Hilarious Experiences

[Invincible]

Alrighty, this is an experience I will remember forever LOL, until a better one comes up.

I went to see The Hulk on June 22. My two friends and I, sat by the projector booth, way on top. This really f'd up family came in lol, they were like hicks, about 5 of 'em. One of them was coughing so fuckin much like he was dying lol. Then one of them just shouted 'Shuwt yow pah-holes' lol. Then one of the kids from the family sat somewhere in the front about like 2 rows from where we sat, and his dad was arguing with him to come sit with him.

The family was just fucked up, It may not sound hilarious in text, but if you were there...LOL you'd die laughing.

That guy with the cough almost killed us, he coughed and coughed throughout the movie. It was funny.


Any hilarious stuff you had happen to you? :D

[moviemuffin]

Coughing seems somehow incredibly humorless to me.

Parents who bitch at their children to sit with them seem pathetic. It sounds like you are an optimist, or at least more patient than I am. Coughers would make me cranky and pissed off at the germs and noise and parents with their children are, in almost every instance, just fucking brutally stupid at eachother. I pardon adults with children at kiddie shows, but usually if I am and terrifyingly clueless. They hate everything, talk over everything, and have absolutely no sense of etiquette in the theater. Unfortunately the manager (who is 30-something and very nice) NEVER wants to confront them because he, like me, was raised to "respect his elders."

Well, at a showing of Lost in Translation this one old blue haired bitch who is ALWAYS there and NEVER shuts up really got her seeing something in the evening or a non-kiddie flick in the afternoon and a family comes in I know I will soon be plotting ways to kill them and hide the bodies beneath the popcorn refuse in the dumpster. (Like I said... patience... yadda yadda...)

My favorite laughs are when assholes get thrown out. OMG I live for it. It's actually one of the few occurances in my adult life that will illicit an genuine "woo woo" and festive hand gesture.

There were some obnoxious teens who arrived en masse and insisted on exchanging hugs during the trailers at Gothika. They screamed and shouted at the screen for the first half and got booted. The rest of the movie-goers cheered as they were escorted out. Best part of that crappy movie.

Similarly, I frequent an arthouse theater in a kind of snooty area not far from me. I love the place, but any weekend evening show is packed with well-off senior citizens who are excruciatingly rude whine on. She kept tsking and sighing disapprovingly, and made repeated loud remarks about how she "didn't understand this movie at all." The manager finally found his gonads and quietly asked her to leave. She made a fuss and he got pretty shirty with her. When she finally gave in and left in a huff people clapped. AND he offered to let anyone who felt the movie was spoiled a free screening at the next show.

Best part... she was at the Brigham's Ice Cream Parlor where a bunch of us turned up afterward complaining and half a dozen old-timers who'd been in the theater told her off.

I left there grinning like an idiot, feeling like I'd just stormed the Bastille. It was like this exhilerating triumph of the faithful over the spoilers of the universe.

[Invincible]

Originally posted by moviemuffin
Coughing seems somehow incredibly humorless to me.



Then you should've heard how it sounded...:D

[ParileseMonster]

I love my father. He is not afraid to put anyone in their place or say anything at someone annoying in a theatre. He went to see a movie recently where this person was constantly popping their gum non stop for about 30 minutes. My father got up to move seats. He turned around and said "Could you give us a break with the fucking gum?" This of course brings quite a few movie goers to giggle and the gum popper was never heard from again.

[jackson13]

I'll never forget what happened when I went to see Titanic with my parents. 3 kids sat right in front of us, 2 girls and a boy. The girls sat next to each other, with the boy on the right end. About halfway through the movie, they seemed to get bored and started to talk real loud, so I kicked the back of their seats real hard, and jolted them enough to shut up. Then about 5 minutes later, they decided it was popcorn fight time. They were throwing so much popcorn at each other that some flew back and landed on me and my parents. That pissed my mom off royally, and she reached up, with both hands, grabbed each of the girls ponytails, one in each hand, and yanked as hard as possible. The girls screamed out in pain, turned around and saw not just me and my dad, but my mother glaring at them, grabbed thier shit and left. As they left I could hear people around me commenting on 'thank god they left' and 'did you see what that woman just did to those girls?"

Needless to say, my love for my mother grew a little bit more that day.

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by jackson13
I'll never forget what happened when I went to see Titanic with my parents. 3

3?

Okay.

[jackson13]

Originally posted by Lynn Minmei
3?

Okay.

I hit tab when I meant to hit caps and then in the process also hit enter, thus sending the post without being finished. It has been fixed. Thank you.

[C-Desecration-]

Your mom sounds like a bitch, jackson. Well, maybe not that extreme, but does she have anger management issues? The gist that I got was that some girls were enjoying a movie, maybe being a little disruptive, but instead of, I dunno, asking them to hush or something, your mother pulls their hair?
What the fuck?

Sorry, I'm really not trying to start anything, I just was kind of startled by that post.

[Moviefan1234]

Originally posted by C-Desecration-
Sorry, I'm really not trying to start anything, I just was kind of startled by that post.

You have a good point. It sounded awfully extreme. If those girls had any sense they could've started a lawsuit. jackson13, I emphasize that I'm not trying to pick a fight.

[Dead Halloween]

I think those two annoying bitches deserved it, Your Mom rules Jackson13! :D

[BorderEevilIII]

That was an AWESOME story Jackson. Anyone who can't keep quiet should be allowed in movie theaters period. And these 3 kids came to see Titanic by themselves? This reminds me someone I knew went to see Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. People that were in front of them (age wise & who I forget) were sooooooo bored on what was going on screen LEFT. :confused:
That must have been a good $9 spent.

[jackson13]

The girls had been talking/goofing around the entire movie, and after telling them to shut up a few times, the popcorn was the over the top moment and that unleashed the hair pulling. They had it coming if you ask me. People in front of them were complaining as well, and my mom was getting madder and madder and finally did something about it. The girls didnt come back into the theater, so the trick worked.

As for being a bitch, she can be at times, but she doesnt have any anger problems, in fact, shes quite timid. Goes to church every sunday, secretary of her sunday school class, follows rules, doesnt cause trouble. She not really a movie fan, and hardly goes to movies, and she was enjoying this one and unruly kids were fucking it all up for her so after much distraction from the girls, she did something about it. There couldnt have been a lawsuit anyways, the girls had it coming, everyone around them was annoyed, and if they had come back and said anything, everyone around us would have had her back, so to speak.

[ParileseMonster]

Jackson, do not pay any attention to thread poison. That was a great story, thanks for sharing!

[The TZA]

Your mother was lucky, in this day and age all you have to do is look at someone the wrong way and you get sued for "trauma" or "stress" or some other made up bullshit.

If it's a true story then that is cool though, you have no idea how many teenagers I've wanted to behead in a cinema because they're talking or for just being alive.

[C-Desecration-]

I guess it was one of those things where you sort of had to be there to understand it (it=the level of annoyance that the girls caused).

The girls had been talking/goofing around the entire movie, and after telling them to shut up a few times,

See, that wasn't mentioned right off the bat (the shut-up part). Thanks for addressing that, despite the fact that I'm apparently some kind of poison--damn me for having a question! I'll know better next time.

Anyways, I'll go right ahead and steer this thread back on course. I don't really have any knee-slappers to tell though, so it's a vague steer.
Oh, and parilese, lay off on the grudge just a little, all right? This is getting old.

[The TZA]

Yeah that is pretty odd that you were referred to as "poison", especially since no one seemed to care that you called the guy's mum a "bitch" ?!?! Actually, I think that's going to be my new "insult of the week"; everytime someone disses my mum I'm going to call them "poison". Man, I rule so much ass.

On subject - I've loads of funny cinema experiences, but if I wrote them down for you guys they wouldn't be funny because they are "funny if you were there" examples. I think the most I've ever laughed in the cinema was Halloween Ressurection with Busta Rhymes' "Trick or treat.......motherfucker!" bit at the end - hilarious.

But as for an anecdote, well I went with a friend to see Murder by Numbers and this disgusting Kosovon man was talking and just being annoying, so I told him to SHUT THE FUCK UP in a quiet and polite manner, which he did..... for about TWO SECONDS. He then started kissing his girlfriend (rent-a-whore) really loudly to piss me off, and even started smoking. I turned to him again and said to seriously shut up 'cos he was pissing me off, and this time he actually did. Then at the end of the movie he got up and moved as if he was gonna start some static, but he then realised that I was bigger than him, and my friend was twice as big as him, so he forgot about it and left with his slut to go back to the dole office or wherever these losers hang out. Then he said something about my mum so I called him "poison".

[moviemuffin]

While I openly and enthusiastically applaud anyone who tells off a kid who deserves it or gets them removed from the theater, anyone-- ANYONE-- did I mention ANY FUCKING ONE who put their hands on my kid in any setting for any reason would be buried in several pieces around New England.

It's never cool in my opinion. I'm sure we've all been little fuckwads in our lifetimes, particularly during the teenie angst years. I'm equally sure that if anyone had grabbed MY ponytail like that-- no matter how obnoxious I was being, and I could be pretty damned obnoxious in those years-- there would have been a huge waiting line for who got to wreck them first: my mom, my dad, my brothers, or my grandparents.

While it may be amusing to relate these little stories it's also appropriate, I think, to bear in mind that the best thing to do when somebody is being a fuckwad at a movie is to:

a. quietly point out their fuckwadedness
b. give them a second chance
c. get them kicked out if they can't de-fuckwad tut suite
d. laugh really loud and point when that happens
e. mutter "little fuckwad" when they pass on the way out

[C-Desecration-]

But as for an anecdote, well I went with a friend to see Murder by Numbers and this disgusting Kosovon man was talking and just being annoying, so I told him to SHUT THE FUCK UP in a quiet and polite manner, which he did..... for about TWO SECONDS. He then started kissing his girlfriend (rent-a-whore) really loudly to piss me off, and even started smoking. I turned to him again and said to seriously shut up 'cos he was pissing me off, and this time he actually did. Then at the end of the movie he got up and moved as if he was gonna start some static, but he then realised that I was bigger than him, and my friend was twice as big as him, so he forgot about it and left with his slut to go back to the dole office or wherever these losers hang out. Then he said something about my mum so I called him "poison".


That is hilarious. Made my day.
And about the 'bitch' thing (sorry, off course again, but I gotta' say . . .) that's why I quickly did the 'not that extreme' comment. So hopefully you weren't offended jackson. Apologies.

And moviemuffin . . . you are my new favorite schmoe. Cheers.

[Annie Hall]

Because evidently this was "raining on peoples parade". Best to delete it :)

[Dead Halloween]

Who cares? It happened and nothing is gonna change that, now go back to the topic please.

[Annie Hall]

Originally posted by Dead Halloween
Who cares? It happened and nothing is gonna change that, now go back to the topic please.

I may be a bit hazy on this, but...isn't responding to a post in such a way that is still focusing on the experience still on topic? It may not be posting hilarious experiences, but, discussing them is ok. I may be wrong who knows.

Anyway, I don't have an exact hilarious moment...but...I always find it very funny (this happened last night) where everyone chuckles in a movie, and then you hear someone somewhere just guffawing with all of their might...and that makes everyone start laughing all over again.

[ParileseMonster]

Originally posted by Dead Halloween
Who cares? It happened and nothing is gonna change that, now go back to the topic please.

Yes, let's move on. Alot of people have voiced their opinion on that particular movie experience so let's hear some others and comment on those instead of sticking with the same one.

[Invincible]

Originally posted by C-Desecration-
Your mom sounds like a bitch, jackson. Well, maybe not that extreme, but does she have anger management issues? The gist that I got was that some girls were enjoying a movie, maybe being a little disruptive, but instead of, I dunno, asking them to hush or something, your mother pulls their hair?
What the fuck?


Wow, big fuckin deal...the girls needed that. They lack DISCIPLINE!!! :mad:

[Invincible]

Originally posted by moviemuffin
While I openly and enthusiastically applaud anyone who tells off a kid who deserves it or gets them removed from the theater, anyone-- ANYONE-- did I mention ANY FUCKING ONE who put their hands on my kid in any setting for any reason would be buried in several pieces around New England.

It's never cool in my opinion. I'm sure we've all been little fuckwads in our lifetimes, particularly during the teenie angst years. I'm equally sure that if anyone had grabbed MY ponytail like that-- no matter how obnoxious I was being, and I could be pretty damned obnoxious in those years-- there would have been a huge waiting line for who got to wreck them first: my mom, my dad, my brothers, or my grandparents.

While it may be amusing to relate these little stories it's also appropriate, I think, to bear in mind that the best thing to do when somebody is being a fuckwad at a movie is to:

a. quietly point out their fuckwadedness
b. give them a second chance
c. get them kicked out if they can't de-fuckwad tut suite
d. laugh really loud and point when that happens
e. mutter "little fuckwad" when they pass on the way out

Could we please get back on topic? :)

[A.J. Hakari]

Funny experiences...hmm...

Just two minor instances that were really funny. Back on opening night of ATTACK OF THE CLONES, just as the 20th Century Fox logo faded in, someone in the back yelled, "Fuckin' RUUUULES!!!"

And at I SPY opening night, I heard what is the most bizarre and random line I've ever heard from anyone stem from a conversation two old guys were having behind me:

"No, I don't need a diaper!"

:confused:

[Invincible]

Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari


"No, I don't need a diaper!"



HAHA!!

That's hilarious!!!!!! :D made me laugh.

[free]

I went to opening night of Star Trek: Nemesis, a group of girls were sitting toward the front of the theater.

During the scene in which Picard, Data, and Worf are looking for B-4 on the surface of a planet, one of the girls said "I hate Star 'Track' movies, they are soooo lame". A guy in front of me yelled out, "Then why the fuck did you come?!"

[Invincible]

Originally posted by free
I went to opening night of Star Trek: Nemesis, a group of girls were sitting toward the front of the theater.

During the scene in which Picard, Data, and Worf are looking for B-4 on the surface of a planet, one of the girls said "I hate Star 'Track' movies, they are soooo lame". A guy in front of me yelled out, "Then why the fuck did you come?!"

Hahaha, true about that guy's comment.

[Jon Lyrik]

Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari
And at I SPY opening night, I heard what is the most bizarre and random line I've ever heard from anyone stem from a conversation two old guys were having behind me:

"No, I don't need a diaper!"

:confused:

Oh my God. That was funny.

When I saw Pirates of the Caribbean, when Keira Kleavage was on screen at the beginning a kid shouted "Oh yeah...that's nice!"

Normally I would pop the piss out of anyone who talks at the movies, but I laughed.

[SkyNet]

haha this thread is funny!

A few funny things that have happened to me...

Back a LONG time ago me and 2 of my pals saw I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.. and in the back of the theater were these few girls and they wouldnt shut the fuck up.. so this guy n his gf are getting annoyed.. so the guy stands up and turns around to them and yells "Shut The Fuck Up". So the girls got like this "Who You Talkin To Attitude" and started talking back.. the guy said somehting else.. and the girl said back to him "Oh ya.. well i get my father on you" maybe you had to be there.. but that was one of the funniest stupidest lines i have ever heard anyone say! And as soon as she said that.. me and my friends busted out laughing. Course the guy kept goin on about how he'd beat their dads ass!

Another one was when me and a pal saw The Sixth Sense.... we were in the back row, and a family was walking up the stairs to get their seats... i think it was the grandma.. but as she was walking.. she tripped and fell down a few of the stairs. Me and my friend were DONE... we were laughing so hard. Than the paramedics came in... me and him felt kinda bad for laughing at her cause she got hurt... but if she wouldnt have gotten hurt.. we'd have laughed for a while!

Posion ruled by the way... Every Rose has a Thorn!

[The TZA]

Originally posted by Jon Lyrik
Oh my God. That was funny.

When I saw Pirates of the Caribbean, when Keira Kleavage was on screen at the beginning a kid shouted "Oh yeah...that's nice!"

Normally I would pop the piss out of anyone who talks at the movies, but I laughed.


Yeah, she looked REAL hot at the beginning because she was about eight-years old if I remember correctly.

[Moviefan1234]

Originally posted by The TZA
Yeah, she looked REAL hot at the beginning because she was about eight-years old if I remember correctly.

I believe he means when the older Elizabeth Swann appears.

[The TZA]

LOL yeah I kind of got that.

[C-Desecration-]

Posion ruled by the way... Every Rose has a Thorn!

*scoffs* ;)


When I went to see The Lost World it had to've been with THE MOST vocal audience ev-ah. These guys would applaud at points in the movie (when the little rex nails the bald fellow . . . my memory's bad), and when everyone got off the island before the movie went horribly, horribly wrong - T-rex in san fran - people were screaming the likes of "What? That can't be it! It can't be over! What the hell?" God, everyone was commenting on everything so much that it could've been a movie commentary track. You'd think it'd be annoying, but no . . . if you were there, it was absolutely hilarious. Good crowds make or break films.

[Shakamaker]

Hot. Air-conditioning sub-standard and ineffectual. Made my mate go to an early evening session on the opening night for Braveheart, despite his insistence that he was too ill. We're in first, and seat ourselves middle/centre. Patrons start piling in around us, and we start to sweat like pigs. It's a full house.

Half-way through what we both considered to be nothing more than a kitsch, contrived, Gibson money-spinner, we're bored. My mate, his stomach rumbling, quietly urges for us to fuck off. Incredulously wondering whether Gibson directs himself to a third love interest in the one film, I ask him to hold his horses. He looks at me for a few seconds, until I look around at him. He's got one of those 'you're going to cop the consequences of something nasty' faces on, before he trumpets the loudest, longest, double octave-spanning, cloth-tearing fart you could ever possibly imagine. Well. Shut up shop, I was toast. I was giggling uncontrollably, and trying to get past him, as the whole cinema erupted. Most laughed, but those sitting closest stared disbelievingly, or yelled abuse. Considering the scarily disgusting aroma that slowly wafted through the already stifling heat, I don't blame them. We struggled past the disgusted folk in our row and left at a run, with tears streaming down our faces.

Severe changes in climate can produce nasty stomach complaints. Going from mild Melbourne to bloody-hot Brisbane was one of those times for my unfortunate friend, as the poor patrons in a Brisbane cinema found out. This incident occurred a few years back, when were were obnoxious little turds.

These days, I'm only ever guilty of nothing more than spreading myself over a few seats when the opportunity arises, and I haven't been a party to anything as disturbing in a cinema prior to, and since, that memorable event.

[Lynn Minmei]

Originally posted by The TZA
Yeah, she looked REAL hot at the beginning because she was about eight-years old if I remember correctly.

Sarcasm at its finest, folks. :D