy" parts, is in over his head, giving a performance that is as uneven as his accent. His attempts to portray macho, chauvinistic Larry come across as cartoonish. Fortunately, however, Affleck does exhibit some chemistry with his co-star. It doesn't burn up the screen, but it is there, simmering beneath the surface. For Lopez, this does not represent a return to the kind of top-notch acting she showed in movies like Selena and Out of Sight, but it's a vast improvement over her one-dimensional turn in Enough. Justin Bartha has the unenviable part of playing a walking plot device - the retarded character who's on hand to alternately provide comic relief and fake sentiment. Al Pacino and Christopher Walken have one-scene appearances that allow them to do what they do best. For Walken, that's to act weird, and for Pacino, that's to shout a lot, almost to the point of foaming at the mouth.

Some of the dialogue is astonishingly awful. Sex and relationships are constantly likened to animal interaction. When Ricki wants some action, she purrs, "It's turkey time." Then, when Larry doesn't get it, she adds, "Gobble, gobble." He, on the other hand, assures her that "in every relationship, there's a bull and a cow." Later, to prove his point, he moos. Yet, as bad as this material is, there is a wonderfully inventive conversation in which Ricki and Larry advocate the superiority of their sex organs. For him, it's all about the penis. For her, it's the vagina monologues. And this dialogue, which occurs while Lopez is clad in spandex shorts doing yoga, is a real winner.

Gigli is kind of like that - rare worthwhile scenes buried under tons of garbage. Director Martin Brest doesn't understand the meaning of the word brevity. Gigli could easily have been 30 minutes shorter. Although Brest doesn't have his characters pause as painfully often as they did in Meet Joe Black, conversations and scenes frequently last too long. Maybe the problem is that Brest needs a better editor. And, at least in this case, a better plot.

Brest has made a romantic comedy. Although there are plenty of unintentional laughs, some of the deliberate humor also works. The romantic element of the movie is bound to cause some controversy, since Gigli fulfills the male fantasy of the guy winning over the lesbian. However, the movie makes it plain that Ricki isn't really a lesbian, but a bisexual who is fed up with men. And, besides, Ben Affleck has been in this situation before. Anyone remember Chasing Amy?

Some reviewers have complained about the levels of gore and profanity in Gigli. Careful examination, however, will reveal that movies like Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction contain far more instances of the f-word and a lot more brain splatter than can be found here. Such comments seem like red herrings from those who are looking for more ammunition to lob at Gigli. This isn't a good film, but, when set alongside the likes of Dumb and Dumberer and Legally Blonde 2, Jen & Ben offer less pain.

[Scarface98.9]

Originally posted by dh1989

Bartha is, dare I say it, almost as good as Dustin Hoffman was in Rain Man, if not better.

This is how I know I'll hate this movie. Dustin Hoffman portrayed the definite retard, and there's no way, for my money, a plot device from a Bennifer movie can possibly come anywhere close to Hoffman's performance

[PorcheRacer]

Originally posted by Scarface98.9
This is how I know I'll hate this movie. Dustin Hoffman portrayed the definite retard, and there's no way, for my money, a plot device from a Bennifer movie can possibly come anywhere close to Hoffman's performance

I agree 100%.

[Fisting Ackbar]

I also can't imagine how hard it must be to play a retard...

[Freeway]

Originally posted by Scarface98.9
This is how I know I'll hate this movie. Dustin Hoffman portrayed the definite retard, and there's no way, for my money, a plot device from a Bennifer movie can possibly come anywhere close to Hoffman's performance

This film is complete crap. Not the worst film ever, no. It's still pretty bad though. The worst film of the year thus far. I don't know how much dh was paid or what he was thinking when he saw this movie but it definitely doesn't deserve 8/10.

My Full Review:
A hitman (Ben Affleck) is teamed with a female gangster (Jennifer Lopez) against his will to kidnap the mentally disabled brother of a federal prosecutor in this attempt at a romantic comedy with bite directed by Martin Brest (The Scent of a Woman). The much talked about recent engagement of Affleck and Lopez has had this film getting more press lately than it really deserves. They reportedly met during the filming of Gigli, so that adds to the press. The resulting film is a complete mess of a film, to say the least.

The success of the film is anchored by whether the two leads have good chemistry together, which they do not. They are completely wooden in their performances as Lopez and Affleck seem to slumming their way through the entire film as if they were held at gunpoint and forced to do the film and would rather be anywhere else. Lopez seems to be half asleep throughout the film, slurring her words and talking in a very slow manner that makes her scenes drag even more than the rest of the film since she can’t seem to get her point across in a concise period of time. Affleck doesn’t fare much better although he shows flashes of charisma that unfortunately don’t last more than a few moments at a time. Only the one-scene cameos of such people as Al Pacino and Christopher Walken show any sort of fire because they are such talented performers that even the worst material is elevated in their presence.

The script by Brest is full of swear words which seem to suggest just how desperate he was to spice up the bland storyline. Very little background is given to any of the characters so that their fates don’t matter to us. Brest also directs with a heavy hand that causes the film to drag much more than a supposedly light-hearted film would like to. The film is edited with a chainsaw as if there was a last ditch attempt to repair what is essentially irreparable.

Overall, Gigli is a giant misfire of a film by all involved. It is stunningly bad at times that you almost feel sorry for those who are stuck acting in the film but then you remember that they originally accepted the sentence of death by appearing in this miscalculation in the first place. Gigli is easily the worst film of the year thus far and it’ll take a miracle for any film to surpass it in sheer awfulness.

3/10

[MadsenOMC]

dh, I'm not saying he couldn't have both. But it's not consistent. The Tourette's basically disappears in the second half of the movie. If they need laughs, he's funny. If they need tears, he's sweet and lovable. It changes constantly. He's not a real person. Not even close. He's the type that only exists in the movies. And if you want to see a good performance, check out Leo in What's Eating Gilbert Grape. That is some seriously good acting. This Bartha kid is just doing a painfully bad Rain Man imitation. It's a terribly written character and Bartha equals it with a terrible performance. In no possible way is he good. I know, I know. Everyone can have their own opinion and there is no right or wrong. But in my opinion, there is no way that kid gives a good performance. It's fact that his performance is awful.

[movies35]

Originally posted by Freeway
I don't know how much dh was paid or what he was thinking when he saw this movie but it definitely doesn't deserve 8/10.



Freeway, why are you always like this? If someone likes a movie, good for them, people have different tastes. It would be really dull if we didn't. Don't be putting people down just because they like a movie you don't. :rolleyes:

[MadsenOMC]

I'm with Freeway on this one. Only a family member or someone who was paid off could find anything to like in this massive piece of shit.

[dh1989]

Well, since I am not related to anyone involved with this film, and don't have a check in my hand from Joe Roth, I guess I'm just the fucking message board idiot who liked Gigli? That right, 'Freeway' and 'MadsenOMC?'

Also, if this is all "humor," please contact a comedian to see if you can buy some new material.

[MadsenOMC]

Um, no comment. You said it, not me.

[dh1989]

Originally posted by MadsenOMC
Um, no comment. You said it, not me.

'MadsenOMC,' I am just quite curious about something. If I don't fall under either of the two criterias you provided, yet I still loved Gigli, what does that make me? I feel it's a legit. question.

[MadsenOMC]

It is a legit question, and I'd love to answer it. But it would get me banned from here, so I'll respectfully decline. Use your imagination.

[movies35]

Originally posted by dh1989
Well, since I am not related to anyone involved with this film, and don't have a check in my hand from Joe Roth, I guess I'm just the fucking message board idiot who liked Gigli? That right, 'Freeway' and 'MadsenOMC?'

Also, if this is all "humor," please contact a comedian to see if you can buy some new material.

This is really none of my buisness, but I am serious, MadsenOMC and Freeway, why do you need to act like such morons on the boards? Honostly, is it so bad to have an opinion? Really, if you're basicly insulting him just because he has an opinion! But Freeway, god forbid someone says something about your precious Terminator, you bitch till NO end. So really, don't be talking about someone just because they have a little bit of taste. :rolleyes:

[MadsenOMC]

I am honestly dumbfounded by someone liking Gigli. And I make no apologies for it. It's nice that you come to dh's defense, but he can handle himself. No one directed anything towards you, so you should mind your own business. Also, I didn't call dh any names. Didn't call him a moron. So by resorting to name calling, what does that make you? I'm sure you can figure it out. Or ask someone for help.

[movies35]

Originally posted by MadsenOMC
I am honestly dumbfounded by someone liking Gigli. And I make no apologies for it. It's nice that you come to dh's defense, but he can handle himself. No one directed anything towards you, so you should mind your own business. Also, I didn't call dh any names. Didn't call him a moron. So by resorting to name calling, what does that make you? I'm sure you can figure it out. Or ask someone for help.

1.) I never called you a moron. I said you act like a moron on the boards.

2.) I can butt in if I want to. You are talking about this on the boards, making it everyone's buisness. If it was JUST you're guy's buisness, you should use a PM. By the way, if you don't know what a PM is it's a private message. But you wouldn't know that, because you always bring shit on the boards.

3.) Don't even tell me to mind my buisness, unless I am butting into something personal.

4.) I am dumbfounded because you are dumbfounded because you are bashing someone because they have taste. :rolleyes:

[FeverDog420]

Originally posted by movies35
4.) I am dumbfounded because you are dumbfounded because you are bashing someone because they have taste.

I think he was bashing someone because they don't have taste.

[RickySlade]

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

IT'S A MOVIE BOARD NOT A FUCKING ARGUE WITH EVERYONE ABOUT THEIR OPINION BOARD. LEAVE IT ALONE, IF YOU DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE PM THEM, JESUS CHRIST.

[FeverDog420]

Not only is your post atrociously punctuated, it's also incredibly rude. And the CAPs thing is an eyesore.

[Sad man]

Originally posted by FeverDog420
I think he was bashing someone because they don't have taste.


Ahahahahahahah! ;)

Seriously, what's the big deal? dh liked the movie, you guys didn't, so?, who cares?, you don't have to be so rude...

[Strider]

Originally posted by RickySlade
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

IT'S A MOVIE BOARD NOT A FUCKING ARGUE WITH EVERYONE ABOUT THEIR OPINION BOARD. LEAVE IT ALONE, IF YOU DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE PM THEM, JESUS CHRIST.

Fuckin' A! Thank you, Slade, for saying something that I've always been wanting to say myself. This current forum seems to be leaving me very jaded nowdays because it seems like every single current thread is filled with these cliched "it's my opinion, not yours", "your opinion is wrong", "mine opinion is right", and "opinions are opinions" arguements. And each of these arguements always lead to pointless conclusions. Not to mention that it turns people like myself off from discussing or responding in these kinds of threads.

Why can't we all agree with the saying, "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one", and just move on? Sheesh.

To each his own, people, to each his own!!!

Strider

[MadsenOMC]

I don't need anyone's permission to argue with dh about a movie. If he wants to stop arguing with me, that's his choice. But I can argue with whoever I want, whenever I want. If you don't like it, that's too bad. But I think most people would agree that if you feel passionate about something, you want to share it. And most people here are passionate about movies, including me. Whether I love or hate a movie, I want to talk about it. Or argue about it. In the case of Gigli, I loathed it and dh liked it. So I shared my thoughts. I'm not going to stop doing that.

[movies35]

This really isn't going to get smashed into your thick skull. So I'm just going to stop fighting about this. I told you what I think, and I'm staying with that. I think it's bull with what you're doing to dh, but thats just me.

[movies35]

Originally posted by RickySlade
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

IT'S A MOVIE BOARD NOT A FUCKING ARGUE WITH EVERYONE ABOUT THEIR OPINION BOARD. LEAVE IT ALONE, IF YOU DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE PM THEM, JESUS CHRIST.

Yeah, that was a little rude. The least you could do is not do that in all CAPS.

[Nate6]

Alright kids, let's play nice...

I haven't seen the movie, I ABSOLUTELY NEVER want to, so I have no fucking idea what I'm even doing here.

[Freeway]

Originally posted by movies35
Freeway, why are you always like this? If someone likes a movie, good for them, people have different tastes. It would be really dull if we didn't. Don't be putting people down just because they like a movie you don't. :rolleyes:

You obviously missed the sarcasm which should have been evident with the only someone being paid line which is always sarcastic when critics use it.:rolleyes:

[Nate6]

I think that the problem here is that no one is actually debating the movie, instead it's becoming about personal attacks, thrown insults, etc.

If people want to debate dh about why he gave it an 8/10, why shouldn't they be allowed to? That's what this board is about, discussing film. However, no one needs to start questioning whether or not he was bribed, that's just silly. He liked the film. Instead of screaming at him about it, let him explain it and let's have discussion!

And another thing, this kind of ego-heaving, insult-laden, sarcastic "debate" has been going on far too much lately, in my opinion. Maybe we should sponsor a day-long seminar on sanely debating film. I'll bring the donuts, eh?

[Freeway]

Originally posted by Nate6
I think that the problem here is that no one is actually debating the movie, instead it's becoming about personal attacks, thrown insults, etc.

If people want to debate dh about why he gave it an 8/10, why shouldn't they be allowed to? That's what this board is about, discussing film. However, no one needs to start questioning whether or not he was bribed, that's just silly. He liked the film. Instead of screaming at him about it, let him explain it and let's have discussion!

And another thing, this kind of ego-heaving, insult-laden, sarcastic "debate" has been going on far too much lately, in my opinion. Maybe we should sponsor a day-long seminar on sanely debating film. I'll bring the donuts, eh?

My quote was supposed to be sarcastic so I'm just saying that movies needn't get so uptight about it.

[Strider]

Originally posted by Nate6
I think that the problem here is that no one is actually debating the movie, instead it's becoming about personal attacks, thrown insults, etc.

Exactly, Nate! This is exactly what's happeing here, and what has happened in many other threads in this current forum. If someone starts discussing, debating, arguing about a certain film, it seems like the film eventually ends taking a far "second place" (if you will) to those heated "opinions" arguements.

Strider

[dh1989]

I feel quite sad that my review of this film, Gigli, has caused many respectable and kind schmoes to be embroiled in this sizable argument, and I suppose it could've all been avoided if I had kept my opinion to myself, but I didn't, so there's nothing I can do about it now, sadly, but I will say, even if I could've avoided this slightly off-topic brawl, I stand by my original critique of the film. Martin Brest's (Midnight Run) Gigli is a breath of fresh air for the stale and dying genre entitled 'the romantic comedy.' It's quite violent in terms of actual gore (even brain matter has a cameo) and discussed gore (including a monolouge about gouging a punk's eyes out), but it still manages to be sweet and hilarious. The characters are easily the best thing about this film, because, though they may be in a familiar film situation, they manage to be original, fresh, funny, and intriuging, especially the Austim-suffering young man, whose light-hearted and honest antics brought a smile to my face from his first scene to his final shot. The screenwriting is also quite fresh, with a perfect use of monolouges, drama, thrills, and comedy, always managing to be a fine-tuned mix of the many genre aspects I previously mentioned. I also must note the work from Mr. Christopher Walken, who hams it up to an unbelievable level, complete with a fast-talking, 'bad cop' rant, to his trademark, to me at least, calculating whisper in the ear. His appearance recieved a great reaction from the small (too small... :( over the box office!) audience, and two people even applauded him. Also, I loved how, even though J. Lo was in this, there are no "pop songs" that I can remember. Overall, I just loved this movie. It's a memorable, fast-paced, and fun ride, and I'm sorry if this offends people. I'm not connected to the production. I have not been payed to give it a thumbs-up review. The simple fact is, Gigli is a great movie.

[MadsenOMC]

dh, what makes you think the autistic antics are honest? I would argue the exact opposite. Or is it not ok to ask that question? Will I be lambasted for it? It is in regard to the movie so I hope no one has a problem with it.

[dh1989]

Originally posted by MadsenOMC
dh, what makes you think the autistic antics are honest?

I was trying to use the word "honest" for 2 reasons.

01. Post-viewing of Gigli, I've been reading articles detailing those who suffer from Austism, and their actions, outlooks, common quirks they have, etc., and this film seems to be quite realistic in that way, even if the Tourette Syndrome aspect is toned down for the 2nd part, which I noticed, but it didn't annoy me.

02. I was also trying to use the word "honest" in a way that makes no sense, but I couldn't find the true word I was searching for, so I used "honest." I was searching for a word to convey the sweetness of the humour involving the autistic man, and the fact that they never put him into forced situations, i.e. a dirty bathroom, a strip club, etc., which I feel a lesser filmmaker may have done. And I also admired a few of his sub-plots, mainly his *** MILD SPOILERS! *** obsession with the voice of the foreign woman who gives weather reports for the land Down Under.

[MadsenOMC]

SPOILERS

I would say that having him find a shoot for a rap video and talk to a beautiful girl is about as forced as it can get. And I didn't buy his performance for a second. Seems to me he's how an autistic person acts in Hollywood movies and not in reality. When they need comic relief, he swore a lot or started rapping. When they needed tears, he would be sweet and innocent. When he wasn't needed at all, he's miraculously stay off to the side or wherever he was until he was needed again. A person like him would have to be watched at all times, no exceptions. But he went away like magic when they needed him to.

[Scarface98.9]

*Starts crying*

Can't we all just get along? :(

[Reverse Cowgirl]

Surprisingly Gigli recieved a positive review from Cinecon. I am still torn wether or not to check it out....It really can't be that bad.

From Cinecon's review - Affleck and Lopez fell in love with each other while shooting this film, certainly that is one of the reasons of the public’s interest in seeing the film. But another interest why people should see this is the fact that occasionally Hollywood cranks out something unique, a nonconforming genre piece with interesting performances and humorous dialogue. These days, it’s more than just a relief it’s a special treat.

http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0299930/Gigli6.jpg

[JCR]

Originally posted by Scarface98.9
*Starts crying*

Can't we all just get along? :(

No!

Let's get Cecil B. DeMented in to deal with this dh character! :D

[dh1989]

Originally posted by Reverse Cowgirl
From Cinecon's review - something unique, a nonconforming genre piece with interesting performances and humorous dialogue.

Those are my thoughts on this film, worded perfectly. Thanks Cowgirl, and welcome to the boards! :)

[Reverse Cowgirl]

Thank you dh1989, it's good to be on the boards, with your review and Cinecon's, i'm looking forward to this more. I was torn for a long while with this movie, but I think i'll give it a go now.

[slasherfan]

This movie seems to have caused more trouble then it's worth. I read on another board someone defending it and they where hounded! I just read this aswell
"Tonight (1 Aug) on the 11:00 PM News, there was a major segment on the badness of Gigli. The item featured a number of quotes from all the bad reviews coming out, and they even did a sidebar on previous legendary bad movies (Heaven's Gate, Ishtar & Water World) for reference."

I do agree that dh is intitled to his own opinion. I probably woun't see this movie (doubt it will even open here) not my kind of movie at all but I won't bash anyone who likes it.

[Freeway]

Originally posted by movies35
This is really none of my buisness, but I am serious, MadsenOMC and Freeway, why do you need to act like such morons on the boards? Honostly, is it so bad to have an opinion? Really, if you're basicly insulting him just because he has an opinion! But Freeway, god forbid someone says something about your precious Terminator, you bitch till NO end. So really, don't be talking about someone just because they have a little bit of taste. :rolleyes:

Before you die, you see the ring. This conversation didn't involve you in any way so why the fuck did you get involved in it? You always stick up for dh, whether the conversation has anything to do with you or not. This isn't high school, I think dh can fend for himself so your comments are unwarranted.

On another note, Gigli tanked just like many suspected. Maybe now Affleck and Lopez can get back to making good movies. I think that it's about time Affleck revive the greatness he had with Good Will Hunting by writing a script.

[someguy]

Gigli opened in the 8th spot earning 3 million on it's opening weekend. This proves that the movie audiences are getting smarter.

[FeverDog420]

Originally posted by someguy
This proves that the movie audiences are getting smarter.

Bad Boys II has made $111.3M in three weeks. You may want to rethink your statement.

[Rated R]

Here's another terrible, but hilarious review from


The Filthy Critic (www.bigempire.com/filthy)


Okay, it is politically incorrect, and I apologize if this offends anyone...just letting you know. Oh and there are *MILD SPOILERS*



Gigli is a very special movie. It deals sensitively with the hot-button topic on everyone's minds: should retards be kidnapped and held hostage for personal gain?

Larry: No!

Filthy: That's my retard cousin Larry. I got him out of the home to give my review a uniquely mentally-disabled perspective. What'd you think, Larry?

Larry: It's a bad movie. It made me cry.

Filthy: Larry, don't cry. You know that when you cry-

Larry: I know, you told me. When I cry an angel loses its wings and falls from the sky and hits a big sharp rock and dies.

Filthy: Exactly. And then God is mad at you.

Larry: But it was bad.

Filthy: Very bad. Unbelievably bad, and disturbing. Like finding blood in your stool.

Larry: Or your beanbag.

Filthy: Right. But, I thought since one of the main characters was retarded you might enjoy it.

Larry: He wasn't really retarded. He was only pretending.

Filthy: How can you tell?

Larry: I've got my retar-dar on.

Filthy: Gigli is an indigestible mess, like metal filings in spaghetti. Its gut-wrenchingly bad scenes and dialog stagger under inappropriate new-agey guitar noodling soundtrack shit. At every moment I asked myself "Why don't I leave?" I wanted to leave. Watching it was unpleasant and uncomfortable. Ben Affleck, in full-tilt pretty-boy mode, wearing lots of makeup, tries to play the superficial and smug Larry Gigli (pronounced bad fuk-eeng moo-vee), a Brooklyn-accented, pompadoured, leather-jacketed street thug who has a smirk for every situation and not much more. Despite the Brooklyn accent, the movie reveals that Affleck's character was born and raised in California. One of the movie's many mysteries that isn't worth exploring. Maybe Affleck really wanted to play a Jersey guy and nobody had the balls to say no.

Larry: He might be special.

Filthy: No, Affleck doesn't play the retarded character.

Larry: But he might be.

Filthy: I think you mean gay. Anyway, writer/director/hack/jackass/ninny Martin Brest kicks the movie off by inadequately showing us that Affleck is a fuckup mob strongman now assigned the job of kidnapping a federal prosecutor's retarded brother and holding him hostage until the prosecutor drops the charges against a mafia muckity-muck.

Larry: Don't forget the part where Mr. Affleck shoots himself in the nuts.

Filthy: He never did.

Larry: Okay, don't forget the part where I said I wished he did.

Filthy: That was every five minutes.

Larry: I wish he did... for reals.

Filthy: Affleck absconds from the retard home with the brother, played by newcomer Justin Bartha who will next be seen playing Screech in dramatic re-enactments of Saved by the Bell" on E!, in one of the movie's endless, pointless, tiresome scenes. Affleck brings Bartha home, where the kid livens things up with the classic "I've got Tourette's so I shout dirty words at random" brand of comedy.

Larry: Just like you.

Filthy: Larry? If you can't say anything nice, shut your stinking trap. So, when Bartha ain't acting retarded for laughs, or Affleck isn't reacting like he's about to slap the kid for a giggle, the kid shouts out "Fuck." Now that's movie magic. Into the story comes Jennifer Lopez, a lesbian mob contractor. Since Affleck is such a fuckup, his boss hires Lopez to oversee him and make sure he doesn't lose the kid.

Larry: And then the movie ends.

Filthy: Well, almost. The movie doesn't end, but it stops making any sense and becomes about how the two "lovable" thugs Affleck and Lopez neglect the retard. He overwhelms her lesbian urges with, holy shit, I have no idea how he did that, and they fall in love. They talk a lot. Using language simultaneously vulgar and trite. The scenes drag on forever and have the cutesy feel of someone talking loudly on a cell phone because she thinks everyone around her will be jealous.

Larry: I like when she's lying on that mat and whispers "pussy."

Filthy: That's the scene where Lopez gives the most squirm-inducing soliloquy since the Harelip told me how to trim corpse's nails. She dribbles purple prose about how vaginas look like lips and people kiss lips, ergo, lesbians are cool, all while doing stretching exercises. It's a couple scenes before she asks Affleck to go down on her by spreading her legs and saying "It's turkey time. Gobble, gobble."

Larry: And before he shoots himself in the nuts.

Filthy: Correct.

Larry: They talk too much.

Filthy: And they are too way pleased with themselves. Gigli took place in an airtight bubble. It's a hermetically-sealed lovefest by these people for themselves. Besides being the acting equivalent of a tw-by-four, Affleck never wipes that smirk off his face.

Larry: Until he's shot in the nuts.

Filthy: He isn't compelled to do more than act like a girl at the mall who sits by herself all day near Wetzel's Pretzels, flipping her hair without a single thought except, "I'm really pretty." Lopez matches him smirk for smirk. What they are is not America's sweethearts. They're the modern Dom Deluise and Burt Reynolds, circa the eighth Cannonball Run movie (Lopez is Deluise), so amused by their own cleverness and charm that they fail to realize they have neither. Lopez is the brains of the operation, but she's weighted down like a donkey carrying sandbags by the overwritten, cornball monologues she spouts that suggests writer Brest could be hoodwinked by a monkey in a red vest. Also, as the movie progresses, Affleck gets prettier and prettier. By the end, he's a drag queen with thin lips, overplucked eyebrows and caked in makeup.

Larry: Like a clown.

Filthy: Exactly. The movie is littered with lazy plot contrivances. The plot turns on the importance of this retarded kid. The job is to keep him under wraps. But Affleck takes him from his home in broad daylight with plenty of witnesses. The kid wants to go back home, yet Affleck puts him to bed unguarded in the front room of his apartment while he sleeps in the back. And when a cop (an obnoxious cameo by Christopher Walken) comes by looking for the retard, it startles Affleck into realizing he must be extra careful. So what does he immediately do? He takes the kid outside, drives around in a god damn convertible, then eats in an outdoor restaurant? What the fuck? Oh yeah, and if Affleck is such a screwup and Lopez is so reliable, why not just have her watch the kid? Why use Affleck at all? And again, why does he have a Brooklyn accent, hair and style.

Larry: Because he's a stone-cold fox.

Filthy: No he's not.

Larry: You tell People magazine that.

Filthy: There's also a running "gag" about how the retard likes being read to at bedtime. This is a character who knows how to dial Australian Weather Information but he can't read. Anyway, the supposed joke is that Affleck is such a lunkhead that he has no books in his entire apartment, so he resorts to reading product labels. Lopez is appalled, and yet, the movie shows her sitting in the other room reading a... book. Yep, she has a book and she won't share? What the fuck was writer/director Brest thinking? Probably not, "I'm lazy and sloppy."

Larry: I don't like kidnappers.

Filthy: Who does? And who roots for people who kidnap retards to fall in love? Their main heroic act is not cutting off Bartha's thumb. Wow! I think most of us would chop off a thumb at the first opportunity.

Larry: No, don't, okay?

Filthy: I won't. My point is that if unlikable people are going to do unlikable things, they better be entertaining about it, not just think they're being entertaining. This is bad, fucking cinema. I can't believe there isn't a single in Hollywood without the balls to tell shallow dullards Affleck and Lopez they aren't cute enough to float a turd. One Finger for the awful Gigli. It's the kind of movie that should embarrass its makers, but I'm sure they're too busy patting themselves on the back to bother.

Larry: Shoot the stone-cold fox in the nuts.

Filthy: Did you really find blood in your beanbag?

Larry: Not my beanbag.






LOL! I love this guy's reviews...oh well, now I only want to see this movie for the trainwreck it appears to be...

[MadsenOMC]

This movie got exactly what it deserved from critics and audiences. People knew to stay away. Sometimes the general public can tell when something is downright awful and not worth seeing, no matter who is in it. This is one of those times. It already has its rightful place in cinematic history as one of the worst movies of all-time. When does opinion become fact? When it is unanimous, as it is with Gigli.

[Scarface98.9]

Originally posted by FeverDog420
Bad Boys II has made $111.3M in three weeks. You may want to rethink your statement.
Well, Bad Boys 2 at least is honest about what it is, a mindless action movie from the quintisential brainless action movie director. Seeing previews for Gigli is just depressing

[darkface]

Lets just hope this doesn't Hurt Kevin Smith's Jersey Girl, which i think it might. People might relate this movie to that one as being the same type of movie considering it's the same actors.

What i think Gigli did wrong with the advertisement was using their off-screen relationsship to push their movie, but that obviously didn't work, so hopefully Kevin will be smarter, i know you got it in ya!

[ilovemovies]

Well, I guess I saw a different movie than what others have seen. Although I didn't love it, it's a bit uneven in the begining and there are a few scenes or a few lines of dialogue that are kind of unintentionally funny, but for the most part I liked it. I thought Ben Affleck really shined here. Not his best performance, infact, it's not even his best performance of the year (that would be Daredevil). But he is very funny here. Lopez isn't quite as good here but she is still pretty good and the two of them have good chemistry. Gigli is an amusing, enjoyable and entertaining film but I was kind of disappointed with Christopher Walken's cameo. Sure it's always great to see him, but his scene is utterly pointless and goes nowhere. Much better is Al Pacino's cameo. Pacino, in his five minute scene, is just great ranting and yelling away. There are some major plotholes but I thought this movie was a charmer.


* * * ( out of * * * * )

7/10

Grade: B

[MadsenOMC]

A 1.5 rating on IMDB. That's got to be close to worst movie rating ever.

[ilovemovies]

I am just baffled that Gigli is getting such harsh comments when crap like Scary Movie and American Psycho is liked/loved by a lot of people.

But I guess that's just me.

[MadsenOMC]

I'm baffled that anyone likes it.

[dh1989]

Gigli deserves much more, in terms of praise and money, but, sadly, it just isn't going to get what it rightly deserves, IMO. Of course, the studio was stupid to fund it, since it's obviously going to bomb, when aiming at the audiences who loved Bringing Down The House, but turned their noses at Death To Smoochy.

[MadsenOMC]

dh, I think we agree on one thing. Gigli was poorly marketed. And that may be putting it nicely. The people who did see it didn't get what they were expecting, for the most part. And I think the previews just left the general public baffled.

[Scarface98.9]

I have a feeling that they'll market Jersey Girl and focus more on the fact that it's about raising a child, and Afflect's relationship with Liv Tyler more than the fact that Lopez is in the movie, after the Gigli debacle.

[thompsoncory]

I doubt they will do that, since besides this both of the actors have had respectable film careers and the poster gives J.Lo top billing. But based on an early review of JERSEY GIRL, I read that Lopez is only in about half of the film (for reasons I will not reveal)

[dh1989]

.

[XCoRyX]

this film in my view didnt bomb because of the people in it...it looked,sounded and was supposedly just terrible...not a thing in the trailer pieces interested me....if jersey girls smart,and looks good,fans will make it a big thing....

[bankholdup]

I just HAVE to see what all the bashing about Gigli is. I might check this one out.

[Marilyn Monroe]

Originally posted by Scarface98.9

The only single redeeming value this film has is J. Lo's nipples piercing through her shirt in the scene in the hospital. Even the sex scene has her covered in a robe THE ENTIRE TIME!!!! Annoying.

[/B]


A REAL nipple piercing?

[MadsenOMC]

SPOILERS

Some things I still don't get, so maybe a fan can explain them to me.

1.) Why would a huge group of teenage guys be afraid of tiny J-Lo? They get all cocky with Ben, but when J-Lo walks over and gives her big speech about pulling the eyeball out, they are all suddenly terrified. That is such a load of crap. They would have laughed her off or maybe even worse. But afraid of her? No chance in hell.

2.) J-Lo and Ben are supposedly killers, right? Even though we never see them in action, we are led to believe that is what they do. So their job is to kidnap and watch the brother of the D.A. on behalf of a big gangster. Why in the hell are they shocked when told to remove his thumb? They act as if they have never done anything remotely violent before, yet they're supposed to be killers. Makes absolutely no sense and is completely ridiculous.

3.) Why does she all of a sudden fall for him? He's a flat-out idiot who has over and over again made a fool of himself. Why on earth would she suddenly want to sleep with him? It's completely unbelievable. There is certainly no evidence presented in the movie. She just does and that's that.

4.) This is a continuation of 2. They are again shocked when they see someone killed. But they are supposed to be killers! They would have seen someone shot in the head before. They would most likely have shot someone in the head before. More than once. Yet they behave like a regular joe or jane when someone is shot in front of them.

These are only four examples of the many, many things that make no sense in this movie.

[dh1989]

Originally posted by MadsenOMC
SPOILERS

Some things I still don't get, so maybe a fan can explain them to me.

1.) Why would a huge group of teenage guys be afraid of tiny J-Lo? They get all cocky with Ben, but when J-Lo walks over and gives her big speech about pulling the eyeball out, they are all suddenly terrified. That is such a load of crap. They would have laughed her off or maybe even worse. But afraid of her? No chance in hell.

2.) J-Lo and Ben are supposedly killers, right? Even though we never see them in action, we are led to believe that is what they do. So their job is to kidnap and watch the brother of the D.A. on behalf of a big gangster. Why in the hell are they shocked when told to remove his thumb? They act as if they have never done anything remotely violent before, yet they're supposed to be killers. Makes absolutely no sense and is completely ridiculous.

3.) Why does she all of a sudden fall for him? He's a flat-out idiot who has over and over again made a fool of himself. Why on earth would she suddenly want to sleep with him? It's completely unbelievable. There is certainly no evidence presented in the movie. She just does and that's that.

4.) This is a continuation of 2. They are again shocked when they see someone killed. But they are supposed to be killers! They would have seen someone shot in the head before. They would most likely have shot someone in the head before. More than once. Yet they behave like a regular joe or jane when someone is shot in front of them.

These are only four examples of the many, many things that make no sense in this movie.

1.) I presume that the leader of their group was too scared by her detailed monolouge about tearing his eyes out to attack her, or tell someone else to attack her.

2 and 4.) Yes, they "could" be killers for the mob (They don't say what J. Lo does for the organization, but the opening sequence in the laundry implies that Ben is), but the biggest plot thread of the film is the developing relationship between the 3, so it's natural that they've grown to a point where cutting off his thumb isn't something they want to do anymore. But if you can't believe this, the film won't work for you. Also, to address the 2nd part of your question, I don't think they were shocked when Pacino's character shot Louis over the aftermath, per se, but since it wasn't really an angry conversation up to that point, they were shocked a bullet was fired, like someone being shocked when someone jumps out when they're walking down a hallway.

I am not going to touch 3.) because you obviously thought the evidence of their developing relationship was bullshit, so there's no point arguing for you to suddenly believe it.

[dh1989]

Originally posted by Marilyn Monroe
A REAL nipple piercing?

No, you can see her nipples "piercing" through her shirt, or her nipples are visible through the shirt.

[MadsenOMC]

Explanation for 1 is crap. There is no way he would have been scared by her. Not buying it for a second. He's got about 12 of his friends with him. No way. I don't buy 2 either. This is pure Hollywood. The killers who all of a sudden have a heart and all that crap. What bothers me too is that apparently they never even thought they'd be asked to do something violent towards the kid. Like it was never a possibility. It just doesn't mesh with who they are supposed to be. As for 3, why do you think she likes him all of a sudden? What does she see? Cause really underneath it all he isn't so tough. Where is the appeal? The fact that he's dumb as a rock, has no taste or class and is sexist and vulgar? She likes that in a guy maybe. And 4, maybe they were shocked by the sudden gunshot. But any moron could have seen that coming and would have known the guy was going to get shot. It was telegraphed and you could see it coming from a mile away. Then again, Gigli is an idiot so he probably couldn't see it coming.

[Scarface98.9]

Originally posted by MadsenOMC
What does she see? Cause really underneath it all he isn't so tough. Where is the appeal? The fact that he's dumb as a rock, has no taste or class and is sexist and vulgar? She likes that in a guy maybe.
I haven't seen the movie, but I know that a lot of females are more attracted to a guy who may appear tough, but if he's having trouble expressing his emotions, and they can bring it out of them, they are more drawn to them. Being able to emote is something they dig I guess. Or maybe they like it, but only stay friends. I may just have an elementary understanding of everything

[MadsenOMC]

What you say is true, but not in the case of Gigli. J-Lo's character is not looking for an emotional guy, or trying to chip through his tough veneer. She sees through him from that start and knows he isn't as tough as he wants everyone to think. So, in addition to being dumb as a rock, having no taste or class, and being sexist and vulgar, he's full of false bravado and a phony macho attitude. What's not to love?

[JoBlo]

Ugh. I have, ONCE AGAIN, been forced to re-iterate our RULES here, folks (see the STICKIED RESPECT OR GET BANNED (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=55585) thread). It seems like many people in the CURRENT MOVIE TALK forum just don't "get it" when it comes to RESPECT.

At least 3 different SENIOR SCHMOES in this thread alone took potshots at their fellow schmoes' OPINIONS and not the actual arguments of their case and I'd like to remind those three, and everyone else in this forum, that BANNINGS will once again be at the top of my list of things "to do", if this continues.

Folks, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.

Not everyone likes the same KINDS OF MOVIES.

GET OVER IT!!!

If you can't argue with someone without resorting to putdowns of that person's opinion, instead of constructively making your points about the validity/crappiness of said films, you will GET BANNED.

Thanks for understanding. Sheesh.

[slasherfan]

Gigli is now at number 2 on the bottom 100 list on IMDB
From Justin To Kelly is at number 1
http://us.imdb.com/bottom_100_films

[JCR]

slasherfan

Gigli is out in the uk and ireland on september 19th. Unless it's pulled due to poor usa BO.

[JCR]

Folks, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.

(quotes Monty python and the life of Brian)

"We are all different. We are all individuals"

"I'm not"



(sorry ;) )

[SIREN30]

Every time I see the title I think of my favorite musical GIGI and wonder why the name has to be so similar???? I mean, God forbid anyone think that this is a remake ....lol.

I can see it now, Jlo as Gigi and Affleck in the part of Louis Jordan...lol

[slasherfan]

Gigli is now at number 1 on the bottom 100 movie list on IMDB!!
http://us.imdb.com/bottom_100_films

[MadsenOMC]

From IMDB:

Now that he no longer is obliged to promote Gigli -- it bombed in its first weekend, earning only $3.8 million at the box office -- Ben Affleck has conceded, "The movie didn't work." In an interview with Daily Variety columnist Army Archerd, Affleck said, "You work just as hard on a good movie as on a bad one. We tried to fix it. But it was like putting a fish's tail and a donkey's head."

[SLAW]

Originally posted by MadsenOMC
From IMDB:

Now that he no longer is obliged to promote Gigli -- it bombed in its first weekend, earning only $3.8 million at the box office -- Ben Affleck has conceded, "The movie didn't work." In an interview with Daily Variety columnist Army Archerd, Affleck said, "You work just as hard on a good movie as on a bad one. We tried to fix it. But it was like putting a fish's tail and a donkey's head."

Dayam! It's not liek you had to do this movie, Ben. You certainly didn't need the money. If you didn't think the script was at all solid when it was brought to you, then why did you make this the movie to star with J.Lo?

[Addi88]

This movie looked pretty bad and I was glad it bombed but then I thought...

"Oh no. They're both in Jersey Girl. Other people are going to automatically think that Jersey Girl will be like Gigli. In that case, Jersey Girl might bomb."

I hope Jersey Girl doesn't bomb.


But, you know, thats just my 2 cents.

[harpian]

I saw it Sunday, and it certainly wasn't THAT bad. It had a good monologue or two, with a few decent laughs here and there.
So overall it was mildly entertaining.

There are quite a few movies out there that are MUCH worse than this. This backlash on IMDB is ridiculous.

80% of the people I've talked to are just chiming in with the critics, jumping on the bandwagon of popularity, and refusing to go see it. If all the people that are saying it sucks, actually went out and SAW the movie, it would have had a huge box office take.

If you haven't seen it for yourself, you can't cast a fair opinion. Therefore you have no opinion.

4.5/10

[Mikey2Dope]

Ha this has to be the funniest IMDB comment I have read in awhile (Hannibal will LOVE the last sentence;))

Date: 2 August 2003
Summary: Possibly the Greatest Film Ever!

Oh man, I cannot get over how good this film was. Unbelievable! J-Lo was at her hottest and dramatic best. As for Affleck, this was 10X better than "Good Will Hunting." Throw in some cameos from Academy Award winners Al Pacino and Christopher Walken, hey, you have what we call in the industry, an epic movie. Although the story deals with hitmen and hitwomen (excuse me, Jennifer), there is also a real human element here. The film can be funny in one instant and then, one of the saddest movies you have ever seen. I think that is what makes for good drama, to be able to balance so many emotions and still tell an important story. I will be honest, I laughed quite a bit during this movie, but I cried more. I cried like a baby, because the chemistry of Ben and J-Lo was that damn good. I know it is early to start talking Academy, but it must be addressed. I really have to admonish the studio for releasing this film now, it should have had a winter or Spring release, so as to be fresh on the mind of Oscar. However, I don't think Oscar will soon forget this magical motion picture. Do yourself a favor and see it, do yourself a bigger favor and see it again. Citizen Kane, you now have a rival!

Hilarious:D

[ilovemovies]

Finally here is a positive review for Gigli from Dustin Putman he gave it * * * :

Opinions are like assholes and everyone's got them, but to call "Gigli" one of the worst motion pictures ever made—as some critics and press have suggested—is frankly absurd. Hasn't anybody seen "Zombie Vs. Mardi Gras?" Perhaps a vendetta has begun against the famed romance of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, or maybe the movie's many detractors simply walked in with a negative attitude based on what they had heard, and nothing they saw could change their minds. Whatever the case, the unfortunately-titled "Gigli," directed by Martin Brest (1998's "Meet Joe Black"), is an entertaining romantic comedy with a fresh, wicked edge. At its center is a relationship between two characters—and two actors—that ignites more steamy chemistry than any movie romance this year.

Larry Gigli (Ben Affleck) is a trash-talking Los Angeles mob enforcer who is assigned to kidnap Brian (Justin Bartha), the mentally challenged brother of a federal prosecutor. Ricki (Jennifer Lopez) is also an enforcer, sent to keep a close eye on Larry to make sure he follows through with the plans who has been given. As Larry and Ricki hang out together, waiting for further instructions and taking a liking to Brian, Larry falls head over heels for the sexy and sweet Ricki. In return, Ricki sort of likes Larry, too. The only problem is she is a lesbian.

That last bit of plot information has been sneakily hidden in the trailers and ads for "Gigli," which make it appear to be a happy-go-lucky conventional romance. With a story that includes gunshots to the head, cut-off fingers, slit wrists, and splattered human brain chunks in a fish tank, it most definitely isn't paint-by-numbers. In spite of these more violent moments, however, the film progresses to become a sweetly winning love story, darker than most comedies of its ilk but with its heart in the right place. Think of it as Quentin Tarantino-lite, complete with some wonderfully snappy dialogue exchanges and occasional blood, but with a more romantic undercurrent than Tarantino is used to.

Lest it appear that "Gigli" is a faultless film, there are a few missteps. Until Ricki shows up about fifteen minutes in, the movie is ploddingly edited and rather inept in its storytelling. One or two lines of dialogue in the first act are overwrought. And some of the musical score cues are intrusive and sloppy. The catch is, once Ricki enters the frame, "Gigli" brightens up considerably and moves at a faster pace. Its two or three misguided lines are a painless price to pay for the more often prevalent sparkling dialogue exchanges, courtesy of writer-director Martin Brest. And for every less-than-stellar piece of score there are even more utterly magical music cues (by composer John Powell), some of the most effective in months.

The plot is admittedly pretty unbelievable, if only because Larry and Ricki do not plausibly have it in them to work for the mob. Pairing Ben Affleck (2003's "Daredevil") and Jennifer Lopez (2002's "Maid in Manhattan") together is the film's most vital agenda, and it succeeds effortlessly on this count. Affleck, with thick Brooklyn accent in tow, wisely does not endear his Larry Gigli (pronounced "Jeally") to the audience from the first frame, but makes him someone the viewer is unsure how to feel about until his falsely tough outer layer is stripped back to reveal a gentle soul. As Ricki, Lopez delivers another ultra-sexy and bewitching performance, further proving that she has more pure talent than her moniker, "J. Lo," suggests. Together, one can almost witness on film Affleck and Lopez falling in love in real life, making their romance all the more involving and worth rooting for. Kudos must also go with how Ricki's lesbianism is realistically and unpredictably treated within a heterosexual romance.

The supporting cast is mostly filled with extended one-scene cameos, as the main attraction is, and never strays from, Affleck and Lopez. The biggest support comes from newcomer Justin Bartha, doing a supremely fine job as the presumably autistic Brian. Lainie Kazan (2000's "The Crew") has a charming scene as Larry's mom, who shares a moment of female bonding with Ricki. And Al Pacino (2002's "Insomnia") is chilling as Pacino can only be in villain roles as ruthless mob boss Starkman.

Why "Gigli" is getting so widely lambasted from other critics, I do not know. As a romance, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are on fire. Their characters have more character shades and depth than is the norm for the genre, and they delight in the showy and witty dialogue they get to speak. The ending is idealistic and not completely believable, but it also works, in spite of the reasons it shouldn't, because it earns it. "Gigli" may not be a life-changing motion picture, but it is always likable. Most of all, and most importantly, it has a good heart.

[EDsoulsurvive*]

All this horrible press has gotten me actually thinkin of checkin this out in theaters. I think it looks good and the POSITIVE reviews I have read make it seem like my type of movie.

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by Mikey2Dope
Ha this has to be the funniest IMDB comment I have read in awhile (Hannibal will LOVE the last sentence;))

Date: 2 August 2003
Summary: Possibly the Greatest Film Ever!

Oh man, I cannot get over how good this film was. Unbelievable! J-Lo was at her hottest and dramatic best. As for Affleck, this was 10X better than "Good Will Hunting." Throw in some cameos from Academy Award winners Al Pacino and Christopher Walken, hey, you have what we call in the industry, an epic movie. Although the story deals with hitmen and hitwomen (excuse me, Jennifer), there is also a real human element here. The film can be funny in one instant and then, one of the saddest movies you have ever seen. I think that is what makes for good drama, to be able to balance so many emotions and still tell an important story. I will be honest, I laughed quite a bit during this movie, but I cried more. I cried like a baby, because the chemistry of Ben and J-Lo was that damn good. I know it is early to start talking Academy, but it must be addressed. I really have to admonish the studio for releasing this film now, it should have had a winter or Spring release, so as to be fresh on the mind of Oscar. However, I don't think Oscar will soon forget this magical motion picture. Do yourself a favor and see it, do yourself a bigger favor and see it again. Citizen Kane, you now have a rival!

Hilarious:D


That's it, I'm taking my own life.

[PorcheRacer]

After the terrible opening weekend, Ben Affleck actually admitted that it was a terrible movie and they were lying about how good it was whilst promoting it. LOL

[ColinM]

Originally posted by PorcheRacer
After the terrible opening weekend, Ben Affleck actually admitted that it was a terrible movie and they were lying about how good it was whilst promoting it. LOL

Yeah, I found that hilarious! :)

[Silverload]

Originally posted by slasherfan
Gigli is now at number 1 on the bottom 100 movie list on IMDB!!
http://us.imdb.com/bottom_100_films

Holy crap, talk about over reacting! So what it is a bad movie, but to have the #1 ranking for worst movie ever is ridiculous. I can think of a couple of films that came out this year alone that is much, much worse then Gigli.

[bugdog]

Saw it on a lark...

Yes the movie is horrible, and Ben Affleck does ham it up, and Jennifer Lopez does slightly spread her legs, remind Ben of his bragging about his oral sex prowess, and invites him with, "It's turkey time. Gobble, gobble."

But Ben and J-Lo will live to act another day. The one who deserves to take the hit here is Martin Brest, who wrote and directed this atrocity.

I went hoping it would be so bad it's funny, that sort of thing.

.....
And by the way, Christopher Walken, Al Pacino and Lainie Kazan all give one-scene-and-forget-them cameo performances. It like each one was walking by the set, and Brest whistled at them and said, "Hey, come on over and adlib for us for a while."

[BorderEevilIII]

Still yet to see this and the rate its goin looks like video for me...And I found this,

http://bellsouthpwp.net/r/a/rangerx/gigli.jpg

[JCPhoenix]

The funny thing is, despite all the bad press, etc, I do believe that so far, more schmoes in this thread have given the movie a thumbs up than a thumbs down...

Interesting...

I was planning on checking out how horrible this was anyway, but now I'll be checking this out with a bit more hope for it. I mean, really, can any movie be that bad?

[movies35]

Here's JoBlo's 5/10 review...

GIGLI
RATING: 5/10

Review Date: August 9, 2003
Director: Martin Brest
Writer: Martin Brest
Producers: Martin Brest, Casey Silver
Actors: Ben Affleck as Larry Gigli
Jennifer Lopez as Ricki
Justin Bartha as Brian
Genre: Comedy
Year of Release: 2003

PLOT:
A half-assed mob enforcer is asked to watch over a mentally challenged kid until his boss can figure out a way to blackmail the federal prosecutor who calls the kid his brother. Until that time, the mob boss also asks another enforcer, a hot lesbian one, to "help" the half-assed enforcer with his task. The two share duties of overlooking the kid, but at the same time, go back and forth with their own sexual, love and relationship mind-games. The worst movie of all-time (according to some, but not moi) ensues...

CRITIQUE:
First of all, this movie is far from being the all-out piece of shit that everyone and their great-uncle seems to be saying. In fact, how could all of these people be saying that it sucks the royal penis when box-office figures are telling us that barely anyone saw it in the first place? (it's currently rated as the Worst Film of All-Time on the IMDB) All that to say that the general ravaging of this movie by other film critics made me want to check it out myself. What did I think? Well, it ain't that bad, to be honest with you. In fact, I thought it was a decent romp during its first half with cute chemistry between the two leads, some funny moments from Affleck, a great job by Justin Bartha as the mentally challenged kid and even an ounce of potential. Unfortunately, it doesn't really go anywhere after that, and despite a continued interesting back-and-forth between Lopez and Affleck, scenes ultimately go on for too long, extended monologues take up too much time, the characters all use "big words" which make no sense in their line of work and the final 20 minutes are just overly-sentimental and unsatisfactory. It isn't a horrible movie, by any means though. I thoroughly enjoyed Affleck's goofy "trying to be a tough guy" character all the way through, and even though I didn't buy his accent in the commercials, I bought it in the movie and I especially loved his solo "bull" conversation in front of the bathroom mirror. Funny stuff. Lopez was also decent, but her character was a little too smug for my taste. I've just never been a fan of self-righteous characters in any movie, so despite looking really hot and providing for a solid performance, I would have lightened her character up a little. Neither character is entirely believable as an "enforcer" though-upon hearing that they have to cut off someone's thumb, they both suddenly grow consciences?

By the way, I would like to thank the filmmakers for slapping Lopez in as little clothing as possible in a number of scenes, but would also require further explanation as to why she's completely "robed up" during a love-making sequence? How does that work?? The hottest couple in Hollywood are in the throws of passion and the only one flying birthday suit is Big Ben? Pleaaaaze! But what ultimately breaks this film isn't its mediocre screenplay, overly-written dialogue or over-the-top score (this ain't a friggin' Oscar flick, folks...knock it down a few notches), it's the element that has broken many a film before and will break many more in the future and that's its incapacity to balance humor and drama effectively. Martin Brest is no James L. Brooks. There are some films that are able to successfully balance stupid, funny moments with tender emotional ones, but this movie isn't one of them. Some of the humor made me chuckle and some of the emotional angles worked, but on the whole, it just didn't seem to know what it wanted to be. Its finale is a prime example of just that. Ironically, it apparently re-shot its ending after disastrous test screenings, but I can't imagine it being much worse than the dragged-out one here. Incidentally, for fans of both Al Pacino and Christopher Walken, pay close attention because both actors make one-scene "cameos" here. Pacino is fun to watch, but goes totally "Pacino" at the end of his huge monologue (someone should have told Brest that this film's dialogue was just too long at points-then again, this is the same dude who made the 18-hour long MEET JOE BLACK), while Walken is a blast as usual, but he too, seems to be "playing Walken" to a certain extent.

So is the movie as bad as they say? Absolutely not. It's a passable romantic comedy with hints of drama and not much story, but if you dig the two leads, want to see what all the fuss is about and don't mind watching a mentally challenged kid swear and sing along to rap music every now and again (and no, I'm not talking about Eminem), give it a whirl. Oh yeah, did I mention J-Lo's monologue about how "pussies" are better than "penis", the spread-eagle she offers Affleck before asking him to "gobble-gobble" down on her and the "joke" she makes about "sucking his cock for 12 hours straight"? No? Well, that's in there too.

(c) 2003 Berge Garabedian

[DaveyJoeG]

Check this out, pretty funny:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3929/gigli_focus_groups.html

[Nate6]

Hilarious film critic quotes for Gigli:

"This is a movie that manages to keep finding new ways of being stupid."
-- Eric D. Snider, ERICDSNIDER.COM

"A torpid dud starring the cuddly celebrity twosome of the moment."
-- Steven Rea, PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

"[O]ne of the worst movies I've ever seen."
-- Richard Roeper, EBERT & ROEPER

"A rigli, rigli bad movie."
-- Bruce Newman, SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS

"Such an utter wreck of a movie you expect to see it lying on its side somewhere in rural Pennsylvania, with a small gang of engineers circling and a wisp of smoke rising from the caboose."
-- Stephen Whitty, NEWARK STAR-LEDGER

"The movie is pretty much as bad as you've heard, a tangle of badness so thick it's hard to hack your way through and find the good idea that made writer/director Martin Brest think this was a story worth telling."
-- Gary Thompson, PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS

"Now we know why Martin Brest didn’t have a screenplay produced since the 1970s."
-- Brian Webster, APOLLO GUIDE

"Despite all the reshoots, rewrites, re-edits and other changes, this is one awful movie."
-- Jeff Vice, DESERET NEWS, SALT LAKE CITY

"Painfully dull and remarkably tasteless."
-- Mary F. Pols, CONTRA COSTA TIMES

"There’s no rhythm to (the) putrid dialogue, no flow to (the) preposterous scenes."
-- Sean O'Connell, FILMCRITIC.COM

"Ach. Oy. Woe and poo, bleccch and uck! ZZZZZ-zzz."
-- Stephen Hunter, WASHINGTON POST

"A film that begins badly and gets worse and worse, like someone who has been knocked unconscious in an accident and then bleeds to death because he gets no attention."
-- Terry Lawson, DETROIT FREE PRESS

"The most thoroughly joyless and inept film of the year, and one of the worst of the decade."
-- Mick LaSalle, SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE

"There's virtually no story, no conflict, no tension and no suspense, just the endless droning of the worst dialogue written in recent memory."
-- Bill Muller, ARIZONA REPUBLIC

"Its awkward Rain Man- meets-gangsters- in-love plot lurches forward with such clumsiness it's hard to believe writer/director Martin Brest avoided seeing this thing flushed direct-to-video."
-- Tom Long, DETROIT NEWS

"Nearly as unwatchable as it is unpronounceable."
-- Manohla Dargis, LOS ANGELES TIMES

"This is one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time."
-- Holly McClure, CROSSWALK.COM MOVIES

"...a walking, talking People cover story."
-- Josh Larsen, SUN PUBLICATIONS (CHICAGO, IL)

And so on and so forth. Critics are hilarious, and they're probably right, too. And Davey, that The Onion story is criminally funny:

"2,965 'strongly agreed' that the ending should be changed to include a graphic scene in which its main characters die...'Many participants wrote 'shot to death' in the space provided for comments, probably thinking that it fit in with the gangster characters' stated realities,' Columbia Pictures director of marketing Peter Zitterman said. "Some comments showed a lot of careful thought, such as 'point blank through head from right side,' 'both at once with single shot from elephant gun,' and 'several hundred times, with multiple camera angles showing their bodies jerking as they're shredded with a heavy hosing of lead, spraying the lens with gobbets of meat and bone and blood, with the sheer number of fist-sized exit wounds obviously precluding any sequel.' And shootings weren't the only ideas suggested, believe me...According to the exit cards, other popular methods of achieving Lopez and Affleck's on-screen demise included car bombs, multiple stab wounds, acid baths, rabid wolf attacks, lightning strikes, and, in one case, a 'hammer party.'"

LMAO!

[A.J. Hakari]

Originally posted by Nate6
"A rigli, rigli bad movie."
-- Bruce Newman, SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS

That one's my favorite. :D

After reading JoBlo and Ebert's critiques, I really am wondering if this is as horrible of a movie as people say or if they're overexaggerating things. Chances are I'll catch this on video, but by the looks of things thus far, it doesn't look like one of the worst movies of all time; FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY looks even more unholy, so I doubt GIGLI could be just as potentially horrendous.

[Freeway]

Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari
That one's my favorite. :D

After reading JoBlo and Ebert's critiques, I really am wondering if this is as horrible of a movie as people say or if they're overexaggerating things. Chances are I'll catch this on video, but by the looks of things thus far, it doesn't look like one of the worst movies of all time; FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY looks even more unholy, so I doubt GIGLI could be just as potentially horrendous.

From Justin to Kelly is actually much worse than Gigli, as hard as it is to believe. Both aren't exactly good films either though.

[FilmBuff84]

Despite all the critical slamming, I still want to see this movie. I wasn't put off by the trailers, and come October, when this movie opens in Australia, i'll see it. Reading JoBlo's review I know this is movie isn't going to be as bad as it has made out to be, as he says "how could all of these people be saying that it sucks the royal penis when box-office figures are telling us that barely anyone saw it in the first place?", and even if it turns out to be disappointing, I guess it'll make you appreciate the good movies, but the reviews for this haven't put me off. And in fact, a lot of the films Jo has given 5/10 to, which is what he rated Gigli, and I respect his ratings, I have liked, or didn't mind, and given a higher rating to (American Wedding, Analyze That, Goldmember, Basic, Cradle 2 The Grave, Bruce Almighty, Everyone Says I Love You, Gangs Of New York, Just Married, Maid In Manhattan, A Man Apart, Rat Race....etc), so I'll give this a go. I am positive it isn't that bad. Plus I was one of the few people who didn't mind Meet Joe Black.

Plus did anybody see Ben Affleck on The Tonight Show, cool guy, handling the flop success as well as he did, making fun and what not...Good stuff.

[Haggulah]

Maybe they should have stuck with the Tough Love title but I don't think that would have helped much. I think naming the flick for the main character shows lack of imagination. Doing that is best left to films with a well known protagonist i.e. Superman or in a character driven story like Donnie Darko where much of the film is spent getting to know who he (or she) is and what drives them. Just a thought.

After reading some of the current thoughts on this film I may rent it just out of curiosity. I usually like Ben's work......espcially with Kevin Smith and I do look forward to seeing their latest collaboration. :cool: