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View Full Version : Another Badly Made 'Comedy'


TheJadedGamer
09-28-2003, 10:40 PM
Like my failed script 'One Friday Night', I don't plan on this being any good.



SLACKER (Tentitive Title)

Anthony 'Ant' Bruce is a slacker. He sits around all day doing nothing but watching movies, play video games, skateboard, and smoke pot. Everything is going good, especially his relationship with the beautiful Kaydence.

But not now. Kaydence has just broken up with him, whining about how she is never treated fairly. He has also just woke up to the news of his friend Gene found dead with a dick in one hand and a computer screen with animal sex on it. To make things worse, his girlfriend is also dating inline skating prick Rusty.

With the image of getting back with Kaydence, Ant finally awakes in his life. He is now on a mission to get his girlfriend back and make his Saturday good again.



Yes, it is crappy...again. But I want to *try* and make this better than the last comedy script. Maybe I SHOULD stick with horror scripts.

The Alchemist
09-29-2003, 06:37 AM
Your confidence in your own project is truly an inspiration to us all. I'm just going to agree with you - it sucks. Happy?

James Logan
09-29-2003, 12:12 PM
Originally posted by The Alchemist
Your confidence in your own project is truly an inspiration to us all. I'm just going to agree with you - it sucks. Happy?

He may be, but I'm not. We're supposed to help the guy, remember?

I actually thought this little synopsis sounded funny. Maybe it's just me, but if you got some gags up your sleeve, this could make a decent poop-fart comedy, I sense. ;)

Ronaldinho
09-29-2003, 01:05 PM
Okay, let's start with a simple question:

Why do we like Ant?

Because you described him as being, basically, a total loser. But you clearly want us to have sympathy for him, since you talk about how his girlfriend whines.

So that's the first question, and the second question is:

What's the "stuff" of the comedy made of?

From what you've written, you could take this in a couple of different directions. Maybe we're laughing at how stupid Ant is the whole time. Or maybe we're laughing because we recognize in his problems exagerated versions of our own. or maybe... I don't know. But in this sort of comedy all the jokes are really made out of the same "stuff." So you need to figure out what the source of thehumor is going to be, and write to that.

TheJadedGamer
09-29-2003, 05:20 PM
The overall premise is Mallrats meets <BLANK>. If any of you even read my last comedy script, it really sucks ass. BUT, I'm going to try and make this one good.

Ronaldinho
09-29-2003, 05:52 PM
Originally posted by TheJadedGamer
The overall premise is Mallrats meets <BLANK>.

Well, that's a problem.

A, because I haven't seen Mallrats, and B, because even if I have, that's only half a premise.

It's the blank that I'm talking about. I don't think you yourself know what this story is, yet.

Go back and try to answer the questions I posed in my last post. They are non-trivial. You don't have to answer them to my satisfaction, but you better answer them to your own-- failure to do so will basically guarantee that this script isn't any good, either.

TheJadedGamer
09-29-2003, 09:46 PM
I've decided..........basically its going to be a mixture of all the Kevin Smith flicks. (But I still think the idea kind of sucks, but I'm going to try and write it anyway)

Ronaldinho
09-30-2003, 12:45 AM
Originally posted by TheJadedGamer
I've decided..........basically its going to be a mixture of all the Kevin Smith flicks.

Why?

Why do you think you can out-Kevin Smith Kevin Smith? Why even try?

Why not create characters that you know from your life, rather than his films, so that what we end up with isn't another rehashed Kevin Smithmovie but a brand new JadedGamer movie?

Ares2907
09-30-2003, 01:09 AM
Further to this, you admit that your idea 'sucks'.
If you know this, why spend any time on it at all? Why not, as Ron said, come up with an original idea that you identify with? Something meaningful to you.

Time is the only commodity you cannot get any more of. It's that simple. If you spend your time on something that you don't believe in, that's time you'll never get back.

Lynn Minmei
09-30-2003, 01:29 AM
I like the part about an inline skating jerk. I giggled.

James Logan
09-30-2003, 12:48 PM
Originally posted by TheJadedGamer
(But I still think the idea kind of sucks, but I'm going to try and write it anyway)

C'mon, man, cut the self pity. ;) Be a warrior. You had this idea, try making it good, if you took a little time to post it up here it means you have at least a minuscule amount of hope we'll like it. So work at it, and say it sucks after you've done that, not before.

At ease, soldier. :)

TheJadedGamer
09-30-2003, 10:13 PM
Originally posted by Ronaldinho
Why?

Why do you think you can out-Kevin Smith Kevin Smith? Why even try?

Why not create characters that you know from your life, rather than his films, so that what we end up with isn't another rehashed Kevin Smithmovie but a brand new JadedGamer movie?

No, I'm not TRYING to out-Kevin Smith Mr. Smith. I'm trying to write like him since he is one of my biggest idols.

No, the CHARACTERS and STORY are not from his films (though it feels like Mallrats), they are based on, not only my life, but the lifes of people around me.


And yes, James Logan...I am a Joblo Schmoe....I WILL SURVIVE!!!

Ronaldinho
09-30-2003, 11:57 PM
No, I'm not TRYING to out-Kevin Smith Mr. Smith. I'm trying to write like him since he is one of my biggest idols.


Well, the thought of Mr. Smith being on of anyone's biggest idols sort of makes me shudder, but I don't want to digress.

Kevin Smith didn't get where he is by imitating someone else. He didn't say, "I try to write like Cliford Odets, because he's one of my biggest idols!"

(We could only wish Kevin Smith tried to write like Clifford Odets, but that's another story).

He got where he is by finding a voice that was unique: it belonged to no-one else and offered a new perspective on a certain "class" of people.

So, if you want to imitate Mr. Smith, do it like that: find YOUR voice. Find the stories you can tell that no-one else is telling.

It won't sound anything like Kevin Smith.

But, on the other hand, it might sound like something the rest of us want to hear.

Because if we want Kevin Smith, we don't want you.

James Logan
10-01-2003, 05:29 AM
Originally posted by Ronaldinho
Well, the thought of Mr. Smith being on of anyone's biggest idols sort of makes me shudder, but I don't want to digress.



Don't want to digress either, but the man's an idol for me too. And for JoBlo. That's three people who make ya shudder, Ronnie. ;)

Ezikel
10-01-2003, 05:54 AM
Originally posted by TheJadedGamer
Like my failed script 'One Friday Night', I don't plan on this being any good.


Hey Mr Cocky, don't hog all the self confidence, otherwise there won't be any left for the rest of us.

DearMe
10-01-2003, 06:43 AM
I've always thought Kevin Smith-thing is style, rather than substance. I've only watched Dogma and Chasing Amy (which I liked but never really counted them as my ten best films) - both of them were made in a similar style, you know, pop culture references and clever banter, etc, however those two movies had unique underlining substance. I think people need to realise Kevin Smith-thing is merely a choice of style, and they still need to provide their own core substance to the story.

I see the same thing even in Quentin Tarantino inspired writers who ,as far as I can see, think that brutality + profanity + irrelevant popculture references = good Tarantino style, and completely missed the whole point as to why QT movies were so good.

ManWithoutFear
10-01-2003, 01:31 PM
... because as much as I love the guy's films, the world does not need Kevin Smith version 2.0. I trod down the same path... making films that took his style onboard... and failed miserably each time...

Why?

I'm not Kevin Smith... and I don't have his experiences. I have my own experiences... hopes... dreams... friends... worries... all of which (hopefully) make my films unique. I write characters and stories that interest me...

Just write what comes naturally, and damn the consequences. Hell, the least that can happen is you'll like it... and that's all that really matters...

Well, that and a truck-load of cash... but I'll take personal satisfaction anyday...

PS... the script sounds good, but chuck in a few surprising jokes and some depth to nail it.

Ronaldinho
10-01-2003, 04:08 PM
Originally posted by James Logan
Don't want to digress either, but the man's an idol for me too. And for JoBlo. That's three people who make ya shudder, Ronnie. ;)

Ah, well, there's no accounting for taste.

Well, let me clarify.

If you enjoy his films, great. More power to you. I'm not really commenting on that.

But the thing is that aside from his particular brand of wit, they're really terrible films. The level of craft on display is abysmal-- even in his later work, like Dogma. He generally gets poor performances, he doesn't shoot scenes in an interesting way, the scripts are full of clunky, unactable dialog and tons of dull exposition.

And if you think it's fun and enjoy it--hey, knock yourself out. I mean, "The Hot Chick" made $35 million and next to that Dogma looks like a Goddard film.

But aside from the vibe, the, "Hey, Kevin Smith's just a regular guy, and I'm a regular guy, so I can do this, too!" I think Kevin Smith is one of the worst people to try to learn anything about filmmaking from. Without his inside jokes and his particular observational humor, there's really nothing there. Even Dogma-- man, that film only qualifies as deep if your knowledge of cinema starts with "Return of the Jedi."

He's a celebrity. At this point, his films are guaranteed a certain amount of success (not unlike Tarantino) regardless of their quality, because he's famous. (His cameo in "Daredevil" got the biggest cheer in the entire film.)

And if that's what you want-- if you want to be celebrated basically for being you-- be absurdly famous, date Joey Lauren Adams, etc. Well, first of all, you better get lucky. Because the "aspiring Kevin Smith" crowd is bigger than the "aspiring Quentin Tarantino" crowd. And second of all, well, it really doesn't matter what I think. Either you're funny in some really bizzarely unique way that connects to a major subculture, or you're not.

Are you?

I guess it plays into the fantasy. "Man, I'll just get discovered, and then I'll move to Hollywood, and hang out with Ben Affleck, and..."

I guess it's one of those things. You have to ask yourself if you want to be a filmmaker or if you want to be a celebrity.

Hm. Where's that come from.
[/Rant].

Oh, I left that tag open. Sorry. Now back to your regularly scheduled discussion.

ManWithoutFear
10-01-2003, 04:51 PM
... I must also strongly disagree.

Many of the points you made are valid. Kevin Smith is not what I would call a 'talented' director, in the sense that he lacks the eye... the vision... and the general know-how of Fincher et al, who are master's at the craft.

But it's a bit much to knock the films for that. Kevin Smith (in my view; and probably his) strength's lie in writing, at which he is fiendishly clever. His films have a wit and imagination that put many others to shame. Knock Dogma all you want (and as a fan I see many faults), but don't knock the films completely for the director's faults.

Additionally, I do not quite get the 'bad performances' vibe. Personally I feel that his performances come to life with a burst, actually feeling like real people instead of cartoon characters.

Thirdly, I would let this guy go down whatever path he wants to go down... but he should twist and mould so that the stories he tells become an extension of him... rather than a copy-cat of Smith...

TheJadedGamer
10-01-2003, 05:20 PM
Could we stop the Kevin Smith bashing!?

Ares2907
10-01-2003, 11:17 PM
Compared with what could be said, these guys are being nice.
It's hard to hear your idols getting bashed. Especially when what's being said is true. Suck it up. You could learn something valuable.

TheJadedGamer
10-02-2003, 05:07 PM
No, I've heard FAR worse than this.