TEENAGE CAVEMAN

[neco82]

Just saw this while ago, and...

OH MY GOD.

This is, without a doubt, the WORST movie I have ever seen, horror or otherwise... crap plot, badly filmed, horribly acted, a whole bunch of unlikable characters, pointless sex and sloppy gore. WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Give me one person who actually liked this crapfest and I'll give him a million dollars.

[Wicked]

I like it
It's great
My account number is 56606... wait, no

I can't do it

Damnit, yes, I hate this movie (if you can call it that)
I can't even lie about it for a million dollars

[Xipe Totec]

I`ve read Arrow`s review and am never planning to see it.
You should check out the review too and Phone Booth`s right afterwards...They go together in a way.

[Lord Crumb]

Gonna move this to the crap section...oh wait...there isn't one...guess I'll have to move it to PAST HORROR then.

[pyscho dude]

This movie is absolute filth. I can't believe I stayed up late just to see it. I should've been smart and just listened to ARROW . This film is just a poor excuse to film nude teenagers. Why do companies even allow Larry to make their films?

[tuwhitt_]

I've seen this in a movie store for 5.99 and have thought about buying it even though all of the nasty reviews. I won't though because Larry is a dirty man and I never want to see his movies. I heard KIDS wasn't too bad, but this and BULLY were awful filthy movies and that all his movies are just an excuse for him to film naked teens.

[Psychocandy]

Originally posted by tuwhitt_
I've seen this in a movie store for 5.99 and have thought about buying it even though all of the nasty reviews. I won't though because Larry is a dirty man and I never want to see his movies. I heard KIDS wasn't too bad, but this and BULLY were awful filthy movies and that all his movies are just an excuse for him to film naked teens.

Kids is excellent and I just bought Bully on DVD because i've read mostly positive reviews of it (it scored 4/5 in the three UK movie magazines that I buy...Empire, Total Film and Uncut). I've yet to see Teenage Caveman but from what i've read it just sounds like trashy fun. It doesn't really sound a world away from the kind of z-grade horror nonsense that Troma have been churning out for years (maybe i'm wrong...I honestly haven't seen it). I've seen the last half of Another Day In Paradise with James Woods and it looked like a very entertaining little movie. I utterly fail to see why anyone has a problem with the nudity in these flicks. Everyone involved is over the legal age and absolutely capable of making their own decisions with regards to what is acceptable.

[CarrieCarrie]

I rented this movie and it sucks. I was so ticked with the movie that I didn't watch it all the way through. I took it back to the video store and told them the movie was crap. The manager took the video and I was able to rent another movie free. Going back to the video store days later the movie was not on the shelf anymore. I asked a girl behind the counter about it and she said they no longer carried the movie. I was surprised one ticked off customer could get such a result. Granted I do rent tons of movies every week it seems.

[W. E. Sawyer]

Kids and especially Bully were excellent. Bully was of course based on a true event. Leo Fitzpatrick has a part in both of these Larry Clark films.

[psycho path]

After reading Arrows review(Fucking funny by the way!), I dont wanna see this...a chick masturbating at another chick exploding? WTF?!

[Psychocandy]

Originally posted by psycho path
...a chick masturbating at another chick exploding? WTF?!

I dunno dude. I think i'm sold now. Gonna go rent this tomorrow. :D

[Mr Bones]

Hope your one hell of a masochist then, cause this is mind-numbingly, migrane giving, horrifyingly bad. I only watched the first 30 minutes and wanted to throw it across the room. Its that fuckin bad. And I live for bad movies, so its not even a B level movie, more like a -Z rated movie

[Psychocandy]

Originally posted by Mr Bones
Hope your one hell of a masochist then, cause this is mind-numbingly, migrane giving, horrifyingly bad. I only watched the first 30 minutes and wanted to throw it across the room. Its that fuckin bad. And I live for bad movies, so its not even a B level movie, more like a -Z rated movie

Fuck. This is sounding better by the minute. Nah, i'm joking. :D

I generally trust my fellow schmoes and the overwhelming majority on these boards have stated that the movie is absolute cock. I'd still like to see it though just to understand why it's incited such an extreme reaction. I have seen one good review of this movie. Empire magazine hit it with a 4/5. I was more than a little taken aback as I saw that review after having read countless bad ones on the net.

Oh...btw...I just finished watching Bully. Stunning. Absolutely stunning. Everything from the script to the directing to the quality of the acting on display was nothing short of masterly. One of the best movies i've seen this year. 5/5

[Dumb-Fokker-**]

I liked it. It wasn't great, or anything, but I didn't openly dislike the film. The main reason for this, however, is because I loved the performance of that super-kid, or whatever the hell he was.

[pyscho dude]

That's the only reason you like the film?

[countchocula]

Originally posted by Psychocandy
I've yet to see Teenage Caveman but from what i've read it just sounds like trashy fun. It doesn't really sound a world away from the kind of z-grade horror nonsense that Troma have been churning out for years (maybe i'm wrong...I honestly haven't seen it).

Well, the difference between Teenage Caveman and a Troma flick is that TC actually believes that it's engaging and thought-provoking. I didn't hate the film because it was tasteless and exploitative; I hated it because the pacing was impaired, the characters were irritating, it doesn't even become a "creature feature" until the closing five minutes, and Clark's direction is sloppy. The film's only redeeming factor is the bountiful gore, but the death sequences are few and far between. Of course, there's always a chance that you'll dig it. Our opinions are beside the point. But you know you're in trouble when not even a drawn out orgy scene is entertaining.

[Richard Stuart]

I actually think Teenage Caveman is a good film, and IMO it's rather unfairly underrated, hated and slated by Arrow and many of his loyal acolytes. ;) Seriously, it's got a decent concept which is actually more interesting than many other horror films I could mention, some great gore scenes (particularly the aforementioned 'girl exploding' bit), and as Dumb Fokker says, a memorable main villain character who's played totally OTT with some amusing hammed-up overacting.

There's also plenty of nudity, which some people seem to find objectionable about the film, but as Psychocandy says (although in reference to a different Larry Clark film), the actors are over the legal age, so I really don't see the problem. In fact, the film has most of the things many people on this board crave from horror films - just look at the other threads in this forum which talk about wanting to see gore and nudity in horror! - yet Teenage Caveman still gets a terrible panning by many people here. Obviously everyone's entitled to their opinion, but I just don't see why this film in particular gets so suspiciously slagged off to such an almighty degree.

[Requiem-for-a-Dream]

Teenage Caveman- 3/10

Genre: Horror (I think)

Year: 2001

Rating: US R/ Can R for Extreme Gore, Tons of Nudity and Perversion.

Director: Larry Clark

Cast:

Andrew Keegan

Jeffrey Pritz

Tara Subkoff

Richard Hillman

Tiffany Limos

Plot:

In the future, the world is a barren landscape with humans going back to hunter gatherer times (cavemen). A group of rebels are brought in by two weird teens from the 20th century and blah blah blah blah...

My Thoughts:

Larry Clark…What can I say about this guy that hasn’t already been said. He’s perverted, yes…but does his perversion have a point? Sort of… Well, this review isn’t going anywhere. Regardless of my feelings toward this odd fellow, I hated Teenage Caveman despite its entertainment value. Let me make this clear, the entertainment came with the gore, but the naked men and women went way too far. The movie is about a group of people who live in a cave after Modern civilisation is destroyed. Andrew Keagan’s father, a sort of minister type, preaches to the teens about temptation and how it killed the ancient humans (he’s speaking of us to those who aren’t following). But, of course, this man is hypocritical and tries to seduce young women into his quarters to have sex. Andrew finds out about this and kills him; he is then sentenced to death. The teens soon break him out and head off into the wild unknown. Soon, they discover an ancient city (Toronto), and decide to check it out. A storm forces them to find shelter and they later wake up in their underclothes. After this happens, the film goes into sex, nudity, and gore override.

The teens are plunged into a heavenly (at least it seems heavenly at first) world where sex drugs and alcohol are a plenty. But, there’s one problem, the two people who brought the teens in to their building are monsters and when they have sex with women, the women soon explode. What the anal ramming cock spank kind of plot is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Well, regardless, it’s damn hilarious to sit through (apart from the rampant nudity that just felt gratuitous and sleazy) and the gore is excellent. Now I will transcend into a rant to those who wish to stop reading.

Larry Clark’s films bother me. It seems as though he is trying to let out his lust for teens. While watching Teenage Caveman I was in awe with how much he got away with; teens screwing each other graphically, explicit gore and lots of close ups of private parts. Yet he still managed to receive an R Rating. For some reason Larry Clark feels the need to show guys boners and naked young women for no apparent reason but to stimulate his own sexual perversions. I enjoyed watching parts of the movie but I couldn’t help but feel incredibly dirty afterwards. It seems as though any teen sex film comes along with name attached to it. Although two of his other films were masterpieces (Kids and Bully) I still felt sick while watching them. Larry Clark is an incredibly gifted filmmaker that needs to stop being exploitative and start maturing in terms of the content he displays. Try not doing so many close ups of crotches!

Acting- 2/10

Some of the worst lines delivered through any mouths. Damn these guys suck ass. "You're a looner!" HAHAHA

Directing- 7/10

I love Clark's visual style I just hate his perversity.

Gore- 10/10

We get Larry Clark impaled at the beginning of the flick, so all of you who hate him, rent this now! An eye is gouged out with a cross, screwdriver in neck with spurting blood, insane exploding body, large and gory wound in someone’s stomach, arm graphically sliced open with razor numerous times, the exploding body is seen again, wicked decapitation, awesome scene of a heart being punched out, hole blown in stomach, wicked exploding body and other scenes featuring blood.

Nudity- 10/10

For the guys and lesbians: Every female gets nude many times. We get to see many breasts and buns. But it’s way too exploitative to actually consider it titillating. For the gals and gays: All the men in this movie show off their asses with some hints of frontal nudity. Also you guys get to see lots of bulging underwear.

AxeHorror©=Copyright

Matt

[pyscho dude]

Alot of you people say that the actors were all over age so what's the matter and yes they are over age but the characters their displaying are young teenagers. Also I can't believe this movie only got an R rating. I was watching this and thinking "No f%$#ing way is this R."

[Gretchen_Ross]

Dumb-Fokker-** and Richard Stuart - i thought i was the only schmoe willing to stand up for this movie. nice to see others dig it too.

now, before i get flamed by the haters, let me explain why i like "teenage caveman." i consider myself to be a lover of bad film. the worse, the better. and i have never, never seen a film as outrageously bad as "teenage caveman." it excells in every possible area: dialogue, acting, directing, plot, characters, the list goes on and on. it's so bad as to be almost indescribable. and that's why i love it. it's the most glorious shit ever made.

(there is one exception to the horribleness of the movie - richard hillman, the bad guy. he's actually good and quite cute.)

[Requiem-for-a-Dream]

Originally posted by pyscho dude
Alot of you people say that the actors were all over age so what's the matter and yes they are over age but the characters their displaying are young teenagers. Also I can't believe this movie only got an R rating. I was watching this and thinking "No f%$#ing way is this R."

It should have gotten the NC-17. I agree with you about the actors too.

Matt

[pyscho dude]

I find it weird how a movie like Resident Evil had to get cut down just to get an R and then a movie like Teenage Caveman puts all this graphic sex and nudity with young teens and only gets an R. Man what's with the MPAA?

[Psychocandy]

Originally posted by pyscho dude
graphic sex and nudity with young teens

I'll say this once again...everyone was over the legal age. No young teens got nude in this movie. For heavens sake. Does no-one realise that this would break some serious laws.

[pyscho dude]

And I'll say this once again PYSHOCANDY yes I know the actors were over age but their characters were young teenagers. Didn't you read my earlier posts? You must not have because you would've known what I meant. The Characters are young teenagers not the actors. Next time read all of the previous posts before you say something. P.S. NO DUH they were overage. If they weren't Larry would be in prison right now getting raped by other inmates.

[Psychocandy]

Originally posted by pyscho dude
And I'll say this once again PYSHOCANDY yes I know the actors were over age but their characters were young teenagers. Didn't you read my earlier posts? You must not have because you would've known what I meant. The Characters are young teenagers not the actors. Next time read all of the previous posts before you say something. P.S. NO DUH they were overage. If they weren't Larry would be in prison right now getting raped by other inmates.

I did read all of the other posts but I don't memorise every single little word and don't reread them all every time I pay a visit to a thread. The comment you made in that particular post was pretty blunt and was pretty easy to misinterpret. I apologise if it seemed that I leapt down your throat about it. As of last night i've seen every Larry Clarke movie other than Teenage Caveman (I saw Ken Park and although shocking it didn't really offend me...it was a good movie with a legitimate message) and i'm starting to tire of reading the same old criticisms of his movies. The guy is a talented film-maker. It's more than likely that Teenage Caveman was deliberately trashy (i'm really gonna have to track down a copy and see it just so I can better understand why it's got under the skin of so many schmoes). Loathe as I am to suggest this as I do respect everyone who posts here, I think it's possible that a lot of schmoes have been so exuberant in their panning of this flick because Arrow was so scathing in his attack. Arrow hated Bully too. He just has a major hate on for Larry Clarke and his movies. I don't agree with his reasons for hating Bully. It was a powerful and intelligently directed movie and the nudity, whether necessary or not, didn't offend me. Nudity doesn't offend me. Ever. Anyway...i'm sorry if I jumped the gun with my previous post. I understand the point you were making now. I just don't think it's a valid one. Battle Royale for example has a bunch of teenagers brutally killing each other and it has been championed on these boards as a stunning achievement (something I agree with...Battle Royale was a masterpiece). Anyway...i'll see Teenage Caveman soon as I can and will post my opinion. Won't it be amusing if I fucking hate it? :D

[countchocula]

MINOR SPOILER FOR VISITOR Q

Originally posted by pyscho dude
The Characters are young teenagers not the actors.

Did you have the same reservations about American Pie? I'm with Psychocandy in that despising Larry Clark has almost become trendy. Why didn't anyone admonish Takashi Miike for making Visitor Q, a film that features a graphic sex scene between a man and his TEENAGE DAUGHTER?

[The Claw]

Originally posted by countchocula
MINOR SPOILER FOR VISITOR Q



Did you have the same reservations about American Pie? I'm with Psychocandy in that despising Larry Clark has almost become trendy.

Fucking trendwhores!

[pyscho dude]

Countchocula I've never seen American Pie so I can't comment. Also Pyschocandy I understand how you got that and I apologize for sounding like an asshole in that reply. Also I've never even heard of Visitor Q so I can't comment on that also.

[Requiem-for-a-Dream]

Visitor Q has a purpose, Teenage Caveman does not. American Pie is a well made comedy and is never truly exploitative. The Shannon Elizabeth sequence isn't graphic and although it is gratuitous, it's not Larry Clarke. Not to talk bad about the dude who gave us the two amazing flicks Kids and Bully, he just has to learn that his style should change according to what movie he's making. Teenage Caveman shouldn't have been a softcore porn but it was. And Psycho dude, don't apologize, you made yourself completely clear.

Matt

[countchocula]

Well, I'm sure that Larry Clark felt that it had a point. One could argue that the extended orgy sequence was necessary to depict the corruption of the characters' naive mindsets. They stumble upon newfound decadence and aren't mature enough to know how to handle it. As trashy as it is, you can spot the social relevance and you can justify the film's explicit nature. But I agree that Clark should have just dropped the act and approached the project as a monster movie. Nothing more, nothing less.

[pyscho dude]

Now I know that it was Larry's fault for this film being so trashy but what about the screenwriter? I mean it could've been rewritten but the script was kept the way it was. Also what company would even approve of a script like this and claim it as being a horror film?

[Requiem-for-a-Dream]

Well the creature features series was done by approaching each of the directors and letting them do it their way. Larry Clarke stated in an interview that he was contacted to make the movie and he was allowed to do what he wanted. Knowing what his past movies have been like, I wonder why they decided to ask him?

Anyway, I do understand the point of the film and if the film were done in a more intelligent manner it could have been quite brilliant. The problem is, we've seen it all before in Clarke's other films but much better. Teenage Caveman is poorly written as well with some of the worst lines I've EVER heard. The gore kicks serious ass but without the proper skills, this movie is pure shit. I'm looking forward to Ken Park but I hope he never ventures into the horror genre again.

Matt

[pyscho dude]

Yeah you gotta point. The film does have a strong message but it was just delievered way too explicitly. But still it makes me wonder why the company would even accept Larry after knowing what he did before.