Movies that deserve RANTS [Archive] - Movie Fan Central Discussion Forums

deatheater

11-11-2003, 07:16 PM

If theres any movie you fill like picking apart and wishing to tear it to pieces speak you HATE here.Thank you.If you say a movie please do not trash anyone else here on there opinions and no because you like this your an idiot type of lines.Well you know.Enough mumbling bring them down.

JAWS THE REVENGE

An incredibly stupid little movie that The Arrow had described very well.The shark somehow gets from Amity to Bahamas in record setting time.......Has vendeta against the brody Family(akmost expected that when he jumps up in air and does his Simba act that he would pull out a machin gun and fire away).I HATE THIS MOVIE!The shark attacks suck.............the Acting sucks.......The story line sucks.................Movie was just an incredible bore.
.5/10

Cronos

11-12-2003, 06:45 AM

all the Jaws sequels are shit though, and pointless, they're basically remakes disguised as continuations on the story

therealjohng

11-12-2003, 04:24 PM

Originally posted by Cronos
all the Jaws sequels are shit though, and pointless, they're basically remakes disguised as continuations on the story

Oh come on, 2 was pretty decent. It was at least a sufficent follow up. Now 3 sucked (Except for the, "You talkin' bout some damn shark's motha?" part). And yes, 4 was absolute shit. And to think Michael Caine ditched the Oscar's to shoot this piece of shit. Oh yeah, he actually won that year as well.

Lynn7

11-12-2003, 10:55 PM

I really hated the Cider House Rules. It started out so great- loved the Tobey McGuire and Michael Caine stuff in the orphanage and the kids were so likeable. Then, he leaves and goes off with Charlize Theron and her boyfriend and the whole film becomes an abortion promo- which makes no sense since they have all of these cute orphaned kids who could've also been aborted at one point. Even the McGuire character could have been aborted.

Anyway, I thought the film was ultra manipulative and then the story basically just sucked after the first part. I guess I wouldn't care so much except sometimes when a movie starts and seems like it is going to be great, my expectations raise too high.

Sparrow

11-13-2003, 07:58 AM

Home Room. Saw it yesterday, expecting it to be good but it was one of the worst, most cliched movies I've ever seen. I ranted about it in a different thread yesterday saying it was like a two hour afterschool special, a really bad one.

Dead Halloween

11-13-2003, 09:02 AM

Teaching Mrs Tingle.

I hate that movie!:mad:

Draccoca

11-13-2003, 10:25 AM

Cabin Fever, the movie had soo many plotholes that the director should be shot.

Erin123

11-14-2003, 12:09 AM

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen :mad: There wasn't anything extraordinary about this movie...except how much it sucked.

bowieee

11-14-2003, 07:16 AM

Originally posted by Erin123
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen :mad: There wasn't anything extraordinary about this movie...except how much it sucked.

Oh so true.

Annie Hall

11-14-2003, 08:21 AM

Bounce.

Manipulative, stupid, unoriginal...Affleck needs to STAY AWAY from romantic dramas.

Erin123

11-16-2003, 09:09 PM

Also....Zoolander :mad:

Jokes coming from a billion miles away, poor plot and bad acting! Don't get me wrong, I respect Ben Stiller...but this movie is the worst movie I have EVER seen.

Tom Samborski

11-16-2003, 11:18 PM

I found Being John Malkovich to be overrated. The first half hour was funny, with the small office floor and cheesy video, along with our first glimpses into Mr.Malkovich's body. But it then got way too quirky and too confusing for me to enjoy, it wasn't a comedy anymore, it was a mindfuck that got over the top. I'm not a fan of quirky comedies, I like simple comedies that just deliver the plot straight out. To some, I may be mentally challenged in this situation, but concepts like going into an actor's brain just don't work for a "mindfuck" movie IMO. I want to know why this was such a "masterpiece", because it just became pointless like an 12-minute SNL skit in the end.

Son Gohan

11-17-2003, 02:22 AM

While watching Almost Famous I Almost fell a sleep! That movie was so boring, stupid and lame (hows that for constructive critism?)

Best rock movie ever my ass!

Shockwave

11-17-2003, 07:33 AM

Cast anothe vote for "LXG"

The funny thing was, after seeing the movie i read the comic to see if it was any better then that dreadful peice of crap and wound up loving it.:eek:

Which in turn, only made me hate the film more.:p

my_name_is_neo

11-19-2003, 04:09 PM

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Back when I first rented this movie a while ago, I was expecting something that, at the very least, approaches the quality of the games the movie is based on(which I happen to be a HUGE fan of).

Can you say, "massive letdown"?

The dialogue sounded like it was written by a 7-year-old, the plot was lame (at least when compared to those of the games), the voice acting was BEYOND stiff & wooden, and it was entirely obvious that the movie was made just so the company could show how great the animation was (which, admittedly, was about the only good part of the movie). This movie is proof that a movie shouldn't be made solely to showcase special effects.

Not only that, but the company decided to give the fans even more of a slap to the face by completely ignoring every single one of the games' trademarks. It's as if the makers of the movie thought, "boy, this movie sucks - hey, I got it! Let's slap 'Final Fantasy' on the title and fool pople into coming to see it!" Unfortunately, it worked (on me, anyway).

my_name_is_neo

11-19-2003, 04:55 PM

Oh, and another one -

Freddy Got Fingered

Now, gross-out humor can be funny (just watch a movie like Scary Movie or American Pie for examples). But just throwing disgusting things in for the sole purpose of the shock value isn't. Tom Green apparently didn't know this. How is someone gutting an animal's corpse and playing around in it's remains "funny"? Or a child graphically getting seriously injured? Or someone jacking off various animals? Seriously, HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT FUNNY????? To be honest, I almost found this movie to be deeply disturbing.

(BTW, I don't mean any offence at all to anyone who liked this movie - I'm not implying that anyone who liked this movie is a sicko or anything - I mean, comedy is a very subjective thing, after all, so if you found this funny, that's perfectly okay)

KcMsterpce

11-19-2003, 10:59 PM

Originally posted by my_name_is_neo
Oh, and another one -

Freddy Got Fingered

<Kc's reaction: !!>

Now, gross-out humor can be funny (just watch a movie like Scary Movie or American Pie for examples). But just throwing disgusting things in for the sole purpose of the shock value isn't.

<Kc looks around to see if anyone notices he's blushing>

Tom Green apparently didn't know this. How is someone gutting an animal's corpse and playing around in it's remains "funny"?

<Kc shrinks farther into his chair>

Or a child graphically getting seriously injured? Or someone jacking off various animals? Seriously, HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT FUNNY????? To be honest, I almost found this movie to be deeply disturbing.

<Kc curls into a fetal position and starts to whimper silently to himself>

(BTW, I don't mean any offence at all to anyone who liked this movie - I'm not implying that anyone who liked this movie is a sicko or anything - I mean, comedy is a very subjective thing, after all, so if you found this funny, that's perfectly okay)

<Kc sits back up, regains his composure and starts to type>

Dude, you're right. If any movie deserves a rant, it's this one. I feel the same way on why you dislike it so much. I did not even crack a grin ONCE in this flick. What's even funnier is how much everyone I know seems to hate it just as much as the two of us. Now that I've made it public that I hate this 'movie' so much, I will now take it off of my "Favorite Movie" list because it's a joke that was funnier than the movie itself, and it's not even FUNNY!

That's my contribution to your rant.

I just wanted someone to look at my Favorite Movie list below my avatar and gasp in horror and raise their eyes in fear when they see Freddy Got Fingered and that other movie I put up. I don't remember what it is right now, but nm it doesn't matter.

Lynn7

11-19-2003, 11:21 PM

Tom, I really agree about Being John Malkovich. It was a cute concept that went nowhere.

HeavyK

11-29-2003, 09:16 PM

Originally posted by Erin123
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen :mad: There wasn't anything extraordinary about this movie...except how much it sucked.

ROTFLMAO! :p. Good one guy.

m ali

11-29-2003, 10:01 PM

Sinbad legend of the seven seas that movie was horrible just horrible.

The TZA

11-30-2003, 08:56 AM

Originally posted by my_name_is_neo
Oh, and another one -

Freddy Got Fingered

Now, gross-out humor can be funny (just watch a movie like Scary Movie or American Pie for examples). But just throwing disgusting things in for the sole purpose of the shock value isn't. Tom Green apparently didn't know this. How is someone gutting an animal's corpse and playing around in it's remains "funny"? Or a child graphically getting seriously injured? Or someone jacking off various animals? Seriously, HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT FUNNY????? To be honest, I almost found this movie to be deeply disturbing.

(BTW, I don't mean any offence at all to anyone who liked this movie - I'm not implying that anyone who liked this movie is a sicko or anything - I mean, comedy is a very subjective thing, after all, so if you found this funny, that's perfectly okay)

Freddy Got Fingered is one of the funniest films I've ever seen. I didn't think the horse masturbating was particularly great, but I thought the use of elephant masturbating in the story was rather moving and intelligent.

"Get the fuck outta the way!!"
"Daddy would you like a sausage..."
"I'm the backwards man, the backwards man..."

Priceless.

Also that kid tripping up and smashing his face on the car door was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Bring on Freddy 2.

slasherfan

11-30-2003, 09:06 AM

Crack another one up for Freddy Got Fingered, I totally agree with what My_Name_is_Neo said. I have nothing agains't gross out humor, hell, I love gross out humor, as long as it's funny. FGF had no good jokes, zero story line (Hell Scary Movie 1 and 2 had more of a plot then this did). I just sat there bored most of the time, not even the did where it gutted the animal and played with it's intrails appealed to me (I'm a gore fan) there was no reason for him to do it, it just made me feel that the guy belonged in an instatution!
FUCK OFF TOM GREEN!!!!!!

Home Alone 4
Even at 21 I admite I love the first three Home Alone movies but the forth one is a piece of shit, it's terrible and boring, there are so many things wrong with it that I couldn't go into each one.
Using the same characters as the first one with different actors was a mistake! The booby traps in this one sucked, there was only like three of them! AUGH And they wheren't inventive, bring back over the top traps!!!!

The TZA

11-30-2003, 09:12 AM

Can I just add that I normally HATE gross-out films; Scary Movie and American Pie for me were appalling and unfunny on so many different levels. I think Freddy was funny for me because it just felt like Tom Green was just playing a big joke on everyone - there wasn't supposed to be a plot, or any wit, it was just him being a fool. I loved his old show too.

On Home Alone - I LOVE the original still, Lost in NY was good too. I gave up halfway through the third and the fourth one just looks like garbage.

slasherfan

11-30-2003, 03:29 PM

Well I can repect your opinion about Freddy Got Fingered.
I like Home Alone 3, I guess I'll have to class it as a guilty pleasure! Your wise to stear clear of Home Alone 4, pure shit!
MAybe they'll make a Home Alone 5: Lost IN Neverland where a kid gets left at Neverland over night and he must set up booby traps to protect himself from Michael Jackson and his peadofile buddies!!!

studlyhorrorbuf

11-30-2003, 11:37 PM

I would have to say "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace." This film disgraced the franchise and I am no longer a "Star Wars" fan because of this film.

What was George Lucas thinking he could still write after sisteen years? The dialogue was so weak in this film. It should have been called "The Phantom Script." This film was too childish for even my tastes, considering I still like video games.

The pod race was predictable, unthrilling and non-suspenseful. I wasn't even worried when Anakin was having trouble with his pod.

Lucas sucks the big one when it comes to directing. He can not do comedy. Jar Jar Binks is a modern day abomination. The dumb and annoying way he moves and every word that came out of his mouth was torture on the ears. It made me wish I could do my own Jedi mind trick and strangle Jar Jar Binks from afar. Either that or light him on fire. Basically what wasn't annoying about Jar Jar Binks? Was Lucas drunk or on drugs to think Jar Jar Binks was actuallly funny?

Any ways, this movie sucks so bad that it is pointless to bring up all the negative racial stereotypes in the film.

Shockwave

12-01-2003, 12:26 AM

This film was too childish for even my tastes, considering I still like video games.

I was with u untill u said that. Your never to old to like video games! Just play with moderation.

studlyhorrorbuf

12-01-2003, 12:54 AM

Originally posted by Shockwave
I was with u untill u said that. Your never to old to like video games! Just play with moderation.

Perhaps you are right. Even though I was put down in high school for liking them.

Do you know though on the Am I Annoying web site you would be listed (if a celebrity) as might be annoying if you play video games, read comic books, or play golf. I know this because Freddy Prinze Jr. is listed as might be annoying for reading comic books and playing Playstation at his age.

Not trying to put you (or any other video game lover) down in any way. Just letting you know where I come from in my thinking. Studly Horror Buf out.

The Rain Dog

12-01-2003, 01:08 AM

First Knight.

God I hate that fucking film - not only is everything very BLUE, but theybasically grabbed a few of the main characters of the Arthurian legend and wrote their own fucking story.

Pisses me off.

RD

The TZA

12-01-2003, 07:27 AM

Originally posted by studlyhorrorbuf
I would have to say "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace." This film disgraced the franchise and I am no longer a "Star Wars" fan because of this film.

What was George Lucas thinking he could still write after sisteen years? The dialogue was so weak in this film. It should have been called "The Phantom Script." This film was too childish for even my tastes, considering I still like video games.

The pod race was predictable, unthrilling and non-suspenseful. I wasn't even worried when Anakin was having trouble with his pod.

Lucas sucks the big one when it comes to directing. He can not do comedy. Jar Jar Binks is a modern day abomination. The dumb and annoying way he moves and every word that came out of his mouth was torture on the ears. It made me wish I could do my own Jedi mind trick and strangle Jar Jar Binks from afar. Either that or light him on fire. Basically what wasn't annoying about Jar Jar Binks? Was Lucas drunk or on drugs to think Jar Jar Binks was actuallly funny?

Any ways, this movie sucks so bad that it is pointless to bring up all the negative racial stereotypes in the film.

Yeah that film was shit, but so were the first three. Attack of the Clones is the worst movie ever made in my opinion, I've never laughed so hard and for all the wrong reasons.

Tweek

12-04-2003, 08:03 PM

Daredevil
How to Deal
Charlie's Angels 2

goodgodman

12-22-2003, 12:03 AM

speaking of laughing hard for all the wrong reasons...
THe Matrix 3. Saw that with my best friend and fucking laughed our asses off. We were trying not to disturb anyone really, we weren't being obnoxious but come on. that scene where that sentinal guy (whats his name the bad guy) comes and talks to the oracle. omg omg.
"i bet you know what im thinking before i thought that i was thinking that you knew that i was thinking before i knew that i was coming in that door thinking that you knew what i was thinking before i was thinking

LOLOLOL im sorry. i know there are a lot of matrix fans and thats perfectly fine, but there were way too many scenes like this.

SkyNet

12-22-2003, 12:29 AM

SkyNet

12-22-2003, 12:31 AM

The Pledge

had high hopes.. but if you're gonna make a movie.. please god... FUCKING MAKE AN ENDING!!

Spoilers:

Dont have the main bad guy dude.. driving to go molest a girl.. and the girl is surrounded by cops and jack nicolson and everything ready to bust this dudes ass... and have the perv drive down the street.. get hit or whatever by a damn truck.. have the car fly off a hill and have the bad guy burn to death in the car. That ending just felt like.. Beginning.. Middle..middle... middle...middle.. CREDITS

And mark me under one of the peeps who loved freddyGot Fingered! This was his movie and anyone who watches his shows knows that he does things to fuck with ppl.. and thats what this movie was... a way for him to fuck with Film Critics around the world! So that the first words out of ppl's mouths were "Fuck i just wasted 85 minutes of my life"!

Home Alone 4 did suck tho.. especially now that someone brought up something i blocked out my memory.. that they tried to use the sae characters from the original 2 flicks!

ToRontoRon

12-22-2003, 12:44 AM

Originally posted by goodgodman
speaking of laughing hard for all the wrong reasons...
THe Matrix 3. Saw that with my best friend and fucking laughed our asses off. We were trying not to disturb anyone really, we weren't being obnoxious but come on. that scene where that sentinal guy (whats his name the bad guy) comes and talks to the oracle. omg omg.
"i bet you know what im thinking before i thought that i was thinking that you knew that i was thinking before i knew that i was coming in that door thinking that you knew what i was thinking before i was thinking

LOLOLOL im sorry. i know there are a lot of matrix fans and thats perfectly fine, but there were way too many scenes like this.

(Trying to repress his blinding rage). Okay, to each his own, but I disagree. That scene, and in particular the point Smith is making, tied in with something the Merovingian says earlier in the movie, and the ending that comes later, is quite important to the plot. I think Revolutions is spectacular and brilliant. But I digress...

The movie that I absolutely loathe is Serial Mom. I know it's just meant to be a satire, but I found the way everyone responded to this serial killer mom as completely unrealistic and aggravating. Worst of all, it's supposed to be a comedy and I literally didn't even smirk once. 0/10.

Duke Nukem

12-22-2003, 12:20 PM

Okay, I have an official movie to rant (sorry, but most of the movies ranted above were not THAT bad): The Mask...2! That's right, there's a now sequel to the Jim Carrey classic. I just saw its trailer yesterday...and it was awful! So awful that it easily beats out the so-called "movies that deserve to be ranted about" on the previous posts on this thread. I heard a while back that Jamie Kennedy might be filling Mr. Carrey's shoes in this new film. Judging from the trailer, I can see how that could happen. So, if you people REALLY want a movie to RANT about, this movie is it...The Mask 2! Just check out its trailer...its getting a lot of viewers mad. I'm one of them.

my_name_is_neo

12-22-2003, 03:53 PM

Originally posted by Duke Nukem
Okay, I have an official movie to rant (sorry, but most of the movies ranted above were not THAT bad): The Mask...2! That's right, there's a now sequel to the Jim Carrey classic. I just saw its trailer yesterday...and it was awful! So awful that it easily beats out the so-called "movies that deserve to be ranted about" on the previous posts on this thread. I heard a while back that Jamie Kennedy might be filling Mr. Carrey's shoes in this new film. Judging from the trailer, I can see how that could happen. So, if you people REALLY want a movie to RANT about, this movie is it...The Mask 2! Just check out its trailer...its getting a lot of viewers mad. I'm one of them.

Oh, fuck, definitely. I mean, HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. There's a box-office bomb if I ever fucking saw one! Did some law get passed that they have to do sequels to every old Jim Carrey movie without Carrey (this, as well as Dumb & Dumberer, and I heard a rumour that they were planning to make Ace Ventura 3)? Not to mention that this looks even worse than Dumb & Dumberer did! Honestly, it looks like a movie idea Homer Simpson would think up on an episode of The Simpsons!

Words just can't describe how fucking awful this movie looks, so here's a link to the thread that holds the trailer (http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=68379) for anyone who wants to see for themself (but don't say you weren't warned about it).

LiquidSalt

01-02-2004, 05:45 PM

I rented Gigli just to have a good laugh at its stupidity.

It worked.

Mr.HyDe807

01-02-2004, 06:11 PM

OH....MY..GOD....why does Martin Lawerence do these gay-ass movies? I cant see anyone laughing when watching that movie. :mad:

Raoul Duke

01-03-2004, 01:27 PM

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

National Security

Toxic Avenger. What the fuck is so popular about this movie? It was a horrible piece of crap! I bet all the Troma flicks are like this.

studlyhorrorbuf

01-03-2004, 01:36 PM

Originally posted by Raoul Duke

Toxic Avenger. What the fuck is so popular about this movie? It was a horrible piece of crap! I bet all the Troma flicks are like this.

The action scenes in "The Toxic Avenger" were quite humorous and cool to me. It is a cool film just as long as you don't take it seriously.

LiquidSalt

01-12-2004, 11:53 AM

The Home Alone series.

So...beyond...dumb.

Mr.HyDe807

01-13-2004, 11:00 PM

Urban LEgends : FInal Cut
JUST SAY NO KIDS!

Duke Nukem

01-13-2004, 11:08 PM

Originally posted by Mr.HyDe807
Urban LEgends : FInal Cut
JUST SAY NO KIDS!

You can say that again. The worst of the so-called "teeney-bopper" horror fad of 1996-2001.

Cottonmouth

01-30-2004, 10:12 PM

Tank Girl (1995)

Stars: Lori Petty, Naomi Watts, and Malcolm McDowell

Why: I don't know if anyone else remembers this movie, but it comes on every once in a while. The Main Beef: TaNK G!RL has to be one of the most rauchiest, out there, over the top, comics around and I'm surprised at how laid back and toned down it was.

Tank Girl is chocked with lewd behavior and language, all in good fun. Here, she's reduced to corny, kindergarten talk and fuck was only said once...and edited out. No nudity, no crude language, it was like PG-13 Disney.

I think that if the studio decided to make this movie, they should've known what they where getting themselves into. I saw this movie before I knew it was a comic and thought it was that kind of "ok" just below "ok", but after I found out, I damn near laughed out loud.

The acting was good though, campy enough.

Fuckin' Ridiculous.

http://www.y2krunch.com/tankgirl/images/peepshow/gal_misc/shootinghead.jpg?SSImageQuality=Full

Squirrel_X

02-02-2004, 03:54 AM

Originally posted by The TZA
Yeah that film was shit, but so were the first three. Attack of the Clones is the worst movie ever made in my opinion, I've never laughed so hard and for all the wrong reasons.

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! Did I read this correctly!?!??!?! Did you just say that the first three Star Wars films were shit?!?! OMFG...I am just totally amazed here, I thought the only people that didn't like the Star Wars movies were a)people that didn't understand them (very small percentage) b)people that haven't seen them yet don't like them anyway (larger percentage) and c) people that have seen them yet pretend not to like them just because they are sci-fi (read: nerdish) and don't fit in with "societal norms" of fart jokes and toilet humor (which I do enjoy, btw.) I am dumbfounded and can reply no further. HOTH IN DA HOUSE!

Also, Toxic Avenger is the SHIT. Man that movie rocks. It brings back fond memories of watching it when I was but a lad and seeing my first glimpse of breasts on TV as well as my first glimpse of over-the-top graphic violence (the kid getting splatted by the car is the best). It was at this moment that I knew that I was a heterosexual red-blooded American male. GO TROMA GO!

artguylarry

02-23-2004, 03:13 AM

Oh, dear GOD, what was he thinking?!?!?!? I thought that Stephen King was the master of all things horrific!

SPOILERS
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A couple of observations here:
In this attempt at a horror film, apparently we are to be terrified by a creature that FIRST of all is preceded by nasty belches, farts and diarrhea, and then (and THEN???) crawls out of your ass and turns out to be something resembling a crawling penis...with a vagina on its head...with TEETH! What the fuck?!?!?

Then, there's the CLASSIC scene, amidst the action surrounding the end climax that goes a little something like this:

HENRY (speaking out into the thin air): Come on, Jonesy, pick up the phone and dial "1-800-HENRY"
(his gun rings and becomes a working phone)
END SPOILERS

Is King on the wagon or something??? Because if he is, he needs to hop off now and get back to his old style of writing. I reluctantly forgave him for SLEEPWALKERS, but now he has gone too far into the "stupid forest."